Chapter Text
SCENE ONE
20170623
5:07 AM
THE ALARM CLOCK broke the complete silence of the apartment, certainly alarming the already awake jimin. his heart tugged against his arteries and his mind suffused with bill payment dates, recent clients, and how many more minutes until alarm would ring, causally continued churning without stop.
jimin mindlessly jumped out of bed repeating the one phrase he has been repeating ever since graduating high school.
"life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid."
jimin liked to believe he was aware of everything around him and that he in fact had control over his life. don't get me wrong, jimin was a persistent, hardworking fellow that knew what he wanted in life, but really, i'm the omniscient here. if that does not convince you, what sanity and control does a man that repeats the phrase "life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid," have? anyway's, back to jimin.
jimin hated the summer since the summer made him hate going to work. having to dress up in a suit in ninety degree weather everyday, maintaining tame, silky hair, and avoiding summer stench were very frustrating hurdles to jump over. but since he was not stupid, or so he thought, life was not that tough. at least he was able to take the six o'clock train and the early shift rather than the later cart and the later shift, which would have been truly tragic.
sitting with one leg crossed over the other, jimin sat on the metal bench in the empty train station scrolling through any too smart, summer hating person's most used app: instagram. he hated it, well maybe he hated everyone who used it: the acquaintances he met a total of about three times and will most likely never meet again, his coworkers who agitate him with a spam of pictures of their children and/or significant others, and even his friends which were too busy vacationing somewhere far away to pay jimin a text. or maybe he just hated that he was too boring and lonely.
a paper fell upon jimin's phone, blocking his view of the screen. he looked up, still, searching for the entity that rained the paper on him.
"oh sorry." the boy standing next to him uttered, barely audible. jimin mindlessly handed him the sketch, of... some pokemon he concluded. The boy took the paper without looking or thanking jimin and stuffed it in a folder among many other sketches of the sort. jimin lifted the arch of his eyebrow and laughed sarcastically to himself.
jimin was about to continue to scroll through his feed and question human condition, but the dark haired boy caught his attention once more.
"do you have a pencil?" the boy said without bothering to look at jimin. jimin scoffed to himself, but those feelings were well tucked in inside of himself as he slipped a silver mechanical pencil from his messenger bag. he handed it to the boy with a heartwarming smile, even though jimin's perception of the boy was anything but heartwarming.
the boy scrunched his nose and uttered a slight, "thank you" underneath his breath while taking the pencil from jimin's grip.
i am only a mere insignificant omniscient, but i know everything. jimin was still oblivious of it. but i know you all do.
patience is key, my friends.
or in this case, patience is... pencil?
SCENE TWO
20170624
5:27 AM
JIMIN SLIPPED in the mental bench lined with the chilly dewiness of the early morning. looking around before falling into a deep state of thought, he began chewing on his lower lip and stared off to an odd piece of pavement. for once that did not bother him, things being out of space. even, i the omniscient became confused. little did i know that jimin wasn't even paying attention to the mismatched pavement piece.
"the seventh of july, electric bill. tenth, gas bill. fifteenth, phone bill. eighteenth, cable." jimin narrated to himself, frustratingly sighing shortly after as a result of his short-term memory loss; he believed it was chronic, he was just an idiot. he took out his notepad and rummaged through his supply case for a pencil.
"right. that douche took it. what a hopeless case."
"who's the hopeless, douche bag, thief?" jimin's eyes grew wide and quickly turning to the other side of the bench; it was him, mr. hopeless, douche bag, pencil thief! as if on cue, jimin's cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
"um, ah no one." jimin shrugged of. the boy sitting across jimin just nodded, looking into the distance and poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue.
jimin took the chance of taking stolen glances to properly get a look of his face. jimin thought it would be a good idea to know his face inside-out-- wait no take out the inside, just out-- just in case he needs to make a police report in the future.
jimin got irritated as his hair touched his eyelids, too long for comfort. jimin noticed how his eye lashes jutted out like fairy wings, delicate and pretty. his skin was fairly clear, jimin was definitely jealous. his lips were a lovely pink hue and looked as soft as the clouds.
he was pretty, jimin thought. too pretty for a hopeless, douche bag, pencil thief.
SCENE THREE
20170625
5:47 AM
SILENCE PREVAILED between the palpable awkwardness rising in jimin's chest. without exaggeration, jimin wanted to rip his hair out. he had been forced to listen to his daily companion's foot tapping and humming for fifteen minutes straight without disruption. he began questioning as to why he had arrived so early for the six o'clock cart; jimin culture, what can you say?
the boy concluded his horrendous humming and irritating foot tapping before nudging jimin's shoulder. the boy silently waved a pack of cigarettes slightly in jimin's direction.
"ah, no thank you. i don't smoke." jimin said turning his attention to his phone once more.
"oh, i see." the boy took a stray cigarette and placed it in between his lips, putting the whole pack away. he reclined himself, crossed one leg over the other, and hung one of his arms on the back of the seat, nearing jimin's figure. with his other hand, the boy proceeded taking the cigarette out and into his mouth systematically.
jimin, in utter confusion, looked at the boy beside him from the corner of his eyes. he wasn't going to reply, letting the idiot do whatever he was doing, but jimin was done with his nonsense.
"you have to light up a cigarette for it to actually work you know?"
"it's a metaphor, see. you put the killing thing right between your teeth but you don't give it the power to do its killing." jimin hated himself for actually chuckling, but he couldn't resist.
"okay, augustus. okay." jimin shook his head in his hands, concealing his smile.
"maybe 'okay' will be our 'always'?" the sound of jimin's small laughs were replaced the the roaring motor of the subway.
SCENE FOUR
20170626
5:17 AM
JIMIN WAS SURPRISED to see the boy already sitting on the metal bench with nearly forty minutes until the arrival of the subway. flashing a swift look at the rolex on his wrist, jimin plopped himself next to the figure sketching away. jimin was so focused on knowing what the boy was doing. okay, maybe even what he does for a living. basically, jimin just wanted to know the guy's name, at the very least.
this has been the fourth consecutive day they had met in the subway station. so obviously the boy has an occupation for him to take the six o'clock cart every morning. he had to be recently employed because jimin had been taking the six o'clock cart everyday since his promotion in january. yes, jimin does not have anything better to do than work for six months straight other than the monthy visit to his parent's house or once in a blue moon outing with his friends, that are now enjoying their time in fiji. jimin, in fact, hated them.
okay back to bleach-head, jimin thought. if he dyes his hair that often that means he does not have a professional job, jimin pondered. he had unhealthy hair, the only visible flaw he seemed to have, at least for jimin's liking. if we were talking about personality that was a whole different story. the scraping of the pencil on the paper began to frustrate jimin.
fine, idiot. give me the silent treatment. two can play at that game. jimin smirked as he watched vicious city pigeons scavenge the dank station.
SCENE FIVE
20170627
5:37 AM
JIMIN HOVERED over yoongi's shoulder to see what he had up his sleeve today. everything jimin concluded the morning before was thrown out of the window with his initiation of conversation.
"what are you drawing?"
"characters." how descriptive, jimin scoffed.
"characters? for what?" jimin persisted.
"it's dumb."
jimin just sighed and nodded his head. the boy hadn't even spared a single glance. jimin had wondered if he was mad or if jimin did anything wrong. was jimin being annoying? oh my, or a billion times worse; was there something in jimin's teeth?
the contemplating boy became frustrated once more. as a motive of calming down, jimin took a deep breath and pushed his black frames up the bridge of his nose. this was only a coincidence. the boy was still a stranger. why jimin was acting so weird was the central question at this point; why?
"here." the boy next to jimin said, eyes hanging low. without eye contact he directed the paper to jimin, which he took with gratitude before knowing what it was.
"isn't this velma? from scooby-doo?"
"yup." the boy said popping the 'p' at the end of his statement.
"what is this for?" jimin said in an utterly confused tone and vigorously knitting together his eyebrows.
"you asked about what i was drawing. here it's for you."
"is there any reason as to why you chose velma?" jimin said with a slight chuckle upon listening to the boy's statement and a thorough glance at the astoundingly drawn velma dickley.
"hm..." the boy pouted slightly, furrowing his eyebrows. he then turned to jimin, current owner of a small smile. while looking into his eyes, jimin's heart tugged slightly, causing his breath to hitch. "well, you remind me of her for some reason." jimin then broke into laughter, covering his face with the sketch paper. the boy leaned in, grabbing the laughing boy's suited arms and shook it slightly. "hey, here me out first!" jimin then heaved a large breath and wiped his hand to his slightly wet eyes. "maybe it's your thick glasses, or your ugly turtle necks, or your not-so-funny sarcasm, but something inside of me thinks you're more than just a dumb, stuck up nerd park jimin." jimin's heart sank upon hearing his name melodiously dance out of the stranger's lips. "i feel... hm how do i put this? there is secrecy and mystery in those eyes of yours." with that he scrunched his nose (a common habit, jimin seemed to notice) and turned back to sketchbook.
jimin, for the first time in his life, was undeniably speechless and—without metaphoric elaborations— red as hell.
SCENE SIX
20170628
4:57 AM
ENGULFED IN thick, white sheets, jimin humbly prayed to whatever god existed that that boy would have lost his way to the station, got distracted and forgot what time it was, or overslept. basically, jimin did not want to see him for the time being, or maybe ever.
all professionalism and excuses were thrown out of the window into the dark, early morning.
it would be so awkward, oh my god.
why is he being such a flirt, like what the hell?
the drawing was really cute though.
scooby-doo really, who does he think i am? mysterious, ha! funny.
okay, but let's not talk about how he scrunches his nose!
his face wouldn't be as ugly if he actually took care of himself.
it's the twenty-first century, shaving exists!
oh my god, first hazel and then velma.
but, how does the freak know my name?
he has to be some criminal. charles manson???
jimin just wanted to throw himself away into oblivion and that feeling only worsened as he sat on the dewy metal bench in the train station with heavy eyes. he sat, facing away from the boy picking at a hole in his t-shirt. jimin took out his phone, attempting to distract himself from his abstract thoughts and the loud breathing of his neighbor. hopeless, jimin grunted while squeezing his eyes closed and turned around. the boy's eyes opened to the widest jimin has ever seen and stopped wiggling his finger through the hole in his shirt.
"i just have one question to ask you, okay?" jimin stated with his right hand abruptly moving up and down with each syllable, eyes dramatically wide. the boy nodded quickly.
"how in hell do you know my name?" the boy chuckled softly and ruffled his dead hair.
"well, someone is dumb enough to give a complete stranger a monogrammed pencil. who and why would someone even monogram pencils nowadays?" his shoulders bounced up and down and weird breath-like laughs escaped his agape mouth.
jimin ran his fingers through his thick hair and cussed underneath his breath; he had totally forgot about the pencil he lent him.
"larceny is punishable by law, i hope you know that. my parents gave it to me as a gift, and i love it very much in fact." jimin said crossing his arms and looking in the opposite direction.
"huh?"
"just shut up." jimin paused upon remembering he didn't even know the pain's name. "what's your name by the way."
"ah it's about time, jimbles!" the boy said smacking jimin's shoulder. "i'm min yoongi, but go by many aliases; suga, agust d, the-most-perfect-man-alive." min yoongi said with a wink.
"ew, don't call me that. and i prefer yoongi, thank you very much." yoongi smiled at jimin's second statement.
"well, jim-" jimin shushed him, reclining in his seat and throwing his head back with closed eyes. "i wanted-"
"shush."
"what the hell are you listening to?"
"the birds." jimin mouthed, eyes still closed.
"but-" jimin once again shut yoongi up with an abrupt sound. "fine!" yoongi crossed his arms in frustration with a pout. in less than two seconds, that pout turned into a slight smile as he admired jimin's perfectly still figure.
"fine, jimbles. let's listen to the ugly croaking of ugly city birds. wow how beautiful, the melodious sounds!" yoongi said receiving a large smile from the tired and dazed jimin.
SCENE SEVEN
20170629
5:47 AM
WITH A SINGLE question, yoongi made jimin choke on granola bar he was casually munching on.
"hey, jim, are you gay?" jimin was completely taken aback, prevented from speech.
"what makes you think that?" jimin answered with prolonged nervous chuckles.
"i don't know, just thought i'd ask." yoongi said nonchalantly chewing on his share of jimin's breakfast that was offered to him.
"um, to answer your abrupt question, no, i am not." jimin paused pursing his lips together. "you see, it's a little more complicated than that."
"what do you mean?" yoongi looked into jimin's eyes with strange sternness being held in his. jimin's nervousness accelerated.
"even if i liked guys, in which i don't, i can't."
"why not?"
"i'm a prosecutor." jimin said waving his badge in the air. "i'd get fired if i were, like you know, a homosexual."
"oh." jimin thought he has seen a slight pout on yoongi's face. "that's not cool."
"it doesn't affect me in anyway, so i don't bother. why, does it bother you?" jimin said wiping his forehead, removing the beaded sweat caused what he thought was the musty air; sure jimin.
"that's selfish and ignorant of you." yoongi scuffed. "let's say, i suddenly had a dream of being—what did you say you were?— ah, a prosecutor, i wouldn't be able to because of my sexuality or how i like to label myself? that's bullshit." yoongi shook his head in frustration.
"that's just how it is, yoongi. i can't change the rules."
"you're still gay though."
SCENE EIGHT
20170630
4:47 AM
JIMIN WANTED to sob his eyes out. he had been tossing and turning the entire night, swearing he had been hallucinating; being thrown in a cycle of pain-striking reality and muddled dreams. jimin did not want to believe what he was dreaming. he did not want to dream of it. it plainly hurt in in every way possible: mentally, physically, emotionally. it just hurt.
he would imagine his porcelaine like cheeks and glossy, dark eyes. his frizzed, dry hair swooped over his forehead. his lips, hue of pink, summer tulips and succulence of slow-dripping honey; like jimin knew that. he wished he knew. however, he never wanted to wish to know, if that made any sense.
tears were running down his thin, morning eyes, as he thought of yoongi's smile. it sent rushes of adrenaline through his body, making him feel as if he possessed a sixth sense.
he barely knew yoongi, was his argument. he can't like yoongi, was his second argument. he loved his job and life, was his third argument. three arguments were always reliable and convincing, but was that the case here?
jimin eventually got sick of moping around and enveloping himself in self-pity, so he slipped out of his oddly cool bed sheets.
"life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." jimin paused upon wiping his faucet like eyes.
jimin trudged, scraping his heels along the asphalt, to the subway station. it seemed as if it had been slightly sucked from its already dull colors. the grey of the wall seemed foggy and the deep blue of the benches, dim.
maybe it was fading like jimin's need to be there. the thought of that created a sickly feeling in his stomach.
things grew quiet between the two boys. no one seemed to have the courage to say a word. yoongi thought it would be better for him not to open his mouth for he thought jimin didn't want to talk to him. jimin just didn't want to cry. so silence was the solution.
as the sound of the subway approached the two, yoongi already standing up and claiming his belongings, jimin mindlessly muttered something yoongi did not quite understand.
"i got promoted, yoongi." jimin said a second time with a small smile and thick tears lining his eyes. yoongi hadn't quite understood yet, but answered anyways.
"come on, now! men don't cry because they got promoted! congrats, jimmie. we should celebrate." yoongi said with a wink.
"no yoongi, i got promoted." jimin's smile faded away. by this time the train already stopped and passengers were scurrying in and out, yoongi, jimin, the bench, and the stars in the middle of it all.
"yea, i know! i said congrats." yoongi yelled for jimin to be able to hear him.
"i have to move, yoongi." jimin's tears began to cascade down his cheeks for the nth time that day. it didn't bother him anymore, the need to hold back his tears, there was no use. "the day after tomorrow is my last day in my current office. i'm moving north."
jimin loved being promoted. it shows that his work does eventually pay of in the long run. it shows that he is succeeding. success was jimin's happiness. but why did the thought of moving up, in location and rank, now sound like something jimin did not want to do. he felt as his happiness was found elsewhere.
at that moment, jimin felt as if the stars spoke to him. spoke to him in a language beyond moral understanding and decipher of constellations.
the stars told jimin, yoongi was his everlasting happiness.
and jimin accepted the revelation of the stars.
SCENE NINE
20170701
5:47 AM
JIMIN FELT an unsafe nudge in his stomach. he had been sitting alone for a half an hour that felt like centuries. jimin was never a person who understood the significance of the world. he never understood how people can look at the stars, for example, stand in awe and ramble on how beautiful they were. they were just balls of fire, jimin thought. i see them everyday and saw no value in them.
until then jimin felt as if he saw they entire world in a whole different lens. he used his insomnia for his advantage and sat in the balcony of his apartment and admired the night sky. it was clear, containing nothing but two shining stars in which shined brightly over the fluorescent city streets. it was as if they continued to grow brighter and brighter as jimin stared.
he then tiptoed out of the balcony to the center of his studio apartment with his white blanket hung around his shoulders. he was definitely going to miss it. the apartment that kick started it all. memories of house hunting, decorating, and tranquility flashed before his eyes. he could smell the coffee suffuse the entire apartment, making it smell like a rustic coffee shop. he could see himself sitting on the coffee sorting out files and taking phone calls in frustration. he could imagine the nights he stayed up late binge watching disney animations on disney channel.
jimin had never realized how alone he was. jimin never realized he was breathing and witnessing fools gold. everything he thought was happiness, blinded him from true gold.
when the train neared, jimin let a tear slide down his face and entered the train without hesitation.
when he was being pained by the suffocation of loneliness, only then did jimin feel truly alone.
SCENE TEN
20170702
5:57 AM
JIMIN'S EYES FRANTICALLY traced the entirety of his surroundings looking for a chocolate headed boy he yearned for so dearly. he missed every trait of his separately, then all at once. he missed him after not seeing him for a whole forty-eight hours. he would miss him after entering the subway. even if jimin got the slightest glance of him at that instant he would only miss him more. being pulled by two opposite poles, both pulling with describable force and strength of no morality, to the point where jimin's arms began to rip out of their place on his body.
the train would depart any minute. jimin would depart the city any minute, for good. yoongi would have to depart jimin's heart, for good. at least that was what jimin thought was right. there was clearly no place for yoongi in jimin's heart.
maybe yoongi was just a player. maybe jimin was just the game.
maybe yoongi got hurt. maybe jimin was healed.
maybe yoongi didn't like jimin. maybe jimin liked yoongi too much.
jimin's mind was filled with the possible reasons for the boy's absence, constantly reassuring himself that yoongi had to be okay.
the bench had been the only source of their communication. neither did jimin know how else to contact him, nor did he want to. he knew nothing of him other than his name and that he draws; and has a strawberry allergy, and is an avid rom-com watcher, and like to peel his bananas upside down. maybe gay, or bisexual, for all that jimin knew.
jimin was one of the last to leave the rows of benches, trudging towards the subway. as jimin held on to the railing inside, he heard his name being screamed from outside. through the window of the slowly moving subway, jimin saw yoongi panting in exhaustion with a look of worry on his face standing in the empty station looking for someone.
but jimin was gone.