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“why would you ever kiss me,” it was a rhetorical question, one the youngest demon knew the other two couldn’t answer. tears stained his fur, his hips swaying gently as he sang out. he knew nobody was there. his sorrows could flow freely, untamed with fangs bared.
“i’m not even half as pretty,” angel knew his lovers weren’t bad people. they weren’t amazing, not by any means, but they were all angel wanted. insecurities flooded his mind, cold knives cutting deep. he wondered if they knew just how damaged he was. it was all he had been told in life and in death, after all.
“you gave her your sweater,” his body wasn’t normal, not that any demons was, but his was especially wrong. alastor and husk told him so often that he was perfect, that he was handsome. he wished to believe them. on days like these, they would be by his side. taking care of him, making him feel loved. he wondered if he deserved that love.
“it’s just polyester,” the swaying of his hips had stopped, and he stood, gripping the edge of his vanity. the room was blurry now, his head felt like it was spinning. he wanted husk here to rub loving circles on his back while alastor sang. he wanted them to cuddle up to him, a nest of pillows and love protecting him. he wanted them.
“but you like her better,” he whimpered, legs giving out under him. he sat on the ground, the feelings of worthlessness stronger than they had been in months. thoughts of his past, valentino and his job, his family, his fathers disapproving looks. he didn’t deserve to be here. he didn’t deserve the caring lovers he had. he didn’t deserve charlie, her happy smiles and tight gripped hugs of excitement. he didn’t deserve vaggie, her quiet teasing and protective glares. he didn’t deserve any of it.
“wish i were heather.” the voice didn’t belong to him. angel turned, eyes wide. there stood the two people who he truly needed the most. the two people who had seen him break, and helped him pick up the pieces. the people who waited patiently for him to be ready, who let him cry on their shoulders. the people who loved him, the ones he loved. alastor had bandages in hand, knowing already what angel had done. husk stood beside him, a cup of coffee in one hand and a plate of toast with jam in the other. without a word, they moved to where angel was seated on the ground.
“ya don’t have to be anyone else, babe.” husk murmured as alastor cleaned angel’s wounds. the cuts were deep, yet the two of them remained unfazed. angel appreciated the sentiment, another sob wracking his body as he gently curled up against alastor. husk set his load down and calmly wrapped himself around the spider. the cat began to rub circles on his back, and the deer quietly sang the rest of the song for him.
his eyes slowly closed, and his tears eventually stopped flowing. his legs and wrists were bandaged, and he sipped the coffee husk had made him, savouring the taste. his chest felt warm, his mind felt sound. the thoughts were finally sound, no longer tormenting angel. somehow, on the carpeted floor of his room, held by his boyfriends, angel felt more content than he had in a long time. he was cared for.
he was loved.