Chapter Text
Louis knew he had a problem, and he knew he was far in too deep. He didn’t really realise it until he found himself sobbing in his sister’s lap.
The day started out harmless. He was back home in Doncaster with his family. He was enjoying being back home and just the familiarity of it all. When his younger siblings were already sound asleep in their rooms, Louis and his sister Fizzy decided to continue watching their show.
About a year ago it had become a tradition for Louis and Fizzy to watch Scandal together, when both of them were back home in Doncaster. With Fizzy being away at an all girls boarding school and Louis living a lush life in lovely London, their mum tapes the episodes for when both her babies return home.
They were currently well into season two and Louis was a bit disappointed that Fitz (oh lovely Fitz) was in a coma. That wasn’t what made him cry. It was Huck. Huck was one of the characters that Louis didn’t care all that much for. The thing about Huck though is that he has a family. Not a real one of course. The family lives in a house and Huck parks his car outside and watches them through the window. That family is his safe haven.
And Louis related.
He related so much to the situation, because he had one, too. His is a very pretty man. And so he started sobbing. He never told his sister what was wrong that night. At first it didn’t even hit him. Just before he was finished with crying he had the realisation. He, too, has a window family.
*****
Louis absolutely loved spending time back at home, but he also couldn’t wait to be back home in London, again. He had so much love in all his heart for his siblings and his parents, but he also really just enjoyed his independence, and his routines, and friends that were just far away from the place he grew up in.
One might think he threw the word home around carelessly, but it never was too deep for him. Home was wherever his family was, wherever his friends were, and wherever he was most comfortable. He was one of those people that would ask to go home when he was on holiday, and in reality just meant the crappy hotel he was staying at.
“So Boo anyone we should know about back in London?” his mum asked him.
With his mouth still full of the forkload of spaghetti carbonara he just put in there, all his family looked at him expectantly.
“Ahem...mum. Well not really, no. Only have a crush on a guy. Super fit he is girls, I tell you,” his sisters were now all giggly and excited. “But for real. It's, you know, just a silly little crush. I’ll tell you all about it some other time if it even lasts that long.”
With that the conversation turned to something else. That one girl in Daisy’s class did something funny, or something along the lines of that.
When Louis left the next day after a hearty breakfast and enough cuddle sessions and hide and seek playing to last a few weeks, his mother made him promise to call her every once in a while. Of course he made sure to promise that. As he always did when leaving Yorkshire. Johannah and him had the loveliest relationship, and sometimes he was sure he might just be her favourite child. He loved nothing more than Mondays or Thursdays on the phone with her. It’s the days she went to the shops and would phone her oldest child to catch up about life and all the mundane things (she got almost as excited about his new colleague Niall as her).
***
It was a hard long Monday in the office for Mr.Tomlinson. He was slowly coming out of being a junior barrister. As pretty much every person on the planet there were days he absolutely hated going to work and others were okay and some even very good. The best part about his job was definitely the salary. Increasing year on year, which meant last year after his twin siblings were born he decided it was time for a change in his life. So he made a dream come true. At least partly. He moved into a flat in Swiss Cottage, which might not be as fancy as he always dreamed of (ideally we are talking Holland Park or Hampstead Heath) but it is NW3. As for postcodes he loves having something almost posh.
He got a new case today. A little girl, just three years old, and already being tormented by demons in her short life. She is just a few years older than Doris and Ernest and that breaks his heart. Every case does, he must admit. His specialization is Children Law. He saw the good, bad, messy, and beautiful in the world 5 days a week.
It messed with him so he had to do what he loves most. At first only here and there, then he went a few times a week. It’s not a long walk to the Pretty Man. Pretty Man lived in Hampstead. He lived the dream in Louis' eyes, but he knew he will get there someday as well. It’s roughly a 30 minute walk. No headphones or music just walking to clear the head.
His phone rang. Mum.
“‘Ello mum.”
“Hiya love. Just pulled up to Tesco and thought it’s best to give you a ring now,” she said.
He was almost at his favourite place in all of London. Louis already crossed the street and was able to see it.
“Yeah I had a bit of a long one today but it’s good to hear your voice. What are you buying?” he asked his favourite question.
So his mother started to list her items and of course the reason behind almost each of them.
The windows were all closed, but that’s okay for Louis today. His mum was rambling on the other line so he wouldn’t even hear the wonders of Pretty Man’s life anyways. The living room curtains were still open and the kitchen curtain that was ugly and kitsch and lovely at the same time in the favourite position as always. It covered the bottom half of the windows and was see through and had some holes as part of the pattern. Quite handy for people on the outside who want to look in.
And so, Louis Tomlinson sat down on the bench in front of the pretty tree just outside of the flat of Pretty Man.
“So my sisters are getting more and more into the whole vegetarian and vegan stuff, eh?” he asked.
Being able to multitask meant he could listen to his mother and wait for a certain curly haired man to finally use his kitchen this evening.
“Anyways I have been blabbing a lot. Love having some grown up conversations here and there, Lou. How was your day? Tough cases or good?” Jay asked.
“Both? Got a bit of a bad one. Started new on the case today. The girl, she is just a bit older than the little ones and it tears my heart apart, mum. I can just see the hurt,” he confessed, trying not to cry.
Johannah on the other end of the line calmed him down. She was good at this. Had so many years of practice. Louis needed that. He sometimes felt so burdened. Yes, he saw love and beauty, but he can also see the pain so very clearly.
After the phone call ended with a “love you so much Boo Bear don’t forget”, and a “mum don’t be soppy, but know I love you the mostest of them all”, he was left alone in silence.
He didn’t like it when the windows were closed. There was no music coming from Pretty Man’s flat, no conversation, no laughter, and no singing. Louis liked it the most. The singing. He quite enjoyed singing himself, but was always humble enough to know that his family might love him for it but he would never be special enough for the rest of the world. Pretty Man on the other hand should be a star. He sings a lot, Louis thought. He sang so well. Raspy voice, but also able to hit all the right high notes.
Months of spending afternoons, evenings, or lunches, or morning in front of these lovely two windows taught Louis that Pretty Man mostly sang when baking (always smells so sweet and good, he wished he could taste it) and cooking. He wondered if Pretty Man ever ordered in, but then that never fit with the image Louis had in his head.
It got late and Louis should have already started his way back home to make dinner for himself, when the guy with the most amazing curls came into the kitchen. The lights went on and he made his way to his fridge. Pretty Man got something out and the lights went off again after that. Bummer, Louis thought. He wished he could have seen more of a life that wasn't his for just a bit more tonight.
To his luck the lights in the kitchen went on again and his guy came running in. Cupboards and the fridge opened and closed several times, it all seemed very rushed. Then it happened. Pretty Man banged his head on one of the open cupboards. It didn’t really look like it would hurt. Out of instinct very likely he pulled his cutest face to date and rubbed the spot on his head that might be bruised in a bit. Louis thinks he could make out a “Shit! Fuck!” on the lips of the object of his affection as the man in the windows realised he had to sprint away again. Just like that the lights were off again and Louis now could go back home. It wasn’t much he got to see but he was always okay with that. The other people inside windows never know what he wants them to do and it’s really fine.
He liked to imagine that Pretty Man was in a hurry, because a program he desperately wanted to see started on the big telly that was very likely in his living room just attached to the kitchen. After all it was just a few minutes after 8pm. On most days Louis too would be eager to have dinner on his coffee table in his tiny living/sitting/dining/open plan kitchen room by that time and have the telly on.
***
It all started in his childhood. He walked the streets of Doncaster and liked to make up all stories for the houses and flats in the streets. It was his favourite activity. Only his mother was allowed to help with some stories or interior ideas, other family members weren't as welcome to join his little fantasies.
He liked it in London more than back home. His South Yorkshire home ran out of 1st floor flats and houses to look into and most of the families inside were people he knew from way back so not much to be left for the imagination. London on the other hand has so many streets to walk. Different parts of town with different houses, flats, and overall feels to them. Hampstead he loved, because it felt like a small town in a big city. The houses and flats were not only looking nice from the outside, they were very, very, very likely very nice from the inside. After all, many celebrities and other rich Londoners lived there.
His favourite streets in London are the ones with many townhouses neatly lined up and many big windows to look in.
The weeks were dragging on and the relaxed state he got in from staying out of the office and back home for a bit long forgotten. The cases came and went and some of them tearing him apart more than others. The only upsides at the moment were the imminent peak of autumn and that his next visit home, combined with Christmas and most importantly his birthday of course, were not that far away anymore.
He learned some more about Pretty Man. It was on a nice night at the end of October. He and two pretty women were toasting in the kitchen. The good thing about late October evenings was the quietness of the streets. Not that Hampstead was loud to begin with, but it was easier to listen in that way. Before they started their toast there was chatter for a while. Louis didn’t really listen in as he was just so fascinated by Pretty Man. More importantly who is the pretty woman he is so tactile with?
“Mitch! Come on we want to start the evening properly,” she shouted into the living room.
Pretty Man and the older woman smiling to themselves. Mitch came in and from what he saw immediately snuggled into the pretty woman and gave her a kiss on her temple.
Ha, she is taken then. That’s good for her, Louis thought.
“My babies, I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you all again. You know this Facetiming and WhatsApping isn’t the same. Robin unfortunately had to work, but I so adore that I get to spend some quality time with the two of you. So thank you both, and Mitch for joining us, and let’s toast to this evening and all the other fun one about to come,” what he assumed was Pretty Man’s mum said.
They all clinked their flutes together and had a little snack in the kitchen. Standing close to each other. Talking ever so loudly over one another.
The Doncaster boy on the other side of the glass wanted to join them. They seem fun and very lovely. So he has a sister. She is pretty and from the bits and pieces he got very much teased her brother. He was probably younger than her. It must be weird, Louis thought, to have an older sister. In his family he was the older sibling always in charge and taking care and teasing. He sometimes wished for a big brother or sister himself. Then again he had these thoughts for a few seconds and then got back to reality and felt bad, because all in all he loved each of his siblings so much and wouldn't really change it for the world.
24 hours later on a Friday afternoon him and his colleague and friend Niall left the office the same time.
“Mate, I absolutely hate that we already know what we will come back to on Monday morning with us just dropping everything but I will be so happy if we get a table at spoons,” the younger lad said.
“Don’t care about a table. I’ll take my shots and pints anyway possible. Looks not as crowded as I thought,” Louis remarked walking into Wetherspoons.
They both would never ever turn down going to spoons for some fancy or posh bar. Especially Fridays were great days for drinking contests. If they would go to the fancy places they could afford binge drinking but always felt so bad after spending all that money. At spoons it was all a bit more rowdy, and loud, less posh and more like home and cheaper.
Two pints down they somehow talked about their families as if they knew each and every one of them. Then again you kind of do when it comes to your co-workers slash best friends. You seemed to know everything about them and everyone in their lives.
“So yeah”, Louis continued, “Lottie is now trying out the whole influencer thing and moved to London a while back, but you knew that already. Lives in Hackney that little beast. Like a Hipster mum of a few toddlers. It makes her happy and I enjoy having her so close by.”
Niall seemed so interested.
“So how often do you guys see each other then? You are quite busy, and well, I imagine her as well. Makeup, and hair, and stuff. Can she get us into the good parties?” Louis shut that down real quick.
His sister just celebrated her 17th birthday that year. No need for London’s party scene for another two years, please.
When he stumbled into his flat hours, pints, and dirty cheap shots later, he thought he should call Lottie up for brunch tomorrow.
After Lunch, because Louis slept in too late and was slightly hungover so they missed the brunch times, him and his oldest sister parted ways. Still in a walking mood he got out of the tube station and walked straight towards Hampstead Heath. He walked past a few shops and had a few peeks inside and thought of some stories for some of the people. When he arrived at his favourite spot, he made himself comfortable on the bench and started to think about everything and anything. A full blown argument between him and his boss was going on in his head, he was trying out that promotion chat and he so desperately wanted his very own office as well. He loved sharing with Niall but to move up he would need his own office.
Pretty quickly he got distracted by the thought that if Pretty Man’s flat would be his, he would probably change a bit about the kitchen. He liked the living room very much. It was lovely and cosy and seemed full of knick-knacks. However the kitchen was very modern, sterile, and so very white. He would want to change the fridge to a cool coloured one. Maybe be daring and opt for a pastel pink one? He thought a jukebox would be so cool as well, or something else diner-style and 50’s inspired. After all that is what Louis thought every kitchen should strive for in terms of style.
Pretty Man’s mum was still there he realised when she stepped into the kitchen and rummaged around the cupboards. She got out two cups, he saw when she moved that half curtain to the side to position herself in the window. She looked outside for a bit. Her gaze first wandered to Louis and they had eye contact for a bit. She looks kind and lovely, he thought. Her eyes pretty quickly moved on and she watched the Saturday walkers on the street. Unfortunately for him she also closed the window and went back to fix what sounded like teas from the kettle sound Louis heard before she closed that damn window. Time for him to go.
***
The seasons changed and more weeks passed. Doncaster bound Louis arrived home with way too many presents for anyone. It was cold and he was wrapped up tightly when his mum came to the train station to pick him up. He was about to cherish those next 10 minutes of just him and her in the car, before he entered their house and everything would be mental.
“Happy to have you home, love. Can’t wait to spoil you and hear all about that fancy London life.”
He groaned. He was pretty sure his sister’s London stories would be much more exciting. The both of them worked quite a bit but Lottie’s work was more fun and she actually got to meet other influencers and other Makeup artists and even celebrities. She would go to launch parties and even have her own stuff in the works sometime soon he thought.
“Nothing much. I’ll tell you some stories from Niall and me. Know you enjoy those, don’t you?” he questioned his mother.
“That Niall lad of yours cracks me up, hun. Gotta keep him around. I want to meet him sometime.”
And he promised to introduce his best friend to his mother next time she is in London.
He was the eldest to come home for Christmas. Lottie would travel in from London in two days, as there were some Christmas parties she had to attend. Fizzy had her last day of boarding school the day Louis came and joined him at home the next day. Both sets of twins didn’t think to complain about having their big brother to themselves for a bit before the other sisters wanted to share everybody.
The next afternoon it was a bit snowy outside. The little ones were napping and Phoebe and Daisy were somewhere having a dance party in the house. Louis and Fizzy were hanging out in Fizzy’s room. It was big and sometimes Louis was jealous that he didn’t have a designated room at home. Then again, he never lived in this house and it would only take up space all those weeks of the year he actually lived in London.
Both siblings were way into season three of Scandal, now. It was Fizzy who stopped the episode with a question that left Louis speechless and thinking of London just a little bit.
“Do you think we’ll ever find a love like that? Like Fitz and Olivia? So overwhelming and consuming?”
She looked expectantly at him with those big eyes of hers. Usually he was a fast-talker (handy for his job as well) and never really gave himself too much time to think before speaking. This time though he had to think a bit.
He settled on “Honestly, I just don’t know. I mean I hope we do but I just don’t know, love. You know I think I’m very much in love with the guy from the window I told you about. Would love for us to have it like on that screen there, but he doesn’t know I exist so that’s that.”.
The days flew by and dinner turned into a birthday dinner, turned into a Christmas dinner, turned into a boxing day dinner, and then some more of those leftover dinners. Fizzy and him were at the end of season four and managed to finish that one before everyone parted ways again. Louis had plans to spend New Years in London with his sister and her boyfriend at their flat and Niall would also be coming as well as some of Lottie’s friends. As much as he would have enjoyed play time with the little ones, walking in the park with Daisy and Phoebe or deep talks with Fizzy, Doncaster wasn’t as grand of a place to spend New Years Eve in.
New Years also went by in a blur. Many pints with Niall. Shots in a park nearby watching the fireworks, and even more booze back at Lottie’s flat. He thought about checking in on Pretty Man sometime during the day but decided against it. His alcohol infused brain made him regret that decision and sulk a bit, but his loved ones were quick to shift his mood.