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She stared into the darkness of space, her field of vision framed by sparks from torn mechanics, and she felt her lungs collapsing, the lack of air starting to blur her vision. Her heart was hammering in her chest, in her head, and she could still see fiery explosions in the distance, even though she couldn’t make out the details.
"Shepard," came EDI’s voice, cutting into the haze, "Your suit’s bioscans indicate an increase in heart rate, breathing rate, and internal temperature."
"Yeah, EDI, I’ve realized," Charlie ground out, closing her eyes and breathing in a slow, steady breath. It was shakier than she would have liked, but when she opened her eyes she didn’t feel like she was suffocating anymore and she could see clearly. She didn’t feel like she was dying.
No, this time, the mechanical sparks at the edges of her vision were from the broken off pieces of the docking tube she was in, not from shredded pieces of the old Normandy. And the explosions weren’t parts of the SR-1 blowing up, it was from the damn geth and quarians going at each other in the middle of a galaxy-wide war with the reapers.
"Hey, take your time, Commander," came Joker’s voice next. "We’re fine until they, you know, look out a window."
"Fuck off, Joker, you know they don’t use windows," she snapped at the pilot."
"Just trying to distract you," he answered back, and she could practically picture him holding his hands up in defense.
"Well it’s not working!"
Now she was just thinking about him not abandoning ship and calling for help while the first Normandy blew up—and they all knew where that lead. Fuck.
"Anyone else?" Joker offered, and a second later, she heard Garrus on the comm.
"So, Shepard, I’ve been thinking."
"Uh, oh," she replied, forcing herself to move forward from where she’d been frozen paralyzed in the docking tube to continue her path towards the geth dreadnaught.
"There’s something we need to settle between the two of us," he continued, ignoring her comment, and she felt her eyebrow quirk under her helmet."
Stepping around a particularly bent-out-of shape piece of metal, Charlie asked, "Oh, really? And what’s that?"
"Who’s the best shot."
She couldn’t help but snort. "You’re kidding."
"Now, I’m not saying you don’t know how to handle a gun," Garrus drawled. "Just saying some of us know how to make it dance."
Charlie was moving faster through the docking tube, ever step she took with her mag-boots surer than the last, her attention away from the years-old memories that still haunted her—and instead on the absolutely ridiculous claims Garrus was making.
"Garrus, pretty much everyone in this galaxy who has seen me in action has been impressed."
"Yeah, but I’ve actually seen you dance, Shepard," he retorted. "No comment."
"Oh you are on. I’m going to kick your bony turian ass, Vakarian."
"I don’t think so," he countered. "When I win, I think I’m going to erect a monument on the Citadel. Bronze the gun so the whole galaxy knows I beat the great Commander Shepard."
"Garrus, I think the moment you get your ass on this ship we’re going to continue our shoot off, because the last time I checked, I had more headshots and more total kills than you," Charlie started. "Think of it as a pre-game to this final 'settling' you want us to have."
"Now, Shepard, I—"
As his words came across the comm link, a low metallic rumble came from the docking tube below her feet and Charlie instinctively jumped forward the last few feet of the tube, the lack of gravity carrying her the rest of the way to the ship. When she landed and turned around, the docking tube had broken off the dreadnought and was drifting off into space.
"Looks like the rest of the team isn’t using the docking tube," she muttered.
"So, I’m guessing you’d rather not solo the dreadnaught?" Joker asked.
"Well, I could since I’m such an excellent marksman," she replied, hearing a few chuckles over the comm at her words. "But no, I’d rather not. Ask Tali to get on the dreadnaught schematics. If she can point me at another docking tube, I’ll override the controls and let the boarding party on."
"Aye, aye, Commander."
- - - - -
The geth dreadnought was exploding.
It turned out that Legion was what the Reapers were using to broadcast their signal and control the geth. Once he was free, the signal went offline and he disabled the dreadnought’s drive core, taking out its weapons and barriers. That was when Admiral Gerrel—the bastard—decided he would attack the dreadnought instead of following his part of the plan to help withdraw the quarian fleet.
And that was why Charlie and her squad were running towards the port-side fighter bay amidst all the chaos of the ship being fired upon. It didn’t have escape pods, so the fighters were better than nothing since they needed to get off the dreadnought fast. Without its shields, explosions were rattling the ship and debris was flying everywhere.
For a second, Charlie thought she was running down the corridor of the old Normandy, and she mentally cursed, pushing those thoughts out of her head. She didn’t have time to get lost in her flashbacks. All that mattered was getting her squad off the dreadnought no matter what. They were almost there.
"Double time, people!" she shouted as they ran, dodging bent bulkheads and twisted metal, another explosion rocking the ship just as they got to the fighter bay. The explosion was close, too close for comfort, and it sent Charlie, Kaida, and Tali flying into the air. They never hit the ground again, the ship’s gravity systems having gone offline.
"Normandy to Shepard," Joker called out over comms. "I’m reading a loss of gravity. You okay over there?"
Eyes quickly roving over her team, Charlie gave them each a once over. Garrus, Liara, and James were successfully mag-booted to the walkway leading to the geth fighters, not having been thrown by that explosion. Her gaze landed on Tali next, who gave her a curt nod as she floated next to her, Legion reaching out for her so he could pull her into a fighter. She finally glanced at Kaidan and her stomach dropped when she saw him holding his side, a piece of shrapnel sticking out of his gut.
"Fuck."
"Shepard?"
"We’ll be fine," she forced out, one arm reaching for Kaidan, and the other reaching for the fighter Tali and Legion were in. "We’re coming out in two geth fighters. I’ll transmit the rendezvous coordinates."
"Aye, aye."
Pulling hard, she tugged Kaidan and herself into the storage compartment of the geth fighter, collapsing inside when they crossed over into the artificial gravity of the small vessel.
"Does the storage compartment have adequate room, Shepard-Commander?" Legion asked, and Charlie glared at him.
"Just go!"
Legion followed her orders and Tali handed her some medi-gel that she gently started to apply around Kaidan’s would where the shrapnel was sticking out of his suit. Glancing up to his face, she saw his eyes were closed behind his helmet and she felt her heart skip a beat. She practically leaped for him and tapped her fingers against his helmet to get his attention, and he opened his eyes, grabbing her wrist to calm her.
"I’m okay," he said with a nod, and she sat back turning her attention to Tali. The quarian was scanning him with her omni-tool and it didn’t look like anything horrible was coming up on it, but Charlie still frowned.
When they docked with the Normandy, the first thing Charlie did was help Kaidan to the medbay. It turned out he wasn’t the only one who needed to see Dr. Chakwas, as Liara and James had a few cuts and scrapes themselves from the various explosions on the dreadnought, which only soured her mood further. The moment she found out Admirals Raan and Gerrel were on the ship, debriefing with Tali in the war room, she stomped out of the medbay and up there, without even stopping down at the armory to change out of her armor or drop off her weapons. She walked in on Raan giving Gerrel an earful, and she was glad she wasn’t the only one who had a few things to say to the bastard.
"—unilateral strike endangered us all! I should charge you with treason," Raan was saying."
"I was within my authority as Admiral of the Heavy Fleet!" Gerrel protested.
"And what of Shepard? And Tali’Zorah?"
"They escaped unharmed!"
It was then that they noticed her arrival and turned to face her.
"Shepard," Gerrel continued, "The mission parameters changed. You’re military. You understand that."
"I understand that you wasted your chance to withdraw safely," Charlie barked at him, shooting him a dangerous glare.
"The dreadnought was a perfect target!"
"It doesn’t matter! It was a shortsighted, bloodthirsty, and reckless move."
Gerrel sighed. "If you could retake Earth with a little friendly fire, you’d do it in a heartbeat!"
Charlie took a moment to process his words, trying to keep her breathing steady as she resisted the urge to just punch the bastard, her fist tightening at her side.
"Admiral," she began, her voice cool and steady, eyes boring directly into his through his facemask, "not only did you jeopardize the mission and your people, you almost got one of your Admirals and two Council Spectres killed." Gerrel had shrunk back a bit at her tone and her words, but she didn’t let up. "If I didn’t need your fleet—"
"Shepard," Raan cut in, "I understand you’re angry…"
"I’m way past angry," Charlie said, stepping closer to Gerrel. "If you ever do something like that again, I’m going to rip off your mask and breathe germs all over your fucking face, got it?"
He nodded.
"Now get the fuck off my ship."
Gerrel left without another word and Charlie released some of the tension in her body with a deep breath.
"You must understand, the geth inflicted heavy casualties before you disabled the reaper signal," Raan pointed out, and Charlie sighed, looking to the other quarian. She did understand… but she had a job to do.
"I need to go inform Admiral Hackett about this bullshit."
"Tali’Zorah…" Raan pleaded.
"She’ll come back when she calms down," Tali supplied, and Charlie brushed past them towards the QEC. After updating Hackett on the situation, she found herself hanging around the entrance of the medbay, staring at Kaidan’s sleeping form in one of the beds.
Liara and James were gone, and Kaidan was the only patient left, his injury more serious than theirs. Dr. Chakwas came over to greet her, and Charlie’s question left her mouth before the other woman had even finished approaching her.
"Is he going to be okay?"
"He’ll be fine," she answered, looking her up and down with a frown. "You should get out of your armor. He’ll be sleeping for a while longer, I’ll let you know when he’s awake."
Hesitating, Charlie gave Kaidan one last look and then nodded. "Thanks, Doc."
With a weary sigh, she headed towards the elevator and down to the shuttle bay to finally change out of her armor and store her main weapons. When finished, she headed back up to the war room to plan next steps with Legion, Tali, and Admiral Raan, until her omni-tool pinged with a message from Doctor Chakwas. She declared they all take a break and reconvene afterwards, and once again, she went back down to the medbay to check on Kaidan.
This time, he was awake and smiling at her when she walked in, and she couldn’t help but smile back.
"We’ve got to stop meeting like this, Major," she joked, and he chuckled. Sitting by his bedside, Charlie felt her face fall, her lips pressed thin. She swept her gaze over his body, just to make sure everything was okay, before lifting her gaze to his. "I hate seeing you like this," she muttered, and Kaidan placed his hand over hers. His skin was warm, and the contact sent a shiver up her arm and made her heart do a little flip in her chest.
"I know," he said quietly. Then he quirked his lips. "It’s not so fun being the one who gets hurt, either."
A small laugh escaped her. "No, I guess it’s not." She held his gaze a moment longer before she looked away, frowning, her thoughts drifting to what was waiting for her back in the war room.
"What’s wrong?"
"Nothing’s wrong, we were just figuring out our next move," Charlie answered, looking back to him. "Without Gerrel’s input of course… I may or may not have kicked him off the Normandy."
Laughing, Kaidan shook his head. "You did what?"
"Well, I spoke with him about that stunt he pulled—"
"Spoke with him?"
She glared at him. "Okay, there was some yelling involved, she drawled, rolling her eyes. "I wanted to punch him, too, but I didn’t."
"That’s good."
"I did threaten him, though."
"Charlie."
"Relax, it wasn’t that bad," she explained, ignoring the look Kaidan was giving her. "All I said was that if he did something like that ever again, I’d rip of his mask and breathe germs all over his face—his 'fucking face' to be exact. And that’s when I told him to get the fuck off my ship."
Kaidan just laughed at her.
"What? First you want to chastise me and now you’re laughing?"
"You told him you’d rip off his mask and breathe germs all over his face?" he asked, catching his breath. "Not a threat from that N7 toolbox of yours?"
"He’s a Quarian!"
"I will always wonder how you come up with this stuff."
Huffing, Charlie couldn’t help but crack a bit of a smile. "I don’t know, it just comes to me in my moments of anger. A weird talent, I guess."
"It’s very amusing, when it’s not being directed at you, of course."
She barked a laugh. "Are you making fun of me, Kaidan? When I was defending your honor?"
"Defending my honor, huh?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.
Charlie shrugged. "Sort of? You were the one that got hurt because of his dumb-ass decision.
Kaidan shook his head and laughed again, and she couldn’t help but join him. After they calmed down, he gave her a serious look, readjusting his hand so it rested over hers once again.
"How are you, though?" he asked, his eyes boring right into hers.
Charlie furrowed her brows. "Me? I’m fine."
"You sure? At the beginning of the mission, in the docking tube…"
Oh god, he’d noticed. Of course he’d notice, he knew her better than she knew herself. There’s no way he would miss the fact that she was reliving her death—again.
"I should go," Charlie said quickly, standing and swallowing hard.
"Charlie—"
"I have to head back to the war room," she blurted out and turned, heading for the door. She knew she was supposed to be talking about her shit, especially with him, but she couldn’t talk about that, not in that moment, when being in that docking tube was still so fresh in her mind. Just thinking back to it, and what it made her think of, had her throat closing and her heart speeding up.
Charlie felt Kaidan’s fingers wrap around hers and she whirled around, coming face to face with him. He smiled softly at her, one side of his lips quirking up more than the other.
"Before you go, I just wanted to let you know," he started, and she waited, eyes searching his, heart racing in her chest, "between you and Garrus? I’d totally bet on you."
Releasing a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, she huffed and smiled at him. "And you would win that bet."
He turned to go back to his bed, and she was so glad he was him. He always knew when to push her to talk about things, and when to back off—it was one of the things she loved about him—and he had done it again now. She knew he’d ask her about all this eventually, and she’d tell him, when the time came, but for now, she was just glad to know he was there for her, even if that meant hanging around while she got lost in her own thoughts.
"I think James is starting another one of his poker tournaments again," Kaidan called out, plopping back on his bed. "So I’ll see you there later."
"See you later," Charlie answered, and she left, a small smile on her lips.