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It’s like needles piercing her skin.
It falls unapologetically, it scatters on the ground, it drills in her head and marks its way to her feet like veins. It filters through her raincoat and it bathes her skin of a new peace. The drops mark the rhythm, and the blood pumping in her ears plays the melody.
It falls in her eyes, on her cheeks, on her nose and her chin, it kisses her gently and it wipes off the tears, it is but a long lost lover.
Yoohyeon has always loved the rain.
Something about water always fascinated her. As a child, she even thought of being a mermaid, or some type of water monster reincarnated as a girl. A part of her still believes it, even though now she’s just content of feeling at home whenever it’s raining.
Now, she doesn’t have that much time to appreciate it. She’s constantly busy, working for school, then going to her extracurricular classes, it sucks up all of her free time and whenever the storm is calling to her, she can’t do anything but long at it through the windows of her school, blinded by the reflection of the white lights.
But not today.
It’s vacation, and for once she’s really free. Mom and dad fought again. It’s always the same story when they’re not working. It doesn’t phase me anymore , she tells herself, gently patting dry her cheekbones. They both ended up hiding in a different room, shutting the doors louder than the thunders in the distance, and as her little brother hid in their shared room, Yoohyeon was left on her own. Or with the rain. She wasted no time. She put her raincoat on frantically, with the thirst of a thousand deserts, and she ran down the stairs of her building, hopping all the way to the little park in her buildings block. It was empty, of course. The heavy drops hit a little red bucket left in a hurry by some child, just besides the sand pit.
She’s sitting on one of the two seats of the swing. At her age, she barely fits in there. Her feet used to be high up the ground, now instead they rest uneasy in a dirty puddle. She doesn’t mind swinging, resting under the fall is enough. Her eyes are open, but observing nothing, if not the water jumping on the ground, where circles appear, disappear, appear, disappear…
Then, unexpected like lightning, a voice breaks the silence.
«Hello!» it roars.
Yoohyeon turns to look at it, landing her eyes on the petite figure of a girl. Probably her age, and not an inch taller. She’s all shrunk in an oversized jacket, and a blue umbrella hovers above her head.
Yoohyeon doesn’t quite like the unexpected company. She can’t be bothered to interact with people in this moment, so she turns her head back to the nothingness she was staring at before, without letting a sound out of her mouth. And as much as she hopes that this would be enough of a sign for the other girl to leave, her persistence is stronger, and she talks again.
«It’s been raining a lot these days»
«...»
The girl hops closer to the swing. She sits on the other spot, placing the umbrella carefully on the beam of the swing, and slotting the curved handle in the big hoops of the swing’s chains. Smart , Yoohyeon thinks.
«I’m Lee Siyeon»
The girl extends her right hand in Yoohyeon’s direction, waiting hopefully. Yoohyeon looks at the hand for a few minutes, then the dumb smile on the girl’s face, and once she’s acknowledged that the hand is not going to be retreated until she shakes it, she gives it a quick squeeze, muttering: «Kim Yoohyeon».
Siyeon is satisfied. She hides her hand quickly in her jacket, rubbing it against the dry pocket as she hides a shiver.
«I just moved in here»
Yoohyeon nods. The girl’s heavy accent had already given that away. Plus, she had seen all the fuss and the boxes just outside of her apartment door, across the hallway.
«Daegu, right?» she asks.
Siyeon hums. It’s the last sound for a while.
They both sit under the rain, barely acknowledging the other. Yoohyeon is still upset by the sudden company. Being under the rain was her ritual, her happy place, and this girl just decided to break that. It doesn’t sit right with her. And yet, she can’t stop her eyes from casually glancing to her side. Siyeon seems unbothered by the situation. She’s fiddling with her own hands, pinching their backs, opening them beyond the protection of the umbrella, under the pouring rain every few minutes, cupping them until they’re full of water to then let it fall to the ground. The splashes hit her ankles, dirtying her trousers with mud and probably filling her shoes.
Siyeon doesn’t speak. She doesn’t force Yoohyeon to have a conversation, and yet she still won’t leave. After a while, Yoohyeon decides that her best option is to just ignore her the best she can, closing her eyes and letting the rain fill her whole. Siyeon doesn’t fight back. She looks at the other girl too, when she’s sure that she herself won’t be seen. Yoohyeon seems in a trance-like state, interrupting that peace with words would be a disgrace, so she doesn’t talk.
She was in her own room, minding her business. Her parents were both working, so it was just her at home. The tv was on, but its only purpose was to fill the room while Siyeon leaned against the window. It was raining the day she left Daegu too. That day, the rain hid her tears as she bid farewell to her friends and her family. She didn’t wanna leave, no matter how nice Incheon looked like, but her father had to work there all of a sudden and she and her mother had to follow. She was scared for school the most. She wasn’t that good at making new friends, and she was sure that her accent was going to be a good way to tease her. Not that she cared, really, jokes flew over her head easily. But being all alone in a new city wasn’t the best idea.
Then, through the steamy window, she caught a shadow moving out of her apartment. It had a green raincoat on, and it made its way to the little playground of their district. It sat on the swing, and Siyeon knew for a fact that it had to be the girl living in the apartment just in front of hers. She had seen her wearing that same raincoat the day when she left Daegu and arrived in Incheon, it had rained the whole time. The girl stayed on the swing for a while, time passing without a care, rain still pouring harshly on the town. Then, in a crazy desire, Siyeon decided to join her. She wore her jacket, her shoes without socks – they were going to get wet anyways –, she reached for her umbrella and left in a hurry.
Now they’re both sitting on the swing, quietly living in each other’s life.
The rain has finally washed out any negative thoughts from Yoohyeon, and the presence of the new girl keeps her distracted enough not to go back to her intrusive thoughts.
The rain comes to an halt slowly but surely. It leaves its spot to an open sky, clear clouds escaping in the horizon. The sun is still fairly high, tinted of an early afternoon ochre. It shines on the wet surfaces below, it lights a rainbow up in the air.
Something buzzes. Then a low voiced «Aish» comes from Siyeon. She stands up, tapping quickly on her phone. Then she untangles her umbrella from the swing, shaking it gently before closing it. Yoohyeon looks at her unfazed. Siyeon has a kind smile on her face again, the tip of her nose and her cheeks are reddish, her eyes shine under the cold light.
«It was nice meeting you, Kim Yoohyeon-ah»
«You too, Lee Siyeon-ssi»
«Warm yourself up soon, or you’ll catch a cold»
«Same for you»
«See you around!»
Siyeon shakes her hand eagerly while saying goodbye. Then she hops all the way to the building entrance, waving to Yoohyeon one last time before heading in.
For the following days, Siyeon is always ready to start a conversation with Yoohyeon again. When they meet in the stairs, or in the hallway of their building, when they cross roads at school. Yoohyeon doesn’t really reciprocate, but it doesn’t throw Siyeon off. She just keeps waiting. Yoohyeon doesn’t understand why the girl is so persistent, but she unknowingly opens up, little by little. She starts greeting her in the hallways, mostly without a smile, but she at least hope that Siyeon appreciates the effort. Indeed, it is appreciated.
Siyeon doesn’t have great luck with other people at school. It seems like the classmates don’t make fun of her, nor do they leave her aside, but she still hasn’t been taken in by any group, and she still has lunch on her own. Yoohyeon notices it, but she keeps her distance.
It all changes one day. Another damn Sunday. Same old story. Her parents fight, their screams scare her little brother who hides in their shared room and she’s left stranded in a sea of resentment. Ignoring her parents words, she heads for the door and goes out, not even taking the time to put her shoes back on. She stands in the hallway, shooing the muffled shouts away from her mind. And when she’s ready to walk downstairs as usual, her eyes jolt to the apartment next door. Siyeon lives in there, Yoohyeon has never been inside, she only caught a few glimpses some times. It’s windy outside, and despite the socks, the granite floor is sending chills up her spine. She walks slowly to the door, every step heavier than the previous. Siyeon is just a kind stranger, yet it feels safe enough to go to her. So Yoohyeon stands unsure for a few seconds in front of the wooden plate, before knocking three times. The time she waits feels stretched, seconds pass like minutes, and every part of her screams to run and hide, act like nothing happened before it’s too late, but before her thoughts can get the best of her, the door opens.
The Yoohyeon that Siyeon finds in front of her door is similar to the one under the rain she met some days prior. Instead of raindrops, crystalline tears mark her cheekbones. She’s wearing house clothes, no shoes on, her face is gloomy.
«Yoohyeon-ie–»
«Can I come in?»
Siyeon is taken by surprise by the sudden request. «Of course» she says, letting the girl in. She holds her wrist – Yoohyeon almost jumps at the unexpected contact –, leading her to what must be her bedroom.
«Forgive the mess» Siyeon says, quickly throwing some clothes off the bed into a small wardrobe. «I wasn’t expecting guests»
«I’m sorry I came just like this»
«No, no, don’t apologize, it’s okay»
Siyeon sits on her bed, patting besides it to invite Yoohyeon, who sits down awkwardly. But when she can feel Siyeon’s body warmth besides her, and the girls hand on her arm, everything suddenly feels a bit better.
«Did something happen?»
Siyeon’s voice is low and reassuring, different from the sharper tone she usually uses with others.
«Just my parents–» Yoohyeon answers, choking before she can finish the sentence. Tears start flowing again, her throat itches and everything is blurry. She feels herself being pulled gently in a hug, a tight one. Her own arms don’t move while Siyeon’s pat her back gently. Her tears – and probably some snot – soak the sweater that her face is buried in. She doesn’t worry of anything, now. Siyeon has a reassuring aura, it feels like home crying in her arms. A real home.
She doesn’t know how much time passes, but when Yoohyeon’s face finally resurfaces it’s rosy on her cheeks and her nose, and her eyes shine, the iris is lit of a cinnamon colour by a gleam of light sneaking through the window. At the corners, the sclera is reddened, and small tears still find their way out. She doesn’t dare to look at Siyeon, biting her lips as she closes her eyelids instead.
«It’s okay» Siyeon says. Her voice is comforting, just like the rain. Her fingers are warm, they gently wipe the tears off of Yoohyeon’s cheeks before falling to her shoulders, rubbing the fabric on them softly with her thumbs. «It’s going to be okay» she talks again.
Siyeon doesn’t know Yoohyeon, and neither does Yoohyeon know Siyeon, and yet she let the crying girl in her home without a second thought, comforting her despite the initial coldness of their relationship. Siyeon is like the rain, Yoohyeon will think that night going back to her apartment, I need to learn to appreciate her. But before leaving, she hangs for a while, a few hours at least. They sit comfortably on Siyeon’s bed. The latter offers her some tea, with some snacks too, and they let words flow freely, with background music playing – Siyeon really likes metal and rock, Yoohyeon finds out. And Siyeon also tells her that she will be staying in Incheon only for about a year, ‘cause of her dad’s job, then she will go back to Daegu. Yoohyeon on her behalf apologizes for the cold behaviour she had towards her, but Siyeon shrugs it off. She says it’s because she’s been stressed lately, and Siyeon nods apprehensively.
«Now you know that I’m always a few knocks away» she says.
When the sky is completely dark and Siyeon’s parents come home, Yoohyeon finally decides to leave – thought Siyeon offered a bed. Standing so close, Yoohyeon realizes that she’s slightly taller of Siyeon, enough to have to look down a bit. Siyeon hugs her quickly, just enough to reassure her that she’s going to be alright. This time, Yoohyeon promises Siyeon that they will meet again.
And so they do.
They start meeting every day after school, having lunch together too, and they often hang out by the playground of their district, volunteering to keep an eye out for the children of busy parents. Yoohyeon quickly discovers that Siyeon is very playful, and she follows along to her antics happily. And it quickly becomes their ritual to meet up when it’s raining outside, to walk through the city under the pouring water, or play in the little playground like grown children. Yoohyeon has always loved the rain, and the relationship that she had with it had always been one sided. But now, it’s not just her and the unforgiving rainfall. Siyeon is part of it too, she makes the ritual complete. She brings light through the clouds, she makes the drops gentle, she turns the wind into a warm embrace, she makes the rainbow after the storm shine brighter, it reflects in her eyes like a mirror, and they look at Yoohyeon like she always thought the rain looked at her: with innocent love, admiration, and a care that she had been looking for her whole life.
The people in her neighbourhood start calling them the “reckless duo”, and they wait no time to appropriate that title. Reckless Wolf and Reckless Puppy, the dancers in the rain, the kids of the block see them almost as anime characters. One night, however, one of them acts more reckless than the other.
It’s been almost a year since they first met. Soon, Siyeon will leave. Both of them do the best they can to shrug that dooming knowledge off of their shoulders. In the end, they can still message each other, right? One day they’ll meet again, that is for sure. They’ve made endless promises, with their pinky fingers, with a vow, Siyeon even proposed to do a bloody handshake like they always do in movie, but they both chickened out. Nonetheless, when it’s late at night and they’re having a sleepover, when the movie gets boring and they start talking instead, the knowledge that it won’t last forever acts like a third wheel between them.
Oh how Yoohyeon wishes that Siyeon was like the rain. Endless, omnipresent. She wouldn’t have to worry about her leaving. Alas, they can only enjoy each other’s present the most they can now.
The laptop was shut long ago, but both lie awake in Siyeon’s bed. The first few times, Yoohyeon insisted on sleeping in a last minute made bed on the ground, but as time passed, Siyeon slowly lured her to sleep together – not that she wouldn’t wake up with Siyeon clinging onto her every morning either ways. So they learnt to use the space on the bed the best they could, clinging together easily during the coldest months. They’re lying on their sides now, facing each other. There’s a small nightlight near the door, it has a nice and warm purple gleam, it lights their features kindly, like how a waning moon would shine on jasmines. And the perfume of Siyeon’s embrace is as sweet as that of the nocturnal flower, it inebriates Yoohyeon, filling her heart with the seed of Siyeon’s love.
They have finished talking, letting each other’s quiet fill their ears instead. Their feet entangle at the end of the bed, and their legs casually brush against each other. Siyeon is holding Yoohyeon’s hands, pinching their backs as usual – the skin on Yoohyeon’s hand has become much more loose since they’ve known each other. Hinted smiles adorn their faces, their eyes are semi closed and dark.
Words are itching Siyeon’s throat. She pushes them down heavily, turning her attention on Yoohyeon. But the more she feels the skin of her own hands against the hers, and the more she looks at her big eyes, her full cheeks, her plump lips, and the more their bodies dwell in each other’s warmth, the louder the words become, the harsher against her throat, spiking against her closed lips. She moves her hand away from Yoohyeon’s, sliding it against the girl’s arm until it rests on her neck, thumb caressing her cheek and index finger rubbing against the skin behind her ear. Yoohyeon’s smile gets just a bit smaller, her brain too overwhelmed by the sudden contact on her head, and her eyes move downwards, resting to gaze on Siyeon’s lips. The latter is biting the lower one, and when Yoohyeon raises her eyes again, Siyeon isn’t quick enough to move hers from the girl’s lips. Their feet stopped playing, and their legs are still, pressed against each other. It’s Yoohyeon who moves first. She brushes her lips against Siyeon’s awkwardly, but the quick contact burns like a sparkle. It’s Siyeon who pulls her in again. At first it’s rapid, held back. Siyeon makes her way on top of Yoohyeon, tightening her legs against the girl’s waist, and it all starts flowing. Like the rain, it flows, it fills Yoohyeon with warmth, a new reassurance. The rain, the rainbow afterwards, the clouds, the wind, the drops on a small red bucket, the gleam of a wet surface, the burning sensation of the sun on the skin once the storm is over, and the open sky, the smell of wet terrain, the droplets of water on leaves: Siyeon feels like that now. The way her hands clasp Yoohyeon’s face like the raindrops, and her body pressed against Yoohyeon’s, warm and burning like the sun, and each kiss she leaves on Yoohyeon’s lips feels like a different colour of the rainbow: It’s blue at first, cold and detached, like the sky when they first met, then it’s purple, like the nightlight in her room, it’s pink like the tips of their noses when they play under the rain, it’s green like Yoohyeon’s raincoat, it’s yellow like the sun when they promised to be there for each other, it’s red when Siyeon’s lips move to her jaw, kissing it with thirst, brushing the soft skin with her teeth and her tongue, it’s burgundy like the heat between them. Siyeon is the rain, the rainbow, the open sky. And Yoohyeon lets her give her the comfort she always looked for in the natural elements, but that she only found in the other girl.
Their last day together is warm.
It’s summer, and the rain is nowhere to be seen. There are no clouds in the sky, only a white sun, the type that cuts shadows short before they can even be born. Yoohyeon helps the moving family put all the boxes back in the van, and she waits by their car when the parents get in. They hug her tightly, thanking her for the help, and for having been Siyeon’s friend. And before they leave, Siyeon pulls Yoohyeon inside the building again, in a little space below the stairs. She doesn’t say a word. They hug, for shorter than they both wish they could. And they kiss, longing on each other’s lips for one last time, letting their tears unite. It’s a slow kiss, bitter like a lightning and sweet like rain water. It’s all the colours, all the suns and the moons they spent together. It ends in a smile, with corners trembling and eyelids shutting quickly.
«I love you»
A sob breaks Yoohyeon’s silence first.
«I love you too» she manages to say, holding back her tears.
«We will meet again soon, I promise. I’ll come back here as soon as I can» Siyeon mumbles, her voice hoarse from holding back tears. «Until then, I’ll write to you everyday, I’ll even send you letters, okay?»
Yoohyeon nods.
«We are the reckless duo, after all» Siyeon squeezes Yoohyeon’s hands, «this is just another reckless adventure».
When a voice calls for Siyeon to hurry, they bid their last farewell. Yoohyeon follows the car for as long as she can, cursing at Siyeon who seizes the chance to make jokes with her head out of the windows. When she has to stop, panting in the middle of the sidewalk, she keeps her eyes on the car, watching as Siyeon’s black hair flows against her face. Before the vehicle is completely out of sight, a scream echoes in the streets.
«Kim Yoohyeon-ah! I love you!»
Yoohyeon smiles.
«Lee Siyeon-ssi! I love you too!» she shouts back.
Reckless, until the end. The car disappears. She walks back home, sitting in front of the newly emptied apartment, letting tears meet laughter. There’s no rain today, and for once Yoohyeon isn’t bummed by that. For rain is Siyeon, and Siyeon is always there, even if she’s not. And when it rains again, the raindrops on her skin feel like Siyeon’s kisses, like her hugs and her hands on her body. Yoohyeon has always loved the rain, and the rain is now Siyeon.
Weeks pass before Yoohyeon finds something in her mail. It’s a nice little envelope. It comes from Daegu and it smells like Magnolia. She finds the flower in it, pressed but still scented. There’s a set of photos, taken from a machine at the mall probably. Siyeon is in it, and with a sharpie she drew a stickman besides her in each shot, writing at the bottom of the stripe “ I draw you in! I looks good, right? ”. There’s a candy, the brand that they used to eat the most during sleepovers, and finally a piece of paper with writing on it. Yoohyeon walks to the swing first, sitting down on the spot Siyeon used to take, gathering the courage to read it. In her mind, the image of Siyeon, standing under her umbrella the first time they talked, is still vivid. Sitting at the swing, it’s almost like Siyeon is still there.
Dear Yoohyeon,
you missed me right? :P
I miss you a lot, I talked about you to all of my friends over here, even to my sister >.< they want to meet you too! But I want to meet you again the most!
It’s been a while since we last saw each other, I miss you… I miss our nights together…
Hey! I kept my promise of sending you a letter! I’m sorry it took me a long time. There’s a reason though!
You see this?
A small arrow points to a circle, with nothing inside of it.
You may not see it, but a drop of Daegu rain fell on here! (I promise it’s not a tear!!) I waited because of this, I wanted to make this a special letter.
There’s some Daegu rain on this paper. You know, since I met you, I always go out when it’s raining! I didn’t like it much before, but now it makes me feel closer to you. See, I stay under the rain of Daegu, and you stay under the rain of Incheon, right? I hope you haven’t lost your habit >.< you still like going out in the rain right?
Well… you see, at the end of the day, we’re both under the same rain. Even if we are so many kilometers away from each other, when it’s raining, think of me! I will be at the same time down the rain in Daegu, and it will be the same rain! The same rain that hugs me, it will be hugging you. So in those moments, think of me, as if I’m there, hugging you.
When it rains, I always think of you Yoohyeon-ah, so I hope that you can feel the same with me. And when you feel hopeless, close your eyes, hear and feel the rain, and say “it will be alright” ~
We will meet again soon, I promise.
Yours truly, Siyeon.