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“ Himeko !”
Kiana’s eyes burst open, hand open as if reaching out. The young Valkyrie closed her eyes tightly, and felt the sting of unshed tears under her eyelids. She took in a shuddering breath, and her whole body wracked with the beginning of another episode. Kiana sat up and clutched her head with both hands.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she repeated, and everything faded away.
She was back in the void, with the foul consciousness residing in the depths of her mind. Sirin. That name brought fury and anguish forth until it consumed Kiana. Yes, Kiana was glad Himeko was alive, and even went to visit her, but her mind wouldn’t let go of what her body almost did.
Sobs echoed in her chest, begging to be freed, and freed they were. At first it was quiet, but then the damn broke, she broke. Hot tears trickled slowly down Kiana’s cheeks, eyes squinted and blinking rapidly. She curled in on herself, arms wrapped around her legs.
“Momma- help me!” She felt like a little girl again, one who had scraped her knee. But, the wound she had wasn’t physical, no, it was in her heart. “I’m sorry, please, I’m so so sorry!” Kiana called out, but her apologies fell into the darkness of the room.
The world around her was cold, and uncaring. She was a monster, she almost killed her auntie Himeko. Why hadn’t St. Freya thrown her out yet? Why wasn’t she being executed or experimented on?
Kiana sniffled, and her nose clogged up which forced her to breathe from her mouth. She crushed the heels of her palms to her temples, hoping the pressure would relieve some of these damned feelings but it was in vain.
Her feet and toes twisted and curled with pent up emotions. With a shuddering exhale, Kiana got up from her bed, grabbed her jacket from the nearby chair, shuffled on her shoes and fled.
——-
“What do you mean Kiana isn’t in her dorm? She missed the whole day and now she’s not even at her dorms?” Principal Theresa screeched. How could she have lost her damn niece?
Rozalia gulped, eyes widening in fear, “Maybe she’s still feeling bad about what happened with Himeko?” The small girl suggested, and her sister nudged her side.
Mei held a hand to her chin, eyes furrowed deep in thought. “No, I think it’s more than that…”
Fu Hua’s eyes widened and turned to the wine haired girl, “Mei, what do you mean?”
Mei looked down, and her hands clenched until her knuckles turned to snow. “I’m not too sure, but, if I’m right then we have to act fast. We need to be there for Kiana as her friends.” As her beloved.
The valkyries around her nodded at her words, and set out on their separate ways, comms at the ready.
——-
Kiana heard a door open softly behind her, but didn’t turn to greet the newcomer. Footsteps echoed on the hard floor of the roof. After some shuffling, a body sat down beside her.
“Mind if I join you?” The voice was Mei’s.
Kiana only nodded and pulled her hood down to cover herself more. She couldn’t let Mei see what a wimp and coward she was. Her eyes were puffy, and her tear-stained cheeks dyed red. If she were to speak, it would be in soft croaks.
Mei didn’t spare another glance at her, thankfully, and instead looked at the blue sky. The older girl seemed content, and tapped her fingers on the ground beside her.
“We were looking for you. Had us worried sick-“
“If you’re gonna lecture me then forget it, I’m not in the mood.” Kiana snapped, teeth grit in anger. She felt hot pinpricks in the corners of her eyes. No! Not again! She was done crying for today.
Mei’s head whipped towards Kiana, before her eyes softened at the girl. Mei turned her head back down, and brought her outstretched legs close to her chest, and rested her chin on top of them.
The two valkyries in training sat in an uncomfortable and suffocating silence.
“I’m a monster,” Kiana finally spoke, but it wasn’t words that Mei had expected to hear. The words that left her friend broke her heart. Mei just wanted to see Kiana’s radiant smile. Ever since what happened with Himeko, it’s like all the joy was sucked from Kiana.
“Pardon?” Mei blinked owlishly.
“I’m a monster. A waste of space. I don’t deserve to be a Valkyrie…” she trailed off, and the burning tears finally fell. Fuck, she thought she had already shed all the tears she could.
“Kiana,” Mei started, “How could ever think that-“
“It’s true! You didn’t deny it! I almost killed Himeko, it was my fault.” Kiana turned her head to her senior, and her crystalline tears flowed freely. The burning yet hollow gaze she set on Mei has the latter woman shuddering. How has this happened right under their noses? How could she claim to love the Kaslana if she didn’t even notice how she was feeling?
No words had to be exchanged anymore, because Mei brought Kiana into an almost bone-crushing hug. At the contact, everything finally came out. How Kiana felt about Himeko, her night terrors, her almost-murdered-my-teacher-aunt-thingy’s-guilt. Everything.
Mei could only listen as words escaped her. She could feel Kiana’s warm tears soaking her uniform, but she didn’t mind. She could only hug Kiana tightly and rub her back.
Finally, when Kiana’s cries died down, Mei spoke. “Kiana, no matter what you say, you are not a monster. You didn’t choose to be taken over by a fucking goddamn Herrscher!” Kiana’s eyes widened in shock. Did-Did Mei just swear ?! “Himeko is alive and well. She’s recovering, and s he doesn’t hold anything against you so why hold yourself accountable for something that didn’t happen? Please, share your burden with me if you have to! I hate seeing you in pain. I will be here for you whenever you need me, and if you wanna get rid of me you’re gonna have to kill me. We love you Kiana, and nothing is going to change that. I love you…”
Kiana let her eyes fall closed as she took in Mei’s words. She was right, wasn’t she? “I love you guys too. I love you too.”
“Are you ready to come back yet?”
“In a minute,”
Still in each other’s embrace, Kiana felt her world grow warm.