Chapter Text
There's a time in which a lot of the world will be against you. It will seem that way. I'm sure of it. Well if you're the one lucky human being who has never thought that way, perhaps you're truly blessed to observe everyone else. The first time I felt that way was very young. Even in an innocent time when things like bullying didn't even have a name, no, even then I didn't observe it as that -- the world wasn't fair, but it was just that way. I guess you could say I had no concept of fairness, and everything seemed to just "be". That was how it was. My good friend -- ah -- at the time, I had thought that way, I wondered if he was one of those lucky people whose world was always with them. As if the world was a close companion. A good friend.
But that's not the reason I thought of fairness of course. I was hoping and waiting, waiting for my quirk to come. The superpower that genetically determines your lot in life. A born hierarchy. A judgement. You could live your life with laze, but as long as you were born with a power superior to all, immediately people believed in you and saw your strength.
And that's the thing, else wise, you don't get that luxury. The world determines it as such. Hard work and determination and good decisions and luck is all everyone else has. Ah, but I guess those people had luck as well.
But that's to say I didn't. Or maybe I did. Honestly, it's hard to tell anymore. And at this point, all that mattered was my perception at the time. Well it's like that no matter what --
--
Ah, I'm rambling again. It's a bad habit that's followed me my entire life.
He told me I was quirkless. It was true. I wanted to be a hero more so than anyone and the world determined my fate. My mother and father, they had great superpowers, by any measure it was likely for me to breathe fire or maybe control it telepathically. Pyrokinesis, that's what the pediatrician theorized. So it was natural for me to hope. To love the idea of being a hero earnestly saving people. Just like the people around me admired. Just like who everyone had fun praising. That was the world I could see so clearly as if seeing a memory from the past. And it was ripped from me. My world was crumbled down, and the idea of anything I ever wanted, anything I looked forward to, what I aspired to be so earnestly and purely, was gone. Unfairly. Outside of my control. The one thing hard work couldn't save. The fate you were born into.
Simply put, the world.
A world with and without compassion. With and without hope. With and without perfect answers. With and without love, happiness, sadness, anger, anguish, purpose, justice, and much much more.
It's a big scope, and it will encompass but a fraction of it. But I hope my story of the world will give you an understanding of my plight.
But then again, maybe not.
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The rain was pouring down on the asphalt. It was a warm night in the ward of the Yavan district. The lights of the cityscape flashes against the puddles, showing a kaleidoscope of colors reflecting against the signs. The crisp mist of the rainwater evaporates slowly past midnight, allowing a gentle haze to hang in the air. A young hostess walks through a back alley, littered with trash and such, with an arm strung across her shoulder. This would be of no shock to anyone who frequents this area, the sight unfolding.
But under closer scrutiny it would be discovered: The woman was a girl not but in highschool, a hostess much too young to serve alcohol in such establishment. But that much was already evident to the boy leaning and supported against her frame, a boy also in highschool who had faked his I.D in order to drink at the establishment. In that way, they were all very much the same.
In the shady parts of this town due to the fact that quirks have sort of done away with the traditional view of what a standard teenager looks like, and also the fact that a lot of those black businesses just flat out don't care, this was allowed to happen without much scrutiny at the establishment. Naturally, the boys attempt to fake his I.D was easily seen through, just as how how the girls was when she applied for the job. But neither of them know this.
Her blonde hair was straight at the moment and held up in a small ponytail and she was wearing a black pencil dress that held tight to her frame, her high heels clicking down the alley as she held the boy with relative easy, which would be a shock considering her figure. She was a rather svelte girl, sometimes even a bit overly skinny. She wore no jewelry, but she had done her make-up heavily, (though maybe almost too sloppily). She had paled skin and sharp features that gave her a dangerous but alluring presence. That's what had drawn this boy to engage in a conversation with her, and also what had inspired him to drink so heavily. To that to be said, she was good at her job.
He was drunk and the smell of alcohol tinged breathe tingled her neck as he almost lulls himself off to sleep due to his inebriation. Carrying a bottle in one hand, and nothing in the other. She held him close to her side as she continued to step on down the alleyway. Looking down, she peaked down to his face, to which he started to mumble something:
The boy was black messily haired, wearing glasses which rims that took up a bit too much to his face. He didn't look much like a delinquent, but appearances could be deceiving, the girl told herself, and it brought a small smile to her lips as she considered this. His quirk was the ability to wrap anything in a binding cloth that shot from his hands. What could his history be? Why did he go out to the district to drink cheap booze at nights on the weekends, in a dangerous part of the city? He looked just as likely to be home playing video games at this time of night on weekends. It intrigued her to no end. It seriously amused her. And that set her heart to race.
"Uh, wha- where are ya' takin' me? To a hotel? Look just call me a taxi, I'll pay -- I need to get home..." He stuttered a bit and cleared his throat, obviously a bit embarrassed and jittery due to his position. He eased up from her side as if catching himself, pushing off of her slightly as he observed the alleyway, it was free from a main street, and started to weave between many closed industrial buildings. The boy cleared his throat.
"B-But thanks for helping me... I-I-I got a bit carried away... Actually..." The boy reached into his jean pockets and stumbled as he pulled out his wallet. "Ah shit, I spent all my money on drinks... C-Could you pay for it?"
He might be a delinquent, but it it nice to see his vulnerable side, the girl thought.
"Sure~." She said decidedly chipper, lilting her voice as she pressed the boy up against a brick wall in front of a fair escape and a dumpster, taking her arm and gently pressing him into the wall. She took a step back and observed her with her big eyes, a small grin on her face that grew more as she ran her eyes up and down his body. The boy was instantly stiff as he observed that, his mental state once again ringing his body to react as he imagined the possibilities of her every gesture. Obviously smitten with her, the girl let out a small chuckle.
"You're cute, y'know? I mean that, truly!" She said pressing a finger up in the air as if to be ready to hush him if he interrupted her. She spoke in a hurried way, but her voice was light, as if she was controlling the volume on purpose. Her arm pressed down a seem in her dress and she ran a hand across her thigh, as she suddenly stood on her toes in the heels and became face level with the boy. Her eyes widened considerably, and they slitted as if feral, her eyes were striking, even in the moonlight. Like sparkling gold they were truly like something precious in the dark. "I'll name you... Mr. Four Eyes!" She decided with a triumphant and happy declaration!
A few things happened at once for the boy. His heart burned, her closeness made him flutter with the romantic prospects of the girl, the nickname too -- But, it was weird, strange even, the energy she suddenly exuded. Manic. It was captivating, but... Off putting. Something almost felt wrong. Like you were eating cardboard absolutely covered with something sweet. It was a feeling that abstract. But nevertheless, that feeling, subtle and confusing and contradictory, was reinforced quickly as he saw the outline of her teeth as she opened her face in a smile. Sharp teeth. Too sharp. Like her mouth was that of a beast. She wasn't even a mutant quirk holder -- at least, there was nothing indicating that to him. So why?
And most importantly:
"I-I have a name... It's Daisuke..." That was the oddest thing he could concretely point too. Why name him...? They hadn't known each other for very long, they weren't that close... It was almost like he was a...
Toy. A plaything. Something inanimate that you give a name to seem alive.
So the things you did to it seemed to matter -- but only to an extent. What you do to toy is fine, even if the play you come up with is messed up to other people. It's a toy. It has no feelings or will, and at the end of the day nobody can fault you as a person fundamentally if you were doing these things to a toy. And still yet, with a toy, once you give it a name, your imagination can still have lots of fun treating it like it's not. The logic is something difficult to voice concretely, but it's a logic almost anyone who has played with one, or has seen someone play with one can understand.
But that feeling that can't be expressed easily was conveyed in that moment.
Suddenly, the boy felt it -- something that made him shiver. The girls face became quickly obscured as her mass of hair dove down towards his nape, and the boy experienced the unexpected, unfamiliar sensation of a tongue run across his neck. Suddenly however that wet sensation was quickly replaced by a searing pain, as the girls fangs piercing flesh. In a moment her mouth scrunches up as she clamps down even harder. Daisuke reaches down and grabs at her head, but her teeth's grip strength are much too strong, even as he tries to pull her off, also at the same time adding to the force of the next motion.
With a single rip, the girl lets out a growl as red streaks across the glistening road. In a second, the boys strength starts to go limp as the grip on her head starts to falter. In another second the grip of the bottle in the boys hands go lax, which she grips quickly before it falls with her mutant reflexes. Reaching with her free hand in a move that flowed through her limbs like water, gripping her dress and lifting it to reveal a knife hidden near her thigh, in another second the knife jabs into the boy with a fine, delicate, but forceful thrust through his chest.
Holding the bottle up to the knife wound and collecting the drooling blood, she looks at the dying boy with pleasure and ecstasy. Her eyes slitting even more as her mouth opens in an inhumane width, doing such an act so naturally as she feverishly flutters out, stumbling over her words in her excitement. Her face red with blush, as the moonlight showed her pale skin tinge with the heat she was feeling whelming in her body.
"Oh! Look at the color Mr. Four Eyes! I can't wait to drink, drink it all up! Mmmm! It looks just so tasty!" Her words were honey, and as the boy sputtered out chokes, his vision blurred and his ears started to no longer pick up the sweetness of the hostess's words.
"Mm! This is what love feels like, how do you feel!? I feel great! So great! Ahhhh -- This is such a relief! I feel so relieved, thank you so so so much! Thank you, Mr. Four Eyes!" Smearing the blood across her face with the back of her hand as she stabbed the knife one more time, in and out of the wound and adding another close together, the force shoving him back against the wall once more, nearly slumping if not for the impact.
"Thank you! Thank you!" She muttered to herself over and over again, the words almost sounding soothing, if they weren't so self indulgent and wrought.
Until the world became nothing except black for the boy. Slumping over next to the fire escape as the rain dribbled on his skin gently. She straddled his body still, the feeling of her touch, warm next to the cold rain. She was alive.
His life and story untold. All he wished to do... The wrongs he still needed to right...
He never woke again.
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I woke up in the bed in my house, stumbling and doing all of my basic "wake-up" routines, and heading down to my dinner table.
My mother was there, sitting at the table, having already made dinner in her diligent way. She presses her fingers together happily and looks at me with her widest smile, her feet tapping the floor in excitement as nervousness already had been flooding through my chest relentlessly.
"Izu-k-u-u-u-u-u-!" She says in a jubilant way, and I start to feast on my food as I understand exactly the conversation we're about to have.
"I'm so excited you got accepted into U.A! It's been your goal for so long!"
I smile slightly as hear this, letting out a sigh as she -- Inko Midoriya -- starts to go over this. As she says that so happily I can't help but have a second thought in my mind as I munch away on my breakfast, "my goal", something that pains me slightly as I've been lost trying to re-evaluate that. When you're accepted into General Studies in UA it's because you have great grades, and then you go and learn in their amazing courses, headed by the top teachers with top resources. When I was accepted into the school I signed up for a bunch of courses, mainly to try them all out and make the most out of my success -- but also because honestly I have no clue what I want to do. "Business" course seemed a bit too streamlined, and honestly, being quirk-less, being taught by these amazing talents with amazing quirks, I'd be a fool not to.
And because, my Mom would love to hear that I'm taking so many amazing and interesting courses.
But... I need to figure out what my next step in life is.
After I realized that I was just pretending... That I was just pretending that my dream was still alive.
Now I have to do things the way anyone without a quirk will. Which is... Not as good. But I was just being childish.
But at least I get to start my life with new classmates, not as "Deku" but as a new student that can finally make friends without people laughing at me. This is a new place, where I can finally be myself! Or maybe... Make some friends. In general. No friends. It... It sucks.
I love my mom, but she doesn't know "me". She doesn't know all of my problems. Or maybe she does, but she doesn't really understand.
"Yes mom, I'll take the train... Mhm... Yes I'll make sure to come back... I'll let you know if there's any clubs... I'll try to make friends... Yes, I have money..."
These words spill out intermittently as we eat. My mind wanders back to the nerves I'm feeling. I understand that it's going to be one of my first times at this school, but I'm sure everyone feels a bit of nerves. When it's your first day at a new school everyone will need to get accustomed to it all. Sure we did a tour, me and my mother, but it all still seems foreign, and I didn't memorize EVERY classroom... Well... Okay, maybe I did, but I feel like I'll forget the more my anxiety keeps spiking...
Oh no.
Either way my mom takes a picture of me on my phone, and I give her my best, "I just woke up and I don't want to take a picture but there's no way you won't insist on taking this picture show you can show everyone you know on your social media accounts" smile. A standard picture taking experience nowadays. As she gives me a kiss on the cheek, she pats my back and sighs.
"Tell me how it goes, and feel free to call me when schools out! I can drive you home!"
"A-Ah, yeah ok! I totally will call you!"
And thus began my first day at U.A.
It was dizzying. The school grounds are seriously awe-inspiring, and being a student there was a prestigious honor that I couldn't help but feel hopeful and excited as I was walked through the glistening and highly technology advanced (and funded) hallways and architecture. The first-years all seemed to clammer about in a wave, as if they were a bunch of fish packed together tightly as a lot of them looked around in confusion. There was so many different types of people it was almost not worth mentioning. But needless to say even from appearance alone it was obvious most people had quirks, even in the general studies wing of the school.
Hero Engineering
Hero Economics and Advertising
History
Art and Art Appreciation
and finally, Journalism.
I was shocked as I went to each and every class, how bright and energetic everyone was. Everyone walked around and picked their seats with confidence, as if with wordless judgement and ease they carried themselves into the seats without much thought, or with simple deliberation. They asked questions to the teacher with bright and thoughtful questions, being kind but also sometimes witty and playful. As I heard them do this, I felt like my hand being raised seemed less and less likely, out of abject terror of going about and saying something dumb or stuttering or mumbling. Making such a bad first impression so early, it would be a death sentence.
They were all introductions, more so to the teacher and the curriculum and syllabus than anything else. What each course would be about. Though one of my courses gave out an assignment on the first day. In the typical fashion that many overachiever teachers do, hoping to start off the year and find out immediately who will be the ones to take the class seriously, and hoping with all of their might their entire class might be just as engaged with the course as they are as the teacher. This hope almost never comes true in my experience, and as I acknowledge that to myself, I feel almost bad for the teacher.
He gives me an assignment to interview one person. About anything. But it can't be someone we know. It has to be a random stranger.
After class we head to homeroom. Where I meet my homeroom teacher. The day blurs by with relative ease, honestly there was so much to take in, it was almost overwhelming, but I've developed the habit of taking great notes (or so I've been told by teachers), and as such it was easy enough for me to get by feeling like I got everything. Even though at the end of the day I had like 50 permission slips for my mom to sign or whatever, I felt rather comfortable as the final bell rang. As it does so, I see people fill the halls, speaking to each other. I looked around at the myriad people, their youthful confidence and excitement dizzying to my head. This is high school. The time for me to finally have a school life I enjoy.
"What's your quirk?"
"Oh it's bio-hydrosis."
"Bio-wha-now?! That sounds so cool!"
"What's your quirk?"
"My fingers can become scissors!"
"Whoah, handy for sewing, huh?! Mine is just that I'm a toad, I guess."
"Let me get your number! What other classes are you in?!"
"Oh I heard that teacher sucks!"
"My brother had that teacher."
An iron ball was thrown into my gut as I looked and listened, standing still, as if hoping nobody could see my pale expression. I wanted to vomit, but I knew I had to act normal as I started to feel nausea. It's the same. The same as middle school already. So quick. What do these people have that I don't? What do I have to do to stand there with such carefree confidence? Like the future doesn't matter. Like every impression wasn't important. That no matter what happened, it'd be fine. Do these people not feel how I feel? Was I just different? Would I always be different? Was it just too late?
...
I am cursed.
There's no other explanation.
I knew it.
Taking a deep breath I step down the hall feeling a familiar anxiety welling throw me. Too similar, but I had become numb to it. The optimism I was feeling had uncovered the deep seeded wound that was left from the sensation I had been ignoring for so long. This was how it felt initially, to look around at everyone having fun and feeling special and just being me.
So I walked out, not making any eye contact. I felt like I'd start to cry if I did.
Until, I saw her. A girl with a bob of brown hair and a wide looking smile on her face as she looks down on her phone. She was a girl that evoked a soft image. Really, she felt like something that gave your eyes comfort. Gentle, confident and carefree, innocent and kind. Relatively pretty, in that overwhelmingly cute and plush kind of way.
Urm, I mean... That's evident!
I'm not say-- Ah, why am I defending myself to myself?
She was cute. And it made me feel better seeing her. Like seeing an old friend.
This was Uraraka Ochako. I barely got her name. When I took the entrance exam, I felt like I wanted to leave. And she saw my nervousness as I freaked out in front of the main building. She talked to me to calm me down. If it wasn't for her talking to me, I probably would've left.
She patted my shoulder, as I babbled worriedly about talking to a girl for the first time in ever. She said that if I get in, she'd like to be my friend. She didn't even know my name. I was wondering if she was the type of girl who would say that to everyone, and earnestly mean it.
It seemed like it. It didn't seem like it was an act, or just being nice to be nice. But that she genuinely would like to be my friend, even if all I did was act scared.
What type of angel is she, really?!
Girls like her actually exist.
It gave me a nostalgic feeling to see her, and it almost saved me, in a way. Freaking out, I took a deep breathe. Well I didn't embarrass myself yet. There was still time to make my first day at school a positive step forward. Despite all my uncertainty, that was natural. First day of high school! Time to make a new me!
Walking up to her I choke out.
"U-U-Um...! H-H-Hi!" I yelp out at her, and it looks like I almost scare her as her head darts up from her phone. Immediately, she closes the thing -- (a flip phone? people still use those?) -- and looks up at me, before a flash of recognition goes to her face.
"Oh! Midoriya-kun! Nice to see you!"
"H-H-Hi...!"
"Mm, how was your day!" She replied, as happy as ever, even after the day that drained even me as I took it all in. For a member of the hero course, it must be that much more tougher. She really was a special girl.
"It was-was good. Yeah."
"Yeah?! That's great! Mm, I kinda' didn't pay enough attention I think! I'm already forgetting the teacher's names! Ahhh, I met so many new people! It was exciting! How about you?!"
"Oh, y-yeah, it's totally overwhelming."
"Mm, you probably met a whole bunch of smart people. Smart people like you!"
Smart wasn't much of a compliment. Not like a felt like believing it much anyways. If I was smart I'd be able to figure a whole lot more out. If I was smart as people said. As my teachers said.
"R-Right, yeah, I did meet quite a lot of people today!"
"Mm, true, true, it's going to be exciting getting to know them all, right?!"
"Yeah, uh-huh...!"
"Do you wanna' go out and explore the area outside the campus?"
"Y-Yea-- Wait-- What do you mean?"
I look at her, eyes wide. I felt something clutch deep inside my chest.
"Well y'know, go out there and explore the city! Everything looks so fancy out there, right?!"
Well rockets go off, fire works fly and explode inside my head. My knees nearly catch and I nod emphatically. I probably looked like a doofus or a weirdo, but honestly considering how accepting and amazing she was, it felt like I could be myself and honest and it wouldn't matter! She's so nice! And w-wait-- Is she asking me...
To go on a date?!
No no no -- I couldn't ever be so stupid to assume something like that-- But maybe?!
Huh?! Eh!?
I feel my cheeks flush as I look down and scratch the back of my head, messing my messy hair further.
"Y-Y-Yeah! Lets do that!"
"OK! Well you should let your mom know, I said that I'd tell my parents who I was hanging out with -- That's who I was just texting!"
"O-Oh! Y-Yeah!"
I energetically, like a bolt of lighting runs through my arm as I pick up my phone and start tapping quickly, as if I didn't send the message quickly I'd miss a single moment of talking to Uraraka-- That I'd miss out on that experience, like a fleeting cold (yet somehow pleasant) breeze that I wanted to stay shivering in for as long as I could handle it.
"Hey mom, I'm going to be hanging out with a classmate after school, I'll text you where we are and where to pick me up. love you, the day was good"
Message send.
I look up at her and give her a soft smile. And she smiles back a million fold. I wonder if she sees the blush on my face. What a dangerous girl. She is like light. I almost feel as if I don't deserve someone so bright to light up my life so freely.
"Hey, Ochako-chan!~" A voice booming and confident calls out. I turned to look to see a girl, a second year, in UA. Her voice was loud and booming and overbearing. But it knocked me out of my stupor quickly.
"We still hittin' the town?!"
"Oh yeah Yuu-senpai!"
A boy that looked to be half crocodile or something -- scales covering half of his body, came and slung her arm around Yuu's shoulder.
"Her quirk was super helpful lifting the band's equipment! It was crazy!" He nods and points to Uraraka with amazing gusto.
"Oh yeah, that's super cool! -- Also, like isn't she cute?!"
"Yeah and super polite. I always wanted to be a good senpai!"
"Yeah. Ah, who's this?"
"Oh, he's Midoriya-kun!
"Oh, hero course? What's his quirk?"
She kinda looks to the side, her smile faultering for a moment before flashing at maximum brightness. I felt myself take damage somewhere immediately as Yuu asks this.
"Oh, uhm, no he's actually General Studies. And he-- He doesn't have one. A quirk, I mean."
"Oh."
"Well..."
They both looked kind of sad, as if they just brought up a dead relative by mistake.
Yeah, not having a quirk was like hearing someone you didn't know's parent was dead. It illicited the same sympathy. "My parents aren't dead -- but I know it's sad".
"I don't know what it's like not to have a quirk -- but I know it's sad".
That sort of thing. That sort of pity.
It made me feel sick.
"Well, we knew a quirk park that we wanted to show you, and a lot of my friends were going to come. I don't wanna' have to cancel... Uh-- Sorry, Midoriya-kun."
The boy said without a sense of tact, as I felt my body crack like I was a glass. I wonder if I looked pale. I wonder if that lack of tact was learned. Or perhaps it was just the type of thing you could say when you didn't care about others, because you were confident in yourself. You were already going to be a hero. Guaranteed, pretty much. You are in UA after all.
That anger seethed through me, but it quickly welled into despair, like usual. I tried not to tear up as I sat their wracked with emotion.
Quirk parks. Where kids are allowed to have a space open enough and on private property that they're allowed to freely use their quirks to play games. In big cities with technology the games are super elaborate and fun looking.
It was envious to look out on as a bystander. I understand why people would want to play that after school. No doubt.
But still, didn't it seem super easy to come up with a reason to abandon the people without quirks?
"Yeah, I understand..." I choked out.
"Mm, I'm sorry Midoriya-kun." Ochako said with a small huff, letting out a sigh.
"I'll try to figure out a time when we can hang out, promise!"
She said with a smile.
"We should get going," Said Yuu, feeling the awkward air and also trying to come up with a good reason to be free of it. Like ripping off a band-aid, and pretending you didn't do it. "The registry will fill up quick! I bet other kids are gonna try to be there too!"
"O-Oh ok! See ya' later!"
Ochako waved to me as she started to pass out the school gate.
I pressed my thumb against my phone, feeling it slip along the glass, as I looked down, dejected. People passed me by as they all made their ways out, happy. I couldn't be here.
I can't be -- here.
Where did I want to go?
I didn't know.
But not here.
As I walk I pass many different pedestrians and feel my vision blur slightly as I keep moving. I move. And move. And move. I just wanted to go somewhere. Somewhere I could express myself. Somewhere where nobody could see my outburst. So nobody would make fun of me.
After passing building after building, I didn't want there to be a single inch to where there could possibly be a fellow student who could see me. Far, far away. A tear sneaks past my defenses as I look down, looking at feet as I snake my way hurriedly past people I barely see.
I shove my body down an alleyway. And I look around hurriedly, behind me to check that no one is staring at me, as I quickly pull out my phone. I feel my bones start to tremble in my arm as I open the text app. I-I...
How dumb. No way I can say that to my mom and now suddenly say "nevermind"...
"Damn it..."
I mutter under my breathe as I wipe the tears from my eyes. I was so complicit with the situation, it was like I couldn't feel angry about it. How stupid.
I'm stupid! Really?! What can I do then huh!? Is it my fault?! Is it all my fault?! Did I do something!? Why do I always act so weak and pathetic!? People always act so easily, like they can just afford to be however they want dammit!
"DAMMIT!"
I strike my foot out a can, and it propels with great force as it clambers into a clumped several bags of trash, tied up neatly. The still wet rain from last night, and the suddenness of me kicking the can causes my balance to get shot sadly, and I end up falling on my butt. When you reach down and try to catch yourself on pavement, it also scrapes your hand. I immediately reach forward in front of my face to inspect the damage. Eh, ow, yeah a bit of it's bleeding.
Immediately a bit of pain tinges the fall, but I simply use it to crumple up even more. Great, my new dress pants are probably dirty or ripped now. Great.
... My luck.
Suddenly, I hear a bit of rustling. My head darts over to the source of the noise. A stray cat perhaps?! What if it's an angry raccoon or something?! I stand up quickly.
"H-Hello?!" I say out nervously. Whoever is hear must have heard my pathetic outburst. A wave of embarrassment surfaces immediately, replacing the anger and pain, overwriting it.
The rustling continues. And I see as a form starts to appear from the mass of garbage bags. I look at the person -- the girl -- in confusion and awe. It was a girl, probably homeless from the looks of things -- in a long black t-shirt with holes in it too big for her and boys jeans. (Also it seemed to be slightly wet, and like there's slight splashes of what looks to be -- faded what, wine stains?) She had messy blonde hair and as her eyes opened she squinted at me groggily.
And then a second later my world was turned upside down. I felt my back and head hit the ground before I even recognized what happened.
I look up and see the girl lord over me, seeing her complete figure from up close as her sharp golden eyes slitted down on me with a scrunched up face.
"Now now, you scared me~! What, you're just a student?! I thought you were someone about to steal something from me! Wow! Don't go yelling things, it's scary!" She immediately crouched low, the bagginess of her t-shirt becoming more and more apparent as she moved, it really was too big. To be honest, I feel my heart tinge with this weird sense, like I'm in the hands of a careful yet powerful person. It was not entirely unpleasant, not right off the bat, but it was a feeling like when I was allowed to tag along with Kacchan almost. Like, it's weird how someone this amazing is talking to me. That sort of thing. I was much too weak to stand in the same ring. Power wise. Personality wise.
The confidence she exuded was intoxicating.
It was like a dull poison filled my brain as she spoke. Her voice was gooey, and also breathy and dangerous, very captivating.
Entrancing.
I saw her wide smile part as she stared down at me, her face getting closer.
"...Now... What's the matter... You were crying like a baby, huh?" She said in a somber but almost amused way, her voice chilling and gentle, sweet and cruel at the same time. A vile yet lovely mix.
"Mm... U-Uh... H-H-- N-n--" What was the right answer? Oh god. Well, she saw right through it. "Y-Yes, I was..." I felt my self inhale and the sniffle of my nose would give away any sort of lie.
It was sorta obvious.
"Look at your face. It's really good. What a cute, cute face." If one thing seemed to captivate the girl, it was the face I made. In a way, it seemed as if she had already determined something she deemed important in my face. At least, that's how I came to understood it later. But her expression was one of deep interest. Pity. But also excitement. The only way I could think of why that would be if she saw through me so easily... And that my guard around her was useless.
That I should drop it immediately. She continues.
"Now, what are we to do, you crying like a big baby. How cute!" She puts a finger on my lips and pinches it, and then spreading my lip as if she was like-- inspecting my teeth or something?! I don't know, it was weird.
"Mm, something really bad happened to you, huh? Who hurt you so badly?" She said, her words cutting to a core of guilt and trauma that I didn't want anyone I just met to expose. But it's like she was able to immediately see it. Her sharp eyes gazing deep inside me, as if glaring predatory at my deepest insecurity.
"I-I... I have no friends..." I immediately started crying as those words choked past my lips. I felt unbelievably pathetic vocalizing it. It's one thing to know it, but having to admit it to the world -- no -- to someone else.
It felt so miserable. So melodramatic. But it was true. It was emphatically true.
"I have no friends... A-And I can never be what I wanted to be... Because I was born without a quirk... I'll never be able to help people... As a hero... Or anything else... B-because nobody can a-accept a loser like me... It's always like this! What am I doing wrong! I'm really, I just want to make people happy in a friendship! I-I don't ask for much, I'm not expecting anything from people -- W-Well -- not so much as -- They can at least just try to see me! Act like I have feelings!"
It all flowed out. It was painful, but good.
"Mm, mm... Good, good. Wow, who knew!" She patted her thigh and let out a sickly giggle.
"You looked like the pathetic nerdy type who wouldn't even admit their insecurities! But wow! You were super honest! Amazing!" The praise almost seemed mocking, but honestly it felt amazing when she said it. She swayed her head, the bob of messy hair moving as she does so. "Then why is it... You don't express those feelings? I mean it's completely normal, right?! Anyone could see that you need help! Someone needs to save you!"
"...But yes. Nobody likes you. Isn't that awful...? Other humans..." Her face grew slightly grim as she smiled softly, almost detached in an instant. "They talk a great talk about helping others, but they also want to be above everyone else... What's with that?"
Her voice resonated at such a frequency at some space I didn't want to even register in most of the time. I felt the apathetic tone of her voice chill me to the core. I wanted to hear her tell me -- I feel like she could say anything, and I would believe it. 'Oh, so that's exactly how it is'. I felt myself on the verge of smiling softly -- and crying even still. But most importantly, I just felt stunned, like if I act in any particular way the moment would be gone forever. That someone this amazing would just poof and leave me all alone.
"Well let's see. It's because you don't want anything from anyone else. You learned long ago that the world works better when you put your feelings last. But let's be honest, this world, it's going to bleed you dry. Heheh. It's going to push you aside and force you to either abandon the notion of being a pure and helpful person, or have you be completely helpful and never appreciate you. Middle grounds in these instances are luxuries, and honestly, you've been dealt a bad hand, right?"
I accepted her words, but I took offense to it. It didn't seem... It didn't seem like that... As long as you had your sense of good that you could provide for others, hopefully the world would become a better place in turn, and appreciate you, and you'd receive a bit of the warmth you put out.
But no, wait, she means... Right now...
How can I put out "warmth" when I can't provide anything? When I have no clue what I can provide. Where the thing I wanted to give was rejected by -- the universe itself?
But still I'm not going to abandon that value I can provide! I just -- I just can't!
Or that's what I told myself. Honestly I'm unsure. It was a stubbornness inside of me. The same stubbornness that I needed to convince myself I can still go on to UA despite being completely lost.
I will make people uncomfortable. Force my way in. I didn't deserve to be in UA. Nobody wants me there, just like nobody wanted me around as a friend, just as no one wanted me around in Middle School.
But yeah I'll hold onto that feeling like... Like I can't abandon these values. I didn't want to be the same people who hurt me.
That was my pride. So the notion of compromising --
The notion of doing anything like that!
"No quirk. No friends. No one who can give you the things you truly want... Yet you want to do a lot for those people, huh...? That must feel good..." She snickers. Reaching out her hand.
"What's your name, Mr. Mossy?" Her had long sharp nails, but her entire energy and pose made it looked inviting. But then I thought of touching her, and honestly -- hand to hand contact with a girl -- I'm not sure -- and she -- I swallow. There's no point. She could probably see in my eyes the small panic going through me. Almost as if reaching through the worry and discomfort I shakily grab her hand.
As I do so, something crazy, unbelievable happens. As if observing something near immediately, her eyes widen as a creepy grin stretches across her face, flush with red.
Take my scraped hand and leading it up to her mouth, she reveals her sharp teeth as her mouth opens, and her tongue pokes out and starts to lap at the slightly bleeding wound, like a cat licking their fur. To put it plainly, it was a weird, strange sensation, but not entirely unpleasant. Plus, the gesture was intimation, and the expression on her face being so euphoric, I felt my stomach flutter with raw emotion. I let out a small gasp at the gesture.
"W-Wha--"
I say, before she looks up at me with daggers. Like I touched on something much too sensitive.
I look away sheepishly as she kisses the wound.
"Y'know, y'should kiss the wound to make it feel better! My mama would always tell me that, after all!" She says.
It was weird. I didn't know what to do as she did that. I felt like I wanted to -- Weirdly, pat her head, or -- Sorry, what are these feelings?!
What is this girls deal!?
"U-U-Uhhhhhhhh..."
She looks at me with stark judgement. As she seems to consider something for a moment. As we're this close, I see how her height compares to mine. We are standing up, together, so close, after all that. She has a natural beauty to her, weirdly, but her face and body and clothes were filthy, and she didn't even try at all to look beautiful. Unlike any girl I've seen before, she has this dangerous magnetism that I can't help but bask in.
But isn't that sad?
This girl was sleeping in the trash. Captivating. Unique.
But without anyone, without seeming wealth.
This entire situation was strange. I just met her! And she does something like this without my permission! Completely weird. I should probably run and scream when this girl tackled me, or something else! Pushed her off! But I can't... Even if she's weird. Even if she's strange, I really don't care! Because I am too. A surge of courage pours through my chest and I take a deep breathe as I feel red glow over me. Instead of pulling me hand back I instead cleared my throat as if to catch her attention.
"Mm...!" I grunt softly, trying not to squirm too much as she tickles my finger with her tongue.
"Um, d-do you want to go... Go get something to eat! I'll pay for your meal..."
The girls smiles freezes over. Like something very wrong just happened. Staring off into the distance, she looks vacant for several seconds. The words get caught in my throat, my forehead growing hot with worry after a few seconds of her not responding.
Until finally... The girl smiles. "Well you should ask a lady her name first. And you need to say YOURS too, yeesh!" Squeezing my hand quickly she looks down and then looks up at me, as if wondering what the deal was. Like I was at fault for still holding it.
I fluster for a moment, pulling my hand back from hers. It was no mystery how embarrassed I was.
"A-Ah... Izuku Midoriya..."
"Toga Himiko." She said plainly with a small giggle at my expense. Or maybe with me.
"...Let's go, then, Izu-ku~."
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