Endeavor Go F Yourself

A year after the fall of the Paranormal Liberation Front, intensive therapy, extensive medical care, multiple family visits and suppressed issues later, Todoroki Touya is allowed monitored digital contact with the outside world in the form of a group chat with his younger siblings.
featuring: Shouto's romantic woes, Natsuo's harrowing medical school experience, Fuyumi being an actual angel, Touya actually being a good older brother, siblings finally being allowed to be siblings after their hellish childhood and tumultuous growing up.

Notes:

Hi! So this is my first BNHA fic and uh, my first fic in years in general. I don't know how this happened, the fic practically wrote itself while I helplessly tried to keep up with the bickering of the Todoroki children on my phone keyboard.
So. Shouto and Katsuki's push and pull is constantly discussed in this fic thus warranting the tag, as is Hawks and Dabi's connection and eventual relationship, and Natsuo keeps his cutie girlfriend. Enji's horrible treatment of his children will be brought up and all the Todoroki's deal with his late game change of heart in their own ways—yes, including Rei.
This was a fucking nightmare to format as I tried to give them individual chat styles. I would like to thank the instances Shouto is too out of it to remember his punctuations.
The story starts some time in the first term of Shouto's third year in UA up until his early years of Pro Hero work. And without further ado have some 10k-ish chat fic of Todorokis being Todorokis.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

[Unknown Number] created a group chat

[Unknown Number] added Todoroki Fuyumi , Todoroki Natsuo , and Todoroki Shouto

— —

[Unknown Number] greetings spawns of satan

Todoroki Natsuo: ???????

Todoroki Natsuo: who the fuck is this????

Todoroki Shouto: Excuse me, but whoever you are,

Todoroki Shouto: I will have you know I have a very specific set of skills.

[Unknown Number] jesus fuck shouto who taught you to quote movie lines

Todoroki Shouto: ...

Todoroki Shouto: I will find you,

Todoroki Fuyumi: Touya? Is it you?

Todoroki Shouto: Oh.

Todoroki Natsuo: oh shit

[Unknown Number] yup

[Unknown Number] sup fellow demons

Todoroki Shouto: Please do not call us that.

Todoroki Shouto: Also Fuyumi-neesan is an angel, you asshole.

Todoroki Natsuo: touya!!!!

Todoroki Natsuo: holy shit!!!!!!

Todoroki Natsuo: wassup man!!!!!!

Todoroki Fuyumi: Never mind that

Todoroki Fuyumi: They let you have a phone?

Todoroki Fuyumi: In...

Todoroki Fuyumi: Umm

Todoroki Natsuo: in prison yumi-nee you can say it

Todoroki Fuyumi: Natsuo!!

Todoroki Fuyumi: In custody!!

[Unknown Number] yeah otherwise howd i be able to contact you

[Unknown Number] therapist says itll probably help

[Unknown Number] also old mans money has its perks disgusting as that was to say

Todoroki Fuyumi: That's wonderful!

Todoroki Shouto: I don't think it's a good idea.

Todoroki Natsuo: oh shut up shouto

Todoroki Natsuo: dont be a killjoy for once

[Unknown Number] i only got a few numbers, not a lot, so they can monitor my texts or whatever

Todoroki Shouto: I still think it's dangerous.

Todoroki Natsuo: who else you got 👀👀👀

[Unknown Number] none of your business, brat

Todoroki Natsuo: i am. almost. a medical doctor.

[Unknown Number] and im still older natsutsu so suck it

Todoroki Shouto: [laughing evil cat sticker]

[Unknown Number] crap shou, you send cutesy stickers???

[Unknown Number] whatd they teach you in that fancy ass school

Todoroki Natsuo: you are so lucky you didnt live through his internet slang phase

Todoroki Shouto: I was trying to be "hip."

[Unknown Number] lol

Todoroki Fuyumi: Alright, that's enough boys!

Todoroki Fuyumi: I'm so glad we get to have this way to talk outside of family visits.

Todoroki Fuyumi: [teddy bear hug sticker]

[Unknown Number] yumi, i swear to god, you better not be crying

Todoroki Fuyumi: I'm not!

Todoroki Fuyumi: I am very happy though!

Todoroki Fuyumi: But I will have to cut this short, I still have lesson plans to make and submit.

Todoroki Shouto: [crying cat sticker]

[Unknown Number] jesus

[Unknown Number] alright i just

[Unknown Number] uhh

[Unknown Number] wanted to let you guys know i guess

Todoroki Shouto: [cat thumbs up sticker]

Todoroki Shouto: I also have homework left to finish.

Todoroki Shouto: Good night.

Todoroki Fuyumi: Good night boys! Play nice!

[Unknown Number] hmp

[Unknown Number] good night i guess

Todoroki Natsuo: lol night touya-nii

— —

Todoroki Natsuo registered [Unknown Number] as Todoroki Touya

— —

Todoroki Shouto: Touya.

Todoroki Touya: yo

Todoroki Shouto: You're old, right?

Todoroki Touya: what

Todoroki Touya: what the fuck

Todoroki Touya: son of a bitch

Todoroki Shouto: DO. NOT. TALK. ABOUT. MOM. LIKE. THAT.

Todoroki Touya: jesus fuck

Todoroki Touya: i meant the flaming trashcan dipshit

Todoroki Touya: but i wont say it again that was uncalled for

Todoroki Shouto: Oh.

Todoroki Shouto: ...fair

Todoroki Touya: what you want kid

Todoroki Touya: also im not old what the heck

Todoroki Shouto: You're older.

Todoroki Touya: fuck fine

Todoroki Shouto: Well,

Todoroki Shouto: Um,

Todoroki Touya: spit it out

Todoroki Shouto: I need your opinion on events that happened in your time.

Todoroki Touya: ...

Todoroki Shouto: Touya?

Todoroki Touya: never mind

Todoroki Touya: okay robotodoroki what about

Todoroki Shouto: They want us to write a paper on Destro.

Todoroki Touya: WHAT THE FUCK

Todoroki Touya: IM NOT THAT OLD ASSHOLE

Todoroki Touya: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

Todoroki Touya: I CANT BELIEVE I ACTUALLY GOT EMOTIONAL FOR A SEC

Todoroki Touya: FUCK MY LIFE

Todoroki Shouto: Sorry…?

Todoroki Natsuo: why am i seeing touya cussing out shouto

Todoroki Natsuo: its like 11pm

Todoroki Touya: THIS BASTARD THOUGHT I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW DESTRO

Todoroki Natsuo: HAHAHAHhahahahHAHAHAHA

Todoroki Natsuo: SHOUTO

Todoroki Shouto: What!

Todoroki Shouto: He said he was older!

Todoroki Natsuo: [hysterical laughing dog sticker]

Todoroki Touya: NOT LIKE THAT DUMBASS

Todoroki Touya: JUST BECAUSE YOU WERENT OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER ME MUCH BEFORE I LEFT DOESNT MEAN IM ANCIENT

Todoroki Touya: JESUS FLYING FUCK

Todoroki Shouto: Oh.

Todoroki Shouto: Sorry.

Todoroki Shouto: [big eyes cat sticker]

Todoroki Touya: christ

Todoroki Touya: dont start with the cutesy stickers

Todoroki Touya: its fucking fine

Todoroki Natsuo: seriously tho shou

Todoroki Natsuo: why would ua ask you to find someone who knows destro

Todoroki Natsuo: guy died like. decades ago.

Todoroki Shouto: ...they didn’t say that exactly.

Todoroki Touya: well what do they want you to write a paper about brat

Todoroki Shouto: They want us to reflect on the work of Destro and how it influenced society, specifically the ones who turned into villainy.

Todoroki Touya: ugh

Todoroki Touya: you mean that crappy book

Todoroki Touya: fuck that shit its full of garbage

Todoroki Natsuo: shou's gonna have a hard time though

Todoroki Natsuo: the book's been banned ever since. you know.

Todoroki Touya: as it should be

Todoroki Touya: like i said, literal garbage

Todoroki Touya: would serve a better purpose being kindling

Todoroki Natsuo: wait, shouldnt ua have a copy of the book?

Todoroki Natsuo: dont you have like a restricted section or something

Todoroki Touya: lmfaooo natsu this isnt harry potter dumbass

Todoroki Shouto: We do.

Todoroki Natsuo: what

Todoroki Natsuo: i was absolutely joking when i said that

Todoroki Touya: WHAT

Todoroki Touya: why didnt you borrow that then

Todoroki Touya: instead of asking me like im some kind of relic or some shit

Todoroki Shouto: I never said that.

Todoroki Touya: you implied it brat

Todoroki Natsuo: well, you have your answer shou

Todoroki Shouto: I can't.

Todoroki Natsuo: why??

Todoroki Touya: why

Todoroki Touya: natsu

Todoroki Natsuo: touya

Todoroki Touya: stop copying me fucker

Todoroki Natsuo: [doggy blep sticker]

Todoroki Shouto: Um,

Todoroki Natsuo: lol sorry shou

Todoroki Natsuo: so why cant you???

Todoroki Shouto: Well, there's 22 of us. And only 2 books.

Todoroki Natsuo: brutal!!!!

Todoroki Shouto: I guess.

Todoroki Shouto: Getting to the library was a literal blood bath.

Todoroki Shouto: Iida got to the door first but Asui pulled him back with her tongue.

Todoroki Shouto: He landed on Satou's face and his nose started bleeding.

Todoroki Shouto: Uraraka started shoving people away and making them float.

Todoroki Shouto: Midoriya used too much force and blasted himself through the window.

Todoroki Shouto: Shinsou managed to paralyze half the class.

Todoroki Shouto: That's before we even got out the door.

Todoroki Natsuo: holy shit

Todoroki Natsuo: are you sure ua isnt actually on some danganronpa shit or something

Todoroki Shouto: I'm not entirely sure what that is.

Todoroki Shouto: But it was funny in hindsight.

Todoroki Natsuo: you still didnt get the book

Todoroki Shouto: [sad cat sticker]

Todoroki Shouto: No.

Todoroki Shouto: Hence, Touya.

Todoroki Touya: what

Todoroki Touya: i told you im not that old

Todoroki Touya: got something to help you out though

Todoroki Natsuo: WHOA

Todoroki Natsuo: are you secretly holding contraband literature in your prison cell???

Todoroki Natsuo: damn it touya-nii!!!!

Todoroki Natsuo: what if they find it???

Todoroki Touya: its a fucking glorified mental hospital room natsu

Todoroki Touya: also no

Todoroki Touya: keigo still has some copies because he doesnt clean out his shit

Todoroki Touya: told him to drop them off at your dorm tomorrow

Todoroki Shouto: Keigo?

Todoroki Touya: oh shit

Todoroki Natsuo: TOUYA

Todoroki Touya: FUCK HOW DO YOU DELETE A MESSAGE

Todoroki Natsuo: OHMYGOD NO TAKE BACKS

Todoroki Natsuo: WHO IS KEIGO

Todoroki Touya: SHUT UP NATSU OR IM NOT GONNA HELP SHOUTO WITH HIS HOMEWORK

Todoroki Shouto: Natsuo.

Todoroki Natsuo: KQDBJSSBEJDKSKSMSODBSIS

Todoroki Natsuo: IM DYING

Todoroki Natsuo: I LITERALLY JUST GOT OUT OF SURGERY TO GRAB DINNER

Todoroki Natsuo: AND I FIND OUT MY LONG LOST VILLAIN BROTHER HAS A BOYFRIEND

Todoroki Touya: ITS NOT LIKE THAT BITCH

Todoroki Touya: STOP IT OR ELSE

Todoroki Touya: ALSO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ONLY EATING DINNER NOW DUMBASS

Todoroki Shouto: Natsuo. Please.

Todoroki Natsuo: alright fine

Todoroki Natsuo: its internship alright?

Todoroki Natsuo: schedule's never like. right.

Todoroki Touya: go eat something already asshole

Todoroki Natsuo: ugh fine

Todoroki Natsuo: only because shouto needs your help

Todoroki Natsuo: [eating dog sticker]

Todoroki Shouto: Touya?

Todoroki Touya: yeah yeah

Todoroki Touya: the books will be there tomorrow

Todoroki Touya: burn them after though

Todoroki Touya: thats all i ask

Todoroki Shouto: That's all?

Todoroki Touya: yeah whatd you expect

Todoroki Shouto: Nothing, just making sure.

Todoroki Shouto: Thank you.

Todoroki Touya: no problem kid

— —

Todoroki Fuyumi: What is this mess im waking up to?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Shouto, why is UA making you do an essay on villainy?

Todoroki Fuyumi: And who got the books?

Todoroki Fuyumi: I can't believe you didn't get them.

Todoroki Shouto: Someone got hold of me and threw me at Katsuki.

Todoroki Shouto: I'm still trying to figure out who it was.

Todoroki Shouto: Aoyama managed to get the first book because he's closest to the door.

Todoroki Shouto: And surprisingly, Mineta.

Todoroki Fuyumi: The grape boy?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Oh, Shouto.

Todoroki Shouto: [cat shrug sticker]

Todoroki Shouto: He's small, no one wants to touch him, and he got better at using his quirk for immobilizing.

Todoroki Shouto: As for the essay,

Todoroki Shouto: I'm guessing it's so we can figure out their motivations for turning to villainy.

Todoroki Touya: ouch

Todoroki Fuyumi: So you can understand them?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Good morning, Touya-nii!

Todoroki Shouto: No, so we can show them they're wrong.

Todoroki Touya: hey yumi

Todoroki Touya: man ua is brutal

Todoroki Shouto: It's fun.

Todoroki Shouto: Aizawa-sensei's here, I've got to go.

Todoroki Touya: lemme know if the books arrive brat

Todoroki Shouto: [cat thumbs up sticker]

Todoroki Fuyumi: Touya-nii

Todoroki Touya: yumi

Todoroki Fuyumi: Who is keigo?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Touya-nii?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Touya

Todoroki Fuyumi: TOUYA

Todoroki Fuyumi: I cannot believe!!!

Todoroki Fuyumi: I'm not bringing you yakitori next visit!!!

Todoroki Touya: i can live with that

Todoroki Touya: i dont know if you can though

Todoroki Fuyumi: Oh my god! You're so mean!

Todoroki Touya: lol bye yumi

Todoroki Fuyumi: This isn't over Touya-nii!

— —

Todoroki Shouto: Can we have cold soba next visit then?

Todoroki Touya: are you the fucking prisoner here brat?

Todoroki Shouto: No, but Fuyumi-neesan makes the food.

Todoroki Fuyumi: At least I still get some respect in this house.

Todoroki Shouto: You deserve it, nee-san.

Todoroki Shouto: That reminds me, something interesting happened to me today.

Todoroki Fuyumi: Oh?

Todoroki Touya: oh no

Todoroki Touya: SHOUTO

Todoroki Shouto: [cat shrug emoji]

Todoroki Shouto: You said you only wanted me to burn the books after, right?

Todoroki Shouto: I even confirmed it with you.

Todoroki Touya: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU BRAT AND YOU KNOW IT

Todoroki Shouto: Nee-san, did you know the Number 1 Hero personally dropped off some contraband books addressed to me for help with, and I quote, "my very familiar villain essay."

Todoroki Touya: SHOUTO I SWEAR TO GOD

Todoroki Fuyumi: Interesting!

Todoroki Shouto: That's not all.

Todoroki Touya: FUCK OFF SHOUTO

Todoroki Fuyumi: Hmm? Did you say thank you?

Todoroki Touya: STOP IT FUYUMI

Todoroki Shouto: [cat smirk sticker]

Todoroki Shouto: Not exactly.

Todoroki Touya: FUCKING FLYING FUCK

Todoroki Touya: SHUT IT SHOUTO

Todoroki Touya: M NEVER GONNA HELP YOU AGAIN

Todoroki Shouto: I was really surprised to see the Number 1 Hero at our doorstep you know? Especially since it looked like he flew all the way from Kyushu. So it wasn't really intentional when the first thing I said was, "You're Keigo."

Todoroki Touya: AIECHEIEBSJKSKSKSKSSJSBSUS

Todoroki Fuyumi: OH?

Todoroki Fuyumi: And what did he say?

Todoroki Touya: FUFYUMIWSIII

Todoroki Shouto: He said something like "fucking dabi and his fucking mouth" then he startled and suddenly said he left his feathers in Kyushu. He said a quick bye and next thing I knew he was flying away.

Todoroki Fuyumi: How strange!

Todoroki Fuyumi: Very interesting indeed Shouto!

Todoroki Touya: DONT THINK IM GONNA FORGET THIS YOU BRAT

Todoroki Shouto: Yeah. Midoriya was so sad he couldn't talk to him about his quirk and Tokoyami got moody when Hawks didn't say hello.

Todoroki Fuyumi: Maybe we should invite him to dinner next time so you can thank him properly?

Todoroki Shouto: Maybe. I don't have his contact number though.

Todoroki Fuyumi: I think we know someone who does. :)

Todoroki Touya: i hate this fucking family

Todoroki Fuyumi: [frowning teddy bear sticker]

Todoroki Fuyumi: Well, I guess it's cold soba for the next family visit then.

Todoroki Touya: I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY

Todoroki Shouto: [cat smirking sticker]

— —

Todoroki Natsuo: WHAT

Todoroki Natsuo: I CANNOT BELIEVE I WASNT HERE FOR THIS

Todoroki Natsuo: [man-yelling-no.gif]

Todoroki Natsuo: YOUR BOYFRIEND

Todoroki Natsuo: IS THE BIRD BOY WHO FOUGHT WITH THAT THING IN KYUSHU

Todoroki Natsuo: THE NUMBER ONE HERO

Todoroki Natsuo: YOU

Todoroki Natsuo: A WANTED CRIMINAL

Todoroki Natsuo: AN EX LIEUTENANT OF THE PARANORMAL LIBERATION FRONT

Todoroki Natsuo: DATING HAWKS OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE

Todoroki Natsuo: HOW DID YOU DO IT

Todoroki Natsuo: HOW DID YOU SNAG ONE OF THE HOTTEST HEROES IN THE FUCKING COUNTRY

Todoroki Natsuo: TOUYA

Todoroki Natsuo: I AM LOSING MY MIND

Todoroki Natsuo: TOUYAAAAAAAAA

Todoroki Natsuo: AISHWIDHSJISJDIDDKE

— —

Todoroki Natsuo change the name for Todoroki Touya to birbfucker

— —

birbfucker: alright

birbfucker: fine

birbfucker: the people monitoring my phone already know anyway

birbfucker: still

birbfucker: keigo and i had a long talk

birbfucker: jesus christ this is so embarrassing

birbfucker: but yeah

birbfucker: my boyfriend is the number one hero, hawks

birbfucker: or takami keigo, thats his real name

birbfucker: but dont go spreading that around for fucks sake

birbfucker: also hes not ONE OF the hottest heroes in the country

birbfucker: he IS the hottest hero in the country

birbfucker: bitch please

birbfucker: as if id settle for less

birbfucker: he also replaced the oversized flaming horseshit in the rankings to be number one

birbfucker: which is the best thing he did for me

birbfucker: holy fuck this is absolutely awkward

birbfucker: but yeah im gay

birbfucker: and keigo and i have been in… some kind of relationship since league days

birbfucker: ugh this is so disgusting

birbfucker: im talking feelings in the family group chat

birbfucker: my therapist is going to have a field day

birbfucker: wait

birbfucker: HWAT THE FUCK

birbfucker: WHO CHANGED MY NAME

birbfucker: NATSUO

Todoroki Natsuo: lol

Todoroki Natsuo: we still love you dont worry

Todoroki Natsuo: get that bird dick bro

Todoroki Natsuo: [dog fistbump sticker]

birbfucker: I HATE YOU

birbfucker: CHANGE IT BACK

birbfucker: WHY ARE YOU AWAKE ITS LIKE 2AM

Todoroki Natsuo: [dog shrug sticker]

Todoroki Natsuo: internship

Todoroki Natsuo: also, i dont think so, birbfucker

Todoroki Natsuo: dont worry were not gonna judge you or some shit

Todoroki Natsuo: youre not the first person in this family to have a boyfriend, hot stuff

birbfucker: WHAT

birbfucker: fuyumi never told me she was seeing someone

birbfucker: ...do i have to cremate someone?

Todoroki Natsuo: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

Todoroki Natsuo: TOUYA, NO

Todoroki Natsuo: youre already in jail

birbfucker: AGAIN, glorified mental hospital room

Todoroki Natsuo: also its not yumi

birbfucker: wait what

Todoroki Natsuo: oh wait im getting paged

birbfucker: NO NATSUO COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

birbfucker: ARE YOU SAYING SHOUTO HAS A BOYFRIEND

birbfucker: WHO IS VIOLATING OUR BABY BOY

birbfucker: WHAT THE FUCK HES LIKE. FIVE.

birbfucker: NATSUO YOU FUCKER

birbfucker: YOU TOO SHOUTO I EXPECT AN EXPLANATION WHEN YOU WAKE UP

birbfucker: GOD. DAMN.

birbfucker: and here i thought i had the dramatic reveal of the night

birbfucker: uuughghhhhhgshshsh

— —

Todoroki Shouto: Touya.

birbfucker: brat

birbfucker: you have some explaining to do

Todoroki Shouto: Natsuo is wrong.

Todoroki Shouto: I don't have a boyfriend.

birbfucker: im going to strangle the bastard next time we see each other

Todoroki Shouto: Get in line.

Todoroki Shouto: Also, congratulations.

Todoroki Shouto: I am surprised that you managed to date Hawks.

Todoroki Shouto: Even with everything going on.

Todoroki Shouto: I was wondering why he worked so hard during the trials.

Todoroki Shouto: But I am very, very happy for you.

Todoroki Shouto: I'm glad you found someone who could be there for you when we weren't.

birbfucker: wow dont go all emotional on me brat

birbfucker: when i only helped you with homework

Todoroki Shouto: It is a big deal.

Todoroki Shouto: I should know.

birbfucker: oh

Todoroki Shouto: Hmm.

birbfucker: ok

birbfucker: ok shou

birbfucker: you know you can date whoever you want right?

birbfucker: as long as they treat you right

birbfucker: or else

Todoroki Shouto: Don't worry about me, I can handle myself.

Todoroki Shouto: But yes, thank you.

birbfucker: good

Todoroki Fuyumi: What do you mean, Shouto's already been dating, he's fine.

Todoroki Fuyumi: Also Touya I'm very happy for you!!

Todoroki Fuyumi: Thank you for trusting us!

Todoroki Fuyumi: We love you very much!

birbfucker: wait back up

birbfucker: shouto

birbfucker: is dating

Todoroki Fuyumi: Yes.

Todoroki Fuyumi: You mean you really haven't asked him to be your boyfriend yet?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Shouto? Really??

Todoroki Shouto: I have class.

Todoroki Fuyumi: We already talked about this Shou! It's been 6 months!

Todoroki Shouto: CLASS.

birbfucker: WHO IS SHOUTO DATING

Todoroki Fuyumi: Oh, my bus is here, I'll chat with you guys later!

Todoroki Fuyumi: Love you all!

Todoroki Fuyumi: [teddy bear hug sticker]

Todoroki Fuyumi: [teddy bear heart sticker]

birbfucker: REALLY

birbfucker: AGAIN

birbfucker: THERE IS LITERALLY NO MORE RESPECT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

— —

birbfucker: i forgot to say

birbfucker: thank you

— —

Todoroki Natsuo: heh

Todoroki Natsuo: we love you too touya-nii

Todoroki Natsuo: shouto, as your brother and someone you have also had the feelings talk with, i am severely disappointed in you

Todoroki Natsuo: touya ill give you a clue

Todoroki Natsuo: you were actually there when shouto realized he might be something more than a classmate

Todoroki Natsuo: [dog winking sticker]

Todoroki Shouto: Please don't say it like that.

Todoroki Shouto: It was a very scary experience.

Todoroki Shouto: We both still get nightmares about it.

Todoroki Natsuo: oh

Todoroki Natsuo: oh god

Todoroki Natsuo: im so sorry shou

Todoroki Natsuo: of course

Todoroki Natsuo: ugh im an asshole brother

Todoroki Natsuo: im so so sorry shouto, i didnt mean it like that

Todoroki Shouto: It's... well it's not ok.

Todoroki Shouto: But I know you didn't mean anything bad by it.

Todoroki Shouto: Just. Don't mention stuff like that again.

Todoroki Shouto: Especially in front of Katsuki.

Todoroki Natsuo: yeah, shou

Todoroki Natsuo: i am really sorry tho

Todoroki Natsuo: i care about you both, you know that right?

Todoroki Shouto: We know, Natsuo.

Todoroki Shouto: Thank you.

Todoroki Natsuo: ill treat you to cold soba on my next off duty

Todoroki Shouto: Natsuo, you don't have to.

Todoroki Shouto: But I won't say no.

Todoroki Shouto: Also I'm bringing Katsuki.

Todoroki Natsuo: sure

Todoroki Shouto: …

Todoroki Shouto: Are we good Natsuo?

Todoroki Natsuo: just let me do this for you brat

Todoroki Natsuo: also you really got to ask him to be your boyfriend already

Todoroki Natsuo: we had The Talk like a month into you guys dating

Todoroki Shouto: I'll… think about it.

Todoroki Shouto: Just let me know when you're free.

Todoroki Shouto: We'll make time.

Todoroki Natsuo: aight

Todoroki Natsuo: gotta shower now

Todoroki Natsuo: i stink from ward work

Todoroki Shouto: [cat thumbs up sticker]

birbfucker: wait

birbfucker: WAIT A FUCKING SECOND

birbfucker: KATSUKI????

birbfucker: BAKUGOU KATSUKI???

birbfucker: EXPLOSION BOY IS YOUR BOYFRIEND????

Todoroki Shouto: Not yet.

birbfucker: oh god

birbfucker: this family is a disaster

Todoroki Shouto: Actually,

Todoroki Shouto: I'll agree with that.

— —

birbfucker changed the name for Todoroki Shouto to Romantic Disaster

— —

Romantic Disaster: You're one to talk.

Romantic Disaster: You were literally fraternizing with your enemy.

birbfucker: [mouse shrug sticker]

birbfucker: like i said, hes hot, im hot, it works out

birbfucker: besides

birbfucker: its your taste im worried about

birbfucker: i didnt know you were into aggressive, loud types

Romantic Disaster: He's unapologetically himself that is true.

Romantic Disaster: But he's the most honest person I met.

Romantic Disaster: And I'll have you know that Katsuki can also be the most caring, attentive, and sweetest person once you survive the initial angry outbursts he does when he gets flustered.

Romantic Disaster: It's cute.

birbfucker: wow

Romantic Disaster: …

Romantic Disaster: Yeah.

Romantic Disaster: He is also, as you say, hot.

Romantic Disaster: I thought it was already distracting enough with his regular costume but then he changed into his winter gear which is basically a skin tight shirt sticking to his shoulders and arms.

Romantic Disaster: It was… eye opening.

birbfucker: shouto

birbfucker: i literally did not need to know that

Romantic Disaster: Oh.

Romantic Disaster: Sorry.

birbfucker: ugh

birbfucker: its fine, alright?

birbfucker: you can talk to me about boys and shit

birbfucker: even if we both want to bleach our brains immediately after

Romantic Disaster: Thank you, Touya.

birbfucker: ugh

birbfucker: how are you dating already?

birbfucker: youre like. a baby.

birbfucker: [confused mouse sticker]

Romantic Disaster: Just because you only remember me as a child doesn't mean I stayed being a child, you know.

birbfucker: you brat

birbfucker: dont use my own words against me

Romantic Disaster: [cat shrug sticker]

Romantic Disaster: Why are you using Mickey Mouse stickers?

Romantic Disaster: You know hawks hunt mice as prey, right?

birbfucker: i know

birbfucker: [mouse winking sticker]

Romantic Disaster: You're disgusting.

— —

birbfucker changed the group chat name to 3 Adults and 1 Oversized Baby

— —

Romantic Disaster: I hate you, Touya

birbfucker: im already in prison what more do you want

— —

Todoroki Natsuo changed his own nickname to Walking Dead

— —

Walking Dead: i have no explanation

— —

Todoroki Fuyumi: Natsu?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Are you off duty?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Do you want me to come over?

Todoroki Fuyumi: I'll have food ready

Walking Dead: yes please

Todoroki Fuyumi: Alright, I'll be there in an hour

Todoroki Fuyumi: Any groceries you need me to pick up?

Todoroki Fuyumi: Text them to me, ok?

Walking Dead: thank you, yumi

Todoroki Fuyumi: Anytime. :)

— —

Walking Dead changed the name for Todoroki Fuyumi to Snow Angel

— —

Snow Angel: Boys?

Walking Dead: yeah?

birbfucker: yumi

Romantic Disaster: Yes?

Snow Angel: Are we still on for the visit on the weekend?

Romantic Disaster: Of course.

birbfucker: yea the guards all know and shit

Walking Dead: ill pick you up from the apartment, ill have to change out of my scrubs first

Snow Angel: Ok!

Snow Angel: Make sure you get some sleep before driving!

Walking Dead: yes sis, dontcha worry

Snow Angel: Shouto?

Romantic Disaster: You know where I'll be.

Snow Angel: Alright

Snow Angel: One last thing

Snow Angel: Touya?

birbfucker: yes

Snow Angel: I think it would be nice if Keigo-kun was around again this time

birbfucker: ill let him know

birbfucker: but i cant promise anything

Snow Angel: That's good enough

birbfucker: bring yakitori its his favorite food

birbfucker: please

Snow Angel: Awwwww

Snow Angel: You do care for him!

birbfucker: you know what never mind

birbfucker: birdbrain can starve

Snow Angel: Touya!

Snow Angel: You don't mean that!

birbfucker: watch me

birbfucker: see you saturday yumi

Snow Angel: 🙄

Snow Angel: I'll bring the yakitori

Snow Angel: Can't wait to see you!

— —

birbfucker: are you all home already?

Snow Angel: Yeap! Natsuo dropped me off a while ago and mom's staying with me

Snow Angel: He actually texted me when he arrived at his apartment

Snow Angel: I think he's passed out by now

birbfucker: yeah he was really tired

birbfucker: didnt know being a doctor was that tough

Snow Angel: It is, but if anyone can do it, its Natsu

birbfucker: thats true

Romantic Disaster: Katsuki and I just got to the dorms.

Romantic Disaster: We're… gonna have some things to talk about.

birbfucker: shou

Romantic Disaster: It's alright.

Romantic Disaster: It's how we work things out.

Romantic Disaster: Besides he did point out that you didn't actually actively try to harm him.

birbfucker: still

birbfucker: i still remember what it was like

birbfucker: he… didnt deserve that

Romantic Disaster: No, he didn't.

Romantic Disaster: And I will remind him when he needs it that he is no villain.

Romantic Disaster: But he knows that, lives and breathes being a hero.

Romantic Disaster: I don't really have to.

Romantic Disaster: But I will be there to do so.

Snow Angel: Oh Shou...

Romantic Disaster: Oh.

Romantic Disaster: I really love him don't I?

birbfucker: yeah brat

birbfucker: even mom can see right through you

birbfucker: both of you

Romantic Disaster: I see.

Romantic Disaster: Then perhaps we have more things to talk about.

Romantic Disaster: I have to go.

Snow Angel: Alright. :)

Snow Angel: Good night Shouto and Katsuki

birbfucker: yumi

Snow Angel: Yes, Touya-nii?

birbfucker: you didnt have to do this

birbfucker: but

birbfucker: thank you so much for arranging this

birbfucker: it means so fucking much

birbfucker: a whole afternoon with mom

birbfucker: and you asked for keigo to be there

birbfucker: fuyumi i just

birbfucker: i cant thank you enough

Snow Angel: You can

Snow Angel: When you come home

Snow Angel: That's all i ask

birbfucker: i

birbfucker: im trying my best

Snow Angel: I know you are

Snow Angel: Because this is you were talking about

Snow Angel: Touya-nii

Snow Angel: You've always been the strongest out of all of us

Snow Angel: Even if you've always been easily hurt or sick, you're the one who stood up against dad the most

Snow Angel: We didnt get to thank you enough for that either

birbfucker: even though i left

Snow Angel: Especially because you left

Snow Angel: We're sorry that we couldn't show you that we could also be your safe spaces

Snow Angel: But we can now

Snow Angel: We're all trying

Snow Angel: Right?

birbfucker: right

birbfucker: i dont deserve you guys

Snow Angel: Hmmm maybe you think you dont

Snow Angel: But you're still our brother regardless

Snow Angel: Always. :)

birbfucker: thank you

Snow Angel: You're welcome :)

Snow Angel: Good night Touya-nii

birbfucker: good night yumi

— —

Snow Angel: Oh my god!! Thank you so much you guys!!!!

Snow Angel: I was so ready for the event to be a disaster

Snow Angel: I am so glad you reminded me i could just have fun!

Snow Angel: The kids did too!!

Snow Angel: They cant stop gushing about Hawks and Miruko

Snow Angel: I already have kids asking for Shouto's and Natsuo's hands in marriage

Snow Angel: And some kids suddenly became all fired up wanting to be heroes after seeing Ground Zero

Snow Angel: Thank you so much!!!

Walking Dead: [doggy thumbs up sticker]

Walking Dead: youre welcome sis

Walking Dead: its a nice break from the hospital

Romantic Disaster: For us as well.

Romantic Disaster: We haven't gotten the chance to interact with kids since the remedial classes.

Romantic Disaster: Katsuki has certainly gotten better.

Romantic Disaster: Even though they all still cry seeing him for the first time.

birbfucker: i wish i couldve been there

birbfucker: if only to see kids crying at the sight of an exploding gremlin lol

Romantic Disaster: It wasn't that bad.

Romantic Disaster: At least he didn't bring his gauntlets this time.

Snow Angel: Why? What happened?

Romantic Disaster: Oh,

Romantic Disaster: Uh,

Romantic Disaster: The kids during the remedial classes managed to steal his gauntlets.

Walking Dead: WHAT

Walking Dead: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

Snow Angel: That's dangerous!

Romantic Disaster: Those kids were… much more unruly than your class, nee-san.

Romantic Disaster: It didn't help that their teacher was new to the job.

Snow Angel: Oh I completely understand

Snow Angel: Anyway, Touya-nii, can you send my thanks to Hawks and Miruko?

Snow Angel: Thank you so much for convincing Keigo-kun to be there

Snow Angel: And he brought his friend too

Snow Angel: Having top heroes with us really boosted the event and the kids were super starstruck

birbfucker: yeah yeah

birbfucker: its not like it was hard

birbfucker: keigo likes handling kids when its not for work

Walking Dead: gasp

Walking Dead: are we hearing some domestic wistfulness from our very own todoroki touya???

Walking Dead: edgelord supreme????

birbfucker: OH FUCK OFF NATSU

Walking Dead: [hysterical dog laughing]

Walking Dead: man you really had the rebel emo aesthetic down to pat though

Snow Angel: Natsu!

Romantic Disaster: He's not wrong.

birbfucker: oh not you too

birbfucker: at least i dont have actual grenade gauntlets hanging off my limbs

birbfucker: seems to me that someone's probably compensating for something

Romantic Disaster: Excuse me?

Romantic Disaster: I will have you know that Katsuki does not have to compensate for anything at all.

Walking Dead: oh my god

Walking Dead: hahahahahahahaHHHahahahahaha

Walking Dead: are you two really having a pissing contest on who has the better boyfriend?

birbfucker: what

birbfucker: theres no question

birbfucker: I DO

birbfucker: because keigo is actually my boyfriend not just someone im dating

Walking Dead: oooohhhh

Walking Dead: shots fired!!!!!!

Snow Angel: I just wanted to thank everyone for helping me out how did we end up to this

Romantic Disaster: Touya, you made Fuyumi-neesan sad.

birbfucker: excuse you brat, dont change the topic

birbfucker: still, sorry yumi

Walking Dead: sorry sis

Snow Angel: [teddy bear sigh sticker]

Snow Angel: Boys

— —

Walking Dead: so

Walking Dead: bakugou and shouto came in at the ER today after a minor incident during patrol

Walking Dead: guess what i learned

Romantic Disaster: Natsuo I swear to god you will regret whatever you are going to do next.

— —

Walking Dead changed the name for Romantic Disaster to 5peepeeman

— —

birbfucker: AHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

birbfucker: WHERE DID YOU GET THIS NATSU

birbfucker: THIS IS GOLD

Walking Dead: ever noticed those thingies he has hanging from his waist lmao

5peepeeman: They are first aid kits!!!

5peepeeman: For rescue missions!!!

birbfucker: tsk tsk

birbfucker: compensating

birbfucker: dont you think so natsuo

Walking Dead: why yes, i very much agree touya-nii

5peepeeman: I hate you both.

5peepeeman: I hate you both so so much.

Walking Dead: take it up with explodey boy

Walking Dead: turns out hes much more talkative doped on painkillers

5peepeeman: I'm going to break up with him.

Walking Dead: HES NOT EVEN YOUR BOYFRIEND YET

Walking Dead: i should change your name to relationship fail

Walking Dead: but youre not even in a relationship yet you poor sucker

Walking Dead: also 5peepeeman is fuckin hilarious

Walking Dead: so it stays

Snow Angel: You know what

Snow Angel: I'm not even going to ask

— —

birbfucker: brat

5peepeeman: Voldemort wannabe.

birbfucker: excuse me????

5peepeeman: Sorry.

5peepeeman: It's what Katsuki calls you.

birbfucker: I HAVE

birbfucker: A NOSE

5peepeeman: Fair point.

5peepeeman: I will get him to reconsider.

5peepeeman: What is it?

birbfucker: keigo has a problem

birbfucker: he wants to recruit the bird kid to his agency

birbfucker: and thinks he can do it with bribes

birbfucker: i have no idea how to bribe

5peepeeman: You?

5peepeeman: A literal ex-villain?

birbfucker: correction: i dont know how to bribe literal child soldiers bred for real life television series japan's next top superhero

5peepeeman: That's...

5peepeeman: Profoundly specific.

5peepeeman: Katsuki just fell off the bed laughing.

birbfucker: also hes a bird

5peepeeman: Your boyfriend is also a bird.

birbfucker: he has bird wings and is general sunshine

birbfucker: i have no idea why he came to me for advice

5peepeeman: Katsuki says it's because:

5peepeeman: "you give off the same emo rebel edgelord kid who blasts linkin park on a sunny spring day vibes"

birbfucker: am i having a conversation with you or with blasty boy

5peepeeman: hey azula knock off

5peepeeman: your kfc boyfriend is literally the top hero right now

5peepeeman: and is also generally known to be single and mysterious for whatever fuck reason

5peepeeman: anyone would kill for the chance to sidekick at his agency

5peepeeman: he just has to ask haunted birdhouse who already half worships the ground your boyfriend steps on

5peepeeman: also he literally gave a six year old girl a giant rpg sword, hes in no position to know what gifts are appropriate

5peepeeman: wait wtf icyhot's name in your group chat is 5peepeeman????

5peepeeman: lmfaaaooooooo

birbfucker: short fuse

birbfucker: according to natsuo the idea came from you

5peepeeman: black parade

5peepeeman: also i wont take credit for that, the kids from the remedial classes were fucking brutal

birbfucker: public hazard

5peepeeman: says the villain who literally leveled an entire city at the cost of his body????

birbfucker: [mouse squinty eyes sticker]

5peepeeman: [middle finger cat sticker]

5peepeeman: also

5peepeeman: apples

birbfucker: apples?

5peepeeman: tokoyami once had a bitch fit involving his chicken ghost almost decimating our dorm kitchen just because i fucking borrowed an apple from his basket

birbfucker: wow

5peepeeman: tell hawks to bring apples if he wants to make an offer hell chocobo cant refuse

birbfucker: youre the one teaching shouto to quote movie lines???

birbfucker: who knew you had culture in you hot sauce

5peepeeman: i think i reached my quota conversation with my kidnapper today

birbfucker: aw and here i thought we were having a bonding moment

5peepeeman: [cat middle finger sticker]

5peepeeman: TOUYA

birbfucker: WHAT

birbfucker: he brought it up!

5peepeeman: I suppose…

5peepeeman: Still.

birbfucker: yeah yeah

birbfucker: ill apologize in person alright

birbfucker: not here

5peepeeman: Ok.

5peepeeman: Did we help?

birbfucker: ill just let keigo read this

birbfucker: hes gonna have the time of his life at least

5peepeeman: You called him general sunshine.

birbfucker: you know what

birbfucker: ill just tell him the suggestions myself

5peepeeman: Good idea.

birbfucker: tell party popper i said thanks either way

5peepeeman: I will.

birbfucker: and shouto

5peepeeman: Yes, Touya?

birbfucker: boyfriend the fuck out of him already

birbfucker: youre so protective and trusting of him its disgusting

5peepeeman: I'll keep that in mind.

— —

Snow Angel: Natsuo!!

Snow Angel: Don't forget, its Shouto's graduation next week!

Walking Dead: yeah yeah

Walking Dead: i already fixed my sched

Walking Dead: ill be picking up mom and you right after

Snow Angel: Ok

Snow Angel: Thank you!

birbfucker: damn thats why the world looked so bright

birbfucker: its spring

Snow Angel: Touya-nii?

Snow Angel: Theyre letting you out??

birbfucker: until the gardens at least

birbfucker: forgot to mention that last time

birbfucker: ive been upgraded from total nuclear fallout underground bunker to virus quarantine lockdown

Walking Dead: what does that even mean????

birbfucker: it means i get to walk around as long as i have guards or chaperones at a respectable social distance so they don't pose a threat to my sensibilities

birbfucker: not that keigo ever follows it but theyre used to him

Snow Angel: Oh you should've told me!

Snow Angel: I could arrange a picnic for the next visit

5peepeeman: We could go after the ceremony.

Snow Angel: Shouto that's perfect!

Snow Angel: That's alright isn't it Touya-nii?

Snow Angel: Would you like that?

birbfucker: i

birbfucker: yes

birbfucker: ill ask for permission from the staff

Snow Angel: That's great!

Snow Angel: It's a date then!

Snow Angel: 😊

— —

5peepeeman: We have a problem.

Walking Dead: are you ok??? where are you???

birbfucker: shou i swear you better explain soon or else i am breaking out of this facility and itll be your fault

Snow Angel: Touya-nii, no

birbfucker: watch me

birbfucker: SHOUTO

5peepeeman: I'm fine

5peepeeman: Calm down

5peepeeman: I'm just

Snow Angel: What is it Shou?

Snow Angel: You can tell us anything

5peepeeman: I

5peepeeman: Endeavor invited himself to my graduation ceremony

5peepeeman: I cant believe he used this time to corner me

5peepeeman: I cant run from my own graduation

5peepeeman: And I'm not running away either, not when I worked for this for three years

5peepeeman: But mom

5peepeeman: Mom's gonna be there

5peepeeman: Oh god

5peepeeman: What do i do

birbfucker: shouto calm down

Snow Angel: Shou I need you to take deep breaths okay

Walking Dead: where are you

Walking Dead: is bakugou with you

Walking Dead: how did he even contact you

Walking Dead: that man's been awol since

Walking Dead: everything

Snow Angel: Shouto?

birbfucker: shou

birbfucker: shouto

birbfucker: shouto i swear to god you better reply soon or else im risking my goddamn parole sentence

5peepeeman: hi

5peepeeman: its bakugou

Snow Angel: Bakugou-kun!!

Snow Angel: Is Shouto alright?

Snow Angel: What happened?

5peepeeman: yeah, hes fine now

5peepeeman: he had a fucking panic attack

5peepeeman: he wouldnt tell me what about

5peepeeman: im getting him to breathe right now

5peepeeman: its helping

5peepeeman: but hes fine, i promise

5peepeeman: no breaking out of prisons for fucks sake shouto will actually lose his goddamned mind if that happens

Walking Dead: the old man said hes going to attend the ua graduation

5peepeeman: no shit????

5peepeeman: seriously????

5peepeeman: no wonder hes like this

5peepeeman: im gonna make us tea, i think i fucking need it more than he does

birbfucker: you… understand

5peepeeman: duh

5peepeeman: i straight up told endeavor he was a hard ass the first time we met

birbfucker: i knew there was a reason i liked you

5peepeeman: you still kidnapped me

birbfucker: wasnt my call

Snow Angel: Can we please get back to Shouto?

Snow Angel: How is he Bakugou-kun?

5peepeeman: sorry

5peepeeman: i got him to drink tea now

5peepeeman: if he can talk shit about my brewing skills he better fucking start talking

5peepeeman: huh

5peepeeman: he said endeavor contacted the faculty and aizawa asked for his permission

birbfucker: so he had an option?

5peepeeman: yes but icyhot apparently took it as a slight to himself the dumbass

5peepeeman: something about not showing weakness and shit

5peepeeman: when we met up back here, he suddenly remembered rei-san was attending

5peepeeman: then the whole panic attack thing started

5peepeeman: hes been glaring at me to return his phone

5peepeeman: i wont be letting him until his breath's more even tho

Walking Dead: thats good

Snow Angel: We still have to figure out what to do for his graduation.

5peepeeman: ill talk to endeavor

Walking Dead: what?

5peepeeman: deku, shouto, and i all interned for him before he retired

5peepeeman: im betting he still has his old phone judging by what a technological fossil he is

5peepeeman: ill have to talk with aizawa as well

5peepeeman: fuck

5peepeeman: what a mess

Snow Angel: Bakugou-kun

Snow Angel: Thank you so much

Snow Angel: But you don’t have to do anything

Snow Angel: We can figure it out

Snow Angel: I can contact dad

5peepeeman: no

5peepeeman: but i want to

5peepeeman: i dont want him anywhere near rei-san

5peepeeman: not even if she doesnt have to talk to him or shouto

5peepeeman: i wont take that risk

Snow Angel: I...

Snow Angel: Thank you

Walking Dead: is shou ok?

5peepeeman: yeah

5peepeeman: ill be giving him his phone back now

birbfucker: fireworks

5peepeeman: reverse darth vader

birbfucker: thats a good one

birbfucker: youre not half bad public hazard

5peepeeman: fuck off fall out boy i still dont like you

birbfucker: fair

5peepeeman: Is there a reason my boyfriend suddenly looks like a tomato?

5peepeeman: No one makes him flustered but me, ok?

5peepeeman: Were you flirting with him, Touya?

5peepeeman: I thought better of you.

5peepeeman: [disappointed cat sticker]

birbfucker: shou as if id ever when i have the best boyfriend

birbfucker: wait

Walking Dead: SHOUTO DID YOU SAY BOYFRIEND

Snow Angel: Oh my goodness

Snow Angel: When did this happen?

Snow Angel: Shouto!

Snow Angel: You have to tell us these things!!

birbfucker: daaaaamn

birbfucker: get that grenade dick 5peepeeman

birbfucker: [mouse high five sticker]

5peepeeman: I am already getting that dick so to speak.

Walking Dead: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

Walking Dead: AAKSHSHSHSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!

Snow Angel: [disappointed teddy bear sticker]

Snow Angel: This is a family group chat...

5peepeeman: Sorry.

5peepeeman: I'll update you on the Endeavor problem.

Walking Dead: yeah yeah

Walking Dead: go jump your boyfriend

Walking Dead: [winking dog sticker]

birbfucker: [thumbs up mouse sticker]

5peepeeman: I will.

5peepeeman: But you're all disgusting.

Snow Angel: I really didnt need this to happen today

Snow Angel: But I'm glad youre okay Shou

5peepeeman: You're the only person I respect in this family outside of mom, nee-san.

5peepeeman: [cat heart sticker]

— —

birbfucker changed the group chat name to 3 Adults and a Non-Virgin Baby

— —

Walking Dead changed the group chat name to Team Endeavor Go Fuck Yourself

— —

birbfucker: better

birbfucker: shouldve thought of that

Snow Angel: [disappointed teddy bear sticker]

— —

Snow Angel changed the group chat name to Team Endeavor Go F Yourself

— —

Walking Dead: only because its you yumi-neesan

birbfucker: fine

birbfucker: ill tolerate it

Snow Angel: [teddy bear heart sticker]

Snow Angel: I talked with dad

Snow Angel: He said he only wanted to talk with Shouto and this was the only way he could do it without getting turned down

Snow Angel: Bakugou-kun convinced him to talk to Shou before the ceremony

Snow Angel: At the dorms and only if he is also present

Snow Angel: Bakugou-kun also demanded he leave immediately after

Snow Angel: I'll deal with him then and take dad home

Snow Angel: Natsuo can get mom in once we have the all clear

birbfucker: you know what

birbfucker: blasty boy's alright

Walking Dead: he is

Snow Angel: They're good for each other

Snow Angel: So are you and Keigo-kun, Touya-nii

birbfucker: yeah yeah

birbfucker: whatever

birbfucker: we just have to wait it out then?

Snow Angel: Yes

Snow Angel: And now we wait

Walking Dead: and now we wait

— —

Walking Dead: shouto?

Walking Dead: is dad gone?

Snow Angel: We're riding home

Snow Angel: I dont know what they talked about cause dad's been strangely quiet

Snow Angel: Shou, is everything alright?

5peepeeman: Yes.

5peepeeman: Umm,

5peepeeman: Can we talk about this later?

5peepeeman: I think I just want to get through this ceremony first.

Snow Angel: Alright

Snow Angel: I'll see you guys later

birbfucker: did he hurt you

Snow Angel: Touya-nii!

5peepeeman: No

5peepeeman: No, it's not like that.

5peepeeman: Look, I'll explain later, alright?

birbfucker: alright kid

— —

birbfucker: brat

5peepeeman: Touya.

birbfucker: have you thought about it yet

birbfucker: the old mans offer

5peepeeman: I'm

5peepeeman: Well, it wasn't for me anyway right.

birbfucker: what does bakugou think about it then

5peepeeman: He's really shocked

5peepeeman: No one really expected it, is the thing

5peepeeman: But I suppose it makes sense considering the agency kept running under Burnin and the rest.

5peepeeman: Katsuki is taking it well enough...

5peepeeman: He's out talking with All Might right now

5peepeeman: I don't know what to feel

birbfucker: are you pissed he didnt give you the offer

5peepeeman: No, of course not!

5peepeeman: I think he knows that if he handed me the agency, I will point blank refuse.

5peepeeman: Never mind listening to whatever sorry excuse he told himself that there is potentially any way I would accept it

5peepeeman: But, to use Katsuki?

5peepeeman: Knowing our plans to work as a pair?

5peepeeman: I feel

5peepeeman: I dont know what to feel

birbfucker: angry that he used your relationship as an underhanded tactic but strangely relieved that you dont owe the old man anything?

5peepeeman: Huh

birbfucker: keigo and i talked after you guys left

birbfucker: he said the old man gave you a way out

birbfucker: without pressuring you into something he can do for you

birbfucker: as some kind of peace offering or some shit

5peepeeman: There is nothing he can offer me that can remove my scar, or the years mom stayed in the hospital, or the fact that Dabi existed.

birbfucker: thank you

birbfucker: but i think thats why hes giving the agency to bakugou

birbfucker: even then its still bakugou's choice isnt it?

5peepeeman: But in what world would Katsuki refuse it?

5peepeeman: He knows Katsuki would never throw away the chance to take over a former number one's agency

5peepeeman: That's like dangling some kind of carrot in front a horse

5peepeeman: Endeavor's hero agency still holds sway and still gets some really high profile assignments

5peepeeman: It shot Burnin through the ranks in just 6 months

5peepeeman: How the heck is Katsuki supposed to say no??

birbfucker: then why didnt he accept it then and there?

5peepeeman: What

birbfucker: why didnt bakugou take the agency immediately

birbfucker: think about it kid

5peepeeman: This is making my head hurt.

birbfucker: now youre just being a baby

birbfucker: there is no way in hell sparkles is just gonna step over your past to get to his goal

5peepeeman: But

5peepeeman: It's always been his dream.

5peepeeman: Being the best there is what he lives for

birbfucker: dont think this mushy shit is gonna be permanent kid but

birbfucker: hes not gonna want it, not without you

5peepeeman: Are you speaking from experience

birbfucker: maybe, but im still in prison right

5peepeeman: You're still alive and rehabilitating, slaving through the shortest sentence possible, all because the number one hero kept your heart beating and fought his own bosses for your sake.

birbfucker: if you know then stop torturing yourself over your own situation brat

birbfucker: im just saying

birbfucker: evidence obviously makes me the most likely to commit patricide amongst us

birbfucker: so take it for what it is when i say that the walking hell was trying to give you a way out of owing him anything while simultaneously giving you the best he can currently offer

birbfucker: who knew he was even capable of that level of mindfuckery

birbfucker: not a single one of us, not even mom, will judge you if youre going to build yourself a life with your boyfriend from the ashes of what hes built

Walking Dead: yes

Snow Angel: Agreed.

Snow Angel: Don't worry about it Shouto

birbfucker: have you two been lurking all this time???

birbfucker: what the fuck

5peepeeman: I

5peepeeman: Thank you.

5peepeeman: I will have to talk to Katsuki

birbfucker: i imagine hes gonna want to talk with you too

5peepeeman: Touya.

birbfucker: yeah brat

5peepeeman: You're a good older brother.

birbfucker: coming from you thats probably the equivalent of singing me praises

5peepeeman: I regret nothing.

Snow Angel: I'm proud of you guys :')

— —

Walking Dead: shouto!!!!!

Walking Dead: what the fuck!!!!

Walking Dead: im so proud of you bro!!!!

Walking Dead: that was one explosive debut!!!!

birbfucker: holy shit you really did a number on the dude with the magnifying quirk

birbfucker: sparkles didnt do half bad either

Snow Angel: I think he's still answering press questions you guys 😅

Snow Angel: Let's all calm down for a bit

Walking Dead: as if you werent the one screaming at the tv just now

Walking Dead: shou, you and bakugou can drop in for some medical care alright?

Walking Dead: ill be sure to see you both immediately

Snow Angel: I was terrified okay!!

Snow Angel: But I'm so very proud of you Shou!!

Snow Angel: Let us know if you're okay asap!!

Snow Angel: Also have dinner with us tonight, I'll cook

Snow Angel: Katsuki-kun can come over, I'll make mapo tofu!!

— —

5peepeeman: We just got away from the press.

5peepeeman: We have some minor injuries, no need for a hospital.

5peepeeman: Katsuki and I will be there tonight, nee-san.

5peepeeman: Thank you.

— —

Snow Angel: I know you all dont want to hear this

Snow Angel: But

Snow Angel: I think dad could do with a visit

Snow Angel: I dont think the isolation is doing him well

birbfucker: youre right

birbfucker: i dont want to hear this

Walking Dead: he should stay away if he knows whats good for him

Snow Angel: Natsuo!

Snow Angel: Touya, I can understand

Snow Angel: But Natsu, you've seen how he tries.

Snow Angel: Please?

Walking Dead: no

Walking Dead: do i have to turn villain too for you to get off my case about it

birbfucker: natsu, dont

Walking Dead: i dont owe him anything!

Walking Dead: i never existed as far as hes concerned

Walking Dead: he didnt even show up to my graduation and he paid for that expensive shit

Walking Dead: even though i graduated with honors

Walking Dead: its nothing to him

Snow Angel: He didn't go only because he knows you'd hate him if he showed up!

Snow Angel: God Natsuo, maybe think outside of yourself for once?

birbfucker: i appreciate the free for all trash talk against the old man thats going on

birbfucker: but maybe no infighting between siblings

5peepeeman: Katsuki and I visit him.

birbfucker: what

Walking Dead: WHAT

5peepeeman: Well, Katsuki more than me.

5peepeeman: He still doesnt like Endeavor but there's no one better who can advise him on practical hero work and running the agency.

5peepeeman: Especially because they have the same level of destructive quirks, more than what the old man and I have.

5peepeeman: Katsuki said that the old man never mentions family during these visits unless prompted.

5peepeeman: Not because he doesnt want to...

5peepeeman: But because he did it once and Katsuki want on a tirade that basically went "i would make him shut his trap if he didnt know whats good for him"

birbfucker: blasty boy's got balls

5peepeeman: Hmm.

5peepeeman: He also gave Katsuki his most recent pair of hearing aids.

5peepeeman: After that last fight with the sonar villain where his previous hearing aids got destroyed and he had to fight handicapped.

5peepeeman: He's... surprisingly attentive.

Walking Dead: the titanium modified hero comms one?

Walking Dead: bleagh

Walking Dead: im not surprised, trash throws around money like its nothing

birbfucker: he doesnt have anything better to do

Snow Angel: He's very lonely...

Walking Dead: its still not my problem

birbfucker: natsu

Snow Angel: Oh get off your high horse Natsuo

5peepeeman: You could shove your diploma to his face if it makes you feel better.

Walking Dead: im gonna talk with mom first

Walking Dead: touya, i thought youd be on my side in this

Snow Angel: There are no sides to this!!

birbfucker: i AM on your side

birbfucker: but dont go attacking fuyumi you dumbfuck or so help me im tearing you a new one when you visit

Snow Angel: I can handle myself Touya-nii thank you very much

birbfucker: youre still my little sister

Snow Angel: By literal minutes?

Walking Dead: hes right

Walking Dead: sorry fuyumi-neesan

Walking Dead: but i dont think i can do this

Snow Angel: Fine

Snow Angel: It's alright

Snow Angel: He's not expecting anything anyway

Walking Dead: well that settles it then

— —

Walking Dead: it is very much not settled

birbfucker: whats up

Walking Dead: i talked to mom just now about the whole endeavor thing

Walking Dead: she wants to visit him

birbfucker: no

5peepeeman: Absolutely not.

Snow Angel: I'll have to agree on this one

Snow Angel: I dont think its a good idea

birbfucker: natsuo, what exactly did she say

Walking Dead: she said that if i didnt want to go alone, she could go with me

birbfucker: then go on your own dumbass

Walking Dead: i still dont want to!

Walking Dead: but she seemed like she wanted to

Walking Dead: i dont know!

Walking Dead: im so confused

5peepeeman: Where are you right now?

Walking Dead: home

Walking Dead: i told her that it was a very bad idea and left

5peepeeman: Did she say why?

Walking Dead: i didnt really give her a chance to explain so

birbfucker: wow

5peepeeman: That's unexpected.

birbfucker: shes still not getting anywhere near him or even in the same neighborhood i swear to god

Snow Angel: Yes.

Snow Angel: I'll visit her on my next free day and talk her out of it.

5peepeeman: That would be for the best.

— —

birbfucker: shouto

birbfucker: give me one very good reason why i shouldnt break out of this fucking facility

birbfucker: and burn your boyfriend to ashes

5peepeeman: Because im going to do it first.

5peepeeman: If Katsuki thought he could get away with this he is sorely mistaken.

5peepeeman: Where did I go wrong

Snow Angel: Shou please focus on driving

5peepeeman: Kurumada is driving

5peepeeman: I am very much focusing on not burning down or icing over the car

birbfucker: jesus fucking flying fuck

birbfucker: im sending keigo

birbfucker: mom better be out of there in the next 30mins or i swear to god razor sharp sentient feathers are the least of your worries

5peepeeman: Shut up

5peepeeman: Don't send Hawks

5peepeeman: We're almost there.

Snow Angel: Update us please

Snow Angel: I'm headed to Natsuo's before he does something stupid

5peepeeman: Ok

— —

5peepeeman: Can I please ask everybody to stand down?

5peepeeman: We're on our way home now.

Snow Angel: How is mom?

Snow Angel: Is she alright?

birbfucker: did you break up with the atom bomb yet

5peepeeman: No

5peepeeman: And mom is...

5peepeeman: …

5peepeeman: Mom is fine, she's smiling

birbfucker: what

Walking Dead: what is going on

5peepeeman: I don't know

5peepeeman: It's hard to explain

5peepeeman: I have never seen her this serene

5peepeeman: I don't know what happened Katsuki isnt talking to me

5peepeeman: But when I arrived, the old man was kneeling on the floor

5peepeeman: He was crying, like a child

5peepeeman: While mom held his face in her hands

5peepeeman: It all looked wrong but

5peepeeman: Mom said a few more words then left him there and got into the car with me and Katsuki

5peepeeman: Oh god what do I do about Katsuki

birbfucker: fireworks can rot

5peepeeman: No! Touya, please

5peepeeman: I don't know

Snow Angel: Natsuo and I are headed to mom's apartment for now

Snow Angel: We can talk there

Snow Angel: What a mess

5peepeeman: Mom, she...

5peepeeman: Mom just said to tell you that she's fine

5peepeeman: She said that she needs time alone

5peepeeman: Katsuki will be staying with her tonight

5peepeeman: That we should all meet tomorrow at her apartment after we've all calmed down

5peepeeman: Katsuki still hasn't said anything

5peepeeman: What is going on?

Walking Dead: is that what mom really wants

5peepeeman: She said yes

birbfucker: shouto you need to breathe

5peepeeman: I'm fine

5peepeeman: I'm just really really confused

Snow Angel: We all are

Snow Angel: I hate to say this but I think we should leave this to mom

Snow Angel: She's in good hands with Katsuki-kun

5peepeeman: I've dropped them off.

5peepeeman: My relationship is in jeopardy and I don't know what to do

Snow Angel: Shouto you really to calm down

Walking Dead: fuyumi and i are headed to your apartment instead

Walking Dead: well stay with you okay

5peepeeman: Okay.

birbfucker: god fucking damn it why am i stuck here

— —

Snow Angel started a group call with Team Endeavor Go F Yourself

— —

birbfucker joined the group call at Team Endeavor Go F Yourself

— —

The call at Team Endeavor Go F Yourself has ended

— —

Snow Angel: Shouto?

Snow Angel: How are things at home?

5peepeeman: We're… working through it.

5peepeeman: We already talked when we got home and we both apologized.

5peepeeman: I bought a new microwave.

birbfucker: ever considered that maybe youre not the one who has to make a peace offering

5peepeeman: I'm the one who broke it.

5peepeeman: It's just...

5peepeeman: Katsuki knew, you know.

5peepeeman: He knew I'd be really mad that he brought mom to meet the old man.

5peepeeman: He didn't even really want to either, but he still went through because it was mom who asked.

5peepeeman: And he can't say no to her.

5peepeeman: He apologized for making us worry and about not talking things out with me first.

5peepeeman: But he's not sorry that he helped her get what she wanted.

Walking Dead: whats the gremlin know that we dont

birbfucker: and whats that

5peepeeman: Closure.

Walking Dead: oh

birbfucker: thats...

5peepeeman: Yeah...

5peepeeman: I understand now.

Walking Dead: but it hurts you know

Walking Dead: that she chose to approach him

Walking Dead: and not one of us

5peepeeman: I'm glad it was Katsuki at least.

5peepeeman: I trust him even with the stunt he pulled two days ago.

5peepeeman: But this is so confusing.

Snow Angel: She knew none of us would agree to it

Snow Angel: Even if she obviously wanted it

Walking Dead: damn it

Walking Dead: i was there!!

Walking Dead: i was the one first one she talked to about it

Walking Dead: and i shut her down

Walking Dead: as if what she wanted didnt matter

Walking Dead: as if she didnt know what she was doing

Walking Dead: god

Walking Dead: i cant believe im just like him

Snow Angel: No, you are not.

Snow Angel: Natsuo do not ever say things like that.

5peepeeman: Mom did say she hopes we understand why she didn't ask us.

5peepeeman: She knew asking us would only hurt us and herself.

5peepeeman: In a way, she was selfishly trying to protect all of us.

Walking Dead: those years

Walking Dead: they really fucked us up huh

birbfucker: yeah

birbfucker: an ex-villain, an old maid, an overcompensating manchild, and an actual terminator

birbfucker: what a bunch we make

Walking Dead: fuck todoroki enji

5peepeeman: Fuck Todoroki Enji.

Snow Angel: [teddy bear sighing sticker]

Snow Angel: Endeavor can go f himself as it were I suppose

Walking Dead: but

Walking Dead: i guess we cant deny something that mom herself already knows

birbfucker: and whats that

Walking Dead: that at least hes trying

birbfucker: yeah fuck that shit

birbfucker: the most i will do is pretend he does not exist

birbfucker: like i have done for the past couple of years

Walking Dead: i think

Walking Dead: ill have to see him at least once

Snow Angel: Natsu, you dont have to

Walking Dead: but i guess, like mom, i need to

Walking Dead: need to stand up to him face to face and know

Walking Dead: that im not in his shadow anymore

5peepeeman: It's funny that.

5peepeeman: Mom's last words to him before we left were similar.

Walking Dead: whatd she say?

5peepeeman: She said the she can finally say, she's no longer afraid of him.

Walking Dead: oh

birbfucker: oh wow

birbfucker: shes… really come a long way huh

5peepeeman: Hmm.

Snow Angel: Well, she's always been the best Todoroki :)

Walking Dead: are we

Walking Dead: are the four of us okay?

Snow Angel: You know how I already stand on the matter

Snow Angel: It's really tough luck on my part I guess that I don't have a family of my own

Snow Angel: But as it is, it seems like I'm the only willing to play caretaker for dad

Walking Dead: i think thats for the best

Walking Dead: i still have residency to go through before anything

Walking Dead: you already know im planning to propose to nezuko after that

Walking Dead: were gonna be moving out of musutafu after

Walking Dead: but ill always be here for you guys

Walking Dead: that goes especially for you two medical disasters, touya and shouto

birbfucker: yeah yeah

birbfucker: you know where ill be

birbfucker: i just hope i can get out of here before im old and dying

birbfucker: the skin grafts surgeries he funded were lifesaving

birbfucker: but other than that, even after im free

birbfucker: todoroki enji is dead to me for all i care

birbfucker: no one hurts me, or any of you, without paying for it

Walking Dead: we understand

birbfucker: good

Snow Angel: Shouto?

5peepeeman: Katsuki and I have talked about it.

5peepeeman: We'll be taking a break for a while.

Snow Angel: Oh no

Snow Angel: Oh Shou, I'm so sorry

5peepeeman: No!

5peepeeman: No, it's not like that.

5peepeeman: Kind of like a vacation?

5peepeeman: We've been working non-stop since we debuted, running the agency and climbing the ranks.

5peepeeman: Then all of this happened.

5peepeeman: We agree that we both need a breather.

5peepeeman: We're not breaking up

Snow Angel: Oh thank god

5peepeeman: Yeah, but we really need a long talk about everything.

5peepeeman: And where we go from here.

5peepeeman: But we both love each other too much and fought for this too much to let each other go.

birbfucker: gross

birbfucker: arent you two twelve year olds or something

5peepeeman: Keep talking like that and I'll support Katsuki's rise in the ranking.

5peepeeman: Hawks better watch his back.

birbfucker: hes been waiting brat, he hates how much non hero work is involved in being number one

birbfucker: esp now that the commision isnt breathing behind his back

birbfucker: still

birbfucker: i owe sparkles an apology

birbfucker: im glad you two are sticking together so that i dont have to deal with you moping at least

Walking Dead: seconded

Walking Dead: the gremlin's grown on me too who knew

Snow Angel: Bakugou-kun is sweet in his own unique way, true

Snow Angel: Plus he has the mom seal of approval now doesn't he?

Snow Angel: And I guess, in some bizarre way, dad's as well

5peepeeman: Oh.

Walking Dead: holy crap youre right

5peepeeman: Oh no.

birbfucker: what is it now

5peepeeman: I think I might have to go shopping for rings.

Snow Angel: Oh Shou...

Snow Angel: [teddy bear crying sticker]

birbfucker: …

Walking Dead: …

5peepeeman: Is that… okay?

birbfucker: yes brat its ok

birbfucker: as long as you and bakugou have talked about it

birbfucker: talk to his parents or something i dont know

birbfucker: and mom too

birbfucker: jesus

birbfucker: im too old for this shit

— —

5peepeeman: Katsuki and I are back.

5peepeeman: We didn't burn anything down.

birbfucker: i know your quirks makes anything near you two flammable

birbfucker: but how is that relevant

Walking Dead: OH

Walking Dead: OH YOU DIDNT KNOW

5peepeeman: Natsuo.

5peepeeman: No.

birbfucker: natsuo yes

birbfucker: tell me

Walking Dead: you still didnt have a phone when they started dating right

5peepeeman: Please stop.

birbfucker: yes… continue

Walking Dead: well shoutos legal guardian was called some time during his third year for "destruction of school property"

Walking Dead: fuyumi wasnt available so i went in her stead

5peepeeman: Touya, I beg of you just this once.

5peepeeman: Let it go.

birbfucker: i dont have ice powers bitch

birbfucker: come on natsu i dont have all day

Walking Dead: you are literally incarcerated

Walking Dead: ua doesnt really care much about destroyed property bc it comes as a natural hazard housing some really powerful quirks

Walking Dead: but apparently this was shouto's third offense

birbfucker: of what???

5peepeeman: You don't want to know.

birbfucker: i actually do candy cane

Walking Dead: of burning through another student's mattress

Walking Dead: specifically one bakugou katsuki's mattress

birbfucker: ooooohhhhhh

birbfucker: spicy

birbfucker: got too excited little bro

birbfucker: your gremlin boyfriend got you all hot and bothered

Walking Dead: hahahaahahahahahahaha

5peepeeman: Wow, you immediately concluded that just from a burning mattress.

5peepeeman: I suppose you’re talking from experience, Touya?

5peepeeman: Maybe I should ask Hawks how many mattresses he’s had to replace over the years.

5peepeeman: I'm sure he'd be more than happy to share.

Walking Dead: DAMN

birbfucker: i walked right into that one didnt i

5peepeeman: Yes.

5peepeeman: [IMG_1120.jpg]

birbfucker: HOLY CRAPSPSISSJWIISS

Walking Dead: shouuuu!!!!!!

Walking Dead: congrats!!!!!!!!!

Walking Dead: man kids these days really something else huh

Walking Dead: i can't even propose to my own girlfriend yet 😭

birbfucker: WHAT THE FUCK

birbfucker: YOU ARE. A CHILD.

birbfucker: WHY ARE YOU ENGAGED

5peepeeman: I haven't been a child for years now Touya.

5peepeeman: Also, I don't know where to start?

birbfucker: i dont actually want to know jesus

birbfucker: please dont go all poetic about your gremlin boyfriend in this group chat

5peepeeman: But I love him :(

5peepeeman: [pouty cat sticker]

5peepeeman: Also it's fiancé, not boyfriend.

birbfucker: gross

birbfucker: absolutely gross

birbfucker: youre too young to get hitched what the heck!!

5peepeeman: When you were my age, you managed to rise from being a no-name villain to high ranking lieutenant in an organized criminal group, seduce the number 2 hero, betray said criminal group, and get over your identity crisis.

5peepeeman: All while having badly stitched together skin and one tattered unwashed emo trenchcoat.

5peepeeman: And I can't get engaged?

Walking Dead: hes got a point

birbfucker: i just want to say

birbfucker: that keigo did the seducing, not me

birbfucker: hes the one who needed an in with the league

birbfucker: i just happened to be the fucking hottest option available

birbfucker: literally and figuratively

5peepeeman: Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you start sleeping with Hawks AFTER he got exposed as a spy?

birbfucker: …

birbfucker: [mouse shrug sticker]

birbfucker: details

Walking Dead: when is the boyfriend pissing contest gonna end lmao

Walking Dead: man, fuyumi's gonna be so pissed she missed this

— —

Walking Dead changed the name for 5peepeeman to Gremlin Wife

— —

Gremlin Wife: [cat heart sticker]

Walking Dead: disgusting

Walking Dead: you were supposed to hate it

Gremlin Wife: I'm sure.

Gremlin Wife: I still haven't forgotten what you did by the way.

Walking Dead: ??????????

— —

Gremlin Wife changed the name for Walking Dead to Gossip Girl

— —

Gossip Girl: THAT

Gossip Girl: THAT IS ABOSLITELY NOT

Gossip Girl: WHAT

birbfucker: HAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

birbfucker: nice one shou

Gremlin Wife: Thanks, Katsuki thought of it.

birbfucker: man, im so glad sparkles is joining the family

Gremlin Wife: He said: "piss off slenderman"

Gremlin Wife: But, thank you Touya.

birbfucker: anytime kid

— —

Snow Angel: Theoretically, I WOULD be pissed that this all happened behind my back

Snow Angel: If, theoretically, I wasn't the one Shouto dragged through jewelry stores looking for The Perfect Ring For Katsuki only to find nothing up to his impossibly high standards

Snow Angel: Also, I would be super mad if, again, theoretically, I wasn't the one who drove Shouto and mom to the Bakugou residence to ask for Mitsuki-san and Masaru-san's blessing

Snow Angel: I would most definitely be mad if, theoretically, I didn't see the ring first, which was when Mitsuki-san offered her mother's wedding ring to Shouto

Snow Angel: Which, theoretically, would've made Shouto the actual softie tear up and almost cry

Snow Angel: Oh, and I would be really mad if, theoretically, Shouto didn't inform me first of the successful proposal right after he slid the ring on Katsuki-kun's finger

Gossip Girl: theoretically

Gremlin Wife: You're an angel, nee-san.

Snow Angel: 😇

— —

Gossip Girl changed the group chat name to Dishonor on this Family

— —

Snow Angel: I mean... it's not wrong.

Snow Angel: It's what we were raised on right?

Gossip Girl: [hysterical laughing dog sticker]

Gremlin Wife: Can the old man be the cow?

birbfucker: kid youre a fucking genius

Gremlin Wife: That's what the cow said.

Gossip Girl: AhahahahqHAHAHQHAHQHAHQAHA

Gossip Girl: oh god, i love you guys

— —

birbfucker: speaking of nicknames

birbfucker: can i not be birdfucker anymore

birbfucker: its been years and youve all met him so you know hes not really a bird

Gremlin Wife: birbfucker*

Gremlin Wife: Is he still your boyfriend?

birbfucker: yes

birbfucker: what kind of question is that

Gremlin Wife: Then you're still a birbfucker, sorry.

birbfucker: asshole

— —

birbfucker: uhh

birbfucker: is anyone awake

Gossip Girl: touya?

Gossip Girl: whats up

Gremlin Wife: Here.

Snow Angel: Staying up late finishing some projects

Snow Angel: What’s going on?

birbfucker: what the fuck its like 1am

Gossip Girl: you asked?????

Gremlin Wife: I have night patrol.

Gremlin Wife: Not much going on.

Snow Angel: And I have a deadline tomorrow

Snow Angel: But I'm almost done

Snow Angel: What is it?

birbfucker: fine

birbfucker: i wanted to bring this up next visit

birbfucker: but

birbfucker: i couldnt sleep

Snow Angel: Is it bad?

birbfucker: no

birbfucker: actually its

birbfucker: i think its good?

birbfucker: really good

birbfucker: i cant wrap my head around it

Snow Angel: Start from the beginning?

birbfucker: okay so

birbfucker: a lady came to visit me earlier today

birbfucker: or yesterday now i guess

Gossip Girl: oooohhh a lady caller

Gossip Girl: [dog wagging eyebrows sticker]

birbfucker: fuck off natsu

birbfucker: she was very official looking and shit

birbfucker: and i know she came with keigo because i could see his stupid wings before she entered the visiting room

birbfucker: she said her name's sanguine

birbfucker: shes a registered pro hero but she specializes in underground work

birbfucker: specifically underground intelligence work with an emphasis on international missions

Gremlin Wife: Did she want some information from you?

birbfucker: actually, from what i understand, she wanted to recruit me

Gossip Girl: hold up, what

Gremlin Wife: Interesting.

birbfucker: apparently keigo has been working with her ever since his insubordination with the whole commission thing when he tried to lessen the charges against me

birbfucker: which was new information for me

birbfucker: i mean, i knew he was up to shady shit but i didnt realize it was james bond level of shady shit

birbfucker: kinda hot to be honest now that i know

Snow Angel: Touya?

Snow Angel: Focus??

birbfucker: oh right

birbfucker: she said that ive had an impeccable, her words, record during my imprisonment

birbfucker: and that shes been watching over my progress especially with my therapist over the years

birbfucker: she thinks i have well

birbfucker: in her words "agent potential"

Gossip Girl: wow

Gremlin Wife: From what she's said so far, I'm assuming she knows your work with the League?

birbfucker: yeah, much of her information actually came from keigo regarding my work with the league

birbfucker: asked her about it too

birbfucker: she said its none of her business what my past is or how i used my skills prior to my hypothetical recruitment

birbfucker: what matters is that any skills i have would benefit her team affiliated with special services who have a direct link to interpol

birbfucker: her team, which apparently, is chock full of reformers who she recruited to her cause

Gremlin Wife: Which is what?

birbfucker: sanguine actually said this not me

birbfucker: "world peace and international order"

birbfucker: like what the fuck right?

birbfucker: if she suddenly grew a second head it wouldve been less astonishing

Snow Angel: That sounds honorable...

Snow Angel: For someone who works with criminals.

birbfucker: i know!

birbfucker: and it seems she knows i think shes absolutely nuts because shes just smiling all the while

birbfucker: it was weird

Gremlin Wife: What's the catch?

birbfucker: yeah i was getting to that part

birbfucker: if i accept the job, my record would be erased from that point on

birbfucker: all my activities, my childhood, the fire, my days as dabi, the trials, and my stay here, theyll remain on paper because these were public information

birbfucker: but the rest, the data will be wiped out from every other intelligence agency except hers

Gossip Girl: wow

Gossip Girl: thats

Gremlin Wife: That's a lot to offer, for someone working underground.

Gremlin Wife: Sounds suspicious and dangerous.

birbfucker: insane right?

birbfucker: i was already thinking how intense this lady was but she just!! keeps!! smiling!!

birbfucker: so i asked her how she managed to get the hpsc to let me, of all people, under her custody

birbfucker: i was already thinking some extremes like she keeps them under quirk collars or quirk suppressors

birbfucker: but then she asks keigo to come inside

birbfucker: and i know for a fact that keigo has complete autonomy over his body

birbfucker: that he would never agree to a job without total independence after the hpsc

birbfucker: but something doesnt add up

birbfucker: because i also know that hawks is still number 1 right?

Gremlin Wife: Right.

birbfucker: apparently keigo is officially under her agency now but as their public face and occasional agent

birbfucker: she did it to pry him away from his handlers who treat him like shit

Snow Angel: That's considerate of her dont you think?

birbfucker: i know i was fucking mindblown at this point

birbfucker: but then she asks keigo to show me his "contact"

birbfucker: its the barcode tattoo on his left forearm

birbfucker: and ive noticed the tattoo before and ive asked about it

birbfucker: he said its a mark of his new life but i didnt think he meant it literally

birbfucker: she asks keigo is its alright

birbfucker: but he turns to me instead and says that i shouldnt panic about what happens next and tells me that this is him giving sanguine his consent

Gossip Girl: for what???

Gossip Girl: this is scaring me now

birbfucker: no shit

birbfucker: sanguine waves a hand and suddenly keigo's hair, eyes, and wings all turn black

birbfucker: she tells him, "takami-kun, im going to make you approach todoroki touya."

birbfucker: and he does but its obviously not him moving his body because its all stiff and jerky?

birbfucker: when he stands right in front of me, sanguine waves her hand again and he goes back to his original color, falls down on me, before laughing at the face i was making

Gremlin Wife: That's unnerving.

birbfucker: sanguine's quirk is matter manipulation

birbfucker: she can manipulate anything that takes up space as long as she's in contact with it

Gremlin Wife: But she wasn't touching Hawks when she started.

birbfucker: no it was the tattoo

birbfucker: her "contact"

birbfucker: the tattoo is made of her blood

birbfucker: the effect wears off after a while so they have to retouch every now and then with her blood

birbfucker: according to her, with the contact she can trace where her agents are if she wanted to

birbfucker: but the tattoo also allows her control over their body, not fully or smoothly, but especially when freshly applied

Snow Angel: That's horrible!

Gremlin Wife: And terrifying.

Gremlin Wife: To give control of your body like that...

Gremlin Wife: Was Hawks alright?

birbfucker: surprisingly, yes

birbfucker: keigo assured me that sanguine almost never uses her quirk to move them, usually its only for tracking

birbfucker: this was the first time she's used it on him and even then, only with his consent

Gossip Girl: im not sure i trust this one bit

Gossip Girl: do you have to get the tattoo?

birbfucker: yes

birbfucker: its the prerequisite to get me out of the facility

birbfucker: that even outside my missions, if i choose to accept them, i have to be under constant surveillance

birbfucker: anyway she tells me shes not in a rush for my decision and to think it over or talk with keigo

birbfucker: we did but i cant sleep thinking about it

Snow Angel: I don't know Touya-nii...

Snow Angel: I'm not comfortable knowing someone has an eye on you 24/7 and can move you like that

Gremlin Wife: I agree.

Gremlin Wife: But

birbfucker: but?

Gremlin Wife: For all intents and purposes, you'll be a free man once you accept.

birbfucker: yes

birbfucker: i can come home

birbfucker: its all ive been thinking about

Gossip Girl: theyll erase all record of you after your release but will still let you come home?

birbfucker: sanguine said that whatever i choose to do with my time is my own as long as im available when a mission is called and for the duration of it

birbfucker: any record associated with me after my release will be directed to her office and nowhere else

birbfucker: it sounds too impossible to be true

Gremlin Wife: Do you want me to ask Eraserhead if he knows this Sanguine?

birbfucker: yeah thatd be great

birbfucker: but keigo already vouches for her

birbfucker: i told him its probably because shes controlling him

birbfucker: and he told me theres no way her quirk can control speech especially with how far apart they are

birbfucker: at that distance he says, the contact is really only good for tracing

Gossip Girl: so there are limits?

birbfucker: yes. shes not all powerful. even if she has a seemingly overpowered quirk

birbfucker: shes just learned to maximize it

Gremlin Wife: That's very interesting.

Gremlin Wife: I'll have to ask Midoriya as well if he knows about this Sanguine.

Snow Angel: That aside

Snow Angel: Are you alright Touya-nii?

birbfucker: yeah

birbfucker: yeah im just

birbfucker: really overwhelmed right now

birbfucker: i never thought id get this chance, not this early at least

Gossip Girl: well if she waited until you were old youd be a useless as a spy right

Gossip Girl: wait are you even allowed to talk to us about this?

birbfucker: yeah, because youre family

birbfucker: keigo just never talked to me about it because he knows ill go apeshit about the contact on him

birbfucker: this is really.

birbfucker: it seems impossible isnt it?

Gremlin Wife: But you can come home.

birbfucker: yeah

birbfucker: yeah i can

Snow Angel: Do you want to?

Gossip Girl: even with that creepy ass lady practically spying on you every minute of your life

birbfucker: if thats what i need to do

Snow Angel: Then come home, Touya-niisan.

Snow Angel: We're waiting for you.

— —

birbfucker: hows it going brat

birbfucker: peed your pants yet

Snow Angel: Touya-nii!!

Snow Angel: He's nervous!

Snow Angel: Be nice!

Gossip Girl: he just burned through the hotel bathrobe so far

Gossip Girl: its fine

Gossip Girl: [this-is-fine.gif]

Gremlin Wife: i amj nuyt fojne

Gremlin Wife: u thjunl tE riim is to9 h8t

birbfucker: kid your palms are probably sweaty

Gossip Girl: wait brb he just iced the bed over lol

birbfucker: man this is gonna be the best day of my life

Snow Angel: I'm just really hoping were all alive at the end of all of this

Gossip Girl: with the cast of characters gathering for this special day???

Gossip Girl: nah i already wrote down what theyre gonna say on my tombstone

birbfucker: what "xoxo, gossip girl"

Gossip Girl: fuck off

Gossip Girl: hows mom

birbfucker: excited

birbfucker: shes been chatting with keigo the entire ride

birbfucker: i think she forgot im her son and not birdbrain over here

Gossip Girl: anyone would forget if you keep insisting on your jack skellington get up

birbfucker: youre just jealous i can pull it off

Snow Angel: Boys!

Snow Angel: Natsu, how's Shouto?

Gossip Girl: well hes back to regular temperature for now

Gossip Girl: and midoriya's here so at least that's some more damage control available

Gossip Girl: man if shou's gotta be this twitchy maybe he shouldn't have gotten married

birbfucker: take that back i still have a score to settle with sparkles

Snow Angel: Touya-nii, no

Gossip Girl: touya-nii, yes

Gossip Girl: the old man with you yet

Gossip Girl: you good there

Snow Angel: We're fine

Snow Angel: We're just lurking around at the back with the security guys

Snow Angel: He's been eating the appetizers since we arrived

Snow Angel: I think he's stress eating?

Snow Angel: I dont know why though

Gossip Girl: anyone would stress eat at this situation

birbfucker: im honestly just waiting for something to catch on fire or explode

Snow Angel: Boys!!

Snow Angel: It's Shouto's wedding day!!

Snow Angel: Can we please behave??

Gossip Girl: tell that to the old man who's eaten half the appetizers

Snow Angel: He said he paid for it anyway

Gossip Girl: yumi-neesan be a darling please and flip him off for me will you

Snow Angel: Absolutely not!!

Gossip Girl: lmao what a mess we are

birbfucker: yeah

birbfucker: keeping up with the todorokis

birbfucker: the demon father, the goddess mother, the spy, the angel, the surgeon, the terminator

birbfucker: and their partners: the little bird, the lab rat, and the sparkly gremlin

Gossip Girl: daaaamn, that would actually make a good tv show

Snow Angel: Natsuo, no

birbfucker: natsuo yes

birbfucker: ill ask keigo to be the cameraman

Gossip Girl: nezuko has some video editing skills

Gossip Girl: it could work

birbfucker: sparkles can be the unlikely favorite

birbfucker: imagine all the fangirls thirsting over his perpetually angry ass more than the resident ice prince

Gossip Girl: lmfaooooooo

Gremlin Wife: Please don't bring up Katsuki's rabid fanbase.

Gremlin Wife: We already had to ramp up security twice and change the venue.

Gremlin Wife: I'm going to have a headache.

birbfucker: shou my favorite brother, youre still alive!!

Gossip Girl: favorite??

Gossip Girl: that was uncalled for

birbfucker: hes unproblematic

Gossip Girl: he froze. all your beer last week.

birbfucker: ice cold drinks yeah?

Gremlin Wife: This is a disaster.

Gremlin Wife: We're a disaster

Snow Angel: [sighing teddy bear sticker]

Gossip Girl: the wedding hasnt even started

Gossip Girl: and no alcohol has been consumed

Gossip Girl: its only gonna get better

birbfucker: i reiterate: this is gonna be the best day of my life

Notes:

First of all, thank you so much if you read this to the end! Kudos are nice if you enjoyed, and reviews/comments absolutely appreciated.
Some notes:
- In this universe, the Paranormal Liberation Front, Shigaraki Tomura, and All for One are dealt with finality in the middle of the squad's second year at UA. Bakugou and Todoroki deal with some major Feelings in the aftermath after almost losing each other in a team-up against the villains. Of course being the romantically stunted individuals they are, it takes a hell of a lot more work to get to where they are at the end. But like a derailed trainwreck, once its started, there no stopping what they both knew deep down: that there's really no one else. Yup. I love TodoBaku so much. *sigh*
- There are 22 students in 3-A because Shinsou transferred in their second year and Mirio resumes hero studies to join them in their third year after Eri gains better control of her quirk.
- The defeat of the PLF is actually catalyzed with the aid of Dabi, who eventually turned tail with the Touya/Hawks Double Agent reveal. I have my own headcanon on how this plays out, maybe I'll write it one day who knows.
- Yes, DabiHawks were a thing even before the currently ongoing PLF War Arc with the Touya/Keigo reveal. Can't deny the magnetism there though, so they both end up seeking the other out - for redemption. And maybe some other emotion they don't want to name because it's messy.
- After the war, Hawks launches an impassioned defense of Dabi/Touya much to the displeasure of his handlers at the HPSC who try to tighten their leash on the then Number 1 hero. Lucky for Hawks, there are people interested in both him and Dabi. Sanguine steps in to take in Hawks and away from the HPSC.
- Sanguine is an OC who I actually have an entire backstory for, although it doesn't really play out the same way in this. She does outrank the HPSC in that she is the underworld version of the Japanese Naichou thus her power to take away Hawks.
- Keigo's defense of Dabi and his instrumental role in the defeat of the PLF, plus the still sizeable influence Endeavor holds over the hero world leads to his "loosely defined incarceration" at a heavily secured rehabilitation facility.
- Endeavor, as I've implied, retired following the fall of the PLF and the Touya reveal. He has since sold his family estate to retire to a smaller but no less lonely old house in the outskirts of the city. Hawks rose to number one following his retirement, not just because of his absence but by his own merit.
- Two trials hold great importance in this universe: the heavily publicized Dabi/Todoroki Touya indictment and the much quieter trial for Todoroki Enji. Nonetheless, both... weren't pretty.
- Medical internships are BRUTAL. I don't have much background on Japanese Medical Education on a personal level but the hell of internships is kind of a universal experience.
- Nezuko. Ha. If you're familiar with Kimetsu no Yaiba, you know where the name comes from. The japanese word for mouse/rat is Nezumi and I pulled that name outta my ass after hearing the devastating news of KNY's end. She's a lab rat because unlike Natsuo, she is a scientist - namely, a medical technologist.
- Reverse Darth Vader is the best thing to come out of my brain like holy shit that's so galaxy brain? (Dabi voice: You are... my father!) lmaooo happy may the 4th in some alternate universe I guess.
Again, thank you so much for reading this!!
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