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For once, Aotake was quiet. Kakeru wasn’t sure where everyone went, but there was a definitive lack of screaming, cursing, laughter and King’s incessant shouts at the TV whenever a contestant missed their chance to win some big money. The twins were out with Hana while Shindo, Musa and King had dragged Prince to some café that was supposed to have fantastic chocolate cake. Kakeru didn’t know where Nicochan-senpai and Yuki were. This morning, the two of them had seemed awfully quiet and if Kakeru didn’t know better, he’d say that he saw Yuki blush just a little bit when the elder of the two had dragged him off somewhere.
So, the entire house was quiet. Kakeru frowned as he stared at the ceiling. He wasn’t really used to quiet anymore. These days, his time was filled with loud and rambunctious laughter, screams to keep going and the drumming of ten pairs of shoes against the pavement. The constant noise made it easy to keep going. There was never really time to doubt Haiji’s crazy plans or Kakeru’s own self-worth. It was comforting to be surrounded by noise: It meant that Kakeru was never really alone.
Like clockwork, his thoughts drifted to Haiji. Kakeru was certain of only a few things in life: Crisp mornings were the best times to go on runs, he was definitely going to fail his statistics seminar and finally, he was completely and utterly in love with their team captain.
In a way he’d known for quite a while now, Kakeru mused. The moment that Haiji, full of energy and with those madly glinting eyes had chased him down on that bike, something previously unknown had been awakened inside Kakeru. In the beginning, he thought it was simply the shock of being so completely overwhelmed with this random beautiful boy chasing him down the street on a bicycle and asking him about running like it was the most normal thing in the world. He thought that the excessive jumping of his heart over the first few days were just his anxiety acting up around so many new people. Looking back on it now, anxiety usually did not involve blushing or staring at the way droplets of water ran down Haiji’s exposed chest whenever they went to the bathhouse together. Kakeru shook his head. That was dangerous territory.
If someone had asked him to pinpoint the moment where he figured out that Haiji was attractive (or rather drop-dead gorgeous, but words were never really his forte after all), the answer would probably be that very first morning after moving into Aotake. Haiji’s earnestness was something that still shook him even six months after meeting him, but that first morning when the other had declared without a doubt that they were going to run in the Hakone Ekiden the rising sun framing his face and making his beautiful, beautiful brown eyes shine literally took Kakeru’s breath away. Of course, he was buried in his own issues for a good part of the first few months he knew the elder and he repressed any foreign feelings towards their de-facto coach quickly.
Haiji collapsing had nearly broken that harsh suppression. There was little that shook Kakeru as deeply as seeing their normally so energetic and mischievous Haiji lie on the floor motionless. Motionless Haiji did not fit into his worldview at all. Haiji was fast, he was energetic, his presence enigmatic, his smile utterly electrifying when turned up to full force. Kakeru’s heart had nearly given out alongside Haiji’s body and he’d resolved to do everything in his power to support him in the future, trying to ignore the guilt and the self-hatred that were gnawing at his heart.
But the very moment when Kakeru realised he was in love with Haiji was when Kansei had made it into tenth place at the qualifier and Haiji had turned to him with the widest, happiest eyes he’d ever seen. Kakeru was sure that he was never going to forget just how red and flushed and happy and ecstatic Haiji looked like. He had been drenched in sweat and water, resting his weight on his good knee, his hair a mess but right then and there, he looked like the most beautiful person in the world. His brown eyes were actually sparkling, like he was some character from Prince’s shoujo manga. There was so much in that single look the two of them shared before the whole team ended up in a big, sweaty, muddy pile on the ground. Haiji had looked at Kakeru with such unguarded happiness and pride and gratitude and love. The only thing that had stopped Kakeru from grabbing Haiji’s beaming face and kissing him until he couldn’t breathe anymore had been Kakeru’s own cowardice.
The moment had passed and Haiji had turned his attention elsewhere, but the following days Kakeru hadn’t been able to stop himself from staring at Haiji during their runs, during breakfast, dinner and the parties the team threw to celebrate that Haiji’s mad dream of running the Hakone Ekiden was actually happening. Kakeru still hadn’t fully comprehended that part yet. It still seemed too unreal, too perfect. Every time he would think of Hakone, his chest would swell up with so much giddy excitement and happiness and something so, so much grander that he’d start giggling. Jota had heard him giggle into his pillow a few days ago when he thought of Haiji, Hakone and the team and he still looked at him funny.
Now, Kakeru was still stifling some giggles against his palm. His life was in no way perfect, he thought, but right now it seemed about as good as it could possibly get and the smell of cookies emanating from outside of his room was only amplifying his unusually good mood. He sat up when noticing this and scrambled to get off his futon on the ground. Cookies were always worth stopping your existential musings over.
Kakeru stalked towards the kitchen, following his nose, and trying to find the source of the delicious smell. When he rounded the corner and lifted the blue fabric, he was met with a sight that sent a jolt down his spine and inexplicable warmth through his face.
Haiji was standing in front of the sink, humming some tune under his breath and washing a few dishes as the fresh cookies on the table filled the room with a sweet, chocolatey smell. Nothing about Haiji was in any way out of the ordinary: He was wearing his apron and his tracksuit that he seemed to have been born in. His hair was still brown and slightly messy, a piece of chocolate was stuck to his ear and there were some soap suds on his forearm. He looked just like he looked every single day, just as at home in the kitchen as he was on the track but Kakeru’s heart clenched tightly at the sight.
Kakeru cleared his throat to keep himself from choking up at the mere sight of Haiji doing the dishes of all things and Haiji craned his neck and looked back at him. A sweet, wide smile appeared on his face when he saw Kakeru standing in the doorframe.
‘How long have you been standing there, looking at me and not helping me with the dishes?’, he asked, his tone light and teasing and that familiar twinkle which always made Kakeru blush in his eyes.
‘Uh, not long’, Kakeru said, his voice squeaky, thoroughly embarrassed at being caught staring.
‘Alright well, the sooner we get these done, the faster we get to eat those cookies. So, come on and help me with this’, Haiji said, depositing another bowl on the drying rack.
Kakeru nodded awkwardly and shuffled to Haiji’s side, ears still burning. Haiji nudged him with his shoulder lightly as he went to grab a towel and started drying the utensils. The two did their chores in companionable silence for a while until Kakeru asked:
‘Cookies?’
‘I thought the team deserved a treat. We’ve all worked so hard and made it all the way to the race, so I think my eating plan can definitely handle a few cookies today. They’re an American recipe I found online’, Haiji explained.
‘Oh’, Kakeru said, not really knowing how to respond. ‘I love chocolate chip cookies, they’re my favourite’, he added after some consideration.
Haiji shot him one of those bright smiles that made Kakeru want to write poetry at three am containing lots of badly written metaphors about the sun being a person.
‘Well then, Kakeru, I’m extra glad I decided on this’, he said. Kakeru privately thought that no one could really make his name sound quite as wonderful as Haiji could. His voice just had an entirely unique cadence and it struck Kakeru somewhere deep in his soul.
‘Me too’, he murmured, his voice shaking a bit. He wasn’t necessarily talking about the cookies all that much anymore, but if Haiji picked up on that, he showed no sign.
After Kakeru had deposited the last plate in its rightful place, he turned around only to be met with a beaming Haiji holding a cookie in his outstretched hand. Kakeru stared at him dumbly for a few seconds.
‘Open up’, Haiji said, supressing a laugh at Kakeru’s dumbfounded expression.
Kakeru’s heart pounded loudly as he felt blood rush into his ears and face and he shily opened his mouth. Haiji slowly fed him the cookie with a smile and a strange glint in his eyes that Kakeru couldn’t place. When he was done, Haiji’s fingers brushed over Kakeru’s lips softly as he withdrew and Kakeru’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest. Being in close quarters with Haiji really was extremely bad for his composure.
Haiji withdrew his hand slowly and for a second, his gaze focussed on Kakeru’s crumb-covered lips. The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds, the air in the room thick with something yet unnamed and unknown, Kakeru’s eyes flickering between Haiji’s fingers and his face. Haiji’s expression was similar to the one he’d worn when they had gotten into tenth place just a few days ago. There was undeniable happiness but also something else… What was it? It seemed almost like… longing.
‘Delicious’, Kakeru croaked, unable to bear the tension anymore.
‘Thank you’, answered Haiji, his voice considerably quieter now.
‘Haiji, you have uhh-‘, Kakeru stuttered and pointed towards the piece of chocolate stuck to Haiji’s ear, trying not to get distracted by the way Haiji’s chocolate brown eyes bore into his soul.
Haiji frowned, confused and Kakeru made split-second decision and leaned closer, moving his hands towards Haiji’s ear, when suddenly Haiji’s eyes widened.
The other moved quicker than Kakeru could comprehend and suddenly there were lips pressed against his own parted ones and Kakeru was pretty sure that there had been some reason why his hand was hovering next to Haiji’s head but all of his higher mental functions had been shut down because he. Was kissing. Haiji. Haiji, whose lips were chapped and who smelled like sport clothes and a bit of cheap beer and chocolate and fresh air and whose hands were suddenly fisting Kakeru’s shirt and curling into his hair. Haiji, who somehow managed to press Kakeru against the sink softly, making him completely unable to think or form any rational thought except for Haiji, Haiji, Haiji. There was no space between the two of them, their bodies were pressed together so tightly and Kakeru could feel Haiji’s heart racing right alongside his as Haiji kissed him like he was a starving man.
Kakeru did feel like he had been starving until this very moment. He cupped Haiji’s face with both of his hands and allowed Haiji to slide his tongue in between his parted lips with a quiet whine. His entire body was thrumming more than it had after finishing the qualifier and his knees felt so weak that he was more than happy to have the sink and Haiji’s strong arms holding him up. Haiji seemed to be insistent on making Kakeru die from a heart attack as he kissed Kakeru with so much agonizingly sweet passion and slipped his hand under his loose shirt. Kakeru’s hand wandered down to the other’s neck where he started thumbing at the tracksuit’s collar tentatively.
Haiji kissed like he ran. He was free, he was fast, and he moved so much it made Kakeru dizzy in the best sense. Kakeru felt like flying. Haiji, Haiji was kissing him and if it hadn’t been for the sink and Haiji’s arms grounding him he was sure he would have been swept off his feet. He felt like he could run the entire Hakone, all the way to the top of Mt. Fuji and then some if he could just keep kissing Haiji. He now desperately clung to Haiji’s apron and twisted his hand in Haiji’s hair and the other let out a breathy chuckle against Kakeru’s lips that vibrated all throughout Haiji’s body.
Finally, Haiji drew back just a little, leaning his forehead against Kakeru’s and panting like he’d just run a marathon. Kakeru stared at the other in complete and utter awe, his heart hammering and his eyes wide and unfocussed as he tried to take in the sight in front of him. This close Haiji was even prettier. His brown eyes danced with happiness and Kakeru would have sworn that there were flecks of silver and gold dancing there too. His mouth was red and swollen from kissing and so, so alluring. His eyelashes were long and delicate and Kakeru wanted to count them again and again and again until he memorized everything about the face before him: The elegant curve of Haiji’s nose, the soft skin, the loose eyelash that had fallen onto his cheek and the wide, smiling expanse of his lips.
‘I’m sorry, I interrupted you’, Haiji whispered, a slight smirk playing around his parted lips, his breath hitting Kakeru’s face softly. ‘What did you want to say?’
‘Uhh, you have umm, you have chocolate on your ear’, Kakeru answered lamely, his voice low and wobbly. The hand that was still in Haiji’s hair snatched the piece of cookie dough from Haiji’s hair and showed it to Haiji.
Haiji’s eyes widened comically and he started giggling uncontrollably, slumping against Kakeru’s chest and shaking with laughter. Kakeru started grinning himself. It probably looked extremely stupid; his face hurt from how wide he was smiling, but he didn’t care. He had a giggling Haiji in his arms who had just kissed him, and there was nothing that would make him care what he looked like right now.
‘And hehehere I thought you… hah I thought you were trying to subtly make a move’, Haiji giggled into his neck, his lips against his skin sending shivers down Kakeru’s spine.
‘Subtlety was never my strength’, Kakeru answered, tightening his grip on Haiji’s shirt just a little. ‘And I didn’t know you wanted me to make a move.’
Haiji drew back from Kakeru’s neck and pressed their foreheads together again. He looked into Kakeru’s eyes with one of his terribly earnest expressions that made Kakeru want to believe his every word.
‘I wanted you to. I still want you to. And I want you to continue to in the future for as long as you want’, he whispered softly, his voice warm and so full of adoration and Kakeru’s face split into an even wider grin. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure this wasn’t a dream but then again, he didn’t think that his imagination could come up with something that felt just as right as this moment right now.
‘Good.’, he whispered back and leaned down to kiss Haiji again.
Kakeru’s life wasn’t perfect. There were always going to be problems and there was no guarantee that he wouldn’t wake up and suddenly Aotake would have always been a dream. But right now, living in this house, with a team who was his true family, kissing Haiji in an apron in the kitchen, life was pretty damn close, even if the two of them didn’t end up getting any more of the cookies. They were otherwise occupied in Haiji’s room while the rest of the team munched away at them. It wasn’t a terrible tragedy in Haiji’s and Kakeru’s eyes.