Chapter Text
Jake numbly walks to his apartment, not caring about the stares he was getting from strangers as they caught a glimpse of his face in the dark night. He didn’t even care about the fact that he was limping and needed medical attention. He didn’t care because he just really needed to be home, he needed to feel safe. He was a 33-year-old cop, a 33-year-old man who couldn’t protect himself. His body felt like it was on autopilot and before he even knew it, he was in his apartment and in his bathtub taking a hot bath. All the alcohol was drained from his system, he hasn’t felt this sober before.
He doesn’t realize how much time has passed by, but eventually there were tears rolling down his face. It wasn’t ugly crying or any sobs coming out of his mouth, just painful and silent tears. Jake wonders what would happen if he screamed for help, would anyone come to help him? Why would anyone come to help him, wasn’t he supposed to be the one protecting people? He was supposed to be strong for others but he so easily let Jimmy Brogan take advantage of him.
Jake really thought that the endless drinks were just innocent, something that Brogan wanted him to experience as a young cop. How could he miss so many red flags? Was he supposed to even notice the red flags? Why was this so embarrassing for him? If he told someone, who would believe him? Jake wipes away his tears and concludes the fact that he can’t tell anyone. He can’t file a report. No one would believe him. People have such a hard time believing women, who in the world was going to believe him.
He slowly dries himself and changes all of his clothes. He wants to burn the clothes and shoes he was wearing earlier that night. Maybe he should borrow some equipment from Rosa and actually burn the clothes. Jake makes his way to his bedroom and lets himself fall down onto the bed, not really knowing when he fell asleep.
//
Jake doesn’t get up because of his alarm but rather the constant ringing on his doorbell. He glances at the clock and realizes that it was already 8:30 in the morning, he was going to be epically late to work today. Without thinking much he makes his way over to the door and opens it. He’s wide awake when he realizes who it is. “Why are you here?” Jake asks, moving back a little.
Brogan offers Jake a small smile, “Just wanted to let you know that I’ll be drafting the article today.” He glances at the younger boy, “And wanted to thank you for giving me an amazing time last night.”
Jake visibly freezes, “What?” He slowly looks up, a small amount of anger taking over his body, “You got me drunk and took advantage of me!”
“Well you never said no!” Brogan protests, “You should’ve said no if you didn’t want it.”
“I tried pushing you off but… but you kept going,” Jake blinks back tears, trying his best to make it seem like he wasn’t on the verge of breaking down. “What you did to me wasn’t okay, I’m not okay with it.”
“What are you gonna do about it, huh?” Brogan scoffs, “I'm about to write an article that might just decide your precinct’s future and you think you’re the one who has power in this situation?” Jake feels his legs getting weak, why does everything feel so bad right now? When Jake doesn’t reply, Brogan continues, “Let me know the way you want to go, Peralta.”
Jake swallows back his tears before answering, “I won’t file a report, or tell anyone about what happened last night just please… please don’t write anything that’ll harm the precinct.”
Brogan smirks and purposely pats Jake’s shoulder despite the younger boy pulling away from him. “You got it, bud,” With one last scoff Brogan turns around and leaves Jake to crumble to the floor behind him.
Jake doesn’t make it to work at all, calls in and lets them know that he’s too sick to come into work. He gets a text from Sarge half way through the day that states, “proud of you for taking a day off :)” and Jake wants to do nothing more than just throw his phone at the wall. Because Terry thinks that Jake is finally getting himself together, probably even taking care of himself but the exact opposite was happening. He has even less motivation to take care of his body anymore. He shouldn’t take care of himself anymore, not after he let himself be used so easily.
By the end of the day, Jake convinces himself that it was his fault. Everything that happened with Jimmy Brogan was his fault and he should just let it go and move on. He needs to get himself to work tomorrow and cover up the bruises and the limp. He needs to never think about it again.
//
When he’s back at work, Jake realizes how hard it is to actually forget about everything that happened to him. Amy kept asking about his night with Jimmy Brogan and Charles wouldn’t stop asking either because he was jealous. Even as the days passed by, it wouldn’t stop being brought up. Especially after Captain Holt decided to bring up the fact that Brogan actually wrote really positive things in his article.
Jake finds himself losing concentration easily these past few days. Finds himself faking a laugh at jokes Charles makes and comments Terry throws at him about his health. He wants to do more paperwork than out on the field because if he was being honest he just couldn’t handle being out on the field. Terry notices after a week of faked laughs and not even leaving his desk, Terry confronts him.
As the briefing ends, Jake mindlessly listens to Charles talk about the date he had been on last night before Terry calls him over. “Peralta, stay back for a quick moment,” Terry days, waving Jake over.
Jake turns around and nods before letting Charles know that he’ll be out with him in a quick second. “Yeah, Sarge?” Jake asks as he jogs towards the older man.
Terry thinks for a moment before speaking, “Are you okay? You seem a little out of it recently.”
“Yeah I’m good,” Jake lies, “Just need some time off, gonna stick to some good old paperwork for now.”
“Are you sure nothing happened? Because the Jake I know would never want to just stick to paperwork. If something is going on, you can talk about it with me or even Holt,” Terry offers with a sympathetic smile.
Jake nods and offers Terry a tight smile, “Thanks, Sarge.”
Terry returns the smile and pats Jake’s arm before walking out of the briefing room. He doesn’t miss the way Jake flinches when Terry pats him.
“What did Sarge say?” Charles questions, walking up to Jake’s desk. “Are you finally gonna work on another real case?”
Jake rolls his eyes before spinning his chair so he could make eye contact with Charles, “Boyle, I just told him that I wanted more paperwork, I’m not feeling a real case right now.”
“But you love going out in the field and stakeouts,” Charles comments, a frown displayed on his face. “Hey, how about you join me on my stakeout with Rosa, I’m sure she won’t mind.”
“It’s really fine, if I wanted to be on a stakeout right now then I would be,” Jake replies, “Seriously Charles, just take my word on it.”
“I agree with Charles,” Amy chimes, “It’s very unlike you to not want to be on the field or doing something ‘fun.’”
Jake groans, “Why can’t you just leave me alone? I’ll work a case when I feel like it, okay? And stop eavesdropping on our conversations, Amy.”
Any puts her hands up on defense, “Just checking in on you, dude.”
“Well stop, because I really don’t need it and all you’re doing is making me really annoyed,” Jake says before turning back to his paperwork. He could feel Terry and Gina’s eyes on him but chooses to ignore them because his plan was to ignore the problem for as long as he could.
Later that day, Jake finds himself starting out the window. The bruises were fading but he still felt Brogan’s hands all over him. He wants the feeling to go away because it’ll be easier for him to forget when he isn’t constantly feeling the rough touches. Jake hates how he’s become so alert everything scares him, even the lightest tap from Gina or Terry makes him scared, gives him flashbacks of that night. He wants to feel better, he wants to feel normal again.
A knock on his door snaps him out of his thoughts. He sighs and before slowly making his way towards the door, making sure to look at the peephole before opening it. “Gina,” Jake greets, moving out of the doorway to invite her in.
Gina offers Jake her classic smile and pulls out a bottle of wine before walking into the apartment. “Though you might need a drink, so I brought some of the bestest and cheapest wine!”
“Very considerate of you but I’m not sure I want to drink tonight,” Jake says, offering Gina a tight smile.
“What? Why?” Gina asks, “I brought your favorite snacks as well bitch. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be the Gina Linetti and buy gummy worms and potato chips?!”
Jake sighs, “I really appreciate the fact that you did this for me but…”
“But…?”
“Ugh fine,” Jake caves in, maybe drinking with Gina tonight wouldn’t be a bad idea. He trusts Gina, Gina is safe. She would never hurt him, it’s the only person he knows would never hurt him. So before he even knew it, both of them had finished the bottle of wine and were on his floor.
“What’s up, girl?” Gina says from her spot on the floor.
Jake groans and sits up, “What do you mean?”
“You don’t seem very good,” Gina explains, “Depressed and jumpy.”
He goes silent, not really knowing what to say. Before he could stop himself he blurts out the truth to Gina, “I was raped.”
Gina freezes but quickly recovers, “When? Who?”
“The night I went out for drinks with Jimmy Brogan,” Jake says, clenching his fists. “He got me drunk to the point where I didn’t even know where I was and then he just…”
Gina lets the two of them sit in silence for a few moments before speaking up, “Why didn’t you file a report? Get a rape kit done?”
“He said if I did he was going to write some really bad things about the precinct,” Jake explains. “I couldn’t let that happen, especially knowing how much it means to Captain Holt. I didn’t want my stupid mistakes to take down the precinct.”
“Jake, it wasn’t your fault or mistake. Jimmy Brogan was the one who took advantage of you while you were drunk out of your mind,” Gina says. “We’re going to go to the hospital first thing tomorrow morning.”
Jake shoots her a confused look, “For what?”
“To give you a STD test done, stupid,” Gina says, rolling her eyes. “What if that old creep gave you something?”
“That’s smart,” Jake says, closing his eyes. “You shouldn’t go home alone so drunk, stay the night. I’ll take the couch.”
Gina nods before sighing, “Can I give you a hug?”
Jake thinks for a moment before answering, “Yeah.” He melts into Gina’s embrace as soon as she pulls him into a hug and just for a moment, he feels like everything is going to be okay.