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The paladins were exhausted, but they had to go through one more debriefing and talk about everything that had happened and why they’d disappeared. Adam and Curtis were there- Shiro’s boyfriends before all this happened- along with Veronica, Sam, and Matt.
Shiro mostly spoke throughout the whole meeting, the others adding their input every so often, but not many times. They all just wanted to see their families and sleep. And of course, Shiro was tired, too, but he made sure not to show it. Keith didn’t show it either, but he stayed silent as they spoke, answering the questions Iverson asked.
“Alright,” said man stated, standing up. “This meeting is over. You may all leave.” Lance was the first on his feet, hugging Veronica tightly since they hadn’t been able to before the meeting. They left with Hunk. Pidge left with her brother and father. Coran started talking to James, who would show him where to go. Keith sighed as he stood up beside Shiro, looking up at his respective brother, who’d glanced down at him.
“This is crazy,” he said. Shiro smiled tiredly.
“C’mon. You need some sleep.”
“You do, too,” he shot back. The two of them walked out together, heading up to the rooms Iverson said were unoccupied that they could stay in for the time being. Keith face planted the first bed he saw, letting out a long breath. Soft snores emitted from the younger man a few moments later. Shiro stepped into the room after him and closed the door, walking over to the empty bed. He laid down, staring up at the ceiling.
A lot of things had changed when they were gone. And a lot of things were still changing. Keith was right. This was crazy.
Shiro sighed and turned onto his side, looking back at Keith. As long as he was okay, he knew everything would be okay. They just needed to work things out. However long it took.
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“How do you look so decent in the mornings?” Lance grumbled, rubbing his eyes as he sat down beside Keith, pressing a kiss to his cheek. The former Blade member looked back at him, looking him over. Lance’s hair was still a little messy from sleep and he still looked halfway asleep. He was wearing comfortable clothes.
“Well, if you changed into actual clothes, brushed your hair and your teeth when you got up, you’d be more awake.” He groaned, laying his head on his arms.
“That’s too much work.”
“Lance,” Pidge spoke up. “You’re going to fall asleep if you don’t-” she was cut off by his snoring. “Well, I tried. He’s your boyfriend. You have responsibility.” Keith rolled his eyes at her and got to waking the Red paladin up again. Shiro glanced over all of them. It was like they were still at the castle. Even Hunk had come to join them, though some of the other pilots were there, too, like James, Ryan, Matt, Curtis, and Adam. Shiro knew he should talk to them, but he didn’t want to yet. He was still trying to get over everything. A lot had happened to him and the others.
“I feel like we’re going to get so bored,” Matt spoke up, looking over at the others. “Since we have nothing to do now.”
“Speak for yourself,” his sister shot back. “I have so much stuff I can build here. Hunk gets to cook again. Lance and Keith will probably still train all day. Coran and Allura will get used to our customs or leave and Shiro…” She looked back at him. “Yeah, I don’t know about you.” He shrugged.
“Me either, but right now, I’d just like to relax.” She nodded.
“You deserve it.”
“It’s not like you don’t. You were all up in space, too.” She nodded.
“Yeah, but… We didn’t have to go through that.” She gestured at his arm. “Other than Matt, but it wasn’t as severe.”
“At least, he’ll find something he wants to do,” Keith spoke up, trying to get off the topic of the last conversation. “A bunch of Galra are looking to me to lead them. I’m not a leader.”
“You led Voltron when Shiro was gone,” Lance spoke up, wanting to help his boyfriend feel better about it. “And if you decide to go, I was already thinking about going to Altea to help them. I sort of owe it to Allura.” He’d dated Allura for a while before she died and Keith had been there to help pick up the pieces and they’d gotten together.
“You could always appoint someone else to do it,” Shiro spoke up. “Krolia, Kolivan, or Thace. I’m sure any of them would help.” He sighed.
“I know, but what if none of them want to do it, either?” Lance took his hand.
“Then, we’ll do it together,” he said. Keith smiled a little back at him. They were adorable together, really, and everyone thought that. James looked up from where he was eating his breakfast.
“You have to wait for the Christmas party,” he told them. “Speaking of which, we need to pass the names around. And remember, couples stick together. They only get one thing, rather than two. And it has to benefit both of them. Whoever gives the best present gets awarded with the trophy until next year. Shiro would always get it. Though when you were gone, Veronica always got it. Though, everyone’s been trying harder because we want to win. You get bragging rights.”
“I am now determined to get it,” Lance stated, looking back at Keith. “Whoever we get, we have to get the perfect gift for.” James put all the names into a hat and took it around to everyone. Shiro opened his and let out a small breath, thankful everyone was too loud to hear him. It was only fitting that he got Adam and Curtis.
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The Christmas party was a month away, but it seemed to come fast. Shiro felt he got the best thing he could for the two men he had to get the gift for. He even asked Keith about it, who promised he wouldn’t tell anyone, and the younger had said he thought it was great.
Shiro’s present was a cookbook from Hunk. He had taken up cooking since he’d gotten back, just a few things every now and then and he appreciated the new recipes to try out.
“Shiro, can I talk to you?” Said man looked up to see Keith standing there. “Outside?” he asked. Shiro nodded and got up, walking outside with the younger man. As soon as they stepped up, Keith had attacked him in a hug. He noticed that Lance was out there, too, hugging Veronica. Both of the boys had bags sitting on the ground. Shiro knew what was happening. They were leaving. He hugged Keith back, not wanting to part from him, but he knew this was going to help him and Lance move on. He had to let them go. “I’ll miss you,” Keith whispered, stepping away.
“I’ll miss you, too. You better call a lot. And visit as much as you can.” He smiled a little, nodding.
“I will. Promise.” They glanced over at the other two people standing in the chilly air. “I love you. And, uh, thanks for taking care of me all those years.” Shiro cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“I love you, too. Be safe up there.” He nodded and stepped out of his grip, walking over to Lance. The two boys picked up their bags and with short goodbyes, they were gone. Veronica walked over to Shiro, patted his shoulder, and walked back into the party. Shiro watched the boys’ ship disappear before going back inside.
He sat down with the others and was kind of zoned out most of the time. Then, Curtis and Adam opened their present from him and found that it was a puppy in a carrier. Adam looked back at Shiro, who had looked up, wanting an explanation of why he’d gotten them a living animal.
“You both said you wanted a dog before I left and, after I asked Ryan and found out you still didn’t have one, I thought it was a good present.” He smiled back at him. It was a very thoughtful gift.
“Thank you.” Shiro just nodded.
“Hey. What happened to Keith and Lance?” Pidge asked a while later. Shiro and Veronica exchanged a glance and everyone looked expectantly at them. They were their siblings, anyway.
“They left,” Veronica finally said. “Probably didn’t want to make anyone feel bad by saying goodbye, though they told us they were leaving before they left. It was about an hour ago.” It was quiet in the room. They’d left without a goodbye. Why hadn’t they said anything?
“Don’t worry,” Shiro told them. “I made them promise to call and visit. And you could always spam them until they do.”
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do,” Pidge stated. “You with me, Hunk?”
“Uh, sure,” the other teenager replied. As the others started talking again, Shiro decided it was time for him to go. He had no more interest in the party and was ready to just get some sleep. He was really gonna miss Keith.
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Shiro was heading towards a gym to train when thoughts and memories suddenly invaded his mind. Memories of his time with the Galra. Of dying. It had all hurt and sometimes, he could still feel the ghost of the pain. His chest constricted and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. And, of course, it had to be in a semi public hallway, so both Curtis and Adam were there when he leaned heavily against the wall, sliding down it to the floor with his head in his hands. Neither man was exactly sure what to do, but they wanted to help, so they knelt beside him.
“Takashi,” Adam said softly, setting his hand on the other’s shoulder. “It’s okay. You’re back at the Garrison.” Curtis ran a gentle hand through his hair, trying to ground him. Thankfully, that’s when Matt showed up, knowing exactly what was going on. Shiro was stuck in his past. In the Galra ship.
“Shiro,” he spoke up, kneeling in front of his friend. “Listen to my voice, alright? We’re not on that ship anymore. Or even in space. You’re at the Garrison with me and Curtis and Adam. And everyone else is around, too.” He wasn’t really sure if it was working, but he had one more thing he could say that might help. “They can’t hurt you anymore.” Shiro took a long, slightly shaking breath and let it out, trying to clear his head of all the memories. After a few moments, he was still just sitting there, but Matt knew it had worked. He was back.
“C’mon,” he said, hand on his knee. He held his hand out and Shiro took it, letting himself be helped up. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” he said quietly, looking back at him. He didn’t want to look back at Adam or Curtis. He still loved both of them so much, but they were happy together. Without him. They’d argued and he’d left. He was never promised a spot back into their relationship when he got back. More like, there wouldn’t be a spot for him when he got back.
“You should get some rest. We’ll see you later, alright?” He nodded a little and walked past him, heading back to his room.
“What was that about?” Curtis asked, watching Shiro’s form recede down the hall. “What happened to him?” Of course, he still cared about him. Adam did, too. They’d been talking to each other about it ever since the paladins arrived back home. They just hadn’t acted on it yet. Matt sighed.
“On our Kerberos mission, the Galra kidnapped us and made us fight in their arena. They gave Shiro a new arm, so that he’d actually be able to fight and he became their champion. And along with that, he actually died during a battle. The black lion kept his essence or something and when the Galra decided to make clones of him, the black lion gave it back to him, so he’s back. That’s why his hair’s white, though it still doesn’t make sense to me. A lot happened to him. He was their leader. He still has all of this weight on his shoulders that he hasn’t said anything about.” Matt sighed and went to find Pidge. Adam and Curtis exchanged a glance. They needed to do something.
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“‘Morning, Shiro,” Pidge greeted, sitting beside the man at breakfast. Hunk sat on her other side, shooting the older man a smile. He managed a small smile back that actually looked like a smile and not like he wanted to bang his head against the table.
“Happy birthday, Pidge,” he spoke up, as soon as he remembered the day. She smiled.
“Thanks, Shiro.” She was seventeen this year, which was huge. And it was great that Shiro remembered. He could’ve easily forgotten birthdays. After all, they hadn’t really made a big deal of them in space. She, Hunk, and Lance had a little celebration for each of them. That was pretty much it, though Shiro always left her a carved present. The first year it had been a bird. The second was a bear. She still had them.
“No fair,” Matt said, sitting across from them. “You said it even before I did. And I’m her brother.”
“Hey, just ‘cause Shiro’s like our Space Dad doesn’t mean you can be jealous.” Space Dad? Pidge smiled when she saw Shiro obviously thinking it over. “What? It’s true. You always knew all of our birthdays and made sure we were okay when we felt bad and homesick. You were like one of our parents, but in space. Hence the Space Dad.”
“You left him speechless,” Matt whispered. Shiro rolled his eyes.
“Wait,” Hunk spoke up. “When’s your birthday, Shiro?” Adam, who was sitting a few seats away, paused, realizing he didn’t even know that. And he’d been dating him for a few years previous. They and Curtis had been engaged. And Curtis, who sat beside him, didn’t know either.
“February 29th,” he replied. Hunk’s eyes lit up.
“You were born on a leap year! So, you’re only, like, seven years old?” He sighed.
“I guess. Now you know why I never told Lance, though.” Pidge nodded. She could see why he wouldn’t want to tell Lance. The Cuban totally would’ve freaked out about it and would probably have made as many jokes as he could.
“In all the years I’ve known you, I didn’t even know that,” Ryan stated. “You kept that well hidden.”
“Well, the last time I told anyone, which was Keith, he made a banner for my birthday that said ‘Happy Fifth Birthday’ and then he pinched my cheek and told me how grown up I was.” Pidge burst out laughing just at the image. It was pretty funny, imagining Keith doing that, but she could picture it perfectly.
“Well, I’ll remember that,” Hunk said, determined. “I’ll make a cake next time.”
“I appreciate the thought, Hunk, but I haven’t really celebrated my birthday since I left home. I skipped every three years, anyway, so it’s never been that big of a deal to me.”
“That is just sad,” Pidge stated. “We’re gonna do it, anyway. And next year is a leap year, so you better expect to get a cake.” With that, the two of them got up and left to scheme with each other. Shiro sighed.
“Well, that was a conversation.” Matt nodded and looked back at him.
“Are you okay?” He caught the other man’s gaze when he looked back. “With everything that’s happened. You went through a lot. You haven’t really said anything about any of it. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“Well, it’s only been five months. And I know that is kind of a long time, but a lot of stuff happened. It’s just been a lot to handle. Especially, with Keith leaving. A lot changed here and I’m trying to get used to it again on top of everything else.” The younger boy nodded in understanding.
“Yeah. When I came back, I’d learned only a few things that had changed and improved, and it was so much. We were gone for, like, two years. You guys were gone for longer. Some people you knew were dead or moved away.” Or moved on.
“Yeah, well, I’d rather not dwell on this right now. I’ve gotta go call Keith. Last time I was late to calling him, he almost took a trip back here to make sure I was okay, so I better go.” Matt waved goodbye to him as he got up and left. Another glance was shared between Curtis and Adam. They really needed to talk to him.
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“Takashi,” Curtis said, walking into the living area. No one was in there and most of them were busy, so practically no one would be there to see them. So, they would be able to talk to him in private. “We need to talk to you.”
“We should’ve already talked to you when you got back,” Adam continued as the two of them sat across from him on the other couch. “But we weren’t really sure what to say to you. And after hearing everything that everyone’s been telling us about you these past few weeks, we felt like we really do need to talk to you.” Shiro wasn’t sure what they wanted to talk about and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Maybe they were officially cutting him out of their relationship. He wasn’t sure he could handle that right now, though. He needed someone. And now that Keith was gone, he really didn’t have anyone.
“We’re really sorry about what happened,” Curtis spoke up again. “We were just afraid that you would be hurt on your mission. We didn’t want you to go. We didn’t want to lose you, but we kinda did in the process by pushing you away. We just hoped you’d come to us and decide that you didn’t want to go on the mission.” Adam nodded in agreement.
“We never meant to hurt you, ‘Kashi. We were just trying to help. We would really like it if you gave us a second chance. We both still love you so much and want to help you. You’ve been through so much, that much is obvious. And we want to help you get better.” Shiro still wasn’t sure how he felt about this. It’s not that he didn’t want it, but he was afraid he would be hurt again and he didn’t think he could live with that.
“I don’t-” It hurt him to say this. “I don’t know if I’m ready to be in a relationship right now.” He stood up, not wanting to face them, and left the room. It really did hurt and he wished he hadn’t said it, but he couldn’t stand being hurt again and that outweighed everything. He needed help. And we would just have to find it from someone else.
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Curtis and Adam weren’t going to give up, though. They didn’t know why he was hesitant, but they knew he still needed help and they wanted to give it to him. They wanted to make it up to him. He wasn’t making it very easy, though.
Whenever the two of them entered the room, Shiro usually left or picked up a conversation immediately with someone else, usually Matt. The younger man realized this, but he also wanted to help Shiro, so he talked to him instead of letting him leave. Shiro never passed their rooms and made sure he was never teaching a class the same time they were.
“You’re gonna wait to come until next month?” Adam followed Shiro’s voice, Curtis following behind him. They peered into the room Shiro was sitting in. He had obviously been standing against the wall because he was sitting on the floor now, talking on a phone with his head resting against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. “No. No, Keith, it’s not a problem. Stay as long as you need. We’re fine down here. I promise.” There was a pause. “I love you, too. Bye.” He ended the call and set his phone down before putting his head in his hands. After a moment, he took a deep breath through his nose, wiping tears away. But they kept coming and he just sat there, crying silently.
Adam glanced back at Curtis before going into the room, sitting beside Shiro. He pulled the younger man into his arms, running his fingers through his hair. He pressed a light kiss to the top of his head.
“It’s okay, ‘Kashi,” he murmured. “It’s okay.” Curtis sat on his other side, rubbing his back gently to try and help soothe him.
“We’re here, ‘Kash,” he added, trying not to be pained by the sobs that shook the younger’s body. They should’ve tried harder. They should’ve done something before now. Shiro needed their help. They needed to be there for him. And they were going to be.
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Shiro woke up snuggled between two warm objects. Confused for a moment, he opened his eyes and found Curtis on his right side. He remembered what happened then. He’d broken down the night before after talking to Keith. Adam and Curtis had been there to comfort him and they’d ended up back at their old apartment, knowing they could keep an eye on them there. He probably ended up falling asleep before they could figure out anything and they’d curled up beside him, so he’d feel better when he woke up.
Shiro managed to get out from between the two of them, standing up at the end of the bed. He looked back at them for a moment. They looked so peaceful and amazing together. He didn’t deserve either of them.
Sighing softly, Shiro left their room and walked into the living room. The apartment was so familiar. He couldn’t have forgotten it. When he was sitting in the cells in the Galra ship, he would go through the house and imagine his boyfriends’ happy faces, so glad that he was home. But that never happened. He’d come home. And he’d been alone for months. Maybe they wanted to fix it now, but he didn’t know if he could be fixed. He didn’t know if anyone could help him that much.
Cheerio, the dog Shiro had gotten them for secret santa, ran up to the broken hero and nudged his leg, waiting to be pet. Shiro bent over and pet her a little bit. After a few minutes, he straightened and walked into the kitchen, Cheerio following behind him. The least he could do was make them breakfast.
Adam was fast asleep when he felt the familiar set of paws on his back, Cheerio coming to wake him and Curtis up. Apparently, they’d forgotten to turn their alarm on. But when Adam sat up, he remembered why. Shiro had been with them last night, having needed some comfort, but he wasn’t lying beside either of them. Adam shook Curtis awake and he didn’t need to say anything for the other to know what was wrong, though they both went still when they heard quiet talking from the kitchen. Shiro was still there! He stayed.
Curtis was up first, walking into the other room. Shiro was on the phone, probably talking to Keith. He made it a habit to call a lot, though he was calling more than usual, it seemed. Curtis and Adam listened for a minute.
“Really, Keith, I’m okay.” A pause. “Matt called you?” He sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Yeah, whatever he told you was probably all right… Yeah. I’m with Adam and Curtis right now… No… I don’t know, Keith. I haven’t really talked to them yet… Yeah…. I love you, too. Bye.” He hung up and slipped his phone back into his pocket and turned back towards what he was doing. Adam walked in first and wrapped his arms around Shiro’s waist from behind, pressing a light kiss to the back of his neck. The younger was stiff, too afraid to act.
“Talk to us, Takashi,” he urged. “We wanna help you, but you’ve gotta let us.” He closed his eyes, looking up at the ceiling and trying not to cry.
“If I start into another relationship,” he started quietly, “I want it to be with someone who I know won’t let me go. And I just don’t know anymore.” Adam took a step back, looking at Curtis. This was so much worse than they thought. Shiro didn’t trust them.
“‘Kash,” Curtis whispered, stepping forward. “We never wanted to hurt you. And no matter what happens now, we’re not gonna give you up. As long as you let us, we want you to be ours.” He took Shiro’s hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “Please, give us another chance. You won’t regret it.” Shiro glanced back at him. They both really wanted this. They wanted to help him. And he needed the help. So, reluctantly and hesitantly, he nodded. They would try it. If it worked, then great. If not, Shiro would have a lot of rebuilding to do alone.
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That Christmas, Shiro was included on the paper with Curtis and Adam’s names. And from that moment, he knew one thing for sure. He was in a happy relationship. He was going to be just fine.