Chapter Text
Carlos opened his eyes and looked around for a while. Again, he woke up alone. TK never stayed after they hooked up.
hooked up
Carlos never wanna called what they had a “hook up”. It was more than that. Only for Carlos, obviously. He really liked spending time with TK, sex or not. Just being with him was fun and felt right, but TK wasn’t looking for more than a hook up. So Carlos tried not to think about it. He acted like they were on the same page. It was alright.
Till it wasn’t.
Few days later, after his shift Carlos’s colleagues asked him to come to the bar with them. Before he said yes, he texted TK if he wanted to hang out, but TK said he had plans with his team. He wanted to asked the details but instead he replied okay, another time. So he went to the bar.
He danced with friends, didn’t drink anything because of an early shift the next day. He was about to leave when he saw TK.
The team, someone Carlos didn’t know, and TK entered the bar and they were laughing at Mateo. TK looked beautiful when he laughed.
He decided to stay a little longer. Everytime he saw TK, he felt so nervous that his hands were shaking. He liked that boy so damn much.
After he talked and laughed at ridiculous things with his friends little more, he took a deep breath and turned around to look for TK. When he saw him, he felt his heart breaking. You have no right to feel like this! he told himself. He can dance with whoever he wants! You are nothing to him!
TK was dancing and laughing with that someone. He seemed so carefree that Carlos didn’t want to break it. So he just left.
On the way to his car, someone shouted his name.
“Carlos!”
That was Paul.
“Hey Paul.”
“Where are you going? Come join us! TK is here too if you wonder.” he said with a huge smirk on his face.
“Yeah I know. I saw him, but I have an early shift tomorrow and I need rest. Say hi for me to everyone.” He didn’t even wait for Paul’s answer. He wanted to go home and sleep.
--
Two days later he got a text from TK.
wanna meet up tonight?
He was trying to forget about his feelings but these messages were not helping.
another time, late shift.
He knew he was being unreasonable. He was at home doing nothing, but he had to do it for himself! He didn’t want to fall in love with a person who did not feel the same. It was unfair, to both of them. Carlos knew TK was not ready for a relationship and he respected him. But he had feelings for TK and it was so hard to know that they had no chance. So this was the best thing to do.
TK could find anyone to hook up anyway.
--
Two weeks later, on his day-off Carlos did his laundry, read some book, cooked for himself an easy meal, took a shower and in the evening, he was taking a nap in the hammock in his backyard. He felt relieved somehow. It wasn’t like it’s the end of the world. If it is not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Yeah, that’s it he said to himself all the time.
Everytime TK texted, Carlos made up an excuse. Apperantly TK got bored from this situation because he didn’t get any messages from TK for five days.
It was okay. It was what he wanted, right?
Then why the fuck he was feeling so heartbroken?
Later in that evening, he heard someone knocking at his door but he ignored it. He didn’t want to see anyone. He closed his eyes and kept swinging. A few moments later, he flinched at a loud noise.
“What are you doing! I thought something happened to you! Didn’t you hear the door?” Carlos realized that he missed that voice so much. He couldn’t say anything.
“Carlos?” said TK. His voice was soft this time, and concerned. Carlos just looked at him. He felt that his heart was beating faster. “Umm.. sorry I didn’t hear. What are you doing here TK? How did you get in?” His voice was trembling.
TK ignored his questions. “Carlos, are you okay?” he asked and sit beside him. “I was worried about you. You didn’t text, call or wanna see me. I thought I did something but I don’t know what I did to make you mad, but... It’s been too long and I wanted to see you.”
“Why?” Carlos asked. He didn’t want TK to worry about him. “What do you mean why? You are my-”
“I am your what TK!” He couldn’t hold it anymore.
TK looked at Carlos carefully. There were tears in his eyes and he was afraid that he was the reason of those tears.
“You’re my... friend. Carlos I really care about you.” Carlos laughed. “Don’t, TK. Don’t worry about me. I’m gonna be okay. You can go.”
“I don’t wanna go.” TK said. He wanted to stay with Carlos, and sleep in his arms. He wanted to feel safe, and TK was feeling safe only with Carlos.
“I don’t care about what you want! Just go!”
TK flinched, but he was determined to not to leave. “No I’m not leaving you like this. Carlos please, let’s talk. I wanna know what happened to you.”
“You are what happened to me TK!” TK couldn’t breath for a few seconds. Carlos felt regretfull the moment he said those words.
“TK, I just need to be alone. I’m angry to myself, not you or anyone else.”
“I don’t believe you. I know you are like this because of me and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Carlos...” TK tried to reach him, but Carlos took a step back.
“I am responsible for my feelings. You have nothing to be sorry about.” Carlos sounded so tired that TK couldn’t hold his tears. He never wanted to hurt him.
“I’m just... I already knew the moment I saw you that I was so gone for you.” he laughed wearily. “Please don’t cry Tiger. It’s okay. I understand. You were clear about this from the beginning. Don’t ever think that I blame you or I’m mad at you.”
Carlos didn’t want to see TK crying. He opened his arms and took him in. TK hold him so tight and burried his head in his neck. “I’m sorry Carlos.. I-I like you, I like you so much. You are everything I need and I want, but I’m not enough for you. I’m a wreck. I can’t do this to you.”
At that moment, Carlos just wanted to take TK somewhere only they knew and keep him away from all the evil thoughts. “It’s okay TK, it’s okay.” I wish you just let me decide that, you can't even see that it's okay not to be okay sometimes.
TK looked Carlos in the eye and smiled. “When I said you are my friend, I was telling the truth. You are my best friend Carlos, I don’t wanna lose you. I know it’s selfish, but I just don’t...”
Carlos caressed his back and hold him a little longer. “You are not going to lose me Tiger.”
They were tired and didn’t want to let go each other. Without a word, Carlos hold his hand and took him to the bedroom. At that night, they hold each other so tight that they knew something between them were about the change. They didn’t talk about it. They just closed their eyes and sleep in each other’s arms.