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“Thank you, Kid.”
“Father,” she whispered as his eyes closed, the light of his life fading before her. The rain fell gently at first, but just as her tears did, it began to pour. Byleth’s grip on Jeralt tightened as she let her weight collapse in on herself as she succumbed to these new emotions. Only now was the first time she could remember crying. Only now, when she could not save her father. Not even turning back Time itself was able to save him.
The rain ostensibly came out of nowhere as the Blue Lions class moved underneath the natural shelter of the forest’s edge. Mercedes and Annette were attending to the remaining students they had found around the chapel, while Slyvain and Felix discussed the Demonic Beasts. Ashe and Ingrid cooed at Jeralt’s horse, lost in a discussion about great knights. Dimitri simply observed them all, while Dedue was, as always, by his side. There was no sign of Jeralt, the Professor, or even Monica. There was no hint of their approaching return, not the distant murmuring of voices or even muddy footsteps. He knew it a knight’s duty to gather information at the end of every mission, to report back to the Church and Archbishop - but the pair should have returned by now with Monica in tow, especially in these conditions. The entirety of their class and the remaining students would all soak through if they stayed in this rain. Dimitri shook his head; he knew that his Professor would expect them to make a hasty return with the recovered students.
“Ingrid,” Dimitri turned to face his long-trusted friend, “Please help Mercedes and Annette get the others back to the monastery before the weather continues to worsen. Ashe, please take Jeralt’s horse and keep a close guard over them.”
“What about the Professor and Jeralt?” Ashe hesitated to mount Jeralt’s steed.
“I will go inquire with them. I am sure they are ready to depart. Felix, Slyvain, and Dedue - if you would please remain here. It is not likely, but I would rather we remain in the case that they may need any assistance.”
“Yes, Your Highness. Are you sure you would not like us to accompany you?” Felix let out a small scoff as Dedue stepped forward.
"That is not necessary, it is quite alright. Although -,” his thoughts paused his speech.
We did just face Demonic Beasts.
“On second thought, you may follow, but only after a few moments have passed. I do not wish to intrude if they are discussing private matters.”
With a nod and a curt bow, Dedue said nothing more as the Crown Prince walked away. Dimitri held the strap of his sheath that crossed his chest. It had become a habit since they had begun taking on more missions. There were far too many times that they had the need to take quick action and jump swiftly into battle. With that in mind, he did not allow himself the privilege to relax when outside the monastery’s walls.
Would the Professor believe he had done the right thing, sending the other students off without herself or Jeralt to accompany them? Would Jeralt be cross for allowing someone else to return with his steed? He quickly chased any doubt from his mind; he had made the best decisions he could. Not just as House Leader, but as a Prince. He needed to think of the safety of his people, and though the missing students had not been from his house, he knew the time would come when he’d have to make decisions much more difficult than this. His professor had the utmost confidence in their abilities out of the three professors at the Academy. She knew what they were capable of even when they did not. Jeralt may feel differently, but Dimitri was sure he could stand by his decisions with great confidence. When Dimitri rounded the corner to the opening where their class had left the mercenary family talking to Monica, he saw the Sword of the Creator lying on the grass. His stomach tightened, twisting into a knot as he saw the Professor hunched over another body on the ground.
“Professor!” Dimitri did not intend to yell, but his voice exploded from his throat, nonetheless. His grip tightened on his lance as he leaped into a run. Only, whatever had gone wrong, had already happened. His Professor had her forehead resting on the chest of Jeralt, the famed Blade Breaker, the Captain of the Knights of Seiros, her father - who was now with the Goddess. He felt a wave of guilt not being there sooner and anger for not being capable of protecting her, as she had been since the first day they met.
“Professor?” He gently knelt down beside her and reached out to her, carefully sliding his fingertips across the top of her hand before curling his fingers around her softly. Byleth raised her head from Jeralt’s chest to meet his eyes, their faces only inches apart. Here was his adored Professor, the Ashen Demon, the wielder of the Sword of the Creator, the one whose smile was so rare - here she was in a state of vulnerability like he had never seen. The heartbreak in her eyes was enough to rip out his own heart. Her eyes were silently shedding tears as fast as the rain was falling.
“I – I -I couldn’t save him.” She had spoken through trembling lips with short, choked breaths. Her eyes began welling up with more tears.
“Byleth,” Dimitri whispered, his Professor’s true name leaving his lips for the first time. He squeezed her hand and wrapped his other arm around her back, supporting her weight as she slowly collapsed into his chest. He did not falter in posture or strength, although the weight of her against his chest was more than he had expected. She was a mercenary of years, and the muscles in her shoulders and back were evidence of that, but he had not anticipated her feeling so solid. Byleth’s chin fell to her chest as she turned into him, weeping. Her right hand never left the chest of her father on the ground. To have someone this strong, lose her parent in front of them - he closed his eyes tightly as the sharp reminder of his own loss, of the voices - he pulled her in tighter. No one should endure this kind of pain.
Who could have done this!?
Three pairs of footsteps were approaching from behind them, making him aware he was no longer alone with his Professor at this moment. He knew that his classmates were now seeing what he had seen, just in the hesitation of their steps and sudden stop in their conversation. He could hear Felix picking up the Sword of the Creator with great delicacy as its blade lifted from the wet grass. Both Dedue and Sylvain’s feet came into view in front of him, standing over the same horrific scene. Dimitri lifted his eyes to them, feeling almost empty himself at witnessing this type of loss and pain again. He said nothing, for what was there to say? He turned his head to meet Felix’s gaze from where he stood, and silently, he turned back to the Professor. Felix’s light footsteps of a well-trained sprint were the only indication he had understood their silent exchange. Dimitri took a deep, short breath and in a quiet voice, he spoke gently to the ear in his chest.
“Professor, we must go now.” He gently moved some of her dark hair, now plastered to her forehead, obstructing her view. He knew his hair was in a similar state, but nothing so trivial mattered in this moment. Not even the eyes watching them, not even what others may think of the intimate nature of how he was holding her; none of that mattered. Dimitri wanted nothing but to protect her as best he could. Someone of her strength shouldn’t be haunted by voices like he was.
Byleth said nothing. A few moments passed as the rain continued to fall, the small pitter-patters of their impact on her clothes consuming her ears. With trembling lips, she opened her mouth to speak, but when her eyes caught the sight of her father’s face, her mouth closed before any words could form. Her lips pulled tight across her face as she attempted to hold back fresh tears, the strain of her trembling muscles echoing in her ears as her eyes twitched. Her gaze went to her hand on Jeralt’s chest before noticing the legs of her students.
She slid her fingers slowly into a fist, her fingers dragging over the rain-soaked material of his clothing. It looked more brown than orange in this state, the muscles in her face began to tremble again, and hesitantly, she removed her hand, bringing her arm to her face. She buried her face into the strong comfort that was Dimitri’s armor and remained silent. She had no words, no strength. She was drowning in the weight of emotions she had never experienced.
Dimitri slipped his free arms around Byleth’s cloak behind her knees, carefully and consciously, moved his other hand, and stood, lifting her off the ground. He gave a curt nod to his vassal and his friend, then walked away carrying the heartbroken Professor in his arms. The clattering of armored steps, the pounding of hooves, and shocked chaos were all around them as he silently carried his professor back to the monastery. Multiple knights had made eye contact with Dimitri as they passed, but he did not hesitate as he walked through the downpour, and none dared stop the Crown Prince. Water ran down his face, dripping onto Byleth’s hunched shoulders. Her sobs had stopped and were replaced by silence, though she had not moved once as the rain continued to fall.
He climbed the steps of the gates to the monastery, the rain reducing to a light sprinkle. The gatekeeper met Dimitri’s eyes, and before Dimitri could understand what was happening, he watched as the gatekeeper left his post, running into the hall ahead of them. The chaos around him fell to silence as the people of Garreg Mach saw the Crown Prince of Faerghus carrying the Goddess’ Chosen One through the rain. Most heads fell in respect of the Professor. He knew the news of her loss had spread quickly when some of the knights bowed as they passed. As Dimitri rounded the corner of the Dining Hall steps, the gatekeeper reappeared, with a light blanket in his hands and eyes that were full of gentle questions. The gatekeeper held out his offering to the Prince, and Dimitri nodded. Gently stopping for a moment, he allowed the gatekeeper to drape the blanket over the still Professor. With a deep bow and a sad smile, the gatekeeper left to return to his post.
You’re not alone, Professor, although I know it feels like it.
The door to her room was tricky to open while holding her in his arms, but Dimitri carefully managed. He did not want to intrude or to enter her quarters unwelcome.
“Professor?” His voice was soft and quiet; he did not want to startle her in the case she had fallen asleep. Then, for the first time since he had lifted her from the ground, she shifted and spoke.
“Oh, I -,” her speech stopped and he interjected gently.
“May I enter your room?”
Byleth didn’t answer audibly but nodded and placed her head back onto his chest. Dimitri crossed the threshold of her room, noticing how similar it was to his own. Many times, he had wondered what she was like behind closed doors, but he could not allow his thoughts to wander now. He stood in the center of her room, unsure of where to set her down. Should he set her on the bed? He was unwilling to soil her bedding as the weather had left their clothes heavy and stuck to their skin. It was then that his Professor lifted her head and shifted her weight in his arms. She looked around her room before bringing her eyes to meet his. Her expression was emotionless, but her eyes were full of great sadness. Oh, how he wished he could take all of that from her, how he cursed himself for not going to look for her sooner. He would have –
“Dimitri,” she spoke quietly, her voice strained from her sobs. Instantly, his thoughts came to a halt, “Thank you.”
Adjusting his stance and his grip, he slowly helped her legs find the ground. She clutched the edges of the blanket that was draped over her, wrapping herself tighter. Byleth lingered against him before slowly shifting her weight away from him. Was she reluctant to leave his arms, or was he just imagining things?
"The blanket -,” his professor said, a question trying to form.
“The gatekeeper,” Dimitri answered with a soft smile, “He left his post to get it for you.”
Byleth’s eyes met his as a tear began to fall once more, and without any hesitation, he stepped toward her, his gloved hand gently wiping away the tear before it could make it down her cheek. He had never noticed how small she was in comparison to himself until now; as he stood in front of her, he had to look down upon her just to keep her gaze. They stood that way for a few moments before his sense of boundaries snapped back into place and got the better of him. Any other time they had been this close, she’d been adjusting his posture or a stance for him as he trained, never was it this intimate. His mind began racing, and his pulse leaped as she placed her hand on his forearm. He stepped back awkwardly, too suddenly, and began to fumble on his words.
“I - I shall allow you time alone Professor,” he gave a curt bow before catching Byleth’s gaze again. Her head was tilted questioningly, an action that he found unbearably precious, even now in such a time full of great sorrow.
“Dimitri, thank you for your kindness,” she said, straightening her head as she set the blanket over her desk chair. She turned to face her window, silence engulfing her room once again. He resisted his urge to cross the space between them, to simply wrap her tightly in his embrace once more. He had the overwhelming desire to comfort her, to seek revenge for her, to scoop her back up and hold her against him. He rubbed his neck, fighting his desires and all his thoughts that continued building before he finally turned to leave.
“Will you come back?” Her voice was small, but looking over his shoulder, he saw her facing him with large eyes. Her arms were crossed in front of her as she held her elbows, like she was trying to mimic the sensation of being held.
“Oh! Of course, I – I simply thought you would like a moment to change. I will return quickly.”
Byleth nodded curtly as she let out a breath she’d been holding back, causing her to shudder. She began removing her gauntlets without another word as Dimitri left her room, slowly clicking the door shut. Leaving her clothes in a wet pile on the floor and her armor in the chair at her desk, she changed into a dry shirt and shorts, but then, she was at a loss of what to do. Her mind was both a blur and a scattered, racing mess simultaneously. It was chaos and empty all at the same time. She hadn’t heard Sothis speak, but she could feel her presence, almost like she was watching at a distance.
She let her eyes wander around the room, but she couldn’t bring herself to move; she had no energy, no direction. Suddenly her emotions returned, hitting her with the force of a shield to the back, knocking her to her knees in the middle of the floor. Crawling to the side of her bed, she found support against its frame as she folded her knees into her chest, wrapping herself tightly for comfort. She heard a slight knock at her door, but could not bear to move. After a moment, she heard the creak of the wood as it was cracked open slowly.
“Professor?”
The sound of Dimitri’s voice calmed her more than she expected. His voice washed over her like cool water after time in the sauna. He stood in her doorway, free now of his armor and in dry clothes, although some of his hair was still stuck against his face from the weather. His eyes were gentle and inquiring, while his posture was strong and proud. The cup in his hands was held gently, something he was managing to do well for his unprecedented and sometimes uncontrollable strength. She knew that he had the weight of his entire kingdom on his shoulders and his own demons to bear, yet standing there in his sauna clothes, she was struck with admiration for the young prince. She stared quietly at him for a moment before he approached her. She didn’t have many words, and she knew that. She was very grateful for his initiative to close the space between them because, although she could not speak, she did know his presence gave her comfort.
Dimitri stood in the doorway, feeling a bit foolish in his sauna clothes. He had rushed to change, leaving a tangle of wet cloth and armor on the floor of his quarters in order to be by her side once again. He has hastily grabbed a dry blanket, left his room, and combed his hair with his fingers as he ducked into the dining hall to grab a cup of tea from one of the cooks. Dodging the interrogation of Seteth, and avoiding the eye contact with each pair of sad eyes that waited for him to speak of the Professor, he that possibly could, and politely excusing himself from the barrage of questions from his classmates about what had happened - he had finally made it back to her door.
He was struck by her appearance for a moment. This was the first time he had seen her without her armor or a blade on her hip. In the dim light leaking through the windowpane, he saw her in a new way. Her top was snug, but nothing like the armor she wore. The short cap sleeves accentuated the muscles in her shoulders, and the neckline rested in a gentle curve above where her breastplate would typically end. Her dark hair was beginning to dry, which allowed some untamed hairs around her face to catch the light and reveal the brilliance of her rare hair color. Looking at her like this now, he had no idea how he had ever thought of her as emotionless. The kindness she had shown him was always a light in the darkness, and now, he was desperate to return that kindness - to deliver her the same light in her dark time.
He realized he was staring when her eyes met his, and he blinked quickly, composing himself. Turning to shut the door, he thought twice about it. Of course, today was an exception, but it was sure to be wildly inappropriate if one of the academy’s professors was alone in such an intimate way with a student. Instead of closing it, he chose to let it gently rest against the door frame. Before he could do so, he saw Dedue through the remaining opening. His vassal approached the doorway, said nothing, nodded, and grabbed the handle, shutting the door softly.
Thank you, dear friend.
Turning to face Byleth once more, he saw her mind had drifted away from her eyes. Dimitri could see that behind her eyes, her mind was wandering, most likely replaying the day’s events on repeat. Her internal strife must be as unbearable as the voices he heard every night. He had no clear answer as to what she had seen, but just based on the blood mixing with water on the grass, he knew she had seen a violent end. He had the overwhelming desire to never allow her to be haunted by Jeralt’s voice, never to be consumed by the same guilt he was.
“I thought you could use some tea, Professor.” He was unsure whether he should lower himself to the floor beside her or wait for her to rise. When she remained still and her consciousness did not return to her eyes, he threw his cautions to the wind and knelt before her, “Byleth?”
Her eyes left their empty state and flicked up to meet his. His face grew hot as her eyes met his - was it in the embarrassment of speaking her name without permission, or something else? Her expression was emotionless, but she would tell him if he had crossed a line, wouldn’t she?
“I brought you some tea, I thought you would enjoy the warmth.” Byleth let out a small hum and looked at the cup in his hands. Tilting her head to the side, she inhaled deeply, the smallest upturning of her mouth flirted with showing him the smile that he adored.
“Chamomile?” she asked.
“Ah yes, I –,”
“That’s your favorite,” she said matter-of-factly. He recognized that it was something she had taken the time to learn about him from all the time they had shared tea in the garden together. Her shoulders lifted her from the ball that she had wrapped herself into on the floor. Taking the teacup from him, she held it close to her face, and closed her eyes, appreciating its scent and warmth. Goddess, she was beautiful.
Dimitri shook his head, a shiver rushing over him. He should not allow the entertaining of those thoughts, especially now. It was unbecoming of a future king to begin feigning over his Professor. He removed the blanket draped over his shoulder and wrapped it around Byleth’s as she continues to inhale the scent of her tea. Her eyes did not open, but she hummed slightly in response, something he took as her appreciation. Taking that as encouragement, he adjusted himself to sit beside her. He rested his arms on his knees in front of him, holding his own wrist in an attempt to stop from wringing his hands as the thoughts of his Professor’s beauty clawed at him, desperately trying to return to the forefront of his mind. Lost in his own internal battle, the pressure of a head on his shoulder ceased all lingering thoughts. A small shudder ran through him as her hair fell between them, sending small tickling sensations up his arm. Though she was still cupping the teacup firmly, most of it gone, and her eyes were focused on something before them that was not there.
“I - I couldn’t save him. He’s gone.” Her words came out in a tone so quiet, it was almost a whisper; her words were so sudden, it was as if she were forcing herself to speak.
Once again, he found himself throwing all expectations and boundaries away. Dimitri lifted his arm and placed it around her, his hand coming to rest on her bicep. He had no words, though he wished he did. He knew how hopeless she felt, and he understood that there was no level of comfort to release that kind of soul-bearing guilt. He felt her breath become ragged as tears threatened to overcome her once more. He carefully removed the teacup from her now lose grip and set it beside him.
She almost immediately collapsed into him once more, her silent tears falling onto his lap. He wrapped her in his arms and made no attempt to stop her tears, only to comfort her. Mindlessly, he began rubbing his fingertips up and down her forearm; slowly, she began to calm. His own nightmares threatened to plague his mind as he attempted to recall ways in which his stepmother used to console him. He began to hear the sound of his father’s voice drifting in and out of his mind. For once, his voice didn’t seem haunting. It was not as comforting as it had once been, but it wasn’t haunting either; it was just simply there.
A knock on the door startled Byleth awake. She could not recall drifting into sleep, but she was very aware it was due to her emotional exhaustion. Where was she? Ah, yes, in her room and –
‘My, my.’
Sothis spoke in the back of her mind, nudging her drained mind awake. The scent of Chamomile tea filled her nose, and with that, she was fully aware of her surroundings. The ground was cold, but she was warm; she was also lying in the lap of Dimitri, his arm gently over her side.
‘The Crown Prince has not left your side, but you are no longer alone. Someone is here to see you. Quickly now!’
A second knock on the door startled Dimitri awake as he lifted his head from where it rested on the top of her bed, his hair was mussed and his pupils wide, and - oh, how handsome he looked. He smiled at her, his cerulean eyes gentle, and moved a strand of hair from her face.
“How are you feeling, Professor?” Before she could answer him, a third, more pronounced knock padded on her door. She sat up gingerly; she was reluctant to leave Dimitri’s lap. Though she knew it was inappropriate for teacher and pupil, he had been a great comfort to her. As he stood rather quickly, she couldn’t help but watch him. It was different to see him like this, in the moonlight through her window. She was fascinated to see his demeanor change from soft to royal in a matter of seconds. His shoulders rolled back, and his spine straightened before he opened her bedroom door.
“Your Highness, I’m sorry to bother you and the Professor,” Dedue spoke in a hushed and rushed tone, shadows dancing in the lantern light outside her door, “but they all insisted.”
“Mercie and I brought sweets! Is the Professor awake?” Annette's voice was hopeful.
Dimitri turned to catch her gaze, and although she could feel the exhaustion of her emotions threatening her to give in to her weariness once more, she nodded. She understood his intent without a word and did not want to deny her students; they were most likely out past curfew for her. Dimitri smiled softly, and in response to Annette’s question, he simply opened the door wider to reveal her sitting on the floor.
“Oh, Professor!” Mercedes and Annette rushed in and knelt by her side, but her eyes were on the remainder of her class in the hall. They were all out of their uniforms and in their evening dress, standing in the chilled night air, to visit her. She could see Felix, stern as always, but observant and inquisitive. To his left was Sylvain, his hand resting on the back of his neck with a smirk on his face. Both Ingrid and Ashe were holding a book in their hands, relief on both of their faces. Since coming to the monastery, the Blue Lions had become a sort of family to her, and she had not truly understood that until this moment.
Dimitri watched Byleth closely as Mercedes and Annette fawned over her, picking up the teacup from the floor, moving her clothes into a neat pile, even wrapping the blanket tighter around her. A small tear fell from her eyes, with that, he was prepared to push them all out; To be the boar of a prince Felix relentlessly called him, when she smiled.
“Hello Class,” she wiped the tear from her own cheek, as the rest of the Blue Lions filed into her room.
“So, you and the Professor, eh?” Sylvain nudged Dimitri in the ribs, giving him a wink. Dimitri could feel his face growing hot as he carded his hair through his hands.
“Sylvain,” he began, but Felix interrupted before he could defend himself to Sylvain’s remark.
“Maybe, just maybe, you’re capable of being more than a boar.” Felix crossed his path and leaned against the wall beside Byleth’s desk. Ashe and Ingrid were sharing the books they had brought with them while Mercedes sat on the Professor’s bed, brushing out the knots in her now dry hair. Annette was tidying up the rest of her armor, and despite this, Dimitri felt a tinge of jealousy that he no longer had his Professor to himself. Then she smiled again, that rare, mesmerizing sight, and all of those thoughts melted away.
“Thank you, Dedue,” he placed his hand on Dedue’s shoulder.
“It appears she is feeling better. Should I fetch us all tea, Your Highness?”
“Oo, yes! Tea!!” Annette perked up, “Mint Tea would go great with the cakes we brought!”
“I don’t like sweets,” Felix murmured.
“Oh Felix, you must just try one,” Mercedes said, laying the Professor’s hair back onto her shoulders.
Byleth looked up at Mercedes, her eyes full of affection, and Dimitri felt an ache in his chest of longing. The lamp light dancing over her features was enough to melt him into a pile right here. If he didn’t pull himself together and disguise these feelings, Sylvain would have never let him forget it. He had to wait until he understood these desires himself before revealing them to anyone else. As if reading his mind, his friend slapped his bicep and gave a wink before walking over to sit on the now-empty desk chair. Setting his arms on top of the back of the chair he was straddling, Sylvain turned to Felix.
“Yea, come on Felix, just try one.”
Felix groaned, rolling his eyes, and the rest of the Blue Lions erupted into a chorus of laughter. To Dimitri’s utter surprise, the Professor also laughed. His heart could have burst from the lovely sound that bubbled up slowly from her. He had never heard her laugh before, and in that moment, he somehow knew he could never go without hearing it again. It was clear to him now, and there was much to discuss with Sylvain, but he chose to leave with Dedue to retrieve their tea. The fresh air cascaded over his face, and he was washed with a great sense of relief. Why were these feelings of his only becoming stronger? Should they not be waning in such a time of sorrow?
“You’ve done her a great service, Your Highness.”
“I dare say that she has done much more for me, Dedue.”