Chapter Text
"What are you doing here?" Dean's voice was a lot rougher than he meant it to be but he wasn't about to apologize, especially to Cas.
"I- I'm so- sorry Dean...really, I am" said Cas and he looked down, he had always been so welcome with the Winchesters and he wasn't quite sure why he was suddenly being excluded.
"Just get out of here" Dean glared at him and tried to close the door on him but Cas, looking like a sad puppy, refused to move out of the way.
"I don't understand Dean... Just help me to understand and then I will leave" he said dejectedly.
"Fine" said Dean in a huff as he sat back down at the desk "stay in that doorway forever if you want! I don't care!" Dean angrily grabbed a large knife and drew a dramatically long line in his arm with it which immediately started to bleed.
"I see that you are hurting Dean" said Cas in a low voice "just let me stay" he threw his arm out as a disheartened gesture to the sigil that Dean was currently drawing on the desk "please" Cas said in a very hurt manner.
"What's going on here?" Sam asked as he walked up behind Cas who was still standing in the doorway looking at Dean. Cas moved aside a little so Sam could shuffle past him.
"Nothing, don't bother with it" Dean murmured. Sam don't you dare stop me from dispatching this pitiful excuse for an angel Dean thought trying his best to convince himself that this was really how he felt.
"Come in Cas!" Sam said as he threw a rag over the blood on the table to an angry groan and glare from Dean.
"I don't think I am allowed" said Cas staring at Dean sadly.
"Of course you are!" Sam said throwing a meaningful glance in Dean's direction.
"Ya sure come in buddy!" Dean said, his voice dripping with heavy sarcasm . Idiot thought Sam as he rolled his eyes at Dean.
"Excuse us for one moment would you" Sam said to Cas as he pushed Dean out of his chair and past Cas into the hallway and pulled the door mostly closed behind them to push Cas into the room.
"No, Sammy" Dean growled "No"
"Come on just talk to the guy! He looks so broken hearted!" Sam pleaded and gave Dean the same look that he did when they were kids, which Sam knew would help him get his way.
"Fine" Dean sighed through gritted teeth "I will talk to him, but only long enough for the son-" Dean stopped as Cas poked his head out around the door frame.
"Sorry" Cas said to the floor "I felt left out..."
Sam gave Dean a smile and 'went out to get them some dinner' as he had told Cas or more factually to walk around for an hour or so before getting food to allow them to talk, maybe he would order them a pizza Sam smirked.
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"What is bothering you?" Cas asked gingerly.
"You" Dean replied forcefully.
"I am sorry to have wronged you. This was not my intent" Cas sighed as he looked at the floor, not able to stare into Dean's fiery green eyes. Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingertips hoping that when he opened them again Cas would be gone and he wouldn't have to stay angry at him and his annoying, innocent, cute face. He opened his eyes to stop his thoughts from following that train of thought but jumped when he saw that Cas was closer to him then he had expected and staring deeply and sadly into his face.
"Why did you do it?" Dean asked backing away uncomfortably and shifting his focus anywhere but Cas.
"Don't know Dean! I just forgot..." Cas trailed off.
"Forgot what!? That doesn't make any sense!!" Dean shouted.
"I deserve this" Cas said mostly to himself, just loud enough for Dean to hear.
"What?" Dean said, taken aback by Cas' strange response "what does that even mean?"
"It means that I, Castiel, am deserving or worthy of this, in our situation meaning you yelling at me and furthermore-" Cas explained slowly knowing that Dean knew all of this already and wondering why he would ask.
"No, Cas, I know what that actually meant" Dean interrupted trying to stay angry at Cas even though it was difficult not to smile at Cas being as unfamiliar with common human language as the day that they met, what a day that was Dean remembered fondly.
"I don't understand Dean" Cas said taking Dean from his memories.
"It was an expression Cas" Dean very nearly laughed but kept his voice steady.
"Oh, right like when you said bite me" Cas said remembering that misunderstanding and tried to keep from smiling even though that wasn't necessarily what he was asking and he knew that Dean understood that.
"You realize what you did was wrong don't you?" Dean said sternly as if he were taking to a child.
"But why? I thought after what you..." Cas trailed off not wanting to repeat this to Dean as that seemed to further anger him the last time "I mean I didn't even st-"
"Don't say it" Dean said looking down.
"But you-" Cas started but stopped seeing the look on Dean's face "but we-" he tried again but that didn't seem to be any better "I just thought-" Cas found that he could not finish that sentence and instead looked pleadingly at Dean trying to make him understand.
"I know" Dean said more because of the pained look on Cas's face than actual understanding "I just want to make it clear that that was... Well..." Dean didn't remember ever having this much trouble yelling at someone before "it just..." Dean sighed trying to find the right words... Any words at this point would do, Dean had spent too long talking with Cas, he wanted to disappear, possibly forever, no, definitely forever Dean thought. Most of all though, he just wanted to get out of this angel's sight. "You betrayed me" Dean said finally.
"I didn't mean to, I didn't think-" Cas jumped when Dean interrupted him.
"No you didn't did you?" Dean said unable to stop his anger "that was the whole problem! If you would just stop and think about how what you are doing would affect others!" Dean stopped when he heard the sound of angel wings and saw that Cas was gone. "Damn it Cas!" Dean yelled but he let his anger quickly leave him as the pained look that Cas gave him before leaving flashed before his eyes again and again damn it he whispered.