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It was supposed to be the three of them.
School, baseball, karaoke—they did everything together. Chiaki and Makoto failed tests where Kousuke aced; Kousuke and Chiaki succeeded at baseball where Makoto lost; Makoto made the best pudding where Chiaki and Kousuke could barely even make a sandwich.
Sometimes she dreamt of their life together. Before the leap, before the loss. They’d all live together, she was sure of it; Kousuke would go to Tokyo University, no doubt, and she and Chiaki would find some smaller school. Kousuke would be too busy to work so Chiaki would work most of all. Maybe he wouldn’t go to college until later. Makoto would have a part time job, she’s sure of that. She’d do it on days she didn’t have school, and then she’d make dinner at night. No. She’d make dinner sometimes and teach those boneheads how to make ramen without setting it on fire.
Whenever she remembered the one time Chiaki set Kousuke’s shirt on fire she’d laugh until she almost cried.
Now the memory just makes her cry.
But living together… Even then, she realized it was a silly fantasy. Maybe Kousuke would study abroad; maybe Chiaki would be a big dumb baseball star and move to America. Maybe she’d become some kind of crazy cool scientist and cure cancer and stuff or become a super famous artist or whatever. A hotel tycoon, an oil magnate.
Instead Chiaki left. Stupid, stupid Chiaki had to go and be a stupid time leaper and had to have, had to have things to do that weren’t hang out with them and had to just, just be so dumb. The pain of having him gone isn’t as bad as it used to be but sometimes she still wakes up at 3 A.M. with tears streaming down her face.
Sometimes she thinks Kousuke cries too but she doesn’t ask.
Time passes. School passes. Kousuke plans on being a doctor and she plans to work at the museum. Kousuke and Kaho break up. Yuri moves away. Every day feels like a week and every week feels like a year. Graduation is around the corner and still Makoto waits. Sometimes she’s scared of leaving; what if Chiaki comes back? What if it’s late and she’s gone and he can’t find her. What if…
“Hey, Makoto.” It’s a week before final exams and they’re studying in the library. Or, Kousuke’s studying and Makoto is drifting in and out of sleep. He pokes her shoulder. “Hey, wake up.”
With a yawn Makoto sits up and stretches. “Hn? What is it?”
“Have you ever heard from Chiaki?” He tries to sound casual and it almost works. “I just thought, maybe, he’d send you a letter or something.”
“No,” Makoto says and her throat closes. “He, he never said anything.”
As hard as she tries she can’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. She’s tried so hard to forget Chiaki, and she, she had been doing such a good job. He was still in the back of her mind, sure, but the pain was dull and she could go on with life. She could be happy. But stupid Kousuke, stupid Kousuke is as big of an idiot as Chiaki and he just had to bring that up, he just had to. Strong arms wrap around her shoulders and Makoto finds herself pressed against Kousuke’s chest. “Don’t cry,” he says. “Come on, I’m sorry.”
Makoto can’t stop herself now and she sobs loudly into his shirt, clinging to the material so hard her knuckles turn white. The rest of the library is staring, she knows, and they’re going to get kicked out, but when Makoto feels little droplets splash against her hair it doesn’t matter anymore. No one there matters. What matters is having Kousuke here, the only one who can share her pain, the only one who can feel it.
Kousuke passes the Tokyo University exam with flying colors and Makoto just barely manages to make it in. They get an apartment together to save money but it’s so small they only thing separating their ‘rooms’ is a partition board.
Eventually the divider is only there to keep up appearances.
Most of the time they just lie in bed together and hold hands. They don’t need kissing or sex or anything like that; they just need each other. Just holding hands and sleeping in each other’s arms. Kousuke likes to kiss the top of her head and Makoto likes to nuzzle his chest. It’s good like this. It’s, it’s missing a piece, but it’s good.
It’s a sweltering summer night and they lie in bed together, sheets sticking to their legs as an old fan blows warm air around the room. They’ve stripped down to the bare minimum of being decent; Kousuke wears only his boxers and Makoto has on one of his old shirts, too big for her and half way down to her knees. It’d be smarter to go back to her bed to stay cool, but tonight she can’t. Today is the anniversary of Chiaki’s leaving. Today is the day they need each other most.
Makoto flops onto her stomach with a sigh. “It’s too hot.” She closes her eyes. “I hate the heat. Heat is dumb.”
Makoto knows Kousuke is smiling at that and she can’t help but smile too. He’s not playful like Chiaki, but… he has his own ways.
A silence falls upon them as they melt in the heat and Makoto bites her lip. She’s been meaning to ask this for a while, a long while, and since today is the day he left…
“Hey, Kousuke. Did you—did you ever, you know, love Chiaki?”
Kousuke goes stiff beside her and Makoto immediately regrets her words. She’s on the verge of spilling out an apology when Kousuke speaks.
“…Maybe.” His voice is soft. He shrugs. “Maybe.”
Makoto finds herself being strangely… reassured. She had dreaded it before, but… it’s nice to know she wasn’t alone in her feelings. She wasn’t jealous at the thought of sharing him anymore. Before, when she had thought of them all living together as friends, but now—now, it’d be lovers.
They’d all be lovers if Chiaki came back.
Pushing herself up Makoto leans over and kisses Kousuke. They didn’t kiss a lot, not on the lips, but now it’s right, now it’s time. Chiaki isn’t here and Kousuke is. She loves them both, loves them so much it hurts, but she can’t wait for Chiaki anymore. She’s with Kousuke now and as much as she wants them both, Kousuke is all she needs. Makoto’s heart beats frantically as they kiss, messy and inexperienced, and for a moment fear grips her. Going into new territory is terrifying but when Kousuke starts sliding her shirt up past her hips, it’s not so bad. She loves Kousuke, and Kousuke loves her. She’s ready to explore everything with him.
Time passes. They graduate university. Kousuke is a successful doctor and Makoto keeps the museum running smoothly. The painting is kept on display and well taken care of. Eventually, they get married. They put it off for a long time, put it off with too many excuses, but it’s fifteen years later and Chiaki is gone for good. The ceremony is beautiful and their mothers cry. Makoto gets pregnant on their honeymoon and the other women at work coo over her belly at every opportunity. Life goes on as usual. She’s happy. Kousuke’s happy. Everything is okay.
Five months into her pregnancy and everything is turned upside down.
He shows up on the doorstep of the museum like a lost puppy. A big, stupid, dumb, boneheaded puppy.
He was heading for the painting when they meet. He rubs the back of his neck, toes the ground. “Hey,” he finally says. “It’s been a while.”
Makoto gapes at him for a long time. She wants to hug him and hit him and punch him and kiss him. She wants to run into his arms and forgive him for everything. She wants to send him away and never see him again. “Chiaki…”
Chiaki makes the first move and walks over to her. He doesn’t even look at the painting. “You’ve gotten fat.”
It’s a dumb joke but it’s enough to bring her back to reality. “You, you idiot!” She’s louder than she means to but she doesn’t care. “You jerk! You said you were—I thought—We thought—”
Makoto breaks down in tears and she’s angry at herself for it. She was supposed to be done crying over him. Wrapping his arms around her, Chiaki rubs her back as she sobs and hits at his chest.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His smile is sadder than he means to let on. “I didn’t mean to be gone for so long.”
“It’s been fifteen years, you big dummy. We thought you had forgotten us…”
“I could never forget you.” He steps back. “Though you…”
Chiaki gestures towards her stomach and suddenly Makoto feels like a traitor. “It’s—Kousuke and I. We, we got married.”
“Oh,” says Chiaki. “Oh.”
Makoto takes his hand and squeezes it tight. She’s not losing him again. “Come back to my place. I want to talk to you. There’s pudding.”
He looks hesitant but the offer of pudding wins him over. Excitement begins to bubble inside her as they leave and soon she’s running and dragging Chiaki behind her.
Chiaki whistles low when they arrive at the house. “Nice place. Did Kousuke become a doctor or something?”
“Um, yeah.” Makoto heads to the kitchen to pull out the pudding. “Come here, let’s talk.”
Chiaki slides into the chair across from her and Makoto can’t look him in the eyes. If she looks him in the eyes, looks at him, her resolve will crumble. She’ll fly into his arms and everything will be ruined. She stares at her pudding as she talks, poking at it but not eating as she spills her tale. He was gone, she—they were lonely. They missed him. It just… happened. It works. They still…
“I’m glad it worked out for you guys.” She looks up at him and his smile hurts. “I should probably leave before Kousuke gets home, huh? Tell him I say hi.”
“Chiaki, please—”
She grabs his hand and Chiaki jerks it back. “I’ll just mess things up by being here. You guys are happy now. I shouldn’t have come back.”
“Chiaki!”
Chiaki turns to leave but instead finds Kousuke blocking the doorway. “You were going to leave without saying hello?” Kousuke steps forward, tilts Chiaki’s head up. “That’s pretty rude.”
“Hey, I—”
Kousuke kisses Chiaki quiet and Makoto nearly screams. When Kousuke pulls back he looks nervous and Chiaki just gapes. Makoto throws her pudding at them.
“I, idiot! I was supposed to kiss him first!”
Kousuke laughs in a way he hasn’t laughed in a long time. “You took too long.”
“Idiot!” Makoto yells again and runs over to them. She pounds her fists on Kousuke’s chest. “Idiot!”
She grabs them both and holds them close, tears welling up in the corner of her eyes. “I, I hate you both. You’re so stupid.”
Kousuke kisses the top of her head. “I love you, too.” He glances over at Chiaki. “We love you.”
“Oh,” says Chiaki. He rubs the back of his head. “So, I guess I’m stuck here, huh?”
Makoto huffs. “If you leave again, I’ll kill you!” She presses her face to Chiaki’s chest. “…I love you. Both of you. Even, even if you guys are the biggest dummies ever…”
Chiaki looks between the two of them, a smile quirking up at his lips. “I won’t leave. I love you.” His eyes flicker over to Kousuke. “Both of you.”
It was supposed to be the three of them. It was always supposed to be the three of them.
And now it is.