Work Text:
1.
Maya and Carina are back together. It'd been a month since Carina agreed to give them another chance. Every part of her body told her no, but she still loved Maya. She had to say yes. And so here she was, in Maya's bed. They had just had sex, not an uncommon occurrence since they got back together, the sex was different though, everything was different. There was so much tension, and not the good kind. "That was so good, baby," Maya said with a smile and she kissed Carina. The kiss was different. Deep down both of them noticed. They both noticed how ever since they got back together only Maya smiled into the kisses, only Maya initiated any tongue. Maya started to straddle Carina who just shook her head no, "Tonight was about you, I'm tired, maybe tomorrow." Maya's face fell a little, Carina hadn't let Maya properly touch her since they got back together.
"Oh, okay," Maya forced herself to smile, not wanting to be annoyed. They got out of bed for a moment to put on some pajamas. before lying back down and cuddling. Carina was still so mad, as she rested her head on Maya's chest she was angry, angry the blonde had cheated, angry that she cheated with Jack, so now every time Maya was at work, Carina was afraid of what she'd be told when Maya got home. Carina wasn't letting herself be fully all in with Maya yet. She couldn't trust her.
Maya kissed Carina's head softly, but didn't say anything. She didn't push to try to figure out what was wrong because she was afraid of what she would hear. "Car, do you have work tomorrow?"
Carina nodded, but didn't say anything.
"D-"
"Maya, let's just go to sleep."
"Okay, baby," Maya sighed.
Carina listened to her breath, when she heard it even out, and she felt sure the blonde was asleep, she untangled herself from her, and went to get a glass or two of wine. Three glasses later, she decided to go to sleep, so she set the alarm on her phone for 20 minutes before Maya's alarm in the bedroom, and went to sleep on the couch. She did it pretty much every night. That was the bed her and Maya had been in no earlier than 6 hours before she slept with someone else, so she didn't want to be there, she liked the couch. The couch was fine.
The next morning, Carina's alarm went off, and she got up, laid back in bed with Maya, and pretended to be asleep, waiting for Maya to wake up.
2.
"No!"
"Car, just think about it!" Maya begged. Two weeks later, Maya brought up the idea of them moving in together. "Maya, we have been dating for a month and a half,"Carina tried to reason. "And we dated for two and a half months before that! In total that's 4 months! It's not an unreasonable idea."
"The first two and a half months don't count!"
"Why not!?"
"Well, I don't know, does sleeping with Jack ring any bells?" Carina snapped, she felt bad when she saw Maya's face fall.
"That was uncalled for."
"I'm sorry," Carina apologized. There was so much she wanted to say with it, but she just bit her tongue, "I-I'm not ready, yet Maya, I can't remember or count the first time we were together because y- because of what happened. "Okay," Maya sighed sadly. She was going to therapy, and she wanted to suggest couples therapy, but she wasn't sure how Carina would react.
They started to go to sleep, but Carina couldn't. It was annoying, it was all she wanted, to move on, get over it, but she couldn't. Maya cheated on her, even if it over two months ago at this point it happened. She was having trouble shaking it. She noticed the sleeping girl besides her and sighed, she quickly got up, put on her clothes
3.
It had been two weeks since Maya had mentioned moving in together, they hadn't discussed it since. Carina had finally let Maya properly touch her in bed, but Maya noticed the differences. Carina, who had always been so verbal in bed, was practically silent. "Are you okay?" Maya asked for the 100th time, while rubbing Carina's arm. She kept asking while they were sleeping together, but now they had finished, and Maya was asking again, causing Carina to roll her eyes. "Bella, I told you, I am fine," She snapped at the blonde, she was so annoyed with the question.
"I'm sorry," Maya put her hands up signalling she was backing off. Carina sighed, "I think I am going to sleep at home tonight."
"Why?"
"I have only been here and the hospital for like a week, I miss my apartment."
"This could be your apartment," Maya suggested with a smile. Carina scoffed, "No." Maya fake pouted, she didn't want to push the girl about it, but she wanted Carina to move in with her, she just- god she loved her. She hadn't said it yet, and she knew Carina might be easier to convince if she had. She just watched silently as Carina got dressed, and grabbed some of her stuff. "Car, before you go, I have therapy on Wednesday, and I was wondering if you could come with me?" "Uh, sure, what time?" Carina asked, she was at the door, looking over her shoulder at Maya.
"It's at 6pm it's the latest I could get."
"Okay, I'll see you then."
"I won't see you before then?"
"You work overnight tomorrow, Monday, and I'm on call Tuesday, and have a shift Wednesday, so I won't be able to see you before then."
"You can always come surprise me at my office, I'm never against that," Maya smirked, but Carina shook her head no.
"Bye, Maya."
Carina was in the OR, performing a c-section, it was supposed to be 45 minutes, end at 5:30 and she'd get out and be a little late to Maya's appointment, that she had now completely forgotten about. The mom's pressure kept dropping, the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby in a way that made them have to take longer than usual to get him out. She hadn't even noticed her phone blowing up and ringing constantly. "Dr. DeLuca, can I answer the phone?" A scrub nurse asked kindly. Carina looked up suddenly as if it finally hit her it was ringing. "Who is it?" "It's a Maya Bishop." "Si, put it to my ear please," Carina said as she started to close. "Where are you?" Carina heard Maya hiss into her ear through the phone. She suddenly stilled her hands, and moved her head to check the time. "I'm so sorry, I got called into emergency surgery," She apologized as she resumed closing the patient.
"You couldn't have called?"
"I'm sorry, I was thinking about my patient, not our plans!" Carina defended herself. She heard Maya take a deep breath, but say nothing.
"Can we do it next week?"
"No, but the week after I guess," Maya sighed, and Carina looked down, slightly embarrassed.
"Okay, how about I come over tonight? Make this up to you?"
"Okay,"
"Okay, bye bella," Carina said before mouthing "hang up" to the scrub nurse.
4.
"It's fine, Maya!" Carina yelled for the 15th time as she sat down at the island. They had gone to the therapy session yesterday, where they discussed everything except the Jack situation. Carina didn't want to, so they talked about the similarities in their childhoods, and other things that to Maya didn't really matter. "Really, cause you seem frustrated," Maya said from across the island, they were in basically the same positions they were in before Maya went for a run that ended up with her sleeping with Jack.
"Of course I'm frustrated, I told you that it is fine, and you're ignoring that and making stuff up!"
"I just wanna make sure you're okay with i-"
"Maya Bishop, I am fine with going to eat with you and the team, including Jack, tomorrow," Carina tried to reassure her.
"Carina, I lo- I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
Carina sighed at this, Maya still didn't know that Carina never slept in the bed, that she was scared that when Maya was telling her about her day and sleeping with Jack could be something she says again.
"I'm fine with it Maya, but if he tries to talk to me I am going to punch him," Carina warned causing the blonde to chuckle.
"You're sure?" Maya asked once more. Carina just laughed, "Positive."
"Okay."
The next day, Carina went to the station, and helped Maya cook since it was her day to make the meal. It was basically mac'n'cheese, but called something fancier. The sauce was done, but the pasta still needed more time, and they got a little distracted. Carina was sitting on the counter with her legs wrapped around Maya, they were heavily making out. "We're in the middle of my work," Maya said into the kiss. "Mm, guess we should stop then," Carina said as she put her hands on Maya's neck and pulled her face closer. Maya pulled away to look at her and Carina pouted. "Uh huh, we should totally stop," Maya said before going to kiss Carina again. One of Carina's hands found its way into Maya's hair while the other one stayed on her neck. Maya moaned into the kiss.
"Uh captai-" Jack said as he and Andy walked into the beanery. Maya and Carina quickly pulled away, Carina hopped off the counter and wiped her lip, but it's not like they didn't see her. "Right, well, uh, we were wondering when food was gonna be done, and clearly so were you guys." Usually Carina would be amused by getting caught, but she was just pissed. "It's basically done," Maya informed them. They nodded and walked off.
"Car?" Maya asked, making sure the girl was fine.
"Yep."
Carina was distant the rest of the night, no one else could see it, but Maya could tell her smile didn't reach her eyes. She was being polite, but Maya could tell she was pissed.
Carina went to her own apartment that night.
5.
Flashback, 3 days after Maya cheated (3.5 months ago)
Carina was drunk, she knew it, so did the boy she was flirting with at Joe's, but he was too. He was tall, nice smile, hazel eyes, pale skin, black hair, nice butt, and Carina was fully prepared to take him home. So she did. She took home a stranger, who she had no desire to ever talk to again, she didn't even remember his name. He was a good kisser, though. They were on the couch, she wasn't taking him into her bedroom that was too personal. Couch screams, quick, hookup, don't spend the night. She was down to only underwear, and he was wearing only his jeans when someone knocked on the door. They were gonna ignore it when the person knocked again.
"I'm gonna go get that," She sighed as she grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around herself.
"Hel-" She started off cheerful until she saw who it was."Maya, what are you doing here?" Carina asked, her voice and face cold.
"I needed to see y-" Maya stopped herself when she noticed the girl's 'outfit.'
"You're hooking up with someone?"
"We broke up."
"I hardly call a note that says 'I'm done, Maya' a break up!"
"Well, that's what it was meant to be."
"A note!? You couldn't say it to my face?"
"No, no I couldn't looking at you makes me sick right now, so yes a note."
"Okay fine! Then, we've been broken up for 3 days, and you're already sleeping with someone else?" Maya scoffed in disbelief.
"We were together when you slept with someone else, Maya, you have no right to judge me."
Maya looked down ashamedly. "Should I go?" The guy from the couch asked.
"No." "Yes." Carina and Maya said at the same time respectively.
"Car-"
"Maya, you said you didn't need a girlfriend, and now you don't have one."
"Car, you know I didn't mean that."
"Goodbye, Maya."
She slammed the door on Maya's face. She felt bad about it, but she needed to do it. Maya came to her apartment everyday for the next two weeks until Carina finally agreed to try again.
+1
The next day was Saturday, they had plans, but apparently an OB got sick, so Carina had to take an extra shift. Carina promised she would come to Maya's apartment after her shift though. At around 10, Maya heard the front door open. She was sitting on the couch which was way more worn down than she remembered, but she hadn't spent a lot of time just on her couch ever, so she didn't know.
"Hi." Carina said shortly. She walked in and stopped, she felt awkward.
"Hey, come sit," Maya smiled. Carina nodded and sat next to the blonde. God she loved Maya. She didn't want to be so in love with Maya, in the uncontrollable, would die for you love, but here she was. She would die for Maya, but she was still so mad. Maya had still cheated, even if it was over 3 months ago. Carina had tried to forgive her, but it was so hard, and every time Maya was at work she was reminded of it. Loving Maya was hurting her.
"Why?"
"I wanna talk," Maya answered, her eyes looked so pure and honest.
"Maya, I'm all for you talking, but not tonight."
"Carina-"
"Please, Maya, in the morning."
Maya sighed and nodded before standing up and walking to Carina and grabbing her hands.
"Okay," Maya sighed as she started pulling Carina into a kiss.
Maya didn't know or necessarily care how they got there, but they got to the bed, Carina was under her, her shirt thrown off somewhere, and she looked so vulnerable. "Are you okay?" Maya asked quietly as she leaned down to kiss Carina's neck.
She heard a small, "mhm," and continued to kiss and bite Carina's neck, she kissed her way back to the girl's lips. Carina hummed into the kiss and moaned quietly when Maya's tongue met hers. Maya shifted so she could kiss down Carina's body, she was kissing and sucking on the girls collarbone when she heard an unsteady breath, she didn't think much of it until she heard another one. She pulled away and looked up to see a tear running down the side of Carina's face.
"Hey," She said with a breath as she moved herself closer to Carina, she brought her hand to Carina's face and wiped away the tear there. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, just keep going."
"Car, c'mon what's wrong?"
"Nothing!"
"But there's something! There's been something for months, and I've been ignoring it, listening to you lie about being fine! I- You're not!"
"I can't sleep in this bed," Carina said randomly. "Wha-" "Ever since we've gotten back together and I've spent the night I wait until you're asleep, go to the couch, sleep, wake up before you and come back to bed before you notice."
"Why?" Maya asked as she got off of Carina, and sat next to her, listening attentively. "Because, if I just lie in this bed, the same bed we were just hours before, you were an hour after, it reminds me of the fact you slept with someone else."
"So you've been lying to me for months about everything?"
"No, Maya, I-"
"You've been telling me you're fine, and you don't care, why?"
"OF COURSE I CARE! Y-YOU BETRAYED ME! I WONDER IF ONE DAY YOU'LL COME HOME FROM WORK AND TELL ME YOU SLEPT WITH JACK AGAIN OR EVEN WORSE YOU DID AND YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME!" Carina yelled.
Maya scoffed, "SO YOU DON'T TRUST ME AT ALL?!"
"WHY WOULD I? Y-YOU SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE, AND I DON'T THINK YOU WOULD, BUT IF YOU DO IT AGAIN I'M BROKEN!"
They looked at each other for a while. "We're broken," Maya whispered.
"Yeah."
"Carina, I love you," Maya said as tears started to fall down her face, "I love you, and I'm terrible at it, and I always end up hurting you, but God I love you so much. I can't lose you."
"I can't live like this, Maya. I-I love you too, but I am still so hurt, I'm trying, bu-"
"Come to therapy with me again, we can fix this, us."
"Bella-"
"Carina, please," Maya begged, "I promise, I will never do it again, I'm getting better, I just- I can't lose you, I won't survive losing you."
"I can't stay, Maya, I can't-"
"You've been here for months, and now all of the sudden- what changed?"
"I can't hide it anymore, I can't hide the fact I'm so in love with you, I would die for you, I have been internally dying for you. I can't."
Maya bit her lip to choke back a sob. Both of them were crying. "I am gonna go."
Maya watched as Carina packed up some of her stuff. "I'll be back for the rest next time you are at work."
"Carina, is it- are we possible in the future?" Maya asked, her eyes scared.
"Si,bella, we are, just not now. Not so soon."
Carina was at the door, about to leave while Maya was standing with her back against the wall. "Carina," Maya said as she stepped forward and kissed the doctor softly. "I love you."
"I love you too, Maya." With that, Carina turned around and left.