Archive of Our Own

Day sixty-four of quarantine. 

Xuxi is enduring such extreme boredom he feels as if his brain might melt out of his ears. He’s binge-watched countless Netflix shows -- he even rewatched Inyusha twice because he thinks being a half-dog demon is like kind of cool. He’s real into that catboy shit to be honest, but he’ll never tell in fear of Ten calling him a furry. He’s read -- or at least attempted to -- every book he owns, which sure is mainly manga so it’s a lot of pictures but regardless he’s read his entire collection.

Even jacking off, Xuxi’s favorite hobby, has gotten boring -- there’s only so much porn out there that does it for him and he has no interest in getting into any more weird kinks. He was mainly a vanilla guy but liked to spice it up every once in a while. He scarred himself a few too many times though trying to find some new videos to keep things interesting. Kink shaming is wrong , he could hear Ten telling him in his head. But damn, some people just watched some freaky shit. 

Xuxi exited out of Pornhub and collapsed back onto his bed, uttering the loudest sigh. He felt like he was losing his mind. There was no end in sight for the stay at home order which made his boredom feel eight million times worse. No concerts to look forward to and no Sunday brunches where he’d drink one too many mimosas and then blackout and mistake his closet for the bathroom (it only happened once but god Xuxi would literally pay good money to piss on his clothes again just for some human interaction).

To make matters even worse, Xuxi had lost his job at the nearby gastropub (he didn’t really understand what that meant but they did have a great selection of tap beers) due to a government order for all restaurants and bars to shut down. Nowhere was hiring, even the local supermarket rejected his job application, so he sat home every single day, twiddling his thumbs and waiting for it to be all over.

He decided it was time to bother his roommate, Jungwoo, for the sake of his sanity. Jungwoo was one of his nearest and dearest friends, they had met in their sophomore year of college having met at a party one night. They hit it off instantly bonding over superhero movies and anime, and it had felt as if Xuxi had known Jungwoo his entire life. Junior year they even both moved off-campus and rented an apartment together, sharing a room in a tiny two-bedroom with two other friends, Ten and Taeyong. After graduating, Jungwoo and Xuxi upgraded their living situation as well, moving into another two-bedroom, this time each having a room to themselves. Ten had wanted to move with them as well but understood their despair when Jungwoo expressed he literally could not stand to come home one more night and find Ten and his latest hook-up mid-fuck on the couch. Taeyong wasn’t even home half of the time, over at his boyfriend, Johnny’s, apartment but Ten could apparently never make it that far to his room. Ten understood and realized renting a studio apartment for himself was for the best.

Opening his bedroom door, Xuxi could hear Jungwoo typing away on his laptop in the living room. Jungwoo was one of the lucky ones, able to work from home. He sat in the old leather armchair in the corner of the room in an ironed plaid button-up, ready for his next Z oom meeting, minus his holey sweatpants that wouldn’t be visible on camera. Practical and presentable.

“Woooooo,” Xuxi moaned, slinking into the living room, despair in his voice. 

“Is it possible to die of boredom or am I patient z ero?” he asked.

Jungwoo snickered, still looking at his laptop, typing away. He was honestly thriving in quarantine, his inner homebody coming out. Whenever not having to be on camera, he watched countless tv-shows or tended to his various plants growing throughout the apartment and sometimes even ignored work to play Animal Crossing (which Xuxi found a little weird since he was just tending to more plants). 

“Have you watched Tiger King?” his roommate asked. “I finished it last week and it was a great series,” he smiled.

Xuxi had watched the documentary series in its entirety and even joined a Tiger King memes group on Facebook. He wished Carole Baskin memes could still bring him joy. Okay, every once in a while he still found one that made him giggle.

“I’ve seen everything on Netflix,” he cried. “Last night I was so fed up just scrolling on Netflix forever, I just put on Planet Earth and stared at the wall.”

“Please play a board game with me, pretty pretty please,” Xuxi begged. 

“Fine, but if you cheat again playing Scrabble, I’m never playing with you again,” Jungwoo said, an accusing look in his eyes.

“It was one time! What was I supposed to do when my entire rack of letters was straight vowels?”

---

Day sixty-six of Quarantine.

Xuxi laid in bed, once again, bored out of his goddamn mind. The worst part was it was only seven p.m. meaning that Xuxi had at least three more hours to go if not more before tiredness overtook him and allowed him to sleep.

He thought about grabbing another slice of the now cold pi zza he and Jungwoo ordered an hour or so ago but even Domino’s couldn’t bring him joy.

“Ugh,” he moaned out loud, staring up at the ceiling. His ceiling fan spun round and round keeping his room just a tad chilly, just the way he liked it.

Xuxi picked up his phone to scroll through Twitter for the umpteenth time, the only thing left to do.  Ten was tweeting up a storm as he rewatched RuPaul’s Drag Race at home and decided everyone needed to know his every thought as it happened. Taeyong was retweeting cute animal videos which Xuxi didn’t mind, but only so many cat videos could entertain him. 

Suddenly, a tweet from a former classmate caught his eye. The tweet was a link attachment that read “The Real Dexter Killer”. Xuxi had watched the entirety of Dexter a few weeks ago -- the entire time he watched it all he could think to himself is god, this is so two thousand eight. But, the title sounded interesting enough so he clicked on it.

The link opened his Spotify app to a random podcast. Thinking about it, Xuxi had never actually listened to a podcast. He assumed they were kind of just like radio shows but nerdier. But what did he have to lose? Maybe podcasts could be his new quarantine thing. He'd be thankful for literally anything that would distract him for a minimum of twenty-five minutes.

He pressed play on the podcast and lay back in bed as ominous music began. The host of the show (the narrator?) had a surprisingly pleasant voice that made Xuxi feel warm and cozy inside, despite the gruesome story she told.

The Dexter Killer was a story about a middle-aged man named Johnny in Canada who had met a woman on an online dating site. Johnny agreed to go on a date with said woman, who instead of giving him an address to meet up at, gave him a confusing set of directions to follow. Johnny shrugged it off and decided to meet up with his newfound lover. A friend of his, Dale, asked Johnny to text him the address once he had arrived, just to be safe. Johnny agreed and left for his date. When he arrived, however, the odd directions led him to a garage versus a house that he found quite strange. Inside the garage held a man who said he was filming a movie. Johnny left and began to drive back home, explaining the weird series of events on the phone to his friend Dale. A little while later, Dale received a text from Johnny saying that he had gotten an email from his online dating lover that she was home and had asked him to come back, saying she would meet him in the garage. Johnny turned around and headed back. Dale texted back asking Johnny to text him when he got home. He never received a text.

By now, the sun had set, leaving Xuxi in a darker room, only illuminated by the fairy lights he had strung across his bedroom. He peered at his closet door, slightly ajar, and stood up to close the door fully, feeling a funny feeling in his stomach. 

The podcast continued after the commercial break explaining two days went by and Dale hadn’t received a text. He tried calling Johnny’s phone and it rang and rang until it went to voicemail. Dale got suspicious and tried filling a missing police report but the police played it off as a grown man who clearly became enamored with a new lover and was ignoring his friends.

Seems plausible, Xuxi thought to himself. Ten had definitely not answered his phone for a couple of days after a dick appointment turned into a date which turned into a two-day long date which had Ten finally crawling home Sunday night complaining he had his back blown out. A casual weekend for Ten honestly.

The narrator continued saying something didn’t sit right with Dale especially when he finally received an email from no one other than Johnny. The email read that Johnny and his new lover had really hit it off and that they were going to escape the Canadian weather by going down to her vacation home in Costa Rica. Johnny’s email emphasized not to worry about him and that he would check his email periodically and be back in a couple of months.

Xuxi paused the podcast, to type a message to Ten. Hey, if you met a really hot guy on Grindr who invited you to his international vacation house after the first date would you go?

Xuxi giggled at Ten’s response, abso-fucking-lutely, before resuming the podcast.

---

Two a.m hit when Xuxi forced himself to go to bed, having been up listening to true-crime podcast after true-crime podcast after true-crime podcast.

He tried to close his eyes and relax but his thoughts were all-consuming. What was that weird sound the wall just made? Was the front door locked? If someone broke into his apartment and barged into his room, what was the nearest item he could use as a weapon? Could Xuxi fight off a serial killer? And last but definitely not least, Ten would one hundred percent get killed by a murderer on dick appointment. 

Xuxi shot out of bed and ran over to the light switch, turning on the lights as quickly as possible. There was no way he was sleeping tonight let alone in the dark.

He let out a groan, unsure what to do with himself. He knew he had to distract himself otherwise he would think about the nine million different ways he could be kidnapped walking to take out the trash but nothing but true-crime podcasts kept his attention. It was truly a double-edged sword.

He decided to open up twitter and scroll to see who was awake but to no one’s surprise, his timeline was dead. Sure, it was a Friday night but it was a Friday night in quarantine so no one had any plans or anything to do. Typical. 

His next plan was to text virtually every person he knew, which was frankly really only maybe only five people besides his parents but one of them had to be awake, right?

Taeyong? No answer.

Kun? No answer.

Jungwoo? No answer.

Johnny? No answer.

Hell, even Ten didn’t respond and that boy was definitely a night owl.

Xuxi laid back in bed defeated, leaving himself alone with just his thoughts, his terrifying, serial killer filled thoughts.

The sound of his phone vibrated scared the living shit out of Xuxi, making him nearly fall off his bed. He scrambled to pick up his phone and saw he received a text message back from Jungwoo.

You woke me :( , the first message read.

A second message popped up a few seconds later saying, What’s wrong?

I can’t sleep, Xuxi typed back. He was a little reluctant to explain why he couldn’t sleep, knowing it would sound ridiculous that a grown man like himself was scared there could be an ax murderer in his closet at this very moment. Unlikely sure, but definitely possible. Xuxi was too scared to get up and check for sure.

Watch some TV, Jungwoo offered in his next text message.

Lucas knew he had to rat himself out otherwise his roommate would just ignore him. He got up from his bed, and tiptoed out his room, too scared to turn off the light. He’d rather pay the expensive electricity bill at this point with his measly unemployment check then face the dark. He left his door slightly ajar to let the light illuminate the hallway a bit before reaching Jungwoo’s room. He knocked lightly, praying the boy would answer right away as Xuxi could already feel himself panicking as he glanced into the dark living room.

“Come in,” Jungwoo groaned, sleep apparent in his voice. Xuxi opened the door immediately and slipped inside his roommate’s room which also appeared to be pitch black to his dismay.

“What is it, Xuxi?” the boy asked, rolling over in bed and sitting up. Xuxi could barely see the outline of his roommate but knew his room well enough to know where he would be laying in bed.

“I... uh…,” he stuttered, embarrassed to admit the truth. Lucas was always the “tough guy” in the apartment. The one who squashed spiders when he heard Jungwoo yell from the kitchen or who opened the door with a baseball bat that one time Ten banged on their front door at four a.m. too drunk to realize he walked home to his friends’ apartment instead of his own. 

“Mmmm,” Jungwoo yawned, “It’s two a.m. what’s the matter?”, his roommate still half asleep.   

“Ilistenedtoascarypodcastandnowimterrifiedtogotobed,” Lucas whipped out, not pausing to take a single breath.

“What?” he heard Jungwoo muffle, confused.

Suddenly, Xuxi felt someone grab his shoulder and he uttered a blood-curdling scream before the light switched on to show Jungwoo had gotten out of bed to reveal his roommate out of the darkness.

“Shhhh, shhhh,” Jungwoo whispered, enveloping Xuxi in a hug. Xuxi clung to his roommate tightly, still shaking slightly.

“Did you have a nightmare or something?” Jungwoo asked, breaking apart from the hug and looking at his friend in his arms.

“I listened to too many true-crime podcasts,” Xuxi stuttered, refusing to look his best friend in the eyes, “and now I’m too scared to sleep.”

He felt a hand reach out to touch his head, calmly petting at his hair. Xuxi let out the biggest sigh of relief, feeling safe in Jungwoo’s touch as well as finally getting why he was scared off his chest.

“Want me to watch a movie with you?” Jungwoo smiled.

“Please?”

-----

Xuxi woke up as the sun began to shine through the windows of the living room and he groaned. The large bay window illuminated the room slowly making Xuxi realize he was not in his own bedroom. 

He noticed his head was laying against Jungwoo’s chest, their bodies sprawled out on the old beige couch. Xuxi didn’t remember falling asleep last night but the television showed a black screen with the words “Are you still watching Community?” from Netflix. He felt Jungwoo’s arm tucked tightly around him, settling on his stomach.

Xuxi quietly rolled his body, trying his best not to wake up his sleeping roommate. His face now was enclosed in Jungwoo’s chest and he slowly shifted his body to peer up at his roommate’s face. Jungwoo looked so peaceful, his eyes closed, his mouth in a cute pout, pensive as if he was thinking. The sun reflected off of his wavy black locks, and Xuxi had to refrain from reaching out and tucking his hair away from his face.

Maybe it was because he was still half asleep or maybe it was the particular lighting or maybe his proximity to the other boy but Xuxi had never realized how beautiful Jungwoo was. He felt a flutter in his stomach he dismissed for hunger.

Suddenly, Jungwoo’s eyelashes fluttered before his eyes slowly opened, face to face with Xuxi.

“Good morning,” he smiled. Xuxi could feel his warm breath on his forehead, tickling his face. 

“Want me to make pancakes?”

“I’m starving,” Xuxi giggled.

----

The next night rolled around, Xuxi entrenched in listening to a podcast about a man who had been mysteriously killed in his friend’s guestroom, spending the night. He had been listening to these horror tales all day long, cleaning his room to true crime podcasts, doing the dishes while listening, even having his phone play out loud while he was in the shower -- which he later regretted as he began to have Psycho -esque thoughts of someone coming into the shower to kill him. 

Even Jungwoo became curious, asking Lucas to project his phone to the living room Bluetooth speaker to listen to another unfortunate tale earlier in the day.

The podcast ended, the listener never truly finding out what happened to the poor man, leaving Lucas’s mind spinning. He glanced at the clock to see it read ten p.m. too early to sleep, but too late to keep listening if Xuxi wanted even a chance of sleeping tonight.

Defeated, he lay in bed staring up at the ceiling once again. Who was he kidding, there was no way in hell he was sleeping tonight, not after hearing about literal dozens of people being murdered.

His mind crept back to this morning, how he felt so warm and safe cuddled against Jungwoo. He felt that butterfly feeling in his stomach again, different from the scared tinglings he felt before. Maybe quarantine was really getting to him. He played it off as his craving for human interaction, human touch, that he had been deprived of, locked inside the house.

Once again, Xuxi crept to Jungwoo’s room, his door cracked upon showing his roommate was still awake, scrolling on his phone.

Xuxi knocked softly, making his presence known. Jungwoo looked up from his phone smiling.

“What’s up, Xuxi?”

“I--”, he started, embarrassed again to let himself be vulnerable. He gulped before continuing, “Can I hang out with you for a bit?”

“Sure thing, of course,” Jungwoo responded, patting the empty space next to him on his bed.

Xuxi walked over to the unoccupied half of the bed, situating himself under the covers. His roommate looked over at him curiously.

“Did you listen to a scary podcast again,” Jungwoo asked with a knowing smile.

Xuxi nodded sheepishly, hiding his face under the covers. They smelt of Jungwoo, warm of vanilla and cinnamon.

“Mmmm,” Xuxi mumbled, before feeling Jungwoo roll over, his body pressing against his own.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” his roommate chuckled, caressing his face. Xuxi pulled himself out of the covers to look at the boy next to him, his soft and warm expression making Xuxi melt.

Quarantine is reaaaally getting to me, Lucas thought to himself.

“Do you want to spend the night here?” Jungwoo proposed. 

“With you?” Xuxi whispered.

“Who else?” Looking at his smile, Xuxi felt his eyes already closing, feeling safe once more.

Xuxi woke up the next morning, cradled in Jungwoo’s arms. He found it funny honestly, as Xuxi was always the big spoon, it’s expected frankly when you’re over six feet tall. But what he was scared to admit out loud is that maybe he sort of liked being the little spoon. Adored it maybe. A new quarantine hobby, he convinced himself. 

Jungwoo had one arm wrapped tightly around his roommate, as well as an entire leg draped over him as well. There was no escaping but Xuxi sort of maybe didn’t mind. 

---

The first day. The stay at home order had finally been lifted and Xuxi had never felt more excited in his life. It had been a long few months of not leaving home and Xuxi was ready to hug literally every single friend he had. And to celebrate such a momentous moment, Jungwoo and Xuxi had planned the party of the century, ala Great Gatsby style (Jungwoo explained to Xuxi that the roaring twenties took place after the infamous Spanish Influenza so it made a ton of sense although Xuxi just associated the Spanish Influenza with the illness that nearly took out Edward Cullen). 

Sure, they would have preferred to go out to a bar or a club as usual but those still weren’t allowed to be fully open yet so a house party would do.

The two men went to their local party supply store and bought as many things as their millennial bank accounts could afford, mainly liquor and a handful of silver and gold streamers and a really cool photo backdrop with fun props.

They invited all their closest friends ( under 10 of course as recommended by the CDC ) and Xuxi was bursting with energy and excitement. He hadn’t had contact outside of his roommate and the pizza delivery man in what seemed like an eternity. Not that he minded spending extra time with Jungwoo of course, in like a normal best friend roommate sort of way.

Jungwoo poured himself and Xuxi a shot of tequila (his liquor of choice while Xuxi only associated the drink with more chaotic memories to put it lightly) to cheer their new freedom. They poured back their shots, the bitter taste stinging lightly before being chased with limes Xuxi had so carefully cut prior. 

The apartment was looking great, decorations up, a bowl of punch that Xuxi made that he was slightly worried could be lethal but go big or go home right? and an assortment of baked goods Jungwoo had prepared for the evening.

Taeyong and Johnny were the first to arrive, coming 10 minutes earlier than the indicated time on the Facebook invite because they too were starved for human interaction. 

All the boys quickly poured themselves mixed concoctions, Taeyong avoiding the punch as the self-proclaimed lightweight of the group. Ten arrived shortly after, dragging along his new quarantine (pronounced like valentine Ten deemed) as well. He was a quiet boy named Sicheng who had apparently had weekly FaceTime dates with Ten which Xuxi thought was pretty cute.

Xuxi was well on his way to drunk, nursing his fourth drink in hand, when he caught himself staring at his roommate talking to Taeyong and Johnny. Xuxi’s heart swelled as he watched Jungwoo laugh at something Johnny had said. It was like he was seeing him in a whole new light.

Ten playfully poked at his friend amused asking, “See something you like?”

Xuxi looked away sheepishly, downing the remaining contents in his cup.  “What?” he stuttered, playing it off on the alcohol and not the butterflies in his stomach.

“Oh come on now,” Ten chuckled. “I know.”

“Know what?” Lucas murmured, excusing himself to pour another cup of his punch with Ten following.

“You’re in love with Jungwoo,” Ten smirked, sipping at his drink.

“I’M IN WHAT--” Xuxi yelled out, causing the rest of the party attendants to look over. He smiled and waved to his friends, playing it off as if he had choked on his drink. Everyone slowly went back to their normal conversations before Ten began again.

“My dude, you’ve been in love with your roommate since college. We been knew.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Xuxi said defiantly, chugging his drink once again.

“You look at Jungwoo like he’s the goddamn sun,” Ten rolled his eyes. “You always have this far away look in your eyes as if you’re planning your honeymoon. Oh my god, did you finally sleep with him? Quarantine got to you both didn’t it, god, tell me every--”

Xuxi cut him off replying, “I did no such thing!”

Ten squinted his eyes at his friend, seeing through his bullshit. “You’re trying to tell me you didn’t even kiss once? I was nearly ready to fuck my roommate Seulgi and I’m not even attracted to girls but don’t knock it till you try it, you know?”

“WemayhavecuddledandIsleptinhisbedeverynight,” Lucas mumbled into his punch.

“A-ha!,” Ten yelled out, once again gathering stares from their nearby friends. He lowered his voice before continuing, “a little too PG for my likings but I’ll take it.”

“Do I… have a crush on Jungwoo?,” Xuxi gasped, the light bulb lighting up in his head (he literally pictured it). 

Ten giggled, poking at his friend, a knowing smirk on his face. “I can’t believe it took you nearly three months of being locked up with him to realize.” 

“Oh my god,” Xuxi whispered to himself, finishing his drink once again. “What if he doesn’t like me back? I’m his roommate for god’s sake!”

“And they were roommates,” Ten quoted, cackling to himself. “Dude, Jungwoo has been in love with you for five-ever now, literally since the moment you both met at that one frat party. I’ve never seen a human look so enamored talking about superheroes.”

“He really likes Iron Man,” Xuxi defended.

“He likes YOU , dummy,” Ten replied, bringing his hand in to knock on his friend’s head.

“You’re just telling me this to appease me, there’s no way.”

-----

The night began to wind down, only a few guests left now. Ten and his date Sicheng had excused themselves as they were “tired” which was code work for hook-up. Taeyong and Johnny had begun saying their farewells, about to exit for the evening. 

Xuxi stood alone by the punch bowl, knowing he had definitely had one too many of his deathly concoction and probably should avoid having another. He was still trying to wrap his head around him and Ten’s prior conversation. He looked over at his roommate, wrapping his arms around his friends for a final goodbye. Jungwoo caught Xuxi’s stare and smiled back.

“See you next weekend!” Taeyong called out, hand in hand with Johnny as they left the apartment. Now the two boys were the only two left and Xuxi felt nauseous, partially from the alcohol, partially from maybe being in love with his roommate.

“Ugh, wasn’t that so nice,” Jungwoo said, a slight glaze in his eyes from the copious amounts of punch he had also consumed, wrapping an arm around Xuxi. “I miss socializing,” he pouted.

Jungwoo noticed his roommate tense up at his touch and dropped his hand, cautiously. “Are you okay?” he asked, “Did you have too much to drink?”

Xuxi felt vomit rise up his throat, but what came out was word vomit instead.

“Ithinkilikeyou,” he acknowledged out loud, dramatically throwing his hands over his mouth as if to stop the words he had just uttered.

“What?” Jungwoo asked dumbfounded, looking at his roommate as if he had three heads.

“Nothing,” Xuxi mumbled underneath his hands, wanting the ground to swallow him whole. His dumb punch had made his dumb brain emit his dumb thoughts from his dumb head. 

Jungwoo reached out, his fingers lightly touching one of Xuxi’s hands, pulling it away to hold at their sides.

“What do you mean you like me?” he asked cautiously.

Xuxi sighed, “I hate how much I love being the little spoon, and how safe and warm I feel in your bed and how your eyes sparkle when you laugh and how good your hair looks grown out without a haircut in three months and--”. Xuxi couldn’t stop, the words flowing out of his mouth.

“I like like you,” he whispered.

The smile that grew on Jungwoo’s face was the most beautiful smile Xuxi had ever seen. It ran from cheek to cheek, as if it hurt his face.

“You do?” Jungwoo asked softly.

“And I know it’s dumb cause we’re roommates, god we’re roommates, and you’re my best friend and I’m ruining this because I’ve had too much to drink and I feel like I’ll die if I get this off my chest,” Xuxi uttered, his eyes wide in panic.

“Xuxi….,” Jungwoo began slowly, “I’ve literally been in love with you since sophomore year I thought you knew.”

“How come everyone knew but me?” Xuxi exclaimed, flabbergasted.

Jungwoo chuckled, his face softening at the boy’s reaction in front of him. “I knew it would take you some time to realize but I’ll be honest I didn’t think it would take you this long. Even Sicheng commented on the way we look at each other and we just met him.”

Xuxi was in disbelief. He couldn’t believe he was this dense, maybe his punch really did kill some brain cells.

“I’d ask if it was okay to kiss you right now but I’d like to save that for a more sober time if you don’t mind,” Jungwoo murmured, his long eyelashes fluttering.

“Can we cuddle at least?” Xuxi pouted. Before Xuxi knew it, Jungwoo took his hand he was holding and dragged him towards his bedroom, the two of them giggling the entire way.