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It had all happened so fast. One moment TK and Paul had been clearing a floor, the next TK had gone down. The moment after that was filled with heat and too bright light as the fire around them flared up. Instinct drove TK down, his arms flying up over his head before he could even blink. Then it was over, and he realized he was fine. He was also several feet from where he had started.
Quickly, the pieces fell into place. Paul had been with him; Paul had seen what was going to happen before it did. Paul shoved him out of the way. Paul wasn’t anywhere to be seen.
TK pulled himself up and ran towards where he had last seen Paul before the inferno. He dug through the rubble, ignoring the heat singeing his hands until he found him. He was badly burned and not moving but miraculously, breathing.
That had been hours ago now. TK had spent every moment since in the hospital waiting room, determined to hear every update. He had hauled Paul out of the rubble and rushed him to the paramedic. Ever since then, it had been a waiting game.
The rest of the team was there too, but TK didn’t speak to them. This was all his fault and he knew it. The others had assured him it wasn’t, but he could see how. If he had just been a little faster, a little more observant; if only he had been the one to get hurt instead.
He lightly picked at the bandages swathing his hands, protecting the burns he had gotten from pawing through the rubble. He studiously avoided eye contact with his team. He didn’t deserve to cry, he had to stay strong for them. It was his fault, after all.
He didn’t even register the new presence at his side until a familiar hand gently pulled his fingers away from his bandages. He looked up to see Carlos surveying him with concern.
“You okay?” he asks, voice soft.
TK nods his head, “I’m fine. It’s Paul. He…”
Carlos moved his hand to TK’s knee, squeezing it, “I heard.”
TK swallowed, “Then you know I’m fine. He…he made sure of that.”
Carlos was studying him. He was quiet for a long moment before he eventually asked, “What do the doctors say?”
“That if he makes it through the night he’ll be out of the woods.”
Carlos closed his eyes for a moment, before taking a deep breath; “Paul’s tough, he’ll pull through.”
TK nodded and returned his gaze to the ground. He knew that while Carlos was close to the entire 126, he was especially close to Paul. Which meant that he was another person that TK had managed hurt by fucking up so badly. He returned his gaze to his hands, pulling at the bandages again. He could feel Carlos’s gaze on him, but he refused to look up. He couldn’t bear to see the pain in his eyes and know that he was the one who put it there.
After a few minutes of silence, Carlos stood up. “Come on,” he said to TK, holding out his hand.
“What?”
“I said,” Carlos repeated, “come on. I want to show you something.”
TK was skeptical but took the offered hand and followed Carlos. The went down one hall and then the next before eventually stopping in front of a non-descript door. TK glanced at it and then back at Carlos. “Administration?” he asked skeptically.
Carlos nodded, “basically the offices of the hospital. I brought you down here because these are the people who work the 9-5 jobs, it should be pretty deserted down here and you looked like you needed to get away for a bit.”
“I’m not the one you need to worry about,” he repeated for what felt like the hundredth time that night, “I’m fine.”
Carlos shook his head sadly, “You’re not.”
TK wanted to argue. He wanted to say that the burns on his hands weren’t even that bad, that he hadn’t gotten that bruised when he fell. He wanted to remind Carlos of the laundry list of reasons why he was fine, really, but he knew that look in his boyfriend’s eyes and he knew he wasn’t talking about any physical hurt.
“I just want to know why he did it,” he said, finally saying aloud the thought that had been running through his head all day. “He obviously knew what was coming, because he’s Paul and I swear to Christ he’s at least a little bit psychic, so why did he take that split second to push me out of the way? Why didn’t he take that time to save himself?”
“Would you have done it?”
“Done what?”
“If you where the one who knew it was coming would you have saved yourself or your teammate?”
“My teammate, obviously.”
Carlos nodded, “So you’re mad at Paul for saving you even though you would have done the exact same thing?”
“No? Maybe? I don’t know.” TK shook his head, “I just hate the fact that he’s hurt. That he got hurt helping me.”
“I promise you he doesn’t.”
TK wanted to argue. He wanted to tell Carlos how unfair it was. He wanted to say how worried he was, but he couldn’t find the words.
“It’s okay to feel upset,” Carlos said softly. “You are not responsible for this. You are allowed to have feelings.”
TK just looked at him. Carlos nodded and pulled him into a hug. They stood in the empty hallway in silence as TK quietly broke down.
Carlos loved his mother and his sisters. He would do anything for them and loved every moment he got to spend with him.
But the rest of the family? That was a harder sell. It wasn’t as if they were bad people, it wasn’t even that Carlos didn’t like them. They were just…a lot. Some might even say un poquito loco. But a couple of times a year he couldn’t avoid it. Today was one of those times.
This did not mean he was going in without backup. He felt a little bad about it, but TK was a new face. He would be a distraction. Something for the aunties to focus on for a bit. This was all very strategic. He had explained as much to TK the night before.
“So, you’re bringing me as what? A tactical advantage?”
Carlos had nodded, “A diversion.”
TK raised an eyebrow, “You do realize that you are talking about a family event as if it is a military operation, right?’
Carlos nodded grimly. TK looked unconvinced, “You don’t think that’s a little, I don’t know – excessive?”
“You’ve never met the Gonzalez clan,” Carlos responded gravely.
TK still did not look convinced. “What’s so bad about them? he asked skeptically.
“Have you ever seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s like that, but with different food.”
TK’s eyebrows were so high they had nearly disappeared into his hairline. He studied Carlos’s expression, “You’re not joking,” he said in awe.
Carlos shook his head, “This is not a joking matter.”
TK quirked a smile. It was a suggestive one, “You know, I think I like it when you go into tactical mode. It’s hot.”
Carlos so wanted to wipe that smirk off his face and have his way with him, but there were very serious matters at hand. “Focus TK, this is serious business.”
TK pouted, “Fine. What do you need me to do?”
His directives were simple. Be ready to interject when the conversations got too weird, expect to be introduced as a means of changing the subject. Above all, stay by Carlos’s side at all times so he didn’t get taken captive by any of the aunts.
But now that they were actually here, standing outside the front door of his Tia Rosa’s house, Carlos was starting to feel nervous. He had done his best to prepare TK, but he was actually terrified. What if they were too much for him? What if after meeting them he thought Carlos was more trouble than he was worth? Maybe this had all been a huge mistake.
“Hey, where’s your head at?” TK’s voice, soft with concern filtered through his panic. He glanced over to find the other man frowning at him. Carlos sighed heavily, “It’s just…I’m sorry.” He finished lamely, “I shouldn’t have dragged you into this, it’s too much. We should go.”
TK’s look turned incredulous, “And do what? Sneak off your aunt’s porch? No, we’re going in Carlos. I want to meet your family. I don’t care how crazy they are, they’re a part of you, and I want to know every part of you.”
He grabs Carlos’s hand as he speaks, lacing their fingers together. Carlos feels a rush of affection for this man. This wonderful, caring man he has the honor of calling his boyfriend. He lifts their intertwined hands to his mouth and pressed a light kiss to the back of TK’s hand. “Okay then,” he says softly, lowering their hands, but keeping the grip. He raises his other hand to knock, but not before he looks over at TK.
“Brace yourself,” he warns him.
TK smiles mischievously at him, “I’m not worried; we make a good team, remember?”
So, TK had fucked up.
He had wanted to do something nice for Carlos. Carlos was so caring and always made sure that TK was taken care of in every possible way and while he appreciated that more than he could ever say, sometimes he felt like it made their relationship uneven. He didn’t want to always be the one taking, he wanted to give as well. So, he had decided dinner was a good place to start.
His shift had ended a few hours before Carlos’s did today, so he had used his key to let himself in and had taken over Carlos’s kitchen. He had gotten the recipe from Paul, who had assured him it was idiot-proof.
TK was sorry to say that he had soundly proved that to be false.
As the smoke detector blared and the lingering smoke settled, he put down the fire extinguisher and surveyed the damage. On the bright side, the kitchen was still standing. On the downside, dinner was not even remotely edible. Even calling it food would be generous. He picked up a piece of the meal – it may have once been some type of vegetable, but it was hard to say. He dropped it back onto the tray, where it landed with a dismal clunk.
Plan B it was then, he thought grimly as he reached for his phone and his trusty delivery apps. With any luck, he could have everything cleaned up and the (edible) food here before Carlos even…
His thoughts were caught off by the sound of the door opening. He froze.
He heard the door close again and the jingle of keys being set down. Then the footsteps faltered. “TK?” Carlos called hesitantly, “are you here?”
Despite everything, TK still took a moment to roll his eyes at his boyfriend.
“I hope so. Either that or you’ve stumbled across the most incompetent burglars ever.”
“Did you…start a fire?”
TK winced, “Maybe?”
Carlos turned the corner now and got a full view of the situation. He froze and his eyes widened as he took in TK, his kitchen, and the smoke. He met TK’s eyes and TK smiled sheepishly, “How was work?”
This at least got him to raise an eyebrow, “Work was fine, what happened here? I hope you didn’t bring your work home with you.”
“Not intentionally,” TK sighed. He poked at the ruined dinner again. “Don’t worry though,” he said hastily, “I’ll get everything cleaned up and actual edible food is on the way. I ordered Indian.”
Carlos still hadn’t responded. He was still examining the scene with a shell-shocked expression. “Were you trying to make dinner?” he finally asked, with a strange note to his voice.
“Trying is likely the wrong word – failing is probably a more accurate one. Epically failing is probably best.”
Carlos still hadn’t moved. TK frowned at him with concern, “Are you okay?” he asked, “I swear I will clean this up. You should go get changed so we can maybe have dinner when it gets here.”
Carlos slowly stepped forward, circling the counter so he was in front of TK. He reached out and brushed a spot of soot off of his cheek, “I don’t care about the mess,” he said softly, “I just care that you’re okay. You didn’t have to do this Tyler.”
TK shook his head vigorously, “I wanted too. I feel like you do so much for me, I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you too.”
Carlos leaned forward, catching his mouth for a quick kiss. He pulled back and looked TK in the eyes; his own shining brightly, “I have always known that. You don’t need to cook for me to prove it; you show me in other ways.”
TK raised an eyebrow, “Do I now? Would you like to go experience some of those ways?”
Carlos huffed a laugh and leaned in for another kiss, but he pulled away far too quickly for TK’s liking. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate those ways, because trust me – I do, but that’s not what I mean. I mean the fact that you call me whenever you have a lull in your overnight shift just to say good night. The way that you know when I am not okay, even when I’m not able to admit it to myself. The way you smile at me when we respond to the same calls. Those, and about a hundred more. You don’t need to cook for me too,” he looked up and surveyed his kitchen again, “and frankly, I think I’d rather you didn’t.”
TK rolled his eyes and pulled him in for another kiss, “Good because that means you get to experience one of my other talents.”
Carlos arched an eyebrow, “What’s that?”
TK grinned at him, “Ordering take out.”
Carlos loved being a cop. He loved that he got to help people, that he could make sure that their bad days didn’t become their worst days.
Usually.
Sometimes, he couldn’t help them. Sometimes the awful things happened anyways.
Today, was one of those days. There was this woman – a young mother – who Carlos had been trying to help for nearly two months now. Her husband was clearly abusive, and her concerned neighbors had called 911 numerous times. But she had always claimed everything was fine, even as her lip was bleeding or her eye was swelling. It had frustrated Carlos to no end.
So, he had taken the time. He had made an effort to get to know her, to let her get to know him. He hoped that maybe she would grow to trust him enough to actually report the son of a bitch that was hurting her. He had almost been there too.
It hadn’t been enough. The call had come in an hour before the end of his shift – she was dead. Her husband had killed her and their daughter. The little girl had been 4. She had only been 23.
He had gone to the scene and had seen the horror of it all. The bastard was an animal. Carlos hadn’t even gotten the satisfaction of slapping the cuffs on him or throwing him in lock up. All he could do was make sure that the young woman and her daughter were treated better in death than they had been in life.
Now, two hours later, he was sitting in his car in his driveway. He had been holding himself together since the call had come in. He hadn’t let even a tear spill as he looked at their abused bodies. He was afraid if he let it out, he wouldn’t be able to stop.
He should go inside, get something to eat. He should go take off his uniform like he does every day, a symbolic way of putting work behind him. He tries so hard to keep his two worlds separate but he knows tonight he won’t able to.
So he stays in his car.
He’s not sure how long it’s been before he hears footsteps coming up the driveway. He glances up to see TK heading towards him. He had forgotten that he was stopping by after his shift. TK slows as he nears the car and he realizes that it is still occupied. He pulls the passenger door open and peers at Carlos, confusion in his eyes.
“Carlos is everything okay?” he asks, his brow furrowing in concern.
Carlos opens his mouth. He wants to reassure him, tell him everything’s fine and that he’ll be along in a few minutes. He wants it to be true, too. But he can’t get the words out, so he just shakes his head.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head again. TK’s eyes are filled with concern as he watches him. “Is there anything I can do?”
Somehow, Carlos managed to croak out a request, “sit with me?”
TK climbs into the passenger seat without hesitation, pulling the door shut behind him. He gently picks up Carlos’s hand that is still resting on the gear shift and takes it in his own, squeezing it reassuringly, rubbing his thumb across the back of it. They sit like that for a while, not moving, not speaking.
Finally, with the silent support of TK beside him, Carlos lets the tears fall.
“I love you.”
The words slipped out. There was no planning, no forethought. Just the simple act of opening his mouth and saying the words.
I love you.
Carlos froze in the act of scrubbing the pan from dinner and turned to look at TK, who had nearly dropped the plate he was drying. Their eyes met, each wide in surprise.
“You don’t have to say it back,” TK said hurriedly. God, he couldn’t believe this. He couldn’t believe he had just said that, that he had just thrown that complication in. “I know I just threw it at you, you don’t have to say it. I understand if you don’t want to.”
Carlos was still staring at him. TK looked back down at the dish in his hand, “I’m sorry, it was stupid, ignore it.”
He heard Carlos curse softly beside him and shut off the water. He couldn’t believe that he had just done that. Things had been going so well and now he had just fucked it all up. He was so lost in his thoughts he jumped when Carlos touched his shoulder. He looked up to see Carlos’s eyes full of concern.
“Do you mean it?” he asked softly.
TK wanted to say no, wanted to pretend like it was a big misunderstanding but something in the way Carlos was looking at him made him want to take the risk. He nodded. Carlos smiled.
“Good,” he said, “because I feel the same way. Pretty sure I have for months now, I just didn’t want to scare you away.”
TK had so much he wanted to say to Carlos at that moment. He wanted to tell him that yes, he too had probably known for a while. He wanted to tell him that he couldn’t imagine his life without him. He wanted to tell him that he was the best thing that had ever happened to him. But that was too many words, and he had already said enough of those for tonight. Instead, he pulled Carlos in for a deep, desperate kiss.
They don’t get the dishes done that night.