Work Text:
She knew there was something wrong.
She kept telling herself that there wasn't, that there was enough mess for her to clean up in this city as it was, but Maker forbid the thought wouldn't leave her alone.
It always returned the loudest in the quiet moments, where she had to walk away and find something to do less she actually look at it closer, but then it started to invade the louder moments too, a simple glance or comment and the thought would tumble forward.
There isn't anything wrong, she kept telling herself, we've worked too hard for this.
Yet it persisted through problem after problem in the city, bitterness creeping through into her words as more and more people asked for help.
She had her own problems, couldn't someone fix those for her? Give her a break?
Still, with a shrug and a smile that was fooling no one close to her, she kept going.
There wasn't anything wrong.
It was Varric who found her first after a particularly nasty fight out on the Storm Coast, tucked as far away in a corner of the Hanged Man as she could be, a half empty tankard in front of her. He was good at finding her, always seemed to know who to ask or just where to go. She should ask him sometime how he managed it.
He put down a second tankard in front of her, his hand resting easily on his own, gaze kind but worried as he looked her over. “What's going on Hawke?”
A frown creases her forehead slightly and she drains the rest of her tankard before pulling the other forward. “Nothing, just saving the day, as usual.”
But Varric knew better. The damned dwarf always knew better. “C'mon Hawke, even Daisy's noticed you haven't been yourself lately, Andraste's ass, Rivaini even asked why you didn't respond to her joke earlier, so she has too. What's wrong?”
Hawke remains silent, the growing worry twisting her stomach, making her suddenly want to be anywhere but here, but she finds herself frozen in her seat, unwilling or unable to move, she's not even sure anymore.
Varric looks her over, looks over the tired eyes, the tense jaw, face covered in dirt, a cut down her cheek from a knife that had nicked her earlier, another, deeper, wound bandaged on her arm, or, as makeshift as Hawke could get it. He knew it was more than the wounds, more than the city slowly destroying itself around them, he'd only seen her like this once before and that was after Leandra died.
He waved to the barman for more drinks, keeping an eye on the slight shake in Hawke's hand as she rose it to her lips. “You know, if Blondie saw you like that, he'd flip his lid. You know he hates seeing you with any sort of blood on you.”
Hawke's jaw clenched and she swallowed thickly, forcibly keeping her gaze away from him.
“Ah,” Varric sighed. “Things not going the best right now?”
“There's nothing wrong.” The words sounded rehearsed, even to Hawke's ear, causing her to purse her lips and drain the rest of the tankard in one go. “I told you that already.”
“And I believe I already said it was bullshit,” Varric ignores the small pleading look she gives him. “We can do this dance all night, one of us might even get drunk enough to say something else for once.”
Hawke gives a derisive snort, quickly taking the new tankard from the waitress. “These are my problems Varric. You don't need to worry yourself with them.”
“What? After everything we've dragged each other through?” She shoots him an exasperated look. “I think I owe you a thing or two by now, probably even a lot more than that.”
Finally, a small smile finally tugs at her lips. “You mean a lot more than that.”
“Cut me some slack,” Varric grins. “I'm only one dwarf after all.”
Hawke gives a light chuckle and, for the briefest of moments, her shoulders relax and Varric sees the Hawke he knows return, but as the silence drags on between them, the tenseness returns, her eyes turn sad and solemn again, a cloud returning over her head.
“Talk to me Hawke,” Varric finally said softly, edging a little closer to his friend. “Tell me what's going on so we can fix it, or go punch someone up about it even.”
No smile graces her this time, her eyes closing as she sighs deeply. For a moment, the light around them flickers, and Hawke looks a lot older than what she was, she looked like the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders and she was about to crumble beneath it.
Varric waits, knowing she needed time.
“Have you…” She finally starts, but swallows, looking pained, worried, like voicing it out loud would wound her more than any blade or spell could. Her voice drops and Varric has to strain a little to hear it over the sound of the inn. “Have you noticed anything off about Anders lately?”
There it was. His question answered in hers, the weight of her worry truly showing, even as she drowns it in the mug of ale.
Varric wanted to lie, he wanted to tell her that Anders was his usual self, that maybe she was just stressed with all the mage and templar stuff happening and all the pressure that was being put on her.
But he couldn't. Varric knew better and he owed Hawke the truth and the truth only, no matter if it just made her worry more.
“Hawke,” His voice is soft and Maker help him if anyone heard him like this. “I promise it's not just you. Blondie…Anders has been rather grim lately, I've tried asking him about it, but he always shrugs it off or changes the subject. Whatever it is though, I promise, it's not about you.”
She sighs heavily and Varric watches as the weight of this seems to crush her just a little more, his heart aching for his friend. “I get the same response. I keep telling myself it's fine, but it's not, not really. It's like…it's like some part of him has changed, whether that's because of Justice or not, I don't know, but…”
Hawke falls silent for a long moment and Varric waits for her to mull over her thoughts, knowing that this was hurting, that she needed to take a moment just to process how much she was willing to say it out loud.
“It's like he's saying goodbye.” She said finally and there was the briefest flash of a tear in her eye before she wiped it away. “I just want him to talk to me, to tell me what he's doing.”
“What if you don't like the answer?”
Hawke glanced at him, her expression pained. “Then I'll still know the truth. I can deal with what comes with that after.”
She pulls her gaze away and downs her drink again, Varric pushing his own second mug in front of her. He knew, more than any of them that she wanted this to work, more than she ever let on. Maker dammit it all, he wanted it to work for her, Hawke's life had been anything but easy or simple, and she deserved to find happiness in something.
“Maybe we should tie him up,” Varric suggested half-heartedly. “Torture him till he talks.”
The laugh that left Hawke was bitter. It was awful, pained, and Varric silently hoped he never had to hear it from her again. “If I thought that would work, I promise I would do just that. If it didn't hurt so much when I just look at him lately, I would-”
Varric practically hears her teeth click together as she cuts herself off, drawing in a shaky breath and letting it out slowly, her eyes closing so she only has darkness to look at and whatever expression Varric was watching her with. “What's happening to me Varric?”
His look was filled with pity, he knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn't help it, even as he silently berated himself for it. “You're working through it, it sucks, but it happens to the best of us.”
“Working through it,” She said it numbly, ignoring the taste it left on her tongue. “I feel more like it's eating me up inside, like it's killing me.”
They sit in silence again and Varric watches as she wipes away another frustrated tear.
Dammit Hawke, he thought, why did this have to happen to you?
Varric sighs and stands, causing her to look at him. “Where are you going?”
He shoulders Bianca. “I'm going to go talk to him.”
“Varric-"
Hawke freezes halfway as Varric holds up his hands, his expression gentle. “Just talk, I promise. Maker knows you've got enough on your plate without having to pry chickens teeth out of him. Just let me deal with it, okay? He won't know you've said anything.”
She stands there frozen for a long moment before she finally sinks back into the chair, looking tired. “Okay.”
He gives her a final nod before passing another nod to the barman to keep her drink flowing and leaves, and a small shake of his head to Isabella who’s watching, concerned, from the other side of the room.
The cool air was of some relief as Varric worked his way through Lowtown, giving him some time to just think. He'd never said it to anyone, especially not Hawke, but he'd always promised himself that if Anders had ever hurt her, he'd put an arrow between his eyes. He never thought that he might actually have to indulge that thought further, and yet, here he was, making his way into Hightown to have a conversation that he just knew wasn't going to end well.
He liked Anders, he genuinely did, and, despite current circumstances, he did think that he and Hawke were a good pair. He'd never seen either of them happier when they finally gave into their damned pining (which was a whole other story) and, despite his concerns, he had happily sat back and watched the two of them flourish.
Anders was what Hawke needed. Hawke was what Anders needed.
It seemed that novelty was wearing off.
Varric shakes his head. No. There was more to it than that, that would be far too simple, and from what he'd seen of the two of them recently when they actually went out together, was still almost their old selves.
Anders gaze was still adoring whenever he thought she wasn't looking, and she always beamed brightest when she caught him. If he hadn’t been so happy to see is friend in love, then he would’ve thought it nauseating.
No, this was definitely something else.
Varric draws in a deep breath and knocks on Hawke's estate door, knowing if Anders wasn't here, he could just cut through her basement to the clinic. He wasn’t really sure where would be the better option for this conversation.
Bodahn answered, greeting him warmly. “Ah, Master Tethras, so nice to see you this evening. I'm afraid the lady isn't in at the moment.”
“That's alright Bodahn, I was actually hoping Anders was in?”
“Ah,” The pause was evident, enough to give Varric some worry, before he nods. “Yes, he returned just little while ago. He's in the library.”
Thanking him, Varric makes his way inside, giving Bear a good scratch on his head as he passes him by the fire, and makes his way across to the library.
Anders was hunkered down at the desk, surrounded by a mix of books and a large pile of notes, one page he was furiously scribbling on.
“Man, I thought my work station was bad,” Varric half laughed. “You should organize yourself a bit more Blondie, you might just find it a bit easier to work.”
Anders, who'd originally jumped at the sound of Varric's voice, now cast him a small smile. “That's probably not a bad idea, although, some notes are just random thoughts. They don't really mean much in the grand scheme of things.”
“Every note means something,” Varric said, moving to the desk and resting his back against it. “Whether we realise it at the time or not, even if you just break it up into smaller piles instead of…everywhere.”
Shaking his head, Anders put his quill down. “I’m sure you’re here for a reason Varric, apart from criticising my writing methods. Hawke isn’t here at the moment.” He frowned, as if realising this for the first time. “That’s strange, she’s usually home by now.”
“She’s drinking the night away with Isabela,” Varric lied easily enough. “I’m sure she’ll come home once she’s had enough to drink, or finally tires of Isabela flirting with her.”
“She really doesn’t give up, does she?” Anders leans back in his chair, stretching, before he pauses and looks at Varric. “So what are you doing here?”
This was going to be his only chance, Varric knew that, he knew that if he stuffed this up then Anders wouldn’t talk to him again, at least not alone. He had a brief moment of doubt, but the thought of the weight on Hawke’s shoulders quickly shook that moment free. “I came to talk to you actually.”
“Oh?” Anders looked surprised, but there was no doubting the slight hint of suspicion behind it. “Usually it’s me coming to see you.”
Varric chuckles, trying to throw off the tension shooting across his shoulders. “Well, I thought it was about time I paid you a visit, it seems like a while since we just sat and talked.”
Anders seemed to think for a moment before he chuckled lightly. “It has been a while, it’s amazing how time seems to fly by these days.” He gets to his feet. “Take a seat by the fire Varric, I’ll see if I kind find us something to drink.”
He shifts a little uncomfortably as he sits. It was still odd to him that Anders now lived here now, and while he didn’t blame Hawke, especially with the templars growing worse, it still seemed odd that he could just easily help himself to Hawke’s things.
Again, he pushed the thoughts aside, and let out a slow breath, knowing that he needed to do this for Hawke.
Anders returned with a bottle of wine, and while not normally Varric’s taste, he accepted a glass. “This seems bit a bit of an odd find for Hawke.”
“I think it was gift,” Anders said, sitting opposite him. “Probably meant to be an insult from one of the nobles.”
Varric snorts. “I’m sure they can do better than a cheap bottle of wine, either that or I give them far too much credit.”
“Oh, she’s received worse ones, trust me,” Anders said with a grin. “I think this one she was just happy to receive something useful.”
“Only Hawke could pull this off,” Varric can’t help but chuckle. “Save the city and also piss off most of the nobles.”
“Simply by existing,” A bitter note enters Anders voice. “But none of them would say it to her face of course, they all still know that they wouldn’t be here without her.”
“Oh, I still know a couple who would,” Varric shakes his head. “But Hawke knows that, that’s why she’s never let it bother her too much.”
Anders nods in agreement but doesn’t meet Varric’s eye.
Varric sighs and puts down the glass. “Are you and Hawke doing okay?”
Blinking, Anders looks at him a little surprised. “What?”
“You and Hawke,” Varric said it as lightly as he could, but the concern was still showing in his voice. “You both seem really tense lately. Is everything okay between you two?”
Anders looked at him for a moment before breaking away from his gaze, hiding something in his gaze that caused a brief flicker of panic to pass through Varric’s stomach. “Why wouldn’t we be? Things just aren’t…the best in Kirkwall at the moment. I think it’s just taking its toll on both of us, she’s constantly fighting and dealing with problems and there seem to be more and more people in the clinic lately, not to mention the templar raids.”
He wanted to pretend that Varric’s eyes on him didn’t bother him, but he knew that the dwarf always saw more than what was really being said. Varric’s gaze was intent, knowing that what was said was only the partial truth, and this bothered him even more.
“Everyone’s finding it hard at the moment,” Varric said, not bothering to hide the suspicious note in his voice. “I don’t know Blondie, it just seems more than that.”
Anders sighs, as much as he was a little annoyed at Varric for getting involved, he didn’t blame him, and he knew that Hawke was worried about him, it was only going to be a matter of time before her best friend noticed. “I…there’s just something I have to do, on my own Varric. I can’t put her at risk any more than what she already is, something that I’ve told her, and I would appreciate it if you would take that as the answer too.”
Varric was frowning and Anders knew that this conversation wasn’t just some simple catch up, that he had come here with a purpose, and he knew by that look that Varric wasn’t just about to drop it.
“After all the shit we’ve been through together,” Varric said carefully. “I’m sure you can give me more than that.”
Anders shrugs slightly. “It’s my business Varric. Once I have it sorted, then…then it can all go back to normal.”
Varric’s frown deepens. “Before or after you hurt Hawke.”
He flinches and shakes his head quickly, trying to push the doubts rising in the back of his mind aside. “Hawke and I have had this discussion multiple times. You’re not asking me anything that I haven’t already long asked myself.”
“So Hawke’s pain is worth whatever it is you’re doing?”
“I thought you were here to visit, not to interrogate me.” Anders said a little angrily. “Whatever is going on is none of your business and definitely not any sort of content for your books.”
Varric holds up his hands and shakes his head. “No books, and that’s a promise, this is way too personal for that. I’m simply worried about Hawke, that’s all. She’s hurting, surely you see that?”
Anders chest hurt. He did see it and it hurt him more and more every time he did, but if he backed down now, if he turned away from what needed to be done, then it was only going to be a matter of time before he and Hawke ended up somewhere worse, before every mage in Kirkwall ended up somewhere worse, and both he and Justice couldn’t allow that to happen. No matter the cost.
Even if it meant his life.
Varric’s gaze is worried but kind, and Anders had a feeling that he saw more going on with him than he would ever say. “Look, I may not be best for relationship advice, but I know enough to say that you aren’t meant to keep such big secrets between each other. It’s going to eat you both up until there’s nothing left.”
Anders didn’t get a chance to answer as the front door was swung wildly open, Bodahn barely having a chance to say anything before Isabela hurries into the room, looking half terrified, half worried.
“What have you two been saying to Hawke?”
Anders and Varric stared at her. “What?”
“One moment she was just sitting there drinking, the next thing I knew she was on her feet, shouting like she was in pain, before running from the Hanged Man!” Isabela looked between them. “Honestly, I’m not sure what the two of you have been up to, but she cursed you both out.”
Varric was on his feet first. “Which way did she go?”
“Towards the docks I think,” Isabela looks distressed, the most that either of them had ever seen her. “I’ve never seen her like this before and I was half terrified of what she’d do, which is why I came here first.”
A heavy feeling sat in Anders stomach, still sitting half frozen, mind racing at what Hawke was going to do to, at what she was going through.
Varric sighs as he steps forward. “We better hurry then, we hardly need Kirkwall seeing the Champion breakdown in the middle of the streets.” He looks back at Anders. “Are you coming?”
This kicked him into gear, silencing any voice of doubt that was echoing in his mind as he jumped to his feet and grabbed his staff, calling for Bear as he hurries out the door after Isabella and Varric.
The streets of Kirkwall were oddly quiet, but there was an unsettled feeling in the air that only seemed to grow heavier the closer they got to the docks.
“Dammit Hawke,” Varric said under his breath. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“She’s been avoiding both of you, you know?” Isabella said. “She comes in to drink a lot more than what she used to. If I knew she would’ve told me, I would’ve asked, but I know how stubborn she is on these things.”
Anders watches Varric frown. “What do you mean she’s been drinking more? When is she getting time to do that?”
“Late at night usually,” Isabela sighs. “When she’s not fighting in the streets.”
“Late at night?” Anders asked over the growing lump in his throat. “She’s been sneaking out?”
“I think she’s mostly there for the noise,” Isabela’s voice was quiet, the air heaviest at the docks. “The drinking’s just a side thing, most nights it’s only one, maybe two.”
“So she hasn’t been sleeping as well,” Varric sighs heavily, giving a side long look at Anders. “Come on, let’s hurry up and find her.”
Anders knew that there was nothing else he could say, his own heart was too loud in his ears, remembering back to Hawke’s worst moment after she lost her mother, how she’d thrown herself almost carelessly into every fight afterwards. Was he causing the same thing now? Had he really done this too her?
He forced it away. Focus on finding her first, then he could deal with the consequences afterwards.
Bear paused by their sides, his ears raising, a small whine sounding from him, making them all pause.
There was no noise, there was an eerie silence throughout the docks, sitting heavily in the dark.
“Hawke?” Varric’s voice carried through the air and they all knew that something was very wrong.
Bear whined again, taking a few steps forward, sniffing the air.
“This is not good.” Varric said. “Hawke?”
“Stop talking,” Isabela hissed. “The docks is never this empty this time of night, something is not right.”
“No shit,” Varric said. “But can you see Hawke anywhere? This is very unlike her.”
Anders could feel magic crackling through the air, licking his lips nervously, this being much more powerful than what he’d felt before, leaving an awful coppery taste on his tongue. Wherever Hawke was in this, she was in trouble.
“There’s magic here,” He said quietly. “We need to-”
Bear started barking aggressively just as a brilliant fireball lit up the other end of the docks. Anders was running before either Isabela or Varric could stop him, blood pounding in his ears as his mind raced, going through too many possibilities of what could be happening.
The pull of Hawke’s magic was familiar as another fireball lit up the night and Anders fought Justice to the back of his mind, he couldn’t afford to lose control, not until he sure what was going on.
Bear’s barks were ringing loudly off the stone walls, adding to the growing tension in the air as Anders skidded to a halt along the path, having enough time to throw up a barrier before magic burned through the air around him.
Hawke was on the path ahead, fire burning around her casting large shadows on the walls. There was fire in her hands, her own staff burning, and she was gathering magic again, building up more fire. Normally, she was more careful, meaning that she didn’t know that Anders was there.
“Hawke!” Anders called, briefly wondering what was causing her to fight like this, catching the briefest glimpse of her eyes filled with red, before his gaze moves to the end of the pier.
There was another mage and Anders realised that the dark shift in magic was coming from them.
“Fuck. Blood magic.” Varric growled from behind him. “Why is it always blood magic?”
There was no chance to answer as Hawke launched another fireball and Anders couldn’t help but stare at her, feeling the strain in her magic. Whatever this blood mage was doing, it was putting a massive strain on her mana, and he just had a feeling that this had been happening for a while.
Hawke’s fireball seemed to do nothing.
She was breathing hard, her expression furious, but she still didn’t notice as the others stepped forward, even Bear cautious, having been in these types of fights many a times. “Just leave me the fuck alone!”
The laugh that came back was cold, cruel and anger began to make Anders hands shake. “What’s the matter Champion? Have you finally met your match?”
The yell of anger from Hawke was both filled with fury and desperation, but she doesn’t get a chance to launch another attack, the other mage launching their own attack, Hawke barely managing to block it and it was then Anders caught side of the blood.
Hawke was bleeding. Badly. There were cuts on her arms and blood trickling between gaps in her armour, a deep gash down one of her cheeks.
With horror, Anders realised why this blood mage was affecting Hawke so much, and before he could even think, the mage launching another attack, he was in front of her deflecting the blow.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Hawke growled from behind him, breathing hard. “I can handle this.”
“Yeah, you look like you have it handled Hawke,” Varric was by her side quickly, Bianca firmly in his hands. “You can tell us how you found this creep later.”
Hawke grits her teeth, her gaze locked on Anders, who was still standing in front of her. “Anders…”
“We’ve got you now, love.” Anders voice was quiet, his hand white knuckled on is staff. “This bastard isn’t going to hurt you anymore.”
No one was going to take Hawke from him, especially not some insane blood mage.
Isabela caught Hawke as she staggers slightly, her eyes worried. “Have you two got this?”
“Get Hawke away from here Rivaini.” Varric said, watching out of the corner of his eye as Anders begins to glow, his control finally snapping. “And don’t take no for an answer.”
“Varric-”
The blood mage recovered from the interruption, a cry of rage leaving them as they launch on the attack, Anders deflecting the initial blows as Bear charges forward. Hawke tries to shake of Isabela, but her grip was firm as she pulls her away from the fight, Varric firing quickly, lightning and fire igniting the air as Anders took charge of the fight.
Hawke clutched her stomach, her body aching, her mana all but depleted. She knew that this was the worst she’d been in a while, she knew that she would’ve probably died if they hadn’t found her, but it wasn’t making it any easier to swallow.
She come out here for air, the sea air had always helped her focus, she’d been unable to handle the voice of doubt in the back of her mind anymore. The drink hadn’t helped, having more than what she would drink normally, and she knew that she’d had some sort of outburst, but it all became irrelevant once she felt the magic at work at the docks.
Isabela rested her against a wall. “Will you be alright here for a moment?”
Hawke grimaces. “As long as another blood mage doesn’t turn up.”
“I’d laugh, but given current circumstances, it’s not funny.” Isabela looks at her concerned. “Will you be alright?”
“I’m not about to let blood loss kill me Isabela,” Hawke said and nodded back the way they came, where magic was still crackling through the air. “Go help.”
Isabela disappeared before her eyes and Hawke sunk against the wall. The mage had taken her off guard, opening up the wound on her arm, giving them extra power. The ensuing fight had only made Hawke angry, that she couldn’t even get a break when she felt so low, and because of that, she hadn’t been as careful as she should have been.
Resulting in the other injuries.
Hawke drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying not to let herself worry about the fight, knowing that they could handle it, but it wasn’t easy, her doubts coming back loudly in her mind.
Groaning, Hawke gave in the emotion and started to weep, burying her head against her knees, her body hurting, everything hurting, and for the first time in a long time, she wanted to be anywhere but here.
She didn’t know how long she sat there, somehow it all no longer seemed to matter, even though she was worried for her friends, it all seemed so distant and she felt so alone.
Gentle, cool hands rested on her for a moment before she was being pulled into his arms, her head tucking under his chin as he gently hushed her.
“It’s over now love, it’s all okay.”
She let herself believe that, she had to, scared that the tears and the pain wouldn’t stop if she didn’t. The familiar touch of Anders magic washed over her, her wounds healing, the physical pain starting to ease, and for the moment, this was enough.
There was a small whine and she opened her eyes enough to see Bear step forward, licking her hand gently. She reached up and scratched his head, glad to see that he was okay.
“One of these days Hawke,” Varric said, strapping Bianca back to his back. “You’re going to have a nice normal day.”
Hawke chuckled weakly, closing her eyes again, letting herself bury against Anders. “Then we wouldn’t get to have any fun, sounds like a boring life to me.”
Varric watches grimly as Anders eases his magic off her, the worst of the wounds healed over, but it was very clear she was still hurting, the two of them sharing a look.
“Well, I think after this eventful night, I need another drink.” Isabela sighs, but smiles between them. “Are you alright Hawke?”
“You know me, I bounce back easy enough.” Hawke said through a faint smile, but she makes no effort to move. “I’m sure I’ll be as good as new in the morning.”
“Let’s get you home Hawke,” Varric said, nodding at Anders, who sighs and kisses the top of her head. “You can get some proper rest there and Blondie can finish patching you up there.”
Hawke groaned but made no real complaint about being dragged back to her feet, Anders not leaving her side and supporting her weight, Isabela taking the other side and they made a slow journey back to Hightown.
“I’m sorry,” She mumbles quietly at one point, all three of them sharing a look as Bear happily pants away at the front. “I didn’t want to cause any trouble for everyone.”
“Don’t be like that Hawke,” Varric said. “You’ve saved our asses enough times, it’s about time we paid you back one.”
Hawke mumbled something in reply, but none of them could make out what it was and decided it was best left unheard.
Isabela left them at the door, Anders managing to get Hawke through, Bodahn looking more than worried, Varric quickly brushing him off as they got Hawke upstairs, Bear whining from his spot by the fire as Hawke told him to stay.
Seemingly glad to be back in her own home and room, Hawke managed to take the few shaky steps to the bed and collapse down onto it, burying her head into her pillows.
“Will you be alright with her Blondie?” Varric asked quietly as he and Anders watched her, Anders looking very concerned.
He nods, slowly. “Yeah, I’ll give you a shout if we need anything.”
Varric waits another moment before looking at Anders. “Are you going to be alright?”
Anders glances at him, goes to say something, thinks better of it and sighs. “Not by a long shot.”
Varric can’t help but let out a small chuckle, clasping Anders briefly on the arm before leaving the two of them be, the door closing softly behind him.
There was a moment of silence before Hawke shifted in the bed slightly, enough to be able to look back at Anders. “I'm sorry.”
Anders gives a small smile and makes his way over to the bed, joining her and pulling her close. “You're okay, that's all that matters.”
Hawke sighs and rests against him, listening to his heart beat. “Are we?”
He doesn't answer straight away, letting his magic build again to ease the remaining pain in her body, causing her to shiver slightly, even as she relaxed.
“Anders?” Her voice is smaller this time, the same question hanging in the air.
“I love you Hawke, more than anything.” Anders said finally, his voice quiet. “And I will do whatever is in my power to keep you safe, no matter the cost.”
Hawke tenses slightly but she resists the urge to look at him, half terrified, half worried of what she'd see. “I love you too, which is why I don't want to see you get hurt. I want to help Anders. Please. I don't care about the cost.”
His heart ached and for a single moment his resolve crumbled, taking in a deep, shuddering breath, one that caused her to raise her head, to finally look at him. He held her gaze for a heartbeat before relaxing again, his resolve strengthening, and he gives her a soft smile, fingers brushing lightly through her hair.
“Tomorrow love,” He said softly. “Once you've rested. I'll explain everything.”
She took a moment to search his eyes and then relaxed, sharing his smile and pressing her lips to his. It was slow, lingering, a kiss worth a thousand promises and words.
Anders heart ached as Hawke settled back against, his arms tightly around her as she relaxed and quickly drifted into sleep. He allowed his fingers to trail over her, his mind a million miles away as he thought, thought about what was to come, about the love of his life in his arms, and about all the things that could and should have been if the world had just been different.
For now though, this would have to be enough. She was here and that was enough.
For this moment both of them could let themselves believe that there was nothing wrong.