Work Text:
The barracks, as long as he'd known it - lived in it - was only an airless sleeping encampment, the fetid stench of which kept Erwin away from stepping into them even once since the day he was elevated as a Squad Leader. He'd spend hours overtime training in the fields, assisting Shadis with expedition plans, stretch out his dinners before he returned to his bunk. Only to sleep till the earliest hour of the next morning. Mike would keep him company for most evenings. If it was bad for Erwin, it was no less than hell for Mike. He wasn't raised in nobility, no, but the stiffling humidity of the closed room laden with mosquitoes and drying sweat on the undershirts of the comrades hung casually over the headboards was a blow to his lungs when he lied on his bed. The only thing to look up at was the mould growing on the corners of the underside of the berth above him. Each day, it would creep a little more around the beams. He would spend time scraping at them with an old razor blade, but the monsoon would bring with it more mould he couldn't place. He couldn't get his trunk to stop rusting, but if he kept his clothes elsewhere to avoid reddish-brown stains of rust on the creases, they would end up torn all the way through with the artistry of the mice. It wasn't an unusual occurance to return to threadbare blanket strewn with holes chewed through them, and his toes freezing numb by the morning. Of the thirty odd people who shared this dormitory, Erwin wondered if everyone was resigned to this fate, or if someday it was even possible to get better provisions. Surely, it was only him who had been bothered, seeing no one else had their laughters and merry-making marred by the conditions of the quarters? He had, however, not the faintest idea about commanding collective cleanliness amongst his peers. So when the day came, Erwin stuffed his belongings into his rusted trunk and never looked back.
The meeting had fallen into disarray when he proposed they recruit the "Underground thug".
They would become a liability. No discipline. Wouldn't get along
- Erwin let Shadis handle them. He had convinced the Commander. The rest - he hadn't the time to indulge. Once the three trained with them, their expertise wouldn't go unnoticed. He, himself, was awed beyond his beliefs since the first instance his eyes caught the small man flying through roofed skies. The million possibilities for the future of his plans for humanity zapped through his mind in a flash second like a blade. He had been searching for something, he hadn't known exactly what, but at that split moment, Erwin knew that he wanted him. Needed their skill.
The arguments against them saw different forms. Now the other Squad Leaders argued against untrained filth bring brought into the Corps without warning. That they'd never be able to adjust to the discipline of soldiers. That their uncleanliness would dirty their living space. Levi, Erwin recalled, had smelt of black tea and of cheap soap with a strong fragrance. Given how the soldiers lived, it was somehow strange to imagine the small man with the strong fragrance fitting into the putrid fetor of the barracks.
"I assure you all, that will not be a problem," he found himself saying.
It has been a little over two months since Levi joined the Survey Corps with his friends. There were changes seeping into the regiment that Erwin had anticipated, but the momentum of it was something he hadn't seen coming. The ferocity that had burned into the soldiers to one up the outsiders that were leagues beyond their own prowess after years of their training, was like a storm. It was not that the existence of one extraordinarily powered soldier will change the fate of humanity, but that it will change the entire face of the Corps, with the way everyone now urged to push beyond their own boundaries. Levi wasn't a reform in the Survey Corps, he was a revolution.
While the leader was surly and unsocialising, the personality of Isabel and Furlan brought a vitality to the scene. The soldiers were happier, and they were becoming stronger. Although Erwin busied himself with the new formation plans, the Commander would drop in to check sometimes, never missing the opportunity to marvel at the newly established chaos in the regiment.
There were violent changes in the army now. Something that was the talk all around. But there was also subtle changes underneath that Erwin only noticed when he was at the dining hall, and he caught his own reflection on the tin mug of a cadet sitting across him. Military grade utensils were,for the lack of a better word, dirty. So much so that it was a pointless exercise to even try and get the murky surface to give way to the shine of the metal underneath. But here it was. And another mug, and the plates. All shiny enough to mirror the obtuse reflections of the person eating. His own spoon shone like silverware. It was an odd occurance, but pleasant all the same.
When he returned to the barracks one day to speak with his squad, he wasn't hit with the revolting cloud of murk like he'd expected. Instead,there was only a mild smell of the damp floor, and the fragrance of laundry detergent. "Don't walk in with shoes, I wiped the floor just now! Oh- Squad Leader Erwin- I'm sorry," a mumbling cadet appeared from behind a bunk.
"At ease, I would like to know where I can find my squad at this moment."
Not many days later, a light but soft waft of the smell of bleach surrounded Erwin when he was walking down the corridors to give a report on his progress. Mike caught up with his on the way.
"This bloody smell is burning my nose," he scoffed.
"Did we get helpers to clean the barracks?"
"Not that I know of," Mike shook his head. "Same old cadets on their cleaning duty. Who the hell got them bleach?"
"Would you rather prefer the the smell of old mould?"
"I'd rather have my sense of smell deadened," Mike sighed.
They stopped when they saw a cadet scrubbing at a spot on the floor. She kept mumbling something under her breath.
Erwin cocked his head. "Is there something wrong?"
The girl snapped her head up, as if she was caught stealing food. "No, nothing, just some water I spilled. Levi-bro will kill, I mean, kill me if mould grows on that spot."
"Levi will?" Mike raised an eyebrow..
The girl got up, brushing her skirt as she stood. "God, you can never be clean enough huh," she sighed. And in a second, her face morphed into a deadpan expression as if to impersonate the small man. " You brats are gonna end up dying of disease before you face Titans." Then back again, "Is what he says."
Erwin couldn't stop a laugh that escaped him. And composed back up in a second. Mike didn't compose himself though.
The cadet, encouraged by the amusement, continued, " I've seen places in the Underground less filthier than this."
Mike snorted. Erwin elbowed him, rubbing his nose with a finger to hide the smile breaking through.
"It is a good habit, no doubt," Erwin smiled. "You do not have to push yourself that hard. The corridors look clean."
The cadet beamed at the praise. She let out a huff of satisfaction, watching as the seniors started walking away. A new voice cut through, sending a chill down her spine. God no.
"You've been having a good time slacking off."
Erwin froze at the voice, and as they rounded the corner, looking back for a brief second to meet a caustic gaze sharper than steel locked onto him. Burning.
As they walked away, he could hear Levi's gruff voice chiding the young cadet.
He was walking on a tightrope with Levi. Any moment could be the one which the assassin chooses to be Erwin's last, and unlike their encounter back in the Underground, there won't be any stopping. He recalled the monstrous strength with which he locked Levi in a hold. And it was just an act of resistance. He couldn't begin to fathom the true depth of the man's power. But he knew if at all he made a decision to wild, all of the Corps together will not be able to hold him down. Erwin had to delay the event till the expedition. However, he noticed the glint on the floor, and for now it was fine.
"Are you sure about this, Erwin?" Mike's voice cut through the quiet.
"It is better this way," Erwin nodded. "It is easier to restrict his actions here than have him ambush me on the streets. Any wrong move, and his employer will be exposed."
"What if he doesn't stay? What if he does end up going through with his plans? You know we can't stop him. This is a big risk even for you."
"We won't know that until he comes to face a Titan." Then after a pause, "I do trust his judgement, however."
Mike scoffed. "Watch out for your back, man."
Erwin's lips pursed into a tight line. Mike continued. "I do prefer the smell of bleach over sweat, but I also prefer to have you more alive than dead. I hope this gamble doesn't cost you too much."
He walked away.
Then Levi does face a Titan.
Everything changes. Erwin found him kneeling by the corpse of - Isabel ? Or Farlan. He couldn't tell at all through the mangled bodies shrouded in the green cloaks. Only the small figure heaved in sorrow in the midst of the tempest, hidden in the mist of the evaporating Titans around him. Grief wasn't in his plans for Levi. None of it fit. His plan was to bring the man out to show the vastness of the world being denied to them, of the monstrosity and horrors that lie ahead, all the hurdles they need to overcome for humanity to live free, but the unprecedented storm that had rained on this expedition found him flung onto the ground in the flash if a second, blade at his throat, and the eyes of a wounded animal cutting into his very being.
"You fucker, I came here to kill you! That's what I'm gonna do right now."
Erwin had been stupid. Of course nothing can be achieved without losing something. He hadn't considered what price Levi had to pay. So as the pink mist of blood smoked away, and the glaring eyes cut him to shreds, he grabbed the blade at his throat, pushing against the straining force. The edge cut into his palm, hitting against the bones now, he didn't feel it. He was talking, asking the broken man to wield his anger against the Titans who took everything away from him. The Titans, who would have taken from him regardless of his choices, to shed his regrets, look forward, everything he had etched into his heart, and probably recited a thousand times over. That doesn't make it less real. The only way through this hell is by moving forward, and learning about them, taking back what they deserved. He would have continued, had it not been for the pressure against his palm softening - the steel hitting the floor with a th ink - and Levi falling back, slacking.
When he turned and walked to his horse, he could feel the warm blood draining down his hand, and the eyes of a dead man following him.
It was late in the evening when Erwin returned to his quarters after turning in the reports of the expedition. By that time, the stitches he'd gotten across his palm in the infirmary started bleeding again, and the bandages seeped in dark blood. The sleeves of his jacket was drenched in it. That of his pristine white shirt was stained. They soon fell into an inglorious heap at the feet of his chair along with the soiled bandages that unwinded from his palm and settled on top. He redressed the wounds - spirit stinging the cut, blood forming swirls of pink on the tray of cold water, welcoming the sting that helped distract the mind from the rage of the burning eyes. He had thought they were steel grey. But they were blue. An odd detail to focus on, considering how Levi's strength took overwhelmed very being at the moment, and he saw his own death in the eyes of the man who he thought was going to liberate humanity.
Somewhere, in the distance, the bells for dinner rang. He won't be able to stomach anything. A lot more people wouldn't, but from the window, he started blankly at the string of cadets and trainees swarming in and out of the canteen over he two hours. By the time dinner was over, the slight figure he knew too well as strutting through the door with a bucket and a broom. It was close to an hour when he emerged from the building. The entire hour, Erwin had his temple pressed against the glass of his window, his occasional deep breaths casting a fog over the glass.
Nights after surveys were long, long. Mostly reports to fill time, then the condolences. Then the sunrise. Recruits would be in their bunks dreaming of snapping jaws. Erwin didn't know which was a better poison. The last wax seal pressed into the last letter found him rummaging in that corner of his cupboard which he never otherwise touched. His fingers grazed over the scratchy tin.
The thin cigarette rolled in his long fingers, tapping against the intricate engraving of the eagle on his lighter. They were reserved for the hardest nights. The whiskey bottle in front of him was already half empty before he knew it. He'd grown something of a tolerance.
A shuffling sound outside his door broke his trance. When he opened the door, only a creak, there nothing out of the ordinary except the pungent pungent odour of bleach that knocked the wind out of his lungs and he was unable to resist the cough that escaped him.
"You didn't sleep."
When his gaze lowered and he found the unmistakable figure of Levi on the floor, scrubbing hard at the surface. A drum of water sat right behind him beside a bottle of bleach, three rags hanging by the edge, and four different kinds of mops and brooms leaned against the wall.
"Neither did you," Erwin's voice came in a rasp.
"This is the last floor. I will soon," Levi hummed. His arms never stopped scrubbing. Now he was focused at the bottom of the wall, turning back only to dip the rag in the bleach-diluted water, and wrenching it out before he was back again.
Erwin's brows pulled together. It's as if the last piece of the puzzle he didn't even know he'd been solving fell into place. "Have you been cleaning the entire camp, Levi?"
He finally looked up to meet his eyes. The piercing gaze wasn't there now. If Erwin didn't know better, he'd think they were even glazed over. But his own vision was blurried, unfocused, and he wasn't sure anymore.
"And you've been drinking. We have our ways."
"Would you like to join?"
It was out before Erwin could stop himself. This was the first conversation they'd had when Levi wasn't fixated on assassinating him. Too much haste . He screamed at himself. But his logic wasn't in control at this time and at some point, he concluded, they would have to stop circling around each other and ditch the game of push-and-pull. To stop being so incredibly aware of each other's presence. cease the fire. Have a logical conversation. Work things out with drawn out explanations, clear the air, whatever would get them to function together as comrades. But he was drunk. Everything went to the drain.
"Okay. I'll be there," Levi was on his feet. His thin brows were raised. As if he didn't believe what left his lips. "Let me get done with this floor."
When Erwin closed the door behind him, he found himself reaching for the smoke he hadn't lit yet.
Not long after, there was a tap on the door, and Levi entered before Erwin could say, "Come in".
"I got a glass for you," he said instead. "Though we might need to open another bottle." The one on the table was nearly empty.
"That's fine, I don't get drunk anyway."
When Levi pulled back the chair and sat across him, his eyes narrowed, focusing on the almost burnt out cigarette still in his hands.
"I thought soldiers need lungs that work."
"Just on some days," Erwin gave a dry smile, pouring him the alcohol. He slid the glass towards Levi. The table issued wasn't huge. They were close enough for him to notice the scabs on the fine fingers as they closed in around the glass. All the way up to the wrist - or however much skin the long sleeves revealed. The knuckles and space between fingers were scrubbed white; skin flaking around the tears from the cheap scrub, and a few more scratches. He stiffled a gasp that almost escaped his lips.
Levi had changed into a loose set of civilian clothes. Now he smelled less of bleach, and more of a citrus scent. Soap? Erwin had already associated him with the fragrance of a soap he'd never known, could never imagine him with the smell of standard military issued ones either. So he couldn't help when he realised Levi probably used his first compensation treating himself to a lemon scented soap, he couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips. Of all things.
"When the Commander of the Survey Corps starts losing his breath mid-air, I'm not gonna come save your ass."
Erwin raised a brow. "What do you mean? I'm not-"
"You know what I'm talking about," Levi was looking directly at him.
"I wouldn't assume."
"You can keep your shitty diplomacy for the upper brass, Erwin. I don't do pretty words."
Erwin's eyes widened. Bright. Bright . Then his face settled in a knowing smile. "Understood." A nod.
When he went for another drag, his glowing eyes never left Levi's. Levi held the gaze with the same intensity. And when the cigarette settles in his mouth, Erwin's breath caught as he saw the small frame leaning over the table. Cold fingers brushed against his lips - just a moment, but a long moment - and the heat of the cigarette was no longer in his mouth. Instead it was held gently between Levi's index and thumb as he brought it to his own lips.
"And when you do," - become Commander - Levi took the last puff remaining in the stub, looking back up into his eyes, "I will follow you. Erwin."
"Thank you, Levi."
All the words he'd been designing were for naught in front of the man in front of him. Or that those were the only words he could form at this point - his throat growing increasingly dry at the sight of his cigarette sitting snug between Levi's thin lips. The hands that slayed a herd of titans in a flash now had the delicate fingers daintily holding the dying stub of tobacco. He wondered if it was still damp from his own mouth.
Then he was crushing it into the cool metal of the ashtray, letting the fire go out with a fizz. Erwin's eyes snapped back up.
"What's with that creepy look?"
Erwin fumbled, breaking out of the trance, but before he could even sputter some words - apology? Anything? - he saw the smirk pulled across Levi's lips as he rose from the chair.
"Get yourself a bath. I'll go get one too," Levi nodded at him.
"You already took one, didn't you?" It wasn't the time to talk about it. Someday, the time would be right.
"Doesn't matter," he was already at the door, his face hung low.
"Levi," Erwin's voice was soft, low, "Please get some rest."
Levi closed the door behind him as he slipped out. Erwin stared at the door, tracing the solitary crushed cigarette with his finger. The last glass he'd poured himself was untouched. The stench of the alcohol didn't seem too appetizing when he dwelled in the lingering scent of the lemon soap. He wondered if the barracks now smelled of lemon and bleach. It had been months now, and for some reason, he couldn't recall what it was that he had hated about the military encampment.