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I threw open the bunker door and ran outside into the torrential downpour. The storm had been pounding for the past 45 minutes and there was no sign of it letting up. Wind blew. Lightning struck. Thunder clapped. The physical representation of how I felt.
Fury was something I rarely felt, and it was only brought on if I felt like I was being looked down on, made smaller than I knew I was. It had been months, months, since I'd gone on anything close to a hunt, and I was itching to go somewhere. The bunker had become old and stale and musty, and I needed the fresh air. But, oh no. I had to sit on my thumbs and do the research that Sam couldn't figure out. Or maybe he was acting like there was no breakthrough. Either way, I was so angry at him. If I ever brought up the possibility of going with him and Dean on a case, even if it were low risk, he would shut me down, say he needed me at the bunker in case they needed a quick look through lore they didn't have access to. Although the Internet was an excellent resource.
I began walking down the driveway that led up to the bunker, getting as far as I could until I felt a large hand wrap around my wrist and stop me. The sudden stop hurt, yanking my shoulder in a direction it didn’t want to go. The pain caused me to stop moving - forced me to turn in the direction I was being pulled. A tall man with hazel eyes stood before me, his long hair plastered to his neck and face from the nonstop rain. Just seeing him made the frustration and anger elevate to a new level. I wanted to haul off and slap him, punch him in the chest, something!
“What, Sam?!”
“Listen. I’m sorry..”
“What for exactly? Because I want to hear you say it."
He stared at the ground and let go of my wrist. "You know what."
“That's not good enough, Sam. What are you sorry for?!”
Sam sighed and tried running his fingers through his hair, but it was so drenched it didn't budge. "Keeping you locked up! Not letting you go anywhere!"
"Don't you mean that you're sorry for acting like Dean?"
Sam furrowed his brow and almost scoffed. "What? What the hell are you talking about?!"
I violently pointed toward the bunker. "For fuck's sake, Sam! The way you've been treating me like a caged animal, only letting me out if you guys are going on food runs?! It's something Dean would do to someone he's afraid of losing! Not you! I thought you'd have more reason than that. Hell, you usually do! So what's the logic behind this, Sam?"
Sam set his jaw and shoved his hands in his pockets, seemingly done with the conversation. He swallowed, and I knew he was trying to keep some emotion at bay. Or maybe some memory. Either way, I could see the torment in his gorgeous hazel eyes.
"Sammy," I pressed. "I need a good enough reason. Because 'being here for research' is not what I signed up for. And it sure as hell ain't enough grounds to keep me, a seasoned hunter, inside the bunker at all times. You've even set Cas on me to babysit! To make sure I don't go anywhere! Again, something Dean would do. So, what is it, Sam?"
"Y/N." He forced out an exhalation. "Just come back. Please."
"Not until you tell me what's going on."
"I will. Just...let's get out of this rain first." He was trying to stay calm, I could tell.
"No. What is it, Sam? Why do I deserve to stay home like this?!"
"Y/N..."
"Sam!"
"Because I'm scared!" he yelled, arms outstretched in admittance. Sam ran a hand down his face as he shifted his weight. "I'm terrified."
"Of...what?"
Sam hesitated a moment before continuing. "Of losing you." His eyes returned to the ground between us. "You know as well as I do just how dangerous this life is. And, when we...When we became more than just colleagues or friends, I suddenly had this horrible fear that you'd be on a solo case and something would happen. And that would be it. You wouldn't be coming back."
I stared up at him dumbstruck. All of this had already crossed my mind, but it couldn't be all. "What else?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, surely there has to be something else. Because if that's it, it's a shit reason."
"Y/N, what are you talking about?"
I crossed my arms and smiled humorlessly. "Do you really think I'm not scared every time you and Dean walk out that door? Because I am. If you think I don't have nightmares about you not coming back to me, then you're wrong. But I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to give this thing a shot. Sammy, it's been, what, over a year? And that fear doesn't get any easier. It's an unfortunate reality we live with. So please, tell me there's a different reason you want to keep me locked up in the bunker like a criminal."
"There isn't one."
"That's a lie." I could see the small way his eyes momentarily darted to the left. How he rubbed his thumb and forefinger together - something he only did if he was fibbing. "What else is there?"
"Y/N -"
"Sam. If you don't tell me the entire truth, I'm walking away from here, and I won't be coming back unless you give me a damn good reason."
Sam stared down at me, shock, pleading, and heartbreak in his expression, but he didn't say anything. I shook my head and continued walking down the overgrown driveway, the rain still falling at a relentless rate.
"Y/N!" he called, hoping I would stop. But I didn't. "Y/N!"
I heard the pounding of footsteps behind me, and a large hand wrap around my wrist again. Sam whirled me around, quickly securing an arm around my back as his lips crushed mine with a passionate plea behind them. My eyes were wide as he kissed me, completely flabbergasted by the display. We were soaked to the core from the storm, and all I could taste was rain.
When Sam broke away, I thought I saw a tear escape his eye, but it very well could have been rain.
"Please," he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "Just..."
I rested a hand on his cheek, hoping to pull whatever information he was holding back. "Sam. Tell me. What is going on?"
He sighed and hung his head. He came to caress my cheek with his thumb, his other hand holding mine. "Remember those demons we ran into?"
I had to backtrack quite a ways to even remember what he was talking about. "In Los Angeles?" I asked. He nodded. "Yeah. Why?"
Sam pressed his lips to my forehead as if to stabilize himself. "They're after you."
I felt a shock-wave shoot through me at the words. "What?! Why?!"
He shook his head. "I don't know. That's what Dean and I are trying to figure out. That's why Cas stays behind to make sure you're okay and that you don't leave the safety of the bunker. It's to keep you safe."
"Why didn't you just tell me to begin with instead of letting this drag out?"
"Because like you said - I was thinking like Dean. I had to - in order to make sure you were okay, I had to think what he would do in a situation like this. So, I decided to leave you behind. Dean agreed. Cas said he'd watch you. As long as you stayed put, you were safe."
"I see."
Sam shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry. I should have told you."
"Yes. You should have." I tiptoed to place a kiss on his jaw - he was tall, and it was the best I could do. "But...thank you for telling me now instead of letting this fester further."
Sam snaked a strong arm around my back and leaned down, finding my rain-soaked lips. My hands tangled in his saturated hair, tugging lightly, my soul flooded with clarity and absolution. I wished he would have just come clean months before this, but in a case like this, better late than never.
As the rain continued to drive into the earth and us, I began to shiver. The dampness had mixed with the falling temperatures, and a chill had crept its way into my bones. Sam felt the tremors and placed a final kiss on my forehead as he turned back toward the bunker, hand outstretched, hoping to lead me back into the place I still called home. Our fingers intertwined, and the tall man escorted me back inside.