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Br’aad met his only boyfriend when Ob’nockshai was trying to get him to eat a cow that one time.
It was one of said (future, at the time) boyfriend’s cows, actually -- Bailey was a hobgoblin wizard who lived on his own in a meadow, working part time as a farmer to sustain himself. He owned 2 cows and 5 chickens, to be exact.
And he was super, super sweet!
Br’aad honestly didn’t expect to end up in a relationship with the guy; from what he knew of relationships (which was just Sylnan and Katherine here and there), he figured he’d go more for someone on his own wavelength -- charismatic, upbeat, energetic. Someone to match his energy. Bailey was reserved and somewhat awkward. But that was ok. He was tender and kind in a way Br’aad hadn’t seen in any person he’d ever known (except maybe Sylnan, but that was only to him -- and Katherine). Br’aad surprisingly came to like the way Bailey was a lot. He felt they balanced each other out.
The half-elf got closer to Bailey in a few months than almost anyone he’d ever known. Bailey was his first of a lot of things. Br’aad had never been in such a serious, mature relationship before. It was foreign territory to him. Regardless, though, he welcomed it.
They bonded over magic, mostly, at first. Br’aad taught Bailey what he knew (which was very little) and in turn Bailey taught him. He helped Br’aad hone his magic abilities, gain better control of himself. Things became more intimate when their passions for music came up. They began playing tunes together, Br’aad on that shitty flute he’d made himself back on the Wharf and Bailey on a beautiful, albeit old, violin.
They entered whole other territory when the hobgoblin kissed him for the first time.
It was, in fact, Bailey to initiate. Br’aad was (and frankly still is) quite useless in the face of romance, in his own opinion. He liked to think he was smooth (he’s charismatic, after all), but ultimately he knew that when it came to love, he knew next to nothing. Living on the Wharf his whole life with a brother who didn’t talk in detail about things like that to him and just struggling to get by day to day kind of...led it to end up that way. He’d seen Sylnan and Katherine together as mentioned, sure, but he never really understood them much.
They were sitting side by side on some pillows on the floor of Bailey’s living area (which was most of the cabin, truthfully), shoulders knocked together and sharing some ale the wizard had picked up from town earlier that day. It was evening, rain pattering on the shutters at a quiet but audible enough volume that it was soothing. Br’aad was rambling on about how Matilda (one of Bailey’s 5 chickens) had bitten him hours earlier and all but chased him away from the coop when he’d been trying to feed her. He was in the middle of truly dramatifying the story when Bailey cut him off. Not by saying anything, but by reaching a hand out and cupping Br’aad’s right cheek in such a tender manner it shut the half-elf up instantly. He sat there paused, hands poised in the air as he’d been speaking with them, mouth in a thin line and face slowly reddening. Bailey had kind of forced his head to move to look at him with the gesture, so Br’aad’s eyes met his. He supposed he owed this to the alcohol; Bailey drank a responsible amount, but that day he’d been particularly fed up with some woman in town that he’d told Br’aad about. Apparently she’d given him a lot of trouble regarding some carrots he’d been selling at his stall and had bothered him about them for over an hour. He came home drained and with that aforementioned ale, so whatever she’d been doing must’ve been particularly annoying, Br’aad figured (he knew the other had mentioned specifics, but he couldn’t remember them now ). He downed 2 1/2 full mugs of the stuff by this point, while Br’aad was still nursing his first (to be fair, Br’aad had been busy blabbering the whole time while Bailey remained quiet, listening) and the half-elf could tell from one glance at the other man’s face that his inhibitions were at least slightly down and nerves definitely quelled. He just held Br’aad like that, looking at him with adoration (not that the latter could identify that) for awhile before Br’aad laughed in a somewhat nervous manner and forced out,
“Can I help ya there?” He was reaching up his own hand to put on Bailey’s, probably to try and move it away to avoid his blush from getting any worse than it already was, when the hobgoblin suddenly leaned over and, before Br’aad could react, press their lips together. He moved his hand to the side of the half-elf’s neck.
Again, Br’aad had never kissed anyone before. He barely had a concept of it, even. This moment was both exciting and terrifying. He didn’t shut his eyes through the whole thing, a hand immediately shooting up to grasp onto the long, loose sleeve of Bailey’s robe. His entire body bowed back somewhat, heart beating so rapidly he momentarily worried if it was possible for an organ to burst out of someone. Bailey simply leaned further over to keep their faces touching as Br’aad unconsciously moved backwards. He wasn’t really trying to escape him or anything, he was just caught off guard and didn’t really know what to do. The half-elf’s mouth was sealed shut in a tight line now against Bailey’s. It was positively awkward. Even with his mouth closed, Br’aad could almost taste the familiar ale they’d been drinking (he could definitely smell it), and Bailey’s lips were..wet. Additionally, he could feel the hobgoblin’s protruding fangs against his mouth (not his fault, of course) and he couldn’t decide if that excited him further or if it was simply uncomfortable. Br’aad had never felt so many butterflies in his stomach before nor thought so many things at once, and as the fluttering intensified, he turned his head to the side. Bailey tried to chase after his lips a little, but then leaned his forehead against the side of Br’aad’s cheek. Br’aad took a second to breathe, fingers still like a vice on the other’s arm.
“I—I’m sorry,” Bailey rasped, sending a shiver up Br’aad’s spine from the close proximity of the words, nearly whispered into his ear. “I just—um...I got caught up...in…” he struggled to find words to explain what just happened. Br’aad spoke over him without intending to.
“No, no, it’s ok!” his voice came out a lot higher and louder than he meant it to. His eyes were blown wide and though he was staring intently towards the unlit fireplace in that moment, the half-elf felt as if he wasn’t really looking at anything, totally zoned out and in his own head. He unconsciously turned his lips inwards for a moment. “I just—that was so unexpected! And I—I um-!” Br’aad cut himself off, also not really knowing what to say. He’d just start spewing nonsense if he went on, he knew.
“You just looked so lovely,” said Bailey, and Br’aad’s heart really was beginning to threaten escape from his chest. “I don’t...I don’t know what came over me, I don’t even know if you feel...like that, I’m so sorry.” His forehead slowly moved away from Br’aad’s cheek and, head tilted downward, he put some space between them. Br’aad felt colder as he moved away. His head turned as Bailey scooched back, looking after him.
“Oh, well I— that’s really sweet!” he replied. “Don’t—don’t feel bad! I um, I kind of liked it, I think, I don’t really know; it was kinda weird, I’ve never kissed anyone before!” there was no reason to be speaking at the volume he was right now, yet Br’aad realized there was no way he could help it. Bailey slowly glanced up at him from between the hair falling over his face, then angled his head back up to look at him properly. The man’s skin was already red, so seeing him blush almost gave the illusion like he was gonna burst into flames or something. It was almost amusing in that moment, even given the levels of embarrassment, excitement and uncertainty all coursing through Br’aad at once.
“Really?” The hobgoblin cleared his throat slightly, eyes darting around. “It was kind of awkward. I’m sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t really think about it. So it was awkward. I didn’t want that to be awkward, but I probably should’ve planned it better, or got you ready for it. Probably.”
Br’aad’s heart was still hammering enough for him to hear it in his own ears but he felt calm enough now to say, “We can do it again if you want.” He didn’t even realize he was actually that eager to try a second kiss before the words were out of his mouth.
“You wanna do it again?” Bailey looked at him with both giddiness and utter confusion. He reached out and took Br’aad’s hands in his and the half-elf’s fingers twitched. Yeah, I really want to do that again? he thought, really considering just how awkward the kiss had been. But...it felt good. It was new, it was exciting, it was warm and putting aside everything wrong with it, in the back of Br’aad’s mind it had felt right . Br’aad was nodding as he thought these things and leaning forward, himself, this time. Bailey closed the distance between them again and they kissed a second time.
That second kiss was a little more intact. Br’aad still got that same rush of excitement and his heart started up with the banging around again, but this time he shut his eyes and Bailey turned his head slightly so his teeth weren’t as uncomfortable against Br’aad and suddenly the half-elf felt this itch that his hands had to be on the other. One hand came up to grip Bailey loosely on the shoulder and, almost immediately in reciprocation, both of the hobgoblin’s came up to hold either side of Br’aad’s face. Br’aad let out a little sigh through his nose as the others lips moved against his own. He was more than a little useless compared to the other; didn't know how to “properly” kiss him back or move against him in the tender way Bailey could. It was still messy, unpracticed; but the half-elf figured the other had to at least have some experience in this front, which thought sent a bit of an unpleasant twinge through him, to Br’aad’s surprise. But then Bailey was moving a hand to the small of his back and moving him just close enough for their chests to brush and that twinge turned pleasant.
And he realized this was something he really liked, even if it was a weird feeling.
“I want to be with you,” Bailey had told him once they'd separated that second time. Br’aad was busy catching his breath, feeling like he’d just run all the way to town and back without a pause. His eyelids fluttered at the hobgoblin for a moment, taking in his words.
“We’re already together, though?” he said dumbly, and as Bailey let out a laugh he felt his face burn.
“I mean, like…closer. As a couple. Not just in the same home. Courting, you know?”
Br’aad nodded and quietly uttered “oh, oh oh oh,” understanding. It scared him; the idea of being a couple. That was something entirely new to him, too, and especially being so..what he felt was immature, this was a crazy-mature and big step. Definitely more of a Sylnan thing. But he still nodded. “Yeah, I want that,” he’d said, sealing the deal. No matter how scary it seemed, Br’aad knew it was something he wanted. This man made him feel things he never even knew were feelings you felt. Things he imagined his brother felt with Katherine, what with the way he caught him looking at her sometimes. Br’aad wondered if he looked like that right now. Bailey sure looked similar. His eyes were warm, expression gentle and welcoming, full of love. And it was all directed right at Br’aad. It almost made the half-elf self conscious, he realized. He leaned forward and hid his head in Bailey’s shoulder, his own shoulders squaring up, mumbling embarrassed incoherences against him. Bailey just laughed and put his arms around him. It felt like home.
Br’aad never really saw himself living a domestic life, either, even for a short period of time. He didn’t even know the meaning of that word, honestly. The half-elf was, again, rather immature and reckless and excitable. He felt better out on the world performing; playing music; stealing from and conning people (which he still did even while with Bailey; the hobgoblin didn’t seem to care much one way or the other what he got up to in that regard). That was the Br’aad way. But then after that first-kiss-night he found himself in the cabin with his boyfriend or just by his side a lot more in general.
Bailey asked him to dance with him one night. Br’aad eagerly agreed; he loved to dance. The wizard had no music to play while they danced, so he did have the fleeting thought it may be awkward, but it wasn’t. They ended up singing to themselves as Bailey was spun around and Br’aad was dipped and they moved through the cabin in somewhat out of sync movement with each other. It was unpracticed and kind of clumsy but it was fun and comfortable — even when Br’aad tripped on one of the magic books Bailey had forgotten and left out on the living room floor earlier that evening. The hobgoblin righted his balance midair with a spell, though. Quick thinker. Another thing Br’aad loved about him. He was so smart. Not the kind of things one is usually thinking about when they almost face-plant into the floor of their home, so that’s how Br’aad knew he was smitten. That and other things.
“Are you alright?” Bailey sounded somewhat exasperated in that moment, hand on Br’aad’s shoulder as he regained his footing. He was laughing through his words, all the same, because though feeling guilty, it was a very funny sight when Br’aad nearly fell.
“Never better!” said Br’aad back to him, breathless, with a big smile and an air of confidence. And then he burst out laughing, too.
They made a habit of dancing every third day of the week, just because they enjoyed themselves so much. Br’aad never really had things to look forward to in childhood other than the days he and Sylnan reserved for swiping the town baker’s fresh bread. This was something he started to be really, really eager for — and it was something wholesome. Br’aad had never felt so light in his life during these times. Like there truly wasn’t a care in the world he’d came to know as so wretched and unforgiving up until this very point. It was freeing, and he reveled in every second of it.
Another thing he liked about spending time with Bailey was that it meant Ob’nockshai didn’t bother him.
Br’aad didn’t know why, maybe he was just that kind that he didn’t want to come between them or anything. Maybe that was it. He wanted to give Br’aad that space. He internally thanked the deity for that sometimes. To be fair, he still talked to Br’aad sometimes. In his head, in his dreams. But since arriving there, he didn’t show himself or fuck up time or anything. The half-elf was very grateful. Ob’nockshai was a little bit of a bitch, he came to find, but this did tilt the odds in his favor somewhat. Br’aad trusted him a smidgen more.
But it was more realistic that he just stayed out of it since it annoyed him, added onto the fact that Bailey was helping Br’aad learn magic and therefore Ob’nockshai didn’t really need to do anything. As long as the hobgoblin stayed useful in that regard. It would be fun to play more games with Br’aad, but he didn’t. He’d leave them be for now.
That being said, learning to hone his magic from Bailey was very fun, too. Bailey was an exceptional teacher despite never having actually been a teacher, and Br’aad was eager to learn from someone just as interested in magic as him. He was patient, which the half-elf appreciated endlessly, gentle on him if he failed in something, yet firm enough to keep Br’aad on a good pace. Br’aad could say it a million times and already has — Bailey was smart! Bailey was a lot smarter than he was and yet he never felt like he was being patronized by him, or anything like that. The hobgoblin saw him as an equal with his own unique ability set and traits and never as someone lesser and Br’aad shouldn’t have felt as touched by that treatment as he did.
He spent a lot of time reading — mostly books on magic or lore or religion — and Br’aad, as they got closer and closer, sometimes found himself joining in. He’d cuddle up next to the other and look over his shoulder and usually barely understand a lot of the books that he read, but enjoy reading beside him all the same. Truth be told, some were in languages he couldn’t even understand, so he just pretended to read them to look cool. And then Bailey would ask,
“You can read Goblin?” and Br’aad would turn red and lie,
“Yes! I can…” and Bailey would smile at him ear-to-ear, point at a spot on the page and say,
“Then what’s this line say?”
And Br’aad would make up some absolute bullshit and Bailey would laugh heartily and the half-elf’s heart would go crazy, and then he’d be kissed on the forehead and not bothered again while the other read.
Sometimes, as time went on, Bailey would even commentate the experiences, telling Br’aad various tidbits of information, just sharing his passions with the other man. Br’aad listened with intent to absorb all of the information as, if it meant so much to Bailey, it meant a lot to him. He never really retained very much of that information — but he gets points for trying.
Time with Bailey was precious. Br’aad didn’t truly realize that until about 6 months later.
The long and short of it was that Bailey was taken from him. Scratch that, it was Br’aad’s fault he died. Scratch that, it was that asshole Ob’nockshai’s fault, too, kinda. He was back to being a douchebag. If he hadn’t urged Br’aad to steal from that damn jeweler, he wouldn’t have gotten caught and Bailey wouldn’t have tried to protect him and he wouldn’t be dead. Then again, getting caught was kind of sort of Br’aad’s fault. But it was Ob’nockshai’s fault that Bailey wasn’t saved. He just didn’t help. Asshole. Utter asshole.
Br’aad had to leave. There was nothing for him once again here. He couldn’t think of the cows or the chickens or Bailey’s abandoned cabin; too blinded by grief and anger he fled from town and the area in general. Hitched the closest boat ride he could once again. Guilt overtook him on that trip but there was little he could do. The half-elf traveled around for a good few weeks, jumping from tavern to tavern, inn to inn, talking to commoners and travelers only occasionally. Keeping his distance. Ob’nockshai started visiting him again, playing games here and there, but he was angry with him. And the deity knew it. And he smiled in the face of it.
Br’aad felt a hole in his heart now but he pushed it all away.
He started making his way back to the Wharf a handful of weeks from then. The half-elf put on his best smile, his most charismatic demeanor; mustered the utmost positive attitude he could and forced himself to shove the knowledge of his only love’s death in the back of his mind where he could pretend it didn’t happen. Like he never existed. He boarded the ship home and took refuge in a cargo crate. He missed his brother. He missed Sylnan. The experience made him realize that the other half-elf was truly all he had. He knew that he still probably hated him, was still probably disappointed in him. All the half-elf could try was what he did best — acting like nothing had ever happened and visiting him with open arms. And hoping that Sylnan reciprocated.
Br’aad ended up returning home with 2 new companions and to an eerily normal reunion with his brother. A lot was left unspoken, a lot of tension, but Sylnan still accepted him.
And a lot, lot, lot happened after that.
He didn’t think much about Bailey during all of it. His life became really interesting anyway, so it wasn’t quite that hard to avoid reminders, thoughts, mentions of him. So much chaos ongoing and even less time to think properly than ever. He told none of his new companions (5 of them, by then; Sylnan, Hilltree, Velrisa, Taxi, Mountain…) of Bailey. It didn’t seem relevant. Simply a drag-down for all of them, really.
He felt like he had something of a family with them. And the half-elf wanted to ride that feeling of belonging without anything to spur the mood for as long as he could. So he’d keep pretending.
However, eventually...he got thrown a curveball.
He was out with Taxi in a marketplace in a rather small town they’d stopped in on their way to Viecta, by the name of Westray. Br’aad had suggested stopping by a bookshop they’d spotted amongst the other stores, interested to see if there were any magic-based ones among the stock. He dragged Taxi along for the ride, who seemed less than interested but tried his best to be enthusiastic. He was polite that way.
When they entered the shop, though, Br’aad knew he was fucked.
The shop was eerily reminiscent of Bailey’s cozy cabin home. To be fair, Br’aad hadn’t been in a bookshop since before Bailey’s death. He figured most bookshops were probably reminiscent of their temporarily-shared home. The half-elf knew his energy immediately plummeted and his face fell from the moment he walked through the door because Taxi shortly later waved a hand in front of his face and moved in front of him. He looked at him with a flash of concern at the sight of Br’aad, and Br’aad looked back with wide eyes.
“You alright there, Br’aad?” he asked.
Br’aad’s eyes darted past the tabaxi, taking in the shop again. There was currently no shopkeeper behind what seemed to be the front desk. Books were piled up all around even with the seemingly countless shelves stocked to the brim. The scent of slightly-dusty parchment filled his nose with each breath, a smell that is normally pleasant to most but felt simply suffocating to Br’aad. Small, circular lanterns hung all around the ceiling at various lengths, emitting soft yellow light all across the establishment, reflecting off of covers and surfaces here and there. The store itself was mostly crafted of wooden planks; the floor, the walls, even the ceiling. There were cracks and crevices along the walls here and there, indicating age and settlement. Posters and fliers hung on the walls in various spots, indicating events around town or offering services or detailing religious propaganda. The posters and advertisement, of course, were not a reminder of Bailey’s home at all, so that was a small comfort. It was really just the overall feel, the atmosphere of the place, he supposed.
“Fine!” said Br’aad quite belatedly, causing Taxi to startle. “I’m fine! Nice place,” he said in an effort to derail the topic. Taxi looked puzzled at him, eyebrows furrowing.
“You’re white as a ghost,” his friend said. “Y-you didn’t see something walking in, did you?”
“Oh, no! I just remembered when I was younger, there was a library book I never returned, and it just brought back this..wave of memories, what can I say?” Br’aad gesticulated as he spoke, calming somewhat and trying to get the energy in the room back to normal.
Then the figure of the shopkeeper stepped out from a curtain across the room, presumably leading to a back room or study.
Br’aad was moving away from the entrance and towards one of the tightly-stocked shelves. Taxi said, hushedly,
“Br’aad, you stole for a living as a child, right? What’s forgetting to return a library book to you, honestly?”
The half-elf was ignoring him, though; he was busy trying to focus all his attention onto the books in front of him.
“Uh, yes, hello there! Is there anything I can help you with?” The deep, rumbling voice of the shopkeeper asked. Br’aad glanced past the shelf he was browsing to get a better look at the guy as Taxi replied,
“Ah, no, that’s alright; I’m just here to browse with my friend, he—“
Br’aad didn’t hear the rest of what Taxi said. The shopkeeper was a hobgoblin, from the looks of it; reddish skin, protruding fangs like that of an orc, a tidy head of..black hair… Green eyes, thankfully. But behind a thick, wide-rimmed pair of glasses all the same. Their jawline was soft, however, with a fairly rounded and gentle face. From what Bailey had told Br’aad of other hobgoblins, they did tend to look the same. The half-elf never thought that fact could be so utterly heart wrenching.
He felt his ears angle back against his head, nearly flattening; something that didn’t happen all too often. He blinked, hard, a couple of times and followed the shopkeeper with his eyes as they made their way over to the aforementioned desk. They moved some books and parchment off of what had to be a stool or something behind it, heaving them up onto the desk before sitting down. They said something in Taxi’s direction, then looked over at Br’aad.
The half-elf immediately tensed up, hand presses against a line of books on the shelf. Taxi came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Br’aad, you with me?” he said. “You were looking for, like, magic books, right?”
“Right, yeah, magic!” Br’aad forced out, eyes locked with the hobgoblin who now gave him a somewhat perplexed look. His voice sounded oddly strained, so he supposed that was why. “I don’t suppose you’re, like, a wizard or something running this shop?” He thought that would be funny. Funny in, like, a not funny way.
“You're talking awfully loud,” Taxi informed him in a whisper, as if to emphasize his point.
“Am I?” Br’aad felt less uncomfortable by the moment. He had no idea how loud he was being, truthfully. Barely heard himself.
“Um...I’m no wizard, no,” said the shopkeeper. “My shop specializes in more, well, you know, normal works of literature. Not so much centric on the arcane.”
“Well, then I guess I’m done here!” said Br’aad. He could feel his eyes burning. Had he not blinked in awhile?
The shopkeeper looked at him weird, tilting their glasses down slightly at the half-elf. “You alright there, lad?”
“I’m..sorry, you’ll have to forgive my friend,” his tabaxi friend spoke up in an attempt to salvage this interaction. “He’s not usually this strange. Excuse us,” and he ushered Br’aad out of the shop.
Once they were outside, Br’aad’s chest heaved and only then did he realize he was crying.
Taxi was asking something like “what was that about?” when he turned to actually look Br’aad in the eyes upon their exit. The tabaxi almost immediately clammed up and stared at the other for a beat.
“Br’aad?” he finally asked, lamely. “W-what—?”
When Br’aad cried, he didn’t say much. He would just let himself cry. He couldn’t bother explaining himself. So he just shook and got down on the ground and undoubtedly caused a scene but he didn’t care because everything hurt and he didn’t care what anyone thought when he felt like that (not that he really ever cared). Taxi was saying things to him to comfort him like he tended to, moving closer to cover him just slightly from the openness of their location. Br’aad heard him say that he needed to find Sylnan, or Vel, or someone, that he didn’t know what was wrong, or what happened; he tried to ask Br’aad, tried to coax an answer out of him, even tried to get him to settle somewhat. It didn’t work. He ended up with his arms around the half-elf, and Br’aad clutched onto him appreciatively. He simply let the pain of his lost loved one wash over him, bitterness for Ob’nockshai filling his chest; guilt over not being able to save him crashing down.
By the time he composed himself Taxi wasn’t saying anything anymore, just holding onto Br’aad like a lifeline. When Br’aad moved to pull away from him, though, the tabaxi immediately split and gave him space.
Nothing much got explained about all that.
Br’aad carried the knowledge of Bailey like something well over 35 pounds. And he knew one day he wouldn’t be able to pretend that the hobgoblin wizard never existed anymore. From neither his friends nor himself.