Chapter Text
He walks through a forest. His mother told him never to tread deeper than where the sunlight dares. She warned him of the horror at the heart of one.
His steps are slow, careful, but still they sound like cannons with every he takes in the stillness. A voice, a woman, his mother calls to him. She tells him to turn back.
Do not trust.
The heart hollows you out until it becomes everything that was once you. Until it can slip into your skin and take your life. Until you are left with nothing and the nothing that you become, is the heart.
And no one knows.
It lives with your face, with your family, your life while you scream into the void with the knowledge that you have nothing. Then you become the heart. You become that desperation for something more than simply a pale shadow of living.
You will do anything to get it back.
He continues forward even as everything in him screams of wrongness, he has no control. The heart pulls at him and he is helpless to escape. He realizes the ground is too close to him. He is a child. His hands are both of flesh. Someone much taller, an adult, is holding his left hand. He looks up but they’re too bright. Everything but them is darkness. They are made of sunlight and even as his eyes water from the pain, he refuses to turn away.
He knows the man is smiling. He cannot hear anything over the crunch of glass under his feet but he can hear the man sing of warmth and tomorrow. He tries to claw at the dream when he feels his head start to turn away.
He sobs inside and the man knows. He can see the glow besides him. He feels the man squeeze the hand he’s holding gently. Dark skin holds his small soft child’s hand like he’s important. Like he’s worthy of the warmth.
They arrive at the heart of the forest and there is no color, no light, nothing.
The warmth of his companion suddenly disappears and he aches to search for them but his gaze won’t leave the still blue water that reflects none of the landscape surrounding it.
A perfect mirror.
His mother’s plea.
“Do not break the surface.”
___
The Asset is ruthlessly woken from his frozen prison once again. Per usual it leaves him heaving harshly from his still frosted lungs, his dried eyeballs stinging, and the skin against his metal limb screaming. It will take him a few minutes to defrost enough to become functional and they won’t wait. He knows they will drag him to the chair right away, and soon the echos of his dreams will disappear.
The Asset is prepped for the mission.
___
The Asset loses the target, momentarily, but does not fail. Eyes and ears are everywhere, making tracking the target into an apartment that is owned under one of the many pseudonyms of SHIELD, child’s play. The shot provides little challenge and the mission is completed with minimal complications.
The Asset relays the success to the Handler. He is… pleased.
The Asset is then instructed to a rendezvous point and a team loads up in an unmarked van towards a bunker. A man that isn’t a scientist and isn’t a handler asks for a mission report and the Asset provides it.
The scientists and guards speak among themselves about plans to move forward.
Cryo, the Asset hears and the metal hand twitches instinctively. No one else sees. The Asset notes the malfunction and deduces it to be likely faulty wiring. The arm is old and is prone to malfunction.
The thought hits. The Asset is old. Is the Asset prone to malfunction as well? For a moment his ears sharpen on a song beckoning him from the stillness of the cryo chamber. He fears it. It’s familiar, cold, heartless- The Asset shuts down the trail of thought and refocuses as the Handler’s voice calls for order over the facilities’ speakers.
The Asset requires no thoughts beyond the mission.
___
The Asset is given a new mission because someone else has been sloppy and failure is not tolerated. The Handler speaks of order, of control, of bringing peace to the people.
The Asset is set to eliminate all threats to HYDRA’S success. A group is sent and they deliver the Asset so that sneaking over six cars to the targets’ goes smoothly. Once on top of the car, reaching through the driver’s side rear window to dispatch the compromised agent is simple enough. A flip of the metal wrist and he goes flying under an eighteen-wheeler. With the first part of the mission accomplished, the Asset moves on to shoot the remaining targets within the car. A short tussle of car versus military vehicle ends when the Asset manages to yank the steering wheel from the target’s car and his backup sends it flipping out of control. When they start scrambling for cover, the Asset notices that none of the targets show signs of having been injured. Disappointing.
Nevertheless, the Asset does not fail.
The unit functions flawlessly to assist the Asset and they separate their targets with precision until the Widow manages to slip through a crack in their formation and lodge a bullet right into the Asset’s goggles. He is momentarily stunned, impressed by the shot and skill until those feelings are forcibly smothered under the note of unimportant observations. The Widow’s threat level is reassessed as a higher priority to completing the mission and the Asset instructs the others to get the man with the shield. The Asset will eliminate her.
She’s smart. She uses the chaos of people abandoning the area to hide herself. The Asset thinks she’s made a mistake and instead she takes advantage of the distraction to strike. The metal arm gets a controlled EMP rendering it temporarily nonfunctional and she flees into the crowd. She gets a bullet to her left shoulder for the decision to keep civilian casualties to a minimum and the Asset gets the man with the shield charging in at the last moment to save her.
Priorities re-assigned, the Asset transitions into the new fight. The man is dangerous due to his heightened natural ability whereas the Widow’s dangerousness is the depth of her training. The man is matched in strength by the metal arm, therefore overall stronger but his training is merely adequate compared to the Widow’s. The Asset quickly realizes that the man’s endurance is his most dangerous weapon.
The Asset gets thrown and loses the mask. Sloppy.
The man stalls and speaks. Bucky.
The Asset will take advantage of- “Who the hell is Bucky?” slips out and then the Asset stalls. Unacceptable. The Asset has a mission. He aims his gun-
And gets slammed sideways from above. The Asset rights himself on wobbly legs. Sloppy. The Asset is not sloppy.
The Asset... spares a moment to stare after the man with wings, a ting of jealousy going through him. A man with wings could get away before he got caught. No. The Asset does not long. The Asset does not fail. He focuses back on the man with the shield, lifts his gun despite the tremor running through his arm. The man does not move, but the Widow does.
Ultimately the Asset is forced to retreat when she fires his previously abandoned rocket launcher at him.
___
The Asset sits and thinks.
The Asset does not need to think. He tries to stop.
The metal arm, his metal arm, is being repaired after the damages it took in the previous fight. A… memory plays in his mind. A voice grating on him, calling him Sergeant, the anger arrives before he can even understand it.
He is left breathing harshly, lost in his own mind.
“Mission report.” The Handlers voice does not reach. He is fighting with himself to comply.
“Mission report now.”
After physical recalibration words begin to bubble out of his mouth without permission. Conflicting emotions. The Asset is compromised and malfunctioning. Why?
“But I knew him,” escapes and the Asset knows he has failed, but he does not know what he failed at.
He is pushed against the chair, and he doesn't know if he’s relieved or terrified.
___
The Asset notes injuries. Metal arm, impaired but functional. Senses, impaired but functional. Jaw aches with each breath but functional. The Asset is… tired. Irrelevant.
The Asset is being briefed on a new mission when the information is received about a change of plans. The Asset is shuffled off to the SHIELD's Triskelion for damage control, even as the scientists insist the Asset needs more recuperation for the new task.
“Asset. Status.”
The Asset is not functioning at the highest capacity but is functional. They release the Asset for briefing on route towards the new Mission: protect the Helicarriers and stop a man with the shield, the Captain, and his two allies; the Widow, Natalia Romanova, and a winged veteran, Samuel Wilson.
The mission goes smoothly. Taking out the Triskelion rebel pilots is done with efficiency. The Asset commandeers a Shield jet to fly to the third Helicarrier and ensure Hydra’s victory. The Asset notes the water below. Something about it registers fear. The emotion is discarded. Useless.
The Asset cannot shake the thought of the river’s quiet before the storm. That there is something watching from below. Waiting.
___
The Asset lies in wait for the Captain and the man with wings, Samuel Wilson. Once they round the corner the Asset gains the upper hand on the targets when he slams the Captain off the edge and swiftly tosses the other behind to reduce any chance of rescue. The man recovers easily, swiftly aiming and shooting which drives the Asset to take cover. When the winged man flies to once again help the Captain, the Asset takes the opening to shoot a hook into the wings and slam him back onto the floor before proceeding to rip the wing off. A thrill of childish satisfaction goes through the Asset, mixed with a helping of guilt. A fight between ‘if I can’t fly, neither should he’ and the destruction of the wings.
They are both trapped now.
The Asset does not fail. The Asset will not falter. The Asset charges and sends the man over the edge with a kick, watching as he falls and notes that something in the Asset falls with him.
He stalls there until movement- the Captain- catches his eye. The Captain is heading towards the control systems. The Asset resumes the mission. Intercept the Captain at the control systems and eliminate all threats to HYDRA.
___
The Asset waits there, guarding and preparing when the Captain halts his advance, spotting the Asset at last. The Captain stares for a moment and proceeds to talk. Conversation is useless. Bargaining is useless. The Asset cannot be reasoned with. The Asset does not fail.
But the Asset waits. The Asset is not sure… why. The Asset should protect the remaining mission by eliminating threats, but the Asset waits… until the Captain finally attacks.
It is a brutal trading of blows. The Asset is lagging in function and the Captain is not. He presses on and despite his reluctance, is redirecting the Asset’s attacks and fighting with a strong defense. He uses the Asset’s momentum to unbalance and take advantage of weak points to land blows. Despite his own advantages in the fight, the Captain hesitates during moments of finishing the Asset.
The Asset is lagging but the Asset does not falter. Gaining the chip the Captain wants seems to break the man’s hesitation and he finally pushes his advantage to dislocate the Asset’s shoulder and pins the Asset in a choke hold. The Asset struggles and eventually feels his own body shutdown as his vision goes dark.
___
Then he wakes. He stares at the ceiling for a moment before he hears the Captain grunting, making his way back up to the control panel. The Asset moves to complete the Mission.
The Asset shoots.
Hits.
The Captain grunts at the blow but continues on.
Another shot.
Another hit.
Another moment before the Captain continues.
One more and the Captain finally slumps. Right at the control panel.
The Asset cannot see if the target is dead from this angle and forces his body into movement. He is functional, but his body is falling. He refuses to fail.
He hears movement a moment later and then the Captain shouts something and the Helicarrier lurches, throwing him off kilter against the side of the ship. He’s on the ground when a support structure falls, and is pinned before he is able to roll out of it’s path.
The Asset screams as he lifts futilely, willing his body to remove the wreckage. The Captain approaches and the Asset cannot escape. He watches, from within himself as his body frantically struggles to remove the debris.
Once the Captain gets close enough, he removes the weight as the Asset scrambles out. He stares at the flooring, feeling the Captain’s eyes on him, trying to think. Trying to readjust his mission with the Helicarrier falling apart around him. He has failed.
“You know me.”
The words ignite a fury in the Asset and he launches himself at the Captain. Sloppy. There is no mission. He has failed. This time though, the Asset will not fail to kill the Captain. He is trying to distract the Asset with words and pleas. They part and the Captain takes a moment to remove his helmet; to drop his shield. The Asset sees the shield fall through the bottom of broken glass and disappear with the wreckage.
“I won’t fight you. You’re my friend.”
The Asset goes to finish him. He is confused. Angry. The mission is lost, and… the Asset is malfunctioning.
“You’re my Mission.”
It takes the Asset a beat to recognize his own voice over his punches. After the sixth, he raises the metal fist his metal fist and cannot bring it to comply. Weak.
“Then finish it. Cause I’m with you ‘til- the end of the line.”
The Asset cannot, will not move.
Another crash as the Helicarrier folds in on itself and the Asset grabs a structure beam to hold himself up as the ground gives way and falls. The Asset lets the man, his Mission fall with it. The Asset is malfunctioning. He watches for a moment as his Mission disappears into the disturbed water below before he lets himself fall after him.
The Asset thinks of the man with the broken wings as he squints against the wind.
He thought there would be more fear in falling.
Then he wonders what is worse, to have never flown, or to have and live with losing your wings.
Neither the Asset or his Mission know how to fly.
Neither know how to float.
They both sink into the water.
He swims for his Mission, metal hand grabbing onto the straps of the other’s suit when a voice appears. He squints against water’s murk, instinctively waits even if he is losing breath. Even as he loses the direction of sunlight, he must wait. The voice sings to the Asset as the water continues to be disturbed by the wreckage around them, by the Asset’s failure. It sings and cradles him and tells him he can rest now. A thought passes in the back of his mind, in a moment of complete clarity. The water is not still enough. The mirror isn’t perfect. The surface holds no reflection of him. The voice pierces through his thoughts. It has adapted.
A sting of ice water fills the Asset’s lungs but he talks through it. He tells the voice it can have him, it can have his life, but save… save the Mission. He pleads as his mother once pleaded. The voice agrees. It asks him for his name and the Asset thinks ‘I don't know’ before he fades.
___
Except it’s not black. There is no darkness as before. He knows the wind brushes against his cheeks but it is an echo of reality. He feels life flow through his bones without having it touch. He is empty but he relaxes into the warmth of nothingness. He is content with the ceased whirlwind of his mind. He relaxes with the loss of expectations he held on his shoulders, buried in his spine, clawing at his ribs. The Asset feels the lack of feeling and rejoices.
He does not know how long he stays there. He wishes he was allowed to remain. He is never allowed to remain.
He feels ice again and panics. It’s grip is strong on his right arm and he cannot break it, no matter how he thrashes and screams. He is failing.
A familiar warmth blooms from his left arm that stills him. In his stupor, he stares at the glowing limb that has grasped his metal arm, firm but incredibly gentle. The grip gives one soft squeeze and then he is lifted from the water.
His lungs spasm as they shift back to breathing air. He blinks past the water stuck to his lashes and squints up at an upside-down face that’s haloed by sunlight. His eyes sting, desperately trying to adjust to the brightness that hurts. He needs to see. He cannot look away again because what if he cannot look back and it all disappears. There’s an echo of a voice berating him but he cannot bring himself to care anymore.
He wants.
The haloed man looks away from him and says, “Okay. This is the weirdest shit I have ever seen,” and it takes three more blinks for the Asset to realize he recognizes the man’s voice as the winged man.
The Asset then follows the man’s gaze and finds… himself.
The other-him cocks his head to the side and there is something distinctly wrong in the air around him. Something about him creates an itch underneath the Asset’s skin but it’s not until his eyes land on the other-him’s right arm to realize why. The arm is metal.
The Asset stills and looks between the other’s two arms. Left, flesh and right, metal.
“I am the Asset now.” His own voice comes from it’s mouth as it speaks. There’s an undertone of song in its words that tries to distract from the danger he knows it possesses.
“You must be someone else,” it continues and drops pieces of torn Shield uniforms with the logo painted over with Hydra’s symbol. The cracks and colors indicate the paint is blood.
“There are more,” the other-him croons as it stands. It’s right hand shines in the sunshine, and it gives a smile that spreads just a little too wide and saunters away.
“They are mine.”
It takes a few moments of listening to the ambiance of nature before both he and the winged man give a full body shiver.
“I’m Sam by the way,” the haloed man, the man that wings he took, Samuel, Sam, says. “And I think we should really think about leaving before whatever the fuck that was, decides to come back.”
He looks at Sam and nods. Sam helps him up, but is quick to put space in between them once they’re both standing. He looks down at himself and can’t stop thinking about how the heart has taken his form, his voice, his rage even, but it still let him go.