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This kid is going to be the death of me.
That thought ran through Captain Bobby Nash’s mind a minimum of ten times a day when he was on shift. It had only been three months since his newest recruit had walked in during a team dinner and introduced himself as ‘Buck.’ In that time, Bobby had experienced a vast range of emotions in regard to him.
Although he’d known him for only a short while, Bobby would tell that there were many sides to Evan Buckley. There was, of course, the most obvious one, the one he was sure was mostly a façade. To the casual eye, Buck seemed like a cocky, self-assured, reckless womanizer. But there was more to him than that. As the weeks wore on, Bobby caught brief glimpses of the shy, nervous kid hiding behind that brash front, tagging along right at his heels, desperate for approval. Hen sometimes jokingly compared Buck to a puppy and, privately, he thought she wasn’t that far off.
And then there was the side that almost no one saw. It was the side that Bobby suspected Buck tried the most to hide. It came out, occasionally, on particularly stressful calls. Usually Buck was all confidence and bravado when heading into danger, flashing a bright smile at scared victims with casual assurances. Sometimes, however, the mask slipped. He’d seen it a few times while Buck was in the thick of it. His voice would soften and, for the duration of the rescue, he’d form a bond with the victim. There were times Buck could talk someone down in a way that none of the others could, his eyes bright with warmth and compassion. But then, realizing that he’d let his walls down, Buck would slam the mask back in place. He’d laugh and brush of the praises on a job well done, almost as if he was afraid of that kind of connection, as if it were something to be feared. To most anyone, it would seem as though those calls didn’t matter to him, didn’t affect him, but Bobby knew. It was why, even on his worst day, Bobby couldn’t bring himself to be too hard on Buck. Beneath the attitude and the lack of discipline, there was a good man, he was sure of it. It became almost like a personal challenge for him to draw that side out whenever possible.
The team loved Buck. They had since they’d first met him and, he suspected that Hen and Chimney could also see the other sides of him. To them, Buck had become something of a little brother, and they’d taken to him faster than any other recruit. To Bobby…well, Bobby didn’t know what to call their relationship. He was Buck’s captain, so there was always a certain amount of professional distance, but Bobby couldn’t deny that he had a soft spot for the boy. Through the team meals, movie nights, and cooking lessons, they’d developed an easy, comfortable rapport that just felt…right. It was something Bobby hadn’t felt since Minnesota, a warm affection and deep protectiveness that was almost paternal. He always stopped at that, not quite ready to go there. Buck was not his kid. This was not his family. But…
It had seemed like a straightforward call. They were responding to a medical emergency following a home invasion. The police had cleared the scene and had requested an RA unit to evaluate the homeowner’s injuries. The victim, an older gentleman with some minor defensive injuries, seemed more embarrassed than anything, so Bobby stepped back to give him some space, pulling Buck along with him.
“Not much for you guys to do, is there?” A familiar voice called warmly. Bobby glanced up and smiled.
“Sergeant Grant. Nice to see you again.” He greeted, holding out a hand.
“Captain Nash.” Athena shook it and raised an eyebrow. “You’re not planning on handing me any more chickens are you?” Bobby chuckled and gave her a small shrug.
“You never know.”
“Ummm…chickens?” Buck spoke up for the first time, aware that he was missing something. Athena gave him a considering look.
“Bring your kid to work day, Captain?” She asked. Bobby snorted, ignoring the twinge in his chest.
“Sergeant, meet Evan Buckley. He’s our new recruit.”
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.” Buck grinned, looking uncharacteristically nervous.
“Hmmmm…Buckley.” She repeated the name, analyzing Buck carefully. “Welcome to the team.” She was smiling, but Bobby could tell she was still appraising him.
Buck seemed uncomfortable with the scrutiny and he fidgeted in place, glancing over at Hen and Chim. Bobby found the whole thing very amusing. Buck looked about two seconds from wringing his hands when Chimney mentioned something about needing to see some of the prescriptions the victim kept upstairs. Buck perked up and ran off.
“I got it Chim! Medicine cabinet? Be right back!” Before anyone could say anything, he was bounding up the stairs.
“He always like that?” Athena asked, pointing a thumb in the direction he’d just gone. Bobby smirked.
“Not usually. I don’t think he was prepared for the full Athena Grant evaluation.”
“And what about the Bobby Nash Evaluation? He pass? Do you trust him to have your back?” Athena’s eyes sparked with something he couldn’t quite identify.
“Buck’s got a lot to learn, but he’s a good kid. He’s coming along nicely.” Bobby assured her.
“If you’re sure. He been on the job long?” Bobby shook his head.
“Nah, he’s just a few months out of the academy. We’re still-“ A loud shout from the upstairs cut Bobby off. It was immediately followed by a heavy thud.
“The hell was that?” Athena already had her gun out, waving Bobby back as she mounted the stairs. He ignored her and followed closely behind, motioning for Hen and Chim to stay put. Once on the second floor, Athena swept her weapon from side to side. “Buckley? It’s Sergeant Grant. Are you okay?” She called, voice loud and steady. No one answered.
“Buck?” Bobby earned a sharp glare from Athena, but he didn’t care. Something wasn’t right. They had just rounded the corner into the bedroom when the world seemed to drop out from under him. “Buck!” Buck lay collapsed in a heap on the clean white carpeting. His eyes were closed and a small trickle of blood streamed down the side of his face.
“This is 727L30. I’m at 413 Sycamore Lane. Requesting immediate police and RA backup to a home invasion. Suspect is on location. We have a firefighter down.” Athena ordered over her radio as she searched the rest of the floor. Bobby was already on his knees, finger’s fumbling for a pulse. It took a moment, but he finally found the steady thrum of a heartbeat.
“Buck? Buck, can you hear me?” Bobby took Buck’s face in his hands and lightly tapped his cheeks. His head lolled to side, but his eyes remained stubbornly closed.
“House is clear.” Athena announced. “Looks like the perp went out the back window. Want me to grab one of your guys?” Bobby nodded distractedly and she headed off.
“Come on, kid. Wake up for me.” He pleaded. A minute later, Athena returned with Chim.
“What do we got?” He asked tersely.
“Blunt force trauma to the right temple. Pulse is strong and breathing is steady, but he’s not waking up.” Bobby relayed. Chim frowned and carefully probed the wound.
“No obvious skull fracture. Pupils look good.” He noted as Bobby pressed a wad of gauze to the area. Chim ran through a few more checks. “BP and O2 sats are good too.” Athena’s radio squawked and she listened for a moment.
“Second ambulance is five minutes out.” She said quietly.
“Okay, Buckaroo.” Chim muttered as he rubbed his knuckles along Buck’s sternum. “Time to wake up.” After a moment, Buck twitched and groaned, one hand flopping weakly onto his chest.
“There we go.” Bobby coached. “You with us, Buck?” Buck’s eyes fluttered open slowly, dull and unfocused.
“Mmmmmmm…” He hummed. It wasn’t much of a response, but Bobby would take it, even if it did little to ease the pounding in his chest.
“Hey, buddy.” Chim turned Buck’s head toward him, trying to catch his eye. “Can you hear me? Can you talk?” Buck blinked slowly up at him for few seconds.
“M’on the floor.” He mumbled. “Why…floor?”
“You were attacked on a call, Buck. You have a head injury.” Explained Bobby as he rubbed a thumb across Buck’s jaw. Slowly, Buck rolled his head over to look up at his captain.
“Oh. You…’kay?” He asked, somewhat distantly. Bobby huffed out a small, sad laugh.
“Yeah, kid, I’m okay. Worried about you, though. How are you feeling?” Buck considered, but after a few seconds, he seemed to drift. Chim shared a look with Bobby before giving Buck a small shake.
“Buck, I need to ask you a few questions. Can you tell me your full name?”
“Ummm…Evan Buckley.” Chim smiled.
“Good. What year is it?”
“Twenty…” Buck had to think for a moment. “Seventeen?” Chim nodded and ran through a few more. Buck answered slowly, but he seemed aware enough to assuage most of their fears. Even so, it was disconcerting to see him so out of it. Buck was like energy personified and seeing him so still and quiet was frightening.
“Okay, Chim.” Bobby turned to the paramedic when he’d finished. “What’s the verdict?”
“Well,” Chim sighed, clapping a hand on Buck’s shoulder, “he’s definitely concussed and will need some stitches and scans, but I don’t think there’s anything too worrisome. I think he just got his bell rung pretty good, right Buckaroo?”
“Huh?” Buck glanced up at his name, clearly having zoned out of the conversation.
“Nothing, Buck. Just relax for a bit and we’ll get you to the hospital.” Bobby murmured.
“Did you…there was a man…he was going to…” Buck trailed off, but his eyes cast around lazily for someone. Athena, who until now had been standing at a distance, joined them on the floor.
“He’s gone, hon. You’re safe now.” She promised, giving his ankle a gentle squeeze. Bobby noted the definite shift in her tone from earlier, but he filed it away.
“S’good.” Buck answered as his lids drooped shut.
“Whoa whoa whoa! Nope. Eyes open, man, come on.” Chim shook him a little.
“You know the drill, kid. You stay awake until the doctor clears you.” Bobby’s tone was gentle, but it was pitched as an order. Dazed as he was, Bobby still caught a flash of that same, desperate need for approval in Buck’s eyes.
“Trying.”
“Hey, Buckaroo.” Hen called softly from the doorway, backboard in hand. “Athena, your backup is here and the scene is secure. The second ambulance is here to take care of Mr. Grealy. That leaves us free to take Buck.”
“What do you say, probie? You ready to get out of here?” Chim asked, ruffling his hair affectionately.
“Y-yeah. M’ready….where we goin’?” Buck asked, blinking up at them with innocent confusion. Bobby squeezed his hand while Hen set about preparing the cervical collar.
“The hospital, Buck.” He reminded.
“Oh…right.” Buck winced as Hen secured the straps. It broke Bobby’s heart to see him looking so lost and in pain.
“Is there anyone we can call for you?”
“No, s’nobody. Just me. M’alone.” Buck mumbled solemnly.
“Not today. Not anymore.” Bobby said firmly. It took a moment, but Buck met his eyes.
“I don’t…what?”
“You don’t actually think I’m leaving you, right?”
“Well, I thought…” Buck trailed off. “You’d really stay?”
“Psh, like you’re getting rid of us.” Hen chimed in.
“We’re really staying. I promise.” Bobby confirmed.
“I hate to break up this little Hallmark moment,” Athena cut in, “but if you wanna get this boy to the hospital before he passes out, I suggest you leave soon. He looks about done in.” She paused. “Also, your blocking my cruiser.” She smiled fondly at Buck and gave Bobby a playful swat on the shoulder before sauntering out of the room.
It was strange, Bobby thought, to be in a room with Evan Buckley and have it be silent. In the three months since he had joined the team, there hadn’t really been a moment of true quiet. Bobby didn’t see this as a bad thing, though. Rather, he found himself liking the way Buck could talk about anything and everything. The kid was always laughing and joking or spouting off random facts. There could be no doubt that the firehouse had been brighter and the shifts more joyful since his arrival.
So to be in a hospital room with no sound other than the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor and Buck’s soft breathing…well, it was just odd.
Buck had managed to stay awake for the duration of the ambulance ride, but he’d been miserable. The bumpy roads had only served to aggravate his already throbbing head and the pain and nausea had left him pale and sick. Bobby had held his hand the entire time, whispering soothing words and providing what little comfort he could. They’d barely made it past the ER doors when Buck finally passed out. Thankfully, his scans had cleared him of any life-threatening injury and the doctors had been able to rouse him enough to determine that while his concussion was painful, he would only need to stay the night.
Bobby wasn’t sure when he decided that he would be staying the night too, but here he was, eight hours and five cups of horrible coffee later, still sitting in the uncomfortable chair long after Hen and Chim had gone home. In truth, staying here, even given the circumstances, was still better than returning to his empty apartment. The quiet here was different the quiet there. There, it was oppressive, almost damning as it reminded him of his sins. Here, it was reflective. Here, he could pause for a minute and think without a judgement, without guilt. Watching Buck sleep, Bobby allowed himself to entertain the idea of being happy again. Here was someone, one of the few good things he had in his life. This team, this job, they meant something. What, though, he wasn’t sure. A chance to start over?
“Mmmmmmmppphhhhh….” Bobby’s head shot up as a soft groan from the bed pulled him from his thoughts.
“Hey, kiddo. You waking up?”
“Huh…wha-Bobby?”
“Right here, Buck.” Bobby smiled and gave his arm a light squeeze. “How are you feeling?” Buck didn’t answer immediately, blinking up at him with wide eyes. “Buck?”
“You…you stayed.” Maybe it was the head injury or residual exhaustion, but the surprise and vulnerability in his voice was jarring. Bobby wasn’t sure how to react.
“I stayed.” He said with a nod. “I made a promise, didn’t I?”
“Guess you did, Cap.” Buck smiled faintly. It was small, but it lit up the room.
Thinking back on the day, Bobby realized he didn’t know much of anything about Buck’s past and Buck knew nothing about his. They’d both come here for something. To rebuild. To try again. To start over.