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Dear Legosi,
I don’t know when it started or how it began. However, I don’t believe I need to. It’s enough for me to just know it exists, everlasting, never changing.
It didn’t just hit me one moment. It was so natural in it’s progression I hardly recognized what was happening.
Maybe it was the night of your fight with Riz. Before that night, I had no idea what to think of you. You absolutely defied my every expectation of what I believed a carnivore to be.
You exceeded them.
You taught me that carnivores aren’t always bloodthirsty monsters. You taught me that sometimes their hearts are good and pure.
I remember that day I cornered you in my office. It feels like years ago, and, well, it was, but it seems more like an eternity. So many things have changed, yet many things are still the same.
But that day, you told me that my strength mattered because I was an herbivore, and I knew that, however it felt so different coming from you. I was infuriated by it. You are everything I ever wanted to be, yet you never even tried to use your strength.
I understand why, now. You never wanted to hurt anyone, and you were so scared that one day you would and you’d never be able to forgive yourself.
And you have changed in so many ways.
I told you to own up to your strength, and you did. I’m proud of you, for that, in a strange way.
I remember what you said to me when I showed you the tower they held ‘livestock’ in. The tower where I was raised to be meat on a carnivore’s plate.
You told me that we can take responsibility for each other. It felt like you meant something more. I thought, just for a moment, that maybe, just maybe, you saw me the way I saw you.
Your chimera—it’s a hybrid between a wolf and a rabbit. Knowing that grounded me, in a way. It forced me to realize that I was idiotic for thinking for even a second that you would ever look at me the way you look at her.
I don’t believe I’ve told you this, but ever since you ate my leg, I’ve felt this weird phantom pain every time you’re in danger. I don’t think I could distance myself from you even if I tried.
I worry about you. A lot. It’s strange, because I don’t think I’ve ever cared so deeply for someone. But you—you mean something to me.
I broke up with Juno the other day. Well, I don’t even know if you could technically call it a breakup. It doesn’t feel like we were ever dating.
I saw you, in her, I think. You two are hardly anything alike, yet I still pursued her. I was trying to make sense of everything, and I truly didn’t want to hurt her.
She refuses to talk to me now, but I hope one day we can be friends.
As I sit here writing this letter, I am reminded of the kind of person you are. You are caring and thoughtful, gentle and compassionate, yet aggressive and strong when you have to be.
Your thoughtfulness shows a lot more than the aggressiveness.
I was cold one winter afternoon. We were walking around the city, talking just to talk to someone. I hadn’t expected it to be as cold as it was, so I wasn’t dressed appropriately. You must’ve seen me shiver, because the next thing I knew your sweater was around my shoulders, and you were softly scolding me for not preparing.
I looked at you that moment, and I forgot how to breathe. Since then, I know why Haru could so easily get lost in you. I know why she loves you now. I think I have for a long time too, I just didn’t know what to say or how to form the words.
Yet, here I am, writing this letter because I decided that this was the only way I could.
That sweater you gave me that day—you gave it to Haru too. She showed me a picture of how it draped across her small frame, and it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest.
It’s just polyester. That sweater shouldn’t have meant as much to me as it did. Yet once again, I am reminded of how my feelings are unrequited.
Some nights, when I am all alone in my room and can’t seem to fall asleep, I find myself wishing I were Haru.
Or, at least, I wish I was in Haru’s position. I want to know what it feels like, to be so purely in love and to be so cherished by the one you love. I am quite envious of her.
When you read this, don’t pity me. You know I hate that. It’s good enough for me that we are friends, and that you will always be by my side. It’s okay that it’s not how I wish it was.
I could keep talking about this for hours. I could talk about everything I love about you. I love the way your tail wags when you see me. I love the way you always seem to understand me even if I don’t understand myself. I love how kind and gentle you are. You’re amazing, and you’re one of the only people I feel truly vulnerable with. And, yes, that’s a good thing, I believe. Loving you has always come so easy to me. I could go on for hours and I wouldn’t run out of things to say, but this is where I wrap this confession up.
Thank you, Legosi, for teaching me how to love someone. You will always have a special place in my heart, behind the walls.
I love you.
Sincerely,
Louis
P.S. This is meant to be romantically. I know you’re the type of wolf to think it would be platonic.
The clink of a pen being set down was the only noise to be heard in Louis’s bedroom. He stared at his letter, rereading every line to make sure he said exactly what he needed to say.
He should throw it away. Burn it. Legosi would never have to see it, never have to reject him, and he would never know it existed.
However, Louis the red deer was not a coward in that regard. He may not be incredibly experienced in the ways of love, but if he didn’t say something now, it’d just get worse. He would spiral and it’d all come spilling out at an incredibly inconvenient time.
Sighing, Louis stood up, checking one last time to make sure the ink was dry before folding the letter. He carefully placed it into a grey envelope before writing Legosi’s name on the back of it.
‘This is going to have to do,’ he thought, gently holding the envelope and heading out the door.
There was a lot of risk in such a small letter. Louis was fairly certain he wouldn’t be able to look Legosi in the eye after sending the letter his way.
Was he a homewrecker for doing this? Can it even be classified as homewrecking if the person you’re home wrecking doesn’t return the feelings? Everything felt so strange, like it wasn’t supposed to be happening.
Likely because it wasn’t. He should just turn around, head back home, throw away the letter, and never mention a single thing about it ever agai—
“Oh, Louis, I didn’t expect to run into you here,” Louis’s face quickly morphed into one of bewilderment and regret. If he turned around, he’d be met with the face of a wolf he was about to confess his feelings for in written form. Legosi’s voice seemed happy enough, and if Louis listened closely he could distantly hear the air being displaced by his wagging tail.
Slowly, as to avoid suspicion, Louis turned around, eyes meeting Legosi’s. The wolf was in his work uniform that afternoon, though he wasn’t holding an order so Louis assumed his shift was done. Legosi’s eyes shifted to meet the small envelope with his name on it in Louis’s hands, eyes widening for a moment.
‘Damnit.’ Louis thought to himself, glancing between the envelope and Legosi. ‘I forgot to hide it…’
“Is that for me?” Legosi said, looking down at Louis and pointing to himself. Louis’s eyes narrowed at the question.
“No. I met another animal named Legosi.” Louis said in a deadpan voice. Legosi, oblivious as ever, nodded in acceptance. Louis sighed. “Of course it’s for you, you dumb wolf.”
Legosi’s eyes widened a bit, tail wagging a bit more excitedly than before. Louis extended the envelope into Legosi’s hands, practically shoving it there. He never wanted to look at that letter again for as long as he shall live. Legosi accepted the envelope, eyes scanning it.
“Do you want me to read it now?” The wolf asked. Louis’s mouth hung open for a moment, unsure of what to say.
What did he want? What was he even expecting to come out of this? This was all so idiotic, and he never should’ve even written it if he knew that Legosi would never, quite possibly ever, feel the same wa—
“Absolutely not,” Louis said decidedly. Legosi gave him a confused look, and then glanced back down at the envelope.
“Well, alright. Is it important? Do I like…need to get back to you on this?” The wolf asked. Louis decided to ignore the first part of his sentence.
“Preferably, yes,” Louis said, looking anywhere but at Legosi. Was he actually doing this? Right now?
“Okay, I’ll write back to you then,” Legosi said, a small determined smile forming on his face. Louis simply stared at Legosi for a moment before breaking into a soft chuckle.
“Do you even know how to write a letter?” the deer asked, a smug grin forming on his face. Legosi’s ears drooped in response, pouting a bit. It was incredibly strange to see a wolf of Legosi’s size pout, but the gray wolf had a way of making it look…cute.
“You don’t give me enough credit, Louis,” the wolf said, looking back down to the letter in his hand. The deer raised his arms defensively, smirking.
The two spared a goodbye and parted ways, leaving Louis to his thoughts once more.
He could almost see the letter now. Words of gentle rejection adorned with sloppy handwriting, a reassurance that they could still be friends and nothing had to change.
He’d be okay with that, he told himself. He’d be okay.
————————————————————
Turning the keys to his apartment door, Legosi shuffled inside, closing the door behind him. His room was a mess, though that seemed to be the norm. Clothes were everywhere, an empty box of pizza could be spotted on his bed, and his bedsheets were strewn all over.
It was chaos, but Legosi quite liked his apartment. It felt more homey and lived in than his dorm at Cherryton, and he could decorate it however he pleased. There were pictures of the most important people in his life anywhere he could find fit—there were single pictures each dedicated to Haru, the room 701 canines, his neighbors, Gosha, most of the drama club members. Hell, even Yafya had a picture.
However, there was one picture out of the bunch that Legosi held close to his heart. It was his favorite out of all of them, and he had framed it instead of pinning it on a wall like he did with all the others.
A slender deer reached out his hand to a large but timid wolf, their bodies outlined by a spotlight. Their hands connected represented many things; on the surface level, their relationship changing, but deeper, it proved the coexistence of herbivores and carnivores can be a beautiful thing.
He and Louis had changed so much since then. The Legosi he used to be would have never had the courage to do what he does now, and Legosi always gave some credit to Louis for that.
Oh, right. Louis. Legosi had gotten completely sidetracked and forgotten about the letter Louis had given him.
Sitting down on his futon, Legosi used a sharp claw to cut across the envelope, careful not to cut the letter. The wolf opened the flap, and saw a piece of parchment folded up.
Gently, Legosi took the letter out of the envelope, unfolding it to read its contents. His eyes scanned the lines, making sure he was reading every word correctly. He had no idea what Louis was going on about at first, but it was around halfway through that his jaw dropped in shock.
He set down the letter for a moment, taking everything in. ‘If Louis means what I think he means here, then…’ Legosi picked the letter back up, continuing from where he had left.
‘Thank you, Legosi, for teaching me how to love someone. You will always have a special place in my heart, behind the walls.
I love you.
Sincerely,
Louis
P.S. This is meant to be romantically. I know you’re the type of wolf to think it would be platonic.’
Louis’s neat handwriting was carefully etched into the paper, every word having a meaning and conveying what he wanted Legosi to know.
And Legosi couldn’t believe it.
After everything?
After Legosi had eaten his leg, dragging Louis into the mess that was his life.
He…loved him. Louis the red deer loved him.
Legosi was a bit lost, if he did say so himself. When did that happen?
‘Ah, Louis sort of answered that in his letter…’ the wolf said, reviewing the letter once more.
Suddenly, his face broke out into one of determination. He grabbed a piece of paper, a pen, and got to work.
—————————————————
Dear Louis,
Isn’t it a bit funny that letters start with ‘dear’? Especially because I’m writing to you? Because…you’re a deer? However, I think it’s supposed to mean that the one you’re writing to is dear to you, which also makes sense. You are dear to me.
Anyways, you were right. I don’t know how to write a letter. Even now, as an adult living on his own, I have to have my neighbor, Sebun, help me format it. She is excellent at this adult stuff, though she does have more experience than me. I…kinda told her about everything. Well, most things. Please don’t be mad at me, she’s helping me write this.
I will try my best to address everything. You had a lot to say.
I remember most times with you fondly. I hope you do as well.
My favorite moment with you, though, has to be the Adler performance, even if you were really mad at me afterwards. I have the picture framed in my apartment, actually.
It was that moment you brought me into the light. Don’t get me wrong here, I much prefer the shadows. If I could hold the spotlight on you for the rest of my life, that’d be fine by me. However, thank you for giving me a glimpse as to what the spotlight is like. It must be stressful. I was sweaty just being on stage. I really don’t know how you do it. You’re amazing at it, though.
When we were at the tower you were raised in…I still regret how I responded. You needed someone to comfort you, and I couldn’t do that for you. I know canines are supposed to be sociable, but it’s not in my blood. I meant what I said. We can take responsibility for each other, Louis. I will gladly give all of me to you as long as you are willing to do the same.
About my chimera…I think it’s changed? I’m not sure, it looks different. Not much like a rabbit anymore.
Louis, I should’ve told you sooner, but Haru and I didn’t work out.
It took a major toll on me. I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone at all. However, I ran into Juno the other day, and she had the same story. Well, maybe not on the same level, but the same story nonetheless. She is incredibly mad at you. I hope one day she does understand. It was nice to talk to her, knowing we were in the same situation.
I hope Haru and I breaking apart is for the best in the long run. Her life is already constantly in danger. With how hectic and crazy my life is now, she’d be a target if I were on someone’s bad side. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her, or you.
Don’t worry about me, Louis. I know I do a lot of dangerous things and I know it probably makes you scared but I promise I know what I’m doing most of the time. You mean a lot to me too, Louis. I couldn’t imagine my life without you because I wouldn’t be where I am without you.
While I write this letter, I am enveloped in your scent and it’s hard to think of anything other than you. Did you start wearing a new cologne? Your scent is a bit different.
Louis, you are one of the greatest animals I’ve ever had the opportunity to meet. You’re amazing. You are strong in ways I wish I could be, and you are incredibly brave for being able to stand your ground how you always have. I’ve always admired you for that, and I will continue to. Don’t wish you were Haru. Please. You’re Louis the red deer and that’s enough. You’re enough.
I’m flattered to be the one you love, out of all the animals in the world. I wonder why you chose this nobody wolf when you’re this outstanding animal. It doesn’t make sense to me, but then again love doesn’t have to make sense.
I know why Haru and Juno fell for you. I know why everytime I look at you, because when I look at you I see an animal who has gone through so many hardships but has the courage to stand strong. I don’t think you think that about yourself. I wish you did.
I’m not ready. For a relationship, or anything more than what we have right now, Louis. I’m sorry.
I believe I might’ve harbored some feelings for you for a while as well. I think I was just scared, so I buried them far down because I thought you’d never love someone like me. I already had Haru, so I convinced myself I was happy.
Maybe one day. One day we will sort this out, and we’ll be happy.
Until then…please wait for me, Louis.
Yours truly,
Legosi
P.S. I am still deeply sorry for eating your leg. It’s a part of you you’ll never get back. I caused you so much pain. I am so sorry. That spiritual connection…can you like, sense when I’m in danger now? If we were Beastars, that’d be incredibly helpful.
P.P.S. I still have that sweater if you’d like to have it.
Legoshi drew his pen back from the paper, finally finished with his letter. Sebun sighed beside him, reading through it.
“Did you say everything you needed to?” she asked, checking to make sure the ink was dry.
“Yeah, I think so,” the two animals were sitting on Legosi’s futon, Sebun helping the wolf write his letter. “Thank you for helping me, Sebun.”
The worn futon creaked as Sebun stood up to grab a red envelope. The small herbivore smiled at Legosi, carefully putting the letter in the envelope.
“You’re welcome, Legosi,” she said, handing the envelope to the gray wolf. “I’ll be heading out now. Good luck!” Sebun called, waving as she walked out the door. Legosi could vaguely hear pitiful mutterings of how ‘a horny young wolf has a better love life than her’ as he waved goodbye. He glanced down at the envelope, turning it to the back to write Louis’s name on it.
Grabbing his apartment keys, Legosi headed out the door with the sealed envelope in his hand. There was a counter at the Hidden Condo where letters could be shipped off, so it wasn’t too much of a walk to mail off a letter.
“Hello! What can I do for you today?” a chipper pelican asked Legosi. The gray wolf was slightly taken aback by the bird’s cheerfulness.
“Oh, I’m here to mail a letter,” Legosi said, shifting where he stood. Even after moving in on his own, his social problems remained.
“Alright! Could I get an address for the letter?” the pelican asked, typing away at a computer. ‘Address…?’ Legosi thought to himself, brows furrowed. ‘I don’t know his address.’
“Uh…Horns…Conglomerate?” Legosi said, confused. The pelican seemed confused as well for a moment, looking Legosi up and down before typing something on her computer and turning back to him to take the letter.
“Alright! Your letter is in good hands, it should arrive at Horns Conglomerate in a day or so. Have a great day!” the chipper pelican said, waving goodbye as Legosi made his way back up to his apartment.
Suddenly, reality seemed to all come crashing down on Legosi.
Had he actually just sent that letter? Did Louis the red deer really confess he loved him in written form? What were his feelings towards Louis anyways?
Wait…did Louis the red deer actually say in written form that he was in love with Legosi the gray wolf? Did that actually happen?
Legosi could’ve sworn he was in a dream at that moment. It didn’t quite feel real. It felt like everything was happening almost all at once, and he didn’t know how to react or what to feel.
The gray wolf closed the door to his apartment, walking over to his futon and promptly falling down into it. He laid there, face in the sheets for a second, not moving at all.
Suddenly, his face broke out into a small smile, and then a grin, and then little bubbles of laughter spilled from his mouth. Legosi turned to lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling.
That moment, Legosi realized he was happy. A lot happier than he had ever been before.
He was a mess. He had no idea what was going on in his life anymore, but he was certain he wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Legosi hoped Louis could wait for him. It was a selfish thought, but he’d always been a selfish wolf.