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“Can we please have the grooms on the floor for the first dance?” Wymack called.
Nicky’s wolf-whistle was cut short by a wheeze when Aaron buried an elbow in his side as Neil and Andrew stood. Neil hoped Andrew knew how grateful he was for this, but Andrew wouldn’t meet his eyes, instead looking straight ahead as he walked the few steps to the small makeshift dance floor.
The two had decided against a wedding ceremony; they didn’t have enough people to justify such a large event and they had already made every promise they needed in the time they had been together. Most of their vows were unspoken, and none needed an audience. Neil had talked Andrew into a small celebration, though. Their few guests waited outside the courtroom earlier that morning while Andrew and Neil filled out the marriage paperwork and cheered when they walked out hand in hand. They had all walked the few blocks to the small venue together.
The celebration took place in a room with two tables. A circular table was to one side of the room surrounded by nine chairs, each of which sat a Fox. The upperclassmen and Andrew’s lot sat clustered to either side of Andrew and Neil, but there was no strained gap between the two like at the beginning of Neil’s freshman year. Across from the cleared area of the room that acted as the dancefloor was a longer table which sat Wymack, who the Foxes had voted as the event’s DJ, Abby, and Betsy. At the end of that table sat a relatively small cake, which Renee and Allison had insisted on baking themselves. Neil was hesitant to taste it, but he could see the pride the two girls eyed it with as they held hands on the other side of the room.
Andrew finally turned toward Neil as they reached the middle of the floor, and Neil waited for Andrew to signal how he wanted to dance. He easily guided Neil’s left hand to the small of Andrew’s back and held out Neil’s right hand with his own, resting his other hand on Neil’s shoulder. The two of them started swaying as Wymack started the song Neil had selected.
As the soft guitar started, Andrew looked into Neil’s eyes for a moment, before his face broke into an unwilling but genuine smile.
“Oh, you sappy idiot,” Andrew said. “We’re back to a hundred percent again.”
“You can’t hate me on the day of our wedding,” Neil teased over soft mumbling and movement coming from the Fox’s table. Neil didn’t have to look to know that they were resolving bets and exchanging money. He idly wondered how many bets were put on different aspects of this wedding. He decided he didn’t want to know and closed his eyes, letting himself soak in the sounds of his family, the warmth of his new husband, and the lyrics to their matching ringtones that they had kept since Andrew had set up the flip phone that was still in Neil’s pocket.
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
“Why did you want this?” Andrew asked.
Neil’s eyes snapped open to see that Andrew’s smile was gone. He was regarding Neil with a familiar intensity.
“You’ve never been the type to enjoy being the center of attention,” Andrew continued. “And it’s not like we had hoards of guests hounding us to throw a party. So why this?”
Neil took a moment, thinking about everything he had been through to get to this point.
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
“I’ve been told my whole life that I couldn’t have this. I’ve been telling myself that I couldn’t have this,” Neil said. “I wanted one shred of normalcy for once in my life.”
“Since when does Neil Josten care about normalcy?”
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
“Not much,” Neil answered. “I did end up with Andrew Minyard of all people.” Andrew didn’t blink. “But when you think you’re going to die at 19, you don’t even imagine marriage. I never thought that I would be able to have this.” Neil felt his eyes go distant. “I never thought I would have a future. Now that I do, I want to celebrate it.”
Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded
Neil felt his vision unfocus and his shoulders tense. He had managed to put his past behind him, but every once in a while it would catch up with him in waves. Neil had never fully processed the unexpected future that was now unspooled before him, and every time he thought about it the idea sunk in a little deeper. Sounds and touches faded out, and Neil felt himself spiraling.
A hand grabbed Neil’s collar. “Neil,” Andrew said, and Neil felt his feet on the ground again.
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
Neil looked down as Andrew’s hand released his white collar and smoothed it back down before resting his hand back on Neil’s shoulder.
The two didn’t mesh very well in their suits; Neil was dressed in orange and white, matching Dan’s decorations and the dress code that the other guests had unconsciously all followed. Andrew seemed like he rebelled against the theme at first glance, wearing all black from head to toe. But when Andrew had come out of the bathroom that morning, Neil immediately noticed the pin on Andrew’s jacket. On his lapel was a small enamel fox. Before they had left their apartment, Neil had changed out his orange tie for a black one in return.
Andrew saw Neil looking at their clothes and gave him a once-over. “Maybe if I have to grab you again I’ll tear that collar off. It might be a blessing. Garish colors don’t suit you.”
Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it
Neil smiled. “Maybe I want to be seen.”
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
Andrew didn’t look impressed. “I have eyes.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I don’t,” Andrew answered dismissively, “but I’ve learned to live with it.”
“I know you have. You agreed to do this,” Neil motioned his head at everything: the dance, the venue, the small fox pin. “Thank you, Andrew.”
“Don’t thank me,” Andrew said. “Anything for you.”
Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain
Neil started. “Andrew--” He was cut off by Andrew tightening his grip on Neil’s hand.
“Don’t thank me,” he said. “It’s because you’d do anything for me. You’ve proved that time and time again through your astounding idiocy. This is an even trade, not something to be grateful for.”
Runaway train never comin' back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there
Neil looked at Andrew. “You say that like you can stop me.” Andrew’s expression hardened. “You made me stay. You stopped me from running and made it possible for this to be something I can have. You made this my life. I don’t care if you would do the same for me, it’s still something I’m going to be thankful for.”
“One hundred and one percent, Josten,” Andrew mumbled.
Neil smiled. Not the sharp, cheek-splitting one that he had inherited from his father, but a small tug at his lips that lit up his eyes.
“I love you, Andrew.”
Andrew’s expression didn’t change, but he stopped dancing. Neil braced himself for a snap and looked away, but Andrew grabbed his chin and forced Neil to meet his steely gaze.
“I love you, Neil.”
Neil felt every syllable vibrate through his bones. He had seen the words on Valentine cards and heard them in romance movies. Matt and Dan threw them around with each other all the time. Renee and Allison had never said it in front of the team, but Neil knew better than to think that they didn’t say it when they were alone together. But Andrew had never said he loved Neil.
Neil doubted he could ever stand to hear anyone else say those three words ever again. When Andrew said them, every sound was heavy with intention. When Matt and Dan said quick “I love you”s on the way out the door, it was nothing but fluffy affection. When Andrew said it, it was a promise. Wedding vows didn’t mean anything to Neil anymore; everything they needed to say to each other was in their stare and those words.
Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same
As the song faded out, Neil and Andrew stared at each other in a silent promise. They wouldn’t say “I love you” often enough for it to lose its weight, but they would say it again.
The moment was broken by the Foxes crowding around Neil and Andrew, jostling the former but giving the latter enough space to be out of shoving range.
“Thanks for not crying, Neil,” Matt said, clapping him on the shoulder. “You just made me seventy bucks!”
“So glad you’re turning the most special day of my life into a horse race,” Neil deadpanned. Matt laughed and Nicky looped an arm around Neil’s neck.
“The gays now outnumber the straights!” Nicky crowed, brandishing the ring that Erik had proposed to him with towards Matt and Dan. “That is, if you count this little shindig as a real wedding.” Andrew, Aaron, and Kevin shot him cold looks. “Kidding,” Nicky said, throwing his hands up as the humor in his voice melted into genuine warmth. “I couldn’t imagine the two of you doing this any other way.”
“Are we gonna cut the cake now or what?” Wymack asked. The Foxes turned toward him as he gestured at the dishes left behind from his dinner. “I’m starving. We can make small talk all night.” Andrew made a beeline for the cake and Neil wove his way through his excited teammates to follow. Andrew waited for him and pulled a knife out of his shoe. Neil wasn’t surprised, but elected for a fork. Andrew cut a small chunk out of the cake, being sure to include a large frosting flower that Neil was fairly sure was Allison’s work. He elected for a smaller, plainer bite.
“I know it’s tradition, but I draw the line at feeding you,” Andrew said before carefully tipping his helping of cake into his own mouth. Neil ate his forkful as Andrew ran his thumb across the knife’s face, gathering the extra icing and licking it up as he replaced his knife where he had pulled it from.
Neil raised his eyebrows at the cake’s relatively little sweetness. He wouldn’t be surprised if Renee had filed away the fact that he didn’t like sweets into her long-term memory.
“Is it good?” Renee asked hopefully. That all but confirmed Neil’s idea of the tag team behind the cake: Renee baking and Allison decorating. Neil wondered how many bets were going in reference to the two girls. Having dealt with his and Andrew’s horribly repressed feelings, Neil could see their romance plain as day, but he wasn’t about to tell the others that and ruin their fun. Neil nodded to Renee gratefully. In lieu of answering, Andrew used the cake-cutting knife to section off a generous piece, heaved it onto a plate, and took it back to the table. Neil began cutting his own smaller piece as his teammates and Wymack clustered around and grabbed for plates. As Wymack took a plate, he laid a hand on Neil’s shoulder and looked him dead in the eyes.
“Neil,” he said, “congratulations.”
Neil nodded in thanks, getting the sense that Wymack meant more than just the wedding. He wondered if his coach had heard any of his conversation with Andrew.
Once Wymack had taken three slices of cake for himself, Abby, and Betsy, he started the playlist that the upperclassmen had insisted on curating. At first Neil made a game of guessing who had picked each song, but as the night wore on everything began to blend together. He knew betting money was passed around throughout the night and everyone but Kevin, Andrew, and himself flitted back and forth between the table and the dancefloor, but the only constant Neil retained as his future loomed over him were Andrew’s eyes on his. When everyone stumbled out the door at the end of the night, Neil’s surroundings seemed to spin and morph around Andrew. He started as his phone rang and everything snapped back into place. Neil fished his phone out of his pocket and was confused to see that it was Andrew’s number. He looked to Andrew, who was watching him expectantly with his phone held to his ear.
“Your phone is ringing, Neil,” he said, “you’d better pick up.”
Neil flipped open the phone and held it to his own ear, and felt his heart swell as Andrew revisited a conversation that felt like it had happened decades ago.
Andrew’s voice had an odd echo as Neil listened to it in person with one ear and through the phone with the other. “Your parents are dead, you are fine, and everything is going to be okay.”