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Eddie didn't love him. Somehow, somewhere, Richie had thought he did, maybe, and he might have, when they were younger, but not in the way Richie wanted him to. Not like bothers, like the way he did now. Richie wanted Eddie to be in love with him. Like Richie was with him.
Because, if Eddie was in love with him, then Eddie wouldn't have started drawing away when they hugged. It wasn't long hugs and tight squeezes anymore, it was a short hug with a tap on the back before he went to go look at what Bill was writing or Ben was reading or what Mike had taken a picture of.
And he was tired of the sympathetic looks from Bev and Stan and his fucking parents. They didn't know what he was feeling. Sure, Went had his heart broken a few times before he met Maggie, but everyone else didn’t count. Not when Bev got both Bill and Ben when she wanted, and when Stan moved from on from his crush on Bill to dating the new girl Patty. They all had happy endings. All Richie had was the same stupid feelings that he'd been feeling since he was 10 years old when he and Eddie had kissed on Richie's bed because Eddie had seen it in that movie and wanted to try it out.
How could Richie say no. He couldn't, so Richie took one last drag from the cigarette in his hand and leaned over to connect their lips. He didn't know what Eddie felt, still didn't know, but the moment he touched those lips he felt like he was on the moon.
He felt like he was soaring. Like he could take on anything. Like he could walk up to Mrs K and tell her to get the fuck away from her son. And when Eddie pulled back, Richie was dazed. He took one look at Eddie's blush and decided that he was in love. The feelings only grew.
And for a small time, Richie thought that Eddie loved him back. It may have been that Richie was his first kiss. It may have been Richie's constant touches, Richie's constant jokes, Richie's constant presence. He thought he made it obvious that he liked Eddie. Bowers knew, and Bowers was an idiot. So he thought Eddie knew as well. But, Eddie never said anything. He never did anything. They just, coexisted as friends with feelings.
And then, and then the hugs got shorter. The looks got more sympathetic. The feelings got stronger. Eddie didn't love him. Eddie wasn't in love with him. Richie had just been making things up in his head. He had been reading the signs wrong. Eddie didn't want anything more than his friendship. So Richie gave it to him. All of him. He gave him his friendship. His advice when Eddie wanted it. His tears late at night.
Eddie didn't love him. Not like Richie wanted him to. He never would. He was sure of it.