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Life doesn’t stop.
Life doesn’t wait.
Life doesn’t care.
Because if her life was fair, there wouldn’t be dying animals, there wouldn’t be poor or rich.
If life was just, her friends wouldn’t have disappeared in a storm, while the searching was postponed because someone decided that it was for the best.
If life wasn’t biased JJ would have a loving family, and he wouldn’t have to endure all the beatings his father put him through, while Sarah’s murderous father was free.
Kiara wasn’t at home anymore in the Cut. And the accident sealed the deal for her.
Everyday, she promised herself that she was going to tell her friends about her decision, and everyday she let herself down.
She couldn’t lie and say that it was because it was only about the boys. Pope got his scholarship and was going to become a doctor, just as he always dreamt of. John B and Sarah already left the Cut, moving together in an apartment near the campus.
It was all about the handsome bad boy with a tragic childhood. Because, for her, it was not always about John B. For her, things were also about the boy that gave her a nickname, about the boy that was tanned even in the middle of the winter.
Because, it was all about him when she made that stupid rule about "No pouge-on-pouge macking.”
She needed a reason to stop herself from destroying their friendship, because he was the best friend she could ever have.
She loved Pope and John B as her brothers, while Sarah was the sister she never had. However, JJ was something more.
Kiara felt awful for hiding things for him, yet she rarely confessed her own problems, out of fear of coming out as snobby.
But that was not an excuse.
Even her parents expressed their opinion on the matter, thinking that she should hurry, both knowing their daughters feelings.
It was never a better moment than the present.
It was a matter of minutes, before she found herself in front of his door with a pack of beers and some food.
She was afraid that her heart might escape from its boney cage.
Kiara never thought about a time where she knocked at that door, but she did it nonetheless. Maybe he was out or already sleeping. Maybe she could get past that night without spilling all her thoughts.
But all the maybes were burnt, when he opened the door.
He was not out or sleeping, neither drunk as she hoped.
“Kie, is everything alright? We never knock.” He was worried about her.
“I am fine. I wanted some company and… If you are busy, I can leave.” Despite seeing right through her lie, JJ didn’t say anything. He only took a step back, in order to let her in.
It was one of the things she loved about him. There was no need to explain herself in front of him. He never asked about the facts, unless they were given to him.
“You finally gave up on fighting my charms?” The smile she tried to mimic transformed in a real one as soon as he made the joke. Only if he knew the truth.
He passed her a beer, before plopping himself back on the couch that was his bed.
She took a sit by his side, throwing her feet in his lap, like she did many times before, but she didn't feel like before.
“JJ, you know that you are one of the most important people for me, right?” She was unsure about what she should say, but he had to know that she didn’t want to hurt him, in any way.
“Of course, Kie. We are always there for each other.” His hands were resting on her crossed feet. Their relationship was deeper than what she had with the other boys. Jj was the only one that actually knew about her whereabouts during the year that she spent away from them.
“I want to leave here. I want to go to Europe.” His body tensing under hers, made her realize that she actually said the words. She finally confessed.
“I want you to come with me.” She added, as she straightened her back. Kiara wanted to be brave that night, no longer hiding behind stuid rules or anything resembling an excuse.
“I knew that you wanted to leave. But, don’t pity me.” His knuckles turned white, from how hard he was holding the bottle. He was no longer looking at her.
“I am not pitying you, JJ. I mean it.” Her plea fell upon deaf ears.
“Give me one reason why you would want me with you. My own parents don’t want me.”
“Because I love you.” The utterance of her feelings left her lips much easier than she thought they would.
And as he turned to observe her, she knew once again that life was not fair, because if it was, she wouldn’t have to give him reasons.
“What? But, I thought… Your rule… The kiss with John B…”
“It was John Be that kissed me. And the rule, that stupid rule, I made it to make sure that I can be your friend, for as long as I could.” She bit her lower lip.
She should be feeling nervous, she should guard her heart against the rejection that was coming.
JJ took bottles of bears and put them on the ground, before pushing her down the mattress. Kiara knew that everytime that they would play wrestling, he was letting her win.
She was aware that he was strong. It was a fact that he was the last person on earth that would hurt her.
“Say it again.” He half climbed over her, close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her neck.
“I love you.” She ran a tongue across her suddenly dry lips, wondering if he was going to kiss her. Wishing he would, hoping he would.
When his lips collared with her, she felt the hunger and the lust in him.
He dragged her in his lap, without too much trouble. It was like she was weighing nothing.
When they finally parted, her breath was hitched. The adrenaline in her veins was making her float.
“I guess that I should have said I love you and then ask if you want to be kissed.”
“JJ, I care more about the actions than the words.” her hands started to play with the hem of his T-shirt. “I want you, JJ. I always wanted you.”
“The creatures that you decide to save are going to be lucky. You saved someone that was a lost case.”
If life was just he wouldn’t be considered a lost case.
“Shut up and kiss me. Tonight I care only about a creature.”