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“Ughhhhhhhhh! Why isn’t it sounding right? Focus, Masuki. Get your act together!”
Rokka Asahi looked onwards from behind the curtain as her blonde-haired friend struggled to pick up the rhythm at the drumset ahead of her.
Ah.
Well.
Maybe this is a bad time to try and talk to her about this after all…
Rokka had spent the past few days mulling over a particular question to ask her bandmate, Masuki. She’d gone back and forth with herself about whether it was worth it to, but something within her kept urging regardless. However, she had her doubts, too. Where would she even start? Wouldn’t it feel somewhat...invasive?
All because of some off-handed comment…
It was no secret to anyone just how often Satou Masuki called everything around her “cute”. A puppy in a stroller? Cute. Decorative packaging on convenience store snacks? Cute. The Shopping District Mascot, Michelle? Cute. Just as much as anyone else would, really.
So why, why did Rokka have to get herself to think that...maybe...it meant something more when Masuki called her cute.
It wasn’t even like she was the only one either… the drummer had said the same exact thing to her friend, Ako, too. Which Rokka completely understood, of course! Ako was a sweet and energetic girl who had an adorkable habit of quoting video-game-like phrases. Not to mention the pigtails - who wouldn’t find that downright adorable?
Still, the nagging that had tugged at Rokka’s subconscious had manifested into an unbearable curiosity in her consciousness.
I just want to know if she… you know...
Rokka remembered how much her heart-pounded when she saw Poppin’ Party take the stage at her first live. She wanted to believe that all of her excitement was solely within the music, but she knew that she couldn’t have taken her eyes off of the shining star that was Kasumi Toyama - no matter how much she tried. The way her eyes sparkled under the limelight, the gentle sound of her voice, the softness of her facial expressions...in that moment, all Rokka Asahi could think was
“Whoa.”
“She’s… really cute.”
But also
“ No, no… this can’t be happening.”
Classmates at her old school had expressed this… odd sort of infatuation in regards to male celebrities and the boys that lived in their neighborhoods. Rokka remembered distinctly feeling a bit distanced from it, not knowing what to say in response to the “hey, do you think he’s cute?” that she’d get from them every so often. Even worse was the “aw, you don’t have a celebrity crush?” or the “maybe you’re just a late bloomer.”
She had once hated the adults that had told her “oh, you’ll know when you know” when asking about the issue. Except the fact that the minute she had laid eyes on Kasumi, she knew.
So, this is what a crush is.
Does...this mean I like girls?
Scared, confused, and not knowing quite what to do with this revelation, she had managed to tuck it away into the back of her mind. And she had done a pretty good job at it too. Even when it found its ways to make her blush around The Kasumi Toyama (to this day she wasn’t sure how she could’ve been so lucky not only to meet her in person, but to be considered a friend), she would find a way to label it as being a “fangirl” or “shy” or “flustered”. These labels weren’t even a stretch either, considering the sparkly-eyed girl’s nature to interrupt personal spaces and be just a tad more hug-oriented than what was considered the norm.
Yet, she had managed to lose total control during her first encounter with Satou Masuki and it all just crept back into her consciousness all over again.
If only the drummer had not inched her face so close towards Rokka’s, her eyebrows slanted in an intimidating yet, should Rokka dare say, attractive manner.
“You’re...kinda cute”
Rokka could’ve said “thanks”. She could’ve asked what the drummer had meant by that. What did she do?
ohmy gofdhfsdfa soh ym godshdsa oth om asdhgsd
WHY IS SHE HOT
DID SHE JUST CALL ME CUTE? i think she just called me cute what on EARTH
What if we. Kissed in the music rehearsal room and. We were both. Girls?
he l
help
Panic.
Stood there shook to her core, unable to speak or react properly to any of her surroundings. She felt as if all of her functioning braincells had been shut off, since none of her thoughts felt coherent anymore.
Looking back on it, she still couldn’t pinpoint her reaction exactly. With Kasumi, it had been a matter of admiration, but with Masuki? It was almost as if her fight or flight response had been activated. Run out of the live house and lower your heart rate, or stay put and hope the Hot Girl kisses you? To this day, none of it made sense.
“GODDAMN!”
A loud shout from Masuki interrupted Rokka from dozing off yet again into Memory Land.
“WHY CAN’T I THINK STRAIGHT?”
Maybe because you aren’t straight .
Rokka bit her tongue, stifling back a laugh. Where had that snarky thought of hers even come from? It wasn’t like her to come up with jokes on her own regarding this matter.
It’s not like she had even told anyone about it yet.
Who was she supposed to tell anyways, her old friends? The ones who didn’t take her seriously for wanting to start a band? There was no way she could’ve spilled the beans to her parents - they were hellbent on her entering into a “proper” university with a “proper” major so she could take a “proper” man’s hand in marriage. It was a miracle within itself that they let her move all the way to Tokyo to pursue a dream that maybe only the Mad Artist types think of pursuing.
But I did it.
I made my dream come true after all.
And when she remembered that, she felt nothing but triumph. Yeah, working for her rent wasn’t easy. It definitely wasn’t easy to be away from home either - though the place had been stifling, it was familiar at least. But guess what? She had earned her place in the Girl Bands’ Circle, amongst friends who shared the same hopes and dreams as her. As she worked alongside the equally motivated Raise A Suilen members under the guidance of the inspiring CHU2, she knew nothing could ever replace that sense of belonging she felt. She remembered the way she felt seen by others when she performed on her guitar to the audience in front of her. The person that Rokka Asahi was behind that guitar was a confident, daring, and somewhat reckless version of herself that she could not allow herself to be in the real world. Being a member of Raise A Suilen meant being part of an inspiring unit - something larger than herself - that would continue to empower and inspire herself, her bandmates, and everyone else who was willing to give their music a chance. All of the doubts and criticisms she had received up until now were simply meaningless , because no way on earth would Rokka ever trade her small loner-in-Tokyo struggles for the lackluster life she left behind.
“FUCK THE NON-BELIEVERS!” She thought to herself, feeling all of her appreciation and love for girl bands and the existence of Raise A Suilen rise up within her all over again.
“...Huh? Lock?”
Rokka redirected her attention to notice Masuki staring right at her.
Oh no oh no oh no oh no
I said that out loud, didn’t I?
“Ah, hey Masuki-san!” Rokka chirped, trying to keep the quavering tone out of her voice as to not show how anxious she was truly feeling. Masuki narrowed her eyes.
O h n o why does she look so good when she does that???
“Your outburst...it was something else…” Masuki noted, her arms crossed as she shifted her position to face Rokka in the wings entirely.
Ahhhhh so she’s going to think I’m crazy.
Yup.
Time to die.
“It was…”
Uh oh. Rokka recognized that expression.
Don’t say cute don’t say cute please I swear to god-
“...Kinda cute.”
SERIOUSLY? HOW?
Okay Rokka don’t panic. Don’t panic.
“H-Huh?” Rokka couldn’t help but squeak in response. Masuki laughed, immediately breaking eye contact and shaking her head.
“I’m just messing with you, you know that right? Your outburst was actually pretty badass, if I may say so myself."
Rokka tried not to let her expression falter.
Oh.
So, there it was. Maybe her question was answered.
Masuki was just…
messing with her.
And how stupid could she have been to even fall for it?
...Was it even worth asking her about it still?
Clearly, Rokka’s attempts to hide her true emotions did not succeed, since Masuki’s demeanor had changed as well.
“Oh no… did I say something wrong? Ah Lock, I’m sorry...I meant ‘badass’ as a compliment, if that helps.”
That wasn’t the upsetting part.
“Oh, no no! It’s fine! Really!” Rokka fibbed, trying to change up her intonation to keep the ‘everything is fine’ facade going.
“Hmmmm...if you say so, I guess. How did you end up here anyways?”
Gulp.
“O-oh I was just helping out backstage, it was nothing really-”
“Nah, I noticed you were watching me for a while.”
OH GOD SHE MUST THINK I’M A STALKER OR SOMETHING NONONONON
“What’s up, Rokka?”
Masuki had redirected her full attention to her, her expression easing as her eyes stared onward, patient to listen. Rokka remembered how the drummer only ever preferred to call her “Rokka” over “Lock” when she was genuinely concerned.
Maybe, just maybe... I managed to overthink this somehow…
“I had wanted to ask you a question,” Rokka replied bluntly, realizing she couldn’t quite back out of this situation.
Whatever, there was really nothing to lose at this point. So what if Masuki thought it was weird? At least she’d get answers. And hey, the two were friends - it’s not like something like this would change that…
...Unless...
Nope. Impossible. She made herself clear enough.
“Whatcha waiting for? I’m all ears,” Masuki affirmed, leaning back slightly against her drums, arms folded behind her head.
Whoa. That pose shows off her biceps…
I wonder how often she practices drumming? Maybe she does arm exercises on the side too?
"Uh..uh…” Rokka stammered, horrified as she realized that even with all of the time she had spent reminiscing memories, she had not figured out a way to ask this tactfully.
Earth to Rokka! Stop being gay for two seconds and focus on the question…
What, are you just going to straight up ask “Hey Masuki! Are you interested in dating women? Would you, for example, date me?”
But...how else do I ask it...
“Is everything alright…?”
“DO YOU LIKE GIRLS?” Rokka blurted out, and feeling instant regret the minute the words flew out of her mouth.
I’m screwed.
I’m toast.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to be confronted with whatever expression Masuki had on her face, praying this moment would end soon.
Maybe she’ll just laugh in my face and say “good one!” and that’ll be the end of it.
Maybe she’ll act confused or offended and ask why I bothered asking...that’s fine, home’s not too far from here. I’ll just apologize and head off.
...You know what, I think I’m just going to do that anyways.
“I’m sorry, that was SUPER intrusive and completely none of my business so I’m just going to go home and-”
“Yes.”
...Did she hear that right?
“...Sorry?” Rokka opened her eyes to see that Masuki’s expression...didn’t look taunting or menacing in any way. In fact, her facial features were softer...kinder than she normally let them be. The last time she had seen Masuki look at her this way was when she had played guitar in front of her for the first time.
“You asked if I like girls? The answer is yes,” Masuki chuckled, getting up from her drummer’s seat.
“It’s not something I try to hide, you know,” She added on, winking at the last remark.
Why is she so damn FLIRTY?
Rokka watched as Masuki began to unscrew her drumkit to be packed away for the day. The blonde had started humming to herself, as if she had understood that to be the end of the conversation...something that was beyond Rokka’s comprehension. Wasn’t she going to ask why Rokka had brought it up? Or even make an offhand joke about personal space?
That aside...Rokka couldn’t get over the fact how openly Masuki had admitted to it.
Rokka realized she actually had plenty of other questions.
“O-oh! Okay! Um… Can I ask if that’s why you call girls cute…?” She slowly weaseled out, taking a step closer towards the drummer so she wouldn’t have to project so much. Masuki chuckled yet again at her remark.
“Why, is a certain someone jealous ?”
Maybe.
“I-I am not jealous!” The guitarist retorted, shaking her head to emphasize.
“Alright, if you say so~” Masuki replied nonchalantly, making a seat for herself on the stage’s floor to get to the screws of the bass drum. She stayed silent on the matter for a while, muttering a mere occasional swear word when she accidentally got her finger caught in between the bass and the snare setup.
“But...If I’m being absolutely honest…” Masuki trailed off, her voice dimming in volume as she seemed to be in a trance of her own. “There’s only one girl I really like, though I doubt she likes me back.”
Every inch of Rokka wondered who on earth that could be, but knew better than to ask. Hadn’t she done enough damage?
“Oh...well...somehow I doubt that!” She replied, deciding to take the consoling and encouraging angle of this scenario.
“I mean, come on . You’re crazy talented, really friendly, and you have a cool appearance. Plus you can cook! And drive a motorcycle! I mean, is that not Girlfriend Material right there?”
Masuki stopped immediately in her tracks, turning to look at Rokka again with a smirk formed upon her face.
....Ohhhhhh no.
I overdid it...I got carried away…
Why am I such a useless-
“Whoa, Lock. You think I’m ‘Girlfriend Material’?” Masuki snorted, raising an eyebrow.
“I meant it in an objective way!” Rokka protested, scrambling to think of a way to convince her that Yeah Everything She Just Said Wasn’t A Subconscious Way of Trying to Flirt.
“Okay, Lock. Please, do tell exactly how that can be objective!”
“I’m just speaking as a simple lesbiab, okay?”
WHAT ARE WORDS?
“Wait, that’s not the word it’s uh… lesbiam.”
I don’t think it’s that either.
“...Less…....Bien? Uh…”
“It’s okay, take your time.”
Not helping!
“You get what I mean,” Rokka sighed defeatedly, kneeling downwards and plopping her face into her hands. Masuki laughed warmly in response.
“Yeah yeah, I get it. Girls!”
“Girls…” Rokka exhaled, feeling exhausted from the whole situation. Did she somehow manage to lose all of her braincells in this interaction alone?
“Hey now, in all seriousness,” Masuki stated, her tone of voice changing from its joking nature to a more serious, consoling one. She placed a hand on the guitarist’s shoulder.
“I’m actually really glad you came to talk to me about this.”
“R-really?”
“Yeah. It’s not a matter I’ve been able to open up with others about and...it feels really good to know that we can relate.”
Rokka felt her heart flutter.
Right. Exactly.
That was the whole point of this after all. She knew she’d be embarrassed, but wasn’t the end result about wanting to find someone who was similar to her? Someone she could connect with, and someone who would understand her? Was it really not so different from making that first train ride to Tokyo, potentially making a fool out of herself by scouting band members, to get to the life she treasured and adored today?
“Y-Yeah! I feel that way too! It’s uh...part of why I wanted to ask you, you know?” Rokka stood up, notioning to Masuki if she wanted help with putting the equipment away.
“Yeah…” Masuki trailed off, her response serving as both an answer to her question as well as an invitation to help out with cleanup. Rokka nodding, bending her knees as she lifted the kick drum in front.
“Lock...you’re really, really cool. I hope you know that,”
Me? COOL?
After acting like a complete and utter disaster?
It took a lot of self-control not to drop the drum in front of her in shock.
“I try,” The blue-haired girl remarked nonchalantly as she placed the drum in its proper position backstage.
“I think that’s everything…” Masuki muttered to herself, counting the equipment in front to make sure she had done her calculations correctly.
“Hey, when does your shift end?”
Rokka checked her watch, relieved when she noted that she would stop working in roughly ten minutes. How would she have been supposed to focus with all of these lingering emotions and mental exhaustion?
“Uh, I'm heading out soon actually!”
“Cool cool. I gotta get a few of my belongings together, meet me outside, okay?”
Rokka wasn’t sure what Masuki was trying to propose, but she responded “sure” and let the drummer attend to her business.
This day has been... something else. That’s for sure.
----
As Masuki began to pack her drums away, she smiled to herself thinking about the interaction with her fellow guitarist.
The absolute spunk of that girl… I can’t take it.
Leave it to Rokka Asahi to straight up ask her, no strings attached, if she was romantically interested in women. Masuki had spent the past few days questioning whether she had been trying too hard to flirt with someone who was Not Interested, but learned after today that maybe she had met her match after all. God, and she liked to think that she was reckless? She didn’t stand a chance next to Rokka.
As she zipped up her bags, Masuki remembered what had drawn her to join Raise A Suilen in the first place. Being in a band that not only took music seriously the way that she did, but fully appreciated her ability to let loose and show her true colors was all she could’ve ever asked for. She had grown so tired of needing to hold back and act too polite around the girls who attended her school, and was growing tired in the presence of needing to provide backup for hotheaded performers who didn’t appreciate an inch of her talent. Masuki thought about her first and current impressions of CHU2 - a girl who she had once seen as a tiny, bratty middle-schooler but now fully understood the talent and genius of. Masuki had felt the same way in regards to her first interaction with Rokka - she had seemed like your standard shy, friendly girl who worked backstage, but the minute she put her mind to something… boy, she would just let loose. Any ounce of bravery, passion, and recklessness would come pouring out.
And it’s so… damn attractive.
Masuki headed towards the door, putting her hands in her pockets and staring at the sky as she approached her motorcycle.
Ah… she’ll think it’s too much, won’t she…
Masuki unloaded her knapsack and plucked out the shiny new helmet. She gently tossed it back and forth between her hands as she whistled R.I.O.T to herself. It was supposed to have been a surprise for later - something she’d present after more time to practice approaching the matter coolly. She didn’t want to completely scare her off, after all. However… today’s events had her fired up and more impatient than ever before.
Get your act together, Masuki.
She inhaled.
That’s right.
No more time spent second-guessing.
No more time using the drums as a way to vent the frustration.
No more time trying to worry if what she’ll do is the right thing.
She was going to advocate for herself, the way Rokka did, and risk something doing so. If there even was a risk - she had gotten her answer, had she not? Unless she was reading the situation wrong...
“Masuki-san!”
Well, there wasn’t much time left to back out, even if so.
Masuki quickly fiddled with the helmet, wrapping it under her arm as she leaned against the bike. She gave Rokka a wave, tilting her head as to motion for her to come over. Rokka shyly looked both ways on the road before crossing over.
“M-may I ask why you wanted to meet me outside…?” Rokka asked, twiddling her thumbs and avoiding eye contact. “This is normally where we part ways, isn’t it?”
Masuki pulled out the helmet from under her arm, and held it in front.
“Here, put it on,” she said bluntly. The guitarist’s eyes nearly doubled in size.
“H-huh??? Oh no you couldn’t possible have-”
“Don’t sweat it, I’ve wanted to buy a spare helmet forever,” Masuki reassured, keeping her arm extended.
“Besides,” she added. “It gets kind of lonely being the only one on this bike sometimes.”
Rokka went silent, her eyebrows furrowed and lips pressed.
“You don’t live too far from here, right? At least let me take you home.”
Rokka cautiously looked back and forth between Masuki’s outstretched arm and her face. Masuki tried with great effort to hide all of the doubts that were going through her mind right now.
Yep, definitely too forward.
She’s probably thinking ‘what the hell??? i can walk home just fine, what do i need to ride on your bike for?’
Maybe she wants to know why-
“Why?”
The question rung in the air, a mirror of Masuki’s inner thoughts. She paused, scratching the back of her head.
“Uh… well, we’re friends, right? I mean… it’s a nice gesture. Friends do nice things for each other.”
Masuki wanted to smack herself in the forehead.
Really?
Could you be any more awkward?
Of course friends do things for each other, you dimwit.
Rokka seemed to process the statement, nodding slowly as she continued to stare at the helmet.
Cut to the chase, don’t give her the wrong idea.
“A-and u-um!” Masuki stammered, her heart racing as she grew impatient. She directed her gaze towards the ground.
“I...uh….wanted to ask you if… you would give me a chance to be...uh…’Girlfriend Material..!’ S-specifically uh. Yours.”
Masuki squinted her an eye before looking up at the blue haired girl in front of her, who was staring ahead blankly.
Ah, shit.
S H I T
ABORT ABORT ABORT
Poor girl…
I’m being too pushy, aren’t I...
“A-ah! Only if you want to! If not, like… it’s alright! We’re still cool!” Masuki backtracked, her tone rising in pitch with each sentence, revealing her inner panic.
What were you even thinking?
Maybe she was just venting to you as a friend ...goddamnit Masuki, did you even consider that?
Masuki was wondering if maybe she should just head home…
“Ah...Lock I-”
“I want to!” Rokka cried, interrupting Masuki’s self-doubt thought train.
OH?
Rokka’s hands flew to her mouth, seeming a bit surprised herself by her outburst. Masuki took a step backwards.
“I- ah. Did that sound desperate? I really hope it didn’t...” Rokka started, her tone reduced to a hush.
...Which Masuki would only witness for merely a few seconds.
“I mean… ME? Are you sure? ” Rokka questioned, her voice tainted with doubt as its amplitude rose, like a perfectly timed crescendo. Masuki tried with all of her might to suppress a smile.
Why is she so DAMN adorable ?
“U-uh yeah…! I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it~”
“I……….. okay,” Rokka hesitated, inhaling and exhaling before gently taking the helmet from Masuki. She put it on her head vigorously.
“Y-Yeah! L-Let’s do this!” Rokka stammered, her fists pumped out in front of her. Masuki noticed her go-to “determination look” planted on her face, but still questioned that something was off.
...Hmm….
“Okay, I’ll hop on first, you can sit right behind me,” Masuki said gently as she swung one leg over. She turned around to notice Rokka carefully keeping her distance behind her as she got on.
“Just… hold onto me, okay?”
Masuki reached out to grab the hands of the guitarist behind her. The blue-haired girl squeaked in surprise at first, but seemed to ease up a bit as Masuki slowly moved them to fit around her waist.
Her hands… they’re so soft…
As Masuki started to rev up her bike, she felt the weight of the other girl’s head sink into her spine.
“H-hey Masuki-san…” She asked, her voice muffled by the embroidered bunny on the back of Masuki’s jacket. The drummer hummed in response.
“I’m scared.”
Scared…
Masuki stopped and thought to herself. It wasn’t like the girl to admit that she was scared. And for the times that she was… she often powered through like a true rock star. For Rokka, fear was merely a starting point, and would soon further bring her to determination, bravery, and achieving her dreams. She had mentioned every day that she was thankful for pushing past any doubts she had previously had about joining RAS, because it was the best decision she had made in her life.
Masuki then remembered how often her expression scared girls away. For those she just wanted to connect with… they’d see the look on her face and be frightened. It’s not like Masuki was trying to look mean or intimidating, it was just… something about her aura maybe? It was always quite upsetting, and Masuki tried to think of ways to appear differently to others, but always came up with options that didn’t feel fitting to her true self.
She gulped.
Maybe she took it too far.
She thought Rokka was one of the few people who was starting to understand her, who wouldn’t be afraid.
But...now…
“What are you afraid of?” Masuki slowly responded, her heart thumping within her throat as her tone went low.
“...I’ve never dated anyone before. You’re the first person I even told about this… I guess something about you made me trust you enough to speak up. The same way you support me on stage… I was hoping you could be there to support me off-stage too,” Rokka quietly thought to herself.
“I’m just surprised… you’re very kind, Masuki. And I’m not really sure why out of anyone you could ask you’d pick me but…”
“I want this to work. I’m nervous because I’m not really sure how I ended up here or how any relationship dynamic works, but I hope we can continue to share the same bond that RAS has. The power to be our true selves with each other…” Rokka rambled. Even though Masuki couldn’t see her, she imagined that the guitarist’s eyes were lit up with that same fire - the fire that was poured into every RAS performance and gathering, the fire that fueled her enthusiastic fangirling over Poppin’ Party,
But mostly,
the fire that showcased that Rokka was not only passionate,
but truly dedicated and committed
to whatever she spoke of.
Masuki couldn't help but wonder to herself as the girl truly did not sound nearly as afraid as she claimed to be.
“Hey Lock, do you think it’s too early to ask for your hand in marriage?”
“H- WHAAAAAAAAAAT?”
AAAAAAH SHE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T TAKE IT
“Don’t worry, just messing with you,” Masuki chuckled, unable to resist a tease to lighten the mood.
“It’s just that everything you just said was… too damn awesome. I want that for us too.”
“G-good!” Rokka awkwardly stammered, still flustered by the fake marriage proposal.
The two of them sat there for a while, basking in the moment. Masuki racked her brain for more things to say... a way to ease into her driving them back but if she were being absolutely honest, she had no thoughts and her head was empty.
Eventually, Rokka piped up.
“Uh, Masuki-san…”
“Yes, dear?”
“There’s… one more thing I’m scared of…”
“Shoot.”
Rokka inhaled loudly.
“HowfastdoesthismotorcyclegobecauseItrustyouenoughtodriveitandallbutIalsodon’thaveadeathwishandeventhoughyoulookreallycoolwhenyourideititlowkeygivesmeanxiety”
Ah.
Well,
at least that fear would be more concrete to find a solution for.
Masuki smirked, remembering how the younger her had refused to ever set foot on the vehicle. And look where she was now!
“Alright. Three things to remember, babe” Masuki stated.
“One: hold onto me tightly.”
Masuki’s heart thumped quickly in her chest.
“Two: Give your girl a big old squeeze like you really mean it.”
She noticed a warmth fill all of the emptier, lonelier places she had spent so much time trying to avoid.
“Three,” Masuki began, her foot hovering over the gas pedal.
She’d do anything to make sure that nothing.
“Don’t...”
Absolutely nothing.
“Let…”
Would interrupt this amazing feeling
of breaking that loneliness,
of breaking the isolation,
of being someone’s
and someone
being her’s.
“GO!” She yelled, followed by the sound of her girlfriend’s shrieking as the two zoomed off into the distance.