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By the time Matt realises what’s happened, the moment has passed. Everyone has laughed and moved on, ambling to their next class somewhere down the corridor while James smirks at him one last time. Matt wills himself to come up with some witty retort but he’s not even sure what James said, so he turns to give him a hard stare when nothing comes to mind. For some reason, James has been getting at him a lot more lately, and honestly, Matt's just tired of it now.
It's all the same joke about the way he dresses or looks, and it’s not even that funny anymore. This time however, he tried to show off in front of the two most popular girls in school, and Matt kind of wants to curl up and cringe for a while but he keeps walking. He can’t afford to miss Maths and get another detention this week.
Unfortunately, someone taps him on the shoulder and Matt spins around irately to a spiky-haired Tom Fletcher from two years below (one of James’ closest friends). Matt kind of wants to tell him to fuck off, ask him if he’ll really dare to dish out more. Instead, he nods silently, letting Tom speak.
“Hey,” Tom huffs, seemingly out of breath. “I just wanted to say, I’m sorry for what James said.”
Matt raises his eyebrows, not convinced. “You that far up his arse that you’ll apologise for him now?” Tom’s never really caused any problems himself but he seems to follow James everywhere. Although when he thinks back, Matt has caught him pulling James away when he’d start mocking people, and he figures Tom can’t be that bad overall.
“No,” Tom counters defensively. “He didn’t need to say that, and you’ve done nothing wrong to him. He’s been kind of... like that lately.”
“Like what?”
“Irritable, I guess. He’s been saying stuff like that to everyone.” And Tom rubs his arm awkwardly at that, glancing down at the floor. Matt’s not entirely sure if that means James has been taking the piss out of him too, but something’s clearly making him uncomfortable.
“You okay?” Matt tilts his head, a concerned look crossing his face.
“Yeah,” Tom trails off. “This is probably really weird timing but do you mind if I sit with you for lunch today? I’m sick of James.”
That’s probably the last thing Matt expects to hear, and he can’t help but feel sorry for Tom, clearly quite embarrassed that he has to ask at all. Most of the things he’s heard about Tom have been positive (kind-hearted, but sometimes a little cocky), and Matt’s friends are all busy with clubs at lunchtime so he may as well have some company.
“Sure. I’ll meet you by the bench just out the main door, okay?”
Tom nods, clearly surprised, a wide smile spreading across his face and a dimple popping up. He looks like he has something he wants to say but Matt gives him some time and when nothing happens, they both shuffle awkwardly.
“Well, I really gotta head to Maths now. I’ll see you later.”
“Thanks. And just for the record- I think you look good with your hair like that. It suits you.” Tom blushes lightly, before turning around and heading down the corridor. Matt’s kind of glad he’s left because he has no idea how to respond, then he realises it must have something to do with whatever insults James spewed at him. One of his hands subconsciously brushes through his hair, before he realises he’s just watching Tom leave, so he snaps out of it and rushes to class quickly, already 5 minutes late.
***
Maths was boring, as usual. It’s all nonsense that goes way over Matt’s head while he doodles in his exercise book, wondering when they’ll ever need to know how to differentiate or whatever it is the teacher’s droning on about now. He’s rushing out the door as soon as it’s over, meandering through the corridors as he navigates around the clusters of people who block every doorway until he reaches the bench just outside the main building and… Tom’s not there.
That’s fine, Matt supposes, and he dumps his bag on the bench, sitting down beside it as he waits. He’d almost suspect it to be a set up of some sort, if it weren’t for Tom looking so lost and shy when they were talking. Although, Tom has always been good at acting, always part of the main cast for their important school productions. But before Matt can keep building this conspiracy theory about how Tom and James might be plotting to murder him or something, someone sits down next to him.
“Hey, sorry I’m late. I was just helping to pack up the drama room because we moved all the stuff around. Hope you weren’t waiting for too long.” Tom smiles cheerfully to Matt who can’t help but smile back.
“Nah, I just got here. Wanna go over there to eat?”
Tom nods, following Matt towards the smallest tree in the school field and sitting down under it as they get their lunches out. It’s a nice day out, warm enough to take the itchy school jumpers off and play football which most of the boys are doing now, at the opposite end of the field.
“So, where are all your other friends?” Tom asks once they’re both settled, cheese sandwich resting on his knee.
“They’re all at school band practice.” Matt replies. He’s usually alone at lunchtime on Tuesdays, but he doesn’t really mind that. It lets him get his homework done or more likely, fuck around with the spare instruments in the music block and try to write some songs. Tom just hums in reply, not quite sure how to continue the conversation.
“What about you?”
“Well, they’re with James.”
"Oh yeah. Of course." Matt nods, feeling rather stupid for a moment.
It’s quite strange to be chatting with Tom like this; they’re both very different types of people from very different groups. Matt gets detention at least once every week, and while Tom doesn’t try to be the teacher’s pet, nearly all of the teachers love him. Matt's a little edgier, dying his hair black and adding a blonde streak (against school rules), while Tom’s normally got all of his uniform done up neatly, shirt buttoned up to the top. Matt’s kind of a loner, enjoying his own company, while Tom seems to have a lot of friends in a lot of groups. Which is why Matt is a little confused as to why Tom’s sitting here with him, and not with someone else he’s actually friendly with.
He figures he doesn’t have much to lose by asking, so he swallows his sandwich and looks back up at Tom to get his attention again. “How come you asked to eat lunch with me?”
“Anyone else would ask too many questions, and I don’t want the drama. You don’t give a fuck,” Tom laughs. “I kind of like that.”
Matt can't help but grin back, and he thinks it might be one of the best compliments he's ever received. He almost wants to say he does care, but he doesn't really. At least, not about the drama of ever-changing friendship groups. He cares more about the blonde sitting across from him who looks like he needs distracting.
The elder hums, getting Tom's attention again as they fall silent. "So, what music are you into?" Matt asks, and from there, the conversation flows.
***
The Tuesday lunchtimes become a bit of a routine after that, meeting at the bench then moving to sit in a little secluded place around the back of the school. Tom found it a while ago but he'd never shown it to anyone else before, just a section of an old wall hidden behind some bushes. They needed a place to sit where people would stop staring at them, and somehow it felt right to show Matt his secret hiding spot.
It's a really nice break from Matt's normal friend circle where he can talk about different things like old 80s films and West End musicals. On the days they don't sit together, Matt sees Tom sitting with Gi (a bubbly brunette in the same classes as Tom) and sometimes a few others that come and go. They smile at each other in the hallways but they don't really talk much outside of those weekly lunchtimes.
On the first Tuesday of December, it's raining heavily, thunder echoing across the skies, and Matt doesn't know where to go. He lingers around the foyer close to their bench, staring out the window blankly. Tom arrives a few minutes later, following Matt's gaze and frowning.
"Where do you want to go?" Tom asks, pulling Matt out of his daydream.
Matt shrugs unhelpfully.
"We can go to one of the practice rooms, maybe mess around on the pianos or something."
Matt glances towards Tom and smiles, "Sure, let's go."
The music block is a short walk away from the main building but they still get soaked even when they run as fast as they can. They’re out of breath when they finally get inside, sighing heavily once the door closes and laughing when their eyes meet after they’ve finally caught their breath. Tom catches Matt’s hand for a moment, pulling him towards one of the practice rooms at the far end.
“Come on then, better make that trip worth it.” Tom smiles, and Matt can’t help but notice they’re still holding hands when they reach the practice room.
“Do you play then?” Matt asks, nodding towards the piano.
“Kind of.” Tom shrugs, sitting on the piano stool after he takes his bag and blazer off. “I mean, not very well.” Matt watches the way his hands rest on the keys; perhaps not quite the correct technique but there’s something elegant about it. He starts playing some flowing melody and Matt doesn’t really recognise it but he takes a seat next to Tom and adds in some high notes here and there, joining in when he can. The song comes to an end and Tom sits back, putting his hands in his lap.
“I’ve just been teaching myself, haven’t done it for that long yet.” He fidgets slightly and Matt notes how Tom isn’t really that self-confident front he seems to put on all the time.
“That was really good, better than anything I can do.” Matt smiles reassuringly and it warms his heart to see Tom cheer up so quickly.
“That’s not true, I’ve heard you sing and you sound incredible.”
It’s not what he expects to hear but Matt tips his head gratefully. Although he’s heard Tom sing too, and he’s not sure he’d ever say he was better than Tom. He thinks about the soft nature of his voice, but the strength and clarity in each word and Matt wishes his voice control was that good.
“I think you beat me on that one too Fletcher.”
“Nah, your voice suits you, I like it.” That’s the second time Tom’s said something like that now, and Matt wonders what that really means - if Tom has some idea of him in his head where everything fits together like a puzzle. Most days, he feels like one big mess so it’s an odd compliment to receive but it’s nice to hear.
Matt loses that train of thought quickly; wary of time as he checks his watch. “We should probably eat our lunch now, don’t have too long left.”
***
It’s strange, although they only ever really spend those Tuesday lunchtimes together, Tom’s on his mind a lot. (Probably a lot more than he should be, if Matt tries to be honest with himself.) The Christmas holidays came sooner than everyone expected, and Matt wondered if he should get Tom a present but he never really gets around to it. The whole school bustled with excitement while Matt’s class got tense with mocks and exam season coming up. He still managed to keep meeting up with Tom each week, sticking to the music room down the end of the corridor as the weather got colder and colder but they never really had a proper goodbye before the term ended.
He probably shouldn’t be thinking through all this right now; sitting on the sofa at a New Years’ Party while he swirls around the dark liquid left in his bottle of beer. He’s glad to be ending the year with his friends but something about this is just dull - the chart hits of the past year blaring out from the cheap speakers, the crappy decorations hanging from the ceiling and the drunk strangers stumbling around in front of him. It’s nothing new, nothing that really makes it any different to the house parties he’s been to throughout the year. Even the bitter alcohol in his hand seems less appealing as another minute ticks over.
He wonders how Tom is sending off the year, if he’s having a better time wherever he is. Matt’s certain he’s not at a party; perhaps just a small gathering with his friends or maybe even out to see the fireworks with his family. That sounds more fun than being at a boring party surrounded by people he barely recognises.
Still, he figures he should at least try to join in since he’s already made the effort to be here, and he sets his beer aside (alongside dozens of other empty bottles) before trying to find his friends.
There’s only fifteen minutes to go before a new year begins when Matt finally finds his group in the middle of a mass of swaying bodies. The songs are shit but his friends turn it into a good time and he grins at them as he starts to dance too, laughing at their excited bouncing. One of the popular kids in his year starts the countdown, yelling over the bannister from halfway up the stairs and everyone joins in. Even Matt shouts along, though he feels like he’s barely in the room anymore, but the clapping and cheering brings him back to the moment and he hugs his friends tightly as the faint sound of fireworks echo in the distance.
He looks around at all the couples (or perhaps strangers) kissing like their lives depend on it and Matt’s heart thumps in his chest when he realises his first coherent thought of the year is the image of Tom kissing him like that.
***
Since the first few weeks of school are mocks, Matt doesn’t go back to his usual timetable until week three. He probably should have asked for Tom’s number a long time ago but they’re still lingering in this weird in-between and somehow he doesn’t quite feel like they’re at that stage yet. It’s hard to tell whether they’re acquaintances or friends, or possibly even more than that. Wherever they are, Matt just knows he wants to keep talking to Tom, even after he leaves school at the end of the year.
It’s a chilly day as Matt heads out of Science and trudges to the bench outside the foyer. Part of him isn’t even certain if Tom is going to be there since they haven’t talked at all this past month, but he feels his tense shoulders relax as he spots the blonde sitting on the bench, cheeks red from the brisk air.
“Hey! How were your holidays?” Matt smiles, tapping the blond on the arm and startling him for a moment.
“Good, I didn’t really do much. How did your exams go?”
Matt shrugs noncommittally, “Well, I tried. We’ll see.” It’s hard to tell right now, but he’s not keen to talk about it, his mind moving on quickly. “To the practice rooms?”
“To the practice rooms!” Tom grins and jumps up from the bench. He’s sure he can tell Tom about all the strange feelings he’s been having at some point later in the year.
***
It’s not exactly fun getting results back but Matt’s happy with everything so far. They’re going through one of the maths papers now and to his surprise, he’s scored well into a B grade. He spends most of the lesson staring off into the distance, his mind floating between various fuzzy images until it settles on Tom and he doesn’t want to admit it but he’s sure he can feel the start of a blush coming on. He wonders if these recent feelings mean anything, and wonders if he should do anything about them. He’ll be leaving school in a few months anyway, and Tom probably doesn’t even feel the same way. The last thing he wants to do is ruin whatever is happening between them by going about this the wrong way. The little weekly meetups are better than nothing at all, he concludes, and in good time because-
“Matthew! If I recall correctly, I don’t think you did very well on this question so it might be worth listening in for at least a few seconds.” That’s enough to snap him out of his thoughts although he still rolls his eyes dramatically as he turns to the right page in his paper, pulling a red pen out of his pencil case.
***
The weather is finally starting to warm up, oddly enough. It’s still late February and he swears there were reports of snow a few days ago but the sun seems to be beaming down through the clouds today. He’s heading out to the bench as usual, wondering if he can convince Tom to sit outside in their little hiding spot when he notices Tom’s not waiting there alone this time.
“Hey Matt, do you mind if Gi sits with us today?” Gi smiles at him cheerfully and Matt can’t say no to that. He’s never really spoken to her, but he knows she’s probably Tom’s closest friend (even though she joined Sylvia’s late) and she’s one of the bubbliest characters in Tom’s year.
“Sure. Do you mind if we eat under that tree?” Matt suggests to her, pointing over at the small tree they sat under the first time he had lunch with Tom.
She nods enthusiastically, her smile still stretched wide across her face. “It’s lovely out, isn’t it?”
Her grin is infectious and Matt decides he likes this girl already, nodding along as they all start to head over to the school field. “So how come you’re free this Tuesday?”
“I normally go to choir but I’ve dropped that since I’m in the end-of-year production. My head gets all confused with learning too many songs at once! I’ve got one free Tuesday and then I’m into rehearsals most days next week.”
“You must have a big role then, who do you play?” Normally, it’s all anyone talks about towards the end of the year since there are always talent scouts who come along to see which kids have potential. There’s always whispers around the school of who might get the leading roles and then there’s always some kind of drama with the people who don’t make it into the cast.
Matt’s actually not heard much about it this year since he’s been busy with revision; all he knows is that it’s going to be Beauty and the Beast.
“I’m Madame Garderobe, so I’m not really in it that much. But I’ve got an amazing costume so they’re sorting that out soon.” She stops getting her lunch out to mime the wide edges of the wardrobe with her hands, making them all laugh with her exaggerated actions. “Tom’s got a bigger part than me, he’s Lumiere!”
“Huh,” Matt blinks at Tom. “I didn’t know you auditioned.”
Tom bites his lip and looks somewhat uncomfortable though Matt’s not entirely sure why. “I guess it just never came up in conversation.” He shrugs matter-of-factly like there’s not much more to it and Matt looks at him for a moment longer before turning his attention away abruptly.
“Well congrats to both of you,” he lifts his bottle of Coca-Cola in the air momentarily, pretending to raise a toast and he’s glad to see Tom smile in response. “Are you all doing French accents?”
“I think so! I guess we’re the most French out of all of them, even though it’s set in France?” Gi scrunches her face up, confused by her own question.
“I’ll just do my Sebastian impression,” Tom grins, impersonating the crab from The Little Mermaid in a silly manner until they’re all cracking up.
Matt tries to control his laughter, though it’s hard to stop when he hears Gi giggling next to him. He meets Tom’s eyes once the impression stops, still grinning as he tilts his head towards him. “Might need a little more practice before you go on stage.”
The conversation dies down a little as they all start to eat their lunch, not quite sure where to go from there. Matt glances up from his cold pizza when he hears Tom whisper at Gi who has a mischievous look on her face.
“So… have you guys kissed yet?” Gi smiles impishly and yelps when Tom shoves her gently. “What? You guys have been meeting up every week and with your track record…” She narrows her eyes jokingly at Tom who flushes and jabs her shoulder again.
Matt has no idea what to make of any of that. “Track record?”
Gi looks at Matt curiously then grins even wider when she realises she can break the news to him. “Tom’s kissed all the boys in our class.”
“Not all the boys!” Tom huffs, burying his face in his palms to hide his embarrassment.
“Right sorry, just most of them.” Gi sighs, pretending to apologise but too amused to make it very convincing.
He certainly wasn’t expecting to hear that today. They’ve spent a fair amount of time together over these past few months but they never really got onto topics like this. Matt didn’t want to bring it up, and it seems Tom didn’t want to either, except for a few comments that hinted to his sexuality and even then, Matt could never be 100% sure.
“Well then no, I’ve not been added to this list of boys.” Matt teases back, looking at Tom as he cringes and smiles along. “You’re full of surprises today, aren’t you?” he adds, his tone his light though he’s definitely curious about how that all happened.
“That’s a shame, I did kind of think you guys had something going on. It’s kind of cute that you meet up like this.” Gi comments casually, pleased with the chaos she’s caused. Matt has to admit he’s enjoying the blonde’s awkwardness too.
There’s a moment’s pause, until Matt starts to talk. “I wouldn’t say nothing’s going on.” He falters when Tom looks up at him, still blushing but shocked as well now. It’s hard to carry on and explain himself to the two pairs of wide eyes looking at him. “At least on my end. We just never really talked about it.”
Gi looks between the two boys in front of her and takes that as her cue to leave, glad to have helped them along in all this. She’d heard enough of Tom’s pining and figured there was something she could do about it.
“Well, I need to go and do some homework.” She places a hand on Tom’s arm lightly which takes him out of his stunned confusion. “Let me know what happens tomorrow.”
Once she skips away, neither of them break the silence. Matt fiddles with the zip on his bag while Tom seems to have gone back to his state of shock. He’s not sure how long passes before the silence gets too awkward and he has to break it somehow.
“So, what’s this about you and all these boys then?” It’s not the most eloquent start to this conversation, but he doesn’t know what to say otherwise and he is interested in knowing how all this came about.
“It wasn’t that many!” he counters defensively. “Like… 6?” Matt gives him a confused look, unsure if Tom’s questioning whether 6 is a lot, or whether 6 is the amount but he can’t exactly remember.
“I was just testing things out, figuring out if I was into guys or not. It never really meant anything. What did you mean about something ‘going on’?”
Matt isn’t exactly sure what to say, how to describe the way he’s feeling. He hasn’t dated before, and he’s never felt this strongly about anyone in a long time so it’s hard to word it in a way that doesn’t sound rubbish.
“I guess, you’re on my mind a lot. And you’re the only thing that isn’t boring in my life right now.” He looks down at the zip on his bag again, worried that Tom doesn’t feel the same way and he’ll hate him, or maybe he doesn’t want to start anything when he’s about to leave school.
“Then, I guess I feel the same.” Tom says slowly and Matt tries not to react too much, feeling the excitement bubble in his chest. He stays quiet, letting the younger boy continue. “Where do we go from here?”
“I’m not here in a few months. Do you- would you still like to see how this works out?” Matt suggests shyly and Tom looks at him fondly which terrifies him just a tad.
“Yeah. We’ll figure it out.”
And they do. They meet up after school for the first time on that Tuesday and go on their first ‘date’, although they don’t call it that out loud. It’s just a simple trip to a quiet coffee shop in town, where they’re both sure nobody they know will see them. At first, it’s weird to see each other out of school, but it’s nice and Matt feels things that he still can’t describe, emotions that are stronger than anything he’s felt for the past year. They agree to keep it all a secret for now; most of the school don’t even know that they’re friends and neither of them wants to face the drama that will ensue, even if drama is what brought them together in the first place.
Maybe a little drama does liven up Matt’s life every now and then.