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Only the dim light of the bedside lamp illuminates the small room, as he lies on his bed wide awake, his back sore from the uncomfortable mattress. The indie playlist he's listening to puts his mind at ease a little, but he still can't help glancing at his phone from time to time, expecting it to light up with a notification.
To his disappointment, the screen remains black.
San sighs heavily and rubs his eyes with both hands, closing them right after. He can't even keep them open anymore after being glued to the monitor of his laptop for half of the day. He's tired, but he knows the uneasiness he can't shake off won't let him sleep until there's a certain person in a now-empty bed right next to his.
He's worried because it's almost midnight and he hasn't heard from the boy since they parted ways after lunch. It's probably nothing, he tells himself. Wooyoung’s phone probably died because he keeps forgetting to carry a charger with him, and he must be on his way to the dormitory right now. San is almost sure.
The almost is what keeps him awake though.
San doesn't remember what it was like not to worry about Wooyoung every single second he wasn’t by his side. He also doesn't remember what it was like not to feel so much because of one single person.
Happiness, sadness, admiration, concern, warmth, nervousness, excitement, jealousy, love. All of these emotions, along with much more complicated ones he can't even name, never leaving him. Sometimes he finds it overwhelming, how Wooyoung makes him feel. But then the boy gives him the warmest smile, making his heart skip a few beats and he knows he wouldn't change this for a world.
Even if his heart aches.
It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment he fell for Wooyoung. In fact, he would say he hasn't stopped falling for him just yet, because with every soft smile, every subtle touch and every happy giggle that leaves his friend’s lips, he feels himself falling even harder. And from the beginning, from the very moment Wooyoung approached him at that one concert he went to in high school, where he felt so out of place he was just leaning against a wall and considering going home when the pretty boy suddenly gave him the brightest smile, grabbed his hand and pulled him into the dancing crowd, San knew it was going to be really hard not to love him.
There is a faint sound of the keys behind the door that catches San’s attention and pulls him out of his thoughts. He turns the music off, feeling a sudden wave of relief when the door opens and Wooyoung steps into their shared room.
"Why aren't you asleep?" He asks as soon as the door closes behind him, putting his sports bag on the floor. He looks exhausted with his sweaty hair sticking to his forehead and faint black circles under his pretty eyes, but he still manages to knock the breath out of San’s lungs.
"Why weren't you answering my texts?" San dodges his question, sitting up on his bed. Wooyoung takes off his jean jacket and throws it on his own bed before running his hand through his messy hair.
"It died two hours ago. Why? Were you worried?" the boy smiles slyly at him and San really wants to kick him.
He snorts. "You wish."
"Is that so? Then why do I have over ten messages from you?" Wooyoung shows him the screen of his own phone right after turning it on. San can feel the tips of his ears getting slightly warmer.
"Fuck you," he murmurs in response, his head falling back on all the cushions on his bed. He almost regrets flooding Wooyoung’s phone with so many texts, but then he catches his friend’s gaze on him, much softer than just a few seconds ago, and he feels warmth spreading in his chest.
"Cute," Wooyoung says, almost giving him a heart attack, and then he takes one of his oversized t-shirts, the purple one, a pair of briefs and a towel, and before San can properly react, he is off to the showers.
San closes his eyes again and sighs heavily, trying to calm down his pounding heart. He's sure life would be much easier if the beautiful boy he is forced to call his friend, the beautiful boy he is so head over heels with, would stop flirting with him for the sake of fun. Wooyoung has always been like this with him though, so he knows there's no way he will suddenly stop. San swears at himself for the spark of hope blooming in his chest every time the boy speaks to him this way. He never gets used to it.
He also never gets used to Wooyoung initiating any sort of skinship with him, as most of the times San is the one clinging to the boy. That's why, when Wooyoung comes back from the bathroom, he's rather surprised when his friend plops down on San’s bed and curls to his side, his wet hair tickling hot skin on San’s neck. The scent of his own body wash his friend must have used reaches his nose. His breath hitches and he hopes Wooyoung doesn't notice.
Maybe he shouldn't be surprised though, because lately, Wooyoung has been acting a bit differently. Sometimes he would throw his arm over San’s neck and keep it there, sometimes he would just cling to his side, or hug him from behind, putting his chin over San’s shoulder. And San would lie if he said he wasn’t happy about Wooyoung getting fonder of his touch, but he also knew something was different, something felt off and it bothered him why .
"Is...everything okay?" he dares to ask after a moment of pure silence.
"Why are you asking?" Wooyoung asks instead of answering but doesn't deny it either.
"Because you are my friend and I know you," San states the obvious, "and you’ve been acting different lately."
Wooyoung starts tracing patterns on his chest with the tips of his fingers while San feels himself slowly going crazy.
"Different how?"
San thinks for a few seconds, how to put it into words, vulnerable being the most suitable term. He doesn't say it though.
"As if there's something bothering you," he says instead. Wooyoung turns his head a bit so their eyes meet, his fingers suddenly still right where San’s heart is. San is sure that if the boy pressed his palm right there, he would feel it beating faster than usual.
Wooyoung breaks the eye contact first, placing his head on San’s pillow, looking down somewhat guilty.
"I’m preparing for a dance contest," he says softly and so quietly San can barely make the words out.
"Are you stressed about it? Because you shouldn't be. You're an amazing dancer," he assures him because he knows Wooyoung always trains so hard, pushing his own limits wanting to be the best, staying in the studio late at night to practice. San has seen him dancing many times and the amount of passion he puts into every single move never fails to leave him speechless.
"That's not it. It's okay if I don't win," he says and San frowns, confused.
"What's the matter then?"
Wooyoung lets out a shaky sigh.
"If I win, I will be moving to New York next year." There it is. The reason for his friend being so off, getting so touchy with him all of a sudden, his thoughts drifting away so often. San’s heart breaks but there is a smile on his face because even if he knows there is no way Wooyoung doesn’t win this, he feels so proud of him. Wooyoung deserves it like no one else.
"Woo, this is great, you will do amazing," he says excitedly, though he can feel this dull pain in his chest.
"Wouldn't you miss me?" Wooyoung asks, his voice even smaller than before.
The question hangs in the air, and San is looking at the ceiling thinking about a proper response because he's sure that if he looked in Wooyoung’s eyes, he would end up crying.
"Of course I would miss you," he admits, "but I want you to follow your dreams and know that I will always support you."
The silence follows his words, only the faint sounds of their breathing filling the room. Then he feels Wooyoung’s fingers move from his chest to his jaw, and the boy makes them face each other, by turning San’s head softly. Their eyes meet and they are so so close, San’s heart is about to leap out of his chest.
"There is something else," Wooyoung says, his breath tickling San’s lips. The question of what is it dies in his throat as the boy speaks up again. "Do you remember when we kissed in high school, just to...see how it feels, but we remained friends after?"
San nods, the movement of his head causing the tips of their noses to brush. Suddenly he feels light-headed, dizzy as if he's drunk. Wooyoung seems to hesitate.
"I wish we didn’t," he says, his eyes never leaving San’s, searching, reaching, but San is so lost in his brown pupils, in his words, he doesn't know what to do, what to think. Should he apologize for kissing Wooyoung back then even though he asked him to do it? He feels like he should until Wooyoung says, "I wish we didn’t remain friends."
It starts with a subtle brush of their noses and then Wooyoung’s lips part a little bit more, his head turning slightly and before San can catch up with what's happening, he feels the hotness of the boy’s mouth moving against his own, his thumb caressing his jaw. He is frozen in his spot at first, trying to wrap his mind around it, but suddenly Wooyoung’s fingers make their way to his hair and when he tugs at them softly, San’s eyes flutter shut and he sighs into the boy’s mouth, kissing him back with as much intensity. Wooyoung smirks against his lips, because , of course, he never stops being bratty.
San feels like he is about to pass out because there is a pretty boy in his bed, kissing him slowly and playing with his long hair, only the wet sounds of their tongues sliding against each other reaching their ears, making the air around them seem ten times hotter than just a few minutes ago. And yes, it's overwhelming how much he feels for Wooyoung, but somehow he still can't get enough. So he reaches for the boy’s other hand and intertwines their fingers, their hands fitting like two puzzle pieces, and it feels so right.
"I’m so in love with you," he hears Wooyoung say as he parts their lips, breathing heavily. "I love you," he says and moves closer again to press one more kiss on his lips, much gentler this time, before looking him in the eyes. He looks shy all of a sudden like he's afraid San is going to push him away as if he could ever do that.
San smiles at him softly, brushing a strand of his hair off his forehead. Wooyoung is so beautiful he can't take his eyes off him, even if he feels like he can’t breathe, his heart pounding in his chest harder than ever before.
Because Wooyoung loves him.
"I love you too," he says without hesitation and plants a soft kiss on Wooyoung’s forehead, then on the tip of his nose, his reddened cheek and finally his plump lips. "I really do, so much."
"You love me?" Wooyoung’s eyes get wider when he asks, but San doesn’t think he is surprised. He feels that deep down Wooyoung has always known that his every touch, every glance meant something more, but just knowing and finally hearing it are two different things.
San smiles at him fondly.
“How could I not? You are adorable.” Wooyoung uses his free hand to push him lightly but he’s smiling anyway.
“Stop joking around, it's a serious conversation," he whines a little, clenching the material of San’s t-shirt in his fingers, and hides his face in the crook of his neck. San melts.
“I’m dead serious right now," he says, stroking Wooyoung’s hand with his thumb. “You really are adorable, but,” he kisses the top of Wooyoung’s head before continuing, “you’re also beautiful, you always make me laugh and I feel like I can always be myself around you, I feel the most comfortable when I'm with you, you make me really happy.”
It feels good to finally say it out loud. It’s like a huge weight was finally taken off of his chest, making it easier to breathe. If someone said to him earlier that this night he would end up with the boy he loves so much in his arms, with their limbs tangled and intertwined fingers, confessing feelings for each other, he wouldn't have believed. It feels almost surreal.
Suddenly he feels wetness on his skin.
“Are you crying?” he asks, slowly moving away but Wooyoung only presses further into him.
“I’m so happy," the boy breaths out. “If I make it, I'm going to miss you so much.”
San tries moving away again and this time Wooyoung lets him. He puts his hand on the boy’s wet cheek, wiping a single tear with his finger.
“Wherever you are, I'm never leaving you, do you hear me?” he looks into Wooyoung’s eyes and the younger nods lightly. “Let's not think about it right now, yeah? Right now you're here, in my arms.”
“I love you," Wooyoung says again and presses a soft kiss on his lips one more time before hugging him closely.
“I love you too.” He lets go of his hand and puts his arm around the boy’s body, pressing him as close as he can, so there's no empty space left between them. “Let's get some sleep.”
San reaches out to turn off the lamp, before getting comfortable next to Wooyoung and closes his eyes. There is a moment of silence between them until the boy in his arms decides to break it again.
“San?” he whispers and San hums. “Are we-?
“God, you really are adorable," he chuckles. “Yes, yes we are.”
Boyfriends, he thinks to himself and can't help smiling. Wooyoung falls asleep first, the boy’s steady breathing caressing the skin on San’s neck and it feels a lot like home.
And everything is okay, they're going to be okay.