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"atsushi-kun, look what i got!"
atsushi tears his gaze away from the book he was reading, only to find osamu standing by the edge of their bed, face obstructed by what seems to be a camcorder. even so, he could tell the older is practically beaming.
"say hi to the camera!"
he gives the camera a simple wave and a smile as instructed albeit a tad awkward, slipping the old worn out receipt he used as a bookmark between the pages before placing the novel on the nightstand. "where did you get that, osamu-san?"
osamu circles around their room, the camcorder still fixated upon atsushi who suddenly feels self-consciousness creeping on his back. "it's a gift from ango-kun." he replies, sliding onto his side on the bed next to the boy, facing each other. "it's not even my birthday yet. i guess he's tired of me constantly playing with his camera, huh?"
the bespectacled man comes to mind, his features ridden with an exhaustion that doesn’t seem to be planning to leave anytime soon, and atsushi grimaces. "please stop bothering ango-san... don't you think that he's stressed enough already?"
"which is exactly why i like to visit his office a lot!" the way osamu is nodding is confident, not even an ounce of guilt in his gesture. "maybe we can bring this to- ah- our next vacation. what do you say, atsushi-kun?" he even wiggles his eyebrows and presses his naked feet against atsushi’s shin, causing him to recoil from the cold. "let's show him all the fun he's missing out. maybe he'll want to take an off day after that!"
"you're unbelievable." atsushi shakes his head with a roll of his eyes, yet he still scoots closer onto the warmth that is osamu's body, entangling their legs together under the comforter as he curls against him. he makes a mental note to text ango 'thank you' later… and maybe an apology too, on behalf his boyfriend for not letting him live in peace.
for now, he settles with watching the man lying next to him tinker with his newly-gifted camera, fondness bunching in his chest at how preoccupied osamu looks. only now atsushi realized that he isn’t wrapped up in his bandages, the scars around his neck out in the open for him to see—perhaps he’d gotten too lazy to do it on a sunday, not to mention that it’s already beginning to rain outside.
...which only mean that they'd be spending the rest of the day in.
he nearly does a fist pump at the thought, unable to stop his lips from stretching wide. atsushi can't wait to take a nap while spooning with his boyfriend after this.
and by 'this', he means whatever antics his boyfriend is about to come up with because his name wouldn't be dazai osamu if he doesn't tease atsushi to death even just for a day.
"nakajima atsushi-san, why don't you say something to the viewers at home?"
he breaks out of his train of thoughts, and the camcorder is already back on his face again, this time even closer than before now that they're lying face-to-face. atsushi raises a brow at the last sentence. what is this supposed to be, a vlog?
"what do you want me to say?"
"well, you're smiling that pretty smile of yours," osamu hums, smirking just as atsushi feels warmth blooming on his cheeks. has he been smiling the entire time? "so i'm guessing that you're in a good mood from having your dashingly handsome boyfriend home."
he responds with a half-hearted shrug, still flustered. "eh, he's just so-so looking. nothing to write home about."
osamu pouts at this, and before atsushi could react in time he finds himself already pinned on the bed, osamu's hands wriggling against his sides and lips peppering wet kisses all over his face. the camera lies forgotten on the pillow where osamu laid before.
"ehhh? so you're not happy to see me?" a strong finger jabs on his ribs, ripping a shrieking laughter out of his lungs. osamu even has the decency to puff his cheeks at him. what a giant baby. "at least admit that i'm handsome. i'll let you free if you do!"
but instead of an answer, atsushi responds by sticking out his tongue, only to be reduced into another giggling mess when osamu intensifies the barrage of tickles and kisses towards his way.
for a moment, there's only the sound of their laughter filling the room. atsushi is thrashing wildly on the bed, attempting to shake the older off of him, all the while evading the sloppy kisses on his face while emitting a full-belly laugh. osamu is also smiling, but it's more of a maniacal grin whenever he's not leaving his slob all over atsushi's face, lips smacking loudly against the younger’s skin.
hysterical laughter soon turns into labored breaths, both sporting a flushed look on their cheeks when they finally run out breath to stop with their ministrations. in the end atsushi still hasn't managed to push his boyfriend off of him, the latter taking his sweet time to collect himself by sitting on his stomach—not that atsushi minds anyway. not when the dim sunlight is filtering through the blinds like this, illuminating osamu's gentle features and his delicate lashes. how their initial roughhousing has caused his cheeks to be flushed with color and his shirt to be slightly disheveled, revealing a hint of collarbone with each rise and fall of his chest, and atsushi feels his breath catch in his throat.
beautiful.
"back to our initial agenda," osamu picks up the camcorder from its perch on the mattress and aims it down on his face once again, mop of fluffy brown hair more tousled than before. he feels his fingers twitch. "so, nakajima-san, tell us about your boyfriend."
atsushi ‘s gaze remains transfixed upon the sight before him, hands finding their place on the swell of osamu's hips, and he keeps it there, thumbs rubbing gentle circles upon the uneven skin underneath his shirt. "what do you want to know?"
"everything. what do you think about him?"
most loved.
of course, atsushi doesn’t say it out loud. just the fact that it’s the first thing that popped up in his head is cheesy enough.
so he lets out a thoughtful hum instead. "what do i think about dazai osamu-san…" his gaze trails off to the ceiling, evading the camera on purpose. "well… for one, he's really childish once you get to know him, he reminds me of a spoiled child when things don't go his way."
atsushi bites down the snickers that threatened to spill when osamu moved slightly away from the camera, eyebrows furrowed in the most adorable way possible. it doesn’t stop him from continuing, though; "he also slacks off a lot, which would cause trouble for everyone around him. he doesn't tell anyone what he's thinking or where he's going… ahh, he's a handful to deal with, really..."
osamu releases a huff, whining. "atsushi-kun!! you're starting to sound like kunikida—"
"...but he's also one of the kindest people i know."
a hand stops dead in its track, hovering right by his right ribs. atsushi turns to look at the camera square in the lens, picturing that it's osamu's brown eyes instead. "he's gentle, charming, and smart. it may not look like it, but he always beat himself up over his past mistakes. and yes, he slacks off a lot, but he also put a 100% effort for the things that matter."
osamu is looking at him from behind the camera now, and atsushi notices how his features are much much softer than they were before, brown eyes glazed over and lips parted. he takes the chance to intertwine their fingers together.
"he makes me feel like i'm the happiest person in the world, and i'm very lucky to be able to walk alongside him, let alone hold his hand like this."
he gives the hand in his own a gentle squeeze to punctuate his last point, this time letting his lips slowly stretch into a smile with his eyes locked on osamu’s.
"and i'll wait for him as long as he needs me to. i have two hands to deal with his handful, after all."
atsushi watches osamu go quiet for a while, gaze lingering on him who’s still trapped under his weight. there's a flicker of unreadable emotion behind those brown eyes that atsushi has always associated with their warmth; wistful, cautious yet raw—vulnerable. he had seen that look on him long ago, when atsushi accidentally implied that he has genuine feelings for osamu in their living room, and it makes him wonder if he would pull away and run like back then.
but he doesn't retract any of his words. atsushi already promised him all of those things and he doesn’t intend to go back on it. what happened back then was the lack of communication between them—something that they had overcome already, and the fact that osamu isn’t wearing his bandage today carries a certain weight of reassurance that he trusts him enough to be open around him. it wasn’t his response that atsushi wanted when he confessed all those things, anyway.
it's okay if you can't find the words
let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders
finally, atsushi's feels the hand inside his own squeezing back, and his heart swells at the gentle curve of osamu’s lips when he asks:
"do you love him?"
atsushi doesn't need to think to answer that question.
"with my entire heart, yes."