Archive of Our Own

1. Choking

Abby stared down at Buck, holding his hand with both of hers while using her thumb to stroke his knuckles as sirens from the ambulance filled the air. She couldn’t believe her first official date with this man ended up with her cutting a hole in his throat. She had been terrified; the second Buck drank water after choking on that bread, she knew it was all downhill from there. When she couldn’t get him breathing, she wanted to cry, but crying wouldn’t help the younger man. She faced stressful situations every day, this was no different. She had to tell herself that, at least, to make sure Buck had lived.

The blonde was out of it, exhausted and unable to talk while staring up at the ceiling.

“He’s gonna be okay, right?” She asked quietly, glancing up at the medic.

He smiled and nodded. “Thanks to you.”

The woman returned the grin, albeit weakly and then bringing her gaze to back Buck. Abby placed a hand on his forehead and smiled. “Sleep, Evan. I’ll call Bobby.”

His eyes flicked to her briefly before they slid close. Once Buck’s breathing deepened, Abby closed her eyes and let out a sigh of relief.

When Bobby got the call from Abby about Buck’s accident, he and Chim had just gotten back from a call. The second the woman put “Buck” and “hospital” in the same sentence, he bolted, trying to contain his panic as he left Chim in charge. When he got there he spoke to the surgeon to get the whole story before walking to his friend’s room. Bobby stood at the door and took in the scene before him. Buck was sleeping, face extremely pale and haggard. He couldn’t believe just mere hours ago he was helping the kid with his tie. Taking a deep breath, Bobby knocked on the door and greeted Abby.

“How’s he doing?” He asked, walking next to her.

She rubbed her eyes. “Mm, still out of it.”

Bobby inhaled. “Well, from what I understand, I’m sure he’d be completely out of it if it wasn’t for you.” Just the thought of Buck leaving them for good made him sick. It was bad enough the blonde had stopped breathing for three minutes. “You saved his life. The surgeon told me you did a pretty impressive job.”

“I’m mostly just trying not to think about it, really.”

Bobby felt bad. She looked traumatized and tired. He offered for her to go home and he could stay with Buck for the remainder of his hospital stay, but she wanted to stay, though said she could use company. The two made small talk about Valentine’s day and the date, which would be one that Buck never forgot before he suggested they go get coffee. She took him up on his offer and they left the young firefighter to rest. When they returned, the two stayed with Buck for another hour before Bobby finally convinced her to go home, promising to let her know when he was able to leave the hospital.

Buck woke up an hour after that, groggy and confused. He remembered everything, though and he was extremely embarrassed. His first date and this happened; he would be surprised if Abby still wanted to be with him after that.

“Buck?”

That didn’t sound like the dispatcher; it sounded like…Bobby? Buck cracked opened his eyes and scanned the dimly lit hospital room until landing on his captain. What was he doing here? “A-Abby…” He grimaced at the sound of his voice and the fact that it hurt to even talk at all.

Bobby winced inwardly as he listened to Buck’s wheezing and gravelly voice. The doctor had mentioned the kid wasn’t supposed to talk much, but he knew Buck wouldn’t listen even if his life depended on it.

“Cap, wh-where’s…Abby?” Buck coughed, blinking furiously. He was with her right? He hadn’t imagined the whole thing?

“I sent her home; she’s been here for the better part of the night and looked like she could use some sleep,” Bobby answered. Buck looked so weak and tired…he was usually so energetic and loud. It wasn’t normal.

Buck closed his eyes and groaned. “S-Screwed up…the date. T-Tried not to…listened to what…you said…still screwed up.”

“The only thing you did wrong was talk before you chewed your food. Basic etiquette 101,” he smiled softly. “Other than that, Abby told me she was having a pretty good time. Listen, things don’t always work out the way you want them to, but you’re alive and that’s what matters. You gave us both a scare.” A scare as in, his heart almost jumped out of his throat.

The blonde sighed and a playful smile spread on his lips. “L-Least…I didn’t…end up in bed…with her.”

Bobby laughed as did Buck until he had to stop after his throat began to hurt. “M’I gonna be okay, Cap? When can I go back to work?”

“Yeah, you’ll be fine, Buck. Your doctor said you can leave tomorrow and you’re gonna stay with me for a few days. You’ll be back to work next week.”

Buck’s brow furrowed. “Bobby, you don’t have to do that. I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not; I want to help. Besides, the doctor said you can’t be alone for the first seventy-two hours, just in case something were to happen.”

The younger man seemed hesitant. Cap was a private person and he didn’t want to become a burden. But it also seemed like the man wanted to take him in. Bobby had been more of a father to him in a year then his actual one had been his entire life. If he ever lost that, he didn’t know what he’d do. Buck longed for a family and Bobby and the 118 had given him that.

“Okay.”

“Good. Now get some rest, kid.” To add more comfort and security, Bobby leaned forward and cupped Buck’s neck. The boy seemed to lean into the touch before closing his eyes and drifting off into a peaceful slumber. Bobby sighed; he felt like this man’s father. As misdirected and impulsive Buck was- though he was working on it- he was proud of the blonde and how he was growing and vowed to protect him at all costs. He prayed this would be the last time Buck was in the hospital, though with their job, it seemed ungiven. An idea suddenly came to mind and he picked up his phone to call Chimney.

Bobby glanced at Buck who had just ended a phone call. The young firefighter was discharged this morning with orders to take it easy for the rest of the week and now they were on their way to Bobby’s…or so Buck thought.

“Abby?” The captain inquired, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Yeah,” Buck replied, his voice still raspy. “She was just checking in, wanted to make sure I was okay. I told her she could come by your place later…if that’s okay with you. If not, I can tell her.”

“I’m okay with it, but you might want to tell her to come to the firehouse instead.”

Buck looked at him quizzically. “What? Why?”

Bobby pulled his truck into the driveway of their workplace and Buck shook his head in confusion. “What are we doing here? I thought you were bringing me to your apartment.”

“Well, like I said, the doctor doesn’t want you alone and I’m on shift the next three days, so I thought you would be more comfortable and recover faster here…with all of us.”

Buck’s face brightened instantly, a huge grin spreading on his face. It made Bobby do the same; the kid was always his happiest when he was here, and they were a family; family took care of family.

“Buckaroo!” Chim chuckled as they stepped inside. “Tough break, kid. Only you would choke on bread on Valentine’s Day.”

He grumbled. Of course the team already knew about it. “Don’t remind me. It was so embarrassing. At least she still wants to talk to me.”

“No more embarrassing than proposing to a woman who didn’t love me. We all make mistakes.”

Buck smiled and Hen came up, giving him a hug. “Glad you’re okay, Buck. Now, lets get you settled in.” They dragged him to the bunks and showed him his bed.

“Lots of pillows, a comforter, your laptop and sound proofing headphones so that you can sleep without the alarm waking you up,” Chim said.

“Plus, Bobby is cooking every day, so you’ll have plenty of homecooked meals,” Hen added. “Just make sure you chew it first, or we’ll be forced to blend it and feed it to you through a straw.”

Buck rolled his eyes but snickered, in awe that he had a family to take care of him. The only people who took care of him when he was little was his older sister, Maddie…until she left him twice. His parents weren’t exactly the best, especially his alcoholic father, so he didn’t know real love until he came here. “This is amazing guys, thank you.”

The team laughed and all piled in for a group hug around their youngest. For the next couple days, they all took care of him or kept him company when he was not sleeping, or they weren’t on a call. Multiple times when they were all on the couch and the alarm rang, Buck would watch them longingly, wishing he could be back out there.

“Soon, Buck,” Bobby would say as the others pat his back. “Just a few more days.”

The second day, Hen and Chim were playing video games, while Buck watched with a smile, when he saw a familiar face appear at the top of the stairs. He sat up in surprise.

“Abby?” They had only been texting lately, because she was busy taking care of her mom and juggling work, so this was the first time he had seen her since that disastrous night. “What are you doing here?”

The two paramedics grinned, ending the game and quickly leaving the room to give them space. Abby smiled and walked over, placing a large bowl and a bottle of wine on the coffee table before sitting down. “I wanted to surprise you; Bobby said it was okay. Since we didn’t finish our date-”

“On account me forgetting how to chew-”

Abby chuckled before grabbing his hand. “Someone told me that things rarely ever work out they way you want them to.”

Buck raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Bobby?”

“Yeah and he knows what he’s talking about, so listen to him. Besides, what matters is that you’re okay. You really scared me.”

“I’m sorry and thank you…for saving my life.”

“It’s what I do,” Abby beamed.

All Buck wanted to do was kiss the woman, but he knew they were being watched; Chim and Hen weren’t inconspicuous when standing a few feet away the kitchen. “So, what did you bring?”

“Homemade chicken soup, my mother’s recipe and the wine from the restaurant. I stopped by to tell them how you were doing, and he gave it to me for free.”

“You can’t really choke on soup, right?” Buck laughed and so did Abby.

“Um, no not really…unless you’re really unlucky.”

“He is, though,” Chim cut in, bringing over two wine glasses. “Buck is like a baby.”

The blonde made a face at him and Chimney laughed, setting the glasses down before putting his hands up. “I’m going, I’m going. Come on, Hen, Buckaroo, doesn’t need us anymore. But if you do somehow manage to mess up again, Abby, I’m newly single. Did you hear I survived a rebar through my skull?”

“Yeah, yeah, stop bragging and let’s go,” Hen said, dragging Chim away. “Bye Abby!”

Once they were gone, Abby turned back to Buck. “You have great friends.”

Buck pursed his lips. “They’re more than that. They’re my family…and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.”

2. Ladder Truck

Everything was hazy, fading in and out, but what didn’t go away was the pain. He was in so much pain and he willed his body to pass out already. But the voices didn’t want him to; the voices over his head were telling him to hang in there…to stay with them. It was getting hard to breathe; over the blood rushing in his ears, he could hear his wheezing gasps pass his lips. Lips that tasted like asphalt. Made sense, he was just lying on the ground for a good amount of time. How long had he been there?

“Just stay with us, Buck.”

“Stay with us, kid.”

Bobby?

He sluggishly opened his eyes to see where the man was. He couldn’t move his neck, it being restrained by the brace Hen had put on it, so all he could see was the sky. It was moving…no wait, he was moving. He rolled his eyes around; lights flashed in his vision and he could see familiar people bounding in and out of his sight. Eddie, Hen, Chim, John, Taylor. And Bobby was right behind them. He wanted to call out to him, to thank him for saving his life, but his voice didn’t seem to want to work…the depleted oxygen in his lungs made sure of that. All he managed to get out was a hoarse groan.

“The hospital is four minutes out, okay? Come on.” he heard Hen say. Four minutes. Could he make it four minutes?

“Hang on there, buddy.”

Eddie.

Fuck, he was so cold. He could feel the intense tremors running through his body. Shock. What if he didn’t make it? What would happen then? He didn’t want to die, but he would take a second bomb hit had it meant the others would be safe. Buck closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he noticed he was in the ambulance, staring up at the white ceiling while Hen and Chimney worked over him. He glanced over to his right and saw Eddie sitting on the bench, staring at him. He looked scared…he didn’t want Eddie to be scared. His breathing stuttered as he managed to rasp out the man’s name.

“E-Eddie.”

“I’m right here, man, just hang on. Keep your eyes open.”

So tired, so cold. He couldn’t keep them open. He wondered if he would be like Shannon. Die in the ambulance before the even made it to the hospital. He would feel bad for putting Eddie through that situation again, but he couldn’t help it.

Eddie was silently panicking. His best friend…the guy that was like a brother to him, had been crushed by a fucking firetruck. Of all the things that could’ve happened, Buck’s luck, or lack of, had nearly killed him this time. Running a nervous hand through his hair, he helped load the blonde into the back of the ambulance before jumping in and closing the doors. Buck called out to him, his voice small and choked, when it was usually so loud and steady. The younger man stared at him, his bloodshot eyes filled with tears and hurt. He hated it.

“I’m right here, man, just hang on. Keep your eyes open.” He glanced up at Hen who was working intently on getting the man stable. She looked worried.

“-m t-tired.” He could feel his eyes closing before warm fingers pat his cheek.

“No, you don’t get to do that,” Eddie growled. “You don’t get to sleep right now. Come on, eyes open.”

The man gasped. “Ed…die. T-Tell…Chris-”

Eddie’s heart skipped a beat. Was Buck really doing this right now? He grabbed the young firefighter’s hand, gripping it tight. His skin was freezing. “Hey, stop. Whatever you want me to tell him, you can tell him yourself. You’re gonna be fine.”

Buck blinked and then turned his attention to the others. “H-Hen.”

“Shut up, Buck,” the woman snapped, though there was worry in her tone. “Eddie’s right, you’re gonna be okay.”

Buck swallowed; he was gasping now, and the edges of his vision were going dark.

“Blood pressure is dropping!” Hen shouted. “Buck, come on kid.”

“Stay with us, Buckaroo!” Chim barked, springing into action as he prepared for the worse.

Eddie swallowed nervously. “Buck, come on, just a few more minutes. You can sleep when you get to the hospital.”

The man stared at him again, but it didn’t seem like he was really looking, his eyes completely glazed over…and then that sound. The rapid beeping of the heart monitor before there was none at all. Eddie froze…it felt like all the blood in his body had drained. No, no, no! Buck’s eyes were now closed, mouth slack and hand limp in his own.

“He’s crashed!” Hen yelled.

Chim took charge. “Start compressions, we’re three minutes out, we don’t have time for the paddles.”

Hen began compressions, counting underneath her breath as tears formed in her eyes. “Come on, Buck!”

Eddie clenched his jaw, trying not to breakdown. This was the second time in two days he had to watch someone he loved die right in front of him. He didn’t know how much more he could take. He gripped Buck’s fingers and closed his eyes, praying in Spanish.

“Hold!” Chim said and Hen stopped compressions so that the man could check for a pulse. “Nothing.” He administered two pumps of oxygen with the bag before the compressions were started again. Seconds ticked by, soon turning into minutes. Minutes that Buck didn’t have. Brain damage would start to set in if this passed four. Chim was getting the breathing tube ready and Eddie knew he should be helping, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get his eyes off Buck’s battered and lifeless face. This couldn’t be the end, right? Please don’t let this be the end. Christopher really liked Buck and if he had to tell the kid that, yet, another person was leaving him…well, he wasn’t sure what that would do. “Evan! Wake up, you idiot!” Eddie said through barred teeth, gripping Buck’s hand so tight he would probably break it. “Wake up! Christopher needs you!” I need you. He had rarely called Buck by his first name, but maybe it would sound weird to the man and make him come back.

“Hold!” Chimney said again. Buck couldn’t die. What was he supposed to tell Maddie? God, she was gonna be so devastated. After the year she’d gone through…she couldn’t lose her brother. “Dammit, nothing!”

Hen was trying not to cry, but Buck was like a little sibling. Sure, she busted his chops most days, but she loved him. She loved all her 118 family. She could not lose him. Not like this. Not ever. “Evan! God dammit, wake the hell up!” Just like that pregnant woman a few days ago, she wasn’t giving up. She would never give up on her family.

They were just around the corner from the hospital and Buck was still unconscious. They had to get him back; they needed to get him back. Eddie could feel his body shaking; why wasn’t he breathing? “Evan.”

He suddenly felt a feeble twitch in his palm before he heard the steady beeping on the heart monitor. Buck inhaled hungrily and the three people in the ambulance cried out in relief.

“Buck!”

Eddie closed his eyes briefly, listening to Evan’s frantic breaths. “Oh, gracias a la mierda.” He felt a tug in his hand, and he turned to his friend who was tiredly looking back at him. His breathing was still weak, but they were pulling up to the entrance. Finally!

“Buckley, you idiot,” Hen said, but a smile spread on her face. “Don’t scare us like that again.”

The blonde smiled…that damn Buckley smile. “M’s-sorry…try not…to let it…happen again.”

“You better not,” Chim said, squeezing Buck’s shoulder.

“Eddie,” he rasped.

But before either of them could get out another word, the ambulance screeched to a stop and the doors open. Chim shouted information off to the doctors as the gurney was pulled out, but Eddie refused to let go of Buck’s hand. Not until their fingers slipped apart when the man was taken past the ER doors. The three of them watched as Buck disappeared. He was going to be okay.

3. Blood Clot

Something was wrong. His chest was tight, and he was finding it hard to breathe. At first Buck thought he might’ve swallowed some saliva wrong, but when he couldn’t stop coughing…when he saw the blood in his hand…

“Buck?” Bobby’s voice sounded a million miles away. He raised his head and saw the man staring at back him, concern swimming in his deep brown eyes. Or was it disappointment? Disappointment that Buck couldn’t keep it together for half an hour. He wouldn’t be able to find out, however, because his eyes rolled to the back of his head and Buck’s world went black before he hit the ground.

Eddie frowned as he heard harsh coughing coming over from where Buck and Bobby were. The whole room suddenly got quiet and turned their attention to the source. The blonde was hunched over and gasping for air over his fit.

“You okay?” He heard Bobby ask.

Buck pulled his hand away from his mouth and stared at his palm in horror. From his spot across the yard, he could see the blood and he felt like his own turned to ice. Before he could say anything, Buck vomited up more of the crimson fluid before his legs gave out and he collapsed.

“Buck!” Bobby shouted as he fell to his knees next to the unconscious man. His face was extremely pale, blood bubbling in his mouth.

Eddie’s heart nearly stopped, but he forced his legs to work. He, Hen and Chimney rushed over while he heard Athena on the phone with 911. “Oh my god.”

“Roll him on his side!” Hen shouted, sitting by Buck’s head. “He’s choking!”

Eddie put his hands underneath Buck’s back while Bobby grabbed the kid’s hip and shoulder, turning him onto his side as Hen grabbed his chin and made sure the blood was leaving his mouth.

“Buck? Buck! Come on, kid,” Bobby said, trying to stay calm.

Eddie cupped the back of the man’s head, stroking his neck with his thumb. Don’t do this, Buck, please don’t do this. He prayed someone was blocking Chris’ view of this. Seeing this would upset him badly.

“Swelling and redness of his left leg, shallow breathing…” Chim rattled off. “This is a pulmonary embolism. He needs an ambulance, now.”

“Medics are five minutes away,” Athena, said coming up to the group.

“Shit,” Hen whispered. “That’s really cutting it close. We need to keep him still as possible.”

Eddie wanted to cry; Bobby wanted to cry. How did they not see this? Why didn’t they check up on Buck more to see how he was feeling? Buck might’ve hidden it, but if they pressed… Seeing the man that was like a son to him collapse like that…spit up blood, made Bobby sick. Seeing Buck hurt at all when he wanted to do anything and everything he could to protect him made his heart ache. Why couldn’t his kid catch a break?

Eddie could feel the tremors running through Buck’s body; he could see the goosebumps on his arm and feel how cold his skin was. “He’s going into shock,” he choked out. “Someone get a blanket!”

He didn’t know who handed him one, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t take his eyes off Buck as he and Bobby draped the fleece over the youngest firefighter’s body. He hoped the warmth would help; his face was getting grayer by the second and his lips were tinted blue underneath the blood that was dripping onto the stone. He was dying. “Bobby, he’s-”

“Don’t, Eddie. He’s gonna be fine.” At least that was what he was trying to convince himself. “Hen, how’s he doing?”

She shook her head. “Not good. He’s barely breathing, and his pulse is weak. He needs oxygen.”

Bobby suddenly bent down in Buck’s vision when he saw the man’s eyelids flutter listlessly. Blood was staining his teeth pink and his unnaturally blue lips, the colors mixed to make them appear purple.

“Buck? Evan, can you hear me?”

The man stared at him with unseeing, glazed over eyes. Bobby cupped Evan’s cheek, shuddering at the fact that his skin was ice. This wasn’t good. “Evan.” The boy kept staring as he took in a shuddering breath before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he stopped moving completely.

“He’s not breathing!” Hen shouted and Eddie felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“Lie him flat again, we need to start CPR,” Chim replied calmly.

“Oh god,” Eddie choked. This couldn’t be happening right now. This was supposed to be a celebration; Buck was supposed to be okay. After all the guy had gone through…being crushed by a ladder truck, months of surgeries and grueling physical therapy, he was supposed to be better and get back with them at the house.

They rolled the young firefighter on his back and Eddie began compressions, trying to push back the tears that threatened to fall. Trying not to think about how Buck’s body folded underneath his weight or the cracking of his ribs. Trying to ignore how gray his skin was becoming. Buck didn’t need him to fall apart; his life was literally in his hands. He had to be level-headed. When he was alone, that’s when he could breakdown.

“7,8,9,10,11,12…Come on, Buck, come on! Don’t do this, don’t fucking do this!” He hoped someone had gotten Chris and the other kids out of the room. He hoped his son wasn’t seeing his Buck lying on the ground unconscious…dying. The boy worshipped the ground Buck walked on…maybe even more than his own father. If Buck died, Chris would never get over it. He could hear Maddie sobbing in the background, and he was even more determined to get his best friend back. She couldn’t lose a brother, too. Life without Buck, for all of them, wouldn’t really be a life worth living.

He barely got through a second round of CPR, when the on-call medics burst in and took charge. Eddie and the others stood back, watching as a breathing tube was pushed down Buck’s throat and attached to an ambu-bag. The whole room was afraid to breathe as the man was carefully put onto a backboard, lifted onto the gurney and strapped in.

“I’m riding with him,” Maddie spoke in a trembling voice, grabbing her things and following them back through the house. She tried to stop herself from crying, but looking at her brother, so lifeless and pale, it just made it worse. There was so much blood, coating his chin and neck and soaking his white t-shirt. It was terrifying.

“Me too,” Chim said, disappearing with them as well. He wasn’t leaving Maddie alone like this.

“We’ll be right behind you,” Bobby added as he and Athena trailed behind the gurney.

Eddie desperately wanted to go with Buck and he almost did before remembering his son. He couldn’t leave the boy; not after what he might have seen. He stood there numbly, as did the rest of the partygoers, trying to shake away the dread and not have a panic attack. They listened as the sirens went off and then began fading into the distance, even then, too distraught to move. But Buck was going to be okay…he had to be.

“Eddie,” Hen said, placing a hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch. “You okay?”

He swallowed thickly, blinking the wetness out of his eyes. “Um…y-yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Where’s Christopher?”

Chim watched sadly as Maddie sat by Buck’s head, running her fingers through his blonde curls with one hand and gripping his bicep with the other as she whispered into his ear. Maddie had been through a lot and now seeing this after watching her brother on national television get crushed by a ladder truck…Jesus, this kid was really starting to give them all heart attacks.

“Is he going to be okay?” Maddie sniffed, looking up tearfully at the medic.

“Looks like it; he’s lucky to be alive. Most people who suffer a pulmonary embolism, don’t do it surrounded by trained medical professionals. Saved his life.”

Maddie let out a sigh of relief before bringing her attention back to her brother. She tried not to think of the what ifs. If Buck had been alone…if the surprise party had not been today… The woman closed her eyes, tears dripping down her cheeks. Buck could’ve died and the reality of that was chilling. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Chim smiling sadly.

“He’s gonna be okay, Maddie.”

The brunette nodded and reached out, grabbing his hand. “I know. I know he will be. I’m still going to kick his ass for this.”

Chim chuckled. “You and everyone else.”

4. Tsunami

His entire body was screaming. Buck knew the only reason he hadn’t succumbed to exhaustion or his injuries was because of Chris. He had been searching for the young boy for hours, refusing to give up until he searched the whole town…refusing to believe he was dead even though the longer the kid was missing, the more his hope dwindled. Another reason was because he was wracking is brain as to what he would have to say when he finally saw Eddie. God, the one time the man trusted him alone with Chris, is the one day he loses him. Eddie was going to be so mad…he was probably never going to speak to him again, that is, if he didn’t kill him first. He had almost passed out earlier when he saw the amount of blood spilling from the sudden wound on his wrist and coating his arm, but he wouldn’t allow the darkness to take over. Not yet. Not until Chris was back in his arms. When he reached the triage center, he just got more bad news. No one fitting Christopher’s description had been found; he guessed it was good thing. That meant Chris wasn’t in the black tent either. He had talked to Maddie, told her what happened and ignored the fact that she was asking if he was hurt. He wasn’t important. Who cares if he was hurt, Christopher was missing!

And then he saw Eddie. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Of course, he would be here. What was he supposed to tell him? The universe was really not letting him catch a break. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment until he heard the man’s voice.

“Buck?”

He opened his eyes and straightened his aching body, using a nearby I.V pole for support. How the hell was he going to do this? A range of emotions flashed over Eddie’s features; concern, confusion…fear.

“What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

Buck swallowed thickly. “Eddie, I-”

“Wait, where’s Christopher?”

That was a good question, where was Christopher? Eddie was going to hate him so much.

“Eddie, Eddie…” That was all he could say. Why couldn’t he just come clean already?

The Latino looked him up and down before zeroing in on the red glasses around Buck’s neck and terror immediately spread on his face. “W-Why do you have his glasses?”

The glasses that he found in the pile of debris. The ones that weren’t attached to a little cute eight year old boy with cerebral palsy. Buck’s heart was beating violently against his chest and he wondered if it was possible for it to jump out like in cartoons. He could barely breathe, and his throat was so dry…it could be because of all the seawater he swallowed, or it was the intense dread he was feeling, telling his best friend that he lost his only son. The only thing the guy lived for. With trembling hands, Buck removed the glasses and held them tight.

“Eddie I…M-Me and Chr-Christopher…we were…at the beach.”

The man looked like he was going cry or maybe even punch him.

“And I…I swear to you…”

Eddie’s jaw clenched and his lips formed into a tight line while tears filled his eyes.

“I…I tried,” Buck choked, handing Eddie the glasses. He tried to speak over his gasping breath, but all that came out were incomprehensible stutters. Buck could feel the adrenaline slowly draining from his body and the edges of his vision graying. He knew he wasn’t making much sense right now. “Eddie, I don’t know how to say it…Chris, he just-”

Eddie looked up and then suddenly his eyes were on something else. “Christopher?”

Buck frowned as his friend, or probably ex-friend now, slowly walked past him. “Eddie.” He turned around to see where he was going.

“Christopher?”

And then that voice. “Dad!” It was Chris! It felt like the snake constricting his lungs released him and he could finally breathe again. But everything was starting to spin. Buck didn’t know what happened after that. He saw Eddie run up to a form being held by a woman, then he saw his team appear out of nowhere. Chim was asking him a question, grabbing his arm while Bobby and Hen were in front of him, fearful and quizzical looks in their eyes.

“Hey,” Bobby spoke, but Buck couldn’t take his eyes off Chris and Eddie. Christopher was alive. Even though he failed the kid and his best friend, Chris was alive and now he could finally relax.

“You two okay?” Bobby asked and Buck stared at him trying to register what was just asked. Sounds were distorted, blood was rushing through his ears and his heart was still beating too fast.

He opened his mouth, though he didn’t know how he managed to speak. “We’re, uh, we’re great.” The ground seemed to be pulled out from underneath his feet and Buck found himself falling forward before being caught by multiple strong arms and sat down on a nearby cot. Hen wrapped her arms around Buck’s chest while Bobby had kept his hands on his shoulder and back. His arm was on fire, but the rest of his body was freezing. Buck clutched Hen’s arm tightly, it being the only thing keeping him grounded. He wanted to cry, he wanted to vomit, he wanted to pass out, but he still couldn’t take his eyes off Chris and Eddie. This had to be a dream. This couldn’t be real.

“Hang in there, hang in there, Buck,” the woman said as he dug his face into upper arm. The turnout coat was comforting…familiar. He missed wearing one.

“We need to get him a blanket and some fluids, he’s freezing,” Hen spoke.

“And some bandages and rubbing alcohol, there looks like there’s a cut on his arm,” Bobby added. How long had the kid been bleeding? How much had he already lost? The ripped up shirt that posed as a makeshift bandage was completely soaked and Bobby remembered the blood thinners. It was a miracle the boy was still conscious. “Buck?” Bobby said, kneeling down and squeezing the youngest’s shoulder. He looked a million miles away, his eyes bloodshot and glazed over. Anything startling could tear him out of his trance and freak him out. “I need to take a look at this gash, okay? I’m gonna take off the bandage.”

Buck nodded slowly, though still not looking at him. It worried the captain. Buck being away from the firehouse was supposed to keep him safe, not get him hurt. Carefully, he removed the fabric and sighed. The wound was still bleeding, though slowly, and it was crusted over and infected. “Hen, does he have a fever?”

The woman bobbed her head as she felt Buck’s forehead. “He is a little warm.”

“Here’s the blanket and medical supplies,” Chim said, coming back from inside the V.A hospital. They wrapped the fabric tightly around Buck’s trembling form, Hen still keeping a tight hold on her friend, as Bobby quietly cleaned up the gash.

Buck blinked tiredly and all of a sudden he remembered Christopher. Where was Chris? His eyes flew open and he began to hyperventilate, trying to move.

“N-Need to find ‘im.”

“Find who, son,” Bobby asked.

“Christopher…l-lost him…Eddie is gonna be so mad…I failed him. I failed Chris.” He started to cry. “Please, I need to go find ‘im.” He tried to get up, but his legs refused to work.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Hen said, keeping him sitting down. “Christopher is fine. He’s right over there, remember?”

“Right over there, kid,” Bobby added, moving out of the way and pointing to Eddie who was cradling a whimpering Chris. “He’s safe, you didn’t lose him.”

Eddie must’ve heard him, because he walked over and was soon in front of them, getting eye level with Buck. “Christopher’s right here, Buck. He’s okay. You saved him.”

Buck seemed lost. “C-Chris?”

“Bucky?” The little boy squeaked. Eddie turned his son so that he could face his friend.

This couldn’t be real. He was dead or unconscious and he was just imagining this.

“Buck?” Chris said again, reaching out and cupping Buck’s cheek with his small hand. And that seemed to break through the fog in his head. That was real. Christopher was alive. They both were. His body slowly started shutting down; he was so tired…so cold. He couldn’t keep his eyes open.

“Chris…pher,” he managed to slur out before his head heavily dropped back onto Hen’s arm.

“We need to get him inside,” she said in an urgent tone. “He’s going into shock and his heart is racing.”

Bobby, Hen and Chim quickly lifted Buck to his feet and carried him into the building. A doctor pointed them to an empty bed and they gently laid him down.

“He has a fever and a cut on his right arm that we just cleaned, but it already got infected. He’s gone into shock,” Chim rattled off. “And his body temp is low.”

“And he’s on blood thinners,” Bobby chipped in. He prayed the kid didn’t lose a lot; it would end up making his condition worse. The nurses got to work quickly, putting him on an I.V to replenish his fluids and give antibiotics, checking his heart rate, blood pressure and temperature. The team stood there quietly until they were finished, draping a couple blankets over his body and tucking it around his shoulders.

“He gonna be okay?” Bobby asked, placing a hand on his surrogate son’s forehead. What he must’ve went through today. Buck overexerted himself to find Eddie’s son, ignoring his own injuries, exhaustion or that fact that he got hit with a tsunami wave. Even in unconsciousness, Buck seemed exhausted and worried.

“We’ll check on him when the bag is empty,” the nurse said. “But it looks like it. Doesn’t seem like there are any other internal injuries or broken bones. He’ll just be extremely sore and tired for the next week.”

“Thank you.”

The nurse left and everyone sighed in relief. Chris had fallen asleep and Eddie had placed him in the empty bed next to Buck’s, keeping a hand on the kid’s back, but staring at his best friend sadly.

“I’m gonna go call Maddie,” Chim said, taking out his phone and going back outside.

Hen and Bobby grabbed chairs and brought them to Buck’s bedside, watching him sleep. Eddie sat on Chris’ cot, running his fingers through his son’s curls. Today could’ve been bad. He could’ve lost both Christopher and Buck.

Hen shook her head. “This kid has the worst luck.”

Bobby huffed. “Tell me about it.” He knew the gray hairs he had were all from Buck giving him scares. The bombing, the blood clot, and now this. How much more could they all take? How much more could Evan’s body take?

About an hour later, Buck began to show signs of waking up. Bobby, Hen and Chim had gone out to help some more, but Eddie stayed behind to look after his boys. At least until Maddie showed up. But even then, he felt timid about leaving Buck or tearing him in his kid apart. The blonde groaned, his muscles twitching lethargically and brow creasing. Eddie glanced at his sleeping son before getting up and taking a seat next to the blonde.

“Buck?” He cupped the man’s neck. “Hey, man, you with me?”

A pair of blue eyes made an appearance; at first they were hazy and tired, but as soon as they got in contact with Eddie’s brown orbs, panic flooded in.

“Christopher!” Buck rasped, trying to sit up, but gasping when his body protested. “Eddie! Oh god, Eddie, I lost him!”

“Buck. Buck! Evan!” Eddie pushed the man to lay back down. He rarely, if at all, used Buck’s actual name, but he felt that it would be the only thing to bring the guy back to reality. “Evan, calm down.”

“M’so sorry, Eddie. I tried…I tried to find him. We can go back out…we can search for him, now. I promise I won’t stop looking.”

“Evan. Evan, Christopher is fine, remember? You saw him.”

“W-What?”

He scooted back and cradled the back of Buck’s head. “See, he’s right there. He’s sleeping. He’s okay.”

Buck blinked furiously, trying to comprehend everything. Eddie pressed his lips together, before he stood up, carefully picked up his son and brought him over to Buck. “Scoot over.”

Slightly confused, Buck did so and watched as Eddie placed Christopher next to him.

“Eddie, what-”

“He needs you as much as you need him. He’s been having nightmares, already, for the last hour.”

“But I…I lost him,” Buck choked, tears slipping from his eyes and down his dirt covered cheeks. “How can you trust me after that…how can you even look at me?”

Eddie’s heart ached. Buck was a lot worse than he thought. Eddie got on one knee and reached over his son to place his hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “Buck…it was tsunami. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was…I should’ve kept a better eye on him. If I wasn’t helping those other people or I-I was paying attention to the water when there was a surge…he…he wouldn’t have-”

“Hey, hey, relax,” he tightened his grip. “Relax, I don’t blame you, okay? The way I see, it, you saved him and that’s how he’s going to remember it. Now, it’s his turn to do the same for you.”

Buck looked down at the kid, feeling a smile tug at his lips. It was impossible not to. Chris suddenly buried himself into Buck’s chest, his small fingers grasping the fabric of his shirt and that was all it took for him to breakdown. It twisted Eddie’s heart to see his best friend so broken and vulnerable. “Oh Buck.” Why did the world hate this guy so much? It was a cruel one where Buck got shit on every other month.

“I was s-supposed to look out f-for him, Eddie. I f-failed him…I failed you.”

“You didn’t fail either one of us, got it? I’m his father and I’ve failed Chris more times that I can count. But it doesn’t matter, because I love him enough to never stop trying…and I know you do, too. Evan, look at me.” He waited until the tearful blue eyes met his. “There’s nobody in this world that I trust with my son more than you. You just have to forgive yourself. It’s over, you’re both alive and I’m so happy; I wouldn’t have been able to lose you, too.”

Buck swallowed and smiled weakly.

Eddie cleared his throat. “Maddie should be here in a little bit, but for now, sit back and get some rest, okay? You need it.”

Buck sighed through his nose and nodded, stiffly lying down on his side and letting his eyes shut. He fell asleep almost seconds later and Eddie smiled warmly as Buck wrapped an arm around Christopher’s body to pull him closer. He had so much love for these two, probably more than Buck had for them. He knew the younger man was going to have a hard time with all this for a while. Nightmares, PTSD, and forgiving himself for sure. He knew Buck wasn’t arguing with him because he was tired, but he was sure tomorrow he’d have to have the same conversation to make sure he really got it in his head. But for now, they all needed sleep…lots of it.

5. What If?

Buck’s heart was racing, his adrenaline on high as he hung outside the one-hundred ton train car that was up in the air. He had sliced through the metal, already getting the girl out and to the ground while Eddie was preparing Sam to follow. Sam…Abby’s fiancé. God, his heart ached; not so much that the woman had moved on, but the fact that she had moved on without telling him. That she left him in the dark for two years…ghosted him. It hurt. Abby could’ve at least had the decency to call or respond to his letter. To tell him he didn’t need to wait anymore, but nope. She just cut him out of her life like the year they spent together meant nothing. Clenching his jaw, Buck forced it all to the back of his mind. This was not the time; lives needed to be saved and he couldn’t let emotions cloud his judgement or focus. The train suddenly creaked, it swaying dangerously and causing his line to give slightly. His breath caught in his throat for until everything finally stilled. Blinking, he quickly got back to work.

“Eddie! You good in there?” It was safer inside the car than out, but it was still dangerous nonetheless.

“Yeah, I’m getting Sam out now!”

Eddie. Something was up with the guy; the way he looked at him when he realized he was talking to the Abby. Or when he ratted to Bobby who Sam’s fiancé was and that was the reason Buck wanted to save him. Hatred and disgust dripped from his tone; he had never heard that before. And Bobby…

“I am tired of being on the wrong side of those hospital doors.”

The man had fought him on this decision before giving in. Things got heated and Buck felt bad. He knew Bobby was just trying to protect him…keep him safe. This year hasn’t exactly been the best on account of almost dying three times. He would apologize when he had two feet safely on the ground. Sam came out of the hole in the basket and he carefully lowered him until he reached the other firefighters on the top of the other train car. Buck sighed in relief. Thank god.

“Is Sam clear, Buck?” Eddie shouted.

“Yeah! Let’s get the hell-”

The train shuddered again, this time more violently as it started to tip. Buck’s heart stopped, his mouth going dry. Shit, Shit, Shit. “Eddie?”

“Buck! Get in here, it’s going down!”

He couldn’t though; he was swinging too much to get a grip or even pull himself in. I will be crushed by a hundred tons of train car and I know that’s a lot heavier than a firetruck. He would die; this time for sure he would get killed. They said three strikes and you’re out and he had already hit his quota for near death experience. He had to think fast. Buck glanced down at the ground, breathing heavily and sweat dripping down his face. It was a good ten foot drop and if he landed right and on his side, he could survive as long as he stayed conscious enough to move out of the way before the train fell on top of him. With shaking fingers, he grabbed his knife from his belt and prayed this worked. God, Bobby and Eddie were going to kill him for this.

“Buckley! What are you doing?” The Latino shouted, poking his head out of the hole while the train shook. Any second now.

“I have to cut the line or I’m going down with it!”

“What? Are you crazy? Don’t take a page out of my book, Buck, just grab my hand!”

“Diaz, Buckley! Get in the train!” Bobby’s stern voice crackled through the radio. “Buckley, now!”

Buck glanced down at his captain and back up at Eddie’s worried brown eyes just as the train jerked again. “I’m sorry.” He took the knife and with a few strokes, he sliced the line in two. What happened next was a blur.

Falling.

Falling.

Falling.

He heard screams come from the other victims below, but someone else’s was louder.

“NO! EVAN!”

Eddie. He really screwed up this time. This time, his death would be his fault. How would Eddie break it to Christopher? God, he forgot about Chris, the poor kid. Buck seemed to fall in slow motion, sounds swirling around him, the air on his face before it abruptly stopped when he landed brutally on the ground, instant pain shooting through his entire body. He screamed loudly, his vision going black for a second. He wanted to stay passed out so bad, the pain being unbearable, but then he saw the train. It was coming down and was going to land right on top of him if he didn’t move. With whatever strength he had left, he crawled to his feet, crying out in agony when he put weight on his ankle, and limped as far away as he could…before he couldn’t anymore, his ribs screaming in pain. He couldn’t hear anything, but when Buck turned around, he saw the train car crash. The ground shook, knocking him onto his knees while piles of smoke and dirt coated the air. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t breathe, and he figured succumbing to the darkness was better than fighting with the pain. He just hoped Eddie was okay.

When Bobby saw Buck fall, followed by the train not even five seconds after, his heart dropped into his stomach. No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening; not again. He couldn’t lose Buck again. He was going to rip that kid a new one for the reckless plan he had come up with…which meant, he should be beating himself up, because he eventually let the man do it. Fuck! How could he be so stupid? The bombing, the clot, the tsunami…it had been too much for him. Each time Buck got hurt, it took another year off his life…it broke his heart a little more. He was going to cover that boy in bubble wrap and never let him leave the station. Though last time he tried to do some variation of that, it hadn’t ended well.

“NO!” He felt himself shout. Everyone around him also screamed…they froze, holding their breaths until the train hit the ground, kicking up clouds of dirt. He couldn’t see anything, and his legs didn’t want to move. He was too shell-shocked. And Eddie; he almost forgot Eddie was still in the car and was terrified another one of his boys could be hurt…though the younger man had a better chance in surviving than Buck did.

“Cap! Cap! Bobby!” He turned around and saw Hen and Chim breaking through the dust and running towards him. “Where are Buck and Eddie?”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he could find the words. “On the train…Buck, was…he was on the outside still. He fell.” He had watched in panic and bewilderment as Buck cut his line. Idiot.

“Oh god,” Hen choked. “We need to get over there.”

Bobby swallowed, forcing himself to shift out of father mode to captain mode. Buck and Eddie needed him to take charge, not fall apart. “Hen, you grab Taylor and get Eddie out of there. Chim, rally up some people, we need to find Buck.”

“On it, Cap,” the two said in unison.

They rushed to their separate destinations, Bobby, Chim and three others going around the fallen train to get to the other side of the tracks. Bobby’s chest clenched to the point where he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to; he was terrified. Terrified that he’ll find the kid crushed, again, underneath the wheels…or worse, completely unrecognizable, because Buck was right. It was over a hundred tons of steel. That much would squish a per-

Bobby squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He couldn’t think like that. Buck had to be okay. When they reached where the young firefighter would’ve landed, no one and nothing was found and that eased up Bobby’s distress…but not entirely. Where was Buck?

“Fan out!” He shouted. “He’s here somewhere!”

It wasn’t long before someone shouted that they found him about five feet away in a pile of dirt and rubble. “Over here!” Shouted Johnson.

Bobby and Chim trotted over and the captain fell to his knees next to his surrogate son, rolling him onto his back. His eyes were closed, and he wasn’t moving.

“Buck!” He pressed a finger to his neck and sighed. “He has a pulse.”

“Get a backboard and neck brace over to the east side of the tracks!” Chim yelled into the radio. “We got a man down!”

Quickly, but carefully, Bobby opened Buck’s turnout jacket and removed his goggles, which left circular imprints around his eyes as his extremely pale face was covered in dirt and blood. He unclipped the helmet from underneath the blonde’s chin, noticing that it was almost split in half which meant it probably didn’t protect his head much when he fell. It was better than nothing, though.

“Careful,” he said as Chim pulled it off Buck’s head. The medic poked around beneath his neck and upper back. “Not feeling any spinal or neck injuries so far, but we’re gonna have to be careful when we move him.”

“He must’ve gotten up,” Bobby said, not taking eyes off his boy. “He should’ve been closer to the train.” Strong kid. “Buckley…Buck?” He cupped the blonde’s cold cheek, willing the firefighter to open his eyes.

Chim took out a penlight and lifted Buck’s eyelids, shining it into his eyes. “Pupils are dilated and unequal, reaction is slow…definitely a concussion with a bleeding gash on the side of his head.” He continued to assess his friend, willing the gurney to hurry up. “Shoulder looks dislocated and I hear crackling and whistling when he’s breathing. Sounds like a collapsed lung.”

“Right ankle is swollen also,” Bobby added. Thank god it wasn’t the kid’s bad one. “And there’s a shallow wound on his left side. And several broke ribs.”

“Jesus Buckaroo,” Chimney whispered. “Can’t catch a break, can you.”

Bobby shook his head as he tapped the man’s face. “Evan, come on kid, open your eyes.”

As if he sensed the rare use of his first name, Buck’s eyes flickered open and they rolled around before he met Bobby’s. Shit. The guy was gonna be so mad…though, he didn’t look mad. He looked scared. “B-B’bby?” He was slurring, not good. He also couldn’t breathe…it hurt. Fuck, everything hurt.

“Hey Buck,” the captain grinned, squeezing Buck’s good arm. “You with me?”

“T-Train…Ed…die.”

“Yeah the train collapsed, but Eddie’s okay.” He hoped.

Buck wheezed as tears slipped from his eyes. “B’b…by…m’s-sorry. Screwed up ‘gain. You w-were right…too invested…emotional. M’sorry…shouldn’t have…fought w-with you.”

“Buck, stop talking-”

“P-Please don’t…please don’t…f-fire me. You can b-bench me…but I n-need this job.”

“Evan, relax, okay? Don’t worry about that. I’m not gonna fire you. I may kick your ass later for scaring the shit out of me, but I’m not gonna fire you. I’m just glad you’re okay; cutting that rope before the train fell probably saved your life.”

Buck smiled weakly and closed his eyes. “Th-Thank you.” He was so tired and now that he was sure Bobby didn’t absolutely loathe him, he could finally rest.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Bobby snapped, forcing Buck’s eyes open a bit. “No sleeping, kid. You have a concussion.”

“…Do? W-What…happened?” Buck shivered, his eyes closing again.

“Crap, he’s going into shock,” he shouted just as the gurney arrived. Chimney wrapped the brace around the blonde’s neck before they carefully slid him onto the stretcher and hoisted him on top of the gurney. They pierced the back of his hand with I.V’s while placing an oxygen mask on his face and bandaging up his bleeding wounds.

“Stay with us, Buckaroo,” Chim said as they pushed him back towards the meeting point where the ambulance awaited. “Stay with us. You’re gonna be okay.”

Buck just moaned, most likely not registering anything that was being said to or around him. Until he heard Eddie’s voice through the fog that was his brain.

The Latino was being helped out of the car by Hen and another firefighter, looking worse for wear, but relatively okay. He was bleeding from a wound on his head and he was cradling his right arm to his pulsing ribs. “H-Hen…where’s…where’s Buck?”

The woman opened her mouth, unsure of what to say. The silence was killing Eddie, until he saw Chim and Bobby pushing a gurney…a gurney with Buck on it. Breathing anxiously, Eddie broke free from the two and limped over.

“He’s alive, Eddie,” Bobby said before the younger man could say anything. “Beat up badly, but alive.”

“Buck!”

The blonde’s eyes opened and looked over and immediately a tired smile spread on his face. “…ddie…okay?”

“God, you estupido, tonto, imprudente. I should kill you for what you did. What the fuck were you thinking? You could’ve died!”

“M’s-sorry.”

Eddie clenched his jaw, tears pooling in eyes as he grabbed Buck’s hand and shook his head. This guy. “It’s gonna be alright. I’ll see you at the hospital.”

And the second the ambulance doors closed and sped off, Eddie’s adrenaline plummeted, and he passed out in the arms of his team, hoping that Buck being alive was not some sick hallucination.

Buck regained consciousness about four hours after a two hour surgery. The surgeon fixed his, luckily only severely sprained ankle, stitched up his gash, reflated his lung and reset his shoulder. It had been close…real close, but it also could’ve been a lot worse. He landed the right way and that’s what saved him. He was going to be on bedrest for the rest of the week and physical therapy for another two weeks. Even after that, he wouldn’t be back to work for at least a month or two. Bobby knew the kid was going to have a hard time with that; after all that he had gone through to get back with them, there was just another thing that knocked him down. The captain shifted in his chair when he heard the blonde groan, his brows furrowing and fingers clutching the sheets.

“Buck?”

He felt so sore; like he had been hit by a truck…or maybe a train. His head was pounding dully, his ribs burned as did his shoulder, but it wasn’t intense like it had been before. He remembered what happened, astoundingly, up until the point where he cut his line so he didn’t go down with the train and get crushed. It must’ve worked because he was alive and feeling.

“Buck, you with me?”

A calloused, but warm hand covered his. Bobby. It felt like his eyelids were being held down by weights, but he managed to crack them open to slits and scan the room. Yep, hospital. And Bobby was right next to him with a smile on his face, looking visibly relieved underneath exhaustion. “Cap?”

“Hey kid. How are you feeling?”

Buck swallowed, his throat aching. Must’ve had a breathing tube in at some point. “Tired.” Why was it so hard to keep his eyes open?

“Well, go back to sleep,” Bobby said, squeezing the blonde’s hand a little tighter. “I’ll be here.”

He almost took the man up on his offer when he remembered something…someone. “Eddie?”

Bobby jerked his head and looked up. “Right there.”

Buck stiffly rolled his head to the left and his worry melted. Eddie was asleep, sprawled out on two chairs and head propped up on his hand. A few cuts and bruises littered his face and a bandage was taped to the side of his head. His other arm was dressed up in a sling and then Buck realized he had one too. Great, just great.

“He’s been here since you got out of surgery four hours ago,” Bobby spoke, getting Buck’s attention again. “He’s okay though; couple cracked ribs, a mild concussion and broken arm. He discharged himself and between you and me, I think he’s just here to kick your ass for the stunt you pulled tonight. As for you, on account of being outside the train, you were a little worse off.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he sighed dejectedly. “‘Buck, I told you so. You need to stop being so impulsive.’ I’m sorry, Bobby. I should’ve listened to you. It’s just…”

“Yeah, kid, I get it.”

Tears welled up in Buck’s eyes and you exhaled shakily. “Are you gonna write me up?”

Bobby sat back in his chair. “I should; you made an irresponsible decision that nearly cost your life and you were being insubordinate…”

Buck looked down at his hands sheepishly.

“But I’m not going to. You saved two lives instead of leaving one to die. One thing I admire about you is that you’re loyal and even though wearing your heart on your sleeve may kill you one day, it makes me proud to have you around. Proud of you.” He cupped the blonde’s face comfortingly. “But I just want you to know, kid, that your life is worth it, too. You were right, you’re not Athena, but I love you like you were my own son and I don’t want to keep watching you get hurt…my old heart can’t take it.”

Buck choked a sob and smiled unevenly. “Thank you, Bobby. It really means a lot to hear you say that…and I’m sorry. I promise to try to be more careful.”

“Good.” The captain grinned, sliding his hand up to Buck’s hair and brushing it back a couple times. It was soothing and before the young boy knew it, he was falling back asleep.

The next time he woke up, Buck could hear voices. He kept his eyes closed, trying to listen and make out the words and the people.

“You need to leave. You being here will stress him out. You already fucked with his head once, I’m not gonna let you do it again.”

Eddie. But who was he talking to?

“I just want to see if he’s okay and to thank him.”

Buck’s heart skipped a beat. Abby.

Bobby had woken Eddie up a couple hours after Buck fell back asleep to let him know he was leaving for a bit. Eddie had forced himself to walk around a little and get coffee and when he returned, he saw Abby standing in Buck’s open door. Fuming, he stepped in front of her and stopped the woman from going any further. When she said she just wanted to see if he was okay, that really set him off.

“No, he’s not okay, actually, and it’s because of you.”

Abby frowned. “I’m sorry?”

“Buck risked his life, because of you. He almost died, because like always, he wanted to make you happy…he cared about your feelings. He should hate you for what you did, but he refused to let your fiancé die. If it had been me, I wouldn’t have done that; the girl had a better chance than Sam and it was one or the other. But he persisted, he went outside that train, because despite you breaking his heart, he still wanted to do something for you. He is the most loyal person I’ve ever met, and you took advantage of that. He waited for you, he wanted to believe that you would come back, because you said you would, not listening to what any of us said about moving on. He stayed in your apartment for weeks before we were finally able to convince him to leave and throw you away. You weren’t here to pick up the pieces…I was. We all were. You want to make sure he’s okay? Well, he was until you showed up again.”

Abby was silent, tears in her eyes and Eddie knew he had made her feel guilty. Good. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. “So, please…do him just one favor for once in your life and leave. If he wants to talk to you later, he’ll reach out, I can’t stop him…and I know he will because that’s just who he is. He always puts everyone else in front of himself; I was stupid to call him selfish, because he’s far from it…and you showed me that. You showed me what a real selfish person looks like. So, go…now.”

“Okay.” Abby glanced at Buck before leaving and Eddie let out a long sigh. He always let his anger get the best of him, but he couldn’t help it. The woman hurt his best friend and he didn’t take that lightly. Running fingers through his hair, Eddie turned and stepped back into the room. “You can open your eyes now, Buck…I know you’re not sleeping.”

The younger man blinked his eyes open. “How did you know?”

Eddie smiled and walked over to his vacant chair, sitting down gently. “Please, I have an eight year old that tries to pull that on me once a week. You’re not any different.”

Buck laughed, before it turned into a cough. Eddie grabbed a small cup of water and helped the man take a few sips. “Better?”

“Yeah, th-thanks.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Buck spoke, shifting on the bed to get comfortable. “Did you really mean all those things you said?”

Eddie sighed. “Yeah I did. But don’t think I’m not mad at you, too. What you did was really stupid. Not just risking your life for that perra’s fiancé but for cutting that line. It may have saved you from getting crushed in the end, but still.”

“You did it,” Buck pointed out.

“Yeah, and like I said, really stupid. I almost got trapped under 40 feet of dirt because of it. But, I do get why you wanted to save him, because you care more about others than you do about yourself…which is a dangerous quality to have despite your good intentions. I’m just letting you know now that I don’t like it…I don’t like seeing you get hurt, especially not for other people. I was wrong that day at the grocery store. You’re not selfish and you’re not exhausting. You’re loyal and selfless and kind. You give and give and give, without wanting anything in return besides a shred of love. Its not something people are used to, so some don’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how, but I’m learning. It seems like ages ago, but I get why you had the lawsuit. You just wanted to get back with us. With your family. With Shannon’s death and the tsunami and almost losing you and Christopher, I was mad at the world, and I directed my anger at the wrong person. I’m sorry, Buck. I don’t think I ever told you that, but I’m sorry.”

The blonde looked at him with wide eyes before a smile played on his lips. At some point in his speech, Eddie had placed his hand on Buck’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. It was nice; it made him feel safe. “Wow, how long were you holding that in?”

Eddie chuckled. “A long time…but it didn’t really hit me until I saw you fall, and I thought you were dead for good this time.”

“Well, thank you…for saying all that. Even though on Halloween you said you forgave me it…it never really felt like you did until now. You’re my like a brother to me and I hated losing that. Those few weeks…especially the days when you wouldn’t talk to me…it killed me. I’m just glad we’re back to normal.”

The Latino suddenly pulled Buck into hug and the blonde wrapped his good arm around the older man’s back. When they separated, Buck laid back on the pillows and grinned.

“So…you really hate Abby, huh. Sounded a little pissed off when we were on the train, too.”

Eddie sat back in the chair, suppressing a laugh. “Shut up.” He had been angry that Buck would put his life on the line for another person, especially one that hurt him. But maybe deep down he had been jealous. Wait, no, Buck was just a really good friend…right? He would do that for anyone he cared about. He found that out when Bobby told him how Buck reacted after the tunnel collapsed. It broke his heart and it made him want to pull that man into a hug and never let him go. But he wasn’t one to really express his feelings, so right now wasn’t the right time. Maybe later.

Buck laughed, too, the weight on his chest from this whole year finally lifting. He always thought he was alone, especially when he saw his future in Red, but he was wrong. He had Eddie, Christopher, Bobby, the rest of the 118 and even their families.

“Well, thanks for always having my back,” he said.

Eddie pat his friend’s leg. “And thanks for having mine.”