Archive of Our Own

5.

Tine loves the ocean. 

He loves the way the way it flowed, the way he can see his reflection twinkling on it, and the way it calmed his nerves. 

Whenever he was sad, he only looked at the ocean and everything was immediately better. He would always cheer up whenever the ocean would be in sight, whenever his fingertips would touch the calming waters, and when he swam in it in complete oblivion. There was a stream near his house and he’d always go there whenever he wants to; he’d go there after a grueling day at school, whenever his parents would have a rough fight, when the bullying weighed down on him too much, and to read the letters his best friend, Sarawat, would send him. 

Tine and Sarawat were the best of friends even though they lived thousands of miles away from each other. Sarawat lived on the other side of the country, somewhere uptown, whereas Tine lived in the less... lavishing areas. They became friends when they were around six years-old; Tine was walking around in the playground and found a boy around his age roaming around with fear in his eyes. Tine, being the extrovert that he is, walked up to him and introduced himself, bluntly asking why he was scared. The boy– Sarawat, he later finds out– was just playing football with his brother before the ball rolled away a little too far. He went to go get it, but he wandered too far and now he just wanted to go back to his brother. 

Tine offered to help him and Sarawat trusted him immediately. Hand in hand, Tine led him through the streets he knew like the back of his hand. Tine kept telling him stories of his friends, his brother, and about his six year-old life in general to keep him distracted and to bring down the fear he knows he’s feeling. It seems to have worked, considering how Sarawat kept looking at him in wonder and amazement at how he embellished a story of him fighting two monsters and coming out of it alive. He also pointed to the scar on his eyebrow to show Sarawat that the story is very much true. 

(The two monsters were actually his parents. He remembered seeing his brother, Type, being beaten up because of his grades so Tine wasted no time to defend his older brother by pushing his parents with all his little might away from him. But that didn’t end well because his father punched him to the ground so Type took his hand and they both ran out the house. They were currently staying at an alley with a makeshift cardboard house for shelter.) 

(That was just yesterday.) 

(Actually, Tine was supposed to buy some food for them since Type went to school, but he got distracted when he saw Sarawat walking around with his arms over his chest, trembling down to his toes.) 

When they found Sarawat’s brother, along with his parents, they both already knew everything about each other and Sarawat wasn’t as afraid as he was when Tine found him. Tine was about to leave but then Sarawat tightened his grip on his hand and proudly stated to his parents that his new best friend helped him go back to them. His brother– Phukong, Sarawat has mentioned earlier– hugged him and thanked him over and over for finding his brother. Sarawat’s parents also thanked him and offered him money, which Tine refused at first, but then gave in when he saw how grateful they looked. 

They treated him to a nice diner nearby; Sarawat just making him try all sorts of food and Tine gobbling on it greedily because he hasn’t eaten in about twenty four hours since he left home. He didn’t even notice the concerned glances Sarawat’s parents gave him at his dirty attire, but since Sarawat looked happy while being with him, they didn’t say anything instead. After a few more hours of hanging out with his family, Sarawat quickly scribbled something on a napkin and handed it to him, telling him that he’ll stay in touch. They left after that, and Tine gently folds the napkin and tucks it inside his pocket before hurrying off to buy food for his brother with the money given to him. 

After he went back to the alley, Type had scolded him for taking too long and asked if he was okay. Tine immediately rambled with a huge grin on his face about Sarawat and how he helped him find his family again and how he really, really makes Tine happy and fuzzy and warm inside. Type didn’t even stay mad at him and only smiled fondly at his little brother and ruffled his hair. 

When Type had fallen asleep after eating, Tine carefully brings out the napkin in his pocket and unfurled it. Sprawled on the paper seems to be an address, Sarawat’s address to be precise. Tine smiles widely at it, barely containing his excited squeal, and looking at the note on the bottom. 

‘plz rite 2 me i reely want 2 stay freinds wit u’ 

There were a few words with wrong spellings on it, but it still made Tine’s stomach feel funny and ticklish. He ripped a scrap of paper from his notebook and started to write. 

Ten years later, they were still in touch and only became closer with every letter they write to one another. Around five years ago, Type had finally managed to rent an apartment for the both of them and Tine is so glad for that because sleeping in broom closets in the houses he had to clean for money weren’t comfortable at all. 

After so much suffering because of their parents, they finally recovered and had their lives together. 

For a while, everything was okay. 

4.

Other than the ocean, Tine also loves the wind. 

When he would walk alongside the road, he would feel the wind being there for him and reminding him of its calming presence. When tears would stream down his face from all the stress in school, the wind would appear and wipe those tears away. It may seem weird to other people, but the wind would always be there for him; at night when he would visit the stream near his parents’ old house (who moved out to live somewhere nicer without even trying to find them anymore), when he’s running away from school, and at times where he couldn’t do anything but cry because he hated his life. 

He... he also felt the wind after he was left alone in an alley to rot. He felt the wind on his bare skin, after his clothes were ripped off him by a man whose name he didn’t even know. He felt the wind slapping his face with the harsh truth that he can never be safe– not at school where half of the population doesn’t like him, not at the houses he used to clean where he’d always be kicked or beaten up to relieve the families living there of their stress, and definitely not at night after just buying some food for his empty stomach. He slowly picked himself up from the ground, flinching in pain when his lower body still ached and throbbed from what happened, and walked himself home. Thankfully, Type wasn’t awake so he didn’t get to see the tears streaking down Tine’s cheeks as he hurried to the bathroom to cleanse himself from the filth, from those hands, that tongue, that mouth– 

He rubbed the soap on his skin harshly, blood trailing from the raw scrubbing. But he only scrubbed harder, quicker, to get the bruises off. To get the feeling off. To get the memory of the menacing smirk off his mind as his teeth sinked on his shoulders– 

Tine’s breath hitched in his throat, refusing to shut his eyes even when the soap stung his eyes. He’s afraid that when he does close his eyes and see the darkness, he’d be back there, to the black, narrow alley the guy cornered him into, punching him down to the ground unconscious. When he came to, he was horrified to see his hands tied, his clothes ripped and thrown off to the side, something brutal being roughly penetrated inside him and he can’t even scream because something was tied around his mouth and he could only take it even though it was so painful– 

That night, he couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t even let himself lie down on the mattress because it keeps reminding him of his position earlier– pushed down against the ragged ground and rocks digging into his back and leaving wounds. He sat on the chair across his desk, the window open so he can feel the comforting breeze, one letter in his hand. 

At times where he can’t sleep, or when he’s down, he’d always take one letter from the hundreds in his drawer. Sarawat always made him feel better, and his letters would always cheer him up when he finds himself struggling to smile. Tine takes the letter out from the worn-out envelope and unfolds it, his lips curling to a small smile at Sarawat’s handwriting. 

‘Dear Tine, 

I read your last letter and I can’t believe you don’t have a phone! I vow that I will buy you one so I can teach you the magic of using it!  

And I’ve been doing fine, thanks for asking! Man seems to have met someone in a seminar and told me that it’s true love even though he only met the guy once. But who knows, right?? Maybe he’ll find him again and the guy would feel the same as he does. Man says hi, by the way! Boss too, and P’Dim and Green, and Pear and Earn, Phukong and P’Mil (they’re boyfriends now!!), and Pam! They’re all asking about you every time you reply and even though I want to keep your letters to myself, they always snoop around and read it!! But whatever, they’re your friends too anyways.  

I’ve also started a band because of P’Dim insisting me over and over. Crazy. I don’t like putting myself out there, but you also tell me that I’m good with playing the guitar so why not? It’s fun, but I really think it’d be much more better if you get to watch us perform. I mean, you’re the reason why I want to play in the first place! It’ll only be fair!!!

I miss you, by the way. It’s been too long since we last met. Around three months ago, I think?? Three months are too long! I want to be around you more so you can talk to me about Scrubb and your dreams and everything else. I also want to give you a phone because honestly? You deserve it after all the hard work you’re doing.  

I really miss you. Write back soon.  

Sincerely, Sarawat’ 

By the end of the letter, Tine’s smile was wide and he almost forgot about what happened. He folds the letter and neatly places it back in the envelope, putting it back to the pile in his drawer. He took a pen and paper and started writing to Sarawat about what he just experienced. It was painful, but Tine knows that Sarawat will understand and never judge him. That thought makes him write faster, even with the tears dripping from his eyes and staining the paper. 

About three days later, Sarawat showed up; pounding on the door. Tine opened it with a yawn before his jaw dropped when he saw his best friend actually there, standing in front of him, holding a suitcase along with him. Tine couldn’t even utter anything as Sarawat engulfed him in a hug, telling him that he’ll always be there because of course he is. Of course he’ll always be there for Tine, and he has; he’d always go to him whenever the bullying would be too much, he’d always stay by his side near the stream when Tine just wanted to give up. 

He’s always there; cooking pancakes for Tine whenever he’d visit, which sometimes burn because he’d always be too distracted to pay attention to it. Sarawat, with the playful and grumpy exterior, who always seems to be smiley around Tine whenever they’re together. Sarawat, who never fails to make him smile or laugh with corny pick-up lines. Sarawat, who never judged him despite their stark differences in both money and living situations. Sarawat, who went to him three days after Tine sending the letter to him. 

Sarawat only visits about three times in a year, due to his busy schedule, but now he’s here because Tine told him how alone he feels after the incident. Tine feels something heavy settle in his chest as he hugged him back, tears escaping his eyes like a dam, letting himself break down in Sarawat’s arms as he whispered soothing and assuring things in his ear. 

Tine doesn’t feel safe anywhere, not even when he’s sleeping, but right here with Sarawat, he feels undeniably secure in his warmth, his walls crashing down from how much he misses him as well. Strangely, he hates his life a little less now. 

3.

Accompanied by the ocean and wind, Tine loves the night sky– stars especially. 

The stars, which dotted over the sky with their bright light. The stars, which painted beautifully across the darkness up high. The stars, which vividly shone in the abyss of black that seemed endless as more stars stretched over the distance, over somewhere Tine couldn’t see anymore but knows are there. The stars, which seemed so close to brush his fingertips at, but still so far from his reach. 

And gosh, the moon. 

The moon, which was the center of it all– bigger, shinier, prettier. The light it illuminated was brighter than any of the stars combined. It sparkled magnificently overhead, making Tine forget all the problems he had. As if he wasn’t being mercilessly bullied at school, as if he wasn’t laughed at everyday for being an orphan, as if he wasn’t raped one night that left him to be traumatized forever. 

“Hey, Tine.” He was cut off from his thoughts when he heard Sarawat speak up from beside him. They were both sitting on the grass, just across the stream– their regular hang out place. He turns his head to look at him, surprised that he was looking back with his curious brown eyes. “What do you want to do after high school?” 

Tine looked back up at the sky, letting the question echo in the air. Ever since he was a kid, he already knows the answer to that question. He knows deep down in his heart what he wanted to do, and where he wanted to go; away. Away from this cruel place, from this horrible earth. He knows that, but succeeding this dream would mean that he has to leave everyone behind. He’d have to leave his brother, his friends, Sarawat. Can he really have the heart to follow his dream when it means he’ll probably never see Sarawat again? 

Tine gulps and breathes out his answer, closing his eyes shut so he wouldn’t see Sarawat’s reaction. “I’ve always wanted to go to space.”

Silence. 

Tine nervously opened his eyes and looked at Sarawat, who nodded and looked at the sky. “Guess I’ll have to go with you.” 

Shocked filled up Tine’s expression at the words, his insides churning and turning to jelly as his heart started to skip in the way it always does whenever Sarawat is around. “Why?” 

Tine wants to know, wants to know so bad why Sarawat never hesitates when it comes to him. He wants to know why he’s choosing to be with Tine even when he can do literally anything else with all his talents. 

Why? Why?

Sarawat looks back at him, the stars reflecting in his beautiful irises, taking Tine’s breath away at the sight of them. He smiles, a soft and small one, lifting his hand to put it on Tine’s cheek, a wave of electricity erupting throughout his skin from the touch. “Because I love you.” 

Tine’s breath hitched in his throat, heart erratically pounding against his chest, their lips inches away and making Tine want to close the distance himself; to curl up in Sarawat’s warmth and kiss those curvaceous lips he wanted to feel against his own for so long. He wants him unlike anything he had ever wanted in his life. He wants, no, needs him to stay away before he can’t hold back anymore. 

“Whatever you do, you won’t be doing it alone.” Sarawat whispers, and Tine could finally see the glint of desperateness that shone in his eyes, almost as if he’s begging for permission, pleading for Tine to answer the unspoken question in the air. 

“Wat, please.” Tine breathes out, eager and frantic. “Please.” 

It wasn’t long before Sarawat’s lips finally met his. 

2.

He never said it out loud, but Tine always did love Sarawat. 

He didn’t know when it started, or how, but he knows very well that he had fallen for him. Looking back at the years that he had known him, nothing about his feelings were new. It’s like loving Sarawat has been a part of him for so long that he doesn’t imagine a day where he doesn’t. He loves him to the point where he can’t live without talking to him, or being around him, or seeing his smile, or kissing him. 

Now, both nineteen years-old, Tine and Sarawat grins at each other, hand clasped together, as they both entered the famous space academy they worked months to get in to. They both signed up to be space partners; planning to travel across the vastness of space with each other. Passing through stars and planets, side by side. The two boyfriends promised each other that if one of them would go first, the other would soon follow after. They both vowed to be Tine and Sarawat, Sarawat and Tine, back to back for life. And absolutely nothing in the universe is going to break that vow. 

“I can’t believe we’re here.” Tine whispers, smiling so widely, tears filling up his eyes from how happy he is. He’s been dreaming of this for so long, thinking it’d be a pipe dream because of his family situation. But he grew past that; grew past that shitty hole and his horrible experience when he was sixteen. He fought back against assholes in his school, became more confident in himself as the years pass by with his friends and his brother and with Sarawat by his side. 

Now, he’s here. In his dream school. With his boyfriend. 

“Believe it, Tine.” Sarawat grins, ruffling his hair. Tine smiles at him through his bangs, his cheeks blushing from the tender way Sarawat looks at him. He leans towards him and pressed their lips together. Sarawat melts against his mouth and kissed him back enthusiastically. With that, Tine’s heart warmed and swelled with affection, thinking of how much he loves Sarawat and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with him. 

Too bad he never got to tell him. 

1.

“Error. Code red. Error. Code red.”

“Shit!” Tine curses, doing his best to steer the ship away from the asteroids. But try as he might, the dense atmosphere wouldn’t allow him to move freely, causing more asteroids to hit them at all sides of their ship. 

“Fuck, Tine, what do we do?!” Ohm shouted over the blaring alarms and red that was flashing repeatedly on them, basking the white ship in panic and terror. “We– we won’t be able to last long!” 

“Don’t say that!” Phuak yells, rapidly pressing buttons and flipping switches, attempting to send a message to headquarters. But it doesn’t seem to be working from the way he groans in frustration and hits the screen. “I can’t communicate with them! We’re on a dead end!” 

“That’s even worse than what I said!” Ohm snaps in anger. But they all know the underlying fear in his tone, the terror the three of them share of the probability of not coming out back home alive. They have no contact with the only people that could help them, asteroids were crashing on their ship left and right, and no matter how much repairs Ohm had been doing, their engine is definitely still malfunctioning.

“Shit.” Tine curses again, more violently, as the ride became more bumpy and harsh, their seats jostling too much that Tine just wanted to puke from how staggering it was. But he trained for this, trained for this for years. He knew what would happen, what could happen, and he accepted that. He walked into this willingly, knowing all the risks, but he didn’t expect for things to go wrong so badly. This isn’t his first mission, but he fears this might be the last. 

But it’s fine. It’s okay because he got to live an incredible life. His friends always made things memorable for him, his brother never left his side since they were kids, and Sarawat...

Sarawat, the boy he offered a small act of kindness to and was given tenfold of that kindness. 

Sarawat, who wrote him love letters that always made him happy, even with his struggles, throughout their teen years, staying in touch like he promised to. 

Sarawat, who never forced him to do anything he didn’t like, who was gentle with him and helped make his days a little more bearable, made the nightmares appear less and made his trauma a bit more better to deal with. 

Sarawat, who always manages to find him whenever he’s down, or when he escapes from school. Who sits with him in silence because he knows that Tine doesn’t want to talk. 

Sarawat, his first boyfriend, his first love. 

He made Tine’s life worth living. He made all the shit he had went through worth it because that lead Tine to find him. He was running that day, years ago, to buy food for him and his brother. But he stopped at Sarawat instead– and he’s so glad he did because the years they spent together is bliss and something Tine would go through all over again even if given the chance to change his life. 

He... he only regrets that he never got to say how much he wants to be with him forever. 

He only regrets that he never got to say how much he wants to have a family with him, how much he wants to raise kids with him in the future. 

He only regrets not being able to hold his hand more, at not being affectionate enough, at not expressing what he feels as confidently as Sarawat does. 

He regrets leaving him behind without once telling him, “I love you.” 

Now, Tine might not ever get to see him again. 

But... it’s okay. It’s better him than Sarawat. It’s better that Sarawat doesn’t have to go through this, through this fear and pain and disaster. Sarawat shouldn’t have to be here, shouldn’t have to suffer, and Tine is glad that he isn’t here because he doesn’t get to see the tears that well up in Tine’s eyes, the panic in his face and tone as their screams filled up the ship. 

“Fuck! Tine, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry–” 

“Tine, I’m sorry, you don’t deserve this, we’re really sorry for failing–”

“Shit, guys!” Tine yells, turning his head to look at them. They were both looking as afraid as him, but they also had looks of sadness and sorrow. They both know about his situation, from his childhood up ‘till now, and they swore to protect him and do their best to make them go through this mission smoothly. “It’s none of your faults, okay?! I–” he swallows a lump in his throat, trying his best to be the strong one in the group, but it was so hard to keep the mask up. “I... I’m also sorry.” 

For leading us here.  

For making us go through this asteroid belt.  

For not being good enough. 

“You shouldn’t be, Tine.” Ohm says, a shaky smile coming up his lips. “We all knew what were walking into from the start, right? So... it’s not any of our faults. We’re just extremely unlucky.” 

Laughter filled the air as the alarms became more louder, ringing annoyingly in their ears as the engine acted up once again. Ohm immediately went to fix it, and Tine looked back ahead, a strange calmness washing over him. 

He stares at the huge asteroids in front of them, his heart clenching painfully, and thought of Sarawat. 

He stares at the void of black that seemed to consume him, choking on sobs, and thought of Sarawat’s smile. 

He stares at the stars that were twinkling in ablaze, so bright, tears finally trailing down his cheeks, surrounded with millions of those beautiful nebulas, which he loves, and thought of Sarawat, who he loves. 

Tine thought, with the thing he loves around him, along with the image of Sarawat in his eyes, that this isn’t such a bad way to go. 

+1 

Sarawat, since he was a kid, always had a wish. 

He wished for a lot of things, really. He wished for a car, for multiple presents, for money, for more guitars. He had a ridiculous amount of wishes, but there were only a few things he wanted to come true. 

His first wish? For Tine to be happy. 

When he was a teen, writing letters to him, he’d always feel a sharp stab go through his heart whenever he’d read Tine’s letters and find out about his situation at home. He’d always cry in the middle of the night whenever he remembers Tine’s smile, the faint bruise in his eye when he first met him, the real reason why he had a scar in his eyebrow. He hates how he didn’t even realize that he had been living in an abusive household until after he left to go back to his home, miles and miles away from him. 

He deserves so much more. So much more. He’s the most kindest and genuine person Sarawat has ever known, putting others before himself. He’s incredibly selfless that it surprises Sarawat every time because how can a person be so nice? How can a person do so many things for other people even with nothing in return? Not only that, but Tine is also the most smartest person ever, even if people mistake him for not. He once solved a math problem for tenth graders when he was just ten years-old. He picks up on things easily, and he also uses that to calm and make the people around him happy, just like what he did when they were six years-old; comforting a terrified Sarawat with stories of monsters and his friends. 

It’s annoying– how others would take Tine’s kindness for granted while Sarawat wanted him to have the best, to be the best, to have absolutely everything in the world and more. If he’d ask him, Sarawat would gladly take the stars and moon in the sky and give it to him. 

But unlike Sarawat, the world wasn’t so nice to him. 

Instead, Tine had to deal with two problematic parents, a complicated living situation, constant bullying in his school, and he was faced with something downright horrible that also had to happen to him. Sarawat doesn’t know how he could still go on another day with the way his life was going, with the way only bad things seems to happen to him. 

He’s the strongest and toughest boy that Sarawat knows. 

But despite that, he’s still just a boy; a traumatized child who has terrible luck since he was born. A boy who never seemed to have a normal childhood, normal parents, and had to work early on to help his brother with money. He went through literal hell but he still comes out of it smiling and bright. 

Sarawat just wishes, while watching Tine play with the water with a tender look in his eyes, that this boy would be happy. 

+2 

Sarawat’s second wish was for Tine to be with the things he loves.

As the years pass, there was only one thing in Sarawat’s day that he would look forward to; to read Tine’s letters. 

He isn’t really that social in school. He’s more of an introvert, who never approaches anyone and would rather keep a safe distance away from people. But he suddenly met Man and Boss– two insufferable idiots who wormed their way to his sides that Sarawat couldn’t even imagine not hanging out with them anymore. Through them, Sarawat managed to meet more people, more friends he pushed away at first, but eventually became very close with anyways. 

Sarawat would always write about his day to Tine, telling him all sorts of stories; how Earn and Pear tripped over their tongues while talking to each other, their crushes very much obvious. How P’Dim and Green broke up for about a month before P’Dim apologized sincerely and they were back together again. How Man still had no luck in finding the seminar boy he fell in love with, and how Pam started to like P’Air– P’Dim’s best friend. 

He’d always write about how much he misses him, and being with him, and actually talking to him verbally and not through written words. But Tine’s replies and letters to him would always make up for it, always made him happy and smiley and squeal into his pillow as he reads the sentences over and over, admiring Tine’s handwriting, his cheeks warming and his heart beating slow but hard as he presses the letter close to his chest. 

He remembers, once, when he went home after a tiring day at school. He brightened up, however, when he saw a letter in the mailbox, taking it out and excitedly rushing up the stairs to go to his room. He slams the door close and bounced on his bed, lying on his stomach. He carefully opened the envelope, grin so wide it was hurting his cheeks, as he unfolded the piece of paper inside and started to read it. 

‘Dear Wat, 

How are you? Was your day good? Did you play football with your friends again? Or did you just play music with P’Dim, P’Air, and Pam?  

And guess what? I don’t have to scrub dirty floors anymore! Type had finally bought an apartment for us to live in! He also has a part time job in a café and loves going to seminars nowadays. We just moved in yesterday! I’m really glad that Type chose it because it reminds me so much of my old room. It’s such a coincidence!  

I’ve also met another friend! His name is Fong and he’s in a long distance relationship with another guy named Chat! Fong is really nice to me and helps stand up to the bullies that wouldn’t leave me alone. I’m happy I met him because he’s so nice and he keeps giving me oddly good advice, unlike Phuak and Ohm who never does that.  

I miss you, Wat. Even though you’re annoying and always tease me! Can you visit around September? I want to see fall with you and there’s a park near our home where there are beautiful trees! I’d be really happy if you do, but if you can’t make it, it’s fine! I’ll just send you a leaf or something instead!  

Oh, and I read your question from the last letter. I love the wind, ocean, and the stars!

I’ll be waiting for your next letter!  

Sincerely, Tine’ 

Tine...

He loves the wind, ocean, and stars. 

Sarawat... doesn’t know what to reply to that. 

+3 

Sarawat was actually there with him when he made his third wish.

It was after Tine sent him a letter, telling him that he’d been raped, so he wasted no time in packing his things and catching the next bus downtown. He remembers seeing Tine’s shocked expression when he opened the door, the sleep washing away from his face and being replaced with bewilderment. Sarawat hugged him immediately, knowing how much he needs to be comforted after what he just happened to him. It only took a few seconds before Tine had broken down in his arms, fingers clutched in his shirt, sobbing in pain on his shoulder. Sarawat embraced him the whole time, wanting nothing more than to take Tine’s pain and transfer it to himself, for him to suffer instead so Tine wouldn’t be so sad and he’d always get to smile. 

But since he couldn’t do that, he did the next best thing and stayed by his side for as long as he let him. 

Later on, after a few months had passed, they were both once again together, laying on the grass near the stream Tine loves so much. They were both just basking in silence and the sight of the starry sky until Sarawat rolled over on his side and looked at Tine straight in the eyes. “Hey, Tine?” 

Tine just hums, urging him to continue. 

I wish you’d do the things you’re afraid to do. 

Sarawat knows that Tine usually doesn’t do things that makes him happy, because he’d always do things for others instead. His selflessness towards other people became so deeply rooted into him that he forgets that he has his own interests as well, that he can also want for things and doesn’t have to help people all the time. 

He just wants Tine to be able to realize this, to realize that he can also be a nice person while standing his ground. He can be kind while also refusing for others to push him around. He can still be him, can still have his pure and golden heart without having to cut corners of himself to make other people comfortable. 

He just wishes Tine can still be generous, like he always is, and pursue his own goals for himself. 

He looks at Tine, scanning his peaceful face. Underneath the moonlight, he looked so beautiful. The light shone on his cheekbones, giving it a much more ethereal and charming sight. His lips were parted, looking unbelievably soft and plump, so kissable and attractive. They had a full shape, something Sarawat always yearned to be pressed against his, wondering if it’d feel as velvety as it looks, if it’d make him feel electrified with the barest of touches. 

Gosh, when did he become such a sap? 

Tine’s eyes fluttered open and Sarawat’s breath was punched out of his lungs at the gorgeous view. The stars above them gleamed in his brown irises, making it look more stunning and striking and remarkable. He feels himself go breathless at the way those eyes glimmered with humor and a tint of confusion, his lips curling up into an irresistible smile, head tilting slightly to the side. “Wat?” 

“Huh?” He asked dumbly, gazing at the abyss of Tine’s eyes, getting lost in specks of brown and the depth of his alluring irises that pulls him closer and closer towards the end. 

“What were you going to say?” 

Oh. Sarawat had forgotten he even spoke up in the first place, which only makes this situation even more embarrassing. But he still morphed his lips into a smirk, leaning dangerously close to feel Tine’s breath, whispering, “Can I touch your boobs?” 

Tine’s cheeks immediately flushed as he pushed his face away, Sarawat’s loud laughter filling up the quiet night. “You pervert!” 

But later on, Sarawat drowsily remembers dozing off on the grass, not quite asleep but not completely awake either. He remembers feeling a soft pressure land on his lips. It was buzzing, tingling, somewhat intoxicating as that pressure lingered a few more moments before pulling away, a voice whispering after, “I hope this is better than touching my boobs.” 

Yeah, Sarawat remembers thinking idly, not sure if it’s real or all just a dream. It is better. 

+4 

Sarawat didn’t know when it started, or how it did. All he knows is that his feelings suddenly weren’t platonic anymore and it isn’t at all surprising for him. 

He knows that when he sees Tine’s enchanting eyes, looking at him or not, his heart immediately beats faster. 

Whenever he looks at Tine’s happy face, a blush would spread across his cheeks down to his neck. 

Whenever he’d see Tine’s soft smile, the image of it wouldn’t leave his head for days, sometimes even weeks. 

He remembers waking up one morning and instantly thinking, “I love Tine.” 

He should’ve known this was coming. It was obvious from the start that Sarawat would fall for him hard, but Sarawat couldn’t even bring himself to care. Tine is his everything, someone so perfect and out of this world, and he’s glad to have been bestowed with him and gets to love him as fiercely as he does. 

Gosh, he’s a goner. 

So when it turns out that Tine likes him back, Sarawat made sure to hold onto him tightly, making sure he’s happy and cherishing him like he rightfully deserves. He always went grand and extreme, simple and classic, trying out every way possible because his Tine deserves the absolute best. There were infinite ways to love him, and Sarawat will make sure that he’ll try each and every one, every single day, just loving him with all his body and heart and soul.

This time, Sarawat wishes to be by his side forever. 

+5

Sarawat looks at the screen in horror at the news report that flashed in the screen. 

No.

This... this can’t be real. 

This can’t be happening. 

Everyone around him was muttering, whispering to one another about the three people who were involved in the unfortunate accident; one engineer, one communications officer, and one pilot. The names and pictures of the three were shown on screen, but the picture in the middle stood out more to Sarawat than the other two did. 

The pilot who was involved in the so-called ‘pilot error’ accident had the name of his childhood friend. 

The very friend who, Sarawat saw with his very own eyes, had grown up to be the most determined and passionate pilot he had ever known. The friend who never stopped helping him and kept encouraging him to be a much more better person than he was yesterday. The friend, who he believed vehemently, would never die because of a pilot error, because he saw how hardworking his friend was to fly perfectly. His friend, who became his boyfriend, who always trained and studied harder than anyone else in the institution. 

It was impossible, and he refused to believe that Tine Teepakorn was killed in action because of a mistake that he would never make. 

Sarawat growls, stomping out of the room, slamming the doors behind him. He grits his teeth, hot tears rolling down his face, heart twisting painfully at the situation he was in. Tine... Tine is too young to have died just like this, like his life didn’t matter and that he’s just not allowed to be happy for once in his goddamn life. All his pain, his suffering– he tried so hard to move past that and when he finally did, he’s been rewarded with death?!

No.

No.

Sarawat refuses to believe that he’s dead. He’s come all this way, been through so much, and Sarawat will be damned if whatever god out there thinks that he’ll let go of him that easily. He’ll do anything for him; take the stars in the sky for him, go through heaven and hell just for his smile, and he’ll damn well travel the universe to rescue him. 

Wait for me, Tine, Sarawat thought while clenching the bracelet on his wrist, heart twisting as he imagines the other pair on Tine’s hand. It’s his mission now to go to space and meet Tine there. He couldn’t be dead, and Sarawat outright denies any possibility of him ever being gone. I’ll find you.

Three weeks later, Sarawat was preparing to launch into space. He breathed in deeply as the countdown flashed in his peripheral vision. 

He’s finally going to find his boyfriend, and he’s prepared to do anything in his power to get him back. He’ll make sure to bring Tine back safe and sound because there are many people hoping to see him again; his friends, his brother, and Sarawat as well. The love he harbors for him is strong enough to make Sarawat more determined, more brave to push himself to complete this mission. He thinks of Tine’s smile, Tine’s laughter, Tine’s face full of wonder, and just Tine while the ship shuttled, reminding him that it was ready to take off. 

As the countdown went down to zero and the rockets fired, Sarawat launched into the abyss of space, where he knew Tine was waiting to reunite back with his partner. 

“Wat!”

Sarawat smiles when he hears Tine behind him, his stomach stirring at the familiarity of Tine’s voice. He flips the pancakes, chuckling lightly when he feels Tine’s arms wrap around his waist. “Good morning, little buffalo.” He greets, leaning back on Tine’s still warm chest, putting his other hand over Tine’s and intertwining their fingers together. 

“Waaat!” Tine whines, chin on top of his shoulder. Sarawat glances at him and feels his heart grow warm at the sight; Tine’s eyes were barely open, his bottom lip jutted out in a pout, his bedhead topping it all off and making him look so cute. “Why didn’t you wake me up? I could’ve helped!” 

“I didn’t want to disturb you.” Sarawat answers, pressing a kiss on Tine’s cheek before going back to focus on his pancakes. “Besides, you looked so cute sleeping, drool and all.” 

“I don’t drool.” Tine mumbles, nuzzling against the crook of Sarawat’s neck. Sarawat laughs when Tine kisses him there, sloppy and obviously still sleepy. 

“Tine, sit down.” Sarawat instructed, gently pushing Tine behind him. “I’m still cooking.” 

“No.” Tine says, and Sarawat can feel his pout against his skin. “I woke up very cold and lonely today! You better take responsibility for that!” 

Sarawat smiles softly, his cheeks flushing at the words. Normally, Sarawat would say things that would make Tine a blushing mess, but Tine would always have a way with words that no matter how simple, Sarawat would end up getting flustered anyways. He loves it though; that Tine was being more vocal in their relationship and being more affectionate than ever. 

It’s been almost six years since Sarawat saved Tine in space. He, along with his team, searched everywhere for weeks, trying to track the other spaceship and the people in it among the endless space. They roamed every place, wandering far from earth, but they always drove up to a dead end. As his team was beginning to lose hope, Sarawat finally saw the identical-looking spaceship amidst an asteroid belt. They wasted no time to rescue them, breaking in the ship and taking their unconscious bodies and getting them inside their own ship. Sarawat just about breaks down when he sees Tine’s sickly pale but alive face, clutching him close to his body as they started to swerve and head back to earth. 

Tine was lost, but Sarawat always has a way to find him again.

It took about three days for Tine to recover, and Sarawat never left his side ever since. When he woke up, Sarawat hugged him immediately, Tine hugging him back in relief, tears strolling down Sarawat’s cheeks when he realized the boy he loves is here and alive, like he knew he would. 

(After that, Sarawat proceeded to tell him off, scolding him with arms crossed over his chest, walking back and forth in front of him. He warned him to be more careful next time as Tine pouts from the bed, head hanging in sheepishness as Sarawat continued to rant off how concerned and worried he was.) 

(But Sarawat couldn’t stay mad at Tine forever. He ended up kissing him gently and told him that he’ll never let him out of his sights again. Tine just grinned at him and they both shared a kiss once more.) 

Six years passed and they’re much more stronger and better now. Sarawat had grown taller, but Tine still remained taller than him by an inch or so, and he’s become much more built with all the training and exercises he’s been doing. During the year, Sarawat only built his way to the top, earning badges and medals and eventually, a high position that was passed onto him a year ago. He also had quite a fanbase, something he really didn’t care much about, but it was sort of nice to know that people liked him. 

Tine, on the other hand, was a whole lot better. 

For the past six years, time had finally been kind to Tine. He’s always been beautiful but over the years they’ve been together, Tine had grown into a man that was heart-stoppingly gorgeous. It was no surprise that he was constantly offered opportunities to model or advertise for countless of famous and popular brands. But Tine, being the kind-hearted person he was, only accepted the offers from the small-time companies and struggling businesses, which made them very successful after Tine accepted to work with them. He still trains in the administration, but when he’s finished, he always goes off to do his other job of advertising and photoshoots. Sarawat would always smile when he sees a magazine delivered to his desk, his Tine on the cover, looking extremely handsome and attractive. 

Tine was already decently tall, and his face was more angular and defined now. His sharp features matches well with his stunning eyes and bright smile that was still the same as ever since Sarawat first saw it when he was a little boy. He also had quite an amount of fans who swoons over his charming image which is honestly very laughable, considering that Sarawat saw Tine and his friends having a competition yesterday on who has the longest burp. Phuak won, and Tine stomped over to complain to Sarawat how Phuak cheated and how Tine definitely should be the rightful winner. There was a part of Sarawat that absolutely loves seeing this weirder, normal, human side of Tine that only he gets to have and no one else can.

As for their relationship, it’s been smooth sailing from there. Sure, they had a few fights often, but they’d alway reconcile for about twenty minutes later because Sarawat can’t stay mad at Tine for long and Tine doesn’t like not talking to Sarawat. They’d always argue about laundry too, and about a bunch of things that makes being with him more... domestic. More homey. The days they spend together, just falling more in love with each other everyday, fills Sarawat’s heart with a warmth he only gets to feel with Tine. 

“You want me to take responsibility for it in the bedroom?” Sarawat replies suggestively, a smirk coming up his lips as he turns off the stove, taking the pancake and putting it on top of the pile he cooked earlier. Tine’s hands left his waist and he stepped back, clearing his throat. Sarawat thought he was probably embarrassed, but that doesn’t seem to be the case as Tine calls him. “Um, Wat?” 

“Yeah?” Sarawat says, turning around to face Tine, flashing him the smirk on his face and... oh. 

Oh. 

Tine looked more awake now; his hair was still messy but his eyes were wide and shining with nervousness, looking at Sarawat with a hopeful smile on his lips. But Sarawat couldn’t focus on that when he noticed Tine’s hand, holding out something to him, fingers slightly trembling. 

It was a ring. 

Oh god. 

Oh god. 

Sarawat feels tears well up his eyes as he examines the gold ring with a red opal shining on top, a small jewel that fitted the intricate designs around the band. And upon closer inspection, it actually looked like musical notes on the golden jewelry, knowing instantly that Tine had this ring customized for him, specifically for him. 

“Well, you can always take responsibility if you say yes.” Tine starts, smile shaky and anxious. “Wat... ever since–” 

“Stop.” Sarawat’s voice came out so small, barely above a whisper, breaking at the syllable. 

“What–” 

“Tine, wait.” 

“But... but I–” 

“Tine, please, stop for a moment.” 

Tine finally stopped talking and Sarawat took the chance to breathe in and out slowly, his heartbeat rapid and loud, seeing Tine swallow nervously, eyes staring confusedly at him. 

Sarawat managed to regain his composure. He exhales and steps forward, smirking once more at him. “You’re doing it wrong.” 

“Huh?” 

“You’re supposed to be on your knees.” Sarawat says confidently, hand reaching inside his pocket and feeling the velvet box in there, something he had bought after the whole burping competition and Tine’s indignation at not being the winner. When he gazed at his boyfriend’s petulant face that time, he knew very well how much he wants to marry and make Tine his for his entire life. He’d been meaning to ask for quite some time now, always keeping the box in his pocket to wait for the perfect time to propose, and he guesses that time must be now. 

Sarawat sunk down on the floor on one knee, pulling out the box from his shorts and showed it to him. He never strayed eye contact with him as he cracks open the lid to show the silver ring with an inlay of a blue gem, contrasting the ring Tine held in his hand. He watched as various emotions crossed over Tine’s face, a choked sob slipping past his lips as he stares at the ring with realization dawning on his features. Sarawat smiled, a big dumb and dopey one, his heart going crazy from how Tine’s gaze met his, tears shining in his beautiful eyes. 

“You...” he hadn’t even finished his sentence yet, but Sarawat nodded, somehow knowing exactly what he was going to say. 

Tine suddenly drops to his knees, arms around his neck as he connects their lips together. 

Sarawat wraps his arms around Tine’s middle and kissed him back, eager and enthusiastic. Sarawat just about melts at Tine’s kiss; their mouths slotted perfectly like all the times they’ve done this before, but it never failed to make Sarawat’s stomach flip and his heart go overdrive from how passionate Tine kisses him, with a hint of tenderness that only he seems to pull off. Sarawat pushes against him needily, moulding their lips together as one and making sure to keep it that way. 

They kissed for a few more moments before eventually pulling away. Sarawat places a hand on Tine’s cheek, brushing away the tear that escaped his eye. “I can’t believe you beat me to it.” 

A breathy laugh erupted from Tine, eyes crinkled at him, a cheeky grin on his lips. “Wat, I can’t believe this. We’re actually engaged now?” 

Sarawat softens. He presses another kiss on Tine’s mouth. “Yes, we are.” Sarawat confirmed solemnly, taking out the ring from the box and gently sliding it in Tine’s finger. Another sob came up in Tine’s throat as he admired it, hiccuping as he takes Sarawat’s hand and puts on the other ring on him. Sarawat smiles at their fingers, both wearing rings they bought for one another. He looks at their wrists and sees the worn-out bracelets there, a sign of how long their relationship was and how much longer it’ll get to last. 

“I love you, Tine.” Sarawat whispers, kissing him once again because he can’t believe how long he’s waited for this. Their journey certainly wasn’t easy, full of twists and turns that threatened to break them apart, but now, the road was clear; a path paved to their very own happy ending. Loving Tine is the easiest thing he’s ever done, and he will continue loving Tine ‘till they’re both gray and old because Sarawat doesn’t imagine himself being with anyone else to spend his life with other than him.

Tine smiles, bright and vivid. “I love you too, Wat.”

They kissed again, their rings shining along with the sunlight that was filtering through their window. They kissed, feeling nothing but unimaginable love towards one another that will never fade away.