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Madelyn isn’t paying attention to him. It sounds childish and ridiculous when he thinks about, but it’s true she isn’t and that’s why he’s struggling.
Homelander understands somewhere deep down away from his own loneliness that she’s busy. This recent promotion is everything she has ever wanted, Madelyn needs to make sure everyone knows that it wasn’t a mistake giving it to her.
He was lonely. She had to understand that he hadn’t set out to make life more difficult for her. Homelander had hoped she’d never find out. But that ship had long sailed. He shifts in his seat uncomfortably as the video plays on the screen.
The public will never see this video, he’s certain Madelyn will make sure of that. It still doesn’t erase it happened.
There he is on video, milk dribbling down his chin before he goes back to the breast for more. The blonde woman, hand wrapped around slowly stroking him to pleasure her other hand running through his hair. It’s only now he can see the striking resemblance between her and Madelyn.
Homelander eyes flickering to the screen to Madelyn’s face. He can’t tell what she’s feeling. He hopes it isn’t repulsion, he can deal with her being angry, but if she were repulsed by him, by what he likes then he doesn’t think he could handle it.
“I’ve always taught you reputation matters over everything, so I’m at loss why you would meet with someone unvetted, get caught on camera. I expected that stupidity from others but not from you,” Madelyn says, switching the video off. He doesn’t enjoy her tone, angry and disappointed. “I need to know if there are any more potential videos out there or anyone I need to get to sign an NDA,”.
“There isn’t. It was one time. One moment of indulgence,” Homelander explains. He needs her to understand he’s not weak like the other. “I was lonely. I don’t know, I just for a moment wanted a connection with someone. Is that bad?”
“No. It isn’t bad. And what you did with her wasn’t bad either,” Madelyn replies, tone softer. “But you have to be careful. You know that. I’ll fix it and make it go away. Next time I need to know right away to protect you from any potential issues,”.
He wants to tell her there won’t be a next time, he can’t. Homelander wants to tell her that next time he hopes that it is with her and not some stranger, but he can’t make himself say those words either.