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josh takes a deep breath of fresh air as soon as he steps out of the crowed gym building. his head feels numb and like he's gonna pass out from anxiety at any moment. he looks around to see if there are any people outside with him, probably having their own little party rather than escaping one. thankfully, he's alone. he keeps doing breathing exercises he once saw in a tumblr page or something, in the hopes to calm down his nerves and not feel like going into a full blown panic attack.
he walks to one of the benches outside the gym, one that outlooks the football field in all its might. he takes off his jacket and sets it aside next to him. other than his trouble with breathing correctly, he's sweating a lot. he checks his phone in a moment of hoping, praying that it's late enough for him to call it quits and go home. the time on his phone only reads 10:14 pm. he barely spent an hour in that hell. the worst part is that he still has at least another 2 hours to waste at this place. it isn't like he can just get up and leave; after all, he's stuck as the designated driver for his group of friends. he'd feel guilty leaving them all here to find a way home.
why did he even agree to go to prom in the first place? he already knew he wasn't going to enjoy it one bit ever since the first poster announcing it was put up in the cafeteria back in january. four months later, his opinion never changed.
the beats for some electronic music are so loud that josh feels every vibration while he sits on the bench. it feels like a heartbeat of a giant interrupting his thoughts and feelings. he looks down at his suit and realizes how much he seems like a mess: the bow tie he chose is undone, the pink boutonnière that matched his dyed hair is a bit disheveled, his hair is nothing but frizzed up curls.
"oh god..." he murmurs to himself, his eyes filling up with tears of pure desperation. why is he feeling so miserable?
suddenly, the music got a little louder, a little clearer. josh quickly dries his tears with the sleeve of his jacket and pretends to be doing something other than feeling sorry for himself. the rusty screws holding the gym doors in place are all he could hear once the music become muffled again. he redirects his gaze from the football field to the person who brought him out of his pity prom. the outdoor lights don't help him recognize the silhouette from far away, so he dares to speak up.
"h-hey, what are you doing?" he hates that he sounded like such a scaredy-cat. the chances of the person lunging at him to kill him are very low, but you can't trust people nowadays.
"none of your business," the silhouette replies, turning his head in josh's general direction and then proceeding to walk towards him. josh braces himself for the worst, he can't tell if the guy was going to punch him or do something worse. he swallows and takes a deep breath to prepare himself for impact.
surprisingly, the guy sits down next to him. his suit jacket is unbuttoned, the first few buttons of his shirt are too, his tie and boutonnière are nowhere to be seen. with the proximity, josh finally was able to recognize him. "you're the basketball captain, right? tyler....um, joseph?"
"the one and only," his new companion replies, a harsh tone to his words. he has something balled up in his hand, it looked like a corsage. he proceeds to throw it as far as he can, getting it to disappear into the darkness of the warm may night. he mutters a string of curses, his angry tone never leaving. "fuck, man," he exclaims, "i don't understand girls. one moment, they say they love you and wanna be with you. the next thing you know, she's screwing some college guy behind your back. fuck!" he covers his eyes with his hand in shame, fully reclined on the cheap wood bench.
"i-i'm sorry, that sucks," is all josh could say. he's never had a girlfriend before, so he has no advice to give.
"i should've known. she was too good to be true. hot as shit, smart, good in bed," tyler sighs in utter defeat, "that's it. i'm done with girls. from now on, i'm gay. do you wanna make out?"
the sudden changes in the topic of the conversation take josh by surprise. he didn't expect to escape a room full of anxiety and panic to be stuck with a guy asking to make out with him. look at him now. "what?" he tries to not make direct eye contact. who knows, tyler could smell his fear.
"i said, do you wanna make out? it's only a small favor, bro. just help a guy out."
"i'm not gay."
"really? don't you hang out with that brendon dude? i heard he was dating ryan or something, so i just assumed..."
josh shakes his head. well, he hasn't really thought about it. his friends are known for being the first lgbt+ people to come out, their only claim to fame. it became so normal to him to be surrounded of people with different sexual orientations. he never looked inwards to see if the few moments he thought a guy looked really attractive was more than just a fluke before. why is he even questioning his sexuality now? it's too late to have a realization and live his life to the fullest. "are you drunk? i thought no one would actually get wasted."
"you want some? my buddy dallon has some tequila."
"oh, god no. i don't drink."
"boring. you actually planned to get through this bullshit event sober? damn. you're a trooper, uh... what's your name?" tyler tilts his head in curiosity.
the mere fact that the captain of the basketball team, the most important team in the whole school, is talking to him during prom feels surreal already. in the popularity chart, josh's near the bottom; meanwhile, tyler sits at the very top next to some cheerleaders and the hot janitor from the science hall. "josh."
"right. you're a trooper, josh. i bet that more than half of the people here are drunk. it makes the experience better."
"i doubt that. this sucks. i don't even know why i'm here. i don't even have a date."
tyler raises his brow, his interest suddenly peaking in the boy sitting next to him. he sits a tiny bit closer to his new friend josh. is it his alcohol ridden brain trying to slowly get that make out deal doing this? most definitely. why should he care anyway? his girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, can't say shit about it. "then why are you here, buttercup? seems like you'd rather jump off a cliff into shark infested waters than be at a high school prom."
"don't call me that. you didn't even know my name before i told you it. i promised my friends i'd come. my parents wanted me to 'have fun and enjoy my teens before i get into the real world' and 'get some memories that'll last forever'," he uses heavy air quotes. he shivers as he feels tyler's arm around him. he's heard that drunken people get up in your face and are really annoying, at least he's gonna get some first hand experience on it.
"i came here to fuck my girlfriend. one last hurrah before college fucks me in the ass."
"i didn't need to know that. you're really drunk, aren't you?" somehow, josh sees this as an opportunity. he can confess his deepest secrets to him and not have to worry about being exposed as a jerk. it's almost a win-win situation.
"maybe. is that a yes to the making out?"
josh shakes his head again, his nerves are weirdly calm. he keeps his eyes on the football field. he wonders how his friends are doing. they're probably dancing still, not a single care in the world. it makes him sad that no one has looked for him. they're supposed to be his best friends. they all feel like strangers to him. "this is it, huh? the best years of our lives. from here on out it's adulthood. god. it feels like i didn't do anything. 4 years gone to shit. it really isn't like they tell it in the movies."
"high school? yeah, i guess it sucks. things suck all the time. i think i'll be one of those who peaked in high school. tonight's supposed to be my big night."
"i never went to a crazy party, i never went to a game, i never had my first love or my first kiss."
tyler takes a quick glance at him. his eyes trying to adjust to the light. "you've never kissed anyone?"
"no. i was always too scared. besides, no one liked me. i think i've had one person in my entire life like me, and it was back in kindergarten. i'm too awkward and weird. i don't even know how my friends have dealt with me for so long, to be honest. i'm gonna guess you've kissed all the girls in our grade."
"some guys too, give me credit."
"you're bi?"
a shrug isn't the answer josh was looking for, but it's good enough. the captain of the basketball team being bisexual? what a scandal. it's rumored that the athletes had a few gay or bisexual guys among them, but they never came out in fear of being kicked out of their teams. maybe the rumor isn't as out there as it seemed at first. the more he thinks about it, josh knows nothing about his school. he pretends to be above everyone else, a school hipster without the hipster part. the truth is that he's just like his classmates. he isn't special.
"do you regret anything?"
"not really," tyler answers honestly, "maybe trusting my ex, but that's it. do you regret anything?"
"a lot of things. i regret worrying so much over that world history test in sophomore year. i regret not auditioning for the shakespeare play last fall. i regret not going out more. i regret not going to one of the homecoming after parties. i regret not having the guts to kiss someone. i regret being anxious over prom."
the distant music fills up the silent moments. it's like the soundtrack to their conversation. the noise of a few tree branches being swayed by the delicate spring breeze just add to the ambiance. tyler's vision begins to get blurry, the lines of the horizon getting fuzzy and distorted. he tries his hardest not to loose consciousness and try to seem as alive as possible when he asks his parents to pick him up. the nearby sob is what sobers him up just enough for him to turn his head to josh and see glistening tears going down his face.
"dude, are you alright?" he asks since his brain can't come up with a good response to this sudden avalanche of feelings.
"i- i don't know," josh sniffs, "i don't want to be here. i want to be at home. i want for my friends to care for me, but they don't. they said they do but if they did they'd be looking for me. no one in this fucking school cares about me.'' his brain feels heavy. he has nowhere to run to and hide now. he has the obligation to stay and make sure tyler doesn't choke in a pool of his own vomit. his tears dry up thanks to the breeze. ''i just wanted to have a prom like in the movies. you know, they always have a happy ending.''
tyler doesn't provide any commentary. his whole attention is on what josh is saying, even if he's losing it a bit. josh continues, ''the couple gets together, everyone is friends with each other, they have all dance to some cheesy mid-2000s song. i know it's a movie but...it would've been cool to have all of that.'' he sighs at the end, shaking his head as more tears go down his cheeks. he wants to stop crying. why is he still crying? he's acting like a baby in front of someone else. he's embarrassed about it. all of his emotions are a mess and he can't do anything to fix them.
''you don't need any of that to have a good prom, dude. all you need is to let go and have a good time. if you keep worrying about having fun, you won't have fun at all,'' the basketball team captain turns josh's head to look him in the eye and lifts his chin up a little, '' you only need to live your life.'' is this cohesive advice? not exactly, but it's comforting to josh to know that tyler is trying to help.
now that he has his head is turned towards tyler's, he feels a weird tension. a knot begins to form in his throat. he cannot form any words. the loud beat of the music going on inside the gym feel like the beating in his heart. he's never seen his companion from this proximity. tyler looks stunning. how can someone has such a beautiful face? the inside of josh's stomach is full of butterflies. a fuzzy feelings starts to build up inside his heart. he wonders if this is what people feel in movies before kissing. it's a nice feeling.
it's unclear by the look on tyler's face if he feels the same way. his head is all over the place. nothing really seems to be the way he's seeing it. although he does notice the way josh is eyeing him. the quiver of his lip and his shifty eyes are a telltale sign. it hasn't even been over 15 minutes since they started talking. maybe it's too soon...but tyler prefers to take the risk.
he leans in, cupping josh's cheek as he kisses him delicately. the breeze keeps on going, sending a shiver down his spine, along with what's happening. he's not one to be impulsive, despite of what people might think. this is something out of his own comfort zone. he doesn't really expect josh to kiss him back at all. he knows his new friend has every right to freak out about an unexpected kiss.
josh is speechless when tyler pulls away. he has no idea how to feel or what to think. he touches his lips for a brief moment, looking down at his fingertips when he's done. his eyes go back to tyler, mostly staring at his lips. "you're... you're my first kiss," he murmurs as if to make sure it did happen and it wasn't all in his head.
"i guess i am," tyler scratches the back of his neck, a bit ashamed of what he did. he should've asked beforehand.
to his surprise, josh leans in and kisses him back. his skills are somewhat sloppy and unpolished, unlike tyler's, but he manages to give his companion his kiss back. "i never thought it would feel like that," he comments afterwards. his lips can't help but form a smile. all of his worries seem to have vanished. he thinks that tyler put all of his thoughts at ease, and he cannot thank him enough for it.
"what did you think it would feel like, buttercup?" tyler tries the nickname again, and josh embraces it this time. he's totally enchanted.
"definitely not like that."
his excitement and enthusiasm gets tyler to smile like an idiot. he adores the awe and naivety josh exudes at this moment. "well then, let me keep making you feel good." he goes back in to resume the kiss; josh does the same and feels like he's going to melt into a puddle. both of their hearts are filled with nothing but a warm essence, a mix of sunshine and sparkles. for tyler it might be the slight alcohol in his system, but for josh it definitely is the exhilaration of this whole new world.
the two teens start to get lost in each other's arms, losing grip of reality as they do. tyler's anger towards his ex is fading away. she doesn't seem to be important anymore. she moved on, he should too. to be honest, the pretty boy in front of him seems bettet than her in every way. his mind goes to the question josh had for him. he doesn't have to think twice about his growing attraction to him, and if that means he's anything but straight then so be it.
"you're really cute, you know?" he says in between sweet kisses and soft touches. he can't get enough of how utterly addictive it is to kiss him. it's the best thing that has happened to him in a while.
josh's cheeks start to feel hot. his brain is realizing a lot of things but he doesn't have the time to pay attention to them. "you're cuter."
"hey," tyler kisses the tip of josh's nose, "i'm sorry this isn't the prom you wanted or whatever, but we can get back in there and make it the best night of your life."
"are you sure? it's like hell in there. i'll be the only person sitting down."
"oh no no no. i'll be with you. we can dance or we can just sit down and eat. we'll do anything you want."
the proposal is quite tempting. spending the night with someone by his side would make things a bit better. he wouldn't have to feel so alone. still, the mere thought of going back to a room full of people with music that is way too loud makes him itchy. he's not ready to go back in yet. "i kinda want to stay here," he admits with shame in his voice. he could cry again if he pushes himself to.
"alright," tyler takes off his jacket and puts it next to josh's. he pulls the boy closer to him and puts his arm around him, "we'll stay here for as long as you want. loud music gives a headache anyway."
"won't your friends worry about you?"
"nah. they're probably too shitfaced to worry about me. besides, i know that pete will win prom king instead of me. i really have nowhere to be but here with you, bro."
part of josh still thinks that this is all out of pity. tyler could really be anywhere right now, he could've ditched him from the first moment they started to talk. it's not much, but it's something, and something is all he needs right now. "thank you," his mouth curves into a smile, "i'm sorry your girlfriend cheated on you...again."
"c'est la vie. you're making things better though."
"is that so?"
"duh. a pretty guy never hurt anybody," tyler winks at him and looks at the football field in front of them. everything that he had planned for tonight has officially gone down the drain; his big night is not even within reach. he looks back at josh, who is staring up at the sky with all of its stars, and he doesn't care about his plans anymore. "i know we've never talked before this but would you wanna go out tomorrow?"
josh furrows his brows in confusion. "to hangout?"
"no! i'm asking you out on a date. thought me having my arm around you and kissing you would be good clues for that."
"oh..." josh clears his throat, "i think that'd be nice."
"is that a yes?"
"yes."
tyler kisses him one more time just for the sake of it. josh leans his head and rests it on tyler's shoulder while both look up at the stars and admire the beauty of the moon. the breeze has calmed down, although the tree branches keep swaying in the wind. they don't need to wonder about the people they came with and what they're up to. they're having their own version of prom, even if that means only enjoying each other's company.
an idea comes up in the basketball captain's head. he reaches for his phone in his pocket to play some of their own music. thankfully he has the perfect playlist for the occasion. he turns up the volume and the sweet melodies of the song fill up the silence. he gets up from the bench and offers his hand to josh. "you said you didn't want to go inside and dance but can we dance here?"
"of course," josh nods and takes his hand. he doesn't have much experience with slow dancing but he wants to try for tyler. he gets shivers down his spine when tyler puts his other hand on the small of his back, taking control of their movements for the most part.
they let go of their worries once more as they sway along to the notes of the song. josh rests his head on tyler's shoulder again. he feels good, he feels safe. they slow dance for every song, including the ones with faster beats, just like the protagonists of a movie in the final shot. it's an amazing moment.
tyler is loving this. it's exactly what he pictured in his mind. a few details here and there are different, but that doesn't stop him from feeling great. he never needed the alcohol or all the attention from winning prom king at all. he just wanted something real for once, and here he is in his arms.
josh feels like he's in cloud nine. in the short amount of time he's been with tyler he feels so loved and cared for. it's everything he's been missing. all of the pieces in his head are falling into place. maybe he didn't get to dance with his friends to cheesy mid-2000s songs or have the absolute best night of his life, but this is even better. he needs to give some credit to his parents; tonight really is a night he'll remember forever.
prom turns out to be better than expected. at least the biggest thing of all teen coming of age movies is true: the couple does get together in the end.