Archive of Our Own

Kazuichi only notices the number of students present when he reaches his second class. Way less than usual, fewer students in each of his classes, both the ones he’s teaching and the ones he’s attending. There’s been a virus spreading across the country but based on his google searches, it hasn’t entered his district yet, at least he doesn't think so but who knows how often they’re updating the numbers. 

He gets an email in the middle of his lecture stating that students showing symptoms should remain home, and after that, only a handful of students (barely enough to fill out the front row) attend. 

He sends out a reminder that the take-home test is still due at the end of the day, and to drop it off at his office. It frees up his afternoon, and he works on his own project due for another class. 

“Wow, teach, canceling class so you can play with gadgets?” A loud voice cuts Kazuichi’s concentration like shrapnel, causing him to flinch at the suddenness of it. The table teeters just slightly, dropping the model, and the legos scatter all over the place. He looks up and frowns. He spent hours on that.

“Hi Iruma,” his groan muffles as he buries himself into his calloused hands.

“Hey cockroach!” He spreads his fingers enough to shoot a glare. She stares back with that snarl of hers. “That’s not how you’re supposed to greet me!”

“I’m your profess-”

“Teacher assistant, cockwad,” Miu corrects him, “I don’t need to give you more respect than you deserve.” She cackles, sitting herself up on his desk and giving him a nice view of her fishnet stockings – she isn’t wrong to present herself as the gorgeous girl genius, but he likes her more for her genius side. She knows this too, which is why she gets away with the stuff that she does. Like this, sitting on his desk like she’s about to star in her own adult film.

“Where’s your test? I’ll grade it now since my last three hours went to waste,” He pours as much annoyance into his voice as it’ll allow, but he’s silently grateful for the distraction. He was getting bored with the legos, and he already has a good idea of what he can do to improve the next iteration of his model. He’ll try using plastic water bottles, it should be fun to work with, and the texture would be enough to keep him from getting sidetracked– Miu is waving her papers in his face.

“You don’t need to see it, I’m getting an A already.” With a smug smile, she drops her messy papers on his keyboard. “Now where the fuck are the blueprints for our little project?” She gets up and starts flipping through his paperwork on the other desk.

“Should be in the bottom drawer,” he says mindlessly as he starts deciphering Miu’s sickeningly illiterate handwriting. “God Miu, who the hell taught you how to write?” He grumbles when the numbers themselves are hardly recognizable. 

“Yeah, well… maybe you don’t know how to read.” Her voice is volumes softer and choppier with that bruise on her ego. 

Kazuichi grins. 

“Found it,” Her excitement cheers, voice back to normal. “I guess I’ll just be on my way. Email me when you find out that I made a hundred again.” 

He does email her later, saying: 

We go through this every exam Miu, I cannot for the life of me ever read your handwriting. 

She emails back something foul.

+++

The smell of the apartment hits him from the hallway, it’s like walking into those pet stores. It almost feels like the air is slightly humid with how heady the smell is. Kazuichi would think he should be used to it by now, but honestly, he thinks he’s going to choke on it one of these days, the scent coiling like a hairball in his chest.

He doesn’t see his goth roommate when he walks in, but he hears him.

“Come Dark Devas, time to bathe your majestic forms!”

Kazuichi walks into their shared bedroom and collapses onto his bed when he sees Gundham scurrying after a little hamster, steering it towards the bathroom. He’s always giving his hamsters a bath; they probably bathe more than Kazuichi does – he self-consciously looks down at himself and confirms his gross habits. His shirt is a mess, and he knows his hair is painted black from motor oil – he ended up building a monstrosity in his office, and it partially followed him home. He touches it to see how much is in his hair, and it stains his fingers with its dark goop.

He considers waiting until they’re done with the bathroom, but nah. “Too tired for that.”

He wipes it on his shirt, rolls off the bed, strips down to a tank top, and slips into gym shorts. He drops his dirty clothing at the foot of his bed, where a small pile from his previous I’m-too-tired-to-deal-with-this stains are forming.

He wraps his hair in an old ratty shirt that peeks out from under the bed, then he happily falls asleep over his covers, still leaving his comforter looking like an oily rag.

+++

Gundham doesn’t like sharing his space – with other humans, other beings were just fine but humans are where he draws the line. First of all, they’re disgusting, and whiney, and too emotionally charged, and and and ANNOYING! The list could pile up since Gundham has his roommate in mind, but he won’t go as far as condemn the entire human race to Kazuichi’s level. But to be concise, Kazuichi’s existence is deplorable. His roommate is the living, walking, damned reminder that once Gundham gets his research grant, he’ll never ever be in human contact again, he’s going to up and vanish in the mountains with his mini zoo.

His phone buzzes, his friend sends him a picture of a bug.

Well, maybe a little human contact is okay, only as a treat.

+++

It’s not like Kazuichi wanted to live with his roommate, no, quite the opposite really, but it beat handing over his entire paycheck just to live somewhere alone. Students in the graduate program are supposed to be guaranteed a place to live – a single with lots of space and nice amenities – but again, emphasis on the single. It would’ve worked out that way for him if it weren’t for the one undergraduate student who “accidentally” made a stink bomb in their chemistry lab and “accidentally” set it off before a major test.

So thanks to that kid, Kazuichi is waking up to a snake on his chest.

He’s been in a similar situation enough times to know not to make any sudden movements. Keeping his chest from going into that labored breathing mode that sends his body inflating up like a balloon (IN OUT IN OUT) because it’ll startle the animal into biting him, he’s too focused on trying to breathe semi-normally that he doesn’t realize the shrill whine that envelopes each of his exhales.

The snake’s eyes flicker to his, and maybe Kazuichi starts crying, but only because he really, really hates reptiles. He keeps still because he thinks he remembers something about if you don’t move, then they can’t see you. Sure, it was about dinosaurs, but judging the animosity radiating from this thing, it’s a mini T-Rex born without limbs. Yep, look at those fangs, definitely a dinosaur.

His whines hike up to a pleading chant of his roommate’s name, almost too high-pitched to be comprehensible.

Yet Gundham walks in, his ears are more adept than others, so he knows a plea of help from most animals, especially that of his roommate. Eyeliner half done, the pencil is still in his hand, and there’s a look of unforgivable annoyance hard on his face because he who dares mess with Gundham’s strict morning routine should face the wrath of his undone and pasty face. The wrath is short-lived and replaced with… amusement?

“Is he bothering you, Tiffany?” Always tender kindness with the predators, but what about Kazuichi? He feels like he’s been buried under thick ice, his fear holding him hostage. “Relax Souda, I’m not reckless enough to house an animal that will kill you.” But there’s a glint in his eye that tells Kazuichi that he has no qualms about them biting him.

Kazuichi’s jaw slackens when Gundham comes to his bedside, his dentist told him to stop clenching his teeth so much, but if they only knew what he lived with then he thinks they’ll be surprised that his teeth are still intact. The snake weaves its way up his roommate’s bandaged arms and neckless itself along his bare throat. Suddenly, Kazuichi can’t swallow because how in the world is someone okay with a thick reptile choking him at any possible second.

“You’re begging to die,”

“They wouldn’t dare hurt me, I’m an eternal being.” Gundham rubs at the snake’s chin and returns to the bathroom to finish applying his eyeliner.

“One more week until spring break,” He whispers the promise to himself as he pulls the blanket over his head, pretending that this is all a bad dream.

+++

“When’s the last time you showered?” Gundham asks, but since he’s not in the room Kazuichi dismisses it as if he’s talking to one of his animals, so he goes back to reviewing his students’ tests. 

He should switch over to multiple-choice tests or oral examinations or something because his exams take forever to grade. He grumbles as he flips through the remaining stack, so many of these open answer questions are pages long, these engineers are so meticulous. 

“You reek,” Kazuichi finally looks and him, and there he is, grimacing from the doorframe. “You still have the same stains in your hair from the other day.” Judgement evident. 

Oh, that explains why Gundham hasn’t been in the room. 

Kazuichi grabs a lock of pink hair to examine how oily it is to measure how long ago he washed it. Evidence points to… he’s too embarrassed to admit how long it’s been, so he mumbles. “Didn’t realize time going by so quickly.” 

Maybe if he doesn’t shower until break begins, his roommate will avoid him! If that's the case, it’ll be a good idea to cancel class this Wednesday since not as many students are showing up anyways. Plus, he doesn’t want them to catch a whiff of what he’s sporting either. 

+++

Due to the nature of his field, Gundham’s classes aren’t meeting in person until after the break, which is okay for him because the way he set up his syllabus, he gave himself some wiggle room in case of rare circumstances (aka when his pregnant cat gives birth - not for the extreme chance of a pandemic, but it works out). Certain animals have been under sharp scrutiny since the outbreak, so his laboratories were the first to get notified about possible changes, etc.  

He planned to walk dogs and pet sit for various people over the break like usual while some of his colleagues look after some of the laboratory animals, but from what it looks like, he’ll have to host more animals at his apartment over the break, which is… also okay. He sighs, rubbing at his temples. He just needs to rearrange how he’s planning everything. 

Once his roommate leaves for the break, that’ll free up more space for the reptiles that he needs to bring home tomorrow since his colleague who is usually in charge of the reptiles is still out of town. It makes him a little nervous, but the department head told him that they shouldn’t be in his care for too long, a few days at most since her conference is getting cut short due to everything. But for the time being, the living room will have to do. He can set up the terrariums in the meantime.

He gets an email from one of his students asking about the lab report submission details. That’s something he forgot, he hasn’t been able to really spend much time at his desk (where his planner is) because of Kazuichi’s putrid smell. He was going to have it due today, but he’ll just move it two days out to give his students enough time - giving him less. 

He sends his classes the announcement and jots down the name of the student who reminded him, ten extra points go towards her grade. 

+++

The week blurs quickly by with the two buried deep in mountains of paperwork. This is another reason why graduate students are rewarded single apartments - so they can suffer for the good of the university in their nice living conditions. By the end of the week, Kazuichi feels slimy with sweat and he knows he only has to do a few more hours before he can shower and leave for this big robotics expo that he’s participating in with Miu and their friend Chihiro. 

 Yesterday, he got a notification saying the train ticket got refunded due to train travel getting cancelled. It barely gave him enough time to maintenance his car since he has to drive all the way there now. It’ll be best to take the roads at night since there will be less traffic. His bags are packed, he has just enough snacks for the four-hour car ride to Chihiro’s, which will turn into a different trip of its own when they hit the road again for the expo. 

Yep, everything seems situated. He just needs to wait - he looks out the window and the sun is brimming with pride. Yeah, way too bright still, he’s got some time to kill. He’s just going to take a short nap until then, and for the added measure of keeping Gundham out of the room, he farts loudly, enough to hear the man grumble in the other room. Perfect, and with that, Kazuichi is able to fall peacefully asleep.

+++

“I live with a distasteful child, Sonia.” Glaring down at the crusty dishes left by his roommate who doesn’t ever know how to clean up after himself, Gundham grinds his teeth hard enough to spike a headache. “He’s going to be gone in a few hours, and I’ll finally have this place to myself, and if I’m lucky, he’ll catch that sickness and he’ll be isolated miles away from me.” 

Her laugh flutters through his headphones. For a moment, he shuts his eyes and uses the laugh as a cleanse, inviting him to release his frustration in the form of an exhale. But a throaty snore from the other room deafens her laugh, and his frustration boils over. 

“Sonia, this is insufferable.” He shuts his eyes and decides he should go grocery shopping. He needs food, the animals need something to keep them at bay until his colleague can come by and pick up some of the animals. “I’ll perform dark magic against this mortal. I’ll hide all of the plates and utensils until he learns to clean up after himself!” 

She offers her summer vacation mansion again, but her parents have a strict no-pet rule, so he politely declines. 

They finish their conversation after he’s secured the more rambunctious animals in their respective cages and offers plenty of treats to all of them. His four most fearsome climb up the length of his scarf, tucking themselves along his warm neck, and he heads off to face the outside world. 

And what a monstrous feat the outside of panicked shoppers would pose, but it’s nothing compared to the Supreme Overlord of Ice!

+++

Kazuichi doesn’t wake to his alarm as he planned. But he does wake up to hair in his mouth, not his hair either. He’s been cuddling a dog in his sleep.

“Oh hey buddy,” He earns himself a wet greeting from the dog and stays in bed a little longer, hugging the ball of fluff before he feels more hair slipping into his mouth. Gross, cue to leave. He shimmies out from under the covers and begins a mental checklist before he heads out.

He unplugs his phone, it’s fully charged. Check. His bags are packed. Check. Yeah, those were the most important things. Everything else is secondary, like how his car always has snacks somewhere (even if it’s random pieces of jerky from prior road trips). He could shower, but he doesn’t want to be here longer than he has to, so he grabs his bags and heads out, pulling out his phone to text Chihiro. But before he does, he checks the notifications that flooded in while he was asleep.

STAY HOME - says one alert.

MANDATORY LOCKDOWN - says another. 

The rest of the notifications bear the same warnings. But hopefully, that’s just a general mass text sort of thing and not something targeted directly at him. He pockets his phone with unease, there’s no way they can enforce it immediately, right? He has enough time to get to Chihiro’s before they start policing people around, and he’d much rather be locked up for an indefinite amount of time with Miu and Chihiro - hell, a stranger is significantly better than Gundham. Yeah, he continues to the parking garage without giving it a second thought. 

Until someone in a dark uniform stops him. 

“Sir, I have to ask you to return to your home.”

Fuck. He doesn’t want to, he really doesn’t want to, so he lies. “I’m going that way now.” He cringes at the obvious crack in his voice and feels himself getting goosebumps as he breaks out into cold sweat. He's awful at lying, and he's lying to a cop! His mouth starts moving again, "So, uh, we never have police, did someone get shot here or something?" And he ends it with a chuckle. A stupid chuckle. He should get arrested from how horrible this is going.

Oh, if only he could transform into an Autobot or something and just roll out. 

The officer blinks twice and clears his throat, probably too taken aback by Kazuichi’s performance to say something right away. Kazuichi doesn’t say anything more and there’s a long stretch of silence, just staring at each other.

Maybe he should say something, just open your mouth and say something!

“Nice weather we’re ha-”

"The illness is rapidly spreading and becoming more unpredictable. We need you to return to the apartment you came from."

"B-But!"

"Otherwise we will detain you." 

"Ay ay captain!" Kazuichi slaps himself in the face trying to salute the shorter man and scrambles down the hall. He hates to admit it, but he’s kind of a wimp. He makes it to his door, and he smiles at the officer in an offhand hey-neighbor-how’s-it-going kind of way. The officer isn’t even paying attention to him anymore, but for some reason, Kazuichi felt like doing it would maybe erase the dread he has building up in his guts. He’s fishing for his keys and his hands are quaking.

Okay, he can do this. 

“Hey Tanaka,” he begins shakily, “looks like I’m staying for the break instead.” It ends with an awkward little laugh.

No response

“Tanaka?” He drops his bags at the entrance and tries to find him among the mounds of sleeping animals. “Hey, Gundham Tanaka?” He tries again when he’s in the hallway, he peeks into their room, the bathroom, and then returns to the kitchen to maybe see if he’s in the pantry for some reason. Still no sign of him.

The animals start rustling, some even growl when they wake up to him in the middle of the living room. Why are there so many more animals than before? Did his roommate buy more or something! And he’s not even here. Holy shit, it’s not like he knows how to take care of them!

“Oh my god, I’m stuck in this apartment with all of these-”

More of the animals start growling at him, and he slowly backs out of the room. Tripping over one of the gargantuan reptiles, he slams into the floor and as composed as he can manage, he screeches and crawls his way to the bathroom. 

“I’m not mentally prepared for this.” He locks the door.

+++

The grocery store is disgustingly packed, and Gundham wishes he did more for his makeup so he could scare people out of the aisles, but he only did his eyeliner. He didn’t want to waste the full effect on the common folk. He rolls up his sleeves to show off the gauze he has wrapped around his arm. If he’s lucky, people will suspect it for some horrendous skin condition and stay away. 

He reconsiders the effort of being out there where he sees two ladies fighting in the toilet paper aisle – he catches a glimpse of a tattered tee-shirt and then bypasses that entire three aisle radius. He sees one of his students, and they make eye contact – the student even goes as far as lifting their hand to wave when Gundham stifles the interaction by pulling up his scarf to cover half of his face and ignores the student.

His shopping cart is full of all the vegan options he can grab, even those distasteful ramen packages, just in case. He didn’t plan on getting too much but the panic vibrating off of these people is infectious and he ends up with a mountain of products. He takes extra peanut butter and jelly from the shelves because he doesn’t know the next time he’ll be able to get out and shop, so why not. Another set of jars roll into his cart.

Gundham passes by the disastrous aisle again and shoves his cart through people so he can have access to soap and towels, and he hisses at someone when they get too close. He risks taking off his bandage to gross them out, and they keep away after that.

The lines to check-out stretch into the frozen food aisles.

He peers into his wallet, and after it coughs up dust, he exercises his right to forage – this version being the more unconventional, urban foraging kind. Mother earth blessed this corporeal realm with these fruits, these gifts, these necessities like peanut butter and Nutella, therefore, it is free to take. He leaves with the cart. 

Some would call it stealing, like the cops that are currently chasing him, but no. 

He is out of breath when he reaches his car, and the hamsters leap from his scarf and into the car. He chucks the cart at the approaching cops, he snaps his fingers, and the license plate flickers into something different, or maybe it doesn’t. The cops are too busy trying to help one another up to catch any details about the runaway car – but why they try to look at it, it distorts.

Cackling like a mad man, Gundham floors it and launches down the road. He takes many side streets just in case anybody catches ideas of following him.

“What a spectacle, Jum-P!” One of his hamsters chirps back in response. “Had they gotten any closer, I would have had to shed this vessel’s form and wreck chaos on those puny humans.” 

He calls Sonia to tell her what happened. 

Instead of driving home, he goes to the pet store with the wired money from Sonia (she doesn’t condone foraging) and purchases enough materials that’ll last his apartment-made-shelter for a month. 

When he’s packing his truck, he notices an officer approaching him, and Gundham stiffens slightly, ready to snap his fingers and have his specially trained hamsters attack, but he realizes that it’s a different officer from before. He relaxes and asks what he could do for her, but he’s only asked to go home - mandatory shut down. He gets in his car gladly and drives home.

He’s still vibrating from adrenaline when he’s stepping out onto his floor.

Gundham sees smoke puffing out from under his apartment’s door. He drops everything and dashes. He didn’t leave the stove on, he couldn’t have. He always triple checks before leaving the house. He worries aloud, for himself really but also in case he has to give Sonia the signal to call an emergency unit of some sort depending on what he finds on the other side of the door. He fumbles for his keys, and once it’s in the slot he twists his hand violently on the knob and throws the door open.

The apartment is smoking. And he sees Kazuichi.

Of course.

His stupid runt of a roommate Kazuichi, pointing a frying pan at one of the tegus like it’s a pistol. He stomps in and rips the weapon from his roommate’s hand before smacking him hard against the back of his head. The little stain of a human starts laughing, like he’s relieved that Gundham is back home, but he doesn’t even want to look at the boy because he’s seething. How could he have put his animals in danger like this?

Damage control, Gundham, he tells himself as he rushes to open the windows and turns on all the fans in the apartment, even the ventilation fan in the bathroom – anything is helpful. At least Kazuichi had the sense to open the balcony door, where he finds his pregnant cat and a few other animals perched. While he’s jumping from one fan to one window to another to another, his roommate is crying and yelling accusations that don’t really guilt Gundham the way it should.

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! MY CALLS WENT STRAIGHT TO VOICEMA-”

 Gundham doesn’t like getting yelled at, so he ignores him until the smoke is filtering out of the apartment in an accelerated manner. He checks on some of the animals in between and he finds them to be in good condition, scared and confused, but healthy. He coughs some in his sleeve before entering the apartment and zeroing in on the crying Kazuichi.

“Why is there so much smoke?” His question is grating, boiling over with unmentioned threats.

He then sees a pitcher of water in Kazuichi’s hand… positioned just over the small fire that’s engulfed a burnt chard on the stove. Maybe this is karma from his urban forage escapade, but he knows now that his roommate really is that stupid.

“Souda, you imbecile!”

The screech startles the direction of his pour – the floor rather than the stove, and before Kazuichi can correct it, Gundham shoves his way to the fire extinguisher, which is in plain view, and showers the kitchen in foam.

There’s a beat of silence that makes Gundham remember he’s still on the phone with Sonia, so he quickly says his goodbyes and reassures her that the fire department is not necessary.

At the mention of her name, Kazuichi's voice squeaks out from the avalanche of foam, “Can you tell Miss Sonia I said hello?” Instead, he stares at his roommate as he ends the call.

He feels himself crumble onto the kitchen floor, all of his adrenaline spent. Maybe his anger too, because when there’s movement from within the foam, and he sees that pink set of hair poke out, Gundham only groans.

“What were you doing?” Maybe there’s some bite to the question, but not as much as he expected there to be.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what she wanted. Your cat kept meowing at me, so I thought to cook her some tuna. And it turns out that I don’t know how to cook, and I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” That takes Gundham by surprise because when they first moved in, he explicitly stated that his roommate shouldn’t take any responsibility for the animals, no feeding, no cleaning up after them, nothing, etc. – they were Gundham’s to take care for. His main reason for the rules was because he knows people who would’ve fed his hamsters to the snake he occasionally cares for, so he trusts nobody. He sets everything up so that Kazuichi never interacts with the animals more than he must. But knowing that Kazuichi knows this and still tried to help his cat is kind of… dare he say, admirable.

But also, he nearly burned the apartment in the process, so the feeling is short-lived.

“Can you get the groceries I dropped?” Gundham signals to the door leading to the hallway, and Kazuichi silently complies.

Gundham gets to his feet and sets up a baby gate around the kitchen to keep any wandering creatures from entering while he begins to clean up the residue. When his roommate returns, he hesitantly motions to the keys on the counter and asks him to bring in the stuff from his truck.

Incredulous, Kazuichi’s eyebrows skyrocket to hide behind his bangs – yes, that’s the first Gundham has trusted with his keys, much less to actually touch his car, but in reality, Gundham just doesn’t want anyone in the kitchen while he cleans. Plus, it’s not like his roommate can mess that up too, right?

He hears the keys jingle and decides to just hyper-focus on cleaning.

After all is said and done, he puts the groceries away and organizes the shelves within the fridge by expiration date. Kazuichi is still quiet, but he’s trying to be helpful by balling up all the little plastic bags and shoving them into their designated cabinet.

“So you’re still here?” Gundham asks because he didn’t expect to see him there still. He wonders if that sounded harsher than it was supposed to, but he isn’t going to try and sugarcoat the question, he expected to be in a roommate-less apartment when he arrived home.

“I’m helping?” He fidgets and his voice sounds like he’s apologizing again.

“No,” He resists the urge to demean him, and it dies out in the form of a grunt. “You haven’t left to that expo thing yet, why?”

“Oh,” an easy laugh escapes, but then his face shifts into something like uncomfortable awkwardness so does his laugh. “I’m not allowed to leave.” Gundham looks at him hard like he’s caught the disease and he’s trapped in quarantine with the boy. Kazuichi picks up on the glare before quickly putting the uneasy to rest, “Not because I’m sick or anything! The lock-in kinda has me stuck here. Otherwise, yeah, I wouldn’t still be here.”

“I see,” Gundham nods, mentally rearranging his plans for the break. His eyes focus in on his roommate, and a scowl takes his face hostage. “If that’s the case, bathe yourself. You’re filthy.”

+++

“I’m sorry I should have tried to arrange for us to meet sooner Kazuichi.” Chihiro laments over the video call. The camera is angled in a close-up of his huge hazel eyes, long fluttery lashes, and brown bush bangs. “Last night, I made yakisoba with a chopped up hotdog, the way you like!”

“You bought and cooked meat just for me? Oh Chihiro, you’re the best friend in the whole world!” Kazuichi feels tears brimming in his eyes because he hardly ever sees Chihiro nowadays since he graduated early. If only he had gotten trapped with his friend! “I’m sorry I didn’t leave sooner,” and then he whispers. “I accidentally set the kitchen on fire last night, and my roommate hates me even more.”

“What’d that dick for brains say?” The angle of the camera swings over to a blonde messy bun.

“How’d you get to Chihiro’s before I did?! I was supposed to pick you up and drive you there!”

“Your apartment doesn’t look burned down.” Miu ignores his question, and Chihiro is in the background asking for the phone back.

“Chihiro, how’d she get there!?”

“A woman has her ways around the lockdown!” The angle fixes itself so both of his friends are in the shot, Miu lying on Chihiro’s small chest and her eyelashes fluttering. She’s snuggling him like he’s some teddy bear.

“You should’ve tried to get me then!” Kazuichi argues, painfully aware that he’s hugging his own limp pillow to his chest now.

“Sorry, mama can’t work with ugly boys as baggage.”

The rest of the video call is full of taunts, jabs, and poor Chihiro trying to detour into lighter subjects of conversation.

+++

Food is essential for the human body. But unfortunately for Kazuichi, he can’t find any food, or he can’t find any of his microwavable meals. He shouldn’t be surprised since he buys his food on a week to week basis, and he was very much relying on the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be at the apartment still. As of yesterday, he should’ve been in somebody else’s house eating their absolutely scrumptious home-cooked meals.

He ate the last of the potato chips this afternoon, licking the foil of all it's salt and remnant crumbs. It held him over a for a few hours. Now he’s staring at the fridge and hoping desperately that there’s a smidge of something he can eat, but it’s all like raw vegetables and stuff that looks like wet sponges in a jar. It all stares back, threatening – he can barely wrap his head around how to cook this stuff – how do people eat eggplant? No clue but he knows it’s not raw or else he’d eat that shit like an apple right now.

He opens the pantry, and angry tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. Not a single ramen or mac and cheese cup in sight! These are all ingredients! How do people cook rice? He doesn’t have a clue! Beans? Who does is he – not his friend Teruteru, so of course he can’t cook out of just anything.

Unless he wants to start a fire again for fun, he’s not going to try and cook again.

There’s a small growl at the pit of his stomach, telling him that he needs to put something in his body or else he’ll be sick. Microwavable dinners never allow him to get to this stage – indecision and confusion; it saves all the hassle of deciding what to cook, the ingredients to cook, all that mental exercise that leaves him more tired than not eating altogether.

So he does just that. He starves, out of spite.

In his room, he cracks a can of Monster and chugs it – at least that’ll be something in his stomach.

+++

Gundham isn’t paranoid, but his recent Google searches would beg to differ. Shakes, shallow breathing, nor profuse sweating are symptoms of the illness. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel relief, rather the opposite. Concern kept creeping on him when he’d hear his roommate drop one of his devices from his hands that were shaking too violently.

When he enters their bedroom that night, Kazuichi is lying as straight as a board on the bed, face up and palms balled at his side. It’s an eerie position to lie in when you’re supposed to be sleeping, second… he’s too still. Gundham quickly steps over all the scraped circuit boards littering the floor to sit beside the bed, so he can stare at his roommate’s chest, monitoring for signs of breathing.

It’s a moment. And Gundham stabs two fingers into his neck to check for a pulse, but Kazuichi is smacking his arm away. Bewilderment stain both of their faces.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, touching me with those skeleton fingers!”

“Checking for a pulse! Why were you so still?!”

His dog wakes up in the living room, puffing out cautionary barks.

“Trying to hold my breath so I can calm down.”

Gundham grunts and decides he’s going to sleep on the couch because he’s angry at himself for worrying over his roommate. He hears metal rattling in their room, and Gundham ignores it.

At dawn, when Gundham wakes up, he doesn’t hear the scratch of metal – the telltale sign of Kazuichi assembling something. Nudging the door just a crack with his slipper, Gundham sees his roommate on his bed, like he was all of yesterday, but now he looks preoccupied with a small handheld game.

Kazuichi catches Gundham staring, “What do you want, Tanaka?”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you sleep, and you’ve been in that same spot for a while… are you okay?” The blatant display of concern sickens him, but he tries to not let it show too much.

Kazuichi grumbles, too distracted.

Gundham grabs a glass of water for him – it’s true that he hasn’t moved much, so he doubts that he’s taking care of himself at all. He remembers seeing the dude suck on the inside of the chip bag, but he hasn’t seen him drink anything.

“Did you ask me a question?” Kazuichi snaps out of his trance to look up at Gundham. His eyes are bloodshot, and it’s disturbing because he’s never seen his roommate with those buzzing, dry eyes before. He blinks at him and then at the glass being pushed into his hand. “Uh, thanks?”

Gundham wonders if he’s going to drop the glass and checks for jitters. It doesn’t happen, Kazuichi inhales the water and sets the cup on the floor before rolling over and going back to his colorful game.

+++

The next time he enters the room, it’s out of pure boredom. He’s read his library book twice now, and he’s been grooming the animals all day, but sometimes you get bored. A cure for that would be to peruse the animal breeding forums to see if his internet friend delivered the baby calf yet, but his laptop is ancient and refuses to work.

Kazuichi is still on his side with his game. 

“What are you playing?” He drops himself on his neat bed, trying to catch the image on the screen.

Kazuichi doesn’t respond, his thumbs tapping violently at one of the buttons before he mutters under his breath about a fish.

“Are those animals? How adorable.” Gundham catches a glimpse of a duck wearing clothing.

Kazuichi flips over on his back, unsuspecting, and then he nearly falls off the bed when he sees Gundham move. “Scared me.” He breathes out, fist scrubbing at his eyes.

“Can I play?” Gundham asks, after apologizing for the scare.

Kazuichi cracks a small smile like he didn’t hear him right and doesn’t know how to respond. But Gundham keeps looking at the game, silently asking the question again.

“Why?”

“It is one of the rare times that I find myself bored. Plus, my computer is no longer performing well.”

That earns a reaction out of the pink-haired boy. He lets out a body-rattling laugh before rubbing his sweaty face with a heavy hand. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed, throwing himself upright in a seated position before he leers at Gundham.

“You know, I kind of specialize in building and fixing things. Here,” he tosses the handheld over to Gundham’s bed before pushing himself off the bed and cracking his back with noticeable pops. He places a hand on his chest like he’s uncomfortable and rubs at it aggressively while trying to take a deep breath. “What’s wrong with it?”

Gundham turns the game over in his hand, and notices that the plastic casing is from melted legos, and the buttons bubble out in a shiny clear plastic – it’s plastic from water bottles, but they’re layered so they don’t stay permanently bent in when he pushes down. The analog sticks are mismatched, probably repurposed from different controllers Kazuichi had lying around. He openly marvels at Kazuichi’s genius.

“It’s been slow for a while, and now it refuses to turn on.”

“Alright, sounds simple enough.” Kazuichi digs under his bed for a set of tools and then proceeds to the closet where he empties a cardboard box worth of random tech components, pocketing a few things. He steps over them and cracks open a can of Monster that has been sitting at his desk; tying up his long pink hair into a bun, he wanders out of the room with a new pep in his step.

Gundham is left to discover the amazing world of Animal Crossing.

After a few minutes of playing, Gundham finds that his hands are sticky. He finds weird smudges on the console and shudders, so wipes down the game with an alcohol wipe. When he steps out of the room to wash his hands afterward, he finds his computer hollowed out on the kitchen floor, hardware scattered, and Kazuichi is sitting at the table poking at a thin piece of metal with a screwdriver. He’s furious; it’s his own forsaken fault for trusting the dumbass with his computer – it’s destroyed on the floor, and Kazuichi is probably scouring it for parts he could use instead.

He muffles his rage with Animal Crossing, letting his hamsters out of their rolling balls so they can nuzzle him as he plays. He invites a hamster villager to the island, and he completely forgets the atrocity he witnessed in the kitchen.  

Later, Kazuichi walks back into the room and deposits the laptop at the foot of his bed – it’s all in one piece, and slightly bulkier looking, which he didn’t think was possible. Kazuichi sweeps all the remaining parts back into his cardboard box as he explains the changes he made to the laptop.

“Only replaced like two things, so it should work and be a little faster. Let me know if you want me to make any more changes.” Kazuichi’s words come out extra breathy as he struggles to push himself back up into a standing position. “My stomach hurts…”

Before Gundham can thank him, he watches the lanky boy sway to his feet, but his legs buckle almost immediately, and he plummets to the floor like an anvil. He twitches a few times.

When Kazuichi’s hands stop shaking, Gundham’s begin a fierce tremor.  

+++

“Help… bunch of cans under the bed… how much he drank...”

“… isn’t responding… what do I do?”

Kazuichi can’t catch all the words. Every time he strains to listen, they filter up in smoke and spread out into random garbled syllables.

“… do you mean?”

He feels weightless, like he doesn’t have his body weighing him down anymore, but he can’t move because he doesn’t remember where his mind is if it isn’t connected to his body.

“… can’t help us?”

There’s a loud noise that jumps in his chest, and he feels bleary. His chest is clogged with mucus and it’s hard to breathe, but someone sticks something in his mouth, and air is pushing into his chest, forcefully opening it up.

“Stupid fucking cops can’t even breach the lockdown. They want us to die.”

The weight of his body comes with trembling anxiety and a queasy stomach. He vomits up pink and everything burns. He dissolves in that feeling and lets himself grow limp again.

+++

Gundham fills his roommate up with as many fluids as the body can permit within two-hour intervals. It sends him retching into the toilet every so often, which takes minimal energy from Kazuichi since that’s where they’ve been holed up for the entire night ever since Gundham dragged him into the tub – it’s much easier to clean up both Kazuichi and the surrounding targets of vomit this way.

Kazuichi starts calming down once he has mushroom broth in his system, so Gundham decreases the water and Gatorade that he forces his roommate to drink. He has a fever, but it doesn’t feel too high like lethal levels, but it was still higher than what a normal temperature should be.

He routinely checks on the boy, but he’s passed out in the bathtub after his last serving of fluids – color started returning to his face, and his skin doesn’t look that clammy anymore, but he hasn’t given him a proper bath yet, just wiped his down with a rag – fully clothed.

He should bathe him, that might help – who knows the germs he’s housing right now. It might bring down his fever too. He returns to the bathroom with a bucket and a sponge.

It ends up with a Kazuichi who is more lucid than he was an hour ago, shrieking and trying to escape like one of Gundham’s cats. But Gundham keeps him semi-restrained until he rinses out the grimy bubbles that foam at the pink hair.

“You could at least give me warmer water!” Kazuichi pouts, crossing his arms over his wet shirt.

“When you learn how to bathe yourself, you can make demands.” Gundham grimaces when he rubs at the crust and slime on his neck where his hair was hiding some of the early puke.

“No, I hate you.”

“Likewise!”

Kazuichi snatches the sponge from his halfway through and orders him out so he could finish up himself. And he emerges sopping wet because all the clean towels are in the dryer, so he goes back and sits in the shower until Gundham tells him that one’s ready and passes it Kazuichi when he cracks the door an inch.

+++

He’s overstimulated with very small things, and he blames the caffeine. He texts his friends that being stuck with Gundham resulted in him almost dying, and they immediately call.

“Are you okay?” Chihiro and Miu’s voices overlap, and it sounds like they were sleeping. He checks the time and he feels guilty because it’s deep in the AM.

Time is just a construct – he shouldn’t feel too guilty since his roommate isn’t even asleep like he’d normally be by now.

“I picked up the phone, didn’t I?” Kazuichi laughs but it rattles weird in his body still, like a reminder that he’s still too fragile.

They ask questions, and he explains what happened. Surprisingly, it’s Chihiro who chastises him, and he’s taken aback by the anger riddling his concern. “I can’t believe you would drink those on an empty stomach!”

“I would have let you die, rip poor prof but class would be cancelled.” Miu jokes, her voice a little further away.

“Wow, so if I had collapsed over there, you wouldn’t have taken care of me?”

“Of course, but you should learn how to cook. It would have been completely avoided.”

Kazuichi pouts and hangs up on them.

+++

Under utter exhaustion, Kazuichi wanders to the kitchen in hopes of finding food, but there’s still nothing and he cries from his insane streak of bad luck. Gundham’s dog comes over to the kitchen to sniff him, licking his hand for attention.

After recovering, Gundham stopped making him broth, AKA stopped feeding him so Kazuichi is out to fend for himself now, and he’s finding that he’s having a miserable time being healthy again.

“Didn’t you go grocery shopping?” He whines out the question, pitching it to annoy the grumpy boy in the living room.

“Your point?” Gundham’s eyebrows raise slightly, showing that he’s listening while trying to coax the long reptile into the living room from the balcony. He leaves a trail of blueberries for the crocodile look-a-like.

Is it bad that he wants to run over there and eat them right off the ground? His stomach growls, and he ends up squatting beside the neat trail and scoops some into his mouth before his roommate can swat him away.

“That’s not your food!” He hisses out.

“Where’s my food then?” Kazuichi smiles widely, offering Gundham a view of the blueberries staining his mouth.

“Am I your keeper?” He smirks back, but he doesn’t lay any further blueberries until the tegu takes interest in the food. “I think not.”

“Yeah, but you bathed me.” Kazuichi picks up another blueberry and scoots out of Gundham’s grasp when he goes reaching after his hand. “Doesn’t that qualify you as my keeper?”

Gundham always wears a scarf, so Kazuichi hardly thinks anything of it, but right now he lifts the fabric bundled at his neck and drapes it over his mouth and nose. It doesn’t cover the pink of his cheeks. Kazuichi gives out a questioning hmmm when Gundham doesn’t respond nor looks at him, his eyes are looking only at the reptile. Kazuichi smiles harder and pops the last blueberry in his mouth.

He’s noticed that it’s easy to get under this guy’s skin, and it’s fun. This is how Miu must feel all the time, powerful.

“Not exactly.”

Kazuichi shrugs before pushing himself up to a standing position, looking over at the kitchen – his head trying to wrap around those bare ingredients that he’ll have to mix and mash together to make something edible. He frowns at the idea and looks down at the paler boy, “What can I do to have you as my keeper?”

Gundham furrows his eyebrows before flicking his eyes to Kazuichi for a second then back at the tegu. “You don’t want to know.”

Kazuichi suddenly feels tingly and weird, so he goes to the kitchen where he’d much rather not stew on thoughts of his roommate in a romantic manner. He opens the pantry and grabs ingredients without caution as he tries to think rationally about this. This is how people joke around, and this is the first instance that they’re joking around with each other, right?

He wants to text Miu, but he’s pouring and mixing flour, milk, breadcrumbs, and oil in the saucepan and decides feeding himself should his priority. He adds a splash of this and a few teaspoons of that into the mix, and everything begins to smell foul and puff out little clouds of smoke.

Great, not again.

“What could you have possibly done this time?” The taller boy loops around the table to see the goop burning on the stove.

“Is this not how you make bread?” Kazuichi's voice wobbles with an apology but Gundham looks at him, disbelief contouring his usually stoic face, before releasing a singular, weak laugh. He then shakes his head with an exasperated sigh. He pulls the pan off the stove and dumps the contents in the sink garbage disposal before hosing the pan with water, hoping that it’ll be easier to clean.

“You’re talentless in the kitchen. If you so much as turn that stove on again without the intention of following a basic recipe, I’ll lock you in a cage.” Kazuichi gulps, mindful of the large cages in the living room meant for the animals.

He looks up a few cooking tutorials on the internet in the comfort of his room.

After an hour of replaying the same instructions for a simple meal, he goes back out to the kitchen where he finds a bowl of ramen filled with mushrooms and tofu waiting for him on the table. There’s a note with his name on it, stating:

I made too much for myself. Perhaps you’ll enjoy it despite it not being one of your cancerous microwavable meals. I accept thanks in the form of you washing the dishes.

Kazuichi doesn’t stop smiling even when his fingers resemble shriveled prunes from scrubbing at the dirty dishes. He scrubs the stove with hopes of his roommate making too much for his next meal too.

+++

“No, you’re making it more complicated than it has to be, Kazuichi.” He and Chihiro are video calling again on his phone while he attempts at programming a new handheld game so Gundham could have his own system to play Animal Crossing.

It was a mistake to introduce him to the game because now he kind of hovers over his shoulder to oversee anything that happens on the island – to make sure that Kazuichi doesn’t try to move any of the villagers out without his permission – even though some of them are definitely too ugly to be an inhabitant on his island.

But that’s irrelevant since it won’t pose a problem for much longer, he just needs to work on getting the new game set up – last time Miu already had everything programmed into a little computer chip, leaving him to just put everything together for the first device – so he ran into a few issues.

“Extract the file I emailed you, and then you’re going to write that file into your device.” Chihiro instructs, and then Miu comes from behind to ask what’s going on.

“He’s getting the emulator onto a new device.” Chihiro tells her.

“Did the plastic burn through the computer? I told you that the case you made was a bad idea, deteriorates faster than Chihiro with his – MIU – in my mouth!”

Chihiro stares open-mouthed at Miu, a beet red color consuming his face.

“What a repugnant woman,” Gundham mutters, he’s lounging on the floor just behind Kazuichi, loud enough for Miu to squeak out a gasp. Her face heats up, and she turns to Chihiro asking if the statement is true. It gets worse, so Chihiro quickly mutes the call until the obscenities die down. Kazuichi takes it as a sign that he should take a break and feed himself.

Gundham baked bread, probably because he didn’t want Kazuichi to try his hand with making anymore. He grabs a slice and lathers it with Gundham’s vegan butter.

“I can’t believe it’s not butter, dude. It tastes so good.” Crumbs of bread sprinkle out of his mouth.

“Animal products aren’t necessary for things to taste good.” Gundham glances over to the crumbs when one of the hamsters goes over to lick it up.

“Not uh, I need meat.” He swallows. “That mean ol’ protein.”

Gundham sets the game on the coffee table, “How about some tofu instead?”

Kazuichi grins, biting into that sweet tasting bread that Gundham made. He nods and spills more crumbs from his mouth when he says, “Yes, I’d really like some of your tofu.”

“Kazuichi, you’re such a fucking simp!” Miu hollers from the abandoned phone on the table. As nonchalant as he can, he hangs up the phone while sending daggers at the screen.

He’ll email Chihiro his questions later.

+++

They’re baking bread together because Kazuichi ate it all on the first day.

They’re baking bread. Together. They’re also listening to a blend of punk songs, and The All-American Rejects is playing a song they both like.

“Swing, swing from the tangles of / My heart is crushed by a former love.”

He wants to panic-text Chihiro because he doesn’t know if he has a crush or not on this vegan emo. He was just hating him because he kept fostering random dirty animals in their cramped space – leaving their fur in the tub after he bathed them, and he’d use all the food in the fridge to feed not himself but the animal. And he always talked all high and mighty – refers to himself as some god or something, which just made Kazuichi want to bring him down a few notches.

But now, Kazuichi sees that he’s kind of nice and not as mean and coldblooded as a snake as he originally thought.

His hands are clad in sticky dough, so he can’t text Chihiro.

“Don’t waste the dough.” Gundham gently reproaches when they’re transferring the dough into different bowls to rise.

Kazuichi’s humming falters because he thought he was doing a good job of scooping out the dough, but Gundham shakes his head and points to his hands. They’re buried under layers of the paste-like substance; he tries scrubbing it off, but the dough goes back and forth from one sticky hand and back.

“Hold the spatula facing me, I’ll scrape my hands against it.” Kazuichi motions with a nod of his messy-haired head towards the carousel of large cooking utensils.

Gundham lets out a puff of air from his nose. Silently shaking his head and that thin line of his mouth curving only slightly at the edge, he walks over and casually grabs Kazuichi’s hand in his.

“Your little friend is right about you,” Kazuichi can’t tell if Gundham’s hands are soft because there’s a layer of dough between their skin, but he knows that he’s gentle when he touches him. He spreads his fingers wide with a little bit of force and Kazuichi is trying to keep himself under control – is he sweating (it sure feels like he’s sweating, and he really hoping that it isn’t noticeable)? Kazuichi’s face contorts with both question (what did he mean) and worry (for the possible sweat). “You make things more complicated than they have to be.”

His hands drag down Kazuichi’s, greedy for the dough that refuses to peel off so easily. He relaxes some, and it turns into a pull and tug between the two. A new type of silence settling between them, the background song lifts softly in the open kitchen.

Their fingers cling longer than they should, and Kazuichi is very thankful for bread.

He starts humming to distract himself from focusing on how his palm keeps rubbing against Gundham’s palms – after eroding his hands free, he discovers that they are soft. Gundham starts humming mindlessly after him, his head sways with the beat which sends his bangs sweeping back and forth over his eyebrows.

Kazuichi marvels at the way Gundham’s mouth parts open and his lips are moving, voiceless around the lyrics. But then at the end of the chorus, his adam’s apple bobs with his low timber, “Can you help me find a way / To carry on again?”

Kazuichi’s face explodes out into a smile but he eats it up quickly because it’s ridiculous to read into it. It’s a catchy song that he can’t help but sing along to, so Kazuichi swallows the joy erupting in his stomach and lets himself sing along too.

After scraping the remaining dough off, it frees up their hands so they can grab ladles to karaoke into, belting out the lyrics to their favorite songs. They like a lot of the same songs.

+++

Spring break is extended for obvious reason, but then both Kazuichi and Gundham receive an email from their department supervisors stating they need to test the online system before classes resume. They install the needed software into the computers and scramble a way to revise their teaching lessons now that they’ve gone online.

“I was worried about you, but I’m relieved your roommate is still alive because I didn’t have proper contingency plans in place.” Sonia says, a little chuckle in her voice.

“It proves you have faith that I can play nice with others.” Gundham is making a powerpoint explaining how he’s changing the assignments to accommodate them being done at home and without proper equipment.

“Apparently very nice from what I hear.”

He told her about how they had grown close due to the caffeine scare – they were playing video games together, eating meals almost at the same time near each other, and singing bad renditions of their favorite songs have started to become a thing in their apartment.

Friendship never came easy to Gundham – he still doesn’t understand how he and Sonia evolved to be friends – because he knows he judges others harshly and quickly like a bruising slap, but the inevitability of interacting with Kazuichi in these cramped quarters doesn’t allow him to be as selective as he’d usually be, ignoring and avoiding.

He has to interact with him, which has proven to be borderline pleasant.

 “I wouldn’t listen too closely to those rumors, he likes Nickelback. Remember, I’m here against my will.” Gundham chuckles, highlighting the rubric and key terms for his lesson that he needs to upload soon.

“Hey Miss Sonia!” Kazuichi doesn’t stutter this time, he leans over his bed to reach the desk area, so whatever he says can get picked up by Gundham’s Bluetooth headphones. “He knew the words to “How You Remind Me” so don’t believe him!”

“What is this band? Are they, as you say, a part of the ‘cringe culture’?”

“Very-”

“Give it a listen Miss Sonia, you’ll like it!” He shouts, not hearing her response.

She listens to it and ends up replaying it multiple times to see if she can identify what is cringey about it. Now Gundham has to suffer knowing two Nickelback fans.

+++

The day they’re required to resume classes is the day that they both test the new online system.

Gundham wakes up excited and earlier than usual, the alarm jolts Kazuichi out of his sleep - Gundham quietly apologizes as he shuffles around with a small pouch near his bedside - his makeup bag. Oh right, Gundham wanted to give himself enough time to do his makeup since it's been a while since he last went outside. But doing makeup should be like riding a bike, his hands should remember the routine of his face. 

Kazuichi watches Gundham through bleary, sleep-soaked eyes as he rubs various creams into his face, peppering something along his nose and eye creases with a fluffy brush, and then Kazuichi's favorite part - the eyeliner. Gundham drags the pencil along his waterline in a few strokes, then he does the same for the other eye - he blinks away the water that threatens to collect in his eyes then he starts on the upper lid. 

Kazuichi tries to tilt his head a little to watch Gundham's face, but it requires him to scoot up on his elbows, which he'd rather not do, so he continues to watch Gundham's reflection in the little mirror that Gundham has stacked on top of his books. Just like Miu, his mouth opens into a little 'o' as if it'll help him focus more. He tugs the skin around his eye towards his temple, and then the pen arcs boldly along with his eye. When he gets to the other eye, Gundham catches Kazuichi watching him, and his hand freezes, mouth shutting. 

But Kazuichi doesn't avert his gaze, his drowsiness impairing his sense of embarrassment. 

"Do you want to do yours?" Gundham asks after a moment, resuming the steady work of his eye. 

"Maybe." Kazuichi's answer comes out slowly. "But I don't have my own eyeliner." He knows the rules of makeup - sharing certain things could lead to infections. 

A pensive sound buzzes from Gundham's throat, and they say nothing else. Kazuichi rolls over and tries to nap for a little longer before he must absolutely start his online class. His nap is broken multiple times by the alerts of school emails - reminders about class today. With five minutes to spare, he gets up and changes out of his muggy shirt for a wrinkly button-up. He leaves his flannel pajama pants on because nobody is gonna see that. 

Kazuichi launches Zoom with ease, but Gundham has issues in the other room, so he quickly steps out of the room to help him set it up. It’s a little more difficult due to the recent changes that Kazuichi did to his computer, but within a few minutes, a student joins the call, so Kazuichi returns to his own and finds a handful of students happily chatting amongst themselves.

His video feed is live, so the students see him coming in from the living room.

"I have those same pajamas!" One exclaims.

“Professor, is that your husband in the other room?” Someone else asks.

Miu, who is in the Zoom meeting too, erupts in laughter. She mutes her audio, but Kazuichi can clearly see how hard she’s laughing from how she doubles over and the video begins shaking lightly.

Kazuichi clears his throat, “No, he’s my roommate, Tanaka.”

“I thought graduate students didn’t get roommates unless it was their spouse.”

Miu, who was beginning to recover, starts up again, but she accidentally unmutes herself. In the haze of laughter, she’s saying something, “Chihiro, they’re doing my man Kazuichi wrong in here -” more choking laughter. “They think that’s his husband! Kazuichi, that damn simp would bust a nut if -!!”

Kazuichi kicks her out of the meeting, and his students awkwardly glance at each other’s video feeds.

“That’s enough of that, hmm.” Kazuichi tries to save face because 1) Miu was being Miu, 2) Miu referred to him by his given name, revealing to the rest of the class that she’s close to the professor or that she’s outrageously disrespectful [hint: she’s both], and 3) she was insinuating things while blatantly insulting him in front of the class! He could give additional reasons, but he doesn’t want to dwell on it. “How’s everything going?”

“Not well, professor Souda. I have a few questions about some of the material.” Thank goodness for Keebo – he easily settles into his lecture and begins working through example problems to demonstrate the importance of certain formulas and methods.

In the middle of the lesson, Miu texts him to let her back in (of course, on permanent mute), and he gives her access again.

He finishes early but he lets the students interact because it’s been so long since they’ve been together as a class, and it’s nice to see them interact. Miu, because she’s on mute, uses the chat system to talk to them.

Gundham comes into the bedroom with his laptop in hand; he’s showing his students some of the animals in the apartment. After showing off his sleeping hamsters, Gundham begins heading out, but too early his voice takes a teasing tone, “I hope that you all are taking care of yourselves and bathing more than my roommate, Kazuichi.”

Kazuichi abruptly ends his Zoom meeting.

+++

Thinking it would make him feel better, Miu sends Kazuichi screenshots of the class groupchat. To his mortification, he's the subject of conversation, and he spies that Miu is contributing to plenty of the memes that stack up in chat. All revolving his showering habits.

She sends a regular text message after the screenshots, but the text looks like a shitpost. It reads:

All prof souda knows how to do is be gay, eat bread, drink monster, not shower, and die of caffeine or bad taste in music.

Another text follows, explaining that she didn’t send it to the groupchat because it isn’t solely about his hygiene, but she thought it was too funny not to show somebody. He laughs at it, after processing it as an insult. Rather than giving her the satisfaction of knowing he laughed at it (after processing it as an insult), he sends her a frowning emoji followed by several GIFs of people booing. 

“Hey Gundham, look at what your mouth did to my reputation as a professor! They’re making memes about me.” Kazuichi rushes to the couch to show Gundham the messages Miu sent.

“Just shower.” Gundham rolls his eyes, trying to go back to his video game.

“Make me.”

“I’ve made you before.”

“But that was during an emergency, so it doesn’t count.”

“Your body odor qualifies as an emergency.”

To say the least, quarantine treats them well. Kazuichi thinks it could be a lot worse if he hated his roommate.