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“Ugh, thank god that’s over! I thought that meeting would never end!” Richie exclaimed loudly as he walked out of Charlie’s office.
He could hear Charlie, the owner of the club, chuckle behind him; the meeting that had been predicted to take about 45 minutes had taken barely ten.
“I’ll see you Friday night, Richie,” Charlie called after him, and Richie offered a wave over his shoulder.
Richie made his way through the backstage area and out to the front of the club, where Eddie was waiting for him, sitting on a stool in front of the closed bar and reading a book. He looked up in surprise when Richie approached.
“That was fast,” Eddie tucked his book back into his bag and hopped down off the stool, raising up onto his tips to give Richie a kiss.
“Yeah,” Richie took Eddie’s hands in his, smiling down at him. “Since we’ve got extra time, do you wanna go to Luna?”
Eddie perked up. Luna was a coffee shop in the area that they both loved, but they usually were only in the neighborhood for Richie’s comedy shows, which were at night when the coffee shop was already closed.
“Yes, definitely! You’re sure you’re all done with everything?”
“Yep,” Richie responded, popping the ‘p’ at the end of the word. “I’m home free.”
They both said goodbye to the bartender, Gary, who was straightening up behind the bar, then headed back outside.
“So how did you get done in the meeting so fast? Oh my God,” Eddie stopped in his tracks, grabbing Richie’s forearm and looking at him seriously. “You didn’t kill him, did you? Richie, if we need to hide a body instead of getting coffee from my favorite place…”
Richie chuckled in response and gave him a kiss to cut him off.
“Don’t worry babe, no bodies to be hidden. Although it’s nice to know I’m marrying a man who would risk jail for me. Charlie just wanted to talk to me about the casting decisions for the new improv group, but it turned out we agreed on pretty much all of them, so there wasn’t really anything to discuss.”
They continued to chat as they made their way down the street to the coffee shop, Eddie quickening his pace to the point that he was practically running up to the front door when he saw the sign in the distance.
“Ooooh, they have oat milk now!” Eddie exclaimed as they lined up at the register.
“Gross,” Richie responded easily.
“You should try some,” Eddie pinched Richie’s side, making him flail to the side.
“Not to be dramatic, but I would literally rather drink bong water.”
“You’ve done that.”
“Yeah, on a bet.”
They’d gotten up to the front of the line by that point, and they ordered a black coffee for Richie and an oat milk latte for Eddie. Eddie was just pulling out his wallet to pay when Richie’s phone rang.
“Fuck, it’s Charlie. I should take it,” Richie frowned down at his ringing phone.
“Go ahead. I’ll pay and find us a seat,” Eddie responded with a smile, and Richie beamed back at him before pinching his arm lovingly and ducking back out of the coffee shop to answer his phone.
Eddie accepted his change from the barista and put his wallet back in his pocket, turning to scan the busy coffee shop for an empty table, which turned out to be no easy task. The place was absolutely packed, full to the brim with college students pouring over text books, artsy types clacking away on their laptops, and couples on coffee dates.
He was just resigning himself to the possibility that they might have to just take their coffee to go, when he suddenly heard a familiar voice from behind him.
“Eddie?”
Eddie whipped around, feeling like he was in a daze as his eyes locked on the speaker. He stared and blinked a couple times at the man in front of him, sitting at a table by the window with a cup of coffee in front of him, wondering if it was a mirage. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, half expecting him to be gone, but he was still there, looking a little different from the last time Eddie had seen him, but definitely him.
“Steve,” Eddie breathed out, barely more than a whisper. He felt like he’d been punched in the chest, like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs.
He tried for a couple minutes to form words, but failed miserably, just opening and closing his mouth like a stupid goldfish.
Eventually Steve seemed to recognize he was drowning and threw him a lifeline.
“Wanna sit?” he offered, gesturing to the empty chair across from him at the table.
Eddie practically collapsed into the chair, still staring at Steve, open-mouthed, feeling like he was looking at a ghost. Thankfully, Steve didn’t seem to mind, he just smiled at Eddie good-naturedly and took a drink of coffee from his mug.
“Hi Eddie,” Steve finally broke the heavy silence that was hanging between them.
Eddie shook his head sharply back and forth, forcing himself to snap out of his daze and act like an actual human being.
“Steve,” he finally responded, hating how breathy his voice sounded. “You… you look good.”
Steve huffed a small laugh.
“You look good too, Eddie.”
“Uh, thanks. Uh, how… how are you?”
Eddie cringed at his own cliche dialogue, but Steve just smiled in response.
“I’m doing great, thanks.”
“Jesus,” Eddie ran a hand through his hair, frustrated by the crushing awkwardness of the situation. “How long has it been?”
“About five years, I guess,” Steve responded easily.
Eddie did the math in his head and nodded in agreement. It had been five years since the last time he’d seen Steve, since the night of their anniversary date when Steve had broken up with Eddie in Eddie’s hallway, revealing that he felt threatened by the relationship Eddie had with Richie and no longer wanted to compete for Eddie’s affection. Eddie had screamed and cried in response, and Steve had walked out.
That was the last time Eddie had seen him, until now.
That was also the night that Richie had finally admitted he had romantic feelings for Eddie, and the night their relationship had grown beyond friendship.
All together, it simultaneously felt like it happened yesterday like it happened a lifetime ago.
Eddie took a moment to actually take in Steve, scanning him up and down as he sipped his coffee. His blonde hair was a little longer than he used to keep it back when he and Eddie were dating, and he now had a little stubble on his face, when he used to always stay clean shaven. Overall he looked mostly the same, but less buttoned-up. More relaxed.
It was a good look on him, Eddie mused to himself.
“What are… I mean, what are you doing here? Sorry,” Eddie shook his head at the harshness of his words. “I just thought you were moving back to New York?”
“I did, for a couple years, but then I decided to go to grad school, and my sister was able to pull some strings to get me a scholarship at Northwestern. She’s on the board there now. I didn’t really want to pack up and move again, but, I mean, it’s Northwestern, ya know?”
Steve shrugged slightly, and Eddie nodded in understanding.
“Yeah… yeah, I know,” Eddie added, really just to fill the silence.
Thankfully, at that moment the barista appeared next to him to place both his and Richie’s coffee on the table, providing him with a momentary escape. He thanked her before turning his attention back to Steve.
“So, you’re doing your masters. How is that?” he brought his cup up to his mouth and took a sip, wincing at how hot the coffee was. He’d usually wait a couple minutes for it to cool, but the nervous energy coursing through his veins made him feel the need to busy his hands.
“It’s fine. It’s a lot of work, but a lot of reward too. I mean, it’s a masters program, so…”
He trailed off, watching Eddie struggle to drink his scalding coffee, then after a moment they both began to laugh earnestly.
Eddie relaxed back into his chair, setting the cup of coffee down in front of him to wait for it to cool. He looked up to see that Steve had visibly relaxed as well, apparently both of them having decided to cut the bullshit and stop pretending this wasn’t weird.
“Did you try the oat milk? I think it’s new here,” Steve asked, gesturing to the mug in front of Eddie.
“Yeah, I love oat milk. There’s this cafe near our new apartment that does a great latte with it.”
“I do too. Glad to see these coffee shops are finally coming around to your ideas.”
Eddie laughed; he’d often talked about how coffee places needed more dairy alternatives, and in the last couple years it did seem as though his wish was coming true, slowly but surely.
“You look good, Eddie,” Steve continued, eyes trailing up and down Eddie. “Really. You look… happy.”
Eddie smiled, blushing slightly under Steve’s gaze and running a thumb along the rim of his mug. The liquid inside was still emitting steam.
“So…” Steve began again, now looking out the window. Eddie followed his gaze to see Richie out on the sidewalk, talking animatedly on the phone. “You and Richie are still living together? Still… roommates and everything?”
“Uh, no,” Eddie shifted uncomfortably in his seat and chewed his lip, averting his gaze away from Steve’s face and looking down at his hands that were wrapped around his warm mug. “Well, yeah. I mean, we’re still living together, but, uh…”
“Not as roommates,” Steve filled in for him, and Eddie gazed up at him with a tentative smile.
“No, not exactly.”
“He’s your boyfriend?”
“Uh, no,” Eddie chewed his lip again, but forced himself to maintain eye contact. “Actually… we’re, um, we’re engaged.”
He pulled his left hand away from the mug and lifted it up to show the silver ring on his finger. Steve looked at the ring for a moment, then looked back up at Eddie’s face. His eyebrows were raised slightly, but there was also a genuine smile on his face, which made Eddie exhale a sigh of relief.
“Wow. Congratulations. I’m happy for you.”
Eddie smiled and blushed a bit.
“Thanks.”
He brought the mug back up to his lips to see if it was cool enough to drink, taking a tentative sip, and over the rim of the mug he watched Steve take a drink from his mug as well.
It was a nice moment, but Eddie still felt as though there was a rock in the pit of his stomach. The way things had ended between Steve and himself, that final fight they’d had in the hallway of his apartment, had always weighed on him. It was mostly overshadowed by the events of the rest of the night, but still… it just didn’t seem like the appropriate end to the relationship he and Steve had shared. Steve had been his first boyfriend, and they’d dated for three years. Steve had moved halfway across the country to be with him. And the last thing Eddie ever said to him was screaming at him to get out of his apartment. For five years, it had been lingering in the back of Eddie’s mind.
This was his chance to rectify that.
Eddie cleared his throat softly, causing Steve to set down his mug and look at him attentively.
“Look, Steve… about that night. The night we broke up…”
Steve pressed his lips together and ran a hand through his hair, exhaling heavily through his nose.
“Eddie, you don’t have to…”
“No, I do,” Eddie interjected, leaning forward slightly. “Listen, I just need you to know… nothing ever happened between me and Richie while I was with you. I know there was some… romantic tension… between us. Well, I can see it in retrospect, at least. But we never… I was always faithful to you, the whole time we were together.”
“Eddie…” Steve began, but Eddie cut him off.
“You know that, right?”
Steve sighed slowly, but nodded.
“Yes, I do. I believe you, Eddie.”
He opened his mouth to say something else, but Eddie just talked over him. He had a lot to get off his chest, and now that the floodgates were open, they couldn’t be stopped.
“But I understand why you felt the way you did. Richie and I were so close, even back then, and I understand why it made you feel uncomfortable, or made you feel like you came second. I could have been more mindful of your feelings. I could have paid more attention. But I was just so caught up in myself, I didn’t even think about the way my relationship with Richie might make you feel.”
He paused for a moment and swallowed hard, searching Steve’s face, but there were no strong emotions to be found. He just watched Eddie patiently, waiting for him to continue.
“And I’m sorry for… I’m sorry for the way I reacted when you broke up with me. I really am. It was awful, and it was childish, and you deserved to be treated better than that. You deserve better than the kind of relationship I gave you, Steve.”
“Eddie,” Steve said softly, reaching over and laying a hand on top of Eddie’s where it was resting on the table. “Eddie, I really cared about you. I still do. I think a part of me always will. I’m sorry for the way things ended between us too, and I made a lot of mistakes as well. I do think we had something special, and you meant a lot to me, but our relationship had run its course. It was time we both moved on. You don’t have to be sorry, or feel guilty. I’m glad that you’re happy with Richie. I really am.”
Eddie’s lips curled up into a tentative smile.
“Thanks. I am. Happy, I mean. I’m really happy.”
He looked down at where Steve’s hand was still covering his on the table. It had been so long, but years ago, Steve’s hand had held his so many times. Those hands had touched him in so many ways: brushing his hair back out of his face, rubbing his back when he was stressed, gripping his hips when they’d made love...
He couldn’t help but think about how in another life, he might have ended up with Steve. Maybe they’d be living together now, and he’d be the supportive partner that Steve would come home to as he worked his way through grad school. They’d probably be engaged by now, or even married already, if they’d stayed together.
Eddie supposed it wouldn’t be such a bad life. Steve was a good guy, and he’d always been good to Eddie.
But still, after five years with Richie, after getting engaged to Richie… he just couldn’t imagine his life without him. It just seemed like something would always be… missing.
And when Steve eventually pulled his hand away and he saw that silver engagement ring nestled on his own finger, he felt a bloom of warmth in his stomach that radiated all the way up to his chest and down to his toes.
He looked up to smile at Steve, who smiled back, and they wordlessly drank their coffee for a bit, the moment between them now over.
“So,” Eddie finally began again, cradling his warm mug in his hands. “What about you? Like, are you… seeing anyone?”
Steve shook his head, but there was still a small smile on his face.
“Not right now, no. There was this one guy… a guy in my program. I guess we kinda had something for a bit, but… it’s just hard to date right now. Like I said, grad school is tough.”
He punctuated it with a shrug, as if to say ‘such is life’, and Eddie nodded in understanding.
“How much longer is your program?”
“Just one more semester, and then six months to do my dissertation, which is honestly hell. Like, it’s a topic I really care about, but my God it’s a lot of work. Plus my advisor has been super flakey. I can’t even get him to review my first draft.”
“Wow, that blows,” Eddie smiled, taking another sip of coffee. “What’s the topic for your dissertation?”
“Sexual health resources for adolescent women in marginalized communities.”
“Oh that sounds really interesting. Definitely your kind of thing,” Eddie responded.
“Sorry that took so long, I guess Charlie decided to up and change his mind about-” Richie stopped abruptly, mouth dropping open in shock.
“Steve,” Richie finally stated, still in disbelief.
“Hey, Richie,” Steve responded calmly with an easy smile.
Richie stood frozen in place next to Eddie, opening and closing his mouth and stammering, staring transfixed at Steve. Eddie fought down the urge to laugh at the sight of Richie’s ridiculousness; he wondered if that was how he looked when he first saw Steve.
“We should grab another chair,” Eddie finally offered, looking around him for a free seat.
“No, I should get going,” Steve threw back the last of his coffee and stood up. “But it was nice to see you, Eddie. Really. And congratulations, both of you, on the engagement.”
He offered them both a smile before turning and walking out of the coffee shop, turning the corner and disappearing.
Richie collapsed bonelessly into the empty chair across from Eddie, letting out a massive exhale of air, as if he’d been holding his breath.
“Wow.”
Eddie threw his head back and laughed, and Richie eventually joined him.
“Yeah,” Eddie agreed when his giggles had subsided. “Wow.”
Richie grabbed his coffee off the table and took a long drink.
“I almost expected him to punch me in the face or something.”
“Oh, come on. Steve? Punching someone? Not a chance,” Eddie snickered into his coffee. “Besides, what the hell would he punch you for?”
“Well, I kinda stole his man, didn’t I?”
Eddie leaned across the table and laid his hand on Richie’s forearm where it was resting on the table, his engagement ring glinting in the flourescent lights of the cafe.
“You can’t steal what was always yours.”