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“Tine, what’s wrong?”
“Sorry. It’s nothing.”
“Obviously it's not nothing, you’re upset about it.”
“It's just, um…” Tine shows Sarawat his phone with the Instagram post with comments of Team Sarawat Wives saying that Tine doesn't deserve Sarawat.
“Tine…”
“It's not... it's not that I don't trust you, or that I doubt us because I know it hurts you a lot when I misunderstand your feelings but... then why do they keep saying these things? Maybe there is something about me…”
“Tine,” Sarawat holds Tine's face in his hands, “There's no part of you that I don't love…”
“But I…” Tine tears up “I hurt you so bad, Wat. I'm a really bad boyfriend to you, I didn't trust you when you needed me, I left you, I wouldn't listen to you and... I just don't understand why you would still want to be with me when I…” Tine is full on crying at this point.
“Tine, baby, please don't cry,” Sarawat hugs him and Tine tries to stop crying, but it's forceful. Tine’s trying to make Sarawat happy. He's being a nuisance again.
“I’m sorry. I’m making problems again,” Tine wipes his tears.
“Okay, Tine. I need you to listen to me, and really listen okay because your brain’s really good at making stuff up and jumping to conclusions but not so great at listening,” Tine frowns, “...and I love you so much that I need you to understand this, okay?” Tine smiles, and nods.
“Tine, when are you going to realise that I'm not with you by accident?” Tine is confused, “I looked for you for so long, then I found you. I pined after you for so long. I accepted the scraps of the fake relationship you gave me. I fought hard to keep you. Why do you always think that I'm gonna give up on you so quickly? Do you... do you not trust me?”
“I'm sorry, Wat. It's not... it's not you, Wat. It's really not. It's me. I'm not…” Tine takes a breath, “I dated a lot of people before you, like a lot of people, and I never felt the same way about them like I feel about you... but they all still left me eventually, for all kinds of reasons... and y'know after a while I just thought that maybe there would always be something about me, some way that I was lacking... and eventually they would find it... and then I wouldn't be enough for them and I'm so... you're not like the rest of them, Wat. You're too important and I'm just... so scared that one day you'll find a reason to leave me," Tine has tears back in his eyes.
“So you thought you would leave me first, huh?” Sarawat says it a bit too bitterly. He doesn't look at Tine.
Tine blanks, “Wat... I’m sorry.” His voice shakes.
Sarawat tenses, “No. I'm sorry, Tine. I shouldn't have said that. It was unfair. I understand why you left,” Sarawat wipes the tears from Tine’s eyes.
“Do you?”
“...Not really,” Sarawat is avoiding Tine’s eyes again.
“I don't know what happened. Honestly, I was just... so convinced that you were going to leave me for her. It just made sense to me that I should leave. I ... I didn't mean to hurt you, Wat. I thought it's what you wanted, but it wasn't. I realise that I hurt you and I'm sorry. I should have talked to you first before giving up,” Tine’s crying again.
Sarawat kisses Tine’s forehead, “It’s okay, baby. And yes, you should have talked to me about it. I know you were scared, but next time, even for the smallest problem, please talk to me. Yell at me, swear at me or whatever just don't shut me out again, okay?” Sarawat’s tearing up now.
Tine see’s this and is on the verge of a full breakdown, “Wat…” Tine just sobs for a while, not able to control it, “I don't know how to make it better. I've been so terrible to you but... you won't break up with me even though you should. So I just feel like we're uneven and I don't know how to fix this? What do you want from me? I'll do anything. I just... I don't want to feel like a horrible person anymore?”
“Tine…” Tine straddles him.
“Do you want me to do this?” Tine kisses him, a bit too roughly, a bit too clumsily, frenzied. He rubs his thigh against Wat's crotch.
Sarawat holds Tine’s face and forces the kiss to be deeper, slower, until Tine goes pliant on top of him. He breaks the kiss, “Tine, stop. I don't want anything from you. I just want you to stay here with me forever.”
“I don't understand how that can be enough for you.”
Sarawat sighs, “I know you're not gonna overcome your insecurities about yourself in one day, or just because I'm dating you, but please don't doubt me, okay? I love you so much. You're my whole world. Even if you think you're small, you're giant to me. You're everything to me. There's no one else that could replace you.” Sarawat tries a different strategy, “So many moments of my life have been made up by you. They’re important to me because you were there. I meant it when I said you would never be a stranger to me, Tine. I’m not going to let us go back to how we were before we were dating because I will always love you. Even if you can't trust me, you can trust the boy in high school who fell in love at that Scrubb concert because that'll never change. We'll always have that moment together.”
Tine’s crying but smiling so wide, “Sarawat, I love you so much. You know that, right?”
Sarawat smiles and gives him a quick peck on the lips, “I know.”
“How do I make it up to you, Wat? All you ever do is comfort me, support me and all I do is make trouble for you. How do I pay you back?”
Sarawat pouted, “You could comfort and support me back,” he huffs and rolls to his side of the bed, crossing his arms.
Tine laughs and rolls over on top of him, “Oh? How do I do that?”
“Like this,” Sarawat pulls Tine close to him, hugging him tightly.
“Tine?”
“Hm?”
“Have you heard of love languages?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I... just if you wanted to make it up to me. My ... I think mine is physical touch. So... sometimes I just need you... to hold me? Like this... it, uh... makes me feel very nice,” Sarawat is totally blushing.
Tine’s smiling, “In that case, I'll never let you go.” Tine rearranges them so that he has his arms around Sarawat instead of the other way round.
“Hmmm. I would like that.” Wat's smiling like a kitten in a warm bed.
“You wanna know what mine is?”
“What?”
“Grand gestures,”
“I should have fucking guessed.”
Tine is smiling so wide.
“This is all I want Tine. For you to be happy and here with me... I was ... I was so happy when we were living here that first month. You don't know how happy it made me to wake up to you everyday. I love you and I loved how happy we were... but then you were upset and I didnt know why and I didnt know how to fix it,” Sarawat’s tearing up, “...and you didn't want to talk to me and then one day you were just... gone, all your stuff, but you left the bracelet,” Sarawat is sobbing quietly.
“I’m sorry, Wat. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say... I don't know how to fix this.”
“I'm not,” Sarawats sniffs, “I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, Tine. I don't want you to feel bad anymore. I just... I need you to understand what happened. Understand how I felt so that next time you're thinking some insane bullshit about why you should leave me, you'll know that I never wanted you to go,” Both of them are full on sobbing now.
“I'll never do it again, Wat. I promise. I... I understand now. You're important to me and ... I'm important to you so I shouldn't think bad about myself anymore.” Tine takes a breath in, “It just... um... might take awhile for me to... fully get it... because I've been thinking this way for a long time.”
“I know, Tine. I know it's your struggle and it's going to take time... but I’m going to help you. If I have to remind you everyday that you are perfect then I will, because I love you and you are perfect to me.”
Tine’s blushing so hard, “I.. uh... maybe don't say that to me everyday. I don't think my heart could take it,” Tine’s burying his face in Sarawat’s neck.
Sarawat sighs and holds Tine tight, “Oh and another thing I have to scold you about…”
Tine laughs, “There's more? I think I'm emotionally exhausted.”
“Of course there’s more, nuisance,” Sarawat kisses him deeply, “How about now?”
“You know, suddenly I'm recharged. What is it?”
Sarawat giggles, “Tine, please don't apologise for creating problems in my life,” Tine frowns and Sarawat kisses his forehead, “Don't think that I'm suffering through this relationship. You're my nuisance, remember?” Sarawat kisses him on the cheek, “And please don't think that telling me about things that are making you upset is "making a problem" for me? As we have seen, it turns out way worse when you don't "make problems" for me,” Tine pouts and Sarawat kisses it off his face, “Don't think I'm so shallow that I would get annoyed with you for telling me when you're upset.”
Tine looks down guiltily, “I didn't mean to imply…”
Sarawat kisses him again, “I know... it's your silly brain telling you lies about me.”
Tine breathes out, “I was just so scared of messing it up ... This relationship is so important that i... I don't want anything to ruin it ... Shit, I almost threw it all away because of mine own stupid shit,” Tine scrunches his hands against his eyes.
Sarawat kisses his hands and then removes them from Tine’s face, “You don't have to be scared anymore. I'm never leaving you ever again and nothing can tear us apart if we just talk to each other.”
Tine frowns, “I’m sorry, Wat.”
Sarawat kisses his forehead, “Shh.. no more apologising .. wasn't your fault... silly brain.” Sarawat cuddles up to him, digging his face against Tine’s chest.
Tine laughs, “Shit, how are you the perfect guy?”
“Mmm.. m'not... That's you.”
“How did I get lucky enough to be with you?”
“You were the one who stepped on my foot, you should only be blaming yourself now that you're stuck with me.”
Tine giggles and pulls him closer, “I think I owe you a lifetime of cuddles at this point.”
“Yes you do... Have to stay like this forever…”
“Wat?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Tine.”
Tine kisses Sarawat.
“Promise you'll never leave me?”
“Never.”
“Promise you'll never get tired of me?”
“ Impossible.”
“Promise that you're not just dating me for my looks?”
“I mean, it does help,”
Tine hits him.
“What? I'm not allowed to acknowledge that I have a very hot boyfriend?” Sarawat laughs, “I fell in love with your smile first, Tine, but I fell in love with the rest of you when you started being a nuisance towards me.”
Tine smiles a bit.
“Promise me that you're gonna talk to me about any and all problems you have in the future?”
“I promise.”
“Good, because if I find out if you have so much as a papercut without telling me, I'm gonna be so mad.”
Tine giggles, “Overprotective.”
“Only for you babe,” Sarawat kisses Tine again, “Promise that you’ll trust me when I tell you that I love you and that I’m not going to randomly change my mind?”
“Promise, but I'll probably need you to remind me.”
“Everyday…” Sarawat holds Tine’s hand in his and looks him in the eye, seriously, “Promise me…” Sarawat gets a little choked up, “...that I'm not gonna come home one day and find you gone again?”
“I promise, Wat,” kisses Sarawat softly and pulls him into a hug, “I'm hugging you because you told me not to apologize anymore.”
“Good, I prefer this. In fact, you should do this every time you have to say sorry.”
Tine laughs, “What am I gonna do, ‘Sorry, Wat, I burned breakfast again but how ‘bout a hug?’ ”
Sarawat snorts, “Yes, please.”
They stay like that, holding each other. Looking into each other's eyes.
“I love you, Wat. So much.”
“You're saying that a lot tonight.”
“I know. I just... need you to know.”
“I love you too, nuisance. Please believe me.”
“I do. I really do”
Sarawat smiles and holds Tine close, “God, I can't wait to go back to doing cute domestic shit with you. This last month has been hell.”
“I know. Is it weird to say I miss doing both our laundry?”
“Yes, laundry sucks,” Sarawat wiggles uncomfortably, adjusting them, “Just you wait, I'm gonna cook you dinner tomorrow. It's gonna be so cute.”
“I can't wait,” Tine smiles widely.
Sarawat looks up at him, “I think I missed your smile most of all Tine. Got so worried when you stopped smiling. Never gonna let it happen again.”
“I’m so happy, Wat. I thought I'd ruined us for good.”
“You didn't. You couldn’t , because I'm never gonna stop loving you.”
“Shit, do you want a medal for being best boyfriend of the year? You seem to be an overachiever.”
“Oh? Should I start being selfish?”
“Yes. I want to take care of you as well.”
“Then just hold me. This is enough.”
“Ok.”
“We'll be okay, Tine. I promise.”
“I trust you.”