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Chapter Text

The day of the goodbye

Charlotte watched Sanditon’s houses and shops pass by the window, all of them now as familiar and dear as they had once been novel, all those weeks ago.

As they left the town behind, the road climbing to scale the cliffs ahead, a solitary figure stepped into the road. The carriage was brought to a halt and she realized with a lurch of her bruised heart that it was Sidney. She had thought never to see him again.

She stepped down to the road, her legs shaking beneath her. It was hard to look at him, knowing with certainty that he now belonged to someone else.

He moved towards her, as if to take her hand but then seemed to think better of it.

“I couldn’t let you go without...” He sighed heavily. “Tell me you don’t think too badly of me. I don’t think too well of myself.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think badly of you”.

He cupped her face, there was desperation in his eyes. “I am going to try to find a way. I can’t promise you anything. I don’t love her, you know...”.

“You must not speak like that. She loves you and you have agreed to marry her. You must try and make her happy”.

He kissed her gently and leaned his forehead against hers, still stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. “I have to find a way”, he mumbled before he let her go.

As the carriage began to move, leaving him behind, she could not tear her eyes from his, even as he grew smaller and smaller as the horses gathered speed.

Sidney looked lost after the carriage as it took his Charlotte away. He had to find a way, or at least know that he had tried. A gentle sea breeze wiped a tear away from his cheek as he mounted his horse and took off in a neck breaking speed. He didn’t have a plan but he knew where to start and just before midnight he arrived at Babington’s estate.

“Sidney, what brings you here at this time of night?”

“I need your help”. Sidney turned his eyes to Esther. “And hopefully yours too”

“Well, you better come in then”. Babington hugged him and slapped him a few times on the back.

“Where is your bag? I’ll have it send to your room”, Esther looked at Sidney and knew the answer before he said anything.

Sidney blushed, “I didn’t bring one. I raced from London to see Charlotte before she left and when I saw her ride away in the carriage my only thought was to come here. It couldn’t be the end of it. Of us.”

“We’ll sort you out, I take it you haven’t eaten either”, Esther didn’t wait for a reply but sent a footman to the kitchen to fetch something.

Babington examined his friend; he had never seen him like this before but he felt happy that he and Esther were someone Sidney trusted enough to turn to in the middle of the night and in such despair.

They sat in Babington’s study by the fireplace, a tumbler in hand. Sidney had finished laying out the situation with the fire, the lack of insurance and of course his engagement to Mrs. Campion. Esther looked relieved, “I knew something was wrong, that you couldn’t be truly in love with that conniving woman. I am surprised that you came to us instead of taking Charlotte to Scotland”.

“Yeah, well. I considered it. I’m at a point where I could do it to Tom, but I couldn’t do it to Charlotte. She deserves to start married life properly and with the blessing and respect of her family – even if it means it won’t be with me. But I hope to find a way. It occurred to me when I saw her drive away that maybe I had been knocking on the wrong doors, that maybe I should have sought the help of friends instead of the condescendence of banks.” Sidney rubbed his face, he looked tired.

Esther observed him she recognized the overwhelming love that had made Babington repellent to her many and hard rejections but finally he had broken down her walls and she had let herself love him back. The thought of where she would have been if he hadn’t succeeded and more importantly who she would have been without him made her heart ache extra for their dear friend. She cleared her throat.

“As I see it, we have three obstacles we need to overcome. The first is to buy time with my aunt. I will take care of that one myself. Secondly, we need to raise the funding needed. Babington, my dear, that sounds like a job for you – you do after all have some very rich and quite tedious friends. Perhaps a fundraising ball of some sort. I don’t know. The third and perhaps most difficult one is getting Mrs. Campion to break the engagement. We cannot afford for you to break it, Sidney. But she is wealthy enough to throw you out once again without social consequences. Maybe Lady Susan can be of some assistance in that department? Will you go talk to her? First things first, I will leave for Sanditon in the morning and talk to the old hag and will therefor retire now. We will meet here again to discuss the financial part when I have returned from Sanditon and you have returned from London, Sidney. Please remember to pack a bag.”

She patted Sidney gently on the shoulder as she walked past him, “It isn’t over yet. Goodnight, Gentlemen”.

Sidney and Babington followed her with their eyes. Babington had a surprised and proud look on his face, “Is it just me, or did she just outline a plan and set it in motion without waiting for us to comment or accept?”

“Yes!” Sidney laughed for the first time in weeks.

Chapter Text

The day of and the day after the goodbye

Willingden looked smaller and more confined than ever as Charlotte saw it approach. She was not the same woman and it was definitely not the same river. Her heart ached as she truly understood what Sidney had meant that day by the river.

Her family was thrilled to see her and for a moment Charlotte forgot her broken heart and the pain in Sidney’s eyes as he let go of her. But only for a moment. She had always been very close to her father and Mr. Heywood felt her sadness before he saw it in her eyes. He hoped that she would confide in him in due time.

As a surprise for her Mr. and Mrs. Heywood had rearranged the rooms so that Charlotte could get her own room. She was relieved and happy to have a private place. They had even placed a small bookshelf with some of her favorite books from her father’s library. She stood still and let her fingers gently brush the backs of the books. They stopped at a small copy of Heraclitus with some his most famous ethos, she took it out and knew what she had to do.

The next morning, she woke up early. Or rather she gave up finding sleep and crept out of the house to take a walk in the rising morning sun and clear her mind. She had just turned on to the small path by the river when she heard her father’s voice behind her, “Good morning, my dear. May I join you?” She smiled and tugged her arm under his and they walked in silence for a while.

“You know I think very highly of you, don’t you? Know that you can confide in me and I promise I will not think the lesser of you”.

He looked at her with his kind and intelligent eyes, oh, she had always been the apple of his eye and of course he knew that something wasn’t as it should be.

Charlotte sighed. “You may have promised more than you can keep”, she smiled bravely at him. Tears were welling up in her eyes and her father knew that whatever it was he would have to keep his promise. She started hesitantly “My heart is broken. I fell in love... I am in love. He loves me too but...” She was crying now and her father held her tight and let her cry out and she told him everything while sobbing against his chest. He held her after she was done talking and crying and after a while, she looked up at him.

“I am holding you to your promise”.

“My dear girl, you have done nothing wrong! Well, I am not proud that you went to London alone to save Miss Lambe and I should probably both thank Mr. Parker for saving you from being attacked and scold him for taking you with him to Scotland. But I have not raised you to be a bystander and I cannot be proud of who you have become and then blame you for acting like it. I cannot mend your broken heart but I can give it sanctuary and an ear when it bursts open. As for Mr. Parker I find it hard to hold anything against him except the pain that he has unwillingly afflicted on you, I imagine that makes him suffer the double.”

Charlotte teared up again and Mr. Heywood dried her eyes with his handkerchief before he gently brought her back to the house.

A week later Sidney received a small parcel at his London house. His heart was pounding as he opened it, no sender but he could recognize her handwriting anywhere. There was no letter, just a small card with Charlotte’s beautiful handwriting inserted at a page marking one of Heraclitus’ ethos:

“Out of every one hundred men, ten shouldn't even be there, eighty are just targets, nine are the real fighters, and we are lucky to have them, for they make the battle. Ah, but the one, one is a warrior, and he will bring the others back.”

The card said, “I don’t think badly of you, C.”

Tears welled in his eyes as he stroked the cover, he knew this was her favorite book and she had given it to him as a goodbye present. A definitive goodbye. He understood the meaning, the painful oxymoron that she loved him because he was the kind of man that could never turn his back on his family though it also meant that she would lose him because of it. He kissed the book; it carried a bit of her scent and was the closest he could be to her right now – he would bring the small book with him everywhere. He put the small card in his wallet.

With the help of Babington and Esther he had a rough plan laid out. It had to work.

Chapter Text

Two days after the goodbye

Two days after his untimely arrival at the Babington estate Sidney called upon Lady Susan. She always had an air of cool elegance around her and he had the feeling that she had the power to make or break any man – or woman in her acquaintance. Her involvement with the Prince regent was well known and all rumors connected to it were of admiration rather than outrage and no doubt controlled by her social power. Her face showed no surprise or confusion by his visit, she just smiled and held out her hand. “What a pleasant surprise, Mr. Parker”.

He bowed and kissed the back of her hand. The sitting room was a reflection of her as he perceived her. Luxuriously silk decorated walls in shimmering golden and green colors, potted exotic trees and sparkling chandeliers. She was matched by her surroundings, not the other way around.

“What do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

He coughed shyly. “I need your help”. She looked smilingly at him and waited for him to continue.

“I have made a terrible mistake and at the time I didn’t seem to have other options but if there is a glimpse of hope to find another way, I have to pursuit it. As you probably know I am engaged to Mrs. Campion. I do not love her but my brother’s reckless handling of finances has left him with a debt of £80.000.” Sidney drove his hands through his hair and rubbed the stubbles on his chin. “As you probably also know I am in love with Charlotte – Miss Heywood, and I think, I hope that she returns my feelings. And I broke her heart in the process, I will never forget the pain in her eyes for as long as I live. She is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me and I have to try to change our fate.”

His mouth felt dry and he looked up at her to seek some kind of reaction. But she just returned his look as if to say, please continue.

“I know that I don’t deserve any favors from you but if you think that I might make Charlotte happy, perhaps you would for her sake. Anyway, I am not here to ask for your investment but I need Sanditon to be a success as quickly as possible, or rather I need it not to be harmed by what I hope to do and your influence matters more than anyone else’s I can think of.”

Lady Susan arched an eyebrow. “I am not sure what you want me to do, Mr. Parker, but I am in. Charlotte is a dear friend of mine and though your good intensions against your family, you did hurt her badly. She still thinks the world of you – I don’t but I see that you are in as much pain as she is. Maybe more because you caused it and that will have to do for now”.

Sidney cleared his throat. “You have heard from her?” His voice was faint and trembling.

“Yes, I have. She wrote to me since I was the only one who she had confided in how she felt about you. Well, I dragged it out of her.” Susan smiled.

“How is she?”

“Hurting but determined to forget and move on.”

“I can’t do that. Forget her.”

“Well then.”

“Well then.”

Susan called for something stronger than tea not giving a fig about decorum – it was after all only late morning.

Sidney had his eyes fixed at the amber drink in his tumbler and considered how to proceed but Susan beat him to it.

“I imagine that you have two problems that needs solving. Raise funding and get rid of Mrs. Campion. Am I right?”

He nodded.

“And your reason to call on me is primarily the latter. Correct?”

He nodded again.

“Leave that to me. Let’s talk money for now. I have already placed an investment for an apartment at the terrace. Consider that money safe. I shall convince the Prince Regent to do the same, that should hold other investors to their investment. How are your feelings about Sanditon, Sidney?”

Sidney’s surprise to hear her use his Christian name made Susan laugh heartedly.

“Please call me Susan, don’t you think the situation has propelled decorum in that regard? I prefer to be so with people I am in cahoots with”.

Sidney laughed for the second time this week and nodded again.

“Well, ehm... Susan, to answer your question. My feelings towards Sanditon are solely relying on Charlotte. Without her there it is just a small place with painful memories. I love my brother but Tom is a constant reminder of what I have had to sacrifice”.

“I thought so. You may have to grow some feelings about Sanditon to secure a future with Charlotte. Without you as an active and responsible participant in the business I doubt you will succeed in raising the money. However, your involvement would be considered an asset to the project. As you may well know yourself, Sidney, we tend to invest in people not projects. And your brother is an unstable investment regardless. If you would consider being the financial lead and warrant for responsible disposition, I would be more than happy to assist in securing funding as well”.

Her words struck a chord in Sidney. She was right, it would be easier to talk to investors if it was on his own behalf and not Tom’s. A lifetime with Sanditon would be a small price to pay for a lifetime with Charlotte. He would have to write Esther. Perhaps it would help her too. Susan had provided an outlined solution for the second obstacle.

They talked for another hour and Susan promised to keep him updated on the whereabouts of Charlotte. Sidney took his leave and allowed hope to grow.

Later that day a card and two letters were written and sent express.

-:-

“Dear Mrs. Campion,

I hope this note finds you in good health. Please join me for tea tomorrow at 11.

Yours,

Lady Worchester”

-:-

“My dear Charlotte,

I hope that your heart is mending and still capable of love. My dear friend, how I miss you and I do hope that I will soon be able to convince you to come visit me.

I crossed paths with Sidney Parker today and though he did not ask me to I still pass that Heraclitus is a most dear possession of his. Know that he is trying to be the man you love and a man that you can love. I am not trying to raise your hopes falsely just a small prayer that you stay patient.

Please do not hesitate to come if your family will be willing to let you go. I would be more than happy to have you as my protégé for the winter season.

Your devoted friend forever,

Susan”

-:-

“Dear Esther,

I hope that this letter finds you in good health and that you have arrived safely in Sanditon. I also hope that it reaches you before your talk with Lady Denham.

My meeting with Lady Worchester went very well and she made a good point that I will have to throw myself in as part of the investment. As we both know I don’t have any shame in that regard so please consider me an active part of running Sanditon and securing financial responsibility. Hopefully that will help convince your aunt not to withdraw her investment for the moment if ever. Lady Worchester is still onboard and is quite confident that The Prince Regent can be convinced as well.

Best of luck and thank you for doing this. I cannot begin to describe what it means to me.

Forever grateful,

Sidney”

Chapter Text

Two days after the goodbye

Esther arrived at Sanditon House just in time for dinner, Lady Denham’s delight was very measured but Esther knew that her aunt was thrilled to see her.

“Esther, my dear. Tired of married life already?”

“No, Aunt. I came entirely to enjoy your company” Esther’s voice was oozing with her characteristic sarcasm. Lady Denham smirked and motioned them to sit down and called for tea.

They enjoyed their normal banter during tea and dinner before Esther retired for the night. The journey and only a few hours of sleep was evident in every fiber of her.

Next morning Lady Denham examined her during breakfast quite convinced that Esther’s visit had a purpose. Esther could feel her eyes on her but ignored them and turned her attention to a letter from Sidney that was just delivered by a footman. She smiled as she folded it and put it away. This did not vex Lady Denham any less and her impatience got the better of her.

“Really Esther, why have you come?”

“Well, dear aunt. To reason with you” Esther spoke calmly and didn’t break eye contact.

“Reason with me?” Lady Denham sounded annoyed and was just about to blow her temper.

“Yes” Esther was still calm.

“Pray, Child. Do tell” Lady Denham leaned demonstrably back in her chair. Her lips pressed stubbornly together.

“You love Sanditon more than anyone and you have done more to secure its future than anyone. Your wealth and position make you powerful and have turned you into a bully... ”.

“How dare you come here...” Lady Denham rose from her chair. Esther interrupted her calmly. She was an excellent reader of the little tell signs in everyone she met. She normally used it to place her verbal punch but now she needed it to know when to catch and release – it was time to release a little.

“Come now, aunt. You speak your mind better than anyone and that is perhaps the greatest thing you and I have in common. It can hardly come as a surprise to you that I don’t sugarcoat things. Please hear me out because whether you like it or not, I do hold you in great esteem and I have missed our last time together when we seemed to find mutual ground and dare, I say respect. I owe my happiness to you. If you hadn’t told me that it was infinitely better to be loved, than to love, I wouldn’t have let Babington slip through the cracks of my defense. He didn’t win me over with declarations of love but the will to stand by my side because of who I was and not despite of it – even though I didn’t find myself worthy of that kind of affection. I chose to be loved because of your words and I have come to return the favor”.

Lady Denham had sat down again. She tried to hide it but she was intrigued and curious to see where this was going. In her best superior body language, she waved her hand to tell Esther to continue.

Esther let go of an internally sigh and continued reeling in the line. “Sanditon is stuck between the ridiculous fantasies of Tom Parker and your frequent threats to pull your funding. It’s a wonder that the town still stands with the way lack of responsibility that you two have shown in your cooperation. Tom is a bloody fool and he will probably never change, but he can be managed and controlled. You are worse because you have chosen to be like this. Imagine your legacy if you chose to use your power to do good in the project and use your influence as an asset instead of an ax hanging over everybody’s head?”

After a long and awkward pause, Lady Denham spoke. She wasn’t angry – she wasn’t happy either but wanted to see where this was going.

“So, how do you propose that we go about this?”

“We need to find someone you trust enough to handle the financial part of Sanditon. Someone who can control Tom Parker and mold his visions into reliable reality.”

“I am guessing you already have someone in mind” Lady Denham was not altogether displeased anymore.

“Mr. Sidney Parker. He would be an asset to Sanditon and as a well renowned businessman a valid prospect for investors.” Esther wondered if she should go on but chose to stop. Release.

“Mr. Sidney Parker!? But he is off to London to marry that Mrs. Campion, I don’t see her wanting to spend her life here in Sanditon!”

“Who loves Sanditon as much as Tom Parker and yourself?”

Lady Denham looked puzzled. This was not a question she had foreseen. She chose to bite back instead.

“How should I know who wanders around and loves Sanditon?”

Esther was tired but she was so close. “Charlotte Heywood. Everything that has gone well this summer is due to her. Not Tom Parker. Sidney loves her and as you said yourself it is better to be loved than love. If Charlotte is here, so is Sidney”. She bit her lip; revealing this was a gamble for sure.

“I should have known that that girl was here to find a wealthy husband. But it doesn’t matter Sidney Parker is engaged to be married”.

“We are working on that as we speak and if you don’t mind, dear aunt, I think you could be an asset in that department as well”.

That caught her aunt’s attention, Esther could tell. Lady Denham loved to intervene in people’s love life and quite openly so.

“Alright, Esther. You have my attention, not my approval, but I will play along. For now. What is the next step?” Lady Denham leaned forward in her chair, excitement glowing in her eyes.

And catch. “I need you to write a letter to Charlotte and ask her to come here as your guest. Ask her to bring her best ideas for Sanditon with her”.

“I guess I could do that. Anything else you want to bother me with, Esther?”.

“Yes” Lady Denham rolled her eyes.

“Lord Babington and I would like you to be Godmother of our child”. Esther’s voice was soft and her hand brushed her stomach as if to emphasize her words.

Lady Denham brushed her away with her hand. A treacherous tear was forming in the corner of her eye.

With a smirk Esther turned her back and started leaving the breakfast room. It had gone better than expected. As she walked through the door Lady Denham said in an uncharacteristically soft voice.

“I would be honored to”.

Chapter Text

Three days after the goodbye.

Mrs. Eliza Campion was slightly nervous when she arrived at Lady Worchester’s house. They did meet occasionally at social functions but Lady W was in a league of her own and quite frankly Eliza envied her that position. Her own wealth was greater in size – she guessed, no one actually knew exactly how wealthy Lady W was but there was no doubt that her social capital and thereby power was only surpassed by The Prince Regent and she wasn’t even completely convinced that Lady W didn’t control him either. So, yes Eliza was nervous.

“Mrs. Campion, how kind of you to accept my invitation. Please sit down”.

Eliza curtsied with a smile, “Thank you for inviting me”.

Susan studied her like a predator trying to decide whether to play with its prey before killing it or just go for the throat. She decided to play.

“Tell me, Eliza – may I call you that we are after all in private and have met a number of times”. She didn’t wait for Eliza to answer and continued, “How are the preparations for the wedding going? Will it be a winter or a summer wedding?”

“Things are going wonderfully. We couldn’t be happier and enjoy being engaged and just forget the time that has passed. It feels like it was only yesterday we met as teenagers. We plan a summer wedding here in London, it seems most suitable for someone in our position”.

Eliza was flustered, except for her snobbish approach to a summer wedding, none of it were true. Being engaged to Sidney was nothing like she had pictured it. She had hardly seen him since the day she forced him to marry her as condition for her investment in that god forsaken town. But she had wanted him. Not the adult and brooding Sidney but the 19-year-old Sidney that loved her unconditionally and trotted after her like a stupid but beautiful puppy.

“Ah, I am happy to hear it. I was worried because rumors were that you two do not seem that much in love and I couldn’t make sense out of that”. Susan waited to see if Eliza took the bait.

“Oh! They are...?” Eliza may be cold but also intelligent. “Why am I here, Lady Worchester? You didn’t invite me because you are concerned about my love life”.

Susan sat down her tea cup pulling the suspense. She wasn’t ready to go for the kill yet.

“You are right but not in the way you think. What I don’t understand is why a woman like you – young, beautiful and rich would want to enter another loveless marriage when she doesn’t have to. Trust me I know what it is like to endure a marriage for... let’s say practical reasons and I swore to myself that I would never marry again, but if I were it should be for love. I had taken you to be more alike”.

She paused to examine the effect of her words on Eliza’s face, it was definitely best to wait for Eliza to make a move. Eliza swallowed and tried to decipher the message from Susan. She felt trapped and snapped before she could think.

“Are you trying to free Sidney of me so he can marry that little farm girl of yours?” Her eyes flashed as she spat out the words.

Lady Susan Worchester never lied but she used the truth carefully. She smiled at Eliza; this was going well.

“No, dear. I do not give a fig about Mr. Parker and as for Miss Heywood – you are right I care a great deal for that girl and I hope that she will be my protégé for the winter season and that I may with any luck secure her future. Please accept my apologies for expressing myself so clumsily”.

Eliza lowered her shoulders a little but didn’t look fully convinced.

“Then please accept my apologies for the outburst”.

Susan sipped some tea before she continued, deliberately hesitant as if she was trying to find the right words. She wasn’t, she knew exactly what she was doing but she wanted to highlight the sensitive nature of her request. When she could tell that Eliza was on the edge of her seat and her anger had been replaced with gossiping anticipation, she sat her tea cup down again.

“I am hosting a dinner Friday a month from now. Some of the finest of European royalty will attend; they are staying with The Prince Regent - whom you probably know is a close friend of mine. It is very hush hush because they are not here on a formal visit, but I know that you can keep your tongue. They will be part of a travel party going to the continent in the spring for three months. It is an informal round-trip to some of the royal houses”.

Eliza’s glowing eyes confirmed that she had her prey with the throat exposed. Susan was ready for the kill.

“I think we can safely say that we have found Mrs. Campion’s Achilles Heel”.

“Oh?”

“You”

“I initially intended to bring Charlotte on the trip. She would no doubt make a great impact on the company but I fear they would be a little too – how shall I put it – experienced for such an innocent and naïve creature. It need be someone beautiful and intelligent enough to intrigue the party, experienced enough to be able to move in those circles, discrete of course and most importantly unattached. It takes a certain social robustness to emerge unspoiled from such an adventure. You were the only one I could think of who match the delicate criteria. Now you are engaged to be married and I couldn’t help but wonder why when the world is open to you to do as you please”.

The mention of Charlotte had the wanted effect, Eliza’s pretty face wrenched but at the end she was visibly trembling with excitement and also visibly trying to retain herself.

Susan picked up her tea cup again and waited.

“Well, Susan, you have certainly given me pause for thought. I have never considered my options in that regard. Mr. Parker and I are not as much in love as I would like us to be or at least seem. May I think about it and get back to you?”

“Of course, it is not something you decide without giving thought. Would you let me know within a week please? Otherwise I will write Charlotte’s parents and present them the idea”.

“Of course,...” Eliza paused, “May I ask you. I didn’t think that you thought too highly of me?”

“Eliza, dear. I am simply fulfilling my role and setting cogs in motion to water the delicate eco system of our social circles”.

“And if I turn down your offer?” There was an insecurity in Eliza’s voice. She was scared.

“I simply do nothing”. Susan’s voice was cold as ice and Eliza knew instantly that it meant Lady Worchester would use her power to cut her out of the social equation in London entirely.

“I look forward to hearing from you within a week”, the voice was warm again.

By the time Eliza sat in her carriage she had decided to break her engagement with Sidney for the second time. This was too big an opportunity to miss and worse hand to that farmer’s daughter on a silver platter. Susan may be willing to go forward in life without a husband but Eliza liked the idea of owning a man and a man with a title would certainly beat a handsome man that publicly avoided her.

Chapter Text

Five days after the goodbye

Eliza called on Sidney without notice. She had hardly slept since the disturbing but exciting meeting with Lady Susan. There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted to climb the social ladder, Sidney could never give her that. The purpose of Sidney had been for her to star in a happy ending love story, he was a very handsome accessory on her arm at social functions but nothing more and doing the job very badly. Her decision was made, her problem was how to end it to her benefit.

Sidney was surprised to see her. He had only received a small note from Susan saying she had set the wheels in motion and now awaited Eliza.

Eliza offered her cheek for peck that he gave her without feeling anything. Neither did she.

“Eliza, what a surprise. Have I forgotten to attend something?” She normally only came to scold him for standing her up. They had been engaged for less than a month and she had packed their social calendar with one tedious event after another.

“Oh no, nothing of the sorts. No, I was just wondering. Do you love me, Sidney?” Her voice was neutral like she offered him a cup of tea.

“You know I don’t. That was not part of our business agreement”, Sidney replied dryly.

“I have thought about it. We are both too young and beautiful to enter a marriage without love. If you agree I think we should end it”. She studied him closely looking for any emotions that would give him away, she would prefer if he was not too happy about it. His surprise was satisfying.

“Are you sure, Eliza? What about your reputation?”. Sidney tried hard to control his happiness to be free of her.

“I think my wealth will protect me. Us. We will simply say that our young love deserves to be preserved as a beautiful memory and not rekindled. The thrill of being reunited got the better of us and we part amiably as friends. We will have to wait a little to announce it. A little month I think would do the trick”.

Eliza needed to be rid of him before the dinner but also not to make the engagement sound reckless. Truly she would have loved to hurt Sidney publicly in the break up but she felt that her new position in Lady Susan’s inner circle called for a back story that protected them both and thereby made her appear like a woman of both wealth and social surplus.

Sidney swallowed. He needed to choose his next words carefully.

“I will leave it to you to announce our mutual and mature break of engagement and I will back up the story – which is not that far from the truth”. He smiled warmly at her. She nodded.

“And what of your investment? I cannot take over your part as of yet”. He tried to look calm.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that. My investment is secure for now. I am not a long-term investor in that dreadful little town of yours... I have a plan and if that doesn’t work, we will work something out”.

She looked conniving in a way that made his blood freeze. Sidney didn’t dare to push things further. This was already going better than he could have hoped for. He wondered what Susan had said to Eliza to make her play along so nicely.

Eliza took her leave and left a happy Sidney to his thoughts. He decided to call on Susan later that day.

-:-

“Sidney, how nice to see you. I guess you are here because Mrs. Campion has paid you a visit?” Like the first time Susan didn’t act surprised to see him.

He nodded. “What did you say to her? She broke of engagement in a manner that was civil and with no more harm to me than her. I was prepared to be dragged through social hell and back for this”.

“I threatened to bring Charlotte on a trip to visit the royal houses in Europe in the spring on a spot that could be hers if she was unattached. I think that the combination of depriving Charlotte of something and the possibility to mingle among royalty was too much to resist for her.” Susan laughed.

“You are quite something, Susan. I am sorry though that you have to spend time with her because of this and I cannot thank you enough”.

“Nonsense, I will not spend more time with her than I choose to and she will have to be at her best behavior not to fall through – and she is smart enough to know that as her break up with you demonstrates. I will be fine. With any luck I will be able to marry her off to some Lord or Count on the continent and we will be rid of her altogether. She seems very keen to marry, I don’t know why”.

Sidney sent her bright smile and laughed. “Do you have more of that cognac? I think I could use a drink to celebrate first obstacle solved exemplary”.

Susan instructed a footman and turned to Sidney again.

“Something is bothering you”

“Yes, ehm... I asked her about the investment. And she said she had a plan for her share. I didn’t like the way she talked of it”.

“Ah, yes. Her share. It is no longer hers; it is mine”.

Sidney gulped his drink and looked at her, surprise written all over his face.

“But that was more than £30.000, how did you...?”

“I told you that I would help securing funding for Sanditon if you were part of the prospect. You are and I did. You actually just missed Eliza, she came to tell me that she was no longer engaged to you and wanted me to take over her share to rid herself completely of you. Also, I think, to demonstrate that she didn’t truly believe my intentions. As for the size of the sum, I managed nicely. I am sure that you will do your best to make it worth my while”.

Sidney was speechless. He wanted to say something. Express how grateful he was but couldn’t find the words. Susan poured him another drink.

“I love her too, Sidney. And I love to be right when it comes to matters of the heart – especially when they need a little push. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

When Sidney came home that night happy, overwhelmed and a little bit drunk, there was a letter from Esther. The content made his heart pound fast and his cheeks flush.

Dear Sidney,

I hope things are going well in London. Lady Denham is tamed for now and will not pull her investment. She is as pleased as she is capable of being that you are the financial lead of Sanditon. On that note I vote for you to be the one to tell Tom but please let me be in the room.

Instead of meeting at our estate I would like you to come to Sanditon, Babington is on his way as I write these words. He has been seeking the advice of his law and bank connections on how to move on from here with the finances and he thinks he has a solution that will work on both short and long terms.

I must warn you, dear Sidney. With any luck Charlotte will join us too. Aunt has written to her and asked for her ideas on Sanditon and her company. Please be careful around her if she comes. We don’t want to break her heart even more. Also, remember that you are not free until Mrs. Campion officially has broken of your engagement.

I wish you a safe journey and hope to see you soon in Sanditon.

Your friend, Esther

PS. Charlotte will be a guest at Sanditon House.

PS... It was Esther’s way of saying Trafalgar House was a safe place to stay. Sidney preferred the hotel though. He loved Mary and the children but being under the same roof as Tom would be too much. His stomach was all butterflies and he couldn’t stop smiling that foolish schoolboy smile until it occurred to him that he could have spared Charlotte the heartbreak if he hadn’t tried to solve everything on his own. The thought darkened his face immediately and his heart ached. He didn’t deserve her. There he was, the tall dark man of the world with a raw and unprotected heart, sitting in his study and alternating between sheer happiness of maybe seeing Charlotte again and dreading it too because of what he did to her. If he had been a young girl, he would have written page up and page down in his journal.

Chapter Text

A week after the goodbye

Charlotte read the letter from Lady Denham over and over again. She had expected to hear from her friends in Sanditon but never from Lady Denham and not in this fashion both asking for her input and inviting her to stay as her personal guest. She also had the invitation from Susan inviting her to stay for the London Season as her protégé and then there was the mention of Sidney and how he tried to be a man she could love. It was all very confusing and Charlotte spent too much time thinking and analyzing. The letter from Lady Denham was equally puzzling but at least it didn’t mention Sidney, it was a concrete task and she welcomed the distraction.

“Papa, are you busy?” Charlotte was standing in the door with the letter in hand and a sparkle in her eyes Mr. Heywood had not seen since her return.

“Not for you, my dear”. He noticed the letter and wondered what could have brought the joy back in his daughter’s eyes.

“I have received a rather surprising letter from Lady Denham. Considering the clashes, I had with her during my stay I must say that I am surprised to hear from her... Sorry Papa, I am rambling. She wants to invite me as her special guest and help her sort out what to do about Sanditon after the fire. Her patience with Tom Parker’s castles in the air has run out and she wants to play a more active part in the development. Anyway, I do have some ideas and I was hoping that you would help work on them with me? And also, if I can go?” Charlotte bit her lip nervously.

“I would be more than happy to help you and you may go but are you sure you want to all things and broken heart considered?”

Charlotte’s face darkened and she looked serious and her voice was a mere whisper when she replied.

“Yes, I want this. I want to help Sanditon prosper if I can. It would hurt even more if my heart has been broken in vain”. Tears were welling up in her eyes and her father rose from his chair and hugged her.

“What can I do to help you?”

They cleared his desk and Charlotte mapped Sanditon for her father with paper cuts of the buildings and the squares. Her hands trembled along with her lower lip as she placed the burned down terrace. They worked together for the next days and Charlotte drew and redrew a new and realistic vision for Sanditon. Her father enjoyed working with his daughter and was quite impressed with her as she was with him. His experience from running an estate was valuable and his library proved to have numerous books of architecture to help along and support their ideas. Finally, they stood before the final result, messed hair and ink stains on every finger but with glowing eyes and cheeks. The desk was transformed to a model of Sanditon. Each carefully cut out building had a number corresponding to a description in an overall and elaborate plan.

“I am so proud of you, Charlotte”. Mr. Heywood cleared his throat; he was quite moved.

“Thank you, Papa. I could not have done this without you and I have enjoyed every moment of it. Now I can’t wait to show it to Lady Denham – though I am also nervous to share it with others. It feels quite intimate somehow”.

He hugged her again. “I fully understand, my dear girl. You have put your loving aching heart in it. They should be proud to see it”.

“I better write Lady Denham then”. Charlotte took a deep breath as if to brace herself and went to her room.

She wrote to Lady Denham that she would be more than happy to come and that she would be honored to bring her input. She also wrote a letter to Lady Susan.

Dear dear Susan,

Oh, how much have happened in such a short period of time. I feel quite guilty that I didn’t reply your letter at once. Honestly some of the content threw me off guard. You will have to elaborate when I see you again. Speaking of that I would be more than happy to join you for The London season and have been giving permission to go.

As I write I am packing to go back to Sanditon. Would you believe that Lady Denham have invited me and have asked for my input? I am quite sure that I am losing my mind because I have the feeling that something has been set in motion and that I am a pawn in a game of chess. Insanity is the only logical explanation.

Part of me is eager to return for Sanditon but my heart fears to run into Sidney and Mrs. Campion, I wonder if they have married yet? My heart is not strong enough for that kind of painful interaction yet. As for London I hope that we can avoid their path as much as possible. I still love him and I probably always will.

My father has been wonderful in all this. I never intended to spill my heart to anyone in the family but of course I couldn’t conceal my sadness from him. He knows it all and has not blamed me nor Sidney for our actions, that gives me great relief. Somehow, I couldn’t stand for my father to think badly of him. I think that he is very pleased with me staying with you, I know he is worried and wants nothing more than to see me happy again.

Thank you, Susan, for everything. Your friendship, your letters and your kindness. I know you will say my company is enough but really, I don’t know how to ever repay you and I am afraid that my company is somewhat gloomy at the moment but I promise do my best to be opinionated and inclined to talk too much when I come.

Yours,

Charlotte

Chapter Text

Three weeks after the goodbye

Charlotte’s heart skipped a beat when she saw Sanditon appear in the distance. She held her head out of the window in the carriage and enjoyed the cold breeze on her face and the smell of seawater. Tom was right, it did make her spirits soar, she almost forgot how heartbroken she was. Almost. This was the exact spot where he had stopped the carriage to say goodbye, she had felt a glimpse of hope that he had come to take her away. That it was all just a misunderstanding and he would be hers. Truth was that he broke her heart all over again at that moment.

The road to Sanditon was surely a painful trip down memory lane, not soon after passed the carriage the spot where he had kissed her. She closed her eyes and let the wind caress her lips as she recalled his soft lips on hers. His warm hands on the small of her back. His strong fingers diving through her curls. It was the most beautiful moment in her life and therefor the most painful memory. Charlotte sighed; this was no good. She had to get a grip of herself before she reached Sanditon House and Lady Denham. How fortunate that Esther and Babington would be there too, otherwise the whole thing would be terrifying. Lady Denham was manageable in small doses but all the time? Charlotte laughed to herself as the times she had spoken out to Lady Denham flashed before her eyes. It was surely going to be an exciting month.

The second Charlotte walked into the great hall of Sanditon House she knew Sidney was there. She could feel him in every fiber of her body, his scent was omnipresent and she felt dizzy. Luckily it was Esther who greeted her and she hugged her warmly.

“Welcome Charlotte, how I have missed you. Come let me take you to your room and we can talk a bit before we meet the rest”. Charlotte smiled and noticed the way Esther had her hand on her stomach.

“Yes, I am with child. Late spring”. She glowed with happiness.

“Oh, I am so happy for you and Babington. Such bliss for you”.

“Yes, Babington is very impressed with himself. It happened dangerously shortly after the wedding”.

Esther laughed at Charlotte’s blushing cheeks. She did enjoy to tease her young friend and she could see why Sidney melted every time his dark eyes made her blush. Esther had noticed how he looked at her.

When they were in the safety of Charlotte’s room and out of earshot Esther turned to Charlotte.

“I have to tell you that Sidney is here as well but Mrs. Campion is not with him”.

Esther didn’t want to tell her that the engagement had been broken before it was officially announced and she had made Sidney swear to not do so either. He had been hard to convince but had accepted that it was the best for Charlotte. Mrs. Campion was not to be trusted.

Charlotte tensed but answered in a calm voice.

“Thank you for preparing me. I shall be quite alright. I have to be I am staying with Lady Susan for the season and it is inevitable that we will cross paths with both of them. But I will not stop living in fear of bumping into him. My experience is that the more I try to avoid him the more I see him”.

They laughed and Esther called for a maid to help Charlotte unpack and change for dinner.

“I will see you downstairs”.

Charlotte took a final look in the mirror and smoothed the white muslin dress before she took a deep breath and went downstairs. Lady Denham’s drawing room was as terrifying as ever. Charlotte never cared for the imposing sculpture lurking in the back of the big room and the big red snake on the floor. It was like the setting for a Greek tragedy. And there he was, standing tall and dark with his back to the room looking out the window. She could tell that he felt her presence, his shoulders tensed and his jaw clenched but he didn’t turn around. Her heart either beat like a hummingbird or had stopped beating altogether, she couldn’t tell anymore, only that she had to force herself not to be drawn to him like a magnet pulled towards it’s counter pole. Again, Esther came to her rescue.

“Charlotte, let me pour you a glass of wine while you say hello to everyone”.

A smiling Babington grabbed both her hands and squeezed them fondly.

“How wonderful it is to meet you again, Miss Heywood. And thank you for coming we have great plans with you”. Charlotte blushed but Babington didn’t notice.

The heat radiated from Sidney’s body and wrapped her like a warm blanket as he approached and bowed politely.

“Miss Heywood, good to see you. How is your family?”

His dark voice always threw her off guard. It was like a hot kiss on her earlobe and it send shivers down her spine. She felt dizzy.

“Thank you, Mr. Parker. They are all very well”.

Well, now they had endured the first meeting and it could have been worse. She hadn’t started to cry or run into his arms. She was flustered but that would have to do for now.

Lady Denham had observed the two of them carefully. Esther was right, Mr. Parker was absolutely captivated by Miss Heywood. Now it annoyed her that she had promised to go easy on the unhappy lovebirds – and especially that it was to be held a secret that Mr. Parker was released from his engagement.

“Miss Heywood, come sit by me. I do not care to have to shout!”

Esther rolled her eyes at her aunt’s voice and smirked to Charlotte. They both knew that Lady Denham’s volume was not limited to long distance conversation.

Charlotte smiled brightly; she could feel Sidney’s eyes drilling her body and she tried to look strong and confident.

“Certainly, Ma’am I shall be right there”.

Lady Denham motioned for her to take the chair next to her. It felt odd since the rest of the company remained standing.

“So, tell me, Miss Heywood. Did you bring splendid ideas to rise Sanditon from the ashes like a phoenix?”

Before Charlotte could answer, Lady Denham continued.

“This lot sure think very highly of you but you probably know that already judging from the color of your cheeks”.

“Aunt Denham, really! The way you talk to people even Mr. Parker would blush!” Esther scolded and tried to sound casual but it was a warning not to spoil things. Lady Denham understood the meaning.

“My apologizes, Miss Heywood. I hope that we both can handle the outspoken nature that we share. I am very happy to see you and look forward to a month in your opinionated company”.

Lady Denham squeezed Charlotte’s hand as she spoke. Her eyes were kind and mischievous. Charlotte relaxed and laughed and squeezed Lady Denham’s hand in return.

“Lady Denham, I shall be delighted as well. Just remember that you asked for it!”

Charlotte barely finished the thought that this was going well before Lady Denham ordered everyone into the dining room and that Mr. Parker were to offer Miss Heywood his arm. Charlotte swayed as she took it and accidentally brushed her hip against his. She gasped and he moaned.

Sidney’s heart was racing. Charlotte was here and he was touching her. He wanted to speak, to release the tension but his mouth was dry and his brain could not form a sentence. His whole being had pooled in the place where Charlotte held his arm.

“How is your family, Mr. Parker? I didn’t expect to see you here without Tom and Mary. And Arthur and Diana are they still as merry as ever?”

Sidney cleared his throat. He tried to remember who Tom, Mary, Arthur and Diana were. Right now, the only person he knew in the world was Charlotte. It stung that she used their Christian names and not his but he deserved that.

“Yes, they are all fine. Truth is we wanted you to have a quiet welcome and settle in before Tom attacked you. They will be here tomorrow afternoon we want to share something with you before that. Tom doesn’t know that I am here either. Mary does and she understands”.

Charlotte was gathering courage to ask about Mrs. Campion but they had reached the dining table and Lady Denham ordered Sidney next to Esther and Babington next to Charlotte. Herself throne at the end of the table. And so, Charlotte found herself opposite Sidney’s dark glaze. He didn’t bother to look away but locked her eyes at every given chance. Esther slapped his leg under the table and whispered.

“Easy now, Sidney. You are making the poor girl uncomfortable!”

He knew but he couldn’t help himself. Charlotte tried desperately to ignore him and engaged in a long conversation about asses and the wonders of their milk with Lady Denham. It was such ridiculously a subject that she got through the first course even with the burning sensation of Sidney’s eyes on her skin. During the second course she tried to talk to Babington but Lady Denham kept hijacking their conversation but all in all it was going tolerably well. Sidney didn’t say a word, he just stared at her. Esther did her best to talk with him but gave up with rolling eyes and threw herself into the word battle between Charlotte and Lady Denham. Babington was amused and enjoyed the spectacle of three headstrong women speaking their mind very freely and in surprisingly good spirits.

Dessert was a disaster. Charlotte could no longer bear the brooding and dark looks from Sidney and incited by the friendly quarreling with Lady Denham and Esther she turned to Sidney.

“I hope Mrs. Campion is in good health. Will she be joining you while you are here?”

Sidney looked absolutely desperate. He had been prepared for her to ask about Eliza but of course not what to answer. He gulped some wine to buy time. Esther and Babington looked at him cautiously, Lady Denham could hardly suppress her joy of the elephant in the room being exposed.

“Mrs. Campion is very healthy, thank you, but have other things to attend in London. She will not be coming here!”

His voice was deeper, darker and hoarser than ever. His eyes pierced hers as he spoke the last words. Charlotte felt relieved that Mrs. Campion would stay away but also had a nagging feeling that they were keeping something from her.

“And how are the wedding preparations going? Have you set a date?”

Sidney who had just taken a sip of wine almost spurted out the drink out of sheer panic. He desperately grabbed his napkin and started to tap the table cloth.

“I am sorry about your table cloth, Lady Denham”. He cleared his throat. “Wedding plans are going satisfactorily”.

That wasn’t a complete lie and he didn’t want to lie to her.

“It’s getting late, I must get back to the hotel. Lady Denham, Esther, Babington.......... Miss Heywood. I bid you goodnight”.

He practically fled the room.

Charlotte felt a pang to her chest as she saw him disappear. Two things were clear. She still loved him - more than ever. Something was wrong.

“What is it that you are not telling me?”

She sounded angrier than she intended to but it had been a long and stressful day and she was tired.

Esther was the first to speak.

“He is not happy and he has been every bit as nervous as you about your first meeting”.

Esther hoped that this would suffice for now.

Lady Denham looked amused.

“Dear Charlotte. You have already brought more entertainment to Sanditon than I had hoped for!”

“Really, Aunt! That is quite enough for now. Let’s all retire!”

Back in her room and in bed Charlotte tossed and turned. Her mind was a myriad of thoughts and her body a turmoil. Seeing him again had been hopeless and wonderful. They were both miserable, him because he was getting married and her because she knew she never would. Sidney had not just broken her heart. He had taken it away. It didn’t belong to her anymore and as consequence she couldn’t give it to another man.

Chapter Text

Three weeks and one day after the goodbye

Breakfast at Sanditon House was a somewhat awkward affair. Lady Denham was glowing with excitement, she hadn’t been so entertained for years and if one had pushed her hard enough, she would have admitted that she enjoyed the company of both Esther and Charlotte. Two young women that she held in high esteem for their wit, humor and outspokenness. To put it short she had missed them.

Esther was tired. Being pregnant in first trimester was trying enough without the drama of an entangled love triangle and a financial mess. The first evening had not gone as she had hoped. Babington was observing her and knew it was best to keep quiet. She had taken the lead in their scheme to bring Sidney and Charlotte back together but now he feared it was taking too big a toll on her. Her eyes met his and he could see that she knew what he was thinking, the look she gave him, “Don’t you dare!”. He smiled lovingly at her to say, “I don’t”.

Charlotte was a mess. She had slept badly. Being back in Sanditon and seeing Sidney again had been harder than she had imagined. The sadness in his eyes had brought tears to her eyes. His pain had pooled with hers and she found it a wonder that they hadn’t died in each other’s arms of a broken heart on the big red snake on the drawing room floor. It was all very Shakespeare tragic. He was coming back today – any minute now and they had something to tell her. She had wondered all night why it was so important for them that she was here. The feeling that it wasn’t Lady Denham’s design to invite her could not escape her.

Before the front door opened, she could feel her pole pull against him. Sidney had arrived. The world disappeared for a moment when he entered the breakfast room. His hair was wet and his normal pristine attire was a bit ruffled from undressing and dressing himself on the beach after his morning swim. She allowed herself to take him in. The way his damp hair curled on his head. His fresh and red cheeks from the exercise and cold. The drops of water that had left soaked through spots on his shirt and made it cling to his toned chest. His soft lips that he bit slightly, was he nervous? And his flashing eyes that darted in her direction the minute he stepped into the room.

Leave it to Lady Denham to break any train of thought. Charlotte snapped out of it and felt oddly grateful.

“Mr. Parker, how good of you to join us. Did you sleep on the beach last night?”

Esther rolled her eyes and debated with herself whether this was a battle worth fighting. She decided against it and let the moment pass. Sidney didn’t reply but poured himself a cup of coffee. He tried to compose himself and form a strategy on how to behave around Charlotte. After a little while he turned around with a bright wide smile and walked to Lady Denham who throne at the end of the table as usual, gently took her tiny wrinkled hand in his and placed a kiss on the back of her hand.

“Sleep no, but I went for an invigorating swim this morning and I apologize for not being more skilled in dressing myself but I will try harder and you may grade my efforts every morning”.

His eyes sought Charlotte as he said the last part. To everyone’s surprise Lady Denham giggled like a young schoolgirl, Mr. Sidney Parker’s handsome charm was not wasted on her. Sidney himself was relieved that he had the power to absorb the tension. Who would have known that Lady Denham could be his partner in crime? Sidney laughed to himself.

Lady Denham had set up a war room in her library. Two tables had been placed in there. A big round one with chairs around it and a smaller square one without. Esther motioned everyone to take a seat, the atmosphere was solemn.

Sidney sat between Lady Denham and Charlotte. Esther between her aunt and her husband. Babington cleared his throat.

“Charlotte, what you see here is the executive board of The Sanditon Prospect. It contains the four biggest shareholders in a newly formed company. Lady Denham is chairman of the board. We have asked Sidney to be the financial lead. Now, you may wonder where Tom Parker is in all this. He is after all both a shareholder and the visionary behind Sanditon but also reckless and untamable. We will include him eventually when we have a more solid plan formed...”

Charlotte interrupted him.

“If this is the board why am I here?”

Sidney turned his head and smiled at her. His voice was deep and warm and she could feel the side of her body next to him melt.

“You are here because Lady Susan has asked for you to represent her. After Lady Denham she is the biggest shareholder but prefer not to be an active member. She found that you would be more than qualified to speak and vote on her behalf – and so do we”. He gave her warm smile but then he saw the hurt and angry look in Charlotte’s eyes.

“That is enough! Tell me what is going on right now or I will leave on the next carriage to Willigden – or walk if need be. Lady Susan a shareholder, Lady Denham inviting me for my ideas and you choking at every mention of your fiancée. Why am I here? As some kind of naïve amusement to you?”

Charlotte was standing up yelling. Her slim body trembling with anger and she tried desperately to hold back her tears.

Sidney leaned to the back of his chair. His head hung as he considered his next move.

“Could Charlotte and I have the room, please?”

Esther and Babington nodded and led a very reluctant and complaining Lady Denham out of the room.

“Please, sit Charlotte”. His voice was soft and pleading.

“No! I stand perfectly fine!”

He sighed.

“Do you remember when I came to say goodbye on the cliff road? I said that I would do everything in my power to find another solution. For the past weeks I have been working with Esther, Babington and Susan to do just that and we were so close that we thought it safe to include you. What we have been holding from you is that Mrs. Campion has broken of our engagement but until she announces it officially, we didn’t want to tell you. I don’t trust her before I see the announcement in the newspaper and I didn’t want to risk breaking your heart again. Lady Susan is a shareholder because she acquired Mrs. Campion’s share. We are getting so close to fully finance the rebuild and secure the future of Sanditon and I hope to be able to finish our conversation soon”.

Sidney took a step towards her but she backed away. Anger was rising in her eyes and she clutched her hands into two small fists.

“You!... You were all in this together? Behind my back to protect me? Is that what I am to you, Mr. Parker? Someone who needs protection, someone whose heart you can claim and discard as you see fit? I see now that I have been blinded by naivety and sentimentality. How could I have had it all so wrong? No wonder you all have such a low opinion of me!”

Tears spurted from her eyes now. He swallowed and took another step towards her, he needed to hold her but again she backed away.

“Please, be kind to leave me now”.

And as she turned to flee the room the doors flung open and Tom burst into the room excited to see his brother and Charlotte. He was oblivious to the tears in Charlotte’s eyes and the tension in the room and walked with his arms open as if to embrace them both. Charlotte sprinted past him and Mary and up the stairs to her room.

“For heaven’s sake, Tom! Don’t you know how to knock?”

Sidney wanted to run after Charlotte but knew that it was hardly inappropriate to go to her room. His jaw clenched and he looked defeated. Mary took his hand and squeezed.

“What happened, Sidney?”

Her voice was low and concerned. Sidney shook his head, the sadness in his eyes was endless, he should have known her better than to ambush her like that.

“I can’t...”

It came out like a mere whisper and Mary hugged him.

Tom studied the papers on the table.

“Sidney, what is all this?”

“Well, you might as well find out now than later. We have formed a company to secure the finances and Sanditon’s future. I am in charge of the investments now. I’ll let you in on the details but right now I need to...”

“YOU WHAT? Sanditon is my town! Without my visions it would still be a bare field by the sea. This is my work, my vision, my... my... my love!”

Tom was agitated and his voice trembled with anger and frustration. His cheeks were red and he approached Sidney with fisted hands as if he wanted to fight him. Sidney thundered at him.

“THAT IS ENOUGH, TOM! You cannot treat someone you love so recklessly! (his voice turned sad) I should know, I am as bad as you are. (his voice grew in volume again) You have mistreated this town and this family for too long with your overambitious plans and your complete lack of responsibility and no one seems to be able to reason with you. I just watched the love of my life walk away from me again because of you...”

“But Mrs. Campion? You have waited a decade for her...”

Tom looked utterly and sincerely confused.

“ENOUGH OF MRS. CAMPION! THERE IS NO MRS. CAMPION... Are you that oblivious that you didn’t notice that Charlotte and I fell in love? Everyone else bloody well knew before we did ourselves. Did it slip your attention that I had to sacrifice that and break her heart to save you from debtor’s prison? Bloody hell, where did you go, Tom? This is not the brother who saved my life back when I was young! This is not the brother I looked up to! When did you decide that it was alright to step back and hand over the responsibility for your actions to the nearest person? And not just that but to counteract them too.”

(Sidney’s voice broke)

“Please come back, Tom. I cannot fight both mine and your demons at the same time, I am not strong enough to be on my own. Can’t you tell?”

Before Tom could say anything, Sidney had stormed out of the room and left Sanditon House without his coat or hat.

Mary looked a Tom; her voice was stone cold.

“Sidney is right, where did you go, Tom? You better fix this!”

The noise had made Esther and Babington come from the drawing room and saw Sidney leave without a word. Lady Denham had fallen asleep in her chair and they had decided to let her sleep.

“This is a mess...what do we do?”

Esther’s voice was tired and sad and she sought the comfort of her husband’s embrace.

“I think we let them all cool off and continue in the morning”.

Dinner in both Sanditon House and Trafalgar House was a silent affair. Charlotte had asked for a tray sent to her room. She felt betrayed from the people she had considered her closest friends, of course she knew they had all meant well. That was just it; she was sick and tired of being in the receiving end of well-meant intentions. Mary didn’t say a word to Tom for the rest of the evening and she chose to sleep away from him.

Sidney had stumbled into The Crown and ordered a bottle of whiskey ruffled and beaten up after the first the best fight he could find. He was cold, hurting and needed alcohol to numb his aching heart. Their plan had worked, finances were within reach and he was almost a free man but they had forgotten that Charlotte had a mind of her own. An opinionated, strong-willed and beautiful mind of her own.

Tom sat in his study all night. His desk was a clear proof of his lack of overview and the absence of Charlotte. They were all right. At some point he had let go of the reins because being the sensible adult had been exhausting.

Chapter Text

Three weeks and two days after the goodbye

Sidney had passed out on a bench at The Crown and woke up to Tom shaking him. His body was aching all over and his mouth felt like sandpaper. After a short while his broken heart woke up too and joined the painful party.

“That is enough, Sidney. Get up! We need to talk”.

Tom handed him a cup of hot coffee and his coat.

“Come on, we are going for a swim to sober you up”.

The two of them jumped into the waves tense and freezing at first, laughing and invigorated when they got back up. They dressed and started walking back to town.

“I am so sorry, Sidney. You are right, I did let go. When Mother and Father passed away, I was a newlywed, you were a mess after Eliza and both Arthur and Diana were so young. After a few years all my sensibility and responsibility were used up. I was happy to be there for you but I lost myself. When you came back a success from Antigua, I felt that I could let go a little and pursuit my dreams for just a little while – I never meant to get so much out of hand and I am embarrassed to admit it. Look at us four Parker siblings today, Arthur and Diana have never left home and invent illnesses in their hunger for attention, I am a hopeless dreamer, and you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders out of guilt and because I held on to you for dear life. I will forever regret the hurt I inflicted on all of you – it was never my intention. The bad things happened on my watch; I cannot solve them alone but I am ready to take responsibility for them. I promise I won’t fight you and I will do whatever you and the board instruct me to. Please, just don’t leave me. Not for my sake because I don’t deserve that yet, but please don’t leave Mary alone with me. I love her too much. Let us face it, we all need Charlotte in our lives but we are in the same danger of misusing her as we did you. You included, Sidney. I cannot tell you what to do to get her back. I don’t even know what to do to get Mary and you back.”

Tom’s voice was mushy and he stopped for a while to collect himself. Sidney hugged him and they stood like that for a while.

“Thank you, Tom. I am lost at sea what if she will never have me? I seem to hurt her no matter what I do”.

“I think it is time that we stop acting like we have things under control, you and I. Look at Babington. He is the smart one, he knows he can’t hold a candle to Esther”.

They laughed and walked back. Like true brothers for the first time since they were young boys. Back in town they wished each other the best of luck and separated.

Sidney went back to the hotel to bathe, shave and get a fresh set of clothes. Talking with Tom had lifted some of the weight of his shoulders, they weren’t out of the woods yet but it was the first real talk they had had in ten years. Last time was when Tom put him on the boat to Antigua. Tom was right, the Parker family was a sad bunch when it came to it.

It didn’t make any sense to pick up where they had left off yesterday before he had cleared things with Charlotte. After a quick breakfast he called on her at Sanditon House. Lady Denham was thrilled to see him.

“I must say, Mr. Parker. Your dressing skills have improved drastically!”

He sent her a bright smile and thanked her. His eyes turned serious again as he turned to Charlotte.

“Miss Heywood, would you do me the honor of talking a walk with me?”

He wanted to say so much more but since he tended to put his foot where his mouth was, he hoped that this short and safe request was enough to make her accept. She nodded silently and went to get her coat.

The mood was awkward at first, they walked in silence in the forest around Sanditon House. Sidney could feel her disappointment and anger and didn’t quite know how to begin. He would take any argument they had had over this. Her silence was worse than her snappy remarks about his character. His heart was pounding and he couldn’t breathe. He stopped. She continued a little longer before she realized his halt and turned around.

“Charlotte, please help me. I deserved everything you had to say and I am sorrier than I will ever be able to tell you. Your opinion of me means more than anyone else’s. Do you think that I don’t know how much I hurt you? I wanted to do anything in my power to not hurt you again and to mend your broken heart. As usual I am lost when it comes to you, I never seem to say or do the right thing and I am desperate. I love you. You are the only thing on my mind. The only thing that keeps me going. So, please tell me what to do. Please, tell me if you... if you ever...”

Sidney struggled to form the sentence. The words filtered together like a misbehaving yarn wrench in his mouth.

“Love you?”

The words came out as a soft whisper. Sidney nodded. They were standing so close he could feel the heat from her body, smell her scent and hear her breath. He wanted to take her hands but didn’t dare.

“I love you. So much it hurts. But our history has shown us that love is not enough! Love doesn’t conquer all or endure all. I feel like I am The Sun in love with The Moon, just a small glimpse of hope and love before the day or the night interrupts and tear us apart. Day out and day in. Our hearts never walked next to each other; it was always you setting the pace and I was always trotting behind you trying to catch up and I am exhausted. I thought you loved me at Mrs. Maudsley’s ball and I was so happy, but then your eyes fell on Mrs. Campion and you left me standing on the dance floor, discarding me and my heart. You brought her with you to the regatta but teased with my heart in the rowboat only to stand next to her and let her insult me and my background a few hours later. When you stopped the carriage, I hoped that you had come for me. That you had found a way. You didn’t just break my heart again by giving me hope only to take it away again, you took my whole heart with you. There is an emptiness in my chest now. I will never be able to love another man because you hold my heart forever. And now all this! You found a solution in a very short period of time – why not after the fire? Why not in the first month of your engagement. Why? Can you tell me that? You may be your best self and your truest self when you are with me but I lose myself when I am with you. You had so many chances to tell me you loved me. To ask me to marry you. To show me your true intentions. The question is not if I love you because I do and I have done nothing but to show it to you. The question is if you truly love me?”

She was yelling against his chest. Sidney had slowly moved closed enough to her to lean his forehead against hers. To his relief she didn’t back away but leaned into him. He could feel her crying and wondered if he was crying too.

“I love you. You have my heart too and I want you to keep it. Do with it what you want but please keep it. Sweet, darling Charlotte, you broke down my walls and my heart was exposed for the first time in a decade. It didn’t know what to do, how to deserve you and your love. I wasn’t strong like you; I was so lost when I met you that I did all the wrong things, I said all the wrong things and I took all the wrong decisions. You asked me once if we could rewrite our history if we found it disagreeable, tell me how you want it to be and I will do it. Let me rewrite our history...one where you know how much I truly love you”

He definitely knew that he was crying now. She still hadn’t moved and he dared to take her hands in his.

“I don’t trust you”

“I know. I haven’t earned your trust”

“You left me”

“I know. If you will let me, I will never leave your side again”

“I am not ready”

“I will wait. Forever if that is what it takes. Just tell me you will let my try”

“Don’t ever decide anything again without me”

“I won’t, I promise. Just please let me try”

She nodded against his chest and he allowed himself to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. He buried his nose in her soft curls and took in her scent. She was in his arms and she still loved him.

How long they stood like this none of them knew. It was Charlotte who broke the spell.

“We should go back. I have spent weeks to prepare for this charade of yours and I would hate for it to go to waste”. She smiled shyly at him. It was a small smile but it was a smile.

Back in the house Tom and Mary had arrived. There was a different air around Tom, he didn’t fidget or toss ideas around like a mad man. He looked serious but calm clenching his wife’s hand as if he was afraid to let her go. He walked to Charlotte and took both her hands.

“Could I lend your ear for a short minute, Charlotte?”

She nodded in surprise and they walked into the library. Tom took a deep breath before he started.

“I am so sorry for every pain I have caused you and Sidney. I had no idea and I should have. Please give the poor man a chance, he loves you so much and trust me he is a mess without you. If you need to hate someone, hate me. If you can’t forgive, then don’t forgive me. But please don’t hate Sidney and please forgive him for his mistakes. They were all done out of love. I promise I will never do either of you any harm again”.

His big round eyes looked fondly at her. She had never seen him like that before.

“Thank you. It is not that simple but enough of that for now. I don’t want to cry again”

Tears were already welling up in her eyes but she smiled bravely and Tom couldn’t help but hug her.

“Now, please let me go, Tom, I want to show you my ideas for Sanditon”.

He laughed and let her go.

“We better fetch the others then!”

Chapter Text

Still three weeks and two days after the goodbye.

All assembled in the library Charlotte informed with blushing cheeks that she needed some time to set up her plan and suggested that the rest went to the dining room to take their lunch.

Lady Denham was not a fan of this idea. She had missed out yesterday during her nap and she did not want to miss out on any more.

“Nonsense, my dear girl. We shall have a picnic in here and enjoy ourselves, God knows that this party could do with a little cheering up. Besides, judging by the skin and bones of you, Miss Heywood, you need a solid meal as well. No! We are staying”

“Aunt Denham, really!”. Esther’s eyes were flashing at her. Sidney laughed and walked to Lady Denham and offered her his arm.

“This is a brilliant idea, Lady Denham. May I escort you to my favorite spot? The perfect combination of shade from the sun without being too chilly”.

And with an almost swooning Lady Denham on his arm he led her to a comfortable armchair near the fireplace – in safe distance of the square table that he guessed Charlotte wanted to use. He really wanted to stand close to Charlotte and help her out but instead he focused his attention on Lady Denham to give Charlotte the needed space and un-interrupted confidence to work. He did however place himself in a manner where he had full eyesight of her. His reward was a grateful and warm smile that reached her eyes.

Lunch was brought in. Baskets with bread, platters with cold meats, fruit and cake soon filled the big round table. Sidney gallantly filled a plate for his picnic partner and bowed as he placed it on a small table by her chair.

“Madam!”

Lady Denham laughed and motioned him to bring a plate for Charlotte.

“See to Miss Heywood too, Mr. Parker. She is so preoccupied that she will forget to eat otherwise. And that will give you a chance to help her out, I can see you are dying to. Go!”

She waved him away with her hand and as her volume of voice was not exactly subtle both Sidney and Charlotte’s cheeks were blushing but he was more than happy to obey orders.

With a plate in his hand he approached Charlotte carefully and pulled a small table close for the food, Charlotte had filled most of the square table with her designs and cut outs. He whispered.

“You better take a bite; she is watching you”

His voice was deep and his warm breath sent shivers down her spine and made her drop the model she was holding.

“I’ll get it”

He kneeled before her to pick it up, her dress brushed his face and he almost moaned.

“Now, Miss Heywood, tell me how to assist you”

And they worked together. Charlotte instructed him and soon he understood what she had made. A complete mapped Sanditon with all its houses, streets, the beach, Sanditon House and Denham Place. All the buildings were outlined floor plans but she had made silhouettes as well to demonstrate the difference in heights and how it would look from the seaside. They had small flaps glued to the back to tuck in between the pages from upright standing fanned out books. After an hour of concentrated work, the table was transformed to a full version of Sanditon.

“Charlotte, this is beautiful. How did you...?”

Sidney’s voice was full of admiration and pride.

“I know the model in Tom’s study by heart. I think I could draw Sanditon in my sleep. My Papa helped me; we had a wonderful time.”

She laughed shyly. She was adorable. Sidney corrected himself in his mind, yes, she was adorable. But most of all she was amazing.

With a content look on her face she cleared her throat to get the attention of the room – whose attention she already had plenty.

“Please, come closer and I shall try to explain. As you can understand I am a little bit nervous of showing my work to you. Well the work of me and my father. I will ask you please to let me finish before you comment or put your questions. Can you do that, Lady Denham and Tom?”

She sent a firm look at the both of them and winked with a smile. Sidney had led Lady Denham from her chair to the table and had not let go of her arm to support her.

“Of course, dear girl. If nothing else I am the image of discrete and polite attention”.

Esther let out a bursting laugh and squeezed her aunt’s hand. Lady Denham’s eyes were shining, this was indeed exciting. Tom was excited too; he held his wife’s hand and nodded to Charlotte to go on.

Charlotte took a deep breath.

“I want to start with Denham Place. I don’t know what the plans are with the building but if we could include it in the plans for Sanditon, it would give us some options; first of all it would be cheaper to renovate during the winter time than start restoring the terrace, it will be less afflicted by changing weather as most of the work will take place inside. Denham Place has some qualities that the terrace doesn’t have namely the secluded privacy, your own park and space for entertaining. I had The Prince Regent in mind as an example of a client. It cannot be bought, only rented and with full staffing giving jobs to locals. Next is the elephant in the room, the burned ruin of the terrace. It is a constant reminder of tragedy. I imagine that funding and rebuilding will take some time and it wouldn't make sense to start now with winter setting in. My plan is to build a more elaborate scaffolding and cover it with sail painted as the new front. Imagine it as a setting in a theater. I tried to illustrate it but alas I am neither an architect nor an artist. But if you can imagine it from what you see...It will cover the ruin for now and we can place it with enough room to work behind. We can use it to advertise the prospects. Perhaps with peepholes to tease the curiosity of by passers. Like a giant shopping window being redecorated. Speaking of curiosity my father suggested an auction for the remaining apartments. Like with stock auctions. To increase the pricing and make it an event. He imagined that the risk of a missed opportunity would trick the interest and the wallets of the London Beau Monde, he doesn’t think too highly of them, I'm afraid. I think that we can spur them on even more if we sell the opportunity to work with Mr. Stringer to create unique and customized apartments. That way the wait for the build will be a selling point, an advantage”.

She continued to describe her ideas and thoughts for the next hour or so, including some quite elaborate input to events and activities. The room was dead silent. Even Lady Denham was lost in the young woman’s vision. It was grand enough to satisfy Tom, realistic enough not cause concerns with Sidney and with enough inclusion of Lady Denham to please her. All in all, the solution was an homage to the people in Sanditon and everyone in the room.

“Thank you for listening. Any questions?”

For the first time she looked up and at them. She bit her lower lip nervously as she waited for their response. Nobody said a word. Sidney could see insecurity sneak into her eyes.

“Was it that bad?”

Tom walked around the table and hugged her.

“No, dear Charlotte. It was that wonderful. This is what we look like when we are in awe”.

She smiled relieved.

“Oh, Lady Denham. I nearly forgot! Out here on this small pasture I thought we could have asses. Both for children to ride and promoting ass’ milk for health.”

“Of course, a seaside resort should have asses. Why did you never think of that, Mr. Parker?”

“Well, Lady Denham, because obviously I am a bloody fool. Speaking of me being a fool I should have invited Mr. Stringer her for your demonstration, Charlotte. Would it be an awful inconvenience for you to do an encore tomorrow?”

Sidney clenched his jaw by the mention of Mr. Stringer. The man’s affection for Charlotte had not missed his attention, but Tom was right. If only Charlotte hadn’t lit up by his name.

“I would love to”

Esther clapped her hands to get everybody’s attention.

“I think it is safe to say that you exceeded our wildest expectations, Charlotte. And I would like to apologize for doing you wrong, that was never the design. We all did it out of love but as Babington so often remind me that is not necessarily the same is doing it out of respect. And you deserve both. Now, let’s all prepare for dinner and we can discuss matters further in the morning. Tonight, we should try to enjoy ourselves”.

Her voice indicated that she was not in the mood for more drama. Sidney had been impressed with Charlotte but he was almost as impressed by the speech Esther just gave. It was so unlike her and at the same time so like her to pinpoint the essence of the atmosphere.

They started leaving the room, Charlotte was adjusting her papers and model. Sidney stepped closer.

“I must admit, Miss Heywood, you have given a good account of yourself today. I should never have guessed you were so... capable.”

She sent him a bright smile.

“Because I am a young woman, or because until now you had dismissed me as frivolous?”

They laughed as the both recalled the conversation after Old Stringer’s accident but their tone was marked by their resent conversations.

His eyes were full of respect and love.

“Because I will never underestimate or dismiss you again.”

He stepped closer. The tension was electric and Charlotte could feel her pulse race. He looked like he was going to kiss her and her lips wanted to so badly but her heart ached and she held out her hand to shake is.

“Thank you, Mr. Parker. Your opinion is very dear to me. I will see you at dinner.”

Her hand felt small, warm and soft in his. He respected her need for space and time but couldn’t resist to gently stroke the back of hand with his thumb as they shook hands like two business partners.

Dinner was a less awkward affair than the previous one. Conversation was going well. Charlotte could still feel Sidney’s eyes on her but they felt less intense and drilling than yesterday. And with all of the cats out of the bag she could relax and enjoy their praise of her work though she would have preferred to be a little less center of attention. Eventually Lady Denham couldn’t resist herself.

“And what about you, Miss Heywood? Are you keeping up your pretense that you’re not in search of a wealthy man to marry and keep you? Perhaps someone like the handsome Mr. Parker”

Esther was just about to lose her temper when Charlotte laughed disarmingly.

“Are we going to have this conversation again, Ma’am? Indeed, I am not. As you might remember, if I were wealth would not come into it. Should not a good marriage be based on mutual love, respect and trust? Without these one would never be equal partners that walked through life side by side setting the pace together.”

Sidney cleared his throat.

“Good point, Miss Heywood. Good point.”

He turned to Lady Denham and took her hand.

“Tell me Lady Denham, have you had the pleasure of more pineapples recently?”

The table burst out laughing and after pretending to be offended Lady Denham laughed as well.

“You are a wicked man, Mr. Parker. You made your point now focus on the young lady across you. You seem to be making progress!”

“Really aunt, you are insufferable!”

Chapter Text

Three weeks and three days since the goodbye

When Sidney arrived in the library Tom and Mr. Stringer were already there and Charlotte was in the middle of her presentation. It hurt him that she looked so comfortable and relaxed in the company of Mr. Stringer – unlike yesterday she was laughing and talking as she went through her plans. Their heads close together as they discussed the details on her model. He stopped dead in his tracks and didn’t quite know what to do of himself. Esther entered the library behind him and with her normal sense of reading a room, she said in a low voice.

“She doesn’t love him.”

“She looks so comfortable. He hasn’t hurt her.”

“You cannot really hurt someone if they don’t love you.”

The sad tremble in her voice told the story of Edward, she knew better than anyone.

Sidney gave her hand a grateful squeeze. They were a fine pair.

Charlotte looked up and smiled at him and his legs wobbled instantly. She looked radiant and happy.

“Do you need to sit down, Sidney?” Esther whispered teasingly.

He sent a bright happy smile.

“I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with you reading me so well, Lady Babington.”

“Well, better me than my aunt!”

And on that note Lady Denham entered the room. She poked Sidney in the side with her elbow and said in her usual indiscrete manner as she nodded towards Charlotte and Mr. Stringer.

“They make a pretty pair do they not, Mr. Parker?”

Mr. Stringer backed away from Charlotte flustered and embarrassed to be called out like that.

Sidney struggled to remain calm.

“Miss Heywood would make any man look good, Lady Denham.”

He pulled out a chair at the round table for her and leaned against the back of the chair for a moment to collect himself.

Finally, Mr. Stringer bowed and took his leave. He didn’t dare to praise Charlotte’s model after Lady Denham’s remark. Tom headed for the door as well but Sidney stopped him.

“Please take a seat, Tom. You’ve earned it!”

Tom looked surprised but grateful and took the chair next to Sidney, he leaned in and whispered.

“I know you would have preferred Charlotte here but this way you can kick my leg if I overstep my boundaries!”

The two brothers laughed and Sidney slapped his brother on the back. They were on the right track. Charlotte noticed the changed relationship between them and the happy smile on his face made the sun rise in her chest.

They worked hard for the next many hours. Going through finances, discussing priorities, the auction and so forth. Lady Denham nodded off in her chair and they all lowered their voices not to disturb her but no so low that her snoring drowned the conversation. Late afternoon they knew that they needed £30.000 to secure Sanditon, it was not a small sum but they were very confident that it was doable. They would hold an auction over the apartments in January ending with a Winter’s ball. The auction was sure to bring a curios crowd and that would mean extra income in renting out the cottages. It was time to activate Lady Susan.

Tom went home to Mary and the children but Sidney accepted the invitation to stay for dinner.

“Miss Heywood, would you like to take a short stroll outside and get some fresh air?”

“Yes, please. It has been quite a long day with very little exercise.”

She stretched her arms and Sidney’s eyes got caught on her bosom. Her skin still had a golden shimmer from the summer’s sun and he could almost hear her heart beat. Or was it his own?

“Let me get my coat.”

The sun was setting as they got outside bathing Sanditon House in rose gold light. Charlotte stood still for a while with closed eyes and leaned her head back to enjoy the cool air on her face. She looked beautiful and very kissable. Sidney stood dumbfounded and gazed at her.

“Charlotte, I have something for you. Would you take the trouble to read this letter later?”

She looked surprised but nodded and took letter and put it carefully in her dress pocket.

“So, Miss Heywood. What do you think of today? Do you believe we can turn Sanditon into a success?

“Absolutely. I am very impressed with the contributions Babington has come with on the financial side. I could never do that. And I am very happy to see you and Tom on such good terms. It broke my heart that you two had fallen out.”

“I am too. Family is a strange thing. You are bound to them in some way no matter what.”

They walked for a while and talked about the day. Sometimes Sidney’s little finger accidently brushed against hers and he let out a little sigh each time but noticed that she didn’t increase the gap between them or pulled her hand away. Soon the sun had set completely and it was pitch dark and they headed for the illuminated windows of Sanditon House. Charlotte tripped over a branch and Sidney instinctively caught her and pulled her close.

“Are you alright, Charlotte?”

His mouth was very close to her ear and his breath tickled the soft skin just below her earlobe.

“I’m perfectly fine.”

He reluctantly let go of her but she kept her arm tucked under his and they walked back in silence.

Dinner was quiet as the party of five were feeling the toll of the day’s work. Lady Denham nodded off now and again and Esther found it best to call it a day and she and Babington escorted her upstairs.

“I will take my leave too. Goodnight, Charlotte. You were impressing today.”

Sidney bowed, his eyes were dark and burning and she could feel them caress her body and lips.

“Goodnight, Mr. Parker.”

Her voice was soft but he missed hearing her say his name.

Charlotte went to her room. The letter from Sidney was burning in her pocket and her hands trembled slightly as she carefully broke the seal and opened it.

Dear Charlotte

Today I met you for the first time.

You were walking towards me in the company of Mary on the cliff road. When I saw into your big beautiful brown eyes for the first time a tiny crack broke through my shield. A little ray of sun shone stubbornly through it and disturbed up my heart.

Mary introduced us and I told you how pleased I was to make your acquaintance. I was happy that I hadn’t greeted you as an arrogant brute saying something rude like, “New maid?” That would have been my normal avoidance to let someone in. When you walked away, I knew that I wanted to see you again and it scared me.

After our first meeting this little ray of sunshine followed me everywhere. Though very tiny and dimmed the light from it kept me awake at night. As you can imagine it was very disturbing.

When I saw you at the ball the following evening, the crack got deeper and longer. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I didn't know to behave around you. The light shining through nearly blinded me. I am grateful that I could laugh cordially at your very precise description of me and my brothers – especially since I asked for your opinion myself. How hurtful it would have been of me to scold you for have been nowhere and know nothing. How lucky indeed that I behaved like a gentleman even though your sweet and honest nature threw me completely off guard.

I couldn’t sleep at night. I was so happy to have met you – I only wished that I had had the courage to ask you to dance.

Yours,

Sidney

Charlotte read the letter over and over again, tears in her eyes. He was rewriting their history and letting her in on his deepest thoughts. She fell asleep holding the letter close to her heart.

Chapter Text

The fifth week after the goodbye

Another week went by and the team had found their rhythm and worked very well together. Even Lady Denham contributed in her own way though it was sometimes a relief when she nodded off in her chair.

One morning Charlotte found herself alone with Lady Denham for breakfast. They hadn’t been alone together since Charlotte came to apologize after the disastrous luncheon with the pineapple.

“Charlotte, my dear.” Charlotte was surprised to be called her Christian name.

“I may be old but I was young once and I loved someone. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen and I trembled for his words or touch like one of his dogs. That went on for far too long until I painfully realized that he didn’t love me, he just loved keeping me dangling. My husband loved me. More than I loved him and I found that it was better and easier. Mr. Parker loves you and you clearly love him back. Don’t waste the opportunity to both love and be loved, my dear. I have grown to not dislike you and I would hate for you to end up alone and bitter like me with no fortune to attract company.”

Charlotte sat dumbfounded and tried take in what Lady Denham had just told her.

“Thank you, Ma’am”

It was the only response she could think of and it was more reflex than reflection.

“Ass’ milk?”

Charlotte laughed and declined politely.

Sidney left a new letter with Charlotte every night before he left rewriting their history. He remembered every little detail. They still quarreled in his rewritten version and his - often - humorous account of how he felt when she said this or did that, made her laugh. He didn’t make them better than they were and he didn’t change a thing about her. Every letter always described how being near her exposed his heart more and more to the light. It was beautiful reading.

This evening she crawled into bed with the ninth letter. Again, she broke the seal very gently and let her fingers trace his surprisingly beautiful handwriting, it was energetic, elegant, masculine and so very Sidney. She wondered which chapter of their relationship he was giving her today. They weren’t in chronological order; she was sensing that the red thread was his personal development – he wasn’t always moving forward.

Dear Charlotte

Something dreadful happened today. Georgiana was kidnapped but thanks to you we learned in time to set after her. I am not sure that your father would have approved had he known that I brought you with me to London but you were a vital source of information. I would never have found her alone. Seen in hindsight though it would probably have been prudent to have taken a chaperone with us, I think that Lady Denham would have been the obvious choice. I’m sure she would have enjoyed it. Imagine her barging into the boarding house with you, that would surely have completed my embarrassment.

She might not have enjoyed the neck breaking ride to Scotland though but you, Charlotte, were so brave. You gave me courage and I am proud to say that my fear and anger didn’t express itself as hurtful remarks like “And what do you know of love, Miss Heywood, besides what you have read?”

Georgiana is lucky to have a friend like you. With only me she would never stand a chance.

When you came down the stairs later that evening a big piece of my shield broke off and fell to the ground. I think you heard it because the sound made you look insecure when you came down the stairs in your golden dress. At that moment I knew that you were the sun, the light, that beamed through the cracks brighter and brighter. I had no idea what to do, my heart was panicking. Why should someone so warm and bright save someone so cold and dark? I still don’t know the answer but I hope someday I will.

I didn’t exactly have the courage to ask you to dance but my heart really wanted to so I had to find you. It had after all been locked up for a decade, it was only fair. I opened every door to find my sun again, desperately hoping that you hadn’t left. The minute I held you in my arms and your soft hand found mine I was hopelessly in love. There I was with my happy future in my arms when my miserable past showed herself. I admit it was very confusing to me and my heart. Here the two of us were unprotected and inexperienced in true love. I could have hurt you and left you alone on the dance floor to revisit past tragedy but I didn’t. Your eyes, your sparkling eyes, infinite like the night sky at sea, kept me safe. We danced just the two of us for the rest of the evening. Not a care in the world what others might think of it. That was the moment I knew, Charlotte, that you were the one. And I am so happy that I didn’t ruin it.

Forever yours,

Sidney

Sidney was more nervous about this letter than the previous ones. As well as it recalled the moment where Charlotte won his heart it was also the moment where he broke hers for the first time. It had been so hard to see the object of 10 years of pain and yearning stand before him looking as if only a day had passed.

He could hardly concentrate as they sat around the table and discussed the auction and the ball. They needed Susan for this and he knew that he had to be the one to go to London to talk to her. It was too much to put in a letter. His eyes sought hers but she was busy going through some details with Esther.

“I shall leave for London tomorrow morning and arrange things with Susan. It will give me a chance to tend to my other business as well. I will be back in three days.”

He gazed at Charlotte waiting for her reaction to him leaving. She only nodded.

“Give her my best and please apologize for my lacking correspondence. I miss her dearly and look forward to spending the season with her. I shall write a long letter to her soon.”

After lunch Sidney gently grabbed Charlotte’s arm.

“Charlotte, could we please take a walk before we go back?”

She nodded.

The sun was shining palely and diffused and it drizzled but not more than like a heavy fog. Sidney noticed that it made her curls curl even more and the dampness on her skin made her freckles look like little dots of dark gold.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t ask but I cannot help it. Have you read my letters, Charlotte?”

She nodded and starred at her feet. Her cheeks blushed and she bit her lower lip which always drove him crazy.

“They are beautiful letters.”

It was a mere whisper. He could see her chin tremble and the cute dimple turn deeper. Holding his breath, he let his hands slide down her arms and leaned his forehead against hers until their noses met. Her warm breath hit his lips like airy kisses and with his heart up his throat he lowered his head and brushed her lips with his. It wasn’t a kiss just a soft caress. She didn’t move and his hands continued down her arms and enveloped her hands.

“I love you. And I will be back in three days.”

She backed away breathing heavily.

“I wish you a safe journey.”

“Charlotte, please.”

“We have been here before and it hasn’t been entirely successful.”

“I know but I promise you I will be back”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out three letters.

“I will be back the day after you have read the last one.”

Chapter Text

Five weeks and the following four days after the goodbye

Charlotte felt Sidney’s absence the minute she woke up the next day. She was still alert around him and it didn’t take more than his gaze or his deep dark vibrating voice to make her heart beat so fast that it outshouted everything else. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the soft sensation of his lips gently brushing hers the day before. Even though he was probably miles away already she could feel the radiating heat of his body on her skin. Reluctantly her hand reached for the first letter, she had wanted to save it for tonight but she missed him already and it was the only remedy she could think of.

I.

My darling Charlotte,

I kissed you today.

Today was a perfect day. You were perfect. Even I don’t need a rewrite. Could you tell that I was nervous when I came to Trafalgar House? I just had to see you and my heart jumped so much when you suggested to go with me that pieces of my shield broke off and I think one of them hit Tom in his face.

You always look beautiful but I love the way you look with your soft curly hair hanging loose for the wind to play with. How the fresh air makes your cheeks blush as if you have been kissed by a setting sun. Your eyes sparkle all the time but when you are outside it is like watching shooting stars.

We walked in silence, I had so much to say that I said nothing – do not get me wrong I am very interested in the well-being of your family but I had more urgent topics on my mind.

Your hand brushed against mine as we walked. I would never have thought that a butterfly touch like a mere and innocent brush could affect my entire body so much.

When we stood still, time stood still. There was only you and I. My whole being was trembling as my lips touched yours for the first time, they were so warm and soft and the rest of my shield vanished into thin air. It was like magic. Our kiss was gently and slow at first and it felt so natural like our lips were destined for each other. It was a perfect kiss. Slow, passionate and lingering. The kind of kiss that could last a lifetime but I hope it will be a chapter of our life that we can repeat again and again. I never wanted to let you go again. I still don’t.

Without a shield my heart is only safe with you.

I love you always,

Sidney

She read the letter over and over again, her cheeks blushed into a deep shade of pink as she took his words in and remembered the kiss. This did not make her miss him any less and she regretted that she had opened the letter. How was she going to behave naturally and composed around Lady Denham today with the warm memory of a perfect kiss and a perfect and inappropriate love letter? The short solution was that she wouldn’t even try and she decided to get dressed and visit Georgiana and Mary. Hopefully the walk would cool down the fire in her body.

The next day Charlotte decided against reading Sidney’s letter prematurely. The content of his rewritten history was not to be trusted. Instead she had a very pleasant breakfast with Esther and Lady Denham. Babington had already eaten and was attending some business letters in the library. They were all heading for Denham Place in the afternoon with Tom and Mary, Mr. Stringer had started the renovation of the place and Lady Denham was very excited to visit the site.

To pass time Charlotte and Lady Denham played cards and Charlotte kept losing.

“Really, Charlotte. You’re playing like a nincompoop. You look somewhat befuddled. Someone must be on your mind! Is it the handsome Mr. Sidney Parker?”

Charlotte blushed but Esther came to her rescue as she had done so many times before during her stay.

“Dear aunt, Charlotte and I are fully aware that it is a grave weakness not to be excited about cards. I’m sorry if that disappoints you but there it is. Let’s call for some tea before we leave for Denham Place.”

Denham Place busied with workers preparing for the renovation. Mr. Stringer greeted them warmly and gave them a tour explaining the phases of the work. He was very careful not to leave Charlotte’s side – she was after all alone, which in Mr. Stringer’s definition meant without the brooding Mr. Sidney Parker. It was a lost cause, he knew, but he couldn’t help himself.

“You really did a marvelous job, Miss Heywood. The men and I are very excited to turn this dreadful abomination into a bright and comfortable beauty.”

He nodded at the gloomy wall paintings of naked bodies. They laughed; Esther noticed Mr. Stringer’s eyes lingering at Charlotte’s lips and joined them.

“Ah, yes. The naked hell. There has always been an air of death and despair clinging to this place. I am happy that Lady D has given her permission to paint them over.”

After an hour or so the party returned to Sanditon House. Charlotte could hardly eat a bite for dinner, she longed to go to her room and read the next letter. To her great relief the day had taken its toll on Lady Denham and Esther and they opted for an early night.

II.

Her hands trembled as she broke the seal of the second letter. Sidney had surprised her with the rather delicate content yesterday and she wondered if he would continue in that style.

Dear Charlotte

I went for a swim in my secluded cove today. No one else ever comes there and I can be quite... free.

Actually... I am quite pleased with this day as it was and I don't feel it needs a rewrite. Especially since any desired evolvement would be highly inappropriate but I hope to share my thoughts on the subject with you someday soon.

You were absolutely adorable on the beach. Normally I would be the one struggling to find the right words but today you seemed a little flustered. I would like to know what had that effect on you – for later use when I am about to lose and argument.

However, you did recover from whatever it was I did to throw you off guard because a few days later you made the wittiest remark on the delicate subject that I have ever heard, “Why should I be embarrassed? I was fully clothed.” Those words still make me laugh.

Your devoted sea bather,

Sidney

When she had finished reading the letter her entire body was burning and she visioned Sidney emerging from the water. In that regard her vivid memory did not censor. She couldn’t sleep for hours; her blood was boiling and her mind kept repeating the scene.

Next day Charlotte was even more distraught than the days before. How was she going to be able to look him in the eyes when he returned when he knew that she had read these letters? The weather was fine but cold and she sought the beach to clear her mind. Unconsciously she found herself walking to the cove where she gazed at the water as if she could make him materialize from the waves. Her heart had been beating fast for two days now and as she stood here and embraced the wind blowing from the sea, she realized that she didn’t just love Sidney, she wanted him too. Whatever that meant. Of course, she knew the outline of what happened between a husband and wife in the bedroom but that was all. She was absolutely mortified that her body behaved so shamelessly.

Somehow Charlotte got through the day but not without attracting Lady Denham’s indiscreet tongue.

“My, Charlotte. You looked befuddled yesterday but tonight you look absolutely flustered. I am sure, Mr. Par...”

“For Heaven’s sake, Aunt. Enough! Leave poor Charlotte alone. She is tired after a long day outside.”

As soon as Charlotte could excuse herself, she ran to her room and readied herself for bed as quickly as she could. In the safety of her bed she opened the last letter. He would return tomorrow and she had no idea how to behave around him. She wondered if he felt the same way about her?

III.

My beloved Charlotte,

If you saw me pacing in Tom’s study tonight it is because I was nervous. My heart jumped whenever you came near me. Even when it just thought you were coming. It was like controlling Henry around candy or water. Innocent and uncontrollable at the same time but very lovable – I hope you agree.

I had a full conversation rehearsed and I hoped that you would love it. You are amazingly intelligent and you have probably figured out from these few lines that I had planned to propose to you.

I had no idea how I got dressed but I knew I had placed my mother’s ring safely in my inner pocket. I know because I checked more than a hundred times. This was going to be the most important night of my life and I wanted nothing to go wrong.

As we both know everything went wrong. In a way where I cannot save it with a rewrite because the result of the evening was painfully disastrous. We were interrupted all the time. First by Edward Denham, that drunk scoundrel and then of course there was the dreadful fire.

But the evening was not wasted. Because if the evening hadn’t happened, I would not have seen you in your blue dress. You looked like a clear summer sky, your skin kissed by the sun and your chocolate curls traced your collarbone in the most alluring way. I got to dance with you again and my heart was so happy.

Every time I hold you in my arms, I feel I have found my missing piece. I am complete. Your eyes were shining so brightly, they sparkled with a shimmer of gold. That is the amazing thing with your eyes, they are always and never the same. Dark and almost black when you are displeased with me and we both know that has happened more than once. Soft and brown with dots of gold when you are happy. Your eyes are both the Moon and the Sun. I have never seen anything so beautiful or enigmatic.

Another important lesson was that if you ever trust me to finish the conversation, I must discard my long and romantic prologue and get straight to the point. Because you are right, my love, we tend to get interrupted.

I have lost my heart. Without the shield to keep it safe and locked up it has wandered off. I think you will find it hovering close by you. If you find it give it a kiss and take good care of it, it wants nothing else but to be near you. Since the first crack it has followed your light, my guiding star. There is no sense in sending it back to me, it belongs to you.

When you read this we only have to sleep once before I return to you.

I love you,

Sidney

Tears rolled silently down her cheeks as she read the words. Soon. She tossed and turned all night and the next morning she woke early. Of course, she knew he was not likely to return before late afternoon or early evening but she still flinched every time she heard the front door open. Until now she had not realized how many times it did in fact open during a day for no other reason than a footman collecting the mail or tending to something. The waiting was pure torture. If Lady Denham teased her, she didn’t notice. Her heart jumped with joy when the clock stroked another long hour until it had gotten so late that she realized that he was not coming. Disheartened she went to bed.

Her heart felt heavy and broken.

It was well past 11.30 when she saw a flicker of light and a letter was pushed under the door. She jumped out of bed and opened the door quietly and peeped out into the hallway. Her heartbeat raced when she saw the tall dark back of Sidney as he walked down the stairs. He was still in his coat, his hair glistening from rain in the small light of the candle he was carrying. She wanted to call out his name, to stop him and... her body betrayed her again and she crept back into her room and closed the door.

Nervously she picked up the letter. I promised you I would be back today! was written in haste on it. As she opened it a clipping fell out. It was a short note from a newspaper announcing that Mrs. Campion and Mr. Parker had broken of their engagement.

My love,

As you see I am free of Mrs. Campion. I wish her all the happiness in the world as I know you would have wanted me to. I am very happy though that it will not be on behalf of the happiness of you and me.

I know now that I will be arriving late – but I will make it today as promised. Please don’t think badly of me for it. Lady Susan has so many plans for you and her. She knows exactly which events and balls to attend to summon the beau monde to the auction in January. I fear you will be very busy when you join her – I will try to be there as much as possible as well, if you will let me.

Charlotte, I love you and I want to ask you to marry me. I am still lost when it comes to you so I promise you this. I will not push you or ask you. I will wait until you are ready. Forever if need be.

Sleep well. Would it be presumptuous of me to hope that you dream of me? I know that I will dream of you.

Love,

Sidney

PS. Did you come across my heart?

Chapter Text

Five weeks and five days after the goodbye plus the last two weeks before Charlotte returns to Willingden.

Another sleepless night thinking of Sidney. He had been outside her room and it felt so intimate Charlotte could hardly breathe. His letters. His beautiful letters had stirred something in her she had no idea how to process or control. The pale autumn sun was rising outside her window and the first dilute beams danced on the floor. Breakfast would not be served yet but she got dressed and donned her coat to walk the surroundings of Sanditon House.

As soon as she was outside a tall dark figure approached, her body recognized him before she did and her pulse beat rapidly and colored her cheeks in a deep red. Oh, she was not prepared to meet him now. She could tell the minute he discovered her. His body straightened, his strides got longer and she could feel his smile. Lady Denham was right, she was flustered. She couldn’t exactly turn around and run away from him and thus she found herself too close to him too soon. Matters only got worse when she could see that he had been for a swim and she avoided eye contact.

Sidney could not believe his luck. He was tired from working hard in London, calling on people, handling business affairs. Susan had been the only highlight in his straining program and it had been a relief to share everything about Charlotte with her. Sidney was a very private person but something about Susan made him confide in her, with a look in her eye she could motion him to share his most inner emotions. He had told her everything. 

“Knowing Charlotte, this should hardly have come as a surprise to any of us. She is smart, intelligent and frighteningly fearless and has never backed away from anything. She is a warrior and attacks challenges head on and as such our execution of the plan could not have acted more against her nature. Take comfort in the fact that one of her other outstanding qualities is that she does not bear grudges.”

Charlotte as a warrior. Sidney smiled as he recalled her barging into the boarding room and he scolded her for not staying put in the carriage as he had instructed. “I decided against it!”. Her chin up and that irresistible stubborn look in her eyes. She had meant the Heraclitus quote for him but he knew right there that he was not the one to bring the others back, she was. He had sacrificed himself but he had not fought. Susan was right as always.

The drive back to Sanditon had been harder than he had expected, the rain had made the roads heavy for the carriage and eventually he had instructed the driver to bring his luggage to Sanditon without him and changed to a horse to ride back himself. He had been soaked through when he reached Sanditon House and the footman had looked somewhat befuddled by the late visitor asking for directions to Miss Heywood’s room. But he had kept his promise.

And now they stood here in the dimmed morning light face to face. Sidney tried desperately to tell if she was happy to see him but her beautiful brown eyes were fixed on her feet. He stopped himself. Had the letters scared her? Had he been too explicit?

“Charlotte, I was hoping to have moment with you alone today.”

His voice poured down her back, it was like leaning back into a hot bath after having been outside all day. It was comforting, warm and utterly confusing. The sight of him and the sound of him was too much to bear. Why would her cheeks not stop burning?

“Mr. Parker, I trust you had a pleasant and successful trip to London? Did you finish all you had set out to do?”

This was not the welcome Sidney had hoped for when he saw her appear in the morning light. Her voice was warm and loving but her body was cold and dismissive. He cleared his throat.

“Yes, thank you, Miss Heywood. It was a very successful trip. Lady Susan sends her warmest regards to you. May I ask why you are up this early? Are you heading somewhere?”

She still didn’t meet his eyes. It gave him the opportunity to study her. Her cheeks were read and she bit her lower lip. Was she nervous to see him? His stomach released a swarm of butterflies at the thought.

“I couldn’t sleep and when the sun rose, I thought it would be safe to take a walk without the risk of stumbling.”

A stray curl blew in front of her face and before he could stop himself, he stepped a little closer and tucked it gently behind her ear. As his finger touched her cheekbone and stroked it, she flinched and he could feel the blush get warmer. He swallowed. The tension between them was almost palpable.

“What caused this sleeplessness, Miss Heywood?”

Oh, she wished he would stop talking. His normal deep voice that vibrated through her veins was hard enough to be around but this hoarse whisper was just cruel to her composure. She was panting now and her body was leaning towards him when a startled deer jumped past them behind a few trees. It broke the tension and Charlotte started laughing.

“I have heard of Lady Denham’s famous game but on the many walks I have taken here I have never seen one until now.”

For the first time their eyes met and her excited smile didn’t leave her face.

“Will you be joining us for breakfast, Mr. Parker?”

“I was hoping too, I am starving.”

And they walked back to the house.

Days passed. Sidney could feel her gazing at him from time to time whether they were working in the library, eating a meal, visiting the site at Denham Place or taking a walk. She was definitely not indifferent to him but he could not get close to her, she was always at least a step away – out of accidental reach. Sidney was no expert in women but he sought comfort in the fact, that Charlotte would have turned him flat down if she did not want him. His intentions were perfectly clear for once and he chose to give her space though he wanted to pull her close.

Charlotte noticed that he followed her pace and she was grateful that he did not push or ask for an explanation because how could she voice what his presence and his touches did to her and that she didn’t trust herself around him? It was such against her character to avoid conflict and not speak what was on her mind.

To Sidney and Lady Denham’s great joy, he and Charlotte were comfortable enough around each other to argue again.

“Miss Heywood, you and Lady Worchester have more than enough on your plate this December to market the auction. We cannot expect you to take more in!”

“Why not? Because we are women? Or because you think me too young and frivolous? I have 5 weeks in London before Lady Susan and I leave for Sanditon and I think we should make the most of it. Right now, we have four dinners and two balls planned. That is hardly stretching the capacity for 5 weeks. I don’t know how you spend your days doing business but I should imagine that they consist of more than putting on a pretty dress every sixth day. Please tell me, a farmer’s daughter who can shoot dead a rabbit 700 feet away, why you think me incapable of attending two more functions?”

“You know that is not the case, Charlotte! It is just not that simple!”

“It is exactly that simple, Mr. Parker!”

“No, because...” He was losing and he knew it. “Am I never to win an argument with you?”

“I should hope not if this is the best you’ve got!”

“Well then!”

“Well then!”

Usually they would stand with their arms crossed on their back and smile afterwards. Lady Denham would sit with glowing eyes and cheer – putting her money on Charlotte. She had grown very fond of the young woman but alas soon she would leave as well as Esther and Babington, Lady Denham dreaded that day.

That evening Sidney escorted Lady Denham to the dining room as he would do whenever she didn’t loudly command him to take Charlotte.

“Lady Denham, I have a rather delicate matter to discuss with you.”

Sidney glanced down at her.

“I am all ears, Mr. Parker!”

He smiled.

“I am going to be spending a lot of time in Sanditon. I love Trafalgar House but I do not need to be around my brother all the time. The hotel is a charmless solution for a longer period period of time. Would you be comfortable to let me rent some rooms at Sanditon House? Not for ever but until I find suitable accommodations. I know that you are used to have your privacy, so....”

Lady Denham didn’t speak for a while and Sidney feared he had overstepped his boundaries.

“I will hear nothing of it, Mr. Parker! Rent rooms to you, really...”

Sidney was about to apologize for his forwardness, when she continued with a slightly mushy voice.

“I have money enough and do not need your rent. You may stay for as long as you like. I’ll have the rooms readied for you.”

Before he could thank her, she winked mischievously at him.

“Do you want to move in before or after, Miss Heywood leaves?”

Sidney blushed and laughed embarrassed.

“I think after would be most appropriate, Lady Denham.”

“Yes... Yes, it would. But less conducive...”

He blushed again and pulled out her chair for her. He looked to see if anyone had overheard their conversation but no one seemed to. With a relieved sigh he sat down on his usual seat across from Charlotte.

Sidney still left a letter for Charlotte every day before he left. He loved the look in her eyes when he asked her to join him for a short walk. It was their moment of the day. The last letters had still been lovely but not as...revealing as the three letters he had left her when he went to London. They were humorous accounts of the two of them and of course with his heart as constant leading part. He dedicated an entire letter to her talent to pop up in front of him all the time and it had made her cry of laughter.

Eventually the day came where Charlotte was returning to Willingden. Since the first letter Sidney had not failed one single day and she had carefully packed 26 beautiful rewritten chapters of their history. She wondered if he would continue to write her.

Charlotte had said goodbye to Tom and Mary the day before. She hugged Esther and Babington; they were leaving the next day. Lady Denham was for once lost for words.

“Lady Denham, thank you so much for your kindness and your hospitality. I can safely say that I have never spoken my mind so freely as I have here nor been spoken to in the same manner. I shall miss our banter dearly.”

Lady Denham waved her handkerchief and motioned her to come closer. She hugged Charlotte and whispered in her ear.

“I shall miss you too, dear girl. Now go say goodbye to Mr. Parker. He looks like a lost dog.”

Sidney followed her out to the carriage and was careful to close the front door behind them.

He pulled her close and leaned his forehead against hers. His warm hands on her arms burned through her thick winter coat and they stood like that for a while. Barely breathing.

“Please don’t say that word, Charlotte.”

“What word?”

“Goodbye. Please come back to me, I will wait.”

Before she could answer, he lifted his head and took something out of his pocket.

“I have something for you.”

He took her hand and placed a small golden key in a long golden chain in her palm and closed it gently. His thumb stroked the palm of her wrist as he did and she stopped breathing, when he reluctantly let go of her, she let go of her breath.

“What is it?”

“You’ll see.”

He opened the door and helped her in and placed a soft kiss on the back of her hand before he closed the door and knocked on the side. The carriage left. He watched her drive away again but this time there was hope. This time it wasn’t goodbye.

On the seat was a beautiful wooden box made of dark exotic tree. The lid was decorated with a beautiful carved flowery pattern. Her fingers traced the exquisite piece of craftsmanship. There was a card.

Dear Charlotte,

Would it be vain of me to hope that you have kept all my letters? I hope not.

I do not deny that my feelings for you may have run off with me and that the letters are best suited for you to read only. This box can be locked with the key I gave you to keep the letters safe.

Give my best to your family. I will see you in London.

Yours,

Sidney

She teared up. This was such a beautiful gift and gesture. She unlocked the box and inside was a letter.

My love,

How I wish I could rewrite the moment where you drove away in the carriage. A happy ending version where I didn’t come to selfishly say goodbye, to see you and hold you one last time only to break your heart all over again. I am so sorry and I will not ask for your forgiveness.

I need to inform you that you have a blind passenger on board, my heart. I saw it slip onboard, it has left me for you.

I thought I could build a new shield, maybe even a wall; bigger and taller than the Chinese wall but I realized that there was no point. Without you and my heart I was just an empty shell of a man who loved and once was loved. There would be nothing left that needed protection.

But the thing was. As I saw the two of you drive away, I realized that you were in every fiber of my body. That it was impossible for me to separate myself from you because my body started to break into small pieces and run after you. It was a hard negotiation, the hardest in my life, but I made a deal with the pieces that I would get you back no matter what if only they would stay with me a little longer. So, you see, Charlotte. That is why I messed up so horribly. I would have lost myself completely, if I had damaged your reputation in the process, my heart and my being would never have forgiven me. We are still not on speaking terms.

Take good care of my heart, it was not its fault. Please keep it, even if you do not want me, because it will always belong to you.

This was the last chapter. I pray that I will do better in the next volume. That you will allow me a new volume. That we will have our happy ending. 

Yours forever,

Sidney

Chapter Text

November, third month of the goodbye

Sanditon House

Lady Denham and Sidney quickly established a rhythm of living together under the same roof. There was a silent agreement that the library belonged to the Sanditon company and he set up a study in one of his rooms. After a few days of sitting there alone he had a comfortable chair put in for Lady Denham. She enjoyed being there either meddling in his affairs or nodding off. To his great surprise he found that he quite liked having her there.

“How are your finances after all this, Mr. Parker?”

“Just fine. “

“Come now, Mr. Parker, I have seen the numbers. And I have seen how much you have invested continuously. You are a wealthy man but not that wealthy I dare say.”

Sidney looked up; it was obvious that Lady Denham wasn’t going to back down. He rubbed his chin and turned his chair to face her.

“Well, to put it short, I need Sanditon to be a success fast. I am comfortable but it would not be prudent of me to buy a house right now, even if... (he stopped himself). I wanted to invest as little of Mrs. Campion’s money as possible so I have sold good share of my business activities – I didn’t want to be Mrs. Campions financial slave. It is not hopeless to rebuild my fortune but it will take a while.”

He had been looking straight into her eyes while talking. She looked thoughtful.

“Well then, Mr. Parker – it is a good thing then that the young Charlotte isn’t in the market for a wealthy man.”

He laughed quietly.

“Yes, that may be my luck.”

___

Days were spent attending his own businesses, overseeing finances and the build sites and going over the project with Mr. Stringer and Tom, always in the presence of Lady Denham who watched Tom like a hawk.

One afternoon Lady Denham asked Sidney to accompany her to Denham Place. There was something she wanted to show him. Upon arrival Mr. Stringer took them to the newly restored dining room – a room Sidney had not yet seen on his visits, he always talked to Stringer by the desk where Stringer kept the plans and drawings.

The room was exquisite with walls in a shimmering pale green silk with a pattern of small pineapples. The ceiling painting showed exotic birds flying on a clear blue sky. Lady Denham’s eyes shone with excitement. Sidney laughed.

“This room will be our little joke, Mr. Parker.”

“Indeed, it will, Lady Denham.”

She took his arm as they walked the room and admired the work.

“How are things with Charlotte?”

He looked at her not quite sure how to respond.

“I honestly don’t know. I would like nothing more than to ask her to marry me but I don’t know if she will have me.”

“Well, you won’t find out until you ask! Really, Mr. Parker.”

“Good point, Lady D.”

“I have something I would like to discuss with you. It is a rather delicate matter. I find dying highly disagreeable and do not intend to do so for many years. Esther is married well and I do not want to leave as much as a penny or ass to Lord Denham or Miss Brereton. They are nothing but corrupt greedy weasels who does not care for Sanditon, only themselves. I do not want my money to go to such vipers. I have two alternatives as I see it, you and Charlotte. If you were married it would have been an easy solution but alas you are not for some tedious reason. What do you think, should I have you or young Charlotte as my heir?”

Sidney’s face showed utter surprise boarding to shock.

“It is very generous of you. Too generous, Lady Denham. But if that is your wish, I think you should choose Charlotte.”

“And you are not afraid that she will wander off with someone else?”

“More than anything but not because of money. No matter what happens I would be more than happy if Charlotte’s future was secured.”

“Mmmm, yes. You are a romantic, aren’t you, Mr. Parker? Where are you going to live if she says yes to you?”

Sidney sighed.

“If she will have me it doesn’t matter to me where we live. My home is where she is. We will have to rent a house unless we stay at Bedford Place in London but I doubt she would want to live there. But we are getting ahead of ourselves here, Lady Denham. I haven’t proposed yet and she hasn’t said yes.”

Lady Denham rolled her eyes.

“You should live here in Sanditon. Close to your investment, Mr. Parker. You can live in Sanditon House, it will be yours eventually. Now that we have settled all this, I would like to go home and have tea!”

Sidney was not quite sure what had just occurred. He wondered if Charlotte would marry him if she knew that he came with Lady Denham as a package deal? He laughed to himself and gently helped Lady Denham into the carriage.

Willingden

Charlotte arrived at the Heywood estate just in time for dinner. She held the box close to her body as she got out of the carriage and walked into the house. There was the normal chaos before dinner as all the Heywood children were coming in from playing outside or doing chores and getting ready and cleaned up. No one had noticed her come inside before she stood in the middle of it. In those few seconds she felt like an outlier in her own home, as if she didn’t belong there anymore.

“CHARLOTTE IS HERE!”

Those words broke the bustle and Charlotte was warmly hugged and greeted by her siblings and parents. Her father examined her closely.

“You must be tired, my girl. Go to your room and gather yourself and we will call when dinner is ready.”

Her room looked different somehow. Like it didn’t belong to her anymore. She carefully placed the box on the small table next to her bed and slid her fingers over the lid. The other letters were safely wrapped inside her nightgown in the trunk, she couldn’t wait to put them in the sanctity of the box.

Her eyes fell on a small square white object on her bed and her heart jumped. It was a letter and she knew right away that it was from Sidney. She picked it up and held it to her lips and smelled it. It still had his scent on it. Taught by the effect of previous letters’ effect on her she locked it in the box for later.

Dinner was noisy and wonderful. Charlotte had written several times during her stay but she was happy to tell everything again. Especially about the response to the work that she and her father had done and how the renovation was taking shape.

Tired but content to be home Charlotte returned to her room and readied for bed. She took out the letter and repeated the ritual from the last many nights, gently breaking the seal and tracing Sidney’s handwriting before she started reading.

Darling Charlotte,

I hope that you have arrived safely and trust that your family are happy to have you home again.

I like the thought that my letters are the last thing you see before you go to sleep and I wasn’t sure if you could resist reading the letter in the box. I hope you couldn’t.

Writing these letters make me miss you a little less. And I hope they make you miss me a little more. As we both know I am not short of presumptions when it comes to you.

How is my heart behaving? Has it been bothering you?

Counting the days until I see you again,

Sidney

Charlotte enjoyed being home. Mr. and Mrs. Heywood suspected that it was partly because she was soon leaving again for London. The month in Sanditon had done her well, she no longer looked heartbroken but she didn’t look happy either.

To her surprise and joy Sidney continued to send her letters every day. He shared his life with her; stories from his childhood, Eliza’s breakup and how heartbroken he had been and a very detailed narrative about his time in Antigua. He addressed her “Admiral Heywood” in his Antigua letters. The letter about his mother and how much he loved her and how devastated he had been when she died, had made her cry for hours.

Charlotte, my love

I have never told you about my mother. She died when I was 15 and looking back, I did not only lose her but Diana and Arthur as well. They were so young and none of us coped very well. I see that now. Tom was left in charge and lost himself – and as consequence we lost him too. Tom said that us four Parker siblings need you, as I write this letter and think of her, I can see what he meant. You are the one that will bring us back.

She would have loved you, and you her. Like you people instantly felt at ease in her company. And like you she was beautiful inside and out, intelligent and kind. I loved her more than anything and not a day goes by where I don’t think of her or miss her.

If she had seen me do the things that I have done, she would have sent me to my room. And I am quite sure that she would have stood by you every time you called out my imperfections and appealed to my better self, my truest self. That is what she taught me and I had let myself forget that – until I met you. No wonder my heart left me for you.

I love you and I miss you,

Sidney

His letters were raw and honest, he was letting her in where no other person had been before. He trusted her. Other letters were a simple often humorous account of everyday things that he wanted to share with her – like a talk over dinner. He always asked about his heart. She started writing him back in the same manner.

Dear Sidney,

Thank you for your letters. They are the highlight of my day.

I cannot help but laugh as I imagine Lady D ordering you around. It sounds to me as if the two of you are getting along splendidly, I am sure that she enjoys your company. Has she beaten you in card games yet?

It snowed today in Willingden. Big fluffy snowflakes. I love when everything is white and glittering. Like a clean sheet of paper waiting to tell a story.

My father and I discussed Heraclitus today. Do you remember our conversation by the river at the regatta? I think he tried to tell me that I have changed. That Willingden is not the same river I stepped out of weeks ago. Most importantly I believe he was telling me that he accepted the change.

How is the renovation going? I cannot wait to see the result.

Yours,

Charlotte

PS. I have not seen you heart yet but I feel its presence all the time – especially when I read your letters. I think maybe it’s is a little shy.

PPS. Give my love to Lady Denham.

Sidney almost cried in front of the footman when he handed him the first letter from Charlotte and he did cry when he read it.

One of the last days before Charlotte was leaving for London her father asked her to take a walk with him. They walked in silence for a while, she could feel his eyes gently examining her as they had done more than once since her return.

“How are you, Charlotte? Your sadness has gone but you do not look happy.”

“Oh, Papa. So much has happened and I can hardly tell myself how I am feeling.”

That was the truth. She was confused.

“Would it help to share it with me? I promise I will not think badly of you and I will not judge.”

Charlotte took a deep breath and grasped his arm a little tighter. Her voice trembled as she talked. Being her confident her father already knew from her letters that she had felt ambushed and hurt by their plan. And most importantly that Mrs. Campion had broken of the engagement.

“I don’t know where to start. I love him and I know that he loves me. He has made his intentions very clear, also that he will give me space until I am ready. Papa, he has written me a letter every day for months. Beautiful and patient letters. Even if I trust him, we always seem to be fighting the universe and my heart is already in so many pieces I fear I could lose it entirely.”

“Charlotte, dear girl. Life is not a straight path where you can avoid pain by shielding your heart. Without darkness there would be no light. Trust needs the company of faith. You need to have faith that the two of you are stronger together than separately because of what you have been through, not despite of it. That you can fight the universe together. There are no guaranties, no mapped-out life without obstacles. Based on the dedication he has put into writing to you daily I dare say that he is the kind of man that you can safely love, trust and have faith in.”

“Oh, Papa.”

Like the first time she confided in her father, she was sobbing against his chest.

Charlotte sat that evening at the small table in her room and tried to compose a letter to Sidney.

Dear Sidney,

I leave for London the day after tomorrow and I am both excited and nervous about the task at hand. I am grateful that Susan will be there with me. Will you be there too?

I have found your heart and it is safe and sound, I bring it with me where ever I go.

Love,
Charlotte

Chapter Text

December, fourth month after the goodbye

Sidney missed Charlotte’s letter by less than an hour. When the letter was delivered, he was on his way to Willingden and the letter was left for him on his desk at his study.

The day before he had met with Tom in the most likely vain hope that he could pump enough reason into him to last until he returned. Sidney didn’t have to. Tom was still a dreamer but he was also a family man and the hurt and anger in Sidney’s voice when he had yelled 10 years of sadness over Tom still resonated in him. He could easily lose his tracks over finances or the general overview of the renovation projects but he could not forget the voice of his younger brother.

“I don’t trust myself either, Sidney. That is why I have agreed with Mr. Stringer that he takes over while you are in London.”

“Good to hear it, Tom. Because I have instructed Mr. Stringer that he can tie you up if need be. I’ll be back before Christmas. Let us hope for Sanditon’s sake that I am as valuable a prospect as we have calculated on.”

The last words were said to himself – he was not just talking about investments but Charlotte too. Tom patted him on the back.

“You are and she will come back. I am oblivious to many things but the way she looked at you did not even pass me!”

Sidney arrived late in Willingden late afternoon. A group of children with a striking family resemblance to Charlotte ran inside as the carriage approached and Mr. Heywood came outside.

“Mr. Sidney Parker, I presume? Welcome I have been expecting you.”

Mr. Heywood smiled reassuringly at the young man and motioned him inside. Sidney blushed with surprise, this meant that Charlotte had been talking to her father about him.

“Thank you, Mr. Heywood. And yes I am.”

“We will find peace and brandy in my study. This way.”

Comfortably seated in front of the fireplace with a class of brandy the two men sat for a while without talking. Sidney could feel Mr. Heywood examining him and looked up. His eyes were kind with a teasing look as if his life wisdom had seen through Sidney and already knew everything.

“Before you start, Mr. Parker, it would only be fair to inform you that Charlotte has told me everything that has passed between the two of you. As much as I would enjoy myself in letting you squirm in your seat for a little while as punishment for taking my daughter unaccompanied to Scotland, Charlotte would never forgive me for teasing you and I therefor tell you straight up that I know and I don’t think badly of you. Now, young man. State your business.”

Sidney laughed slightly embarrassed; he had played versions of this conversation in his head so many times but never had this been an imagined possible outcome.

“Well, Mr. Heywood, that certainly takes some of the weight of my shoulders. Thank you, though I am not sure I deserve your kindness or understanding. I don’t think too well of myself and I will never forgive myself for the hurt I caused Charlotte. I broke her heart, when I should have protected it. Ever since I have worked hard to do the right thing and be the kind of man that she thinks I am – even though I am less than perfect most of the time. Truth is, Mr. Heywood, that I am lost at sea without her. I am impatient by nature but I will take as long as it takes for her to forgive me and trust me again. Her family means the world to her and I have seen the love and respect in her eyes when she talks about you, Mr. Heywood and it only feels right that I ask your permission to court her and while we are at it ask for her hand in marriage. I don’t know if she will have me, or if I have hurt her too much to trust me and love me again. But I have to try. I owe you to say that all my finances are tied up in Sanditon and will be for years to come if not forever. I can offer Charlotte a comfortable life but not the life I wanted to give her.”

Mr. Heywood rubbed his bearded chin as if he was voting.

“You have my blessing to court and marry Charlotte, Mr. Parker. As of wealth Charlotte nor I consider it a valid reason to marry. I cannot tell you if she will want you but I can tell you this. You cannot make Charlotte do anything she doesn’t want to do nor can you make her back away from something that she wants to do. Not even if it means trouble. I gather that you have already experienced that first hand and still you are here asking for her hand. That tells me something about your character and that means more to me than wealth. She deserves a partner in life who consider her his equal.”

Sidney tried to hide his emotions and said in a low voice.

“A man cannot step into the same river.”

Mr. Heywood laughed. A deep rumbling laughter like a big kind bear.

“Not you too, Mr. Parker! You cannot hide behind the quote of a dead Greek philosopher like that. That is not how philosophy works. Heraclitus is talking about us being in constant change because we live our lives. We are affected by our surroundings, our decisions, our actions. We love and we hurt. We are happy and we are in pain. We gain and we lose. And we change because of it. The river is not an analogy not to go back to someone but to reflect. If it is any consolation to you, I don’t believe that you and Charlotte ever stepped out of the river. You got caught in the current and were carried out to open sea and now you both feel so lost that you don’t realize that you are clinging on to each other for dear life. Have faith in her, Mr. Parker, as well as in yourself. I am talking to a suitor here that has been writing my darling daughter daily without fail. She knows, Mr. Parker.”

Sidney was close to tears now and couldn’t speak. The last months had been a turmoil of events and emotions.

“Now, Mr. Parker. I think Mrs. Parker has dinner ready. Why don’t you stay for a few days and get to know us? You can sleep in Charlotte’s room. You will still be able to make it to London in time.”

Mr. Heywood patted him fondly on the back.

Sidney could feel Charlotte the second he stepped into her room that night. The intimacy of being in her private space made his body burn. The room was simply decorated and he smiled as he saw the bookshelf and let his fingers trace the back of the books. It was heavy reading. No wonder, she could beat him in arguments. When he readied for bed, he found her nightgown neatly folded and placed on the chair. He buried his face in the Charlotte scented cotton, he could not wait to see her again. For the first night since Charlotte had left Sanditon he slept well. Being in her room, in her bed with her nightgown and pillow smelling of her calmed him.

Next morning, he woke up rested and hopeful and joined the family for breakfast. Mr. Heywood took him on a tour round the estate and shared his ideas and strategy with him. Sidney could recognize some of it from Charlotte’s plan. Her siblings followed them around, all curious and sparkling. It was like being surrounded by small versions of Charlotte and he could not help but imagine what their children would look like. If it was anything like this, he would be the happiest father alive.

***

The first event to secure the right attendance at the auction was a private and exclusive dinner hosted by Susan. She had handpicked the guestlist and nothing was left to chance.

Charlotte examined herself in the mirror. Susan had equipped her with a quite extensive and exquisite wardrobe and she had chosen a white dress for tonight. It had multiple layers of thin organza giving her a dreamy and alluring silhouette that filtered the light when she moved like a thin curtain playing lazily with sun beams. She wore a simple necklace with a rose quartz drop lolling on her bosom and matching earrings. The maid had tamed her curls into a soft updo that still made her feel like herself. A pair of green silk slippers finished the look.

Mrs. Campion would be there as well and Charlotte was nervous. Much was at stake and she feared to be provoked and ruin everything but Susan had ensured her that much was at stake for Mrs. Campion as well. Besides they would be seated at opposite ends of the table. She wondered if Sidney would make it, they had not heard from him. The weather was cold and beautiful but the snow could slow him down and demand an extra overnight. She wondered if her letter had gotten to him in time before his departure?

The dinner party was very well matched and Susan introduced Charlotte to her guests in a manner so praising that it made her blush.

Charlotte was hesitant at first but soon found herself being quite comfortable mingling and talking, not because it was in her nature but because the company was intriguing and small enough in size not to be overwhelming. She was standing with her back to the door of the room and had just been introduced to the young and handsome Lord Courtland when she felt the small hairs on her body rise from the sudden electricity in the room, she knew without turning that Sidney had come. She turned to see him and there he was, tall and confident with his eyes fixed on her and a happy smile on his face. The blush on his cheeks revealed that he had hurried and that the journey had been cold and straining. But he was here. It took all she had to return to the conversation with the Lord who luckily was a charming and entertaining interlocutor.

Sidney had made it just in time and was out of breath as he arrived, seeing Charlotte – beautiful like falling snow standing there – he gave up breathing entirely. She was breathtaking.

“Sidney, how pleasant to see you!”.

His body flinched by the sound of the familiar voice behind him.

“Mrs. Campion.”

“Relax, Sidney. We parted amiably don’t you remember? I am not here to destroy things but to sprinkle my charm over the flock and open wallets. We are on the same side.”

Sidney gave her a small smile.

“Of course, forgive me.”

“How are things moving along with Miss Heywood?”

Sidney sighed and was about to brush her off when he realized that her question was sincere.

“Honestly, I am not sure. It has not exactly been smooth sailing for us. I am surprised you ask, Eliza.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I hate her for winning your heart. It had been my prize for a decade but we were not suited for each other, I see that now and I wonder if we ever were. She annoys me and the sooner she is married to you the better (Eliza gave a short laugh) Men are attracted to me because of my beauty but they are attracted to her because of her being. Just look at that young fool talking to her, he is already more captivated by her than is good for him. I hate being in a competition I cannot win. For that I will never like her.”

Oh, Sidney had noticed how the gentleman’s eyes lingered at Charlotte when she talked and laughed.

“It was never a competition, Eliza. Until you made it one.”

Sidney knew that the seating plan was made for business purposes but he felt a pang of sadness that he had been seated in the opposite end of Charlotte. Next to none other than Eliza. Lord Courtland looked too happy when he escorted Charlotte to the table and pulled out the chair for her. They were caught up in conversation. Sidney had not even been able to talk to her, only a polite small bow from across the room to greet her.

His body was so alert of her that his ears could exclude all other chatter and pick up the conversation.

“Tell me, Miss Heywood, why should I invest in an apartment in Sanditon when there are established places like Brighton? Other than you?”

“Lord Courtland, you strike me as a gentleman that has everything you need but this is not just acquiring a summer home by the sea – you are right Brighton already has that. But how many times have you had the opportunity to make your mark on the world? To form the character of a whole town? As you said yourself, Brighton is established, is that what you seek in life, Lord Courtland? The established and predictable?”

Charlotte gave him a flashing smile and the Lord laughed.

“Touche, Miss Heywood. I shall come to the auction if nothing else but to see you lovely face again and dance with you at the ball.”

He lifted her hand and kissed the back of her hand without breaking eye contact.

Eliza poked Sidney’s arm discretely. Their targets were some of the most successful bankers in London. Susan had estimated that it would take a joined effort of Eliza’s beauty and charm and Sidney as part of the prospect to secure their interest. If they came to the auction other bankers and businessmen would follow. Eliza whispered.

“Relax, Sidney. She is not flirting, I can tell. I’m not even sure she’s capable. Right now, I need your help, Mr. Williams has been asking you the same question twice now.”

It took all he got but Sidney focused on the task at hand and together he and Eliza wheeled in Mr. Williams and his companions.

When the last dinner guest had left Susan’s town home the three of them sat in the drawing room with a glass of wine and made accounts of the evening. They agreed that it had been a success. Susan noticed the glances that Sidney sent Charlotte. They had not had a moment alone. Charlotte had been monopolized by Lord Courtland.

“Excuse me for a moment.”

Susan sent Sidney a you’ve-got-two-minutes-you-better-behave-look and left the room.

Sidney swallowed.

“I’ve missed you, Charlotte... “

He looked desperate.

"Will you let me court you?”

Charlotte sent him a smile that turned his body into water, there was a teasing twinkle in her eyes.

“Writing me every day is not courting? In that case I will look forward to be courted ardently, Mr. Parker!”

Eliza was wrong, Miss Charlotte Heywood did know how to flirt! The fire in Sidney’s body left his mouth dry and open. Before he could say or do anything Susan entered the room again.

“It is getting late, Mr. Parker. Will we see you tomorrow?”

Sidney looked at Charlotte.

“If you are not too busy, I would like to call on you.”

“I don’t know, Mr. Parker. We have a ball only three days from now and I am not sure how we are going to fit you into our busy schedule!”

Sidney laughed.

“Alright, Miss Heywood. I have learned my lesson.”

The planned events went very well and Susan was pleased with the joined effort of the little team. Sidney stopped by every day and Susan did her best to chaperone properly without blocking their healing. Sidney and Charlotte exchanged letters, usually just teasing innocent remarks.

Dear Sidney

I am beginning to think that you miss Lady Denham. You were quite distracted today.

Yours,

Charlotte

Dear Charlotte

I do miss Lady Denham but I must say that she doesn’t hold a candle to you and Susan when it comes to giving me orders. But know that I am happy to obey, your wish is my command.

As for my distraction. You bit your lip; do you have any idea what that does to me?

Your faithful servant,

Sidney

The last event on Susan’s agenda was Mrs. Maudsley’s ball and it was not exactly something Charlotte had looked forward to. She was nervous and hoped to boost her confidence by looking her very best. The look in Sidney’s face when he came to get her and Susan told her that she would do very well in her blue dress with gold embroidery. It complemented her golden and brown colors and the neckline highlighted the curves of her collarbone and bosom. Sidney could feel his legs tremble when she came down the stairs.

The room was as impressive and terrifying as she remembered it and she held on tight to Sidney’s arm.

“How are we going to talk to anyone here, Susan?”

Susan smiled and with her eyes fixed on the hunting field she answered.

“You are not here to talk. You are here as bait. Dance and enchant as many of these rich and bored people as you can and they shall follow you to the auction!”

Charlotte looked pale and was about to flee when Lord Courtland approached and asked for the first dance.

Susan leaned in on Sidney.

“You have a job. If he doesn’t let go of her again, you cut in – but only for one dance! We already have him.”

Sidney didn’t have to cut in. Someone else was happy to and he noticed how his beautiful Charlotte attracted the attention of every eligible bachelor in the room – and some married gentlemen as well. He tried to enroll in a card game and do his bit but his eyes followed a beautiful blue dress and a pair of sparkling brown eyes on the dance floor.

When the last dance was announced he couldn’t resist himself and cut in. After weeks apart she was in his arms. Soft and warm and smelling so sweet. Their eyes locked and he could feel his skin burning where her hands were touching. He wanted to say something but he smiled too much to form a sentence. It was over in a second but he got to follow her home and he could feel her dress brush against his knees on the ride back to Susan’s house.

The last day before Sidney had to return to Sanditon he came by to visit Charlotte. Susan placed herself as far away from them as the room would let her, her back turned.

“Charlotte, I have something for you. Please open when you retire to your room on Christmas evening.”

He placed a beautifully decorated box next to her and pulled her up gently, placing a soft kiss on the back of her hand and a deeper and more lingering on her cheek.

A discrete cough from Susan made him return to his seat.

Christmas came and Susan held a dinner party even more exclusive and high-profiled than the dinner for the auction. The Prince Regent were there and some of their close friends and there were some great minds among and Charlotte was beaming with delight. She was a bit hesitant at first but soon engaged in the discussions and made The Prince Regent laugh more than once. Susan had told him about her young and pure friend with the sharp mind and witty tongue. Charlotte did not disappoint.

It was well after midnight before she was in her bed and opened the box. Inside were a letter and two boxes; a beautiful lacquer box and a small royal blue velvet box.

Merry Christmas, Charlotte!

Please open the big box before you continue reading.

She opened it and inside the lined box was a small deep red bowl that had been broken and mended with gold. It was beautiful. She picked it out of the box and let her fingers trace the golden lines.

I haven’t told you but I think you have guessed that I went to see your family and talk to your father. I can see a lot of you in him and vice versa. Something he told me made me think of the Japanese art of Kintsugi; it means ‘golden joinery’ and is the philosophy of taking something broken and turning the breakage and repairment into a work of art. The damage becomes an exquisite part of an object’s storytelling. That is how your father interprets Heraclitus’ man and river. Our hearts were broken but not destroyed, I hope we can mend them and make them a beautiful chapter our history. We should be proud of them; they are our battle scars.

Now, please open the little box

She gasped when she opened it. Inside was a little golden heart pendant in a thin golden chain.

This belonged to my mother. It was the first gift my father gave her when they first fell in love. I hope it can kintsugi the pieces of your broken heart.

I am keeping my promise not to push you or propose to you until you are ready.

Please come back to me. I love you,

Sidney

Chapter Text

First week in January, fifth month of the goodbye

Charlotte’s letter had been laying on his desk for weeks waiting for his return. A little innocent looking white square of folded paper. Though his heart was miles away trotting close to Charlotte he could hear it beat fast and loud when he saw it as he was browsing through his mail. And even more when he opened it. She had been replying to his letters for a while but somehow, he knew when he saw her handwriting that this was different. He read the last lines over and over again.

I have found your heart and it is safe and sound, I bring it with me where ever I go.

Love,
Charlotte

It was the fourth day of the new year and she would be returning today. She was coming home to him. Sidney could feel his cheeks burn at the thought of referring to Sanditon House as her home. As their home. To his surprise he did feel at home here – as much as he could feel at home anywhere without Charlotte.

The days since his return from London had been busy. He and Babington had with a small army of solicitors drafted the documents for the auction and they had also found an auctioneer – with the help of Mr. Heywood. Charlotte had written and suggested that they auctioned the first summer in Denham Place as well to spur the attention, a simple stroke of genius.

Mr. Stringer and his men had really done a marvelous job renovating the place and it was close to finished. Sidney had treated them all to a round at The Crown on Christmas day and with the help of Lady Denham payed them a small bonus. That had gone down very well.

Tom had kept his promise, he could still get excited bordering agitated but he would calm down again and Sidney had to admit that most of his ideas weren’t half bad and Mr. Stringer had been excellent in downsizing some of them to executable solutions. All Sidney needed now was Charlotte.

Sidney was so caught up in his thoughts and work that he didn’t hear the carriage pull up. To his defense Charlotte and Susan arrived much sooner than expected. Charlotte had persuaded Susan to skip every break they could – she missed Sidney. So, when he heard her voice in the hallway, he was sure that it was his imagination mocking him. He went to the door to the hallway without adjusting his attire, his shirt sleeves rolled up, his cravat loosened, his hair a bit ruffled. It was her! Without thinking or caring he took long strides to her, gently grabbed her hand and led her out the still open front door, around the corner of the building away from prying eyes and kissed her. His left arm hooked her small waist and pulled her close and his right-hand pulled of her bonnet and cradled her head. It was a gentle and soft kiss to begin with, his lips just brushed hers before they gently nipped her plump lower lip. She parted her lips just enough for him to slip in the tip of his tongue. How he remained standing when the tip of their tongues met, he had no idea. She tasted so sweet and she felt so soft and warm. The rest of the world had disappeared it was just him and Charlotte kissing slowly and softly while big fluffy snowflakes slow-danced around them. Sidney broke the kiss as gently as he had started it, took her hand again and led her back inside.

“Not a word!”

His voice was deep and commanding, words spoken as he walked past the clearly amused flock still holding Charlotte’s hand. They followed them into the library where Sidney pulled out the chair next to his for her.

“Thank you, Sidney... for your gallantry but I think I would like to take my coat of first!”

The room burst out laughing and Sidney laughed too, embarrassed, his neck and cheeks were fifty shades of red.

Lady Denham yelled out the seating plan for dinner in her usual indiscrete manner. Sidney was ordered to offer Charlotte his arm and he gallantly offered his other arm to Lady Denham.

“Sidney has his work cut out for him.”

Susan was smiling widely to Esther and Babington as they walked behind Sidney’s tall dark figure framed by two of the most opinionated, outspoken and sharp women in the country.

“Who could have known that it would take a farmer’s daughter who reads books and my bitter old aunt to make that brooding bachelor happy.”

“No, wonder, he never fell for the women Crowe and I introduced him to.”

They laughed as quietly as possible not to disturb the odd happy threesome.

Dinner was a delight and Lady Denham was beaming with joy, she was surrounded by all her favorite people. She had even begun to warm up to Tom Parker. Actually, she was so pleased with it all that she almost forgot to speak. Almost.

“I have never had any fancy for having my house full as a hotel but since the maids and footmen aren’t wanting higher wages, I suppose you are all welcome.”

“My, Aunt. You surely are spoiling us with compliments this evening.”

Esther’s voice was dry and sarcastic as always but her eyes were smiling fondly.

Conversation was flowing naturally but Charlotte had to concentrate to be part of it. She could feel the heat radiating from Sidney and his little finger brushed against hers whenever he had the chance. It was all very disturbing to her composure.

After dinner they all went to the drawing room. Charlotte gazed out the window, the snow was still falling softly from the sky and she enjoyed the coolness from the window. Sidney brought her a glass of sherry, he wanted to be close to her.

“I apologize for the way I behaved when you arrived today, Charlotte. I promised that I wouldn’t push you.”

She didn’t look at him, her eyes followed a snowflake land on the window glass and slide down.

“You didn’t push me. I have missed you too.”

She turned her head and met his eyes. The teasing twinkle was back.

“Being an innocent farmer’s daughter who knows nothing, have been nowhere and only knows love from books, I thought that you were just courting me ardently. But now I know were the line goes for future reference. Thank you, Mr. Parker, you have done me a great service.”

“What a brute I was to you.”

“It wasn’t all undeserving.”

“I hope...”

Lady Denham’s voice broke his sentence.

“Come away from that drafted window, Charlotte! You will catch your cold. You too, Sidney!”

It was the first time that Lady Denham had used Sidney’s Christian name when they were not alone and there was a slightly surprised giggle to be heard.

Sanditon House was a bustle of activity as they prepared for the big auction. It was to be held in the newly restored rooms of Denham Place. The men were still working on the last rooms on the upper floors but all in all it was ready to show off. The evening before Sidney had been handling some correspondence that couldn’t wait in his own study, and the hours had turned very late. When he came downstairs to the hallway to put his mail on the tray to be sent in the morning by the footmen, he noticed a flickering light through the half-open door to the library.

It was Charlotte. Her head was buried in papers and she was writing notes. Her hair was down and he noticed that it had grown longer. He coughed softly to announce his presence.

“What are you doing up, Charlotte?”

His voice was soft and hoarse. His pulse rapid. She looked so beautiful.

“I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to go over everything again before tomorrow, just in case...”

She rose her head as she spoke and he could see her cheeks blushing with fatigue and her voice sounded concerned and nervous.

“In case of what, Charlotte?”

He pulled out a chair next to her and turned her chair to face him. He took her hands in his and stroked the back of them soothingly with his thumb. Her voice trembled.

“So much is at stake here. We have based everything on my plans, what if I am wrong? I don’t have any prerequisites to... to do this kind of thing. What if everything fails tomorrow?”

She bit her lip and the first tear was moving its way down her rosy cheek.

Sidney pulled her chair closer, so close that their knees entwined. He wiped away the tear and tucked a stray curl behind her ear and let his finger softly trace the curve of her ear. He swallowed. She had shown them her plan – her thoughtful and elaborate ideas that she had spent weeks on preparing and they had gratefully taken them and by that loaded all responsibility over on her shoulders.

Let us face it, we all need Charlotte in our lives but we are in the same danger of misusing her as we did you. You included, Sidney.

The memory of Tom’s words struck him like a lightning bolt.

He took her hands in his again and placed kisses on her knuckles.

“Charlotte, please look at me. Nothing can go wrong tomorrow. The auction will be held and hopefully we will sell all the prospects and maybe we won’t. Sanditon is secured no matter the outcome tomorrow. Your ideas are what moved us forward, you were the one that brought us back when we needed someone to follow.”

He dotted kisses on her hands again.

“Of all the people involved in this prospect you are the only one who is not at fault, who is not responsible. You lit a light for us to follow but the weight is to be carried by the rest of us – not you. You have done more than your part and we owe everything to you.”

He gently dove his fingers through her curls and cupped her face. Her cheeks were glistening with teardrops and he kissed them away before he found her lips and kissed her long and lingering.

Reluctantly he finished the kiss by letting his lips slowly let go of her lower lip as he pulled away.

“Come on, you need your sleep. I’ll walk you to your room.”

They walked in silence up the stairs and he parted with her in safe distance of her door.

“I love you.”

He waited until she had entered her room and closed the door.

“I love you too.”

The words flew out through the last crack of the closing door like small butterflies.

Chapter Text

Second week of January, fifth month of the goodbye

It seemed that everyone who was anything had decided to go to Sanditon for the auction. All the cottages were rented and the hotel was full. Most had arrived the day before since the auction was quite early in the day to make room for the ball.

A small parcel arrived from Mr. Heywood. Inside were a pair of white gloves for good luck – an old tradition to give the auctioneer if every lot is sold.

Denham Place was packed with auction goers and the limited seating in the auction room were full. Mr. Stringer had had some beautiful posters made showing the floor plan and the placing of the apartments in the building. They were 7 feet tall showing each of the 11 apartments, the audience walked by and there was a buzzing chatter to be heard in every room of Denham House.

At 11 a bell announced that the auction was about to begin. The executive board had been mingling but now gathered at the back of the room. All but Susan, who had joined The Prince Regent. She wanted him to buy the first season at Denham Place.

“First lot. Apartment 1A. Let’s start at £1.000. Do I hear £1.000. £1.100. Do I hear £1.200 - thank you sir! £.1.300. We have £1.400 from the back of the room. Do I hear £.1.500? £1.400 going once. Going twice. SOLD! To bidder nr. 231. Congratulations, Sir!”

Charlotte squeezed Sidney’s arm and sighed relieved. £1.500 for the smallest apartment was better than expected.

The auctioneer chanted setting the pace after the mood of the room, he was doing a brilliant job. The beau monde of London was fully entertained. One by one the apartments were sold. The lowest target was £20.000 and when the auctioneer joyfully hit the hammer to mark the last lot sold, they had a total of £33.750. And this was before the auction of the first summer season of Denham Place. After the initial biddings, it was down to a battle between Lord Courtland, Mr. Williams and The Prince. Being close friends, the Lord and The Prince started to shout humorous insults at each other.

The room was boiling, eventually Mr. Williams backed out. The two opponents were standing up now, arms spread out and cheering the crowd on.

“Your Highness, are you sure you need another place to visit this summer? Is it not enough to have an entire Empire?”

“Lord Courtland. A young man as yourself should not take on a place without asking your mother permission first!”

“I’ll tell you what, Prince Peacock. It is getting late and I have a dance with a beautiful woman waiting for me, I hope (Courtland winked at Charlotte). Why don’t we call it a truce and pool our biddings for the first two seasons! I’ll invite you if you will invite me!”

He looked at the auctioneer.

“Can we do that, good Sir?”

The auctioneer looked at Sidney who nodded with a big smile.

“What say you, Prince?”

“Lord Cakey, I say that it is probably a good thing not to let you go alone. We have a deal!”

“Going once. Going twice. SOLD! To Prince Peacock and Lord Cakey!”

The room was clapping and laughing.

“It would have been cheaper for them to have bought an apartment. “

Charlotte was surprised – the two friends had placed a total sum of nearly £3.000.

“Yes, but where would the fun and boasting have been in that?”

Esther’s voice was dry.

“Excuse me.”

Charlotte let go of Sidney’s arm and zigzagged across the room to congratulate the auctioneer and hand over the cloves for a job very well done. Midway she was grabbed gently by the arm by Lord Courtland.

“Miss Heywood, how wonderful to see you again. I apologize for calling you out like that but I do hope that you will forgive me and let me have a dance with you at the ball.”

She smiled.

“There is nothing to forgive. You helped to make the auction an event that people will remember. In fact, I owe you a dance.”

He took her hand and kissed it. His eyes were fixed on her and his voice had turned deep and hoarse.

“Well, I’ll opt for two dances then.”

Charlotte blushed and smiled.

“You will have to excuse me now, Lord Courtland. I have to deliver this parcel.”

“Of course. Until later, Miss Heywood.”

“Until later.”

They stayed until all the guests had left Denham Place, chit chatting, shaking hands and just mingling. Charlotte’s auction had been a great success, the result overwhelming and Sidney gave her proud kiss on the cheek when he thought no one was looking. Lady Denham was thrilled but tired and Sidney had a chair brought to her while they finished the last details.

Charlotte was exhausted, the day had been overwhelming and emotional but she looked forward to the ball and to dance with Sidney. She looked at her reflection and was quite content with what she saw. The ivory silk was embroidered with pearls and shimmered when she moved. The design was simple but so exquisitely done. She let a finger trace the neckline, it was a bit more daring than she was used to and revealed her collarbone in the most complementing manner. Gently she took out the heart necklace from Sidney but the lock was too delicate to handle and she had sent away the maid. As she walked out into the hallway Sidney came towards her. He looked very handsome, tall and dark in a very tailored suit and a dashing bright smile.

“You look very beautiful, Charlotte.”

His voice was tender and oh so deep. It poured down her body like warm water and she felt slightly dizzy.

“Thank you, you too.”

She looked around; they were alone.

“I want to wear this but I cannot put it on myself. The lock is too delicate and my dress to tight to... Would it be too inappropriate for you to help me?”

Her innocent voice and pure eyes almost undid him. He swallowed and shook his head. She turned her back to him and he gently lowered the necklace on her bosom from behind and let his fingers trace her skin as he pulled back the ends toward the back of her neck. Charlotte gasped and he could feel her chest heaving up and down. His fingers burned her skin as he locked the chain carefully allowing himself to slowly touch her soft skin. When the necklace was securely fastened, he couldn’t resist the temptation and let his right index finger trail down the naked skin on her spine and follow the neckline around to a soft curl dangling alluringly from her updo. Charlotte was breathless. His touches left her skin humming.

Sidney let his fingers continue down her arm until he reached her hand and took it.

“We better go downstairs before I forget to behave like a gentleman, Miss Heywood.”

She nodded as in a trance and followed him. Her legs were wobbly and she was grateful to hold on to him.

The assembly hall had never looked more dazzling with lights sparkling in the crystals of the chandeliers. Tom welcomed everybody to what he hoped would be an annual event, The Sanditon New Year’s Ball. The room was buzzing already.

“Miss Heywood, you look very beautiful. May I have my two dances now?”

Lord Courtland held out his hand and Sidney politely let go of her and saw her take the dance floor. There was no doubt that the Lord was more than mildly interested in her. His eyes never left her and she was laughing at something he said. Sidney had never understood how jealousy worked until now, luckily Babington and Esther joined him. Babington was his usual happy self but Esther who could read him like an open book squeezed his arm.

“It is not becoming nor fair, Sidney.”

“I know and I am not proud of it.”

“He is handsome, isn’t he? Nothing like Babington of course...”

Sidney laughed.

“Thank you, Esther.”

After the two dances Lord Courtland escorted Charlotte back, Sidney could tell that the Lord was trying to figure out if Charlotte was a losing game. To Sidney’s relief Charlotte took his arm. They all talked for a while and Babington helped break the tension without knowing.

A new dance was announced and Sidney turned to Charlotte.

“May I have this dance, Miss Heywood?”

She smiled.

“Yes, I love to dance.”

“I know.”

Her hand fit perfectly in his and his hand fit perfectly on the small of her back. Her eyes were sparkling more than ever and her smile was so pure and sweet that he could feel himself smile like the fool in love he was. Of course, the dances had to come to an end and Mr. Stringer asked Charlotte to dance. Sidney found Esther and practically dragged her to the dance floor.

“Sidney, you know dancing is not my thing!”

“Yes, nor mine unless it is with either Charlotte or you and Charlotte is busy.”

“Very well then. But only one! I am carrying after all.”

After a few more cavaliers Charlotte was back a bit short of breath and smiling happily at him.

“Would you mind dancing with me now, Mr. Parker? I think my social capital is spend for tonight.”

He looked surprised at her.

“What? Am I not allowed to ask?”

“By all means, Miss Heywood. You may ask me anything you like.”

The minute she was in his arms the banter was gone. His eyes turned dark and he was so focused on her that he was not sure he remembered all the steps. Her eyes were infinite and he would never tire of gazing into them. They were like the sun and the moon at the same time. The stars at sea was nothing compared to the sparkle in her big brown eyes. He was lost in them. The dance ended but he didn’t move.

“I don’t want to let go of you.”

His voice was soft and deep. She could feel it trail down her spine like his finger earlier. Her lips parted and she bit her lower lip. A low whisper kissed his ears.

“Then don’t. Finish our conversation.”

He looked at her to see if she meant what he hoped. She did.

“I love you, Charlotte. Will you marry me?”

The words came out mushy and hoarse. This was not how he had imagined his proposal but he was not risking being interrupted again.

“Yes.”

He was just about to kiss her, completely oblivion to where they were when Susan and The Prince Regent cut in.

Sidney was so happy he could burst.

“She said yes, Susan. She said yes!”

“I guessed as much. You were standing still on a moving dance floor.”

She smiled knowingly at him and Sidney laughed shyly and then turned serious again.

“Thank you, Susan. For everything.”

“Ah, I didn’t do much. Just a bit of nudging.”

In the carriage back Sidney and Charlotte sat next to each other. They hadn’t told Babington and Esther yet but Esther could tell.

“It looks like you two finally finished an important conversation.”

Babington looked surprised. Sidney laughed.

“Yes.”

His voice was hoarse and broke a little and Charlotte felt her body react to the deep and vulnerable vibrato. Little sparks set her body on fire as he braided his little finger with hers and she kept her breath afraid to moan loudly.

“Then don’t. Finish our conversation.”

Sidney happily repeated Charlotte’s words in his mind. She had always expressed herself clearly. He could feel her pulse beat faster when he reached out for her little finger and his side glances noticed her heaving chest and blushing cheeks. His own pulse followed hers in pace, she was Charlotte, she had said yes and soon she would be his wife. Sidney could feel himself blushing at the thought.

Back at Sanditon House Sidney kissed the back of Charlotte’s hand and escorted her up the stairs. He stopped and watched her walk into her room and then he went to his study.

Changed into her nightgown Charlotte sat on the edge of the bed and her fingers gently toyed with the small golden heart. She was happy beyond words and her body was burning. Her mind was replaying Sidney emerging from the water, Sidney running his finger down her back, Sidney proposing, Sidney caressing her little finger. Her heart was racing.

A small light flickered under the door and a piece of paper was pushed under.

My love,

I can feel my heart beating in your room.

Please meet me in my study. I promise I will behave like a gentleman.

Your husband to be,

Sidney

The note made her heart dance.

Chapter Text

The night of the proposal

It would take forever to get dressed again and Charlotte decided after a long inner discussion to just put on a beautiful blue brocade robe that Susan had given her. The fitted robe made her feel covered enough to meet Sidney. With her heart in her throat she tiptoed to his study. She knocked softly and Sidney opened the door and pulled her into his arms and a seductively slow kiss. He pushed the door shut behind her without breaking the kiss. He let his hands run down her sides until they found her hands. His face was still so close to hers after the kiss that his lips brushed hers for every heavy breath. He spoke and the words felt like kisses on her lips.

“My Charlotte.”

“My Sidney.”

She pulled back her head slightly to look into his eyes. They were full of love and something darker that made her blood race through her body and start little fires. He kissed her again, a soft loving kiss and took a step back. His eyes took her in.

“I had not planned to propose to you in public on a dance floor. I want to rewrite my proposal.”

He swallowed and kissed the back of her hands before he continued.

“My Charlotte. My love. My heart. I have spent my life thinking that I was destined to be unhappy, and that it would be best not to let anyone inside. I had lost everyone I loved and my heart had been broken so many times that I didn’t think it could ever love again and I was content to shield myself from the world. But then you came and the second I looked into your eyes the first time I knew I was in danger and I did everything I could to fight my feelings for you but my heart won. I never wanted to put myself in anyone’s power before. I never wanted to care for anyone other than myself. I hope that I am a different man now because I am totally in your power. I want to care for you and make you happy. For the first time in my life I feel truly happy and I am absolutely terrified but not as terrified as I was when I saw you drive away. You are the one, Charlotte. You brought me back.”

He paused again and held her hands to his lips to compose himself before gently letting go of them to take out a small box. He opened it and inside was a beautiful gold ring with a stunning forget-me-not flower made of sapphires, emerald and citrine.

“This was my mother’s wedding ring. I know you have already said yes, but I need to ask you again. To ask you properly. Will you marry me, Charlotte?”

She nodded; wet diamonds were sliding slowly down her cheeks.

“Yes. Yes, I will marry you.”

Her last word was spoken into his mouth as his lips found hers again. This time the kiss was longer. His tongue danced on her lips before it went inside to kiss the tip of her tongue. He nipped that delicate lower lip of hers with his lips and sucked it gently. She teased his tongue exploring the soft wonders of his mouth. He moaned slightly and pulled away slowly. If he didn’t stop now, he wouldn’t be able to.

He slid the ring on her finger and lifted her up and carried her to an armchair by the fireplace, he pulled another chair close for himself and sent her a teasing look.

“I promised you I would behave like a gentleman.

They sat there for a while just taking each other in. Not a word was spoken. The light from the fire made Charlotte look like pure gold and Sidney let his eyes wonder down her body. She could feel his eyes move on her and she noticed his eyes widen as they discovered her bare feet. Heat rose to her cheeks.

“I forgot to put my slippers on.”

Her voice was so innocent.

“They got a bit cold.”

“Here, allow me...”

Sidney’s voice was barely audible. He had never seen the bare feet of a woman before. Not even at the boarding house. Charlotte’s feet were soft and pink and so different from his. He wrapped his warm hands around them and pulled them up into his lap. She gasped. Sidney swallowed a moan; he hadn’t considered that the movement would make her nightgown reveal two beautiful ankles and the soft silky skin of her lower leg. He shifted in his chair and tried very hard to focus on the task at hand; carefully massaging the heat back into her feet. He started in the safe end – as if there was any safe part on Charlotte’s body – and rubbed her toes but his thumbs had their own mind and wandered off to stroke the skin just above the ankle.

Charlotte was mesmerized. His hands felt so hot against her cold feet and she wanted them to touch her all over. She tried to control her breathing but sometimes his touch stroked a chord in her and she let out a little gasp.

Sidney stopped himself. This was dangerous. He kept her feet in his warm hands but instructed his fingers, especially his thumbs that loved to stroke her naked skin in circles, to stay completely still. He coughed to clear his throat.

“Are you warm again?”

She nodded shyly. Warm...she was burning!

“Would it be alright if we talk about our new life together?”

Sidney desperately wanted to change to a safe activity. The gentleman thing would be to say goodnight but he was not ready to let go of her yet.

She nodded again.

“I cannot buy us a house yet. Most of my money is tied up here in Sanditon but I will rent us a house where ever you want to live.”

“I don’t care about the house; I could live in a barn as long as it is with you. Anywhere? Could it be here in Sanditon? Where we met, where we fell in love? I know you prefer London but could you conduct that part of your business from here?”

“Charlotte, I don’t prefer London. I was an outlier there as well. Sanditon was just a small town to me before you, now it is the place where I have felt the most at home but my home is where you are.”

She smiled happily.

“Then we shall live in Sanditon.”

“Then we shall.”

“Charlotte?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not sure how to ask this...”

She pushed her feet a little longer into his hands and made a little purring sound that stirred something dangerous in him. Focus, Sidney!

“Don’t think. Just ask.”

“Lady Denham has offered that we can live here at Sanditon House. She took me in when I didn’t know I needed her and I have grown quite fond of her. It is not about the money... I don’t want to make her lonely again... I want you to be happy and I want to be alone with you...to have our privacy...”

To her surprise he was blushing now and she found it very endearing. She pulled her feet out of his warm hands and missed his touch immediately but slid down from her chair to kneel between his long legs. She had in her mind imagined that they would be more face to face but it would have to do, she took his big hands in her small.

“I have seen how you and Lady Denham are around each other. It is confounding... (Sidney smiled) I have seen the sadness and the loneliness in both of you and I cannot imagine what it must feel to be that alone having grown up myself in a big and loving family. As for being alone...”

She bent her head to kiss the back of his hand. Her voice turned deeper and hoarser.

“I think that we have found that the house is big enough for us to have our privacy. I say yes to Sanditon House.”

Sidney let his finger trail the contours of her face. She closed her eyes and her lips parted slightly.

“You are so beautiful, Charlotte.”

She more felt than heard his voice and opened her eyes to meet his that had turned almost black.

“I want you to have your heart back.”

“It belongs to you.”

“I know but I want you to feel how it beats when I touch you like mine does when you touch me.”

She took his hand and pressed the palm of it against her chest. Her heart was racing and he could feel the rhythm of her heartbeat vibrate in every fiber of his body. He was dizzy with desire. Her eyes were so pure and innocent, if she only knew what she did to him.

He slid down on his knees before her and placed her hand on his chest. Their hearts found each other’s rhythm after a few heartbeats. Boom Boom. Boom Boom. Boom Boom.

“Charlotte, we should say goodnight while I still have an ounce of gentleman left in me.”

What would you wish me then?

Chapter Text

The day after the proposal

Charlotte nor Sidney hardly slept that night. Both floating on air. And the meeting in Sidney’s study didn’t exactly aspire sleep neither.

Dressed and ready to face the world Charlotte opened her door only to find Sidney leaning against the wall in the hallway waiting for her. His eyes were dark and piercing and she felt the heat flooding through her body and blushed as she recalled his kiss and his embrace.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long.”

His bright smile made her legs melt. Was she ever going to be able to act normally around him?

“How long?”

“Less than an hour.”

She laughed.

“I wanted us to meet Lady Denham together. And to do this!”

He framed her against the wall with his arms and kissed her. The second his tongue brushed her lips she wanted to drag him into her room...

“Good morning, Miss Heywood.”

“Good morning, Mr. Parker.”

They entered the breakfast room together. Lady Denham was already there, sipping her tea and ass’ milk while giving orders to a footman on how to fill her plate.

Sidney went to her side, took her hand and placed a small kiss on the back of it.

“Lady Denham, I think you will be more than happy to meet my fiancée!”

Lady Denham did her best to hide how delighted she was.

“You were right, Charlotte. You did not choose wealth; Sidney is nearly as poor as my vile relatives. But I forgive him. It took you both long enough. When is the wedding?”

“Fourteen days from now.”

Sidney answered with stoic calmness. Charlotte turned her head to him and arched an eyebrow.

“A fortnight? My fath...”

“Your father and I made all the arrangements when I visited early December. We agreed that two weeks from the moment you said yes would suffice. I have written him this morning to let him know that it only took me close to six weeks to wear you down.”

“You make it sound as if you placed a bet.”

Sidney winked at her.

“We did!”

For once Charlotte was lost for words. Her father was not a betting man. She didn’t know whether to scold Sidney or laugh with him. Because he was crying from laughter and so was Lady Denham.

“Well... Well who won?”

“He did of course. Something about you being stubborn and opinionated. I had hoped for Mrs. Maudsley’s ball.”

Charlotte was opting for seeing the humor in her father and Sidney betting.

“And what was the prize?”

“A bottle of brandy. We finished his last one!”

Sidney had to lean on a chair. He was laughing so hard. It was obvious that Charlotte didn’t know which way to swing her reaction.

In the end she started laughing too.

When they had all calmed down a bit Sidney escorted Charlotte to the table and pulled out a chair next to his.

“Lady D, would it be presumptuous of me to assume that your offer to let Charlotte and I live here with you still stands?”

“It would but you are welcome just the same. And you will have your wedding here as well.”

Charlotte was about to protest but Sidney grabbed her hand under the table and squeezed it to let her know that that had been settled as well with her father. She looked at him with a mix of amusement and annoyance.

After breakfast Charlotte and Sidney walked to Sanditon to post letters for Charlotte’s family. Snow made everything glitter in a sparkling white and it was beautiful and magical. It was the perfect setting for Charlotte’s curls, her smile, her sparkling eyes. In fact, Sidney could come up with multiple excuses to suddenly stop and kiss her.

The post office was packed with people and Charlotte stayed outside.

“Miss Heywood!”

She turned around and smiled.

“Lord Courtland!”

His face looked cheerful with a hint of sadness.

“I hear congratulations are in order though I am sad to learn that I was too late.”

“If you had not been too late, Lord Courtland, you would have been too early. I do not fall in love easily.”

He looked a little surprised.

“It was not love at first sight?”

“Quite the opposite. We could not be in the same place for five minutes without starting an argument. I think it is safer to say that we grew in love rather than fell in love.”

“He is a very lucky man.”

Lord Courtland took her hand and kissed the back of her gloved hand gallantly.

“Very lucky indeed, Lord Courtland. Nice to meet you again. “

They bowed.

“I hope that you both will join us this summer at Denham Place. The Prince and I have decided on a shooting contest, Mr. Parker. We shoot in teams.”

“Only if I can team up with Miss Heywood!”

The Lord looked amused.

“Miss Heywood?! Well, if you choose so.”

“I do, she can shoot a rabbit 700 feet away dead. You and The Prince don’t stand a chance!”

Lord Courtland took dramatically to his heart.

“You are a good shot as well, Miss Heywood? You are breaking my heart.”

They laughed and parted.

“I am beginning to think that I am lucky to have won your heart, Miss Heywood. You seem to leave a trail of broken hearts.”

He was half joking half serious. She stopped and took his hands, not giving a fig that they were in the middle of the street.

“Let’s get something very clear, Mr. Parker. You didn’t win me. I am not a prize to be won. You did however work very hard for me and that tells me a great deal about what kind of love I can expect from you. It concerns me though that you are also a gambling man. I shall have a serious word with my father about that!”

Sidney laughed. He could remember the last time he had laughed and smiled so much. If ever.

“Well then.”

“Well then.”

The smile they sent each other was filled with tease and desire. They started walking back to Sanditon House.

“Miss Heywood?”

“Mr. Parker.”

"I very much enjoyed our conversation yesterday in my study.”

“Me too.”

“If you need me to warm your feet again you only need to say the word. I shall be happy to oblige in your needs. It has after all been a cold walk.”

“That is good to know, Mr. Parker.”

“Fourteen days...”

“Fourteen days...”

Chapter Text

The day after the proposal, later in the evening

When the house had turned quiet Charlotte headed for Sidney’s study. For some reason she was more nervous this time. Her body was already burning and longing for his touch and her lips longed for his kiss.

She knocked softly on the door but no answer and she opened it ajar. He was sitting behind his desk concentrated. His hair was a bit ruffled, his sleeves rolled up, no waistcoat and no cravat. It wasn’t until she had crept into the room and pushed the door carefully shut behind her that he looked up. His face lit up in one of his dazzling bright smiles. He pushed his chair back and motioned her to come closer. As soon as he could reach her, he pulled her in, wrapped his strong arms around her waist and buried his head in her.

“God, you smell so good, Charlotte.”

Her legs were already giving in and she leaned against him driving her fingers through his soft brown hair.

“Is something wrong, Sidney?”

There was a slight tremble in her voice. He shook his head against her stomach.

“No. But I have to go to London to finish the paperwork from the auction.”

Charlotte could feel a knot tighten in her stomach. London had not brought anything but heartbreak. Sidney squeezed her tighter.

“I know the wedding is close but I cannot leave you again. Will you come with me?”

He looked up at her. The knot loosened and turned into a swirl of relief and love. He felt the same way as her!.

She bent her head and kissed him.

“Yes.”

“Thank you. I’ll ask Lady Denham to go with us. We can hardly travel alone, though...”

They both blushed and laughed shyly.

“Now, Miss Heywood. How are your feet?”

“Cold.”

I hope you're enjoying yourself

Chapter Text

Three days after the proposal

It was a biting cold but beautiful morning as the three of them were setting off for London. Sidney had had the carriage packed with furs, warm blankets and pillows, he helped Lady Denham inside and tucked a warm blanket around her.

“Stop fussing, Sidney. I am perfectly warm as it is!”

“Lady Denham, I let you order me around when we are at home but when we are in a carriage, I make the decisions!”

His voice was thundering and Lady Denham let him wrap her, mumbling complaints and rolling her yes. He turned to Charlotte waiting to get in.

“Am I going to have to fight you too?”

“Oh no, I have learned when not to walk into one of your tongue lashings, Mr. Parker!”

Her voice was teasing and he suddenly felt quite outnumbered. He jumped out of the carriage and lifted her in. She sat herself across from Lady Denham and winked at her.

“Do I wrap myself in, Mr. Parker, or do you prefer to do the job yourself?”

She and Lady Denham giggled and Sidney rolled his eyes.

“Well, since you do not seem to take the cold seriously, I better!”

He took a blanket and wrapped it around her letting his hands linger on her sides, pressing his fingers against the small of her back. His face was close enough for her to feel his breath on her skin and hear him whisper.

“We don’t want your feet to get cold, do we, Miss Heywood?”

His lips brushed against her ear and she instantly lost the upper hand. Sidney sat down next to her looking pleased and knocked the side to signal the driver. He found her hand under the blanket and squeezed it.

It didn’t take long before Lady Denham dozed off and her head dangled in what looked like an uncomfortable position, Sidney moved to the seat next to her and gently placed a pillow to support her head before returning to his seat again. He pulled Charlotte into his arms and she leaned against his chest making a little purring sound. They didn’t speak, he just stroked her arms with his hands and buried his nose in her curls.

Darkness had fallen by the time they reached the inn for the night. Sidney jumped out first, he stretched his stiff limbs before he helped out Charlotte and Lady Denham, offering the latter at his arm to escort her inside.

“Three rooms for the night, please!”

“Sir, we only have but two...”

The young maid looked apologetic. Lady Denham spoke in her normal commanding manner.

“We shall be fine. Mr. and Mrs. Parker can easily do with one room for one night!”

The maid sent Lady Denham a grateful smile and went to prepare the rooms. Lady Denham turned to Charlotte and Sidney who both stood dumbfounded.

“Argh, don’t look so shocked. I am too old to want to share a bed and you two are too young and in love to not want to. It is a practical solution and I trust you to behave practically, Sidney!”

Sidney nodded with a bow. Charlotte’s cheeks were blushing. Sharing a bed a whole night was completely different than sharing passionate kisses and touches. The young girl returned to show them to their rooms and she told them the menu as well, but Charlotte didn’t hear a single word, her blood was racing through her veins.

When it was time to retire for the night Sidney let Charlotte go to the room first and change for the night with the help of the young maid. She was under the covers when he entered the room.

“Are you alright, Charlotte?”

“Yes, this just feels so much more intimate than our meetings in your study, Sidney. And I am not quite sure how to behave.”

“I agree. I shall behave like a gentleman... a true gentleman!”

His emphasis made them both laugh and he could see Charlotte relax a little. He undressed behind the screen, climbed under the covers and blew the candle out. The darkness helped a little and Charlotte snuggled into his embrace. He kissed her softly first on the lips then on her forehead. Her breathing calmed down and she let out a little content sigh.

“How will we sleep, Sidney? Do you prefer to have your own bedroom?”

“Not a chance. I want to fall asleep like this every night with you in my arms and wake up thus.”

“Me too. My parents have always shared bedroom, I don’t even think they have spent a single night apart in the years they have been married.”

“Neither will we.”

“Sidney?”

“Yes.”

“I love you!”

“I love you too. So much.”

Sidney held her; his lips pressed against her forehead. He was terrified to let his hands wander too much on her tempting body. There was only two layers of thin fabric between them and her body fit so perfectly against his. He stayed like that for hours after she had fallen asleep, just enjoying the intimacy of her sleeping in his arms.

He woke up early the next morning in a state that was not gentleman like. She was still sound asleep and he gently unwrapped himself of her. When she woke up an hour later, he was gone and she felt a pang of disappointment. There was a note for her on his pillow.

Darling Charlotte,

Goodmorning. You slept so peacefully and I didn’t want to wake you. Your warm body was too tempting for me to stay in the same bed with you any longer.

Come down for breakfast when you are ready, I will wait for you.

Your loving gentleman,

Sidney

She laughed with blushing cheeks and hurried to get dressed.

Lady Denham was up as well and sitting at the table with Sidney when she came down.

“How did you sleep, Charlotte?”

“Very well, Ma’am. And yourself?”

“Sufficiently. I do not care for inns. And how did you behave, Sidney?”

“Very practically, Lady Denham.”

“Good. Good.”

The temperature was even colder this morning and Sidney repeated his routine from the day before and wrapped Lady Denham in warm furs. She did not complain this time. After a few hours' of ice cold drive he pulled out a flask from a small back and three small silver glasses.

“Here, it’s brandy.”

Charlotte had never had alcohol that strong before and the liquid burned her throat and she twitched with a gasp. Lady Denham laughed.

“You sound like an ass, Charlotte.”

“Thank you, Lady Denham. I take that as a compliment since I know how fond you are of them.”

Sidney poured them another shot laughing before putting the flask back in his bag and pull out a book. It was poems by Wordsworth. He read out loud to them and Lady Denham and Charlotte were both swooning. 

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced;
but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

His voice was dark and sensual and Charlotte had trouble breathing normally.

The travelling three arrived a Bedford Place just in time for dinner, spirits high from the brandy and poems.

After saying goodnight to Lady Denham Sidney took Charlotte’s hand and led her into his study and kissed her ardently before escorting her to her room.

How do you do, Miss Heywood?

Chapter Text

Five days after the proposal

Next morning Lady Denham asked Sidney to accompany her to her solicitor. Well, commanded more likely but Sidney accepted the order with a smile.

“I will call on Lady Susan and meet you both back here.”

Lady Denham and Sidney took off first and soon found themselves in the rather gloomy office of Lady Denham’s solicitor through a lifetime. Mr. Bennet was a kind looking man with intelligent eyes, there was a slight sarcastic tease in his voice and Sidney could see why Lady Denham preferred him to the local solicitor in Sanditon.

“Lady Denham! I must say that I am somewhat intrigued by the content of your latest letter but I believe I have found a satisfying solution for you.”

“Thank you, Mr. Bennet. Mr. Parker, please sit down. This concerns you too in some way after all. Or do you prefer to not be in the know?”

The look she gave him made Sidney realize that this meeting would be about Charlotte.

“I’ll stay if you want me to, Lady Denham. And leave if I need to.”

She nodded contentedly. They all sat.

“As I wrote to you, Mr. Bennet, I want Miss Charlotte Heywood to be my sole heiress. But I want her to be in charge of the legacy regardless of marriage.”

Sidney smiled.

“Yes, Lady Denham. I have looked into the options here. I suggest we place all buildings and land in a foundation controlled by Miss Heywood but not directly owned by her thus keeping it out of the shared fortune by marriage. We can split the finances into a personal fortune that remains hers despite marriage and let the rest be – how shall we put it – a sort of dowry that goes into the marriage. This last part would however demand that the husband to be signs a prenuptial to set aside standard legislation. I guess that is why you are here, Mr. Parker?”

Luckily Mr. Bennet didn’t expect Sidney to answer.

“That will do very nicely, Mr. Bennet. How do you feel about this, Mr. Parker? Will you still marry Miss Heywood knowing that one day she will exceed your wealth?”

Sidney cleared his throat.

“You know, I would marry Miss Heywood on the spot no matter her financial situation.”

“Very well then. Can Mr. Parker sign the papers before getting the license?”

“He can, his signature will not be valid until he does though. But if you get the license today, Mr. Parker, I don’t see any harm.”

Sidney and Lady Denham signed the documents required.

“Mr. Bennet, have you sorted out the other matter of hand?”

“I have indeed, Lady Denham.”

He handed her a thick sealed folder.

“I have a copy just in case...”

They both knew what the case could be. After a few pleasantries they said their goodbyes and Sidney escorted Lady Denham out to the carriage.

“Oh, don’t look so happy, Mr. Parker. I do not plan to die for years to come. Who knows I may even outlive you both! Now, let us go get that license.”

Sidney laughed and squeezed her hand still holding his arm in the carriage.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you did. And it would make me happy.”

***

Meanwhile Charlotte was sitting in Susan’s parlor sipping tea and blushing under Susan’s knowing glances.

“And how does it work being engaged and living under the same roof? Does he behave himself?”

“He does...”

“I sense a but...”

“I find it difficult to behave naturally around him. He stirs a fire in me – sometimes just by talking. We...”

Charlotte’s cheeks were a burning red now. Her voice meek but with a confidential amusement in it.

Susan laughed.

“Ah, yes. Love is as I told you a decease you cannot control and with love comes desire. Luckily you are only days away and if you tread carefully, I see no harm in seeking... a little remedy. It will make the wedding night much more pleasurable and less... shall we say awkward?”

Charlotte had her eyes fixed on the tea cup. Satisfied Susan changed the subject.

“Since you are in town, I must insist on two things. You will all join my dinner party tomorrow; The Prince Regent and Lord Courtland will be there to mention some – and I owe to tell you Mrs. Campion too but she will be harmless, I promise. And that I get to treat you with a wedding trousseau and wedding dress. Before you say that it is all too much let me say, that it is not and I am pleased to have someone to spoil rotten. You are doing me a great favor by letting me.”

Charlotte sighed.

“We would love to come, Mrs. Campion present or not. And I will let you spoil me but please remember that sitting here and having tea with you is more than enough for me.”

“I know. Since you are only here for a few days I will have my modiste come by this afternoon. Stay for lunch and I will have you back for dinner.”

Before Charlotte could protest or answer Susan had given a footman orders to bring a note to Bedford Place.

If Charlotte thought she was done blushing she was wrong. Susan had very particular ideas about the more delicate items for the trousseau and so she returned slightly flustered and overwhelmed to Bedford Place in time for dinner.

Dinner was pleasant filled with the normal banter between the three and afterwards they sat in the parlor.

“By the way. Lady Susan invited us all to a dinner party tomorrow.”

“I don’t care much for London dinner parties but you two go. I trust I can leave you alone for a short drive, ay Sidney?”

“Of course, Lady Denham. I shall be a very practical gentleman.”

“Good, be a practical gentleman now and fetch me the folder from the solicitor!”

Sidney got up and went to his study where Lady Denham had already arranged a comfortable chair by the fireplace like at home. The two of them had been sitting there all afternoon sorting out business affairs while waiting for Charlotte to return. He returned with the folder and handed it to her but she waved her hand.

“It is for the two of you. A wedding gift.”

Sidney immediately handed the folder to Charlotte as if it had got nothing to do with him. Lady Denham impatiently motioned her to open it. Charlotte broke the seal carefully and took out the documents, flipped through them and looked like a big question mark.

“What is this?”

“I am giving you Denham Place. Not to live in of course, Sanditon House is your home. The profits from renting out the place falls to the company but the building and surrounding land now belongs to you along with the earnings of the land and the woods.”

Charlotte’s eyes were shining with tears.

“But this is...”

“Yes yes, enough of that. I have arranged with Mr. Stringer that they will have the place ready for you to spend your honeymoon in. I think it will do better than Sidney’s study.”

Charlotte and Sidney felt revealed and both blushed. How could she know about their meetings? Lady Denham didn’t she had just meant it as a joke in contrast to going to say Paris for a honeymoon but they didn’t know that. Not short after did Lady Denham retire for the night. It had been a long and straining day but she was happy with the outcome. Things were falling into place.

Sidney and Charlotte remained in the parlor. None of them wanted to open a conversation about what Lady Denham might or might not know. Sidney did however dare to pull Charlotte close to him.

“Clara and Edward, I understand, but what about Esther? She is after all in Lady Denham’s bloodline.”

“Esther knows about all this and supports it. She was secured by marriage and didn’t need the protection of Lady Denham’s legacy. As long as Edward and Clara didn’t inherit anything.”

“What do you mean, all this? There is more?”

Sidney sighed.

“Truth is that I am not sure that I am at liberty to share the information but I have promised never to keep anything from you again. She brought me to her solicitor today...she wanted to change her will. To fit the current circumstances...”

He paused trying to find the right words.

“Is she leaving everything to you?”

“No, Charlotte. To you. She is leaving everything to you. She needed me there because she wanted me to sign a document keeping you in control of your fortune when you inherit despite being married to me.”

“But why? She is so much closer to you than me.”

“Because like all of us she knows that you are the warrior. The one that will keep it all together and bring us all back from the mess we made. She loves us both but she trusts you with her legacy, with the future of Sanditon.”

He hugged her tighter and kissed her forehead.

“It is quite overwhelming.”

“I know. But for a young frivolous woman you do make a good account of yourself on a daily basis. You are very... capable.”

She laughed shyly. Her laughter stunned when his lips found hers.

Chapter Text

Six days after the proposal

Sidney knocked on Charlotte’s door early morning. She opened the door ajar only in her nightgown and a big shawl. He wondered if he would ever be able to look into her big beautiful brown sparkling eyes without skipping a heartbeat or losing his breath?

“I should have mentioned it yesterday but would you mind joining me today on my round to settle the last details from the auction?”

“I would love to but do you think I’m capable?”

“You, my love, are the most capable person I have ever met. It is your business too after all.”

“Give me a moment and I will get dressed.”

She looked around to check if they were alone and then stood on her toes to kiss him. It was over in a heartbeat but it was enough to make him lightheaded and smile all the way to the breakfast room. Lady Denham was already eating.

“You look very happy this morning, Sidney!”

“I do so every morning when I am greeted by your soft eyes and gentle voice, Lady Denham. You are like summer rain to a thirsting soul.”

He winked at her. She laughed girlish.

“Oh, you are a sly man, Sidney Parker!”

“Indeed, I am, Ma’am.”

He kissed the back of her hand and sat down next to her. His slyness disappeared like water on a hot stove when Charlotte entered the room. She looked stunning. A midnight blue velvet dress with matching spencer, the thick exquisite fabric followed her curves and made her look even softer and warmer. The dark color brought out the golden spots in her eyes and her rosy cheeks. A pair of simple pearl earrings dangled from her earlobes – on of his many favorite spots on her body. Her curls were in a simple updo that still made her look like Charlotte walking the cliff road but also gave her an assertive air. In short, she looked royal.

Sidney almost knocked over his chair to help her sit down. He forgot to eat, speak or even breathe.

She was a bit nervous about the day but managed to eat and chat with Lady Denham. Sidney’s dark gaze was disturbing but also gave her confidence that she very much looked the part. Thank you, Susan, she thought to herself.

It was a tour in a man’s world. Big offices with dark wooden panels, heavy furniture and ditto smell of cigars and brandy. Her presence seemed to throw the bankers and solicitors off guard. First dismissing her for looking young and frivolous but when she had spoken or asked a question, Sidney could swear that some of them were nearly swooning over his Charlotte. The last meeting was with the bank and Sidney hated that place. It reminded him of everything mistake that he had had to sort out on behalf of Tom and he felt small as they were shown into Mr. Hoare’s office.

Mr. Hoare was a tall man with a long face, neither handsome nor unattractive. Just plain ordinary bordering to look very forgettable.

“Hello, Mr. Parker and...?”

“This is Miss Heywood, Mr. Hoare.”

“Ah, yes. Would you prefer to wait outside, Miss Heywood? This talk may be a bit boring for you.”

“How kind of you to care in such a gentleman like manner about my entertainment, Mr. Hoare, but I assure you that I will be quite alright where I am... Ah, yes please!”

She took the glass of brandy that Mr. Hoare was actually handing to Sidney and took a big sip without giving away any expression. Sidney did his best not to laugh or kiss her. She was amazing.

Defeated in round one Mr. Hoare motioned them to sit down on the two chairs in front of his desk. Charlotte opened the ball.

“Mr. Hoare, we are here to finalize the financial papers from the auction that we held a week ago. It went better than expected and we need to find the best way to place the money in the company.”

“Ah, yes. The project in Sanditon. The one with all the debt and unstable financial management.”

“That was the case, but not anymore, Mr. Hoare. As you may have found when you prepared yourself for this meeting (she relied on that he hadn’t) this prospect is now handled by a company founded by investors who have the necessary capital and skills to continue the turn around. The auction was merely the beginning of financial growth.”

Sidney looked with admiration at the experienced fifty-year-old male tough negotiator disguised as a fearless beautiful woman in her early twenties. Charlotte continued.

“Mr. Hoare, may I speak freely? (she didn’t wait for a reply) We are not here to discuss past debts. We are here to find out if your bank is the best choice of partner for the road ahead. Given that you have stood by the Parker’s during difficult times we found that it would be only reasonable to let you come up with an offer of what you can contribute with – should we choose to stay with you.”

Sidney had leaned back in his chair and enjoyed that for once he was not the dumbfounded fool standing in the receiving end of Charlotte’s razor-sharp arguments. Mr. Hoare gulped his brandy.

“Miss Heywood, was it? Tell me more about the company.”

Charlotte told him about the executive board, the members and the numbers. Sidney supplied with his role and the pipeline of the development. At some point Charlotte rose from her chair to walk around the intimidating large desk and map out Sanditon and the various phases of the development on the back of a newspaper. When she sat down again Sidney could tell that Mr. Hoare was as intrigued by her as every other man who had met her was.

“Miss Heywood, what is your role in all this?”

Mr. Hoare had turned his chair in Charlotte’s direction and was close to ignoring Sidney’s presence.

“I own fifty percent of Denham Place. Renting for season stays is only one revenue stream. There is also some land and woods. Lady Worchester wish to remain a silent investor and I represent her in the board and maintain her investment.”

Mr. Hoare looked impressed.

“How old are you, Miss Heywood?”

“Not twenty-three. But I struggle to see the relevance. Is business understanding limited to men with more than fifty winters?”

Sidney was sitting in his chair, resting his head in his hand, legs crossed, and enjoying himself.

“Ehm, no, Miss Heywood. I guess not. I haven’t really thought of it that way.”

“Well then, Mr. Hoare. We are returning to Sanditon tomorrow. Can we expect you to get back to us in writing no later than 7 business days from now? I think it would be proper for you to come visit Sanditon should we both wish to continue our partnership.”

She turned to Sidney.

“Do you have anything to add, Mr. Parker?”

Sidney waved his hand with a short grin.

“No, Miss Heywood, I think you pretty much covered it all.”

Mr. Hoare got up from his chair and offered Charlotte his arm.

“Let me see you to your carriage, Miss Heywood. It has been an absolute pleasure to meet you.”

Sidney trotted along after them like a third wheel.

Outside Mr. Hoare helped Charlotte up and kissed the back of her hand. He almost closed the carriage door shut before Sidney who had to clear his throat to discretely remind Mr. Hoare that he was still there.

The second they were out of Mr. Hoare’s sight Sidney kissed Charlotte. A long passionate kiss that left them both gasping for air.

“I think you have a new fan, Charlotte. What on earth got into you in there? If we could have stayed on the current terms, I would have been more than happy but I think you just negotiated us a business partner.”

“I’m sorry. He provoked me when he dismissed me like that. I really don’t like to be disempowered like that!”

“Trust me, I know! And like me I very much doubt that he will dare make that mistake again. You were wonderful.”

The rest of carriage drive back to Bedford Place was a messy thing with lips and hands not being where they ought to be.

Charlotte hurried upstairs to ready for the dinner party. Sidney stood at the bottom of the stairs and followed her with his eyes. Lady Denham came out from the library.

“How did it go?”

“You chose well, Lady Denham. We both did. She won them over one by one, as she has you and me.”

Later they both stood there again watching Charlotte as she walked down the stairs. Sidney first noticed her eyes, the were sparkling more than ever. Then his mother’s heart necklace lolling on her bosom when she moved. She wore a deep red velvet dress that shimmered into a deep burgundy, long ivory gloves that left just a bit of bare skin before the cap sleeve. The neckline revealed more of her collarbone and another little beauty mark. Again, her hair was in a loose updo leaving some of her curls to cascade down behind her left ear.

“She is very handsome... and you would be too if you closed your mouth, Mr. Parker!”

She squeezed his arm with a short laugh and returned to the library.

“Enjoy yourself, children!”

Like the dinner in December the guestlist at Lady Susan’s showed social precision like a clockwork. Lord Courtland was there and could hardly hide his delight to see Charlotte again nor his admiration of her. Sidney was happy that as his fiancée she could keep her arm in his and even more so that she did. It didn’t stop Lord Courtland who had not forgotten Charlotte’s repute as a good shot. He had come up to them with The Prince Regent.

“I fear we may have to admit our defeat in advance, dear friend. Rumor has it that we don’t stand a chance against Miss Heywood – and from what I hear you are not too bad a shot yourself, Mr. Parker?”

The Prince Regent let out a rumbling laugh.

“I have only met you a few times, Miss Heywood, but from what I have seen, I would not be surprised that you can beat me in shooting as well as debating.”

Though Susan liked to stretch the boundaries of decorum she could hardly let Sidney sit next to Charlotte and so Sidney had to once again watch Charlotte and Lord Courtland converse and laugh. This time at least he was in a milder mood. He had the pleasure of Susan and she was as always, an intelligent and interesting table companion. His eyes could not help but monitor Eliza, she was staring at Charlotte and he was prepared to fight her if she attacked Charlotte.

Susan knew what she was doing and dinner was a joyous event with heated debates, humorous banter and deep conversation.

After dinner Sidney was held back by Susan and The Prince Regent when the party retired to the music room for entertainment. When he finally came in, he could see Charlotte sitting next to Eliza. She caught his eye and signaled discretely that she was alright though Sidney could tell they were not just making friendly conversation.

“Am I ever to get away from you, Miss Heywood?”

“You know Lady Worchester who is a dear friend of mine and it can hardly surprise you that our paths cross.”

“That is not what I mean.”

“Then you have to explain yourself, Mrs. Campion.”

“I have lost to you again.”

“How so?”

“I am in love.”

“That is wonderful for you but how does that involve me? Unless you are talking about Mr. Parker but I am sensing that you are not.”

Charlotte could see Eliza’s jaw clench but also some sadness in her eyes. She placed her hand on top of hers.

“Mrs. Campion, we are not exactly friends and are probably not likely to become so. But please tell me why you think you have lost to me because I am confused here.”

Eliza swallowed and her lips turned into a thin line.

“I find myself in love with Lord Courtland.”

Lord Courtland was sending longing eyes in the direction of Charlotte.

“Oh.”

“I do not know why your innocence and simple nature seems to turn the head of every man you meet. But I am tired of losing to you!”

Eliza’s eyes were darting angrily at Charlotte

“I am exhausted, Mrs. Campion. Exhausted of you putting me on a pedestal only to make it your quest to knock me down from it. I am a great deal less than perfect – as you have pointed out to me so many times. I speak my mind too freely. I am too opinionated. And I rely way too much on my judgement. But I do try to be kind and honest. If I win hearts and turn heads as you put it, it is not because of who I am but how I behave – and behavior is a choice! You can start with trying to be civil. Where you divide people, you meet into either prizes or opponents, I treat them like they are a new friend. If you truly are in love with Lord Courtland, I suggest that you stop looking at him like something you want to win - and you would do me a great service if you stopped treating me as your enemy. I am not. From my experience Lord Courtland falls in love very easily – he could probably fall out of love at the same speed. You are intelligent and beautiful, perhaps more intrigant than interesting in my experience. Try reading a book perhaps! Get to know him instead of trying him over. You can start by letting him get to know you, give something of yourself. You may be surprised.”

Charlotte sighed. Her voice had been firmer and angrier than intended, as if she was scolding a misbehaving child. This day had been very long already and she was tired.

Eliza looked deflated, her lower lip trembled slightly and Charlotte felt almost sorry for her. She got up and held out her hand.

“Come.”

Arm in arm with Eliza she walked over to Lord Courtland who could not have demonstrated more clearly how smitten he was by Charlotte.

“Lord Courtland, Mrs. Campion and I were just discussing your trip to the continent and she was debating whether Paris or Venice is the most romantic spot on Earth but alas I have been to neither of those places. I can tell you which writer or thinker I would prefer but that would hardly suffice.”

Lord Courtland was more than happy to oblige in such conversation and soon he and Mrs. Campion were in a passionate debate about the wonders of Europe and Charlotte slowly drifted away to find Sidney.

“If you don’t mind please take me home.”

“With pleasure.”

He placed a lingering kiss at the back of her hand.

When they were in the solitude of the carriage Charlotte snuggled into Sidney’s embrace and sighed relieved and content.

“Do you want to tell me what happened with Mrs. Campion?”

“She is in love.”

“Well, I am happy for her.”

“With Lord Courtland.”

“Oh...”

“Yes.”

“And she has noticed how he looks at you?”

“Yes.”

Charlotte sounded embarrassed. Sidney placed a kiss on her head.

“How did you go from that discussion to walking arm in arm.”

“I told her to be civil.”

Sidney laughed.

“Poor Eliza, I know that speech!”

Come on, Admiral

Chapter Text

8 days after the proposal

The journey home from London was cold and uneventful. To Sidney and Charlotte’s regret the overnight inn had three rooms available.

They talked about Sanditon, the company and the wedding. Sidney excelled again by reading to his two ladies and treating them to brandy. And on the second day of travelling they reached Sanditon House late afternoon. Lady Denham was tired and just wanted a hot bath, a tray with dinner and a glass of ass’ milk brought to her room. Charlotte and Sidney found themselves alone in the big dining room and it was a rather new and intimate experience.

“So, Miss Heywood. Any observations on the assembled company?”

He sent her a boyish smile. She laughed.

“I find the company much approved. More kindly disposed towards me.”

Other than that, it was an unusually quiet dinner for the two. They were more preoccupied in gazing freely into each other’s eyes, both blushing adorably and thus not really able to find something interesting to say. But they enjoyed the experience non the less.

When they had finished the meal, Sidney got up and held out his hand to Charlotte.

“Come with me, I have something to show you.”

As they passed the mail table in the hallway, he added.

“Bring your mail with you.”

Hand in hand they walked to his study. Charlotte’s cheeks were turning into a burning red as she realized their destination. He placed her hand on the door knob and covered her eyes with his big warm hands and stepped close to her. She could feel his mouth near her ear and swayed slightly.

“I have a surprise for you. If you think it is too presumptuous of me, we can change it. Now open the door.”

She did and he gently led her inside, kissed the top of her head before removing his hands. She looked and gasped. A desk for her was placed opposite his. Fully equipped with quills, ink, writing pads, a letter box, folders and a globe. Two large candelabras lit up the table top. It was an equal work station to his.

“Oh, Sidney! How did you...?”

“Mr. Stringer helped me find a suitable desk and Lady Denhams footmen moved around while we were gone. I wanted it to be a surprise for you for when we returned from London.”

“I have never had my own desk before.”

Her voice was quiet and trembling.

“I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind sharing a study with me...and of course Lady Denham.”

He laughed shyly and drove his hand through his hair leaving it endearingly unruly. She pulled his head down and kissed him.

“Thank you. It is beautiful. I love it. All of it, including sharing the study with you. I cannot tell what this means to me.”

She was almost in tears; his gesture was considerate and full of love.

He wrapped his arms around her.

“I hope it means that you know how much I love and respect you. How much I value and seek your opinion. In fact, based on your conduct in London your desk should have been twice the size of mine.”

She leaned her head back in his embrace to meet his eyes. She was all laughter though a little moved and teary.

“I am quite content with us being equal partners. Besides with Lady Denham in the room you will be outnumbered anyway.”

“True. Now, Miss Heywood, please take a seat and read your mail.”

He pulled out the chair for her and pushed her gently in place and stroked her arms before walking to his desk. He sneaked to look at her. She was stroking the table top and admiring the carefully chosen items. He smiled to himself, she looked so happy and content.

Before long they were both deep in their pile of letters from the last three days. Sidney’s were the usual sorts but three letters stood out in Charlotte’s somewhat smaller bunch: a letter from her parents, a letter from Sidney! Her heart jumped with joy. And a thick letter from Mr. Hoare that made her heart jump into her throat. She decided to read them in that order.

Dear Charlotte

We are happy to hear the news and would be delighted to attend your wedding even though it is more than five miles away from Willingden. If you can have us all, we will arrive three days before the wedding and leave the day after.

Please let us know if that if that suits you.

Love,

Papa

She looked up with a surprised gasp. Sidney raised his head.

“Charlotte?”

“My parents! They are coming to the wedding and they are bringing all my siblings – if we can accommodate them.”

“Yes, I assured Mr. Heywood when I visited them that they would all be perfectly fine here for a few days. All of them. My intent back then was to take a room at the hotel. But now I will stay at Denham Place and make everything ready for my bride...”

He sent her a teasing look. She blushed.

“But Lady Denham!... my young siblings are not exactly used to being seen but not heard.”

“She is actually looking forward to it. In her own way. Besides, if she wants us to live with her, she would have to get used to children eventually.”

He sent her another teasing look, this time his eyes were darker. She blushed even more.

“Well, haven’t you sorted everything out? Equal partners, say you!?”

“Equal, yes! You can beat me in shooting and outsmart me in business. If I am going to stand a chance in this marriage, I have to insist on being allowed to surprise you and have these small moments where I catch you off guard for just a second.”

She sighed deeply.

“Good point, Mr. Parker. You shall hear nothing of it from now on.”

Smilingly they both returned to their letters, sneaking glances at each other. Charlotte opened the letter from Sidney. It was dated the day they had been to the solicitors and the bank; it must have arrived only this morning.

My amazing Charlotte,

You never seize to impress me. I fear today that you have left a trail of smitten men who got up this morning only to go to bed this evening not knowing what hit them. I know. You are like a whirlwind of wit, intelligence and courage. To them it must have felt like a tornado and I almost feel sorry for them. But only almost.

To use my own bland and non-sufficient words, you made a good account of yourself today.

You wanted me to have my heart back to feel how fast it beat when you touched me. I can tell you it beat fast today as well. We were both so proud of you and even more so that you have chosen us.

You are the only one...

I love you.

Your devoted admirer,

Sidney

PS. I hope you approve of our shared study!

PPS. When you read this, six more days...

She smoothed the paper to compose herself. Tears made her eyes sparkle even more. She whispered quietly.

“Thank you, Sidney.”

He was not sure what to do and remained seated. She wiped a few tears away and sent him a loving smile.

“Speaking of smitten men, there is a letter from Mr. Hoare. I saved it for last, I think we should open it together.”

Sidney got up from his chair and walked to her like he had done in the dining room.

“Come.”

She took his hand and he led her to the big armchair by the fireplace and pulled her into his lap. As she had with the letters from Sidney, she broke seal carefully not to tear the paper. She leaned her head against his chest and read the letter out loud.

Dear Miss Heywood,

I must say that you made a good and convincing case today. It was a pleasure to meet with you and I hope there will be more occasions in the future. A bottle of sherry is waiting for you just in case.

Enclosed you find our first draft on a business agreement and how our bank can be a trusted partner for your company.

As you said yourself, we should see Sanditon ourselves and we hope that our board of directors may impose on you in the middle of February. We look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Hoare

Sidney kissed her and almost forgot that they were in the middle of an important letter. Her lips were so plump and tempting and he couldn’t resist them. Reluctantly he pulled away and cleared his throat.

“I’m not sure that he even remembers that I was in his office with you. What does the draft say?”

She handed the papers to him and he skimmed the them and gasped.

“Charlotte, you devil! They have lowered the interest rates of our loans almost by half. They offer to handle any businesses in London on our behalf as a local trusted partner – within agreed boundaries of course. And they consider investing in Sanditon and have some ideas that they will share with us in February.”

He placed the papers on a small table next to the chair.

“We will write him tomorrow or the day after, we don’t want to seem too eager...”

She bit her lip and he got distracted. His hand moved up and his thumb stroked the spot just below her breast. His other hand cradled the back of her head and drew her into a tender kiss. He brushed his nose against hers as his lips grabbed her soft lower lip and played with it before his tongue started dancing with hers.

Six more days, you can do this, Parker! His inner gentleman reproved him and he leaned his forehead against hers as he always did when he was trying to rein his desire. They were both panting.

“Charlotte, you have to leave. I don’t trust myself right now and I don’t want you to think too badly of me.”

“I couldn’t think too badly of you without thinking too badly of myself.”

She placed his hand on her chest.

“Feel it, Sidney!”

He shifted in the chair and kissed her on the cheek before he stood up and let her slid down from his embrace.

“Come.”

Outside the study he kissed the back of her hand and bowed.

“Sweet dreams, Miss Heywood.”

“Sweet dreams, Mr. Parker.”

Six excruciatingly long days.

Chapter Text

Ten days after the proposal

Sidney had woken up early and walked to his secret cove for a morning swim in the lazy rising morning sun. It was a beautiful and frosty morning and he was an avid bather all year round but this morning he needed the swim to cool down his flaming desire. The expectations of soon making Charlotte his wife in every sense made it hard for him to concentrate about anything else.

He returned an hour later only to find that Lady Denham had ordered a tray to her room and Charlotte had requested a late morning.

Charlotte was sound asleep when Sidney slid under the covers and spooned her. She shrieked when his ice-cold body front touched her sleepy warm back.

“Ssssshh, my love.”

“Sidney!”

“I just needed to feel the warmth of your body and then I will sneak out again.”

She turned and wrapped herself around him and showered warm soft kisses on his face ending with his lips. They allowed themselves a long series of passionate and lingering kisses before Charlotte got out of bed and opened the door ajar to check the hallway. She signaled that the coast was clear and Sidney left with a cheeky smile.

“Four more days...”

“Four more days...”

During the morning a carriage rode up filled with an overwhelming number of trunks – it was Charlotte’s wedding trousseau from Lady Susan “plus a little extra” as the note said. They were all brought to her room and she browsed carefully through the many exquisite dresses.

There were two boxes were marked with a note: For the wedding day and For the wedding night.

The wedding dress was stunning. Layer upon layer of organza over an under dress made of golden white silk. Small flowers and butterflies were embroidered in gold and pale rose. Charlotte blushed deeply when she opened the box for the wedding night. Inside was a beautiful nightdress in silk woven so thin it was almost transparent. She held it up against the light and without trying it on she could see that the scattered embroidered flowers were placed to emphasize rather than cover the three most delicate parts of her body. The thought of how the sight of her in it would affect Sidney made her blood race through her body like a wildfire. Then she wondered if she would even make it from the wedding dress to the nightdress before... and that train of thought made her gasp.

Charlotte spent the rest of the day with Lady Denham, Mary and the newly arrived visibly pregnant Esther. The foursome were finishing the last details for the wedding and getting ready for the Heywood family to arrive the following day. Sidney had moved his things to Denham Place and the next time he and Charlotte would sleep under the same roofwould be on their wedding night and in the same bed.

Susan, Georgiana and Crowe were arriving the day after tomorrow and the staff at Sanditon House bustled about readying rooms and preparing food.

Sidney was busy as well. Everything had to be perfect for their first days as husband and wife and he wanted nothing to be left to circumstances. He had ordered a surprise for Charlotte and was overseeing the installment of it and was now instructing the maid and footman that Lady Denham had made available for their honeymoon at Denham Place. All food was to be served on a tray in the hallway by the bedroom door and he wanted a bath prepared for them every day at a certain time. No other services needed, no knocking and no contact. The bedroom and dressing room were to be stacked with fire wood and candles, he would maintain the fire himself – in short, he wanted to be undisturbed and alone with his wife.

Charlotte and Sidney wanted a small and relaxed wedding with only their closest friends and family but had in addition invited Mr. Stringer and his men for the first part of the reception. The invitation had been received very well, even by Mr. Stringer. 

After a busy day’s work, the three couples and Lady Denham all met for dinner at Sanditon House and Lady Denham was beaming with delight at the end of the table flanked as usual by Sidney and Charlotte. Conversation was buzzing and everyone was enjoying themselves. Of course, Lady Denham put her signature mark on the evening with one of her exorbitant remarks.

“Charlotte, my dear. Has your mother prepared you for the wedding night?”

Tom and Mary almost choked but Babington, Esther, Charlotte and Sidney were not particularly shocked by Lady Denham’s utterances though this one was more than improper - even for Lady Denham. Charlotte weighed her words carefully.

“I have a fair outline of the concept and I am quite confident that everything will fall naturally into place.”

The others tried to withhold their laughter. Sidney sent her a boyish dazzling smile. 

Not long after did the party retire and decided to skip drinks in the gloomy drawing room and call it a night. Mary and Tom dropped off Sidney at Denham Place on their way home. 

When Charlotte lifted the covers, she found a letter and a small box resting neatly on her pillow.

The letter carried his scent and she held it close to her nose and lips, taking his scent in before she broke the seal.

My beloved Charlotte,

Start by opening the box.

She did. Inside was a pair of beautiful forget-me-not earrings matching her ring.

It turns out that Lady Denham is quite a romantic and she insisted that we found you a pair of earrings to wear with the necklace and ring from my mother. Something that was yours first to pass on to our child. I think she is rooting for a girl. I am as usual getting ahead of myself here but I happily entertained the idea, both buying you a gift and raising a family with you.

We are so close now; can you feel it in your body too? My heart is eager to be close to you again. It has promised me too beat as fast as a happy puppy’s tail.

I love you,

Sidney

As Sidney took of his jacket, he felt a sharp edge underneath the fabric and checked the pocket. He smiled; it was a letter from Charlotte. When did she sneak that into his pocket? Unlike her he was more eager and less careful breaking the seal. Denham House felt empty in more than one way.

My love,

I fear the next days will be busy with the last preparations and guests arriving but it will all be worth it when we finally belong to each other.

You say I am the one. I am not. Without you I am not complete, I am not a whole person. So, you see, I can never be the one alone - it takes the two of us.

Read this letter when you miss our stolen kisses and touches. Soon we will not have to steal these moments, they will be ours to keep.

In love with you always,

Charlotte

Chapter Text

Eleven and twelve days after the proposal

“Sidney!”

“William!”

Mr. Heywood got out of the first carriage just as Sidney came walking from Denham House. The two men hugged and Sidney felt grateful that he and Charlotte’s father got on so well despite the financial mess of his brother and the hurt he had caused Charlotte. His respect for Mr. William Heywood was almost overwhelming partly because of the resemblance with Charlotte and partly because... Sidney realized how much he missed the wisdom and advice of a father. Mr. Heywood was kind, intelligent and profound – and there was no doubt in Sidney’s mind that a lesser accomplished man would never have forgiven him for the situation let alone aided and guided him in making things right. He had a bottle of very nice brandy waiting in his study and looked forward to sharing it with his coming father in law.

Charlotte came outside just in time to see the two men she loved the most hug and her heart swelled. Soon both carriages were emptied of members of the Heywood clan. Charlotte whirled from one embrace to another both smiling and crying with joy. She had never imagined that they would all be here to celebrate her and Sidney.

All her sisters and brothers were flocking around Sidney and were clearly excited to see him again.

“Come on, let’s go inside and get warm. There is tea and biscuits!”

In all the bustle Sidney sneaked to take Charlotte’s hand and give it three squeezes; three more days...

Lady Denham greeted them in the big drawing room. The gloomy décor and size silenced all the Heywood children in an instant, except the youngest, a beautiful brown haired and brown eyed two-year-old boy, who shrieked with joy when he saw the big red snake on the floor. Little Adam was sitting on his mother’s arm.

“I really don’t care much for children.”

The words were spoken by Lady Denham as she resolutely took the little boy from the slightly shocked Mrs. Heywood. Adam responded by grasping Lady Denham’s nose followed by a big kiss on her cheek.

“Obviously not.”

Esther’s voice was dry but her eyes were smiling.

The old woman was laughing heartily and walked around the room chatting with little Adam. She kept him on her arm as they walked to the dining room and commanded a footman to place the lend high chair next to hers. The two new friends were soon busy eating biscuits and laughing.

Lady Denham didn’t notice or care about the surprised looks from Sidney, Charlotte and Esther. To Charlotte’s surprise a table was set up for the children to eat in the same room as the adults. That had not been part of the preparations. Lady Denham was not as indifferent to children as she let on.

After tea Babington, Sidney and Mr. Heywood went to Sidney and Charlotte’s study to see a man about a bottle of vintage brandy. When the dinner bell rang there was no sign of them and Esther and Charlotte went to check on them. The room was heavy with cigar smoke, the first bottle was empty and most of the second one too and the three men were laughing at some anecdote Mr. Heywood was telling. The two women slowly closed the door again.

“I think it would be best to send up some food.”

Esther gave one of her rare laughs.

“I think so too.”

When all the children had been put to bed in three of the guest rooms the four sober women and the two eldest Heywood siblings assembled in the library for tea and sherry. They were discussing the three drunk men. Mrs. Heywood was telling about Sidney’s visit in December and how he and Mr. Heywood had shared a bottle of brandy the same way. They had ended up sleeping in their chairs in the study.

“Charlotte, I think Sidney is the reason, your father decided that we should all come for the wedding. He thinks very highly of him and I suspect that he was looking forward to spending another night drinking and telling stories.”

“Well, he certainly got what he came for then. And with my husband as a bonus.”

Esther was laughing and the other’s followed. Including Lady Denham.

During the night Charlotte was woken up by a drunk Sidney stumbling into her room and shushing himself. The room was dark and he hadn’t brought a candle with him. He sat heavily next to her on the edge of the bed and WHISPERED.

“Charlotte, my LOVE. I think your father is a bit DRUNK but don’t worry BabingTON and I have everything under control. You are so beaUTIful. I love you.”

He placed a wet kiss on her mouth and stumbled out again knocking over a chair on the way.

She laughed to herself and was happy that he had not accidently walked into Lady Denham’s room.

The next day they found the three of them sound asleep in the study. Coffee and breakfast were brought in and Sidney convinced the other two to go for an icy dip in the sea to sober up. And so, they did.

Lady Denham and Adam were inseparable and he trotted along beside her where ever she went with a firm grip in either her skirt or her hand. The rest spent a nice day outside walking to Denham Place and seeing Sanditon. Charlotte was proud to show her father the results of their plan and they had a long talk with Mr. Stringer. Mr. Heywood was very pleased to have contributed to the success of Sanditon.

The evening was a repetition of the one before but this time Crowe joined Sidney, Babington and Mr. Heywood in the study and Susan and Georgiana laughed and talked with Charlotte and Co in the library. Lady Denham closed the second evening.

“If we want the groom to be ready in church and look like a gentleman we better remove all bottles from the house.”

They nodded laughing. 

Chapter Text

The day of the wedding

The organ started playing and the doors opened. Sidney was clenching his jaw; tears were pooling in his eyes as he waited for her to appear in the doorway. The dress was beautiful in a cold white and the air in the church shifted as if a ghost passed through. The bride wasn’t Charlotte. It was Eliza. Sidney woke up gasping for air he was bathed in sweat and his heart was pounding. He drifted to sleep again and had the same nightmare. This time Charlotte was the bride and she looked more beautiful than ever. Her brown eyes sparkled with love and affection. He watched her go up the aisle holding her father’s arm. Mr. Heywood looked happy and shook the groom’s hand. Mr. Stringer’s hand. Sidney sat up again in a jolt.

It was still dark outside and the wedding was hours away but Sidney decided to get up anyway, the dreams of Charlotte that had filled his nights with sweet desire had turned against him. He went through all the details for their first night together but everything was to his satisfaction. He tried to read but his mind was distracted. Instead he went into one of the rooms that was still being renovated and found a big bag of plaster and hit it like a boxing bag for an hour or so. The room was cold and the exercise did him good – if the day had been lit, he would have gone for a swim. Sweating and panting he returned to his rooms where a valet was readying his bath. He sunk in the hot water, leaned back and closed his eyes. This time Charlotte was there and so was he.

Babington and Crowe arrived at Denham House to escort him to the church. Sidney was not sure that his two best men were even trying to make him feel less nervous. Crowe had obviously been to the crown most of the night and Babington used his experience as a nervous groom to tease Sidney.

“I wonder if she will be there in time?”

Crowe added.

“Maybe she will come to her senses and run away with me. I am after all the better choice!”

He gestured down his body. Normally it would have been amusing, but Sidney bit his cheek. Babington noticed and felt bad in an instant, they had after all not had the easiest road to this day. He slapped Sidney on the back.

“It is happening, my dear friend. She will come. Let’s go.”

Charlotte was in her room, with a swarm of women around her doing their very best to make her the most beautiful bride. Mrs. Heywood gently unwrapped the veil she had worn at her wedding and placed it on Charlotte’s curls with a few pins. Charlotte was so happy she felt her heart had taken over her body leaving no room to breathe or talk. It helped when Lady Denham barged in with a big box.

“This is my tiara. Well, it did very well for my wedding. Of course, I shall want it back after the ceremony!”

Esther laughed.

“Of course. Right after, do you want to tear it of yourself or can I be of any assistance?”

“Aargh, you know what I mean, Esther.”

Charlotte kissed Lady Denham on the cheek.

“Thank you, Lady Denham. For everything. I shall be proud to wear it.”

Susan had observed the preparations with her normal cool distance. She gave Charlotte a warm hug and whispered.

“Are you ready? For later...?”

Charlotte nodded, tears already welling in her eyes. She blushed and secured that no one else could hear her.

“I have been for some time...”

Susan laughed.

“My dear dear friend.”

They left for the church and Charlotte stood for a minute alone and looked at her reflection. She could hardly recognize herself or believe that it was finally happening. There was a soft knock on the door, her father came in.

“Are you ready, my dear girl?”

“Yes, Papa.”

In the carriage he reached into his inner pocket and took out a letter.

“I was instructed to give you this.”

Charlotte’s tears were slowly running down her cheeks now. She broke the seal with trembling hands and folded out the paper.

My love, my life, my wife,

Today I marry you. I am already desperately nervous and terrified that this is all a dream and that I will wake up any minute. But it is happening, isn’t it?

My heart is already beating so fast that I am surprised we haven’t risen to the sky and are flying with the seagulls.

Today you set the pace and I will follow.

I love you,

Your husband

She understood what he meant with the last line and her cheeks blushed. Carefully she folded the letter and put it in her small purse. Her father took her hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it.

“Sidney is a good man and you are worthy of each other. I am very happy for you, my girl.”

“Thank you, Papa.”

The little church was nearly full despite the rather small wedding party. Sidney was rocking back and forth on his feet trying to calm his nerves. He was clenching his jaw and tightening all his muscles in the lost effort to keep back his tears. Crowe took out a flask and offered him a slurp, he was as subtle as Lady Denham. Sidney shook his head. He had his eyes fixed to the door and wished that everyone would keep quiet so that he could when the carriage arrived. Nervously he fidgeted with his cravat and straightened his waistcoat. Not a woman in the church could deny that he looked very handsome in his dark jacket with matching waistcoat and pristine white shirt – his attire enhanced his tall well-built frame.

Lady Denham was sitting on the first pew – he knew without asking that she despite her normal banter and misplaced remarks cared enough for him to sit as a stand-in for his deceased parents. She had Adam on her lap and the little boy was playing with the sparkling jewelry around her neck.

“Stop fidgeting, Sidney. It is not becoming.”

A neigh from a horse managed to travel through the quiet chatter and hit his ears. He straightened his body and stared at the door. The chatter silenced. The bride had arrived. Sidney’s underlip was trembling and his heart was beating as if it was trying to escape his rib cage. Time seemed to stand still, nothing happened. Was she not here after all? He was beginning to panic when the organ sent out the first soft tune. He released the breath he was holding.

The doors opened and there she was. His Charlotte. A beautiful vision of shimmering golden colors. She was like sun beams on a summer’s day. Her big brown eyes locked on his the second she entered. They were shining and he drifted away in them. She bit her underlip as she always did when she was nervous. He wanted to stride to her and kiss her. He must have been about to do so because Babington gently grabbed his elbow. It felt like forever before they stood before him and Mr. Heywood enveloped his hand with both his and shook it.

“Good luck, Mr. Parker.”

None of them had any idea what was being said. They were both in a haze, letting their little fingers brush against each other. They could almost hear the other’s pulse racing through the body. Mr. Hankins got them through the wows somehow and Babington handed Sidney the rings. Charlotte didn’t expect another ring and bit her lip again as she found Sidney’s eyes – they were as teary as hers. He leaned his forehead against hers, standing so close that his nose brushed hers and she could feel his breath on her lips. Slowly he slid on the wedding band on her finger. And then he took her hand and placed it on his chest and she could feel his heart beating. It was like touching an earthquake. She placed his wedding band on his finger. With her free hand she placed his hand on her chest. Sidney closed the last short distance between their lips with a tender lingering kiss.

Slowly they pulled a part, braided their fingers and turned towards their friends and family. You could hear a penny drop. They both smiled shyly and walked out the church as Mr. and Mrs. Parker.

Chapter Text

The day of the wedding continued

Sanditon House buzzed with chatter and children laughing. Sidney and Charlotte were happily caught in the current of it all smiling and talking, sipping Champaign and nipping food. They had not let go of each other’s hands since they left the church and Sidney had no intention to let go of her.

Lady Denham had sought out Mr. Heywood, her little companion was faithfully holding her hand chatting away with a piece of cake in his other hand.

“Mr. Heywood. It is winter, are there any of your crops in need of your attention?”

“No, Lady Denham, but we do have...”

She interrupted him.

“Then I agree with you that there is no hinder for you to stay another week!”

“Lady Denham, I did not agree...”

“Come Adam, let’s see if there is more cake.”

Mrs. Heywood approached and took her husband’s arm.

“You look a little befuddled, my dear.”

“Well, it seems that I have decided that we stay another week.”

Mrs. Heywood laughed. It was not often that her Mr. Heywood was tricked into doing something he didn’t want to. In that matter he was very much like his oldest daughter.

“Splendid!”

“Splendid?”

“Yes, the children are happy. Adam has completely overcome his shyness. We get to know Charlotte’s friends and new family. And you have most certainly been enjoying yourself!”

“Well then.”

“Well then.”

“Are you happy, Mrs. Parker?”

Sidney was whispering in a hoarse husky voice that tingled all the way from her ear down between her thighs. Her breathing got staggered and she turned her head to be closer to his mouth.

“Very.”

They were standing very close now, like two magnets pulling towards each other.

“No regrets?”

“None, but the day is still young, Mr. Parker.”

Her voice was not as teasing as her words and Sidney thought her whisper was very alluring. They were almost kissing now. A polite cough interrupted them. It was Mr. Stringer.

“I just wanted to say thank you from the men and I for inviting us. We are very happy for you. All of us.”

“Thank you, Stringer. For all of it. We owe a great deal to you. You have been a good friend.”

Sidney held out his hand and James shook it. Charlotte leaned forward and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

“Thank you, James.”

He smiled widely, bowed and left.

“Now, where were we, Mrs. Parker?”

Charlotte wondered if she would ever tire of hearing his deep wanting voice say her married name.

“Not able to leave yet, Mr. Parker.”

He laughed and kissed her cheek.

“You are right. I will try to behave. Please, don’t think too badly of me.”

“I don’t think too badly of you. I think of you too much.”

He looked surprised at her; she met his eyes through her lashes. She was flirting! Again, leave it to Lady Denham to break the mood.

“I really don’t care much for children running around the house but I expect that you must procreate at some point. Preferably quickly. You are not getting any younger, Charlotte!”

Lady Denham was holding a tired Adam in her arms, he was resting his head against her shoulder, his little hands playing drowsily with some hair he had pulled loose from her hairdo. She walked away and sat down in a chair rocking him gently.

“I have never seen anyone more indifferent to children!”

“Nor I. But she will just have to endure living with it.”

Sidney took her hand and pressed it to his lips.

A few hours of small talking and mingling later Sidney squeezed Charlotte’s hand.

“I think we have done our duty now.”

She nodded with a shy smile and blushing cheeks - she bit her lip and his eyes turned almost black.

“You are killing me, Charlotte...”

It took forever to say goodbye to everyone. Last one was Susan. The knowing look and smile in Susan’s eyes made Charlotte blush even more.

“Enjoy your evening and night, Charlotte. All of it!”

Sidney had promised himself to take things slow but lost himself in her eyes and lips as soon as the carriage started moving. It was a short drive and they were still fairly decent when the carriage arrived at Denham Place. Sidney jumped out first to take her in his arms and carry her inside, kissing her and managed not to break the kiss – he was leaning with her against the door to free a hand to unlock. He had made sure that no one was there to disturb them. Not even to let them in. Inside he repeated the procedure to lock the door again and then he let her slid down his body and pulled her in for a kiss that was more heated and passionate than ever before.

“Are you ready, Mrs. Parker?”

“Yes, Mr. Parker!”

He grabbed her hand and they ran up the stairs, laughing expectantly. Outside the bedroom he picked her up again, carried her inside and kicked the door shut behind him. She was so lost in kissing him that she didn’t look around the room at first. He put her down and turned her around, standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her waist and folded his hands on her stomach. His head was resting on her shoulder. The stubble on his cheek brushed against her soft one. He tilted his head to kiss the soft skin under her ear. His dark vibrato against her skin made her tremble.

“Do you approve? Will it do for our honeymoon, Charlotte?”

She took the room in gasping. He had made a small forest by the fireplace with potted trees creating a small clearing lined with furs and soft pillows. Big candelabras made the blue silk walls shimmer like a calm sea in moonlight. There were golden-yellow silk sheets on the big poster bed. Everything was beautiful.

“It will do very well, Sidney.”

The wedding night - the secret chapter ❤

Chapter Text

Seven days after the wedding

Charlotte and Sidney left their private cocoon in time to have breakfast with the Heywoods at Sanditon House before they returned to Willingden. It was the first time they had been outside for days and Charlotte felt the world looked very different. She also felt Sidney’s eyes on her and blushed. He smiled and kissed the back of her hand.

“Are you ready to face the world, Mrs. Parker?”

She took a deep breath.

“Yes.”

They were quiet on the short carriage ride from Denham Place to Sanditon House. On the way they came by Mr. Stringer and his men heading to resume the renovation. Charlotte and James made brief eye contact, he bowed lightly with a knowing smile and her cheeks turned warm. This is what was different. Everybody knew that she was now Mrs. Parker.

Lady Denham greeted them in her normal manner.

“Mr. and Mrs. Parker, back so soon?”

Sidney gave her a soft peck on the cheek.

“We have missed you too, Lady D!”

Soon they were surrounded by Charlotte’s siblings telling them all about the adventures they had had in the past week. Sidney and Charlotte looked at the other and imagined what it would be like to one day have their own children. They caught each other’s eyes and Sidney mouthed “I love you” to her.

Breakfast was a delightful buzz of chatter and laughter. Lady Denham was as usual throning at the end of the table with Sidney and Charlotte on either side and little Adam next to her.

“You must all come back for the regatta of course.”

Mr. Heywood looked at her, he already had a teasing twinkle in his brown eyes.

“Is this one of those conversations where I say that it is not possible and you present it as if it was my design in the first place?”

“You speak your mind very freely, Mr. Heywood. But since you suggest it then yes.”

He sighed.

“If we have no other obligations at the time and you can accommodate us; we will come for the regatta.”

“I do not care to run a hotel, Mr. Heywood. But since we have all managed tolerably well this time you may as well stay here.”

“Well then.”

“Well then.”

After teary goodbyes and the promise of visiting Willingden soon Charlotte and Sidney waved goodbye as the two carriages drove off with the Heywood clan. Lady Denham was awfully quiet the rest of the day and more grumpy than usual. She did however seem quite content to sit in her chair again in the study while Charlotte and Sidney went through their mail.

Charlotte held up a letter.

“Mr. Hoare has confirmed the date. They will be here in fortnight from today. We should check with Mr. Stringer if Denham Place can be completed by then. I think it would be best suited if they stayed there.”

She nodded discretely in Lady Denham’s direction. Sidney laughed. He enjoyed this – the two of them working in their study and by the look in her eyes she did too.

“I agree. I will talk to Stringer in the morning. Perhaps we can spur them on somehow. I’ll work something out.”

They dug through the rest of their mails and wrote replies. Charlotte got up and stretched her body. Sidney leaned back in his chair and watched her.

“Could I interest you in a walk before dinner, Mrs. Parker?”

“It would be my pleasure, Mr. Parker.”

Outside Sidney took her gloved hand and braided his fingers with hers. He couldn’t help but look sideways at her. She looked content and happy and lifted her head from time to time and closed her eyes to enjoy the cool air on her face. Her curls were hanging loose and the winter breeze played gently with them. Suddenly he felt a little shy. This was still very new and unbelievable.

“A fine fresh day.”

She smiled.

“Yes, indeed.”

He stopped and took both her hands in his.

“Charlotte...”

“Yes...”

His gentle kiss released the same swarm of butterflies in her stomach as their very first kiss had that day on the cliff top.

Chapter Text

Three weeks after the wedding

Babington and Esther had arrived the day before and were now sitting around the big round table in the library with Sidney and Charlotte. Today was a big day, Mr. Hoare and two gentlemen from his board had announced that they would be in Sanditon in time for dinner. The four of them were waiting for Tom who had been relatively stable and sensible since the Sidney’s thundering scolding in October but the stagnation in creating new things was beginning to take his toll on him and he was drifting back to his old manic ways.

Tom entered the room, red cheeks and shining eyes but not from the cold weather alone. He had been up all night thinking about new ideas for Mr. Hoare and his bank to invest in. His arms were spread out – like a penguin that cannot fly, Sidney thought bitterly to himself. Tom was just about to speak when Sidney got up from his chair.

“Before you say anything, Tom, let me stop you. We are NOT discussing any new ideas today and we are most definitely not presenting Mr. Hoare anything we haven’t worked on in a serious matter. If you cannot accept these terms you are not attending the dinner tonight nor the meeting tomorrow – even if I have to carry you out the room myself. Have I made myself clear, Tom?”

It was like watching a balloon deflate. Tom nodded disappointedly and fell down on the chair next to Charlotte. She patted his arm.

“You will have more dreams come true, Tom. We just have to secure this one first.”

They worked concentrated until lunch and satisfied with their preparations for the meeting they rose to go the dining room.

“Charlotte, can I talk to you?”

She nodded. Sidney closed the door and pulled her in for a kiss. He nuzzled his nose against her forehead as he spoke.

“I expect that Mr. Hoare will be focusing on you and your opinion. To him you play the leading role in the Sanditon prospect and we can use that to our advantage. Negotiation is a controlled conversation. If Tom gets too excited you do the opposite. You hunt and you fish; read his body language like you would read your prey and you will know when he is ready. You decide when we are content with their offer. I will be right here next to you – if you feel you are losing control of the situation you push a piece of paper towards me and I will take over. But I have seen you, Charlotte. You are a natural negotiator. You are capable of this.”

He gave her a last long kiss before taking her hand and walking towards the door. She pulled him back and dug herself into his chest, he closed his arms around her and buried his nose in her curls. The scent had the power to both calm him down and spark his desire.

“Are you alright, my love?”

“Yes. It’s just... thank you...”

He lifted her chin with his index finger and stroked her lower lip his thumb.

“For what?”

“For having such faith in me. I know I am too headstrong and too opinionated..and... and just barge into situations without thinking.”

“You are not too anything. Don’t doubt yourself. You are more than equal to any woman – or man – and I will happily remind you of that every day until my last breath.”

The next kiss was a bit more heated.

“Now, Mrs. Parker. If you wish to avoid the scandal of me carrying you to our bedroom we better go to lunch now. “

Mr. Hoare could hardly disguise his excitement to meet the sharp and bright Miss Heywood again. Tom, Babington and Sidney sent each other a devilish look – the prey was exactly where they wanted it.

“Miss Heywood, I am honored to meet you again and trust that you are in good health.”

He bowed and kissed the back of her hand.

“Thank you, Mr. Hoare. I am in very good health and I am Mrs. Parker now.”

Mr. Hoare turned his eyes to Sidney.

“You are a lucky man, Mr. Parker.”

“Indeed, I am, Mr. Hoare.”

They did the formal introductions and Sidney led the way to the dining room with Lady Denham at his arm, followed by Charlotte and Mr. Hoare, Mary and Mr. Colliard, Esther and Mr. Fitzgerald. Tom and Babington trotted after them.

“Lady Denham...”

Sidney was whispering as he helped her to her seat. She squeezed his arm.

“It is still my money. I shall take that into consideration before I speak.”

He sighed relieved and sent her one his boyish smiles that always made her swoon a little.

“Ladies - and of course gentlemen. Tonight, we will enjoy ourselves and save business for the morning.”

Sidney nodded at the three bankers.

“And after dinner Mrs. Parker and I will escort you to Denham place that is at your disposal during your stay. I think you will find it to your liking.”

Despite his bland exterior Mr. Hoare was an excellent table companion and though he and Charlotte could not entirely resist talking about the prospect she also learned that he too was a keen reader of philosophy and he listened with interest as she told him about her upbringing. He laughed heartedly when Sidney added that his wife was a very capable shot. Esther did her best not to be too disdainful and Mr. Colliard and Mr. Fitzgerald seemed equally smitten by her and the kind and sweet Mary. Tom and Babington sat at the opposite end of Lady Denham and while Babington enjoyed himself the feeling of being useless did not escape Tom but he remembered Sidney’s words.

After dinner and a quick brandy in the drawing room Sidney and Charlotte escorted the three bankers to Denham Place. They presented the staff and gave a quick tour of the house. The last room was more masculine than the rest – Charlotte had overheard Crowe talk enough times about the lack of entertainment and she had with the help of Mr. Stringer created a man’s den with two chesterfield sofas by the fireplace and a well-equipped bar. But the centerpiece of the room was a large billiard table. The result had the impact that she had hoped for.

Sidney poured five solid drinks and they toasted for a good meeting the next day. Charlotte managed again to take a big sip without giving away how much the amber liquid burned down her throat. This was a man’s world and she was beginning to see how she could play by their rules and still bend them when she wanted to because she was a woman.

“Do you play billiard, Mrs. Parker?”

“Yes, I do.”

Sidney looked surprised but his smile indicated that he shouldn’t have been. Of course, she did.

“Would you care for a game?”

“Mr. Hoare, I shall spare you the embarrassment of losing to a woman. But you gentlemen enjoy yourselves.”

Mr. Colliard and Mr. Fitzgerald burst out laughing.

“Capital, Mrs. Parker. Mr. Hoare has given a very accurate account of you.”

Charlotte blushed slightly and gave a small laugh.

“Gentlemen, Mrs. Parker and I will see you tomorrow. You take your breakfast here and meet with us at Sanditon House. Goodnight.”

Charlotte and Sidney sat close in the carriage back to Sanditon House, he had his arm around her and his lips brushed her temple and forehead.

“Mrs. Parker, would it be presumptuous of me to carry you straight to our bedroom when we return?”

His voice was dark and drizzled over her body like hot chocolate. She did her best to sound teasing but her breathing was already shallow from his featherly touches.

“It would be very appreciated. I am rather tired; it has been a long day.”

His lips had moved down and found her earlobe.

“Then I shall tuck you into bed very thoroughly, Mrs. Parker.”

Chapter Text

Three weeks and one day after the wedding

The next day dawned crisp and clear with ice crystals tinkling in the air. There was however nothing crisp, clear and tinkling about the three bankers when they arrived. Mr. Fitzgerald was ash grey in the face and he looked desperately for options to empty his stomach in just in case, Mr. Colliard was pale and unfocused and Mr. Hoare was grumpy and hissed at the footman when he tried to help him with the outerwear. The latter’s expression did soften a bit when Charlotte came down the stairs to greet them. She wore a deep green dress in taffeta with a matching velvet spencer. Her curls were in a soft updo with a few thick curls cascading down her left shoulder. Sidney noticed the forget-me-not-earrings and smiled to himself, she looked more beautiful and confident for every day.

“Welcome, gentlemen. Shall we?”

Sidney pointed to the library. Esther had taken it upon her to entertain Lady Denham in a safe distance from the meeting and Charlotte was the only woman in a room with six men whereof three were visibly drunk and hungover, one was about to explode with excitement and the last two did their best to signal damage control actions to each other. The meeting was off to a bad start. Sidney outlined the agenda based on the draft Mr. Hoare had sent himself. Mr. Colliard had already nodded off in his chair snoring loudly. Mr. Fitzgerald was close to a state of panic now, cold-sweating and clearly about to vomit at any point. Mr. Hoare was just not in the mood. His head was hurting and he wanted this meeting to be over and done with and so he growled annoyed under Sidney’s introduction. Charlotte observed the room and could feel everything slip out of control. She took a deep breath and pulled back her chair. Standing up she clapped her hands to get their attention, Mr. Colliard woke up in a jolt and looked utterly confused.

“My apologies, gentlemen. Sanditon is not something we can show you from inside a library. You have to see it for yourself. You need to feel the invigorating sea breeze on your face. And you will better fathom the prospect when you have seen the sea side and the town with your own eyes.”

Her choice of words had been polite and kind but she had spoken with the firm authority of a mother displeased with her children.

“Come along now. You will need your warm coats. We will walk there!”

She herded them out of the room and turned to Tom.

“You go ahead. Have Mary prepare strong coffee and some cold salty meat.”

The three sober men understood now what she was up to. Sidney rubbed his chin and laughed admirably. This was the same Charlotte that had taken control when Ol’ Stringer got hurt and formed water chains under the fire. He could hear her boss them around in the hallway and soon they were all – except Tom – outside.

Charlotte led the way with a determination that none of the gentlemen dared challenge no matter what state they were in. Mr. Fitzgerald quickly disappeared behind a tree at the first given opportunity and emptied himself. When he caught up with them again Charlotte handed him her handkerchief without showing any emotions.

She had set a brisk pace and pointed here and there as she guided them through the wonders of Sanditon. Slowly the three visitors sobered up and turned from a waxy pale to a fresh pink color and when they entered Trafalgar House Mr. Hoare grabbed Charlotte gently by the elbow.

“Cleverly done, Mrs. Parker. I am afraid we enjoyed the ehm... facilities of Denham Place too much and too long. Please forgive us.”

“There is nothing to forgive, Mr. Hoare. I am not the one suffering this morning and your state presented the opportunity to show the healing magic of the Sanditon air.”

They laughed and he escorted her inside.

Mr. Colliard was admiring the model of Sanditon in Tom’s study. Tom approached him.

“That is my baby. My pride and joy but wait until you see Mrs. Parker’s new version back in the library. She knows the outline of this town by heart and she understands what people want and need – even when they don’t know themselves. Sanditon is a sensible investment by itself. With her it is a grand opportunity.”

Tom’s voice was solemn and proud with a hint of sadness. It might be his vision but Charlotte made it realizable and popular. Sidney had overheard his brother’s appraisal and when Mr. Colliard followed the smell of coffee, he gave him a grateful hug.

“Thank you, Tom. We don’t deserve her, do we?”

“No, but you better not tell her that, Sidney! Is it too much for me to ask of my brother to keep his wife happy for the sake of my town?”

They were both laughing when Mary popped her head in.

“Are you coming? Coffee and sandwiches are being served.”

Sober, refreshed by coffee and food they opted to take the carriage back to Sanditon House. Mr. Colliard was not yet ready to be inside a carriage and with him outside driving with Tom they could fit in one vehicle.

Seated again around the table in the library Sidney outlined the agenda again. First item was for Charlotte to go through her model and plans. They gathered around the square table and Mr. Colliard could see what Tom had meant though her model was not as impressively built as the professional model as Tom’s. Buildings and property development were his specialty and he signaled his approval to Mr. Hoare.

Mr. Fitzgerald rolled out a big plan and with the help of Mr. Colliard they pinned it to the bookshelf. He cleared his throat.

“As I understand it you have reached an agreement on the current loans and conditions. But we promised to show what we can offer as a partner.”

He looked at Tom and Charlotte.

“You have built on top of what the seaside has to offer. We suggest to add tamed nature as a contrast to the wild and rough beauty of the beach and the cliffs. Based on your drawing on Mr. Hoare’s newspaper we have drafted a further plan with parks. Small oases to shade from the sun. A maze to intrigue children and ehm... lovers. Small stands that sell refreshments. It can bind Denham Place to the town centre without imposing on the privacy.”

Tom could hardly contain his excitement. His eyes were shining and his hair seemed to ruffle by itself.

“That is... That is....”

He was waving his hands towards the plan.

“...expensive, Mr. Fitzgerald. How do you suggest that we finance such an ambition? We have not prioritized for that reason.”

Charlotte interrupted Tom – Sidney's guidelines made her confident.

“This will be our investment.”

“Yes, but what about your return on investment? We will not be willing to have a part of Sanditon that is isolated financially from the rest. Nor do we wish to enter into a risky agreement of that size. In other words, what is in it for your bank, Mr. Fitzgerald? There doesn’t seem to be much in it for us.”

Mr. Hoare stepped forward.

“May I? I understand your concern, Mrs. Parker. We are prepared to make this a long-term investment with a slow return. We have calculated that the profits from the stalls and the entrance fee from the maze will pay back the construction of the parks in less than five years. After that we suggest a fifty/fifty split between your company and our bank.”

Charlotte sneaked to catch Sidney’s eyes. He understood what she wanted and nodded.

“Mr. Hoare. I like your five-year investment willingness but the parks will not be cheap to maintain and your offer will leave that expense on our door step. Furthermore, we want our bank to be an active partner. If I may suggest; you invest in the park construction and that gives you a share of the Sanditon prospect and a seat at the board. The profit will be distributed on equal terms as the rest of the shareholders. What do you say, Mr. Hoare? – and of course it needs your approval, Lord Babington, you are the expert on that part.”

Mr. Hoare scratched his chin.

“May we have to room, Mrs. Parker?”

“Of course.”

Charlotte left with Tom, Babington and Sidney. Outside in the hallway she released a deep breath that she didn’t know she was holding. Sidney took her hand.

“You have him. He is only asking for the room to look like he is negotiating.”

She smiled gratefully at him, then turned to Lord Babington.

“Is it possible? Is it a good idea? I admit it was all I could think of to not end up with an expensive cost from maintaining the parks. I know what it costs to run my father’s estate and we don’t have a maze.”

“Oh no, it is very possible and it is probably not a bad idea to have a banker on the board.”

Mr. Hoare opened the door and invited them back in. He motioned that they sat around the round table again.

“We are in. I will draw out the papers with your solicitors and I suggest that we meet up in London a month from now to go through and sign them. There is a new opera, La Donna del Lago, and we would like to invite you all with companion.”

They shook hands as Esther entered to announce that it was time to get ready for dinner. It would be served at Denham Place to give the guests a chance to go back and change.

Sidney followed Charlotte up to their rooms. He kissed the palm of her wrist as they walked up the stairs and the sensation of his warm full lips and the hot swirl of his tongue on the sensitive skin made her lose her footing and he scooped her up and carried her the rest of the way. He kicked the door shut behind him as he had the habit of doing when he wanted to be alone with his wife.

“I just need a moment with your lips and your neck before we change, Charlotte.”

His was speaking with his tongue already dancing in her mouth and she hooked her arms around his neck and he pushed her against the wall. He kissed his way to her earlobe and down her neck and collarbone before he unbuttoned her spencer and buried kisses between her breasts. A soft knock from her maid made him reluctantly pull apart. He growled.

“Are we never to be alone, Mrs. Parker?”

Dinner at Denham Place was a pleasant repetition of the one the evening before. Esther and Lady Denham chose to retire to Sanditon House shortly after. It was late and Esther could feel the weight of her pregnancy and Lady Denham had dozed off a few times already.

Mr. Hoare suggested that the rest retired to the billiard room for a game or two, he was hoping to persuade Charlotte to play. A few hours later Sidney and Babington left Denham Place with an undefeated Charlotte.

Chapter Text

Four weeks and two days after the wedding

Sidney had promised Stringer and his men a night out if they had Denham Place done before Mr. Hoare’s visit and a small bonus if the meeting went well. It was a Saturday late afternoon when Sidney, Tom and Babington met with the workers at the bar. Sidney raised his hand.

“First round is on me!”

Cheers and applause from Stringer and the men.

“I’ll take the next three, you cheap bastard!”

Babington slapped his wallet on the bar desk.

Laughter and more cheers.

When the crowd had settled down a little with a pint in hand, Tom got up and knocked on his glass. Several of the men rolled their eyes and Stringer sent them a warning look.

“Gentlemen. Thank you for your hard work not only the renovation of Denham Place but also with putting up with me. I believe that you are all as relieved as I am that I am no longer handling the finances (there was a confirming muttering) - I have however been given the honor to hand out a bonus for you. Mind you it is not my doing. You owe your gratitude to Mr. and Mrs. Parker. Mr. Stringer, you have been more than a foreman......”

Tom was almost in tears now and Babington interrupted.

“CHEEEEEEEEERS”

One by one the men received a bonus and a handshake.

Sidney whistled.

“Remember men. This money is for your family. You won’t need it tonight, as food and drinks are on Babington!”

A few hours later a drunk Mr. Stringer approached a drunk Sidney.

“Mr. Parker...!”

“Sidney please.”

“Alright, Mr. Parker Sidney!”

“Yes, Mr. Stringer James!”

Stringer was swaying and grabbed Sidney’s shoulder to stable himself.

“You should know that I do NOT hold a grudge against you.”

“Good to know, Stringer. What grudge would that have been, good sir?”

“Char... Miss Heywood. I loved her too, you know...”

“I can’t blame you, James.”

He had his face very close to Sidney’s now.

“I warned her against you, Sidney Mr. Parker!”

“I can’t blame you for that either, James.”

“But you are a good enough man, Parker Sidney. If she loves you, you must be a good man. I think you are a good man. (he paused and then smiled as if logic dawned on him) I love you too then.”

Stringer looked very pleased with himself and stumbled away. Babington came.

“What was that about?”

“Mr. Stringer loves me, apparently.”

Babington laughed.

“I thought, he loved Charlotte...but you are of course a handsome devil, Sidney! Come, we better get your brother home. He’s passed out.”

They half carried Tom across the street and handed him over to Mary and a man servant before they returned to the bar. The men cheered when they reappeared in the doorway.

“ANOTHER ROUND, GOOD SIR!”

How Babington and Sidney found their way back in the darkness to Sanditon House hours later no one knows but they were both loud, happy and cold as ice. Esther and Charlotte had not yet gone to bed and ordered hot baths to be drawn to thaw them up.

Sidney bobbed Charlotte’s nose with his finger when she helped him up the stairs.

“Mr. James Stringer the Young One loves me.”

“I am happy for you, my dear.”

Esther left Babington to two footmen and went to bed. She was not going to carry both Babington and his child.

When Sidney was warm, clean and dry Charlotte helped him into their bedroom. He was in a very loving mood and fumbled to undress her. He was getting nowhere and she pushed him into bed and undressed herself. By the time she was done he lay with his long arms and legs spread out like a starfish sound asleep. She smiled and wrapped herself and the covers around him.

“I love you, Sidney.”

Are you telling me there’s some pleasure to be had that I’ve been overlooking, though it’s right under my nose?

Chapter Text

Two months after the wedding

As London appeared in front of them Charlotte squeezed Sidney’s hand. The city did not hold the best of memories for her and Sidney understood – he felt the same and placed a comforting kiss on the back of her hand. Married life suited them well and they had adjusted their rhythm with Lady Denham slightly – and for the time being with Esther and Babington too.

The Babingtons were going home to their estate after London and Esther looked forward to it, almost seven months pregnant she was ready to go into confinement and leave the world to the world. She looked fondly at Sidney and Charlotte sitting close, holding hands. The Sanditon prospect was healthy and in good hands, the curse of her aunt’s fortune had been broken – Esther approved of Charlotte as sole heiress, it was in fact an idea she had planted herself to secure Charlotte in case she didn’t succeed with reuniting Charlotte and Sidney and more important than anything else the two people in front of her were happy at last. If someone found out that Esther was a soft romantic, she would strike them dead. All in all, the plan she had outlined that horrible night when a hurting Sidney had knocked desperately on their door had turned out better than expected. She was very pleased with herself. The baby responded by kicking her hard in the ribs and Esther gave one of her rare laughs and stroked her stomach. Babington’s hand was on top of hers in an instant. Oh, how she loved him. She leaned her head against his chest and enjoyed his arm around her shoulder and his lips on her forehead. Esther was happy but also exhausted. They dropped off Charlotte and Sidney at Bedford Place before finally reaching their own London house.

Tom and Mary would not be arriving until the day after tomorrow and Sidney and Charlotte had the house to themselves. Sidney had whispered sweet little nothings in her ear and quite a few sweet but definitely not small somethings and she had blushed. They had fully enjoyed the overnight stay on the way and reminisced the night as “Mr. and Mrs. Parker” when they last made the journey with Lady D. As Sidney had said when they lay panting in each other's arms, “I am very satisfied with that rewrite, Mrs. Parker!”

Susan had invited them for dinner the next evening. Just the three of them and the Prince Regent. They were off shortly on their tour d’Europe and she wanted to say a proper goodbye. Charlotte looked forward to seeing her again, Susan had of course been continuously informed about the development of her investments but a face to face account was something else.

After a simple dinner they sat in the two armchairs by the fire in the study. Sidney had pulled her close and rubbed her feet with his warm hands. Silence enveloped them and they just sat there and enjoyed each other until Charlotte accidently bit her lip and Sidney resolutely scooped her up and carried her to bed.

Next morning Charlotte met with Susan at her modiste. Sidney had insisted that his wife got a new dress for the opera, Charlotte had objected - she had not yet worn all of the dresses from Susan’s wedding trousseau but it had all been in vain, Sidney had put his foot down. It was a lovely day though. Susan knew exactly what the dress should look like and they went through designs and fabrics – and before long Charlotte had lost another fight with Susan who insisted on bestowing more dresses upon her.

“Tell me, dear girl. How did Sidney react to the nightdress I gave you?”

Charlotte’s cheek turned a bright red and her lips trembled slightly. Susan laughed heartedly.

“That well? That is exactly the review, I was aiming for. Let’s see if we can do an encore.”

Sidney was busy as well. He had noticed that Charlotte used the same few pieces of jewelry and he suspected that she made good use of what she had; he wanted to give her a complete set to wear at the opera. The jeweler, Mr. Haim, started with some beautiful but not very Charlotte pieces.

“Would you be comfortable to tell me about the young lady, Mr. Parker? The jewelry should reflect and enhance her personality not drown it.”

Sidney nodded. His aim was to empower her.

“Mrs. Parker is a strong, opinionated and fearless woman. She captivates everyone she meets with her kindness and intelligence – her whole being is so pure and sweet. Her eyes are big brown and sparkling – like the night sky. You can lose yourself in them. She likes to wear her brown curly hair down.”

Mr. Haim smiled; this was clearly a man in love.

“It sounds like you are a very lucky man, Mr. Parker. One moment please.”

He returned with two flat velvet boxes and opened them. Sidney knew immediately that he would have to buy both – she would scold him for spoiling her but if he didn’t give her both at once it would be fine.

The first set was a blue sapphire in a gold fitting with a drop shaped perfect pearl dangling gently from it. Sidney could just see it swaying from her earlobes and cleavage. It was a stunning yet simple set that allowed the gems to shine on their own. Like his Charlotte.

The second set was more elaborate but smaller. A circle of small diamonds framed a round embossed rose quartz stone. The delicate pink color would bring out her golden colors.

Mr. Haim took out a smaller box from his pocket.

“If the occasion demands something a little more... extravagant you can attach these cherry blossoms to the necklace.”

Inside the box were to gold branches with unsymmetrically placed rose quartz flowers that could be attached at the back of the round pendant and pinned further up the thin gold chain. The flowers and leaves were delicately done. Mr. Haim could tell that he had done well. Flashes of Charlotte in the nightdress made Sidney’s mouth go dry. He had to compose himself a little before speaking.

“I’ll take it all.”

“Very good, Mr. Parker.”

Charlotte was sitting at her dressing table about to put on the forget-me-not-earrings when Sidney knocked softly and entered. She turned and sent him a loving smile.

“I’ll be done in just a minute.”

“Here, let me help you.”

She looked beautiful in a pale dove blue dress with sapphire blue embroidery on it. The neckline was deep but ended with a thin line of organza where you could see the skin on her bosom underneath if you were close enough. And Sidney was close enough. Her eyes sparkled as she met his eyes in the mirror.

“Close your eyes, Charlotte.”

He bent his head to kiss her softly on her shoulder, it sent shivers down her spine and he could tell. With a satisfied smile he opened the box with the pearl set and carefully pinned the earrings accompanied by a brush from his lips. She was tilting her head against him and breathing a little heavier. His fingers took their time to place the pendant between her breasts and stroked achingly slow to the back of neck and fastened the lock.

“You may open your eyes...”

He was mumbling against the soft skin of her neck, kissing her with more and more passion. There was not a part of him that wanted to go to dinner at Susan’s right now. She was leaning against him enjoying his lips on her skin. It was impossible for her to open her eyes. His scent was overwhelming and she wanted his lips all over her body.

Reluctantly he pulled away and she looked at herself. The pearl set was perfect on her.

“Oh, Sidney. It is so beautiful. It is too much...”

“It is not too much and we have already had this conversation. I am allowed to surprise you whenever I want with wh....”

She drowned his words with a passionate kiss that he again had to be the one to pull away from otherwise they would never leave.

Susan and the Prince Regent were as good a company in this intimate small company as there had been at the bigger dinner parties, Charlotte and Sidney had attended. Conversation was flowing easy and Charlotte noticed how Sidney who tended to brood in social contexts was completely relaxed – his face was all smiles and laughter and he looked happy and content.

“I have to tell you, Charlotte. Mrs. Campion is completely transformed.”

The atmosphere in the room changed in an instant. Sidney frowned and Charlotte smiled insecurely. Susan continued.

“She says, she owes it to a conversation she had with you on your last encounter.”

Charlotte blushed and bit her lip. Sidney’s breath turned shallow and she could feel his eyes piercing her.

“Whatever did you say to her, Charlotte?”

It was the Prince’s deep baryton.

“I told her to be kind.”

Charlotte didn’t feel it was her place to reveal that Eliza was in love with Lord Courtland.

The Prince sought her eyes and laughed; it came roaring from deep down like rocks tumbling down a mountainside. It was contagious – like the measles, Charlotte thought to herself as she started laughing too.

The next evening Charlotte was nervously getting ready to go to the opera. It had been a long and exhilarating day; they had been going through the papers with Mr. Hoare, Babington and a long line of Babington and the bank’s solicitors – it seemed like she had been signing papers for hours and it had been the first time that she formally signed with Mrs. Charlotte Parker. Her hand had trembled as she had led the quill over the paper the first time. The expression on Sidney’s face told her that it mattered to him as well. And now she was going to the opera for the first time and she was sure to feel like an outlier there.

Hetty had just finished her hair when Sidney knocked softly and entered the room. With a small curtsy Hetty left and Charlotte got up and faced her husband.

“Will I do? I have never been to the opera before.”

Sidney took her hand and pressed it against his chest.

“Feel my heart. That is how beautiful you look.”

She could feel it racing and as she did the same with his hand it beat even faster. He was pleased to see that her new dress perfectly matched the jewelry he was holding in his pocket. It was a white dress trimmed with gold and embroidered with small pale pink flowers, the many layers over the under dress floated around her when she moved. Ivory-gold long gloves and rose slippers completed the look.

“Turn around.”

He slid his finger down the back of her neck and followed the neckline around. With his other hand he pulled out the box and held it in front of her.

“Sidney...”

“Open it!”

“But...”

“I am allowed. Open.”

She did and gasped. He had already pinned the cherry blossom branches on the thin gold chain.

“Never doubt that you are worth spoiling, my love.”

He carefully put the necklace and earrings on her. The delicate flowers meandered around her neck and emphasized the curves of her bosom and collarbone. Her fingers stroked the delicate gold work.

“It’s just like...”

She blushed shyly. His voice was hoarse and raw.

“I know. It belongs on you.”

Her kiss was soft and hesitant.

“I have nothing for you...”

He took a deep breath and held her hands against his chest and leaned his forehead against hers as he often did when they were discussing intimate matters.

“Charlotte, I only need you. Preferably naked in my arms but then we will never leave this room in time and you deserve to go to the opera. To me you are as beautiful walking on the cliff road with your hair down and wind-blown as you are now wearing the best that London haute couture can offer. You are moving into a new world and I want you to feel as equal as anyone you encounter. No one will be looking at me tonight, all eyes will be on you – and rightfully so because look at you... (he tilted her chin to meet her eyes.) I am so proud to be your husband and escorting you to the opera. Two outliers together.”

He kissed her softly and gently wiped a stray tear away from her cheek.

“Tom and Mary are already downstairs. Shall we?”

He offered her his arm.

It was like walking into a dream. Lights lit up the golden details in the impressive opera house, Charlotte had never seen anything like it, her eyes flew around the magnificent room and tried to take everything in. Even Esther was overawed but in her usual understated way. Charlotte squeezed Sidney’s arm; he was more focused on his wife's excitement than the grandeur of the room. The golden surroundings emphasized her colors and her eyes were glowing and sparkling and lips... she bit her lower lip as she always did when she was nervous. He shifted in his walk.

“Please don’t bite your lip, my love. You have to know by now what it does to me.”

His eyes were dark and she instantly let go of her lip and it bobbed deliciously back to place. That was almost worse. He was just about to give a damn about decorum and kiss her when Mr. Hoare’s voice broke through the tension.

“Lord and Lady Babington, Mr. and Mrs. Parker and Mr. and Mrs. Parker – how pleasant to see you again. This Mrs. Hoare – an avid opera goer.”

Mrs. Hoare was a short stout but pretty woman with round brown eyes and an unruly head of curls that pins struggled to keep at bay. She had a curious, mischievous and intelligent glimpse in her eyes and Sidney could suddenly see why Mr. Hoare had been more than smitten with Charlotte. He had chosen a wife with similar determinate and stubborn traits. Mrs. Hoare took both of Charlotte’s hands.

“I have heard so much about you, Mrs. Parker. And I can tell that my husband did not exaggerate.”

Charlotte blushed with a big smile.

“I hope only good things. I tend to be too opinionated and headstrong.”

“That is why you impressed him – don’t doubt yourself, you are not too anything.”

Sidney liked Mrs. Hoare and smiled to himself as she repeated his advice to Charlotte.

Well seated in a private box on the balcony they all looked expectantly towards the scene. Mrs. Hoare sat next to Charlotte and quickly summed up the plot of La Donna del Lago. Charlotte was at the edge of her seat in excitement and Sidney fell in love with her all over again – she never pretended to be more or less than she was, or feel more or less than she felt. She was so pure and wonderful as she sat there with her hands grasped at the upholstered railing.

Sidney sat in his chair, resting his head in his hand and experienced the entire opera through the expressions of Charlotte. Adorable small gasps escaped her as the love triangle unfolded itself, tears fell from her eyes when Elena thought her love was lost and again in relief when the two lovers were reunited.

“Oh, that was wonderful.”

Charlotte stood up and clapped. Mrs. Hoare gave her a warm hug.

“It is nice to meet a fellow opera enthusiast. Please allow me to invite you again, my dear.”

And just like that – as she always did without knowing Charlotte had charmed her way into a new friendship.

Mary and Tom had obviously not had the same delightful experience as Charlotte. They nodded off on the relatively short drive home to Bedford Place and Sidney did not waste the opportunity to kiss Charlotte rather passionately. She leaned in and whispered in his ear.

“I do have something for you if you are not too tired...”

Sidney shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. It woke up Tom and Mary and a few minutes later they reached Bedford Place.

Charlotte sent Sidney a shy smile.

“Meet me in the bedroom in half an hour.”

“And how wou..”

She interrupted him. Her voice was teasing.

“Undressed.”

Are you completely under her spell?

Chapter Text

Four months and two weeks after the wedding

“A baby boy!”

Charlotte met Sidney’s eyes across their desks and held up a letter.

“Esther and Babington had a baby boy...”

Lady Denham woke up in a jolt.

“I do not care much for children but I suppose we would have to go see the wee thing... probably a noisy and tedious little creature.”

She looked hopefully at Sidney and Charlotte. Sidney got up and stretched his long limbs before he sat down in the chair next to her.

“Thank you for not making me fight you to go see your niece’s firstborn child. I shall write Babington that they can expect us three days from now.”

He kissed the back of her hand and winked at her. She snorted at him but the corners of her mouth curled happily.

Three days later the three of them arrived at Babington’s estate. Lady Denham had muttered the entire way about the inconvenience of having children but was the first to get out of the carriage - without waiting for Sidney to help her.

Babington was beaming with pride and Esther looked unusually soft and happy, the birth had gone very well and the little boy was easy. Lady Denham sat impatiently on the edge of her chair.

“Alright, alright. I will hold the little nuisance if you insist.”

Esther rolled her eyes and picked up the little bundle and placed him gently in the old lady’s arms. Lady D rocked him slowly back and forth and giggled when a tiny pink hand grabbed her finger and held on tight.

“When you get older you must meet my little friend, Adam. You will like him. He is a pretty little lad like you.”

Her voice was low and whispering as if she was letting him in on a secret.

“She really dislikes children, huh?”

Charlotte laughed quietly at Esther’s dry remark. The little boy began making complaining sounds and Lady D handed him instantly to Sidney. Calmly he rocked the baby who almost fitted in his big warm palm and the boy silenced. Sidney’s eyes glowed with affection and Charlotte swooned, he was going to make as wonderful a father as he was a husband. She recalled all the moments with Tom and Mary’s children and imagined him holding their own baby. Her heart swelled with love and expectations at the thought.

That night Charlotte lay next to Sidney in bed flat on her stomach still feeling the aftermath of their tender love making in her body. Sidney was lying on his side and stroked her up and down her back, following the curves of her body with his fingers.

“Are you impatient?”

“Of what?”

“Having our own children...”

He leaned down and kissed her, buying time to weigh his words.

“No... I hope we will raise a family – and I would be lying if I told you that the thought of having children with you didn’t cross my mind every time, I saw you with Tom and Mary’s children but we are still new and I enjoy that we have time to grow together as a couple.”

“My mother had two children by the time she was my age.”

“And my mother had been married for three years before Tom was born. It will happen, when it happens. Until then we will simply continue practicing, Mrs. Parker.”

Chapter Text

Five months after the wedding

“How does it work if I wish to buy something? We have never discussed this and I haven’t been in need of something so far.”

Sidney stopped and faced Charlotte. They were walking on the cliff road and the wind was playing with her curls and she looked beautiful and so much like his Charlotte that he for a moment forgot what she had asked him.

“You are right we haven’t discussed it – I apologize. We will buy it for you.... it is your money too, you know. Is there something in particular that you want?”

She took a deep breath.

“Legally it is your money, Sidney...”

His hands cupped her face and he kissed her longer and more passionately than was appropriate on a public road.

“I am not bound to you by legislation, Charlotte, but mutual love and respect. We are equal partners and I have not treated you as such in these matters. I will remedy that. Tell me what you want and I will be more than happy to escort you when you buy it.”

“I am used to being part of the daily operations of an estate and I miss that. To be outside, to be active. Don’t misunderstand me, I love our time together in the library and the study but running a place like this takes more than keeping ledgers in order and writing letters. Therefor I would like to have my own horse and be able to go with you.”

He looked surprised at her.

“Good point. I know just the man to see about a horse. Is there more you would like?”

“Yes... a hunting rifle and some clothes fit for working and hunting. And I would like to understand your business too, Sidney...”

“Our business, Charlotte. And I shall enjoy having you as my partner in that as well.”

The horses in Mr. Gerald’s stud were well-bread and beautiful beasts. Sidney’s own black stallion was from here and he wanted Charlotte to have nothing less. Mr. Gerald showed them proudly around the stables and finally pointed towards two horses.

“Spirit Lily and Napoleon would be very suited for a lady.”

Charlotte strode straight past them to a box in the far corner where a mare with shining dark brown skin was kicking agitated against the sides of the box. Mr. Gerald went after her.

“Mrs. Parker, Amazon is really not sui...”

Sidney held his arm out in front of Mr. Gerald to stop him. Charlotte stood calmly in front the box with her head slightly tilted towards the floor. Amazon continued to lash out against the walls. Mr. Gerald looked desperately at Sidney.

“Mr. Parker, that horse is stubborn with a hot temper and no one can get near her. We intend to use her for breading only...”

Charlotte didn’t move and eventually Amazon’s kicks slowed down and she whinnied. Charlotte carefully took a step closer, still tilting her head. After a few minutes Amazon stood still too and lowered her head and nuzzled her forehead gently against Charlotte’s. They didn’t move for a while then Charlotte raised her hands and stroked Amazon’s soft mule. Sidney could see her talking to it, still looking down. Finally, Charlotte raised her head and looked Amazon in the eyes and nodded, the horse nodded back. Without breaking eye contact with the horse, Charlotte held out her hand.

“Halter, please.”

Shocked Mr. Gerald picked a halter and walked towards her. Amazon started to move uneasy but Charlotte slowly shook her head and the mare relaxed. He handed her the halter from as far away as he could and backed away, Charlotte held it in front of Amazon and waited. After a few minutes Amazon lowered her head and Charlotte slid the halter on her, let go and opened the door to the box and waited again. Hesitantly Amazon trotted out and Charlotte grabbed it gently and the stunning beast calmly followed her.

"This is the one!”

Sidney smiled to himself, two female warriors teaming up. Of course. He reminded himself to ask Mr. Heywood about Charlotte’s control over animals.

Mr. Gerald just nodded.

“And a side saddle, Mrs. Parker?”

“I would like both, Mr. Gerald. I find a normal saddle to be safer and more comfortable when in a hurry.”

Nothing she said seemed to surprise him anymore. He just bowed in respect.

“Certainly Mrs. Parker. We shall have that delivered for you along with the beast.”

“No, I would like some reins to walk Amazon home with us. We are still getting acquainted and I cannot leave her now.”

Sidney laughed. Mr. Gerald nodded.

“Will you make sure that Mrs. Parker gets the best equipment you can offer, Mr. Gerald?”

“Certainly, Sir.”

Amazon walked next to Charlotte, brushing her mule against her shoulder. Sidney braided his fingers with Charlotte’s free hand and whispered.

“Am I allowed to speak with you?”

“Of course.”

“Please tell me what that was about?”

“What?”

“That thing that you did back there...”

“I just let her know that I wouldn’t do anything until she allowed me to.”

“Ah, I see.”

They walked a little in silence.

“Thank you for this.”

She sent him a bright smile, her eyes sparkled with delight and joy.

“My honor. The hunting rifle we will probably have to order from London. I trust that you know what you want in that department as well, Mrs. Parker?”

His voice was teasing.

“I have always dreamed of a Holland & Holland over-and-under rifle but less will do.”

“A Holland & Holland it is. There is another more delicate matter though...”

“Yes?”

“The saddle. How do you intend to...”

“Back home I wore a pair of old overalls of my brother’s but I imagine that won’t do here (she giggled) My mother talked about sewing me a suit that looked like a dress when on the ground but parted like pants when on a horse. Would that be too embarrassing for you?”

She bit her lower lip and he immediately hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her close. He nipped her lip with his and brushed the tip of her tongue with his before twirling into a hot kiss.

“You could never embarrass me, Charlotte. I want you to feel free to pursuit your dreams. We will do things our way.”

Chapter Text

Five months and one week after the wedding

Unlike their other mornings Sidney had rushed out of bed, dressed and gone for breakfast before Charlotte. When she got down to the breakfast room, he was ready to leave the house, he sent her boyishly happy smile and kissed her.

“I have to go to town to pick something up. Is there anything you need there?”

Charlotte examined his face; she had the feeling he was up to something and just shook her head.

“Only your quick return.”

He kissed her again and almost forgot that he had to go somewhere.

“Wait for me in the study...”

The words sent shivers down her spine and her skin prickled. His voice had such an impact on her that she could lose herself listening to him telling her about lumber or the number of asses in the Sanditon House’s stables.

On her desk lay a small book, its cover worn from being read many times. It was the poems by William Wordsworth that Sidney had read out loud on their way to London months ago. She recognized it immediately – there was a letter too and her heart jumped in her ribcage with joy. He still wrote her letters and left small notes for her but she had a feeling this letter was something more. Her fingers gently brushed the cover of the book and she picked up the letter and the scent of Sidney hit her nose like a warm embrace. She broke the seal carefully and admired his elegant and energetic handwriting before she started reading.

Love of my life,

Today is the anniversary of the first time I looked into your beautiful brown eyes and my shield had the first crack. I know you think that I didn’t care much for you in the beginning but nothing could be further from the truth.

The poems of William Wordsworth have been a faithful companion of mine since my younger years – a reminiscence of my immature and foolish love but one is allowed a little folly is one not? The second my eyes met yours it reminded me of a certain poem of WW. You see, I already knew then that I was lost.

I hope that you will allow me to read the poem to you tonight in our bed. One year of love, Charlotte.

I will love you always,

Your devoted and very happy husband

A tear slid slowly down her cheek. There was a bookmark – a scrap of paper with her handwriting, Important! Bank papers for Sidney, he had kept a simple note all this time because she had written it.

He had written in the margin of the poem:

June 3rd, 1819

Miss Charlotte Heywood...

It was a little smudged as if he had stroked her name with his fingers when reading the poem.

One the verses was carefully underlined.

She was a Phantom of Delight

She was a phantom of delight
When first she gleamed upon my sight;
A lovely Apparition, sent
To be a moment's ornament;
Her eyes as stars of Twilight fair;
Like Twilight's, too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful Dawn;
A dancing Shape, an Image gay,
To haunt, to startle, and way-lay.

I saw her upon a nearer view,
A Spirit, yet a Woman too!
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin liberty;
A countenance in which did meet
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A Creature not too bright or good
For human nature's daily food;
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine;
A Being breathing thoughtful breath,
A Traveler between life and death;
The reason firm, the temperate will,
Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;
A perfect Woman, nobly planned,
To warm, to comfort, and command;
And yet a Spirit still, and bright,
With something of angelic light.

She was still shedding happy tears when Sidney returned with two footmen carrying two trunks. They put them on the floor and left without a word. He wrapped his arms around her and kicked the door shut behind him as he had the habit of doing. This time he let himself get lost in the sweetness of her mouth, pulled their clothes aside and made tender love to her leaning against her desk. Afterwards they held on to each other trying to catch their breath and Sidney laughed shyly.

“I apologize, I don’t know what came over me.”

“I find that I did not mind the least.”

They composed themselves and he took her hand and led her over to the two trunks.

“Your order has arrived, Mrs. Parker.”

She looked a little confused and opened the small trunk first. It was the Holland & Holland rifle of her dreams. It was beautiful and she stroked the shining wood with her fingers.

“I really expect us to win the shooting competition, Charlotte!”

She burst out laughing.

“I better practice then, Sidney.”

“Now open the big trunk. I took the liberty to write Lady Susan’s modiste and this is what she came up with. I hope it is to your liking.”

There were three riding suits in the trunk. An elegant traditional one in a midnight blue with gold details, a black top hat with a little veil attached. The other two were suits with dress pants ingeniously designed to look like a dress but in two pieces with a high waisted bottom overlapped by a top making it look like a full dress. One was in a dark olive-green tweed for everyday use and the other in a finer material and every bit as elegant as the traditional suit. Charlotte gasped.

“Oh, they are beautiful, Sidney.”

“Put one on and meet me at the stables. I’ll go get our horses ready.”

Seeing his wife put her foot in the stirrup and swing her other leg confidently over and straddling herself happily in the saddle might well be the best thing Sidney had ever seen. She looked free, content, confident and very alluring.

They rode off and soon they were racing in a neck breaking speed. Charlotte was an excellent rider and Sidney had to do his best to keep up with her. It was obvious that she had started out in a very young age. Together they examined the estate, spoke to the foremen and got a good overview of the various activities of Sanditon House and Denham Place.

They came across a clearing in a small wood with a small hunting cabin.

“I have heard Lady D talk about the hunting cabin but I am not sure she has ever been here.”

Sidney opened the door; It was a comfortable room, well-kept and clean. Simply decorated with a small wooden table, 4 chairs, a small stove and a bed covered in furs and blankets. His eyes lingered at the bed and he felt a familiar twitch between his legs but it was getting late. Reluctantly he closed the door again and they mounted their horses to get back for dinner.

Buns and books, all you need for perfect happiness

Chapter Text

Five months and nine days after the wedding

As promised Sidney had explained his rather comprehensive businesses to Charlotte. They had gone through ledgers and he had thoroughly answered all her questions and quite frankly been impressed by her quick understanding and insight. She was indeed an equal partner in everything.

It was early afternoon.

“I want to go for a ride, would you care to join me, Sidney?”

“I would love nothing more but I still have quite a few letters to write.”

“Let me help you.”

“No, you go ahead. I’ll see you later for tea.”

Sidney leaned back in his chair. She walked around the two desks and sat on his lap, her slender arms around his neck; she buried her nose in the corner of his neck and his scent swept through her and made her a little dizzy.

“I’ll go check that Denham Place is ready for Lord Courtland and the Prince when they arrive tomorrow. Come join me if you can spare the time otherwise, I will be back in time for tea.”

Reluctantly she extracted herself from his embrace and went to change.

Denham Place was more than ready and the staff was excited to greet the very first seasonal guests. They proudly talked Charlotte through their preparations and showed her all the rooms that each had been given a personal touch for each of the guests on the provided guest list; a small bottle of favorite perfume, a cigar, a scarf or a book. Satisfied with everything Charlotte mounted Amazon again. 

 She couldn’t wait to see her friend again. Susan had been generous with her letters but nothing compared to her company. She was a true confident in every sense and Charlotte especially cherished her guidance in the more... delicate matters... as well.

It was a hot summers day and Charlotte let Amazon set the pace – for Amazon that was somewhere between gallop and neck breaking speed. She enjoyed the sea breeze against her face. Suddenly she heard hoofs approaching behind her and halted expecting it to be Sidney.

“Miss Heywo... Mrs. Parker! My apologies. I thought it looked like you!”

A happy Lord Courtland smiled at her.

“Lord Courtland! Would ‘Charlotte’ be simpler for you to remember?”

He blushed slightly.

“Certainly. But would it be proper?”

“I believe it would be more proper than you addressing me as if I was still unmarried.”

He blushed even more.

“Good point, Charlotte. But only if you call me Bryce.”

“Well then, Bryce. What brings you to Sanditon a day early?”

“Can you keep a secret, Charlotte?”

“I should think so.”

“After spending 3 months together travelling the continent, I needed a bit of time alone. The two weeks in London were packed with social events. Eliza was quite unstoppable.”

Charlotte laughed. Lord Courtland took a deep breath – she was every bit as breathtaking as he remembered her.

“You secret is safe with me. I don’t mean to pry but it sounds as if you have come to an understanding with Mrs. Campion?”

He swallowed.

“Not yet. Not officially. I was not sure that I was suited for matrimony – that I was destined to remain alone and fall in and out of love on a whim. But you once advised me to let love grow.”

“I don’t believe I offered it as advise – I recall I said that I did not fall in love easily.”

“Touche! It still sounded like a good advice to me. And Eliza and I have spent time together getting to know each other and I have grown to love her.”

He hoped that she didn’t catch the unsaid continuance, but she is not you...

“But you have not proposed yet?”

“No... ”

A sad shadow passed Charlotte’s face and it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Then let me offer you a piece of advice. If your heart is settled don’t postpone too long.”

Lord Courtland had heard enough of the hardship of Mr. and Mrs. Parker to understand the meaning. He nodded. Charlotte shook the gloomy feeling off with a bright smile.

“Please follow me back to Sanditon House for tea and dinner. If you don’t mind our company imposing on your solitude? I would love to hear more of your adventures.”

“I would love your company, Charlotte.”

His gaze was too intense and dark and she gave Amazon a light kick and took off, Lord Courtland followed.

Later that evening in bed Charlotte was stretched out on top of Sidney’s back, listening to his heartbeat and drawing circles on his shoulder blades.

“Lord Courtland is about to propose to Eliza.”

“That is a good thing... I am happy for them.”

“You sound surprised, Sidney.”

He tried to weigh his words...

“I just thought he was...”

...but failed and paused.

“Smitten by someone else?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Yes.”

“His heart might have met a dead end causing him not to fall head over heels in love with her but they have had time to get to know, respect and love each other.”

“You are a wise woman, Mrs. Parker.”

“And a lucky woman, Mr. Parker.”

Chapter Text

Five months and two weeks after the wedding

It was the first time Charlotte opted for the side saddle. She and Sidney were headed for the shooting contest arranged by Lord Courtland and the Prince Regent and Sidney had asked if she wanted to drive or ride. Horse it was and Charlotte felt that the side saddle was best suited for the occasion.

Pure elegance walked down the stairs; the midnight colored riding suit fit her slim frame perfectly and emphasized her confidence. Though Sidney preferred her with her curls hanging loose nothing prepared him of the sight of Charlotte wearing a black top hat with the black mesh veil that added a seductive layer over her sparkling brown eyes. Memories of Charlotte in her nightdresses flashed before his eyes. Her curls were loosely pinned in a soft hairdo in the back. Her lips shined like two plump berries. She was stunning and she even knew it herself – her hand pressed firmly against his chest when she reached him. Her smile indicated that she was content with the reviewing pace of his heart and she kissed him. A fresh scent of flowers, oranges, summer rain, naked skin – all that was his Charlotte – hit him with a new force and he pulled her in for another kiss. The veil tickled his nose and he groaned desperately.

“God, you look beautiful, Charlotte. Could we stay at home, please?”

“We promised to go and I really want to win... But I can give Hetty the night off?”

“Please do...”

The impact of Charlotte arriving on horse, the quintessence of beautiful and dark elegance was not wasted on the male part of the Denham Place guests – and as consequence nor by the female part. Susan smiled proudly and observed the reaction of everybody, Eliza looked defeated and would probably have returned to her old self had she seen the object of her love with his mouth open and desire in his eyes. Luckily, she didn’t. Sidney noticed the admiration though and let her slide slower and closer down his body as he helped her descend Amazon than was strictly appropriate. She was his and he couldn’t help but mark his territory.

Refreshments were served in tents placed close by the skeet shooting range – gazebos were strategically placed to provide shade for the ladies in the company.

Five teams were listed on the big score board from the billiard room. Eliza and Susan had been appointed to keep score and after her initial shock over Charlotte’s appearance Eliza could actually admire a fellow lady participating in a man’s sport.

The rules were simple; one point for every hit skeet. Three missed and the shooter was out leaving the other team member to fence for himself – and reducing the number of shots by half. The Prince joyfully announced ladies first and Charlotte placed the first shot and the skeet burst apart. Lord Courtland was next and delivered a perfect shot as well. It took two full rounds before the first shooter missed and another three before the first man was out.

Quickly there was only three teams left; Charlotte and Sidney, Lord Courtland and the Prince, and two noblemen of their acquaintance. A few rounds more and it was down between Charlotte and Lord Courtland. She was getting tired; the rifle was getting heavier for each shot – and she held up her hand to mark a pause, walked to Lord Courtland and whispered something in his ear. He looked at her and nodded with a big laugh.

“Ladies and gentlemen. Mrs. Parker has suggested to raise the stakes, a double pull. First man or woman to miss twice loses. I must insist, Mrs. Parker – ladies first.”

“Of course, Lord Courtland. If you wish to drag your defeat.”

She walked back to her spot and picked up the rifle.

“PULL!!”

Two skeets dropped to the ground in pieces. Applause all over. She handed the weapon back to the helper and smiled at Lord Courtland and arched an eye brow as if to say, bring it on!

He looked a little less confident but hit both. The applause was less loud – people were rooting for Mrs. Parker.

In a strike of luck, the two skeets aligned in the air and Charlotte hit both in one shot. It threw her opponent so much off his guard that he missed one. Sidney clenched his jaw; this was too exciting and he really wanted her to win but he could see the exhaustion on her. But she was stubborn as well and he watched her determinately straighten her small frame and ready herself for the next shot. She hit both again and almost dropped the rifle but her helper was prepared and caught it before anyone noticed.

“Do you need a break, Lord Courtland?”

She was doing her best to distract him.

“After I have won, Mrs. Parker!”

Lord Courtland might be a well-trained man but he was tired as well and as a result of a life of leisure much less determined and he missed the first skeet – after that it didn’t matter that he hit the second one so perfectly that it practically evaporated in the air.

With the sound of the applause the two shooters met midway to shake hands.

“I must say, Charlotte. You husband was right to boast about your shooting skills!”

“You were not too bad yourself, Bruce. But I must say that I am relieved that we are not facing another round. I am exhausted!”

He laughed.

“Is it safe to say that you beat me on raw willpower? Because I could hardly lift the rifle in the end myself.”

“That would not be a complete lie, Sir.”

“That’s a shame...”

“Why?”

“Because that means I will probably lose to you again next year!”

He bowed laughing and kissed the back of her hand.

“Congratulations, Mrs. Parker.”

It was Eliza handing her a glass of Champaign.

“Thank you, Mrs. Campion. Say, how did you enjoy the continent and the... ehm... company?”

She nodded discretely in the direction of Lord Courtland. Eliza blushed becomingly.

“The continent was beautiful and I hope that Lord Courtland and I have reached some kind of mutual understanding. He has not yet asked me but we have gotten... acquainted.”

Charlotte took her hand.

“I am happy to hear that. Perhaps he wanted to wait until you were home in your natural habitat?”

Eliza shrug her shoulders.

“And you... Six months of marriage, is it? Is there an heir on his way?”

She glanced at Charlotte’s flat stomach. A treacherous tear formed in Charlotte’s eye and Eliza clasped her mouth.

“Oh, I apologize. Coming from me I can see how that sounded. I didn’t mean it as an insult.”

Charlotte smiled palely.

“I am fine. No, there is no heir on his way.”

“I was married for ten years to Mr. Campion and no children. Given that it was a rather loveless marriage it suited me well. I have been wondering though if Lord Courtland is hesitant to propose because of it...”

“I cannot imagine but that is a conversation you ought to have with him. He loves you.”

Dinner was served outside in the tents; a buffet of mouthwatering treats that showed the skills of the cook and the quality and variety of the local produce.

Sidney sneaked up on Charlotte from behind and she felt his breath on her skin before she heard his voice.

“Are you ready to go home, Mrs. Parker?”

His lips were dangerously close to her ear and he could see her chest heaving heavily as result – it pleased him exceedingly that he had that effect on her. She nodded and turned to face him, he placed the top hat on her head and adjusted the veil and let his thumbs stroke her cheekbones. Her legs wobbled and she swayed against him. With a satisfied laugh he tucked her arm safely under his and escorted her around to say their goodbyes.

“What is it, Charlotte?”

She was staring at Amazon with hopelessness in her eyes and gave a small laugh.

“I am not sure how to mount her. My shoulder is sore and I have no strength left in my arm.”

Before she had finished the sentence her mountain of a husband had lifted her up in the saddle and let his hands run down her legs.

“Allow me to remedy that when we get home, Mrs. Parker.”

I will need our coach and my hat right away!

Chapter Text

Six months and three weeks after the wedding

As promised – or rather as commanded the entire Heywood family filled every guestroom at Sanditon House for the regatta. Lady Denham shed a few tears of joy when Adam leapt from his mother’s arm to her embrace and despite her utterings to the contrary, she looked delighted to see him again and soon the two friends were off on adventure. Rumors had that Lady Denham was seen on a blanket on the beach under an umbrella assisting Adam in building a sand castle.

Sidney was prepared for his special friend as well. Cases of vintage cognac was stocked and ready for many a night in the company of William Heywood – and eventually Crowe and Babington when they arrived. And on this very first day instead of taking tea with women and children they had withdrawn to Sidney’s study to sample the goods.

“I have to ask you something, William.... about your daughter...”

William raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

“I told you in advance that she was headstrong and opinionated, Sidney. There is nothing I can do to help you now!”

Sidney laughed.

“Well, you are close. We went to buy Charlotte a horse and she – of course – chose the most stubborn and unruly of them all.... and... how shall I put it... put it under her spell just by standing in front of it. Is that something you taught her?”

A thundering laughter rumbled from his father in law.

“Aaaah, I take it she has never told you about Big Bob? Oh, that was a mean beast of a bull... Charlotte must have been no more than five years old when she suddenly found herself inside Big Bob’s enclosure. The men and I stood outside not knowing what would be safest for her; to leave her be or try to distract Big Bob with one of us. But the wee thing just stood there, head bent and waited – without a scare in the world. Big Bob scraped his hoof in the dirt and snorted, not sure what to do with that tiny creature. After a while he turned soft as s kitten and nuzzled his big head against hers, almost knocked her over. She padded him and we thought it was safe to collect her, but oh noo... now Big Bob was protecting her against us. He was furious and we didn’t dare to do anything than back away afraid that he would turn on her. Charlotte was a smart girl and walked slowly to the other end of the enclosure away from us … Big Bob trotting after her like a giant dog... and crawled out under the fence in the other end and walked back.”

That sounded very much like Charlotte, Sidney thought.

“Wasn’t she terrified?”

“No, I was. Petrified! But she was not. When I could ask how she knew what to do without crying, that little girl answered. ‘Papa, I thought Big Bob might be scared of me popping up unexpectedly. And I wanted to show him that I was a kind girl and nothing to be afraid of. I bowed my head to show respect.’ Imagine her thinking that she was dangerous one... After that Charlotte was the one who made Big Bob move enclosure – I wouldn’t let her inside to him of course – but the sight of her was enough and he would hopscotch to her like a happy puppy.”

William chuckled to himself. Sidney held up his glass.

“To Charlotte – the beast tamer!”

“To Charlotte!”

William continued.

“But when it came to brutes, she didn’t bend her head or walk slowly away. I tell you she would take on the biggest boy in the parish if she saw injustice or bullying. The bruises that girl would come home with – proud of every bloody nose and black eye. She is a warrior!”

The lump in Sidney’s throat was hard to swallow and he felt a few tears pressing. His Charlotte, fearless and wonderful. He could very well imagine her pick a fight – as she had with him – to defend someone.

It was getting close to dinner time and taught by former visits Charlotte sent sandwiches to the study instead of calling the two gentlemen to dinner. She could hear them crying with laughter from the hallway and her heart swelled with joy over their relationship.

The séance repeated itself numerous nights especially after Crowe and Babington arrived as well. Sidney would sneak into bed as quietly as he could which meant knocking over a few chairs, stumble out of his clothes and shout declarations of love to her in his softest wHISpering voice.

One evening they had gone to play billiard with the gentlemen at Denham Place and came home in the early hours of the morning jackets and waistcoats gone, drunk and singing sea shanties at the top of their lungs. Charlotte waited for them at the top of the stairs with her hands on her sides and a firm look shushing them.

“We better do as she says, lads. If she fetches Mrs. Heywood we are in serious trouble!”

William winked at his daughter and got a scowl in return. Charlotte was not in the mood.

“I’ll handle this!”

Sidney leapt up the stairs two steps at a time and scooped up Charlotte and carried her inside their bedroom. It was safe to say that he was in an amorous mood and it was equally safe to say that she wasn’t. The look she sent him silenced him instantly and he let her pull of his boots and pants.

“I LOVE you, CharLOTte!”

“Goodnight, Sidney!”

Chapter Text

Six months and nearly four weeks after the wedding

Sanditon was marinated in London ton in town for the regatta and Tom could hardly contain his enthusiasm and delight. And they let him – this was after all if not his doing then at least his dream.

The weather was perfect for such an occasion. A mild sea breeze and a thin layer of clouds turned down the heat of the sun a little.

Sixteen teams had signed up for the regatta and they would have to send them out in four different rounds and let the round winners meet in a finale. The rumors of Lord Courtland and the Prince Regent participating had both brought spectators and contestants.

Tents and gazebos covered the riverbank and there was a bustle of people everywhere. The Heywoods had never seen anything like it and for the first time since Mr. Heywood had drunkenly accepted to be the cox of the Babington and Crowe boat, he looked forward to it. There were significantly fewer people on the river than on the riverbank.

Mrs. Heywood, Mary, Lady Denham and Esther had placed themselves under a gazebo with a good view of the finish line. They were looking after the youngest children who played merrily. Adam was tired and lay with his head in Lady D’s lap and toyed drowsily with a small wooden boat that she had given him.

Charlotte was down by the starting line coordinating the teams and the equipment. She could hardly believe how much had happened since that day a year ago were Sidney had taken her out in the boat and placed his hands on hers. Today, he was laughingly preparing for the race with his brothers and bantering with the other teams.

“Mrs. Parker!”

It was Stringer with a beautiful blond woman on his arm.

“May I introduce you to Miss O’Connell? She is the garden architect along with her father behind the parks and the maze.”

“Ah, of course. I have heard so much about you, Miss O’Connell. You have done a beautiful job with the green areas in Sanditon. I am very pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise, Mrs. Parker. James has told me so much about you. I am happy to have been a part of it. I never imagined that a banker like Mr. Hoare would take on a young woman and her father for a big job like this.”

“No, but my experience is that he is not as traditionally minded as his profession indicates.”

“He has revealed that it was his encounter with you that made him choose us...”

Charlotte smiled shyly.

One by one the teams came up to pull a number for their first round. Stringer was the first and the workers team were in round three.

For the Prince and Lord Courtland’s team it was a smiling Eliza who came to pick a number.

“I have agreed to be the cox of the boat, Mrs. Parker. I thought if you can compete and win in a shooting contest, I can let myself enjoy a nice rowing trip on a river issuing orders.”

Eliza laughed a tinkling laughter and Charlotte hoped that this was the version that Sidney had been in love with a decade ago.

“I cannot root for you to win but I can wish you the best of luck, Mrs. Campion.”

Eliza picked a number from the bowl.

“Ah, how nice. We are in round one, that will give us time to rest before the finale.”

She sent Charlotte a bright smile and walked back to her team.

“Round four! Bloody hell, that leaves us no time before the finale!!”

“You are getting ahead of yourself, Crowe. You may not win round four.”

Her voice was teasing and Crowe leaned in over the table.

“You forget, Mrs. Parker, that I don’t care how I win.”

“Is this gentleman bothering you, Mrs. Parker?”

It was Sidney who had come to pick a number for Team Parker.

“Oh no, Sir. Me goin’, Sir.”

Crowe backed away with a smirk.

Sidney stole a kiss and let his hand brush the small of her back.

“This part of the day brings back very fond memories...”

“Pick a number, Mr. Parker! You are distracting me and people are staring.”

“Round two... will you cheer me on, Charlotte?”

“I am not sure... there are so many good teams...”

He placed his mouth distractingly close to her ear and whispered hoarsely.

“It doesn’t matter - I already have the prize, I hoped for....”

Charlotte swayed dizzily against him but was pulled out of her haze by the last team coming up to pick a round.

The first fire boats lined up for round one. Eliza enjoyed the stares as she settled in her seat ready to go. She looked calm and composed at first but being competitive by nature she soon threw all her high society airs overboard and yelled at the Prince and Lord Courtland; she raised her arms in victory as they won superiorly. Lord Courtland gallantly helped Eliza out of the boat and if Charlotte had been at the finish line, she would have noticed that something had changed in the way he looked at Eliza – he was truly in love now.

The Parker brothers jumped in the boat. Arthur with his normal jolly smile as cox, Sidney and Tom ready to pull the oars. The race started and the brothers were off to a poor start and all jolliness disappeared from Arthur’s face.

“POWER THIRTY IN TWO!... ONE!... TWO!.... TOM! DOWN AND AWAY.... AND POWER TWENTY... TWO!... ONE!... COME ON PARKERS! TWO!...ONE!...

Slowly they caught up and were soon out of Charlotte’s eyesight. The teams in round three got ready at the starting line and Stringer waved happily at Miss O’Connell. One of the teams were drunk and quickly steered directly into the reeds. Crowe burst out with laughter and mocked them and Mr. Heywood and Babington tried to make him tone it down a little – Crowe was after all not too sober himself and this time he was not the cox. Stringer and his men, strong from hard labor had no difficulty in beating the remaining two teams of London ton.

Charlotte went to wish her father and friends the best of luck, her father did not seem totally convinced that they stood a chance but he would enjoy to see Crowe slave at the oars nonetheless. He turned out to be right. They finished last and Crowe complained loudly and tossed around accusations of cheating before Mr. Heywood grabbed the flask out of his pocket and handed it to him.

The four round winners returned to the starting line and Charlotte was happy to see Sidney and his brothers among them and it hardly came as a surprise to her that her father, Crowe and Babington were not. Eliza was beaming with joy caught up in a conversation with Lord Courtland, her normally impeccable hairdo was a bit ruffled and made her look more beautiful than ever. To Charlotte’s unbecoming relief Sidney only had eyes for his wife and strode directly to her.

“You did cheer, didn’t you?”

“How could I not?”

She watched them start and then ran as dignified as she could across the hill to the finish line where she joined Susan just in time to see the four boats appear. The London boat was lacking behind but it was a close race between Team Prince, Team Stringer and Team Parker. While Susan was more composed in her cheering Charlotte was hopping up and down. All the men were soaked in sweat and their shirts clung to their bodies. She could see the muscles in Sidney’s arms and broad back work and his clenched jaw – he was focused and pulled the oars steadily the boat sliced through the water as a hot knife through butter. Susan leaned in without taking her eyes away from the rowing men.

“It’s a fine sport don’t you find?...”

Charlotte blushed and laughed shyly. Indeed, it was. The field moved closer to the finish line; they were inches apart. She could hear the three coxes yell commands at their teams. For a second it looked like the Parker boat would win but Stringer’s boat beat the other two by a hair’s breadth and all rowers collapsed exhausted over their oars.

Miss O’Connell was ready to congratulate Stringer and Sidney said in a low voice.

“Is that the prize you were hoping for?”

Stringer grinned and nodded. Sidney patted him on the shoulder.

“Well rowed, Stringer. Congratulations.”

The rowers and coxswains shook hands and congratulated the winning team before Captain Stringer was handed his second trophy from Susan.

An hour or so later the riverbank was nearly emptied of people and Sidney found Charlotte finishing up at the starting line.

“Mrs. Parker... would you help me balance a boat? I was clearly not ready this year either to pick up an oar.”

He jumped nimbly into one of the boats and reached out for her. She walked to him and he lifted her into the boat and rowed them away from the bank with a few strong strokes. He let them drift and took both her hands in his.

“Do you remember our last conversation here, Charlotte?”

“How could I not?”

“I find that I am well-suited to matrimony and definitely not meant to be without you.”

She smiled.

“We must be very compatible then.”

The dark look in his eyes made her blush.

“I love you, Charlotte.”

“I love you too, Sidney.”

I think I need fresh air and bracing exercise

Chapter Text

Seven months after the wedding

Those who knew Sidney well could hardly recognize him. The tall, dark brooding outlier who detested social events in general and balls in particular was all but happy smiles and laughs. And this evening he was smiling even more as he entered the assembly hall with Charlotte on his right arm and Lady D on his left. No one could doubt that this was a happy man indeed.

Everything was as it should be when Sidney brought his wife to the dance floor and lost himself in her big brown sparkling eyes. She looked particularly beautiful this evening in a bright yellow dress with gold details and small pearls – as a surprise for her he had commissioned a matching waistcoat, they belonged together and he wanted to show it. During the dance he took her hand and placed it on his chest and held her as tight as he possibly could without raising eyebrows, his mouth close to her ear, his voice soft and low.

“Can you feel how happy we are, my heart and I?”

She nodded; a tear glistened in the corner of her eye.

“I am too.”

Alas the two dances were over and Sidney escorted her back to Babington and Esther and went to fetch refreshments for his two ladies. Lady Denham was in a sort of happy mood as well.

“Ah, thank you Sidney. Sit with me for a while – you have at least four dances to endure before it is proper for you to dance with your wife again. No doubt she will take the floor again soon and you can brood over her cavalier from here.”

Sidney laughed.

“I am happy that you don’t expect me to take a turn with someone else, Lady D.”

“Oh no, I am not looking to punish you and I do not dislike your company... ah, look. Trouble just walked in.”

It was Eliza and Lord Courtland.

“Mrs. Campion is not trouble, Lady D. She hasn't been for a long time.”

“That’s a shame...”

After two dances where Charlotte was occupied on the dance floor as predicted Lady D waved her hand to signal that Sidney was free to go play with his friends. He gave her a small kiss on the back of hand and found Crowe gulping a glass of wine, he was his usual drunk self and looked at Sidney with disgust in his face.

“What is wrong with you? - You look different, I do not like it!”

“It is good to know that one of my closest friends prefer me heartbroken and brooding and not happy and in love.”

“Happy... well, don’t get used to it. Bitterness, my friend, is a constant companion whereas happiness is an unfaithful bitch.”

Sidney patted him on the shoulder.

“Good talk, Crowe... Good talk.”

Charlotte was dancing with cavalier number three. This time with Stringer beaming with happiness, he had proposed to Miss O’Connell and she had said yes.

“Oh, I am so happy for you both, Mr. Stringer. Does that mean you will not be pursuing my husband anymore?”

She winked at him. Stringer looked like a question mark at first but then the penny dropped and he blushed.

“I... eeehm... had forgotten about that. He told you, huh?”

Charlotte laughed.

“Yes, he was very proud when he came home that night that he had secured your affection.”

Stringer blushed even more and cleared his throat.

“I don’t hope you think too badly of me, Mrs. Parker?”

She turned serious.

“Not at all. Isn’t being loved what we all dream of? And you are a good man, Mr. Stringer.”

Stringer escorted her back but they were met by Crowe who wanted to take a turn with Charlotte. He was a bit unstable on his legs.

“Don’t worry, Charlotte. I have done worse less sober.”

“That is very comforting, Crowe.”

Surprisingly enough he was not a bad dancer, he even did his best to converse with her.

“You have broken Parker.”

“I am afraid you have to explain yourself, Crowe.”

He grinned and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“The man is happier than a fool and I blame you, Charlotte.”

“Ah, yes. I am sorry to have caused that. Have anyone broken you, Crowe?”

“No, I am the lucky one. Don’t let the man know that I am happy for him.”

“Your secret is safe with me... Crowe?”

“Yes, my dear Charlotte.”

“Thank you...”

Sidney watched nervously as Crowe danced with Charlotte. He was a good bloke but not always to be trusted when he was drunk but Charlotte seemed to have things under control. The second the music stopped he cut in to prevent Crowe a second dance.

“Did Crowe behave himself?”

“Yes. He was a perfect gentleman concerned about the welfare of his friend.”

“He had that talk with me too.”

“Have I broken you?”

Sidney’s face lit up in a bright happy smile.

“Completely. You have to keep me now.”

It was a dance where they had to switch partners and soon Charlotte and Sidney were facing Lord Courtland and Eliza.

“You look very happy, Sidney. It becomes you.”

Utter surprise passed his face.

“Come now, we have moved on. I have happy tidings myself. Lord Courtland just proposed to me on the balcony.”

Sidney smiled with a hint of bitterness.

“Well, I am glad to hear that the balcony could bring luck to someone...”

She gave him a questioning look.

“At the ball a year ago, I tried to propose to Charlotte not once but twice on that selfsame balcony.”

“I asked and Eliza said yes, Charlotte.”

“Oh, that is wonderful news, Bruce.”

“I am truly happy... I didn’t think that I would... after...”

“Lady Susan once told me that love is an affliction like the measles. You cannot determine who you fall in love with. Trust me I know this to be true. I saw you and Mrs. Campion at the regatta and you looked very compatible.”

The two couples changed back and hearts were where they belonged again.

“Meet me at the balcony...”

Sidney kissed Charlotte’s hand, the kiss and the words made her shiver. She followed his tall figure as it disappeared up the stairs. She made sure that no one saw her follow him. It was dark on the balcony.

“Are you there?”

“Over here.”

He pulled her into his arms.

“I think we are alone now...”

His voice was hoarse and whispering.

“Indeed, I hope we are...”

“Do you remember the last conversation, we tried to have on this balcony?”

“How could I forget?”

“A year ago, I was standing here waiting for you to come – I was the most nervous I've ever been hoping for happiness. Now I stood here waiting for you again and I'm happier than I thought possible.”

He brushed her forehead with his lips. Just a featherly kiss. Another one on the tip of her nose. His thumbs stroked her cheekbones. Light kisses followed their trail. Finally, his lips met hers. Brushing first, nipping ever so gently before deepening the kiss slowly and tenderly. This time there was no Edward, no fire, no rush and he took his time to build up the kiss. She was swaying in his arms enjoying the sensation of his butterfly touches. The tip of his tongue slid over her lips barely touching but she could feel the warm dampness of him like a caress. Her lips parted and he sucked lightly on her upper lip and found her tongue with his. How sweet she tasted. His tongue moved in her mouth like a rosebud opening its petals in slow motion and the world disappeared. All sounds muted and all lights went out. There was only the two of them on the balcony lost in a kiss.

Chapter Text

Ten months and a few weeks after the wedding

Christmas was coming along with snow and excitement over a first season in Sanditon very well done. The board had had quite a few meetings going over the numbers and planning the next developments of Sanditon. They agreed that it was a good idea to continue to auction various rentals and events combined with a New Year’s ball and so invitations had been send out and Susan was already setting cogs in motion.

Lady Denham left with Esther, Babington and little Fitzwilliam to spend Christmas with them. Fitzwilliam was a beautiful fair boy with reddish hair, a stubborn chin like his mother and the kind eyes and likeable nature of his father. Lady D had been busy during the month of November – first of all with finding Christmas presents for all the Heywood children, especially Adam. She had also had a secret meeting with a somewhat befuddled Mr. Stringer who now alternated between London and Sanditon, always in the company of his young and beautiful Mrs. Stringer.

“Welcome, Mr. Stringer.. and Mrs. Stringer.”

“Lady Denham...”

“I have the feeling that Mrs. Parker does not care much about the drawing room. She always retires to their study or the library. And then there is the matter of the.... (she looked at the spot stained by Clara and Edward)... never mind that... What can be done in a short matter of time, Mr. Stringer? You cannot start until she and Mr. Parker leave for Willingden for Christmas and I want it to be ready by the time they return home.”

Stringer looked around but it was Mrs. Stringer that spoke first.

“Mrs. Parker loves plants and nature. I suggest a softer and natural color scheme centered around potted plants. New drapes, a big rug and perhaps paint the statue in a white faux marble?”

Mr. Stringer looked at her with love and admiration.

“Yes, that could be done within the limited time frame. You have beautiful furniture; Lady Denham and they will only be enhanced by Mrs. Stringer’s idea. May I ask if there is a budget?”

“I trust you enough to let you have free hands with both budget and execution. You are not Tom Parker after all.”

Stringer blushed.

“I shall do my best to honor your regard in me. We will order the material and have everything ready to set in motion when they leave. If you could convince them to leave early and arrive late that would help, Lady Denham.”

“Very well, Mr. Stringer... and Mrs. Stringer.”

Unaware of Lady Denham’s plans Charlotte and Sidney had moved on with their own plans, also with the help of Mr. and Mrs. Stringer. A small rose garden on the outskirts of Sanditon with a view of both the sea and a field inhabited by asses. Esther and Babington were trusted with the box holding Mrs. Stringer’s beautiful drawings of the garden.

Charlotte and Sidney left for Willingden the day after Lady Denham and the Babingtons departure. Both excited to celebrate their first Christmas together and to spend it in the bustle of the big Heywood family. It was a relatively short journey of only 3 hours but Sidney still wrapped his wife up in furs, treated her to a glass of cognac and read poems to her. Being alone in the carriage she allowed herself to curl into his arms and lean her head against his chest.

It was a beautiful crisp day and the sun was still shining brightly when they arrived. After a warm and messy welcome followed a hot cup of tea and some sandwiches the two of them went outside to play with Charlotte’s young siblings. The building of a snowman turned into a snowball fight – girls against boys and Sidney soon learned that Charlotte’s shot was as accurate with a snowball as with a rifle. After being hit right on the forehead he yelled.

“Please be kind to me when you tell the tale of my heroic sacrifice!”

And then he ran against Charlotte, scooped her over his shoulder and plunged her in a big snow dive with himself on top of her. She was laughing hard, her cheeks were blushing, her curls curled curlier than ever – she was just beautiful and... he was just about to kiss her when the youngest children jumped on top of him in a big pile and pushed him against her. He stole a short kiss before he growled like a big bear and stood up grasping as many attackers as he could fit into his strong arms. Charlotte watched her husband and hoped that he would soon be able to play with their own children. Her train of thought was interrupted by two strong hands pulling her into a warm embrace. She hadn’t noticed her siblings running in and Sidney used the short moment of solitude to kiss and comfort her.

“It will happen when it happens, Charlotte.”

The days were spent walking in the snow crystal glittering surroundings of the Heywood estate, playing outside with Charlotte’s siblings, preparing food, decorating, reading and of course the annual round with baskets filled with treats for their tenants and those in need. It was very different from the pace and quietness home in Sanditon House and they both enjoyed every moment of it.

Sidney and Mr. Heywood retired to the study every evening for drinks and debate but were very careful not to overdo it this time. They had both been severely scolded by their wives after their last escapades and agreed not to walk into another tongue lashing this time. Sidney would go help out Mrs. Heywood with dinner or the children giving Charlotte time with her father. Mrs. Heywood was a bit surprised at first – this was not a gentleman’s tasks but Sidney insisted and soon you could see him lifting a heavy pot or setting the table with the help of Charlotte’s youngest sisters chatting away.

“Mrs. Heywood, may I ask your opinion on something?”

“Of course.”

He opened a big box lined with velvet and carefully took out a music box.

“It belonged to my mother. I know Charlotte loves to dance but since she is not much for things, I am not sure if it will be to her liking.”

Mrs. Heywood fondly patted his arm.

“Charlotte may not be in want of a lot of things but she will always appreciate a gift given from the heart. And knowing that it belonged to your mother will make it very dear to her just like the gold heart necklace you gave her.”

“Thank you.”

His voice had turned a bit mushy.

“Is he ready?”

Charlotte looked up at her father with sparkling eyes.

“Yes, he will be delivered here on Christmas morning.”

They were walking outside, just the two of them. Charlotte had her arm tucked under his.

“Do you remember the last time we walked here?”

“Yes... my heart was so broken.”

“But it is happy now?”

“So very much.”

“I sense a ‘but’.”

She looked at him with surprise.

“I cannot help but wonder if something is wrong...with me...”

“It will happen when it happens, Charlotte.”

This time she looked at him with astonishment.

“How did you... how...”

“I have seen the way you look at him when he plays with your young siblings. Give it time and enjoy what you have now. Your mother and I have not had a moment alone for 24 years and are not likely to for the next twelve to fifteen.”

He let out his warm and rumbling laugh. She laughed too and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, Papa.”

Christmas morning came and the excitement of the Heywood children was almost palpable. Sidney pulled in a big trunk and opened the lid. Inside were carefully wrapped presents with names written on them. Charlotte had insisted on bringing practical gifts, new clothes and footwear and Sidney had insisted on personal items as well. He wanted to spoil his new family and so there were toys, books and little pieces of jewelry as well. Each gift chosen to match the receiver. Charlotte’s oldest brother, John, was beaming with happiness over the new hunting rifle that Sidney had ordered to him from London. And then there were the gifts from Lady D. The Heywood children had never experienced such extravagance before and Charlotte sought her father’s eyes to see if it had been too much. He just smiled and patted the bottle of cognac from Sidney.

Sidney wrapped a soft black scarf around his neck with a big bright smile.

“I will never be cold again. Thank you, Alison!”

“Charlotte, this is for you.”

She let her fingers slide over the glossy surface of the lacquered wooden box before opening it. Inside was a new box with a beautiful golden pattern.

“What is it?”

She was almost whispering. Her siblings had gathered around her. Gently she lifted it out and when she carefully opened the lid a soft tune started to play. They all looked at it like it was pure magic and Sidney could tell that the wonders of a music box had not yet reached Willingden.

“It’s a music box. It belonged to my mother – it plays her favorite melody.”

“It is beautiful. Thank you, Sidney.”

He took her hand and kissed the back of it. They all sat for a while listening in awe to the music box before Charlotte got up and took Sidney’s hand.

“Your present is outside.”

She just threw a big shawl over her shoulders and with their fingers braided they closed the door behind them. Sidney pushed her gently against the wall and kissed her.

“I don’t need anything but you, Charlotte.”

“I know and I only need you too but I let you spoil me and we are after all equal partners.”

“Lead the way, Mrs. Parker.”

Small movements and little cries from a big basket revealed that something alive was inside.

“Open it, Sidney.”

He did and picked up a dark-brown fluffy ball of a puppy.

“Say hello to Heraclitus.”

Sidney held the puppy tight and stroked it on the belly. It soon fell asleep under his caress. His voice was quiet and trembling.

“I always wanted a dog... but my parents wouldn’t let me and then...”

“I know. Arthur told me. We have always had dogs and you can’t really run a big estate without on...”

His kiss broke her sentence.

“I was wrong, Charlotte. I did need more than you. Thank you! What breed is it?”

She laughed.

“It’s a Newfoundland. Big-hearted, protective and thick-skinned just like you.”

“Can we keep him inside the house, please?”

He was almost like a young boy in his excitement and she found it very endearing.

“As you so often tell me, we can do as we please...yes – and we have Lady D’s permission to do so... Although she cares as little for dogs as she does children, I believe she has already ordered a soft blanket for him to be placed by her feet in the study.”

“Of course, she has.”

Chapter Text

Eleven months and the following weeks after the wedding

Lady Denham was waiting for them in the big hallway when Charlotte and Sidney returned from Willingden. Her eyes were shining with excitement and she had no time to wait for them to take off their outerwear.

“Give me the dog, Sidney, and cover your wife’s eyes for me.”

She had taken Heraclitus before finishing the sentence. The dog peed a little in surprise but she didn’t notice. Sidney did what he was told and Lady Denham motioned him to stand in front of the drawing room.

“Open!”

Two footmen opened and Sidney led Charlotte inside.

“Now, you remove your hands, Sidney.”

The first thing Charlotte saw was Lady Denham’s smiling face. She was so eager to watch Charlotte’s reaction that she was blocking the view. But then the brightness of the room caught her eye. Sea blue drapes framed the windows, potted trees stood between the windows and the sun light flickered through the leaves, a big rug with delicate green, blue, rose and golden colors covered the big red snake and brightened the room. The big sculpture looked less gloomy in a white shade of faux marble. Extra wall hanged candle holders lit up the room and everything looked like spring in golden sunlight.

“Oh, Lady D... It looks beautiful. But...”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, but... “

“Excellent, we can sit in here sometimes.”

Lady D put Heraclitus down and he tumbled around the room before he settled at Sidney’s feet. Charlotte hugged Lady Denham.

“Thank you, it really is too much.”

“Hush, dear girl. This is your home now and you should have more than just a desk to show for it... and thank you both for the rose garden.”

She left the room before her emotions got the better of her.

The auction and the ball were only a few weeks away and preparations kept them busy, Susan had been working wonders and the tickets for the auction and ball were all gone. Susan and the Prince were staying at her apartment in the terrace and Denham Place had been let out to some distant “European cousins” of the Prince who were in London anyway and out of boredom had chosen participate in both the auction and the ball. Charlotte could tell from Susan’s description of them that she didn’t hold them in very high regard – which was her reason to stay in her apartment instead.

Charlotte rode by to greet the new guests and make sure they were in want of nothing. She was wearing a warm version of her side saddle riding suit lined with fur. Sidney’s look when she kissed him goodbye told her that it suited her well.

At Denham Place the groom helped her dismount Amazon and she had barely taken a few steps before a deep voice with a distinctive French accent called behind her.

“You must be Madame Parker?”

She faced the voice that belonged to a tall, slender man. Not much older than herself. His hair dark brown curls were combed back and revealed a handsome pair of eyes with a hunger in them that made her uncomfortable.

“Indeed, I am. And you are?”

She held out her hand to shake his but he grabbed it and placed a greedy kiss on the back of her hand that lasted too long, he didn’t break eye contact.

“Marquis de Montagne, Madame. Enchanté.”

Susan had told about him; Charlotte could see why she didn’t like him. Too slick, too arrogant and too... lusting. She decided not to go inside and instructed the groom to not take Amazon away with her words and not to leave her with her eyes. He nodded silently.

“I hope that everything is to your satisfaction, Marquis?”

He looked at her with a wolfish grin.

“Who would have known that one could find such sweet entertainment here on the windblown edges of England...?”

Her blood froze.

“Well, I am happy to hear that you approve of the seaside and the fresh air. Good day to you, Marquis!”

The groom was not fast enough to help her mount again and the Marquis lifted her up both letting his hands slide up too close to her breasts and running them down her legs. Inch by inch. Calmly she interrupted his movements by kicking Amazon lightly and ride away.

Sidney heard her return, come upstairs and slam the door to her dressing room. He entered with a soft knock and found her leaning against a chair heaving for breath. Her small frame was trembling with anger. Not sure what to say he wrapped his arms around her from behind and buried his nose in her curls. After a while her breathing relaxed.

“What is it, Charlotte? Normally only I can make you that angry but I am fairly sure that I have done nothing wrong.”

“If I tell you will you promise me not to do something stupid?”

Something in her voice sent icy shivers down his spine. He swallowed a lump in his throat.

“I promise...”

“He looked at me like I was prey... and he touched me...I wanted to slap him...”

She could feel his body tense and his jaw clench.

“Who?”

“The French Marquis that Susan told us about.”

He was fisting his hands.

“You promised me!”

“I haven’t gone to kill him yet, have I?”

She clasped her mouth as she realized something.

“We have to make sure that only footmen and the old stout maids serve on them. We cannot trust him – or his companions I’m afraid - with young women.”

“I’ll have someone draw you a hot bath and give the instructions.”

They avoided Denham Place as much as possible over the next days and Sidney didn’t let Charlotte go anywhere alone. He could very well imagine the desire she could inflict on a lesser gentleman than himself. The evening of the ball came and Charlotte was not as eager to go as she normally was. If asked she would have to take a turn with the guests of Denham Place.

She wore the sapphires with her new dress in a pale blue. It was well made with focus on the cap sleeves and décolletage – and she suddenly felt it was very revealing but she was not one to back away from a challenge nor a bully and Sidney watched her come down the stairs with her head high and a determined look on her face. He smiled to himself, someone was getting into trouble this evening and for once it wasn’t going to be him.

Heads turned as they were announced. She was surprised to see the Marquis and his entourage there already, that could hardly be fashionably late. Sidney knew who the Marquis was without Charlotte pointing him out. His eyes were already lingering at her bosom and Sidney wanted to stride over and punch him.

Charlotte was safe the first two dances but then Tom demanded Sidney’s attention and he turned his back for a minute, but it was long enough for the Marquis to take Charlotte to the dance floor. He was pulling her closer in the dance than was both required and appropriate and Charlotte used her arm on his shoulder to keep as much distance between them as possible.

“How do you find Sanditon, Marquis?”

“Dreary, Madame. Not much entertainment to be had.”

She laughed politely.

“No, we leave that to London and perhaps Paris?”

He didn’t take the bait to talk of Paris.

“And you, Madame. What do you do for entertainment?”

He gazed down her cleavage without shame.

“I am not in need of anything else than what Sanditon has to offer. To me it is the perfect spot.”

“And where have you been in the world?”

“Nowhere.”

“Then how can you tell?”

“Because I am truly happy here.”

She had loosened the pressure against his shoulder and he was suddenly very close to her.

“Let us continue this conversation in private.”

“Not a chance. I am sorry if that disappoints you but there it is.”

The Marquis was tightening his grip around her waist seemingly willing to cause a scandal by kissing her when the Prince came.

“May I cut in? Thank you, Cousin.”

The Marquis growled and left.

“I apologize, Charlotte. Had I known...”

“I am fine, I am more concerned about Sidney.”

A few minutes later she saw her husband enter from outside with a bruised fist. Luckily the dance ended and the Prince escorted her back.

“Did you hurt the Marquis?”

Her voice was hissing.

“Not now, not here. Please, dance with me.”

They danced in silence. She could feel his eyes on her but she was too angry to meet them.

“Please look at me, Charlotte.”

When she still didn’t, he tilted her chin.

“I told you not to do anything.”

“Yes, and I decided against it. As you would have too. And I will explain myself to you when we go home.”

A few hours later they were in the carriage. Sidney took both her hands in his.

“I didn’t punch him for dancing inappropriately with you. Or for touching you – though I would have found great satisfaction in that.”

“Then why?”

“He insulted Sanditon, Denham Place, Tom, me and you... anything and anyone he could think of. He was a bully... Oh, Charlotte the things he said about you...what he wanted to do to you...”

“He said those things to your face?”

“Not exactly, he was arrogant or cowardly enough to say it in French of course but that made no difference – I am fluent in French.”

“Still, that is no excuse to punch him, Sidney.”

“That is enough, Charlotte! Don’t be naïve. You were not there; you did not hear him. I was and there is no way that I would not defend you!”

He was shouting now like he used to in the beginning of their acquaintance, schooling her.

“I am NOT naïve, Sidney. Tell me what he said. Tell me what justified you hitting him hard enough to bruise your hand!”

“NO! ENOUGH, CHARLOTTE!”

“TELL ME!”

Sidney was angry now. She had not seen him this angry since he found out that Georgiana had been kidnapped.

“I PUNCHED HIM BECAUSE HE TOLD ME IN DETAIL WHAT HE DID TO HIMSELF WHILE THINKING OF YOU... THAT HE WOULD... FORCE HIMSELF ON YOU... THE LOOK IN HIS EYES...I WANTED TO KILL HIM.”

He leaned back in the seat and rubbed his eyes.

“I am sorry to have disappointed you, Charlotte. But no one... NO ONE... talks about my wife like that.”

They had arrived at Sanditon House and he helped her out only to walk inside alone and stride up the stairs to their study. She followed him; he had already poured himself a glass and drank the liquid in big gulps.

“What?”

He looked annoyed at her as he poured himself another drink. She walked across the room to him and took the drink and gulped it. It burned down her throat.

“We never discussed this but let me tell you one thing, Mr. Parker. You and I – we are for life. And we do not – EVER – let the sun set on us being angry with each other. Do I make myself clear?”

He nodded.

“Good. You’ve got it wrong. I would never have punched him for talking like that about someone I love....”

He was just about to blow up again.

“.... I would have kicked him between his legs. How dare he?”

Sidney placed his hands on her cheeks and kissed her ardently.

“How does it work after we have had an argument, Mrs. Parker?”

“You take me to bed, Mr. Parker.”

I wouldn’t be able to consider staying long in any place

Chapter Text

One year after the wedding – and a few days before that

“We have to go to London...”

Sidney looked up from a letter and met Charlotte’s eyes.

“When?”

“We leave tomorrow – that is if you care to come with me?”

“Of course, I do...”

There was a slight tension in her voice that she hoped he missed.

“Wait a second... Mr. Jones suggests that he meets me in Crawley two days from now to save me the trip to London...if I leave early and take Thunder instead of the carriage I can be back for dinner.”

Charlotte didn’t know who Mr. Jones was and normally she would have been curious and asked but right now she just let out a sigh of relief that she didn’t hope he noticed. Two days from now would be their first anniversary and she had plans for the day. Sidney being out of the house would be a great help.

“If the weather is fine, I suppose that would be a sensible solution.”

She was content, he must have forgotten all about the day, that would make her surprise even sweeter.

The weather was not fine two days later when Sidney took off. A mix of cold rain and sleet made Charlotte concerned about the plan but Sidney insisted. It was only a short ride with a long break, he and Thunder would be just fine.

Denham Place was once again turned into a honeymoon spot. Charlotte wanted to recreate their very first night together and as she trotted around the big bedroom and arranged potted plants, furs and pillows she recalled with a burning happiness the sensation of their bodies together. It had been a very happy marriage so far, they still argued heatedly but apart from that one time after the ball they had never fought. Sidney was a considerate and respectful husband in every way – he treated her as an equal partner in everything and never questioned her wishes or dismissed her ideas. Blushingly she smoothed the covers on the big bed, never had she imagined that the physical part of a marriage could be so.... satisfying.

It had turned dark outside early but at least the sleet had stopped and it was only drizzling now. Charlotte wondered if she would ever get used to waiting for Sidney without anxiety. For a minute she regretted that she hadn’t insisted on going with him and let anniversary be anniversary. The knot in her stomach tightened, she tried to shake off her worries and focus on her preparations. A piping hot bath had been drawn for him as the last thing the servants did before leaving her alone, she was ready for him.

When Sidney arrived at Sanditon House, he was cold and tired but very pleased with the meeting – he couldn’t wait to share it with Charlotte.

“Good evening, Thomas. Where is Mrs. Parker?”

“Good evening, Sir. Mrs. Parker is at Denham Place; she has instructed me to send you there if you arrived before her.”

Sidney rolled his eyes and growled. The thought of a hot bath and a warm wife was what had kept him going in the cold dark, he was in no mood to handle any kind of difficulties.

“Is something wrong at Denham Place?”

“She didn’t say, Sir.”

“Alright...”

“Do you want me to call for a carriage or a horse, Sir?”

“No... I’ll walk there...”

Denham Place looked fairly dark only a few dimmed lights from some of the windows on the top floor. Sidney was puzzled beyond words as he went inside.

“Charlotte! Is everything alright?”

“Yes... please lock the door.”

He did.

“Where are you?”

The words were spoken with his back to the stairs. Now her voice was closer.

“Up here.”

He turned and there she was...dressed in the white transparent nightdress from their honeymoon. Her soft brown curls cascaded down her shoulders. Had her hair always been that long? His jaw dropped and he froze completely.

“Happy anniversary, Husband...please follow me...”

Her voice was seductively dark. She twirled her hair over her shoulder to her front giving him free eyesight to the low-cut back of the dress as she walked away from him down the hallway. Her muscles moved as she walked and her beautiful buttocks looked more alluring than ever. Sidney had never moved so fast in his life before; he strode up the stairs taking two steps at the time while pulling off his coat, jacket and waistcoat. If he had not been fixed on the naked skin of his wife, he would have taken time to be impressed by himself.

Inside the dressing room connected to the master bedroom was a hot bath ready for him. She started undressing him taking her time to brush or touch him in the most arousing manner and it drove him crazy but she kept escaping his lips and hands.

“Step in, Sidney.”

He obeyed and sank down in the soothing hot water; it had been a cold and tiresome day. His eyes were black with desire, he was moaning at the sight of her.

“Will you be joining me?”

She poured a jug of water over his head and leaned in brushing his cheek with a breast. A hot whisper in his ear.

“No... just relax and enjoy.”

Nimble fingers soaped in his hair and massaged his scalp. His eyes closed with pleasure, deep moans of content slipped his mouth. Her hands were all over his body soaping him in and rubbing his sore muscles. It was both arousing and relaxing.

“Get out...”

Again, he obeyed and she dried him with a big towel taking her time. He stood as still as possible when a part of him was following her movements as if she were a snake charmer. Standing very close to him from behind her voice hit his ear like a soft breeze.

“Are you hungry?”

“Starving...”

“For food?”

He looked surprised at her and shook his head. His voice was dark with a hint of a wanting warning.

“You are killing me...”

Her mouth brushed his neck as she leaned in to his ear.

“I know...”

He groaned.

“You are playing with fire, Mrs. Parker.”

The danger in his voice was no longer a hint. He wanted her desperately. A hot tongue swirled its way up his neck to his ear.

“I know...follow me.”

She opened the door to the bedroom and pointed at the big bed, the covers had been flipped aside.

“Please sit.”

With a shallow breath he sat down on the edge of the bed, she crawled behind him and blindfolded him with a silk scarf.

“Lie down, Sidney...

You didn't doubt I would come?

Chapter Text

One year and one day after the wedding

Charlotte had curled up in Sidney’s arms in the big bed. Her curls still damp from the bath and her body a little sore from the morning’s activities but very happy.

“I forgot to ask you, how did your meeting go yesterday and what was it about?”

“Ah, yes the meeting. It wasn’t as much a meeting as a delivery. Did you really think that I had forgotten our anniversary?”

His voice was exaggeratedly insulted and she laughed.

“Yes, I did. You have had a lot on your mind lately and I don’t know if it is something husbands are supposed to remember?”

He lifted her chin to look her in the eyes.

“I don’t know about other husbands but this husband could never forget the happiest most important life-changing day of his life. Let me assure you that I had not forgotten! Don’t move, Mrs. Parker!”

He got out of bed and opened the door ajar to see if the coast was clear and then he leapt naked down the stairs and returned with his saddlebag, kicked the door shut behind him and crawled back to bed. First, he handed her a letter.

“Please read it, when you are alone. I am too self-conscious to be in the same room with you when you do.”

His smile was shy and endearing, Charlotte melted in his arms, she loved his letters.

“And then there is this.”

A velvet box was placed in her hands; she opened it and inside were a stunning set of jewelry: a gold necklace with 14 small cameos showing different scenes of Amor. He had asked Mr. Haim to make matching earrings.

“The necklace belonged to my mother. When she died Diana inherited it but she has never worn it and wanted you to have it. I had earrings made to match but it took a little longer than expected – hence the trip to Crawly. I know you don’t feel you need more jewelry... Do you like it?”

He looked nervously at her and bit his lip, she framed his face with her hands and kissed him.

“It is beautiful and has a story. You have put yourself and thought into it. How could I not love it?”

Much later they were back at Sanditon House and Charlotte sat in the bright and newly decorated drawing room. Sidney and Lady Denham had gone to the study to sort out some of her business affairs. Charlotte had excused herself to give them some time alone, there was no doubt that Lady Denham regarded Sidney as her son and missed his company even if he had only been away for a short period of time. Besides it gave her the privacy to read Sidney’s letter.

With a beating heart and eyes already glossing with tears she held the letter to her lips and let the scent of him flow through her before carefully breaking the seal. It was a long letter.

My beloved wife,

One year! One year of love. One year of you. One year of us. One year of being truly alive. Before you I merely existed and I had never in my wildest dreams thought that I could love so much or want to be in the power of someone else – but then again, we both know by now that my imagination is very poor indeed.

This date is tattooed in my heart. I loved you long before this day but once we had said our wows, I dared to feel safe for the first time in – I honestly cannot remember. No matter what would come after this day we would face it together, nothing could tear us apart again for as long as we both shall live. I have heard these words spoken so often but not until our wedding day, did I understand the full meaning of them.

Waking up next to you every morning fills me with joy and happiness. Going to bed with you every night makes me thank higher powers I doubted existed before you. Every day with you feels new and familiar at the same time.

You never seize to amaze me with your wit, your compassion, your intelligence and your beauty. I have never met anyone who can win over the most stubborn and brute beasts as you. Myself included and I am in the distinguished company of Mr. Hoare, Amazon and Big Bob to mention a few – and we must not forget Mrs. Campion in this line-up. The most beautiful thing about you is that you do not seem to know how much you impact the world around you, you just follow your instinct and sweet nature. Do not ever doubt yourself, Charlotte.

To me you are the Sun, the Moon and the Stars. I hope that I make you feel equal, respected, loved and worshipped every single day, that you will always look at me the way you do now, that I can still make you blush, that you will never stop biting that delicious lip of yours and that you will never tire of challenging me. Or simply tire of me.

I sometimes find myself laughing at something you said ‘why should I be embarrassed? I was fully clothed!’ or ‘I have a fair outline of the concept and I am quite confident that everything will fall naturally into place.’

Or pause in what I am doing to be proud of being the husband of a woman beating the finest of British noblesse and aristocracy in a shooting contest.

But mostly I am grateful that your heart chose me. That you forgave me for all my flaws and stupid actions. I am not sure that I will never let you down again, because I am less than perfect. I can only hope that I will not cause you to think too badly of me and that you will always find it in your heart to forgive me if I mess up.

Here I know that you will argue that you are not perfect either and that I should stop putting you on a pedestal. I cannot help myself. To me you are perfect. Perfectly headstrong. Perfectly opinionated. Perfectly willful. Perfectly kind. Perfectly fearless. On second thought – that is perhaps the only thing you are too much! You scare me to death sometimes.

For the first time I pray for a long life. That this anniversary will be the first of a long line of anniversaries.

You are the one, my love. The only one. You brought me back to life.

I love you.

Forever yours,

Your husband

Tears were strolling down her cheeks when Sidney and Lady Denham returned from the study. As always, the old lady knew how to handle a delicate situation.

“Is it your overly emotional time of the month, my dear girl?”

Charlotte folded the letter and put it carefully in her pocket.

“Something like that and gratitude of being blessed with your always subtle and caring remarks, Lady D.”

Sidney chuckled and offered her his arm. Flanked by his two women he went to the dining room.

Chapter Text

One year and four months after the wedding

Winter’s snow had left and a budding spring taken over. After a long period of the gales that Tom denied could blow through Sanditon it was one of the first pleasant days and Charlotte had walked into town to take tea with Mary and Georgiana. Sidney and Lady Denham had found their usual spots in the study with a tray of hot tea and biscuits. There the two them sat until Sidney heard Charlotte return and saw that it was nearly time to get ready for dinner. Lady Denham had dozed off as she so often did and he gently stroked her hand to wake her up. When she didn’t respond he stroked her cheek and it felt wrong. Like cold wax. With the sound of a wounded animal he fell to his knees and cried into her lap. Charlotte found them like this and understood immediately that Lady Denham had passed peacefully in her sleep. Quietly she notified the staff to start the necessary preparations and went to comfort her husband.

Sidney was disturbingly calm during the next couple of days issuing orders and writing letters. Charlotte insisted that they wrote to Edward and Clara as well. He was doing his best to be the anchor of the entire household and gathered the staff to inform them that it was Lady Denham’s last will that Sanditon House and everything else would go to his wife and that everyone would remain in their positions if they wanted to.

At night he would seek comfort in his wife’s arms making quiet love to her before falling into a restless slumber or go to the study and sit in Lady Denham’s chair. Charlotte didn’t know quite what to do and decided to just let him mourn in his own way while keeping an eye on him. It helped a little when Babington, Esther and little Fitzwilliam arrived – mostly because it gave him something to do. Esther insisted that they placed Edward and Clara at the hotel, she was not comfortable with letting them into the house and though she understood why Charlotte wanted them there for the funeral and the reading of the will the thought of having them near made her skin crawl.

One afternoon Esther and Sidney found themselves alone in the drawing room. Charlotte was talking to the housekeeper and Babington had gone outside with Fitzwilliam.

“How are you doing, Sidney?”

He looked her and considered his answer but it was clear that she had already seen right through him and there was no point in hiding the truth.

“Badly. I don’t know how to behave or how to move on... I am terrified of hurting Charlotte in the process – which I tend to do when I am heartbroken...”

“Charlotte is stronger than that. She knows you and it is rather obvious that you’re hurting. Don’t push her away...”

He gave her a short sad smile.

“I try not to...”

The sun was shining stubbornly on the day of the funeral. Most of the townspeople had turned up to show their last respect. Clara and Edward were for now on their best behavior and didn’t cause any scenes for which Esther was grateful, she had been prepared to break them apart limb for limb. Sidney was standing stoically clinging to Charlotte’s hand as the coffin was lowered into the ground. Only Charlotte, Esther and Mary noticed the slight tremble in his voice as he invited everyone back to Sanditon Place.

“Charlotte, would you mind walking back with me?”

“Of course not.”

They walked in silence for a while, then he stopped and rested his forehead against hers. Tears were silently running down his cheeks. His voice was low and mushy.

“Please forgive me...”

“For what? There is nothing to forgive, Sidney.”

“I don’t handle heartbreak very well. Please forgive me if I do something to hurt you. Please let me know... I cannot go through this without you but I am not sure I know how to... Please bring me back with you because I fear I will be lost on my own...”

“I promise.”

He dove his fingers into her soft curls and kissed her. It was a long and lingering kiss and he felt her promise through her lips. With a sigh of relief, he took her hand and they continued walking.

They were all emotionally exhausted after the last guest had left. Sidney was pale but composed and they managed to have an evening of remembering Lady Denham – both laughing and crying as they shared anecdotes of a woman that – fortunately – had been one of a kind but despite all had been theirs. That night Sidney slept for the first time since Lady D passed away, he had wrapped himself around Charlotte and clung to her for dear life in his sleep. Charlotte didn’t get any sleep, she just held him and stroked him soothingly on his back and enjoyed the sound of his breathing.

Mr. Bennet arrived the next day to go through the will. Sidney, Esther and even Babington were ready to fight if Clara and Edward stepped out of line. There was a solemn atmosphere in the library that Esther had chosen; she wanted everyone seated in a way so she could watch their reactions and she watched them like a hawk. Clare seemed calm as if she had made her peace with not inheriting anything but Edward was in a foul mood. His eyes were bloodshot from a night of drinking, his jaw clenched, he was shifting impatiently in his chair and growling. This did however not put Mr. Bennet off and he solemnly opened the folder with the will and the appendixes. There was mischievous sparkle in his eyes when he started reading.

“I, Benjamin Bennet, are here today in my capacity of being the solicitor of the late Lady Elizabeth Dorothea Denham. I testify that the will is correct and that Lady Denham was in good health and sound mind when she made it. (He cleared his throat)

To my niece, Miss Clara Berenton, I leave five pounds and five pennies but only if she admits burning my last will.

To my nephew, Edward Denham, I leave nothing. I suspect that Charlotte had it in her good heart to invite him and I want to make clear that he gets less than nothing. (Edward looked furious)

Esther – Lady Babington, my dear girl. You have asked me not to leave you anything but you shall have all of my jewelry and a deck of cards. Please learn to play properly. (Esther smiled)

Mr. Sidney Parker. You have been like a son to me and I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed your company, though you are a sly young man. Don’t think that I don’t know when you used your charm on me to distract me. Thank you! I gave you the opportunity to be my sole heir but you selflessly suggested Miss Heywood, though you were not yet secure of her hand in marriage. My dear boy, to answer your question; you are worthy of her. (Charlotte squeezed his hand. His lower lip trembled.)

As for the rest of my fortune, buildings, shares and what not – all of it goes to Miss Charlotte Heywood or hopefully Mrs. Charlotte Parker by the reading of this will, who has shown the intelligence and responsibility to take on such an inheritance. (Charlotte blushed).

Hmmm, yes then there are some minor de....”

Mr. Bennet was interrupted as Edward jumped out of his chair and pointed at Charlotte.

“You.... you... bloody little WHORE...”

Babington got up and punched him before he could say another word. Esther was beaming with love over her husband.

“That felt bloody good. I have wanted to do that for so long.”

He and Sidney dragged Edward out into the hallway.

“Thomas, would you arrange for this scoundrel to be escorted back to the rathole he came from?”

“With pleasure, Sir.”

“Knock him out again if you have to.”

“With pleasure, Sir.”

Chapter Text

One year, four months and some days after the wedding

The day after the will had been read Esther and Babington left. Esther hugged both Charlotte and Sidney warmly. And then Charlotte and Sidney were alone. Without Lady Denham Sanditon House seemed too big and too gloomy. In the late afternoon Sidney was getting restless and told Charlotte he would go for a swim. When he wasn’t back for dinner, Charlotte got nervous.

“Thomas, would you mind go out and look for Mr. Parker? I am starting to worry.”

“Certainly, Madam.”

After a few hours he returned.

“Mr. Parker is at the tavern. Drunk. I can tell he has been fighting. Do you want me to go get him?”

“No, Thomas. Leave him be. I just needed to hear that he hadn’t drowned. Would you mind staying up and fetch me when he returns? I fear it might be a two-person job to get him to bed.”

“Not at all, Madam. If you don’t mind me saying so, you should get some sleep. I will wake you up when he returns.”

“Thank you, Thomas.”

Charlotte took his advice and went to bed, soon she was fast asleep. It was well after 2 when Thomas knocked on the door.

“The master is back, Madam. He is in the study and he doesn’t look well.”

“Thank you, Thomas.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, thank you. But stay close, please.”

She closed the door to the study quietly behind her and approached her husband the same way you would an angry bull. He was sitting in Lady D’s chair and he looked a mess. His hair was ruffled. His shirt torn. He had bruises on his knuckles and jaw. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked trapped and hurt and dangerous.

“Go away, Charlotte!”

“No...”

“I don’t need you!”

“Yes, you do...”

Tears were prickling in her eyes.

“Look at me! You don’t need me!”

Tears were sliding down her cheeks; she was standing right in front of him now. She swallowed the pain and pulled his face into the safe softness of her stomach.

“Yes, I do... I loved her too, Sidney. I mourn her too...”

She stroked his hair and he wrapped his arms around her and sobbed until he had no more tears left in him. Then he sought comfort between her thighs and she let him. After he was finished, she tied her robe closely around her small waist, opened the door and called for Thomas.

Next morning Sidney woke up to find Charlotte sitting on her knees next to him in bed. He reached out to pull her close but she held up her hand to stop him. Her eyes were angry, he could handle that. But there was also hurt in them and his heart broke.

“I made you a promise to tell you if you hurt me. You did last night. You came home drunk. You had been fighting. Do you have any idea how concerned I was? We can argue, we can even fight but don’t you dare ever again hurt me on purpose by telling me that you don’t need me!”

“Charlotte, I...”

“Don’t. Not now. There is a bath ready for you, you stink. I will meet you for breakfast when you are clean and dressed. And please apologize to Thomas, he had to fight you to get you to bed.”

She left and Sidney stumbled into the dressing room. He sunk into the tub and Thomas entered the room with more water and a broken lip. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Sidney.

“Sir...”

“Oh, Thomas. Did I do that to you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“I am so sor...”

“If you need to apologize it is not to me but to Mrs. Parker, Sir.”

“Please, tell me what happened, Thomas. My memory fails me but from what I sense I made a complete and hurtful idiot out of myself last night.”

“Sir...?”

Thomas looked at him as if he to seek permission to be completely honest.

“Yes, Thomas. Please speak freely.”

Thomas clenched his jaw.

“Mrs. Parker sent me out to look for you, she feared you had hurt yourself swimming. I finally found you at the Crown. You had bruises after a fight, you were drunk and you were arguing with Mr. Denham... Mrs. Parker wanted me to wait up for you and call her when you did... You came stumbling sometime after 2 in the morning, drunk and went to the study. Mrs. Parker went to see you...”

Thomas’ hands were balled into two fists.

“Please, continue...”

Thomas turned his back and picked something up and threw it to Sidney. It was Charlotte’s nightdress, ripped open in the front. The pain the sight of it caused in Sidney’s chest threatened to suffocate him.

“I don’t know what happened in there, Sir. Mrs. Parker insisted, she was fine. We tried to get you to bed, but you were not too keen on that idea. You also... soiled yourself... in more ways than one and we had to clean that up. Well, Mrs. Parker cleaned it up. I was occupied holding you down, Sir. You managed to throw a punch at me first. She didn’t want the rest of the staff to know. To think badly of you, Sir.”

Sidney was mortified and hid his face in his hands.

“Do you think badly of me, Thomas?”

“May I be honest, Sir?”

Sidney sighed.

“I think we have passed that line already, Thomas.”

Thomas gave him an angry look.

“Yes, I think badly of you. Me and the rest of the staff think the world of Mrs. Parker. We respect you too, Sir, but she is... She did not deserve the way you treated her last night. And you did not deserve the way she cared for you. I wanted to punch you, Sir. To protect Mrs. Parker.”

“If there ever is a next time, Thomas, I would expect nothing less of you. You have my permission to knock me out cold.”

Thomas rewarded him with a short grin. Sidney looked at him, Thomas was a big strong fellow. If it ever came to that it would hurt.

The food didn’t quite become her and Charlotte had spent the last half hour pushing it around on her plate waiting for Sidney. She felt his presence before he entered the breakfast room. He stood for a few seconds in the doorframe as if he tried to form a strategy. His strong Charlotte looked small, fragile and hurt and it was his doing. The lump in his throat threatened to strangle him, his heart had already made a run for it – away from him. He had no idea how to remedy the situation, he just knew that he needed to hold her and with that desire as his only strategy he strode determinedly to her, picked her up in his arms and carried her to their study. Here he placed them in the armchair where they had shared so many tender moments and broke down.

“Did... did I force myself on you?”

His voice had never been smaller. He could feel her freeze slightly.

“...No... you were not tender either... but you did not force me...”

“Please forgive me.”

He was holding her so tightly it almost hurt.

“I forgive you...”

“I promise I will never hurt you again...”

She kissed him on top of the head.

“She knew you loved her, Sidney. She died an old woman, in her favorite spot with her favorite person by her side. You made her last years happy.”

“You’ve got it wrong, Charlotte. I miss her and I mourn her, but that is not why I... why I...”

Gently she pulled away to look him in the eyes.

“For a while I was so happy that I forgot I could lose you again. The thought of living without you terrified me.”

She dove her fingers into his hair and stroked his cheekbones with her thumbs.

“Sidney. I am terrified of losing you too but we cannot live and love like that. All great love ends unhappily because one day – hopefully many years from now – one of us will pass away leaving the other one behind. The best thing we can do is to love each other like we have all the time in the world. Without fear. We have tried to be apart. To know what a life without each other is like. Let us not live our life together as if we are unhappily apart. I love you so much it sometimes scares me and I try to use it to be my best and truest self around you.”

“I love you too, Charlotte...”

They sat for a while. Heraclitus had come in and nuzzled their feet with his snout clearly picking up that something wasn’t as it should be. Sidney dropped a hand to pet him.

“I have given Thomas a raise.”

“Good.”

“He is a good man. I even think that Lady Denham would agree.”

“I think so too.”

Chapter Text

One year, four months and almost two weeks after the wedding

Things were almost back to normal between Charlotte and Sidney after the dreadful night where he returned drunk and punched Thomas. Normally she would only wear a nightdress to bed when it was that time of the month and Sidney knew that schedule by heart and that was not now. And normally she would not flinch at his touch or reject him by moving away from him in bed but now she did. Outside the bedroom she was still his Charlotte but inside... Sidney started to fear that he had indeed forced himself on her, that she feared being intimate with him. He decided to give her space and time though it pained him to have damaged her trust in him.

It was almost a week ago. Charlotte had gone outside to work in a new herb garden she was building, Sidney was in the study with Heraclitus. Suddenly his blood froze, something was wrong. Heraclitus was growling, showing his teeth and moving towards the door. Sidney jumped and ran down the stairs.

“Thomas, where is Mrs. Parker?”

“Outside in the new herb garden, is something wrong?”

“I don’t know...”

Charlotte was planning the different herbs and dividing the bed into squares with string and pecks. It was a sunny but rather cold day for the month but she didn’t mind. Working outside was something she was used to and enjoyed.

“There you are, little Miss Heywood. Playing all innocent...”

Edward was staring coldly at her. He was drunk.

“Sir Denham. How nice to see you again. I would have imagined that you had returned to London with Miss Brereton? Would you like to join Mr. Parker and I for tea?”

She got up and moved slowly away from him. He growled at her.

“I don’t want tea, Miss Heywood. I want what is rightfully mine!”

The sun was shining from behind Charlotte and he could see the outline of her curves through the fabric. He licked his lips and moved closer.

“I can see why Sidney is so smitten by you... I remember being quite taken by your innocence in the beginning too...”

He started to unbutton his pants.

“If I can’t have my money then I will plant a bloody heir in you, you little whore.”

She started running away but he was faster and got hold of her left arm. Her right hand balled into a fist darted through the air and broke his nose. He was confused for a short while by all the blood but not for long enough and he smacked her on the side of the head and she fell unconscious to the ground. Lifting her skirts while being drunk and bleeding violently from his nose was a difficult task but at least she lay still now. He was almost there when a set of sharp teeth dug into his calve and pulled. Edward flinched in pain and turned against the beast basking ferociously with his free arm. Edward was so preoccupied with fighting Heraclitus that he didn’t notice Sidney come bolting out of nowhere followed by Thomas until he was pulled up by a pair of strong arms and knocked out cold. Thomas could literally hear Edward’s jaw crumble. Sidney felt nauseous when he discovered Edward’s exposed genitals and saw his unconscious wife lying on the ground with her skirts up.

“Take care of Mrs. Parker, Sir. I’ll deal with this one.”

Sidney gently pulled down Charlotte’s skirts and scooped her up. He nodded gratefully at Thomas who placed a punch in Edward’s stomach before throwing him over his shoulder. He shrugged his free shoulder.

“He moved...”

“Please, Charlotte. Please wake up.”

Sidney was whispering desperately as he carried her inside, the commotion had caused more footmen to come outside and he yelled for someone to fetch Dr. Fuchs. When the doctor arrived, he was shown to the master bedroom where Sidney was sitting on the edge of the bed rocking Charlotte. Dr. Fuchs started issuing orders.

“I need hot water, clean cloths and brandy for Herr Parker, bitte”

He patted Sidney on the shoulder.

“You need to put Frau Parker down, Herr Parker. I need to examine her.”

Sidney did what he was told in a haze. The brandy came along with Thomas who made him drink it.

“Take him outside, bitte.”

Thomas nodded and half forced Sidney to go with him.

“No man should witness his wife like this, Sir. Best you stay here with me.”

Sidney snapped out of it a little.

“Where is Denham?”

“Tied up securely and uncomfortably in the hallway, Sir. Guarded by Heraclitus and John. The constable is on his way.”

Sidney sent him a pale grateful smile.

“Thank you, Thomas.”

“Not at all, Sir.”

The two of them stood there in silence until the door finally opened and Dr. Fuchs motioned Sidney to enter.

Charlotte looked pale and small in the big bed. A wide band of red dots where Edward had hit her was starting to swell and change color.

“She will be fine, Herr Parker. Just a mild concussion. She must stay in bed for a few days and no riding for at least two weeks.”

Sidney swallowed.

“What about...? Did he...?”

“Nein. The bruises on her thighs are about a week old and there are no signs of him having been near her... Nein.”

Sidney looked at the doctor in shock.

“What bruises? Please show me...”

His voice was a low plead. The doctor looked inquisitively at him but lifted the covers and carefully raised the nightdress Hetty had helped him put on her. There were the pale blue-green remains of bruises on Charlotte’s soft thighs after a pair of strong hands the size of Sidney’s. He felt faint and nauseous and hoped for the floor to swallow him. She had avoided him because she didn’t want him to see how rough he had been with her. He bit the back of his hand in remorse.

“Oh, and the baby is fine too, Herr Parker.”

Sidney stumbled a few steps back.

“The baby?”

“Yes, your wife is pregnant. It is very early, but jah.”

Sidney dropped to his knees. Too many emotions flooded through his body right now.

Fuchs patted him friendly on the shoulder.

“You can wake her if you like. I will be outside if you need me.”

Sidney crawled into bed and carefully pulled in Charlotte as close as he dared.

“Charlotte... Please wake up, my love...”

He dotted soft kisses on her forehead and slowly she responded to his voice.

“Sidney... what happened? My head... it is hurting.”

“Edward attacked you.”

“My hand is hurting too...”

Sidney gave a short laugh.

“You broke his nose.”

“Good...”

“Charlotte?”

“Yes...”

He cleared his throat; tears were already running.

“Dr. Fuchs examined you. You are with child.”

His voice broke. She turned her head against him.

“Please say that again...”

“We are going to have a baby. You are pregnant.”

Chapter Text

One year, four months and almost two weeks after the wedding

“Let him in...”

Her voice was weak. Sidney had been lost in his own thoughts waiting for her to wake up, he was sitting in a chair by her bedside wondering how he, a man who had never in his life laid a hand on a woman could hurt his wife whom he loved more than life itself.

The bruise Edward had left on her cheekbone looked worse today than yesterday, a purple color had spread under the red dots. He had not been there to protect her.

“What? You’re awake... how do you feel?”

“Let Heraclitus in. He can sense something is wrong and is weeping to get in here. Just let him. And I am fine... my head aches but much less than yesterday. And I am so happy I could burst.”

Sidney sent her a pale smile and opened the door to let Heraclitus in, the dog immediately lay next to the bed and its big brown eyes looked up and moved from side to side watching his masters carefully. Charlotte raised on her elbows to get out of the bed.

“What do you think you are doing, Charlotte?”

“I need to... use the...”

Without a word he picked her up and carried her to the toilet.

“Call me when you are ready.”

She wanted to protest – this was more intimate than she cared for but being upright was also challenging.

When she was done, he carried her back enjoying the feeling of her soft warm body in his arms and the way she nuzzled her nose against his neck. He whispered into her curls.

“Would you mind if I sat with you?”

Her eyes found his and she shook her head quietly. He held her tight with her unbruised cheek against his chest and placed her in his lap with his long legs formed as a nest.

“Please, tell me what happened that night, Charlotte. I saw the marks on your thighs. What did I do to you?”

“You didn’t hurt me the way you think, Sidney. When you had calmed down you got... amorous... I wanted to be close to you too, you didn’t force yourself on me. You didn’t have the patience or the capability to lift my nightdress and simply ripped it open. It was rough but not brutal and when you... peaked... you lost your balance and grabbed the nearest thing for stability – unfortunately that was my thighs and you have pretty strong fingers. I didn’t think much of until the next day when I saw two perfect prints of your hands. You were on so much pain as it was and I didn’t want you to feel worse than you already did. If you had been abusive, I would have called for Thomas. I would not have stood for it, Sidney. Trust me on this.”

“Being drunk is not an excuse...”

“No, it is not.”

“Why didn’t you leave me alone?”

“Because I made a wow to you on our wedding day to stand by you and I made a promise to you after the funeral to bring you back. To not let you push me away. How could I go back on that?”

“Please forgive me...”

“There is nothing to forgive...”

“Yes, there is. I was a bloody idiot. Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you.”

“I promise I will never hurt you again.”

“Yes, you will. And I will hurt you. Hopefully not by intention, but we cannot promise each other that. I need you to make a promise though. The right promise.”

“Anything.”

“Do not leave me like that again to go drinking and fighting. Stay with me. Do not scare me like that again. That is a choice you can make and that you can promise me. Promise me that.”

She looked him firmly in the eyes. He swallowed.

“I promise...”

“One more thing...”

“Yes...”

“How did you know I needed you yesterday? That Edward was...”

“I felt it. I can feel your presence in a room before I see you, your mood, your everything... I didn’t know where you were, I just suddenly had an eerie sense that you needed me... I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I understand perfectly what you mean.”

Her eyes were glossy with tears.

“Charlotte?”

“Yes, Sidney.”

“You are going to make a wonderful mother.”

“And you a wonderful father.”

She leaned back against his chest and he gently stroked her yet flat stomach with his big hand.

A little week or so later Charlotte had fully recovered and wanted to continue her work in the herb garden. She changed to a simple brown dress – they were still in mourning and that would do nicely – and went to the study.

“I am going outside. Would you mind if I take Heraclitus with me?”

She tried not to look anxious but the attach was still very present in her mind.

“Of course. Would you like me to go with you as well?”

“No, I’ll be fine. You are busy. I will see you for tea.”

Her heart skipped a beat when she neared the place. Everything was tidy and neat as if nothing had happened. With a deep breath she sat down and started to place the pecks in the bed. Heraclitus trotted around her and nuzzled her arms to be petted which made her laugh. It felt good to laugh after the strain and sorrow of the last weeks. The sudden sound of steps behind her made her freeze.

“Madam.”

The familiar voice made her turn with a relieved smile on her face.

“Thomas! Did my husband send you to look after me?”

He sent her wide grin.

“I am not here for your sake, Madam. I am here for Mr. Parker. He is pacing a hole in the floor in the hallway. I told him that the cook needed me to get something from the garden.”

“There is nothing here for the cook to use...”

“Mr. Parker doesn’t know that... I hope.”

He chuckled. Thomas was a tall young man, taller than Sidney. Not more than twenty. Broad shoulders, kind intelligent green eyes and an unruly cowlick.

“Now, tell me how to make myself useful. I know nothing about gardening.”

He helped her for half an hour with dividing the bed into squares while they chatted. Suddenly he spoke in a serious tone.

“Mr. Parker is not abusive. I would never have let you enter the study if he had had that look in his eyes.”

“I know, Thomas...”

“My father was not a kind man. I know the signs. I have five younger sisters and I never let him lay a hand on them – I could protect my mother as well most of the times. I just had to be the first to annoy him.”

“Oh, Thomas. I am sorry to hear that. How are they coping now with you being here?”

“The old man left us years ago... when I got too big and strong for him.”

“Your mother and sisters must be so proud of you. Are they all still at home?”

He nodded.

“All except the oldest. She is a maid nearby.”

She smiled at him.

“Thank you for keeping me company, Thomas. You better go inside again; the cook will be wondering where you are!”

He laughed.

“And put Mr. Parker out of his misery. Tell him you met me and that I asked for his company.”

“I will, Madam.”

The tall long-limbed boy got up and brushed the dirt of his pants. Gave her a nod and a smile and walked back to the house.

“Thomas...!”

“Yes, Madam.”

“Let me know, if I can do anything for your family!”

“Thank you, Madam.”

A short while later Sidney appeared immensely pleased with himself carrying a big blanket and a picnic basket.

“I thought you needed some refreshments.”

She rewarded him with a bright smile.

“You couldn’t be more correct.”

He spread out the blanket and unpacked the treats before helping her down. They sat for a while in comfortable silence. Charlotte spoke first.

“What do you think will happen to Edward?”

“Jail. But not forever.”

“No...”

“I doubt he will dare show his face here again though... apparently, he is terrified of Thomas. John told me that Edward almost jumped into the constable’s wagon himself just to get away from him. Thomas had whispered something in his ear that made him turn completely white with fear.”

Charlotte smiled sadly remembering what Thomas had confided in her.

“I suppose we will be alright.”

“Otherwise I will have to take up gardening.”

She smiled happily at him. He looked around, puzzled.

“Then maybe I would know what kind of invisible ingredient the cook had sent Thomas to get.”

They both laughed. Charlotte leaned her back against his chest, she could feel his heartbeat vibrate through her body and his hand on her stomach.

“Now, Mrs. Parker. Lean back and relax and I will read to you. As I recall it you very much like that.”

He pulled her closer and she closed her eyes and let his dark voice flow through her.

Chapter Text

One year, four months and three weeks after the wedding

Summer season was getting closer. The Sanditon Prospect was thriving and soon the little seaside town would be flooded with guests. At Sanditon House things were in a quieter pace than normal. The household was still in mourning and Charlotte was still recovering from the attack though she would deny it stubbornly if asked. She and Sidney walked the surroundings of the estate or took strolls on the cliff road. They would talk, sometimes about what happened, sometimes share memories of Lady D but mostly they would talk about how they wanted to be as parents – what values they wanted to pass on to their child.

Sidney only made the mistake once to ask Charlotte if they had walked for too long. And she only argued once that he did not have to carry her back after she nearly fainted. So, the two of them continued their walks and when Sidney found his wife too pale or dizzy, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to the house. Charlotte reluctantly cherished feeling light as a feather in the safety of his arms, resting her head against his shoulder and listening to the beat of his heart and his voice.

As the days passed Charlotte got stronger and the bruise on her cheek was merely a yellow shadow that one would only notice when the sun shined cruelly enough. One day Sidney could not postpone any longer to take Thunder and inspect the various activities. He expected that he would have to fight Charlotte to not go with him but to his surprise Charlotte – his wonderful determined Charlotte – decided to stay at home. He was relieved because though she seemed like her normal self again, she was after all pregnant and a full day on horseback was straining nonetheless.

Thomas found Charlotte in the hall and sent her a fatherly look. She rolled her eyes with a small laugh.

“I am not going anywhere. I am expecting Mr. Robinson – he is doing a small job for me.”

No sooner had she spoken the words before there was a firm knock on the front door and Thomas opened.

“Welcome, Mr. Robinson. This way, please.”

Fred Robinson bowed and followed Charlotte up the stairs.

Later Charlotte was waiting in the hall again. This time for her husband. Heraclitus lay patiently by her feet. The big dog jumped up and tripped impatiently by the front door when he heard his master approaching. At the sight of Sidney Charlotte leapt into his arms realizing how much she missed him after only hours apart.

“That is quite a welcome, Charlotte. I should leave the house more often.”

“Please don’t!”

She took his hand and led him up the stairs to their study. He was too tall for her to cover his eyes so she instructed him to walk backwards and gently guided him to Lady Denham’s chair.

“Look!”

Sidney turned his head around the room not quite sure what to look for but then a shiny object caught his eye. A small engraved brass plate sparkled on the dark wood surrounding the fireplace right next to the big armchair.

This was the favorite spot of Lady Denham

Loved and missed

1746 – 1820

“What a wonderful thought, Charlotte. She would have loved that!”

He turned to her and dove his hand into her curls and pulled her into a kiss. His lips just brushed hers, then gently nipped first her upper lip and then her lower lip, slowly increasing the pressure and passion. He hooked his other arm around her waist and pulled her close. His tongue dipped carefully in her mouth, a light moan escaped from her and spurred him on. It was a kiss that brought back their very first kiss on the cliff road, the kiss when Charlotte returned from London and the kiss after their wedding wows. Sidney slowly broke the kiss and nuzzled his nose against hers.

“When is it safe to...be with you again?”

She had never heard his voice be that deep, that trembling or that longing before. It flushed the past weeks of pain and fear away.

“Now.”

A week later Mrs. Heywood arrived for a short visit with the youngest of Charlotte’s siblings. The oldest two brothers stayed at home with Mr. Heywood to help out. Charlotte and Sidney happily greeted them outside. Mrs. Heywood shot one glance at her daughter’s pregnant belly and declared.

“You are expecting twins.”

Two things happened. Sidney instantly turned pale and swallowed a lump. Charlotte burst out laughing. Not her normal cheerful laughter but the one you give when you are panicking and laugh not to cry.

“We don’t know that yet, Mama! How do you...”

Mrs. Heywood nodded in the direction of four of Charlotte’s siblings. Two sets of beautiful brown-haired twins.

“It runs in the family, my dear girl. I can recognize a twin pregnancy anytime and that is twins... Do you need me to fetch you a glass of brandy, dear Sidney? You look quite ill.”

She sent him a wry smile. Before Sidney could answer, Thomas turned up with Adam on his shoulders. The little boy looked confused and unhappy.

“Madam, would you mind if I took little Adam here for a walk? He is looking for “DeeDee.”

Mrs. Heywood nodded hesitantly. Thomas and Adam walked away with Heraclitus trotting curiously after them.

“Adam will be fine, Mama. Thomas is a great young man with an instinct to do the right thing when someone is in pain.”

An hour or so later the trio returned. Adam was happily chatting and waving at everybody from the heights of Thomas’ shoulders. Mrs. Heywood could hardly disguise her relief and tried to sound cheerful.

“Where did you two adventure to?”

“The cemetery, Madam. To say hello to Lady Denham.”

She looked surprised at him.

“I am no stranger to loss myself, Madam. Unfortunately, not to young ones like Adam losing a loved one either. I find that it helps to go and talk to them put something in the place instead of emptiness.”

“What on Earth did you tell him?”

Thomas smiled widely.

“That is between young Master Adam and myself. He can tell you himself when he is old enough.”

He put Adam down on the ground.

“Now, if you will excuse me, Madam. I have to go back to work.”

Loneliness seems a terrible price to pay for caution, does it not?

Chapter Text

The day of the birth

It was one of the last days in February. Weather was half bad with a grey sky glooming over Sanditon. Sidney had gone to see Tom about some business but had promised to back for lunch, the twins were due in only a week or two and he didn’t like to be away from his wife. Charlotte was still sitting in the breakfast room when he left moving her food around on her plate, hungry but somehow without the appetite to eat something. Her body felt sore and uneasy, she hadn’t slept well and she opted to go their bedroom to nap.

Out in the hall the first contraction hit her like a kick of a horse and she cried out. Thomas was there in an instant, picked her up and carried her upstairs while shouting orders.

“John, go fetch Mr. Parker – he's at Trafalgar House. And Dr. Fuchs. It’s time! Hetty! You’re coming with me!”

John hurried out the door and Hetty followed Thomas weeping. She was the youngest of her siblings and had never seen a birth before. Thomas had and he was speaking calmly and soothingly to Charlotte.

“I’ve got you. Mr. Parker and the doctor is on their way. You will be fine.”

She had another painful contraction and squeezed Thomas’ neck tightly.

“It’s alright, Madam. You can squeeze as hard as you need to.”

In the bedroom he placed her gently on the bed, turned around and grabbed Hetty by the shoulders.

“Hetty, look at me. You need to change Mrs. Parker into a nice comfortable nightdress. Can you do that? I have to leave the room while you do it so please hurry.”

She nodded.

Twenty minutes later she opened the door again and let in Thomas.

“Has she had any contractions?”

“Yes.”

“How many?”

“Ehm... one.”

Thomas did some calculations in his head; the contractions were roughly ten minutes apart. He sent Hetty after water, cloths and whatever he could think of that the doctor might be in need of. It was obvious that Hetty was grateful for a marching order that was not in the same room as Mrs. Parker.

“Thomas, you don’t need to stay...”

He took her hand and sent her a smile.

“I’m afraid, Mr. Parker will never forgive me if I leave you. I’m staying!”

Another contraction. Hetty came back just in time for the next one turning completely pale.

“Hetty, I need you to place some towels under Mrs. Parker. For when the water breaks.”

She looked at him without understanding the words. Thomas sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Hetty, I am going to lift Mrs. Parker up and you are going to place towels under her. Is that clear?”

She nodded.

Thomas lifted Charlotte and Hetty spread out the towels with shaking hands.

“How do you know so much about child birth, Thomas?”

Charlotte was between contractions and fairly present.

“I assisted the midwife when my second-youngest sister was born. The midwife was busy elsewhere when Mum had my youngest sister so I was alone.”

He could tell another contraction was on its way and took her hand again.

“You just give it a good squeeze, Madam.”

No one in the house missed the moment Sidney entered the house. He flung the front door open and yelled for his wife as he took the stairs three flights at a time. A short while after Dr. Fuchs arrived and glanced amused at the two men assisting Charlotte.

“Ach, Frau Parker. I see you are in good strong hands.”

Thomas was still kneeling beside the bed having his hand crushed. Sidney was sitting next to her in bed dapping her forehead with a cold cloth.

“Are you both staying?”

He looked amused at the two gentlemen through his small round glasses.

“Yes!”

“No.”

Sidney and Thomas spoke simultaneously. Thomas folded out his long body.

“I will go check on the hot water and coffee.”

Dr. Fuchs gave him an approving nod. He was examining Charlotte and Sidney did not care for his concerned expression.

“Herr Parker. Twins are always hard on their mothers and these two are in a particular stubborn mood. This is going to be hard. Are you sure you want to be in here?”

“I am not leaving my wife, no matter what! Just tell me what to do and I will do it!”

“Sehr gut. When Frau Parker is dilated enough, I need to turn the first twin around. It will hurt her. Sit behind her and hold her still. Calm her down. We can hardly give her brandy.”

The doctor chuckled a little. Sidney frowned as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off his boots and waistcoat. He placed himself behind Charlotte, hooked his arms under hers and dotted kisses on her damp temple between whispering soothing words.

The water broke with a splash, Dr. Fuchs wrapped the wet towels into a bundle and opened the door. Thomas was ready with a bucket for them and a fresh stack of clean towels.

“Sehr gut. Danke!”

A few hours more passed. Thomas seemed to know exactly when to bring refreshments, hot water or whatever the doctor needed into the room, when he needed it. He also made sure that Sidney remembered to drink a little or take a bite of something. More hours passed and the contractions continued to roll over Charlotte faster and faster.

“Now, Frau Parker. I need to help the first baby a little. It will hurt, but Herr Parker is here.”

She cried out as his hand went inside to turn the first baby Parker around. Sidney held on to her the best he could chanting words of comfort to her.

“You can do this, Charlotte. Just a little more. You can do this.”

Thomas entered the room the second he could hear the first baby cry. He held out a towel and received the first baby. Dr. Fuchs looked a little confused but Thomas’ movements were confident and skilled.

“Herr und Frau Parker. You have a little boy but you will have to wait a little to meet him... Now, Mrs. Parker. You have to resist pushing until I tell you to.”

Charlotte leaned back against Sidney. She was exhausted.

“I can’t do it. It hurts too much.”

He gently turned her head and kissed her softly on the lips.

“Yes, you can. You are strong and stubborn and determined. More than any woman or man I ever known. You are almost there, Charlotte. You can do it.”

“Push, Frau Parker! Push!”

Charlotte pushed with all she had. So hard that Sidney had to do his best not to be pushed over.”

“It’s a girl!”

Thomas took the little girl and rubbed her dry. Little boy Parker was sleeping in the basket with clean towels.

“I don’t feel too go...”

Charlotte fainted in Sidney’s arms.

“What is wrong? What is happening?”

Dr. Fuchs looked up.

“She is bleeding.”

The doctor continued to work between Charlotte’s legs.

“There is not much more I can do now. The bleeding has stopped. For now. We will have to wait and see. If she makes it, she may never carry another child, Herr Parker.”

Thomas spoke softly.

“I will send for a wet nurse. Do you wish me to take the babies to the nursery, Sir?”

“No! I want my wife and children where I can see them. Whatever needs to be done with them will happen in here, understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Dr. Fuchs got up and stretched his short round body.

“We should clean her up. And she needs to be washed often.”

Sidney clenched his jaw.

“Tell me what to do and I will do it!”

“Herr Parker, it is not a pretty sight. We should have a woman to...”

Sidney interrupted him and shot a glance at Thomas.

“She has cleaned up worse after me. I owe her this much. Just tell me what to do.”

Dr. Fuchs gave Sidney the instructions and then left the room with Thomas who set him up with a guest room and a tray of food. Sidney carefully removed the soaked sheets and nightdress from Charlotte, washed and dressed her in a clean nightdress and placed clean towels under her. She was breathing but nothing more. He placed their two newborns next to her and spooned her.

“I know, you are tired, Charlotte. But please fight. I don’t know how to live without you. How to be a father without you. You should see our two children; they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. They look just like you. Please fight. I promise I will do anything you want me to. Just don’t leave me.”

A soft knock on the door announced that the wet nurse was here. She sat down in a big chair and soon the twins were sucking eagerly. Sidney stumbled to the doorway, almost all the staff were standing outside the room to show their support. Thomas took a warning step to block Sidney’s way. Sidney sent him a short smile.

“Relax, Thomas. I am not going anywhere. John, do you ride?”

“Yes.”

“Please take Thunder and ride to Willingden and get Mr. and Mrs. Heywood. They should know. Be able to say goodb... To see their daughter and grandchildren.”

“Right away, Sir.”

“Thomas, will you get me a fresh set of clothes?”

“Yes, Sir.”

The wet nurse was done and Sidney carefully placed the twins next to their mother again. Charlotte was still breathing. She was still fighting. He lay down beside her desperate to do something.

“Follow my voice, Charlotte. Let me guide you back.”

And for the next hours Sidney recited every poem he could remember. He talked about the things he wanted them to do as a family. How much he loved her. He spoke to her while he washed her and changed the towels and when Thomas entered with the wet nurse to feed.

Thomas changed the babies before tucking them back into the big bed. Dr. Fuchs came from time to time to check on her. Sidney never stopped speaking to Charlotte.

As the sun sent the first pale beams through the windows Mr. and Mrs. Heywood arrived just in time to see Charlotte open her eyes. Sidney broke down in tears next to the bed. Mr. Heywood pulled his tall son-in-law into the study and poured them both a solid drink. After they had gulped the brandy Mr. Heywood grabbed Sidney’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

“Are you ready to go back in, son?”

Sidney nodded.

Charlotte was lying palely but awake in the bed. Dr. Fuchs looked pleased.

“She is still weak but she will recover. Plenty of rest and she must eat!”

Mr. and Mrs. Heywood quietly left the room with Dr. Fuchs leaving the new family to themselves. Sidney took her hand and kissed it.

“I have never been so scared in my life before.”

She smiled faintly at him.

“I look forward to building sandcastles and conquering the river by boat.”

He looked surprised at her.

“You heard me?”

“Every word. I was so lost in the darkness but I followed your voice. Your beautiful voice.”

After a few days of rest Charlotte was strong enough to breastfeed the twins herself. Sidney still refused to let any of his loved ones leave the room and Thomas orchestrated whatever was needed to fulfill his master’s will including changing and bathing the little ones.

“Thomas?”

“Yes, Madam.”

“Do you think that one of your oldest sisters would be interested in being the nanny here?”

Thomas lit up in a big smile.

“I certainly do. Thank you, Madam!”

“We are very grateful to you, Thomas. And if she is half as good as you with children she will do splendidly!”

Thomas blushed.

“I’m used to it, Madam. It was not an option to pass down helping my mum just because I was a boy.”

The sun was shining on the day of the christening. Lady Susan shed a little tear of joy when she thought no one was looking, she had never thought that she would be so delighted being appointed Godmother to Theodor Thomas Parker and Elizabeth Elenore Parker but she was deeply moved and promised herself to do the job very well.

Chapter Text

The first ten years after the day of the birth

Thomas’ sister, Emma, was a pretty girl of seventeen. Kind, intelligent and with the same uncanny sense of the people around her as her brother. In short, she was a wonderful nanny to Theodor and Elizabeth. It was a happy household – with a loyal and relatively small-sized staff that appreciated the ways of their masters. Sidney and Charlotte played an active part in running the place and they parented the same way.

Sidney spent the first three months after the birth in a constant fear of losing his family and he insisted that the twins slept in the master bedroom for the first six months. Even if it meant that he and Charlotte would have to get up in the middle of night themselves – a task he was more than happy to take upon himself. Charlotte had watched him many a night sitting in the big rocking chair whispering stories to his sleeping children or walking around with one them against his shoulder to soothe them and rock them back to sleep. Nothing like these moments could make her feel more in love or connected with her husband. As soon as the little ones mostly slept through the night, he reluctantly had their beds moved back to the nursery.

They chose to raise their children much the same way that Charlotte had been raised without the distinction of gender. Theo and Lizzy were both taught to fish, ride and shoot from a very young age like Charlotte had been – and unlike other children of their status Theo and Lizzy had chores. Not big ones but enough to know and respect the meaning of a hard day’s work. As a woman who loved to dance Charlotte also insisted on both them learning to play the piano, one of her own few regrets. She wanted them to have music in their lives and especially Theo took on the instrument and by the age of ten he played beautifully.

Most important was the love and understanding of knowledge. As the Sanditon Prospect grew in size and prosperity they took offices in town to room the growing number of assistants and separate work and private life. Charlotte and Sidney shared an office with two desks facing each other and she was as much a decision maker as her husband though a greater part of her day was spent at Sanditon House. The library was expanded and turned into a schoolroom where Sidney and Charlotte played everything from philosophy to poems to business understanding into their twins.

Except for the year where Charlotte was pregnant, she and Sidney participated as a team in the annual shooting contest – and won. It was no longer an event held by the Prince and Lord Courtland but a Sanditon event like the regatta and the cricket match. The couple saw more and more of the Prince and Lady Susan but less and less of Lord and Lady Courtland who chose to spend most of their time in their estate in Italy where Lord Courtland’s mother was from. They led a relatively quiet life with their little daughter considering how addictive they both had been to London society. Isn’t it odd how happiness can impact people’s priorities?

Theo and Lizzy were inseparable. They did everything together usually with Heraclitus trotting along after them doing his best to keep them out of trouble. But as the two of them were a miniature version of their parents, the poor dog didn’t stand a chance. Though both intelligent, kind and somewhat impatient, Theo had taken after his father’s brooding and thoughtful nature while Lizzy was fearless and open like her mother. Fitzwilliam Babington was one year older but from very early on the three of them were thick as thieves when together. Lord Fitzwilliam Babington was seven years old when he declared to his mother that he was going to marry Miss Elizabeth Parker.

At the age of ten and eleven Theo, Lizzy and Will entered the drawing room with a determination that immediately alarmed the four parents having their tea. Lizzy was the chosen spokesperson.

“We have an idea!”

Sidney muffled a small laugh.

“Well, tell us then, my dear.”

“The annual summer festival does not have much entertainment unless you are a little child or old. We would like to change that this year.”

“Alright, we’re listening. Tell us more. Why do you find it less entertaining?”

“The sandcastles are just not challenging enough and we are not big enough to enter say the regatta. We would like to arrange three contests for the young from age ten to fifteen. Shooting, rowing and cricket. With prizes and everything.”

“You may have a point. How do you suggest that we do it?”

Theo took a step forward.

“We thought that the junior version could be a warm up for the spectators before the seniors competed. That way the material would already be there and there would be more entertainment for the visitors as well.”

Will looked at his father.

“You have talked about how we could get more families to come here regularly. We all here know how much tradition means in a family.”

Sidney stood up and cleared his throat.

“Thank you so much for your business proposal. The four of us will discuss the matters and return to you shortly. Give us half an hour, please. But before you go, how much will you be willing to invest of your time in it?”

All three looked at him and said unanimously.

“All it takes!”

“Very well then.”

He bowed to them and they left.

Charlotte, Esther, Sidney and Babington looked at each other laughing. Babington spoke first.

“That is actually a bloody good idea!”

“Perhaps we should start out with cricket and rowing. I am not that comfortable with a group of adolescents running around with firearms.”

Esther’s voice was amused and serious at the same time. Sidney looked around.

“Do we agree?”

Nodding all around. He leaned in and whispered to Charlotte.

“They reminded me of you.”

She smiled, he took her hand and kissed it.

Over the next few weeks, the trio were busy planning the Regatta Junior and Cricket Junior competitions. They made posters and placed all over town, they asked the baker if they could set up a stand in front of his shop were the junior participants could sign up – they even asked all the merchants if they would be willing to sponsor consolation prizes so that there would be something in it even if you were not the biggest or strongest. In a matter of a very short time the trio could proudly present four junior cricket teams and eight junior rowing teams – whereof they were a team themselves. Emma, now happily married to Fred Robinson, had agreed to help them out on the two days manning the information desk at the starting line by the river and by the cricket field on the beach.

A group of twelve-year-old boys from the London Ton won the cricket tournament. Lizzy was angry. Not because her team were beaten in the final but because they were brutes. Part of Team Parker/Babington were local boys and girls from hard working families and dear friends of the twins and she could not stand the way that the London team made fun of them or found it fitting to bowl a hard ball on purpose. When the pitcher, Gilbert, had knocked out poor Emily with a ball, Lizzy walked determinedly up to him.

“Apologize!”

“Not a chance!”

She kicked away the legs under him and placed a knee on his chest. Tom who was the referee was ready to interfere but Sidney stopped him.

“Let her handle it...”

Lizzy repeated.

“Apologize! Be a gentleman.”

“A gentleman? Are you being a lady then?”

“Normally, yes. But right now, I am a warrior! Apologize and I will let you go.”

Gilbert was just about to lash out after Lizzy when Theo and Will turned up behind her.

“I wouldn’t hit my sister, if I were you.”

“Why, are you going to defend her then, you little rat?”

“Oh no, she is perfectly fine on her own. I am telling you for your sake.”

Gilbert looked confused for a short while and then he swung his arm against Lizzy who grabbed it and twisted it around holding his thumb in a deadlock. She raised her arm as if to punch him but just bobbed his nose, got up and reached out her hand to help him up. He considered his options but chose to accept her hand and she rewarded him with a bright smile. Gilbert ran out to the side and apologized with a bow to Emily who were being seen to. The audience clapped with some relief at the sportsmanship.

After the match the two teams shook hands. Gilbert sought out Lizzy.

“I’m sorry for my behavior back there.”

She smiled.

“I like to compete as well as any boy but I prefer not to be an ass when I do it.”

“Good point... say, how do you know to fight?”

“I don’t fight but my father has taught us how to defend ourselves. I hate bullies. Especially bullies who are bigger and stronger than their victims.”

He blushed shamefully.

“I am Gilbert Beaumont by the way, but my friends call me Gil.”

“Elizabeth Parker, but my friends call me Lizzy.”

“Will I see you tomorrow at the regatta, Lizzy?”

“Elizabeth! We are not friends yet. And yes, you will, Gilbert.”

She winked at him and walked away. Will and Theo were watching them from the refreshment tent, Will clenched his jaw.

“We cannot lose to that buffoon tomorrow.”

It was a perfect day for a regatta. Not too hot and a with a sheen of clouds giving a nice shade from the sun. There were two rounds and Gilbert’s team pulled round two. He came up to wish the twins and Will a good race with the hope that they would win the round and compete against him in the final. The trio may be among the youngest contestants but they were practically raised in a boat on that river and Lizzy coxed them to a comfortable victory. Gilbert and his team won the second round with Lizzy, Theo and Will watching from the bank discussing their weaknesses and strengths.

“Alright, boys. They are bigger and stronger than us but they only won because the other teams were as uncoordinated as them. We weigh less, we have rested and we move as one. We can beat them!”

“She’s right. We will pull off hard to begin with to get ahead and they will most likely get out of rhythm as they try to catch up.”

Lined up at the starting line Gilbert sent Lizzy an admiring nod. She nodded coldly in return. The minute the starting signal had sounded she started yelling.

“POWER FIFTY IN TWO!... ONE!... TWO!.... WILL! DOWN AND AWAY.... KEEP POWER FIFTY... TWO!... ONE!... COME ON BOYS! TWO!...ONE!...

They were off with a perfect start. Their boat sliced through the water with razor-sharp precision. As expected, Gilbert’s team were thrown off guard and started to just pull the oars wasting valuable minutes before their cox had them coordinated again. Team Parker/Babington won by more than a boat’s length and Will felt oddly satisfied. All three of them received the trophy together and held it triumphantly up in the air.

Gilbert and his team came to congratulate them.

“You did a good job, Elizabeth. Perhaps I will see you next year?”

“Perhaps you will.”

I find silence is much undervalued

Chapter Text

Twelve years after the day of the birth

“Please take a seat, Thomas.”

Sidney motioned against a comfortable chair in the study. Thomas obeyed looking slightly puzzled but relaxed when Charlotte sent him a warm smile.

“How long have you been with us, Thomas?”

“Nearly fifteen years, Sir.”

“How old are you now?”

“Close to twenty-nine, sir.”

Charlotte looked surprised at him. Thomas smiled.

“I was fourteen when Lady Denham took me in – in the spring of the year where you moved in, Sir. I applied for a job as a stable boy but I couldn’t tell the head from the tail of a horse. Lady Denham needed a footman but I had to be older for that position, and so she informed me that I was. She liked the idea of having a secret – even if it was only from Benson. It wasn’t a complete lie when I told you that I was not yet twenty, Madam. Emma is my twin.”

Sidney and Charlotte laughed. Only Lady Denham would have found a pleasure in taking in a young boy in need and tell him to lie to the butler about his age. Sidney continued.

“I hope you know how much we appreciate you. You have stood by us on more than one occasion.”

“I am very fond of you both, Sir.”

“We know... We know. We are fond of you too. That is why we have an offer to make you.”

Thomas raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Our business in Sanditon has as you know become quite extensive and we would like to offer you an apprenticeship. Learn the business from scratch and work your way up. You are smart with a good eye for people’s needs and we believe that you will make a big difference. You can keep your room here at Sanditon House and take your meals here. Should you accept the job we expect you to study in the evenings – we will of course assist you and show you which books from the library you should read.”

Charlotte supplied.

“If you don’t want to accept the position, Thomas, you still have your current one. But we really hope you will take it.”

Thomas sat for a while in complete silence. His jaws clenched. His eyes a little misty. He cleared his throat.

“You really think that I have what it takes?”

“Absolutely. We are only sorry that we haven’t been able to offer it to you sooner.

“Then I say, thank you very much and yes. I am very honored.”

His voice was mushy, his eyes teary.

“Excellent, Thomas. One more thing. We would like you to find your replacement here. Perhaps someone as worthy as you?”

Charlotte looked kindly at him. He understood the meaning and nodded.

“I will be happy to.”

Sidney handed him an envelope.

“This is... a sort of bonus. You are going to need a prober suit or two.”

Thomas shook his head.

“That is too much, Sir. You have already done more than one could have hoped for.”

“I’m afraid I must insist, Thomas. You have deserved it. You start Monday. Benson has been informed and is very pleased for you. As are the rest of them. Come to think of it I think they are waiting for you in the kitchen to congratulate you. Please look surprised when you get there, I’m not sure I was supposed to tell you.”

Thomas shook Sidney’s hand.

“Thank you, Sir.”

He turned to Charlotte.

“Thank you, Madam. I will do my very best.”

“We know you will, Thomas.”

Sidney pulled Charlotte into his arms and kissed her.

“I liked that.”

“Me too.”

Chapter Text

Sixteen years after the day of the birth

Thomas struggled with his new job the first year. Everything was new including learning academic skills and at times the learning curve seemed too steep to climb. Had it not been for the support of Charlotte and Sidney and the enthusiastic help from the twins he would not have made it. But as soon as he got the hang of it his confidence grew and so did his natural talent for reading people and adapt to them; Thomas was able to move fluently between the social layers of their suppliers and collaborators from the little shop owner in Sanditon to the London snobs. He was a social chameleon taking the color from his surroundings without ever losing his own integrity, credibility or kind instantly trustworthy self. It including eating as naturally in the kitchen with the Sanditon House servants as well as the occasional dining with Charlotte, Sidney and the twins. His flair for social language transferred as fluently to foreign languages and four years in, he could converse in German, French and Italian – simply picked up from a mix of foreign workers, merchants and a solid effort from the twins. He still continued to live at Sanditon House and was without knowing it a sought-after prospect of the Sanditon women, alas you would never see him attend any of the balls or dances. Charlotte had tried to convince him to go but in vain.

She couldn’t convince him to go to the opera with the family on the twins sixteenth birthday either and so the four Parkers got into their carriage one freezingly cold but beautiful morning at the end of February to go to London. Over the years Charlotte had become an avid opera goer, often in the company with Mrs. Hoare, and she looked forward to introduce the experience to her two music-loving children.

Sidney always read to his family on these drives but without the brandy. Not once in their eighteen years of marriage had the two of them spend a night away from each other and they never went anywhere without the twins.

Theo and Lizzy opted for a stroll in the park near Bedford Place to stretch their legs after the long drive. They were talking and laughing and simply enjoying each other's company when someone cried out behind them.

“Miss Parker, is that really you?”

Surprised they turned around only to face a happily smiling Gilbert Beaumont.

“And Mr. Parker too. What a delight to run into you both here. What has London done to deserve the presence of your company?”

They greeted him amiably.

“We are here for the opera... I Capuleti e i Montecchi. Tomorrow...”

Theo might as well have told him that the moon was made of cheese, Gilbert didn’t listen – he was busy drowning himself in Lizzy’s big brown eyes. She didn’t notice but Theo did and felt the need to fend away Will’s rival.

“We are heading back home. It is getting dark soon.”

With that Theo bowed goodbye and offered his sister his arm. Mrs. Beaumont was surprised but thrilled when her son came home that afternoon and offered to go with her to the opera the following evening.

When Sidney saw his two children’s excitement over the grandeur of the opera house, he was instantly taken back to the first time he had been there with Charlotte. She had been so adorably thrilled and beautiful, he glanced lovingly at her – she still was. After all this time she still made his heart skip a beat when she laughed or bit her lip. Being here with his family almost brought a treacherous tear to his eye. Fortunately, Mrs. Hoare came to meet them with her arms open.

“Oh my, you two young people must be the handsomest opera debutants here tonight.”

Indeed, they were. Theo was the spitting image of his father but a little taller. Dark brown curls tamed by an excellent barber, piercing brown eyes, a sharp jawline, broad shoulders and beautiful full lips. Lizzy was significantly taller than her mother, brown curls too fixed in a simple but beautiful hairdo, big brown sparkling eyes, blushing cheeks, very kissable lips and an adorable dimple in her chin. The two of them radiated the pleasant confidence that came from growing up with the privilege of wealth and loving parents. Being called out like this was not their favorite discipline and both blushed with a shy smile.

In the intermission the Parkers were met by Gilbert Beaumont and his mother. This time Lizzy noticed the overwhelming affection of the young man and excused herself. And this time Theo had his father to help the small talk going and they discussed the annual regatta where the twins and Will would debut in the senior competition where Gilbert and his friends had been losing for the past two years since they outgrew the junior league.

“And has your daughter been presented yet, Mrs. Parker?”

“No, Mrs. Beaumont. But she will be this summer at the ball in Sanditon.”

“Ah, yes of course. It has become quite a tradition for us to go every summer since we took one of the apartments. Luckily Gilbert is very pleased with the competitive activities.”

The intermission was over and they all returned to their seats.

Next day Gilbert called on Lizzy to invite her for a walk in the park. He had hoped for a silent maid chaperoning from a few feet behind but Lizzy insisted on bringing her brother and so Theo had to play the uncomfortable role of the third wheel. Gilbert did his best to talk privately with Lizzy and pointed at things he hoped would draw Theo away a little, unfortunately Lizzy did her best to pull him back into the conversation. At some point she even took his arm. Nonetheless Gilbert was pleased with having spent the afternoon with his heart’s desire and he looked forward to dancing with her in Sanditon.

Spring pushed winter away and soon Sanditon was buzzing as the summer season started. The Babingtons moved into Sanditon House as they always did for the summer and Theo, Lizzy and Will prepared for the competitions as they had done since they were ten. Everything was as it used to be except for two young men fighting for the attention of the young and lovely Elizabeth Parker and young women swooning over the handsome and mysterious Theodor Parker and his handsome and outgoing friend Fitzwilliam Babington. The three of them owned this summer season and they didn’t much like it. Will hated the attention that Lizzy was getting as much as she did. She just wanted the summer to be fun, active and carefree as always and Theo had yet to meet a young woman interesting enough to engage with. Adulthood was knocking on the door and all of them had a reason to dislike it.

The twins paired up for the shooting contest. It was the first time they were allowed to enter. It was also the first time Charlotte and Sidney Parker lost.

Gilbert would have to wait for the regatta to compete against the trio as the adult cricket match as tradition was between the workers and gentlemen of Sanditon only. It did give him – and Will – the chance to admire Lizzy play. The wind had been playing with her long curls until the match where she had put it up in a loose hairdo that still allowed a few curls to frame her face and more followed as the match progressed. It is safe to say that the twins were responsible for the victory after the gentlemen team had been defeated four years in a row. No one could deny that it was a very handsome family that laughingly left the beach together after the match.

The regatta was a different battlefield and after having won the junior race every year the three young people were less confident that they would even make it to the final this year. Stringer had worked and lived in London for a decade now and Thomas had taken his place in the boat with his brother-in-law Fred Robinson and their cox. They had easily made it to the final and were again this year’s favorites to win. The Parker brother’s boat had had varied results over the years and failed to qualify. That suited Sidney well as it gave him the opportunity to stand on the bank with his wife and root for his twins and Will who with their strategic skills had secured themselves a spot in the final along with Gilbert’s team and some of the Prince’s friends who stayed at Denham Place.

“I don’t think we can beat Thomas and Fred but I will settle for not losing to Gilbert Beaumont and his friends. He is after all our archenemy.”

Theo and Will nodded. Will could not have said it better himself; Gilbert Beaumont was an archenemy in every sense. The strategy was the same as always, get ahead from the start to stress the other teams and row as one. Thomas nodded at them as they lined up as if to say, welcome to the big boys’ league – you don’t stand a chance. As usual the team had the best start, Lizzy knew what she was doing and her boys made the boat cut effortless through the water. But Thomas and Fred had a good cox too and an equally good start and soon they took the lead.

Lizzy yelled instructions and controlled the speed. Her eyes were focused on Gilbert’s boat. The fourth boat was no longer a threat. Their cox had improved and so had their cooperation as a team but she knew the river by heart and with a little clever maneuver she managed to force the Gilbert’s boat a little further to the left where the current was trickier and threw them enough off guard to increase the gap. As expected, Thomas and Fred won. Again. But Theo, Lizzy and Will were more than pleased to have defeated Gilbert and his friends. Again.

Theo shook Thomas’ hand.

“We’ll take you next year!”

“Good luck with that!”

Thomas laughed and patted Theo on the back. Gilbert caught up with Lizzy and gently grabbed her elbow.

“I do believe that you owe me at least two dances at the ball as a consolation prize.”

“Oh, really? I cannot settle with a candy apple like when we were younger?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Very well then. You can have your two dances. On one condition!”

“Anything.”

Gilbert sent her flashing smile and stepped closer, still holding her elbow.

“Next year please pretend to make an effort. This was pathetic!”

She winked at him and laughed as she extracted her arm from him and went to find Theo and Will. Gilbert stood dumbfounded and watched her.

Sidney, Charlotte, Esther and Babington had already left for the ball – they were after all the hosts together with Tom and Mary. Will and Theo waited for Lizzy to come down the stairs, Will almost lost his footing when she did. She looked stunning in a white dress with pale blue and pink embroidery, it revealed a good part of the golden skin on her shoulders. His mouth went dry and he missed the opportunity to offer her his arm as they walked out to the carriage.

A unanimous gasp went through the assembly hall as the three of them were presented. Pure young beauty. Gilbert had been staring at the entrance since his arrival and came to take Lizzy to the floor before Will had been able to ask for any dances.

“You look very beautiful tonight, Miss Parker.”

His voice was hoarse and deep.

“As opposed to my normal dreadful appearance, Mr. Beaumont?”

Her voice was teasing.

“No, you are always beautiful. You must know by now that I think very highly of you.”

She didn’t quite know how to respond to that – and luckily, she didn’t have to as the dance had come to an end. It was enough distraction to change the subject.

“And what are your plans after the summer, Mr. Beaumont? More opera?”

He laughed.

“No, I am starting at Oxford.”

“Oh, studying or just exercising a privileged student life of leisure?”

He swallowed.

“I plan to study. My father expects me to and I may be privileged but I also work hard for what I want!”

He was serious and locked his eyes on hers. Again, Lizzy was saved by the dance ending and Will ready to cut in. In his arms she could relax, he was after all just Will, her and Theo’s best friend. After two dances Will bent his head and whispered in her ear.

“It is very hot in here, should we take some fresh air?”

She nodded smilingly and followed him outside where he took both her hands in his.

“Elizabeth, may I court you? You must know by now that I am in love with you...”

Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her voice was desperate and barely audible.

“Will, please don’t. I cannot do this.”

He clenched his jaw and pulled her hands to his chest.

“Am I too late? Did I lose to Gilbert Beaumont?”

He spat out the words. She looked hurt and surprised at him.

“What? No! I am not choosing anyone. I just want to enjoy this summer and not think of what is waiting for us. Everything is going so fast and I want to hold on. You are our best friend, Will.”

She pulled her hands away from him and ran inside. Esther noticed the distressed look on her face and went outside to her son. He was standing heartbroken trying to breathe and not cry. Without giving a fig about her son’s pride she hugged him.

“She doesn’t want me...”

“My darling boy. You have known for a decade that you wanted to marry her. Don’t push her away as a friend because you have decided what you want. Be her friend. When she is ready and if her feelings change you will be the first to know. Trust me on this.”

Next morning after breakfast Will asked Lizzy to take a walk with him. She agreed hesitantly and they walked the cliff road in silence for a while.

“I am sorry for what I said last night. You didn’t deserve to be accused like that.”

She stopped and waited until he faced her.

“It’s just that I haven’t thought of courtship – with anyone. It won’t be long before you and Theo leave me behind to go to university or something else. If I am lucky, I can travel the continent and fight off suiters for months. Not that I don’t want to see the world but not to be presented as a potential wife. This might be the last summer where we can be us on equal terms. I am not in love with Gilbert Beaumont... in case you were wondering. And if it is any consolation to you, I turned him down as well. I know we cannot stay in this bubble forever but right now please let us at least not burst it on purpose.”

Her voice and eyes were pleading.

“Elizabeth Parker, you have my word that I will do my best to make this summer memorable. I will be the best friend you can have and not put my amorous heart on display. But also know this, I will wait for you.”

He pulled her closer and placed a soft kiss on her cheek before holding out his hand.

“Best friends?”

“Best friends.”

They shook hands and continued walking talking like the old friends they were.

Chapter Text

Eighteen years after the day of the birth

Theo and Will had left Lizzy behind to go to Oxford – she had known the day would come but hated it nonetheless. Lizzy had thrown herself into the Sanditon Prospect and worked closely with her parents, Thomas and of course Tom in running the businesses, she liked being heard but it only took some of the sting of being left out simply because she was a woman. She was raised to believe – and did believe – that she was more than equal to any woman or man if only she set her mind to it and worked hard for it. University was ruled out just because of her gender and she found that deeply unfair.

As the brilliant Godmother Lady Susan was, she arranged for Lizzy to be invited to the annual fundraising ball at Oxford and so Lizzy arrived a week early to spent time with Theo and Will. They were giving her a tour of the premises when no other than Gilbert Beaumont came running after them. He only noticed Lizzy when he was very close and for a moment, he forgot what his errand was.

“Well met, Miss Parker. Nice to see you again. Are you here for the ball?”

“Yes, that is unfortunately the only reason for me to be at Oxford.”

He didn’t quite understand the meaning of her words but smiled happily.

“Parker... Babington... I am arranging a debate this Thursday and I’m need of an opponent. Would one of you be able to participate? Mr. Mills has broken his leg.”

Theo rolled his eyes.

“What is the topic?”

“Since it is with very short notice, you decide.”

Lizzy broke into the conversation.

“Is it a social event or part of class?”

“Sort of a social event, why?”

“I’ll do it!”

All three men looked at her and burst out unanimously.

“What!?”

“I miss a good challenge and if it is not a class, I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to!”

Theo knew the look on his sister’s face, it was a lost cause. She would be in the debate even if meant she would have to have the Crown command it.

“Miss Parker, are you sure? I have after all been taught in rhetoric and philosophy. I would hate it for you to be defeated.”

Theo and Will instantly took a step back. Lizzy took a step forward and locked Gilbert’s eyes.

“So, have I! If I am willing to take the risk of looking like a frivolous young woman, why aren’t you? What do you have to lose?”

“It is just that... You know what I mean...”

He looked desperately at Theo and Will for support but they motioned that none was to be had.

“I am sure that I don’t know what you mean. Please, enlighten me, good sir. So far I fail to see you highly trained rhetorical skills.”

“But...”

“Is ‘but’ the best argument you’ve got, Mr. Beaumont? Then I simply don’t understand why you would dare challenge anyone. From what you are implying I should be an easy target because I am woman.”

Defeated Gilbert shrug his shoulders.

“Alright. You win. What topic do you choose?”

“Why women can’t attend university.”

Gilbert swallowed, Theo and Will laughed and slapped him on the back before continuing the tour with Lizzy.

Gilbert had borrowed one the biggest lecture hall for his debate and the prospect of a woman opposing him had drawn a full crowd, the room was packed. Two pulpits had been set up along with a chair in the back for Professor Capell who had agreed to judge the debate. All this was of course arranged before Mr. Mills broke his leg and Gilbert was facing Lizzy.

She had chosen a simple dark blue dress for the occasion without embellishments. Her curls were in a soft hairdo and she looked solemn and serious.

Theo and Will had taken front row seats and felt slightly sorry for Gilbert Beaumont.

Lizzy and Gilbert both shook hands with Professor Capell and went to their pulpits. Professor Capell greeted everyone welcome and explained the process. Both would make an opening argument, then the debate would take place concluding with a closing argument. Since Miss Parker was the challenger, Mr. Beaumont would begin.

“Gentlemen... and lady. Oxford University is one of the oldest universities in the world dating back to the 12th century. 700 years of preparing the greatest minds to fulfill their duties in the country. We are bound by proud traditions and each generation bridge the past with the future. But never have women been part of the academic world, nor the world of business and politics that we endeavor after our time here. A woman does not need an academic education to raise children, run a household or be a doted and faithful wife. Therefor it would be waste for women to be allowed to attend university. Because simply, what would be the point?”

“Gentlemen. Because you are gentlemen here and not cavemen? We all benefit from progress. From making fire as one of the earliest inventions to the structures that holds our bridges today. Those are inventions of the mind, a physical feature that both women and men have in common. We no longer rely on the strongest and fastest hunter to survive, but the smartest. Yet our society is still based on the premise that men are superior in every way. Heraclitus speaks of opposites as the foundation for harmony. Without high and low notes, and no animals without male and female, which are opposites. We should not rule out half the minds in the country because of gender. I have seen the great work of women in business, we should not be dismissed. Oxford University as a modern institution should be the first to acknowledge that... And I have to tell you as one who has competed against Mr. Beaumont on several occasions, that if came down to hunting for food you would be better off with me than him.”

The audience laughed.

“Miss Parker, a woman’s job is to bear, birth and bring up the next generation. Even you cannot deny that.”

“No, that is a task that demands the beforementioned harmony between men and women. In my opinion also in the upbringing as well. It is not our sole job. There are plenty of matriarchal societies in the world, often characterized by peace and prosperity. Whether you chose a matriarchy or patriarchy it is in fact a choice. I was educated on equal terms with my twin until this very moment and I lack to see why we should part ways in equality now.”

“Too much is at risk here, Miss Parker. Women would be a distraction. The thought alone...”

Lizzy interrupted him immediately.

“The thought alone, Mr. Beaumont? The thought of women in general or one woman in particular?”

Gilbert cleared his throat.

“Women in general of course.”

“Mr. Beaumont, if the thought alone is enough to distract you then surely it wouldn’t matter if we sat in the same lecture hall as you or say... on the Moon.”

Theo leaned in to Will and whispered.

“Are you still in love with my sister?”

“Now, more than ever.”

She continued.

“Would it help you if we were to wear the same uniform as you?”

Gilbert looked practically shocked.

“Wear trousers! That would very inappropriate, Miss Parker.”

She gasped exaggeratedly and held her hand to her mouth to mock a shock.

“Are you saying, Mr. Beaumont... that I am surrounded by room full of inappropriately dressed men?”

“No, don’t be absurd.... Varium et mutabile semper Femina” (Woman is ever a fickle and changeable thing)

“Fas est ab hoste doceri... really, Mr. Beaumont. Are you throwing a Latin quote at me because you ran dry of arguments? What is your next argument, arm wrestling?” (One should learn even from one's enemies)

More laughter from the room. Gilbert and Lizzy continued the debate. She cleverly returned every argument of his in a way where he either appeared a fool or a hypocrite. He made a halfhearted closing argument. Theo could see that his sister smelled blood.

“So far, my opponent has established that he is not open to progress and that men in general are easily distracted. I would argue that from that deduction, men should stay at home with the children once the birthing and nursing is done with and leave the world to women. You see, Mr. Beaumont, I have no problem concentrating and you have to admit that I am highly outnumbered... Let us entertain the idea for a while that men are superior in thought and mind as well as in strength and speed... (she looked out over the crowd)… You are not all of the same academic caliber. Some of you are at the very bottom of the intellectual food chain. Would it not be better for the sake of the country if you had female students as a black background to shine against? We pose no threat to you. Apart from being a distractive thought...”

She shot him a knowing glance and Gilbert blushed. Professor Capell stood up and motioned the audience to applause.

“I have been given the honor to judge this debate and I choose a democratic ruling though democracy is too perfect for men. One man’s ruling would only be another single opinion whereas a room full would be a statement. Vote fairly based on the debaters’ merits. Standup, if you think that our guest, Miss Parker, made the best argument...”

There was dead silence. Theo and Will didn’t want to be the first to stand up out of respect for Lizzy, she would kill them for it. Then a senior student got up and started clapping. Soon more followed until a vast majority was saluting Lizzy with applause. Gilbert Beaumont clapped as well before he admitted his defeat by offering her his hand to shake. He said in a low voice.

“I found it hard to argue that you should not be able to attend, Miss Parker.”

“I thought the point was, that you could argue against or for anything, Mr. Beaumont?”

It took a while before they were able to leave the hall. Several students wanted to express their respect to Lizzy. Outside the November sun was still shining brightly as the trio headed for Lizzy’s place to take tea.

“Excuse me, Miss Parker?”

It was Professor Capell.

“I must say you gave a very good impression of yourself today. I happen to agree with you, a modern nation is based on harmony.”

“Thank you, Mr. Capell.”

“There is one small advantage though...”

“And that is?”

“I am able to ask you for two dances at the ball tomorrow. That would have been highly inappropriate had you been my student.”

“You are right, Mr. Capell. That is a very small advantage.”

“Is that a yes, Miss Parker?”

“Ask me again tomorrow. I am after all a changeable thing...”

Gilbert had caught up with Will and watched the Capell and Lizzy converse and laughing.

“I never regarded Professor Capell a young handsome man until now.”

Will’s voice was bitter and dry. Gilbert nodded.

“We just went from may the best boy win to the best man. I feel sorry for us both, Babington.”

Lizzy arrived with Lady Susan at the ball dressed in a powder colored silk dress with exquisite dark purple embroidery on it. She looked beautiful and before long Professor Capell had requested and been granted two dances.

“You look very beautiful tonight, Miss Parker.”

“Thank you, Mr. Capell. Though I am not sure that is a compliment after yesterday’s debate. I prefer to be an asset instead of a distraction.”

“I dare say, you are both. I have never met someone quite like you.”

“There is another argument for admitting women. I appear to be a rarity; we should remedy that.”

“What are your plans, Miss Parker?”

“To see the world. Learn more.”

“Not marriage?”

“Not yet. If ever.”

“That would be a shame.”

“Why?”

“You seem to me to be the perfect combination of beauty and outspoken wit and intellect. An equal companion in every sense of the word.”

She looked into his eyes. He meant every word and it made her blush a little.

“Yes, alas I have yet to find a man that matches these qualities.”

Her voice was teasing. Before Mr. Capell could respond, Gilbert cut in.

“You were wonderful today. I should have known.”

“You should have.”

She smiled. He wanted to say so much more but she smelled so good and her eyes were so sparkling and beautiful.

Theo had opted not to dance by choice and was happy to just chat with some friends. Will however was in an unnatural brooding mood and gazed at the dance floor. Lizzy was constantly being taken to the floor by admiring students and that bloody professor. He was so caught up in his dark thoughts that he didn’t notice her until she took the glass out of his hand and sipped some wine.

“Would you care to dance with me, Will?”

He looked surprised at her.

“I thought you were fully booked.”

“Yes, but the two of us normally dance and I saved the last dances for you. Was that presumptuous of me?”

“Not at all. I would be more than happy to.”

Chapter Text

Nineteen years after the day of the birth

A month after the debate Theo and Will returned home for Christmas break and at the beginning of the Babingtons came to Sanditon for the New Year’s ball. The three young ones had been enjoying a ride in the crispy frosty weather before tea was served. Upon return they were met by Sidney who had been waiting for them.

“Lizzy, would you mind taking a walk with me?... Theo and Will, Mrs. Parker could use your assistance in the drawing room.”

Outside Sidney offered his arm to his daughter and they walked for a while blowing clouds like they had when she was a little girl.

“I’ve had two interesting visits today and I am honestly not sure what to make of them.”

She looked curiously at him.

“Two gentlemen have come to ask my permission to court and marry you. Since you have not expressed any romantic interest in anyone, I didn’t know what to say. And I have only met one of them before, a Mr. Gilbert Beaumont. The other was a Mr. Capell, he claims that he met you at Oxford.”

He could feel her freeze and breathe heavily.

“I told them both that until you told me that you had any interest, I would hold back my blessings and permission. That they needed your approval first. Is there something you would like to tell me, dear girl?”

“I love you, Papa. I’ve dreaded this day – I hate being regarded as something that can be bargained. Thank you for not indulging them. I can assure you that I have no romantic in any of them.”

“That is all I needed to know. You have the support of your mother and me. Speaking of, we better go back. She is drinking tea with your two suitors and I sent poor Will in their direction. You do know, that he is smitten by you?”

She sighed and squeezed his arm a little harder.

“Yes. He told me when we were sixteen and he has promised to be my friend until I tell him otherwise.”

“He is a good boy.”

“That he is. And a good friend”

Back at Sanditon House Theo and Will had been more than surprised to see both Professor Capell and Gilbert in Sanditon – the latter was a regular guest but only in the summertime. The tension when Sidney and Lizzy joined the party was palpable, she held on to his arm for dear life. Charlotte was at her wits end to entertain three rivals and eventually Theo had played the piano to push the hostile silence away.

“Ah, good you’re back. Lizzy, some of your acquaintances are here to see you.”

Lizzy looked pale and desperate and Will jumped to her rescue.

“Gentlemen, we can hardly drink a third cup of tea and Miss Parker looks like she could use a cup in peace. Why don’t Theo and I take you for a round at The Crown? We can give you a tour of Sanditon on the way, Mr. Capell. What say you?”

To everyone's relief the suggestion was received with enthusiasm. When Theo and Will returned a little drunk a few hours later, Lizzy rewarded his chivalrous sacrifice by taking his arm when they went to dinner.

“Thank you. I know that couldn’t have been easy on you.”

“I would do anything for you. I hope you know that.”

The assembly hall was in its very finest attire with sparkling chandeliers catching the newly done gilded details. Every guest was equally dressed up and excited, all except Lizzy and the three young men caught up in a love entanglement. Theo had had enough and asked the first the best swooning young lady to dance. Instead of calming down their interest for Lizzy the competition only seemed to spur them on and they practically faught to be the first to take her to the floor. Mr. Capell won and triumphantly led his prize to the floor.

“I am very surprised to see you here in Sanditon, Mr. Capell. Are you in dire need of the fresh sea air?”

“You know very well why I am here, Miss Parker.”

“Yes, my father told me. Apparently, I did not make myself very clear the last time we danced. I am not looking for a husband.”

“And I was not looking for a wife but then I met you.”

“You know me as little as I know you.”

“True, and I hope to remedy that during this visit.”

“I have enjoyed our talks, Mr. Capell. But I do not wish to lead you down a futile road. Please accept this.”

“I cannot say that I am not disappointed but I should have known your position and not tried to ambush like this by going to your father. Would you please accept my apology and forgive me for coming on to strong?”

“With great pleasure and relief, Mr. Capell.”

“Now, tell me why Heraclitus is your favorite philosopher...”

Gilbert and Will watched the couple dancing and clearly engaged in deep conversation. As the second dance ended Sidney cut in before Gilbert could.

“Are you alright, dear Lizzy?”

“I’m coping. I still have to turn down Mr. Beaumont.”

“Would you like me to do it? I can always have him thrown out of Sanditon.”

She laughed.

“No, I will be fine. Thank you, Papa.”

After the dance he went to get her some refreshments and Gilbert was there in an instant.

“Mr. Beaumont, before you say or do anything. I will dance with you if you ask but please refrain from acting like anything else than a friend. I am not in the mood to be wooed.”

He looked disappointed and clenched his jaw.

“Is it Professor Capell then?”

“What! No!...”

Will broke into their conversation.

“Excuse me. Miss Parker, your mother is looking for you.”

He offered her his arm and led her upstairs to a balcony where they would be out of sight.

“Will, I’m not...”

“I thought you needed to get away. I promised you I would wait until your feelings changed and I am keeping my promise. I only ask of you to tell me if my heart one day is out of the race. But right now, I am just acting as your friend and enjoying your company before you go away.”

“That is the thing, Will. There is no race. But if there were you would be it in. Thank you for this. I shall miss you when I’m in Europe with Godmother Susan.”

She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. It was just a small peck but it was there.

Chapter Text

Still nineteen years after the day of the birth

It was a cold day in the beginning of March but not a wind, Lizzy and Lady Susan were waiting to board the boat to France. Susan had insisted on taking Lizzy on a continental tour for at least six months as a compensation for not going to university. They had been planning the trip together since before Christmas and Lizzy had hardly been able to sleep for the past two weeks with excitement.

A horse arrived with neck breaking speed and a tall gentleman dismounted in an elegant jump.

“Lizzy! Miss Parker!”

Lizzy and Susan turned around.

“Will? What are you doing here?”

“I came to say goodbye. Could we...?”

He took her hand and led her gently out of sight behind Lady Susan’s carriage. He took both her hands in his and looked her shyly in the eyes.

“I couldn’t let you go without a proper goodbye. I wish you a great adventure... would it be presumptuous of me to hope that you return un-courted and unattached?”

He sent her a wry smile.

“It is as much my goal to be courted and attached as the last time we met.”

“Goodbye, Lizzy. Enjoy yourself...”

He stepped closer, cupped her face and slowly brushed his lips against hers. The touch was light as a feather at first, then he deepened the kiss nipping her lips gently. She didn’t pull away. Had his eyes always been that green? Had he always smelled of cedarwood and musk? Carefully he broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers laughing embarrassed.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came into me.”

She had no words. Her legs were wobbly. He let go of her and she felt oddly bereft.

“Come, I better take you back.”

France was wonderful. Susan introduced Lizzy to the most interesting people and showed her the buzzing life in Paris, the wine fields in Alsace and the riviera. The young Miss Parker was a popular feature wherever she went; she was as fluently witty and debating in French as she was in English. Susan was very proud of her Goddaughter. The first month flew by without Lizzy thinking much of Fitzwilliam Babington. Italy started out well enough but Susan noticed that Lizzy’s smiles grew paler and smaller. Two months into their trip they were sailing a gondola in Venice and the gondolier told the romantic tale of The Bridge of Sighs where young lovers would be blessed with eternal love and a happy marriage if they kissed under the bridge at sunset. Lizzy broke down in tears and Susan pulled her into a warm embrace.

“What is it, my dear? Has it got something to do with the young handsome Babington?”

“Oh, Susan. I have been such a fool...”

“Ah, matters of the heart. I thought as much. The question is what you want to do about it?”

It was late when Jenkins answered the door at Babington’s estate.

“Is Fitzwilliam at home, Jenkins?”

“I’ll go get him.”

Surprise was written all over Will’s face as he walked down the stairs. He had been studying, his hair was ruffled, his sleeves were rolled up – no waistcoat or cravat. He stopped at the last step.

“Jenkins, would you please have a guestroom prepared for Miss Parker?”

Will didn’t break eye contact with Lizzy as if he was afraid that it was a mirage that would disappear again if he did. The minute Jenkins had left them Lizzy dropped her bags; the first tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“You win... I love you too... if you...”

His kiss interrupted her.

“You came back...”

He was mumbling against her mouth.

“I missed you too much...”

“Does this mean you will marry me?”

She pulled back a little.

“I don’t know...”

He looked confused.

“You haven’t asked me yet.”

He smiled and pulled her back close, brushing his nose against hers.

“Darling Elizabeth Elenore Parker, will you be my companion, my lover, my wife?”

“Yes...”

“Will you see the world with me?”

“Yes...”

Jenkins coughed discretely from the top of the stairs.

“Miss Parker’s room is ready, Sir.”

“Thank you, Jenkins. We will take it from here.”

“Very good, Sir.”

Will took her bags.

“Where are your trunks?”

“On their way to Sanditon with a note.”

He laughed.

“You are quite something, Miss Parker.”

“So are you, Lord Babington.”

He opened the door her room and put the bags inside. Hesitantly he closed the door behind them and pushed her gently against the wall framing her with his arms. She could see his arm muscles twitch and his open shirt revealed a rapidly beating pulse point.

“I still can’t believe you are here.”

His voice was hoarse. She grabbed his shirt to pull him close. The first kiss was shy as if they suddenly realized what had happened between them. The second kiss was soft, long and lingering. They brushed each other’s lips, gently biting and nipping. The third kiss was passionate, Will dared taste her lips with his tongue and she instinctively parted her lips. He had never tasted anything so sweet in his life before. The noises of his parents returning from a dinner party broke the spell.

“I’ll go talk to them. You should get some rest.”

He placed one last kiss before he sneaked out the room. She undressed, refreshed herself and put on a nightgown from her bag. Half an hour later she saw a flickering light under the door, after a few minutes she quietly opened the door. Will was standing outside leaning against the frame; she took his hand and drew him in. He placed the candle on a small table by the door. She looked beautiful with her long curls cascading down her back. He could sense the contours of her body through the thin fabric of her nightgown. His lips found hers.

“I just wanted to tell you that we all go with you to Sanditon tomorrow. I shouldn’t be in here...”

His voice was low and deep.

“No, you shouldn’t...”

She pulled him closer. His hand rested on the small of back, his curious fingers stroked the top of her round buttocks, his other hand slid up her side where his thumb explored the spot where her breast swelled. Her body was so soft and warm. Their tongues danced, their lips nipped as they moaning deepened the kiss.

“Please stay...”

“I would desire nothing more but I am struggling enough as it is to be a gentleman here.”

He lifted her up as he said the words and carried her to the bed.

“Just until I sleep... please...”

“I’ll stay...”

He tucked her under the covers and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before he lay down beside her on top of the covers and pulled her close. He nuzzled his nose against her hair, taking in her scent and the sensation of her in his arms. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, he stayed awake and held her until very early morning where he gently unwrapped her from his arms and went to his own room before the house woke up.

Lizzy had come back for him.

Chapter Text

Still nineteen years after the day of the birth

“I feel cruel...”

Sidney and Babington were sitting in the study at Sanditon House, they had just finished the details of Will and Lizzy’s engagement.

“Why? You gave them your blessing.”

Sidney smiled and swirled his brandy in the tumbler.

“Charlotte and I were engaged for 14 agonizing days. It felt like 14 years. You and I have set a date in January, eight months from now. They are so in love that it’s like asking the sun not to shine.”

Babington laughed.

“True. But he will be in Oxford anyway finishing his education.”

Sidney downed his drink.

“Ah yes, absence. Another cruelty on our part.”

He grinned at his old friend.

A soft breeze combed gently through the grass straws on a small green pasture. Will was laying with his head in Lizzy’s lap, his eyes closed enjoying her finger softly drawing the contours of his face. They were enveloped in comfortable silence, happy to be in each other’s company. Theo was chaperoning somewhere else.

“When did you know?”

Lizzy’s finger stopped its course on Will’s soft and full upper lip.

“Know what?”

“That you loved me. You didn’t always.”

Will rolled over on his side, leaning on his elbow to face her. Lizzy was weighing her words.

“I have always loved you. Not romantically, but I have always loved you in one form or another. As a friend, a second twin brother, a team member – you were family, and we tend to not always think deeply or express our love for family, do we? I knew that I never wanted to be without you in my life. Something changed when you chose to be my friend and not a jealous rival when the... attention from Mr. Capell and Gilbert got... too overwhelming. I cannot tell you how much I needed that and what it meant to me. But if I have to pinpoint a moment it would be when you came to say goodbye and kissed me. That moment I knew that I not only wanted you in my life but that I wanted to spend my life with you. Every place Godmother Susan took my, every person she introduced me to. All I could think of was how much I wanted you to be next to me and experience it with me. That form of love overshadowed the rest. I’m sorry that I took so long, and if I hurt you in the process. I never intended to. I love you so very deeply and I dread the long wait and being apart from you again.”

She took a deep breath. He really was very beautiful; how could she have missed that? He pulled her down next to him and hoisted his body over her. Leaning on his arms not to crush her he slowly lowered his face and peppered small kisses over her face before nipping his way from the corner of her mouth into a full passionate kiss swirling his tongue inside her mouth. She pulled him down to feel his weight on her. He paused the kiss, they were panting. Their bodies had never been this close before and neither of them could ignore the effect the kiss had had on him.

“You didn’t hurt me... As for the wait... as long as Theo chaperones the way he does and you and I are careful not to... cross a certain line, I will happily wait eight months to be your husband.”

He leaned closer to her ear. His voice was low, dark and melodic.

“Make no mistake I long to make you my wife in every way. Just imagine how blissful our first time together will be after months of passionate kisses and stolen touches. And I do intend to kiss and touch you, Miss Parker. As gentlemanly inappropriately as possible.”

Theo was walking in the park closest by caught up in his own thoughts. It had suddenly dawned on him when Lizzy had said that everything changed now in way where they could never go back. He was interrupted by a warm soft body stumbling into his, instinctively he reached out and found himself holding... the most divine creature he had ever seen. Long wavy caramel-colored hair with a shimmer of gold to it, sparkling grey-blue eyes, golden skin and a flashing bright smile. It was like looking at the sun, his heart was pounding like a drum roll, he could feel her skin burning through the bright yellow dress. Since he was completely frozen, she practically had to extract herself from his grip. Her laugh was like summer rain.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t notice you at all. Thank you for not letting me stumble and fall – I am very clumsy. I am Miss Amelia Stringer...”

She held out her hand, he couldn’t move nor take his eyes away from her. There were so many things he wanted to say to her. Intelligent, witty and complimenting things. But no words escaped his open mouth.

“... and you are?”

He swallowed and tried to remember how to form a sentence. She was laughing so much now; tears were rolling from her eyes. He couldn’t care less that he was the object of her amusement, he would happily be so for a lifetime.

“Let me try again. I am Miss Amelia Stringer, would you be so kind as to introduce yourself, Sir?”

“... Theodore Parker. Theo... my family and friends call me Theo.”

“I think I will settle for Mr. Parker at the moment. I have heard of your family, if you are the Mr. Parker of Sanditon House?”

He nodded. No words left. The sad excuse of an introduction had taken all he had.

“My father is the architect behind several of the buildings in Sanditon. He has been commissioned to draw some more. My mother designed this very park.”

He nodded again. Now realizing he had never let go of her hand - he never wanted to let go of it ever again.

“Well, as delightful as it is to stand here and converse with you, Mr. Parker, I really must go. Perhaps we will meet again and have another substantial conversation. Good day to you.”

She pulled her hand from his and left with a smile. Her scent lingered after she had gone. Flowers, rain, oranges, vanilla, honey...

How long he stood there after she was gone, he had no idea. Somehow, he managed to ride back for Lizzy and Will and return home. They tried to strike a conversation with him during tea but if he answered to anything at all it was utter gibberish and out of context. After tea Theo sat by the piano as he often did when he tried to make sense of things. The only explanation he could think of was that he was in love. Out of the blue, struck by Cupid’s arrow in love with a woman he had met for the first time and barely had been able to speak to. His fingers were frustratingly dancing over the keys when his father entered the room.

“Are you quite alright, son? You seem somewhat befuddled.”

“When did you know that Mama was special?”

“The second I met her.”

“I’m not crazy then...”

Theo was mumbling to himself. Sidney pulled a chair by the piano, sat down and waited for his son to confide in him.

“I should think not.”

Theo gave a short laugh.

“I met someone today... or rather I stumbled into someone today. A young woman, Miss Stringer. I made a complete fool out of myself; I literally couldn’t move or form a sentence. She had to ask me twice for my name – while I was holding on to her hand.”

Sidney laughed.

“Well, then you did far better than me. I was not a fool; I was a bloody idiot - I delivered one eloquent tongue lashing after another to your mother. Silence, even dumbfounded silence would have been better. Why she chose me after the way I talked to her in the beginning is still a wonder to me.”

He got up and patted his son on the back laughing.

“I don’t know if it is a consolation or not but you get another chance this evening. Mr. and Mrs. Stringer are coming to dinner and they are bringing their daughter.”

The look of despair on his son’s face made Sidney laugh even harder.

Never had Theo put so much effort into his looks as he did that evening changing for dinner. A soft knock on his door was a welcome distraction especially since it was his sister. He gave her wry smile.

“I’m lost here, Lizzy. I couldn’t get through two minutes of polite conversation, how am I going to last through a dinner?”

“I promise, I’ll make you look good... Papa didn’t wonder how you could bump into Miss Stringer and chaperone Will and I at the same time?”

“He mentioned no such thing.”

They laughingly sent each other a knowing look – their father may well enough be saving that speculation for a rainy day.

“Ready?”

She held out her arm.

“Ready!”

Miss Stringer and her parents arrived when the twins were halfway down the stairs. Will was walking right behind them admiring the long smooth neck of his fiancée. As soon as Theo saw Miss Stringer, he stopped dead in his track causing a distracted Will to bump into Lizzy who burst out laughing followed by the two young men and soon after their parents and guest.

“Forgive us, we seem to have two left feet today.”

Lizzy shot a glance at Theo and continued amused.

“and no tongue. Come a long, boys. Let’s introduce ourselves.”

It was safe to say that Lizzy and Amelia liked each other instantly. The former had never really had a female best friend and the latter had always been a bit of an outlier in London society. They shared the same talent for witty banter and the two love-struck young men could tell they were in for a long evening.

“Miss Stringer, how very good to meet you. I believe you have already met my brother?”

“Yes, I had the pleasure of Mr. Parker’s eloquent rhetorical skills today in the park today when he most kindly helped me from stumbling clumsily to the ground.”

“He is quite the gentleman. May I suggest he escorts you to the dining room then to prevent another fall? I will take care of the other Humpty Dumpty then.”

Theo had yet to say a word and Lizzy had to poke his side slightly to make him offer Miss Stringer his arm. Her small hand burned through the sleeve of his jacket and shirt and he could swear that she gave his arm a little squeeze. He dipped his head a little and spoke in a low voice.

“Please be gentle with me. I am not as good with words as my sister.”

Amelia Stringer looked up at him. Was she blushing?

“I find your loss for words quite flattering... and endearing, Mr. Parker.”

Charlotte was on Stringer’s arm.

“Your twins have grown up beautifully, Mrs. Parker.”

“Charlotte please. You were my first and truest friend in Sanditon after all. And yes, they have. Your daughter has grown up quite a young handsome lady. She must have been no more than eleven when I last saw her in London.”

“That sounds correct. I should tell you that she went through quite a heartbreak last year. She was engaged to the son of my former partner at the firm – a handsome and charming young man. And very... should we say... generous with spreading his attention. To tell the story short, she broke off the engagement and I no longer have a business partner. For the sake of my daughter would you discretely inform your son to be kind to her and not endeavor down a path he does not wish to follow himself? He is a Parker after all.”

He sent her a reminding smile that she returned.

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I can assure you that Theo is not a gentleman to lead a anyone on. In fact, it is the first time he has ever given any young lady the time of day.”

Dinner passed very pleasantly with laughter and conversation flowing easily. At least amongst those who conversed. Theo only spoke when spoken to – sometimes repeatedly – but Amelia and Lizzy made sure that awkward silence never occurred. Charlotte and even Sidney enjoyed being in the company with James Stringer again and it was quite obvious that Amelia had her witty tongue from her mother. Esther and Babington watched their son watch his fiancée with love and admiration.

After dinner the party retired to the drawing room where Lizzy convinced Theo to play for them. She might be the one gifted with words but he played like a virtuoso.

“Play the Moonlight Sonata, Theo.”

Lizzy whispered in his ear as she gently pushed him towards the piano. He hated playing in front of people but he understood her meaning and soon he was lost in the music by the piano. When he finished there was completely silent in the room, Miss Stringer wiped away a little tear before she started clapping. Theo caught her eye and gave her a bright smile as he bowed.

It was a wonderful summer evening and the sun was still shining. Will got up and suggested that the four young ones took a stroll in the garden and showed Miss Stringer the places where the three of them had played as children.

“Well played, Lord Babington!”

His smile made her knees turn weak.

“You give me credit for being a good friend that I do not deserve. It was an act of selfishness, I wanted you if not in my arms then at least at my arm for a while.”

Theo was doing his best to be a good stroll companion.

“I hope I don’t bore you too much with my company, Miss Stringer.”

“You are many things, Mr. Parker. Boring is not one of them. Have you always played the piano?”

“Yes, since I was a little boy. Our mother wanted us to have music in our lives. I just took more liking to the instrument than Elizabeth. She prefers to be outside – and preferably get me and Lord Babington into trouble. Ah, if these trees could tell tales...”

“You are lucky. To both have a twin and a close friend like that. I grew up an only child, living in a city where I don’t feel at home despite having lived there my entire life.”

“How do you find Sanditon then?”

He looked sideways at her hoping for a positive response.

“How could one not like this town? Beautifully located by the sea. Fresh air. Everyone seems to know and care for each other. I like it very much. It’s odd, I’ve only been here a few days but already I feel more at home than in London. Is that not strange?”

His heart skipped at least a few beats.

“I believe it is what makes Sanditon special. The ability to make people feel at home.”

God, she was beautiful. Her dress brushed against his leg for every step. Her scent tickled his nostrils. Her hand felt so natural on his arm. He wondered if she could hear how fast his heart was beating. He cleared his throat.

“Would you mind if I called on you tomorrow?”

He held his breath.

“No... but could you bring Miss Parker and Lord Babington, please?”

He let go of his breath. She said yes.

“Of course.”

Chapter Text

Still nineteen years after the day of the birth

Sidney and Charlotte had taught their children to swim and Sidney had taken both of them on a daily dip since they were old enough and until they were too old for it to be proper to bring Lizzy. Theo continued the daily routine – with the unspoken understanding not in company of his father. This morning was no different and Theo had taken to the cove bright and early to excise in the waves. His head was full of one thing – or rather one person. Amelia Stringer. Lizzy and Will had happily accompanied him and Amelia on several walks and one picnic and Theo knew without a doubt that he was hopelessly and totally in love. His mother had respectfully informed him of the young Miss Stringer’s heartbreak and cautioned him to tread carefully. And Theo did his best and after a restless night he turned to the sea.

Refreshed and sort of clear-minded he emerged from the water only to stand face to face with Miss Amelia Stringer. None of them moved. Theo had frozen completely and Amelia... well Amelia was a curious young lady and enjoyed both the sight and the befuddlement of the handsome and naked Mr. Parker. How long they stood like that nobody knows but for Theo it felt like an agonizing eternity.

After a while she moved her eyes up to meet his. Amusement in her voice.

“Mr. Parker. I did not expect to see so much of you here. Will you be properly dressed for our walk later?”

Without waiting for a reply, she turned around and walked away with her head held high in a dignified pace. As soon as she was away, Theo stumbled out of the water and dressed hastily.

“Wait. Wait! Please wait, Miss Stringer!”

Theo caught up with her and grabbed her gently by the elbow.

“Please forgive me – no one ever comes to that part of the beach, especially not this early in the morning. Please, don’t think too badly of me, Miss Stringer.”

She laughed that tinkling laugh that made his legs turn wobbly and his heart race.

“There is nothing to forgive. I expect that the experience was worse on your account than mine – I was fully clothed after all.”

He laughed embarrassedly.

“Quite so. Would you mind if I walk you back? You never know what you might run into.”

“You are right. But perhaps you will allow me to...”

She tied his cravat properly and straightened his reverse.

“There, now you don’t look like I’ve seen you in an improper state.”

They walked for a while; his little finger brushed hers from time to time sending jolts through his body.

“I am not like him...”

“Like who, Mr. Parker?”

“Your ex fiancée...”

He could see her blush.

“Ah, my dear father has been giving you the talk, has he?”

She sounded angry.

“Well, not directly... but I have been informed... I didn’t mean to upset you... “

“I am not upset; I just don’t like to be pitied. This is my turn. Good day, Mr. Parker.”

It was not yet 8 o’clock and the day was already a disaster. Theo walked back to Sanditon House with a heavy heart.

“How is the water this morning, son?”

“Miserable...”

Sidney stopped.

“Tell me what happened.”

Theo threw his hands down in frustration.

“Miss Stringer saw me.”

“At the cove?”

“Yes...”

“Let me guess, you were coming out of the water naked and she was innocently looking for shells?”

“Something like that.”

Sidney burst out laughing.

“Ah, you do like to repeat history, don’t you son?”

Theo sighed resignedly. His voice was annoyed.

“What?”

“The first time your mother saw me naked was not on our wedding night but in that selfsame cove. I was of course arrogantly calm and rude but she got back at me soon enough. How did it go for you?”

“As always with Miss Stringer, I couldn’t speak or move. She spoke... with the same wit as always... before she left. I finally got out of the water, dressed and ran after her... where I put my foot in my mouth and mentioned her fiancée. I don’t know if I ever stood a chance with her – but if I did, I definitely blew it.”

“I can’t say that I am expert on women. But if I have learned something of more than twenty years of marriage with your mother, it is that you should never make assumptions. Go talk to Miss Stringer. Explain yourself. Just one word of advice. Prepare what you want to say. Your mother made me speechless more than once.”

A note arrived during breakfast. Miss Stringer had a headache and excused herself from their outing.

That night Lizzy came to her brother’s room and curled up at the foot of the bed as they had done so many times before when they had to comfort or confide in each other.

“I’ll call on Miss Stringer tomorrow.”

“Thank you but I think I ought to go myself. It is my doing after all.”

“Look at me, Theo. You are not at blame for the circumstances of Miss Stringer’s broken engagement. That arse of a man was. Your only crime was speaking clumsily and perhaps out of turn. I can relate to Miss Stringer – how it is to maneuver your feelings in a world dictated by men. I believe Mr. Stringer meant well when he asked mama to caution you... but he might as well have put her broken heart on display.”

“I know all this, Lizzy. But I have to be able to talk to her if I want this to work. And I want it to work. I love her.”

She smiled at him.

“I know you do...”

They sat in silence.

“I would never have let to marry the wrong man, Lizzy...”

“Why are we talking about me now?”

“Because I know you. You have questions.”

“Oh, and how do you know?”

“The same way you knew where to find me when my foot got stuck in the cave and I couldn’t get it free. You are my twin. We are connected.”

Theo leaned forward and took her hand.

“It was always Will.”

Tears welled in her eyes.

“How do...”

“When Will was visiting it were not you and I plus Will. It was you and Will plus me. Think about all the times you and he wandered off just the two of you because I would rather play the piano or read. You didn’t notice because you are not the romantic of us, Lizzy. Will and I are the romantic fools. I should have known that Miss Stringer would object to being treated like a fragile woman. She is in no need of a man in shining armor. But thank you for offering to bail me out but I need to do it myself otherwise I am not worthy of her.”

Chapter Text

Still nineteen years after the day of the birth

Theo’s eyes scanned the assembly hall for Miss Stringer. She had avoided all of them since that morning where he mentioned her broken engagement and for the first time, he and Lizzy had lost the shooting match and the three of them had not qualified for the final in the regatta. Every time Theo thought he saw her, he lost focus. Though being very competitive – perhaps more than her brother and fiancée - Lizzy had been very understanding and uncharacteristically silent about it.

“Are you alright, Theo?”

He returned his sister’s gaze with a short grin.

“You and I are blessed with parents who have given us the opportunity to only marry for love. Our curse is that they set the bar high when it came to love. I don’t want anything less than that. Truth be told, I don’t want anyone else than Amelia. So there.”

She gave his arm a fond squeeze.

“Then you will be happy to see that she is hiding over there behind a pillar staring at you. Go get her!”

With his heart in his throat Theo strode as quickly as possibly gentlemanly acceptable across the room only to watch his heart’s desire flee outside through one of the open doors. He stopped deflated and his brain tried to come up with a plan. But as always when Miss Amelia Stringer was near him, he froze.

“The irony of Mr. Sidney Parker’s son being in love with my daughter is not lost on me...”

James Stringer smiled at Theo’s confusion.

“...never mind that. If it is any consolation to you, she is not talking to me either. For what it’s worth you have my permission to go after her and... have a substantial conversation.”

Theo was already running. It was still bright outside and he looked desperately for a golden beauty in a golden dress. She saw him discover her and started running again.

“Wait! Wait! Miss Stringer, please stop running away from me...”

“I don’t need your pity!”

She kept running.

“Amelia, please...”

His voice was desperate plead. She stopped without turning around. He stopped too. Her hands were balled into two small fists. Her shoulders were tense. Her body was shaking from crying.

“Thank you. Please hear me out. I don’t know what it feels like to be betrayed by someone who was meant to protect, respect and love you in any way... But I do know what it feels like to have your heart so exposed it’s terrifying. I have been scared of everything since the day I bumped into you. Scared that you were only a dream and that I would never see you again. Scared that you didn’t feel the same as me. But most of all I am scared to lose you because I didn’t have the courage to tell you how I feel. God, you know I’m hopeless with words. I wasn’t pitying you that morning. I was trying to tell you that I am in love with you. That I would always protect your precious heart should you ever give it to me, because you have my heart... I can barely speak or move when I am around you – but I would happily live a lifetime without speaking or moving if it is with you... ---------------------- I reckon there’s ten steps from me to you. I am taking them one by one. If you start walking away, I will let you go and never address the matter again. But if you love me too, please stand still. Please, don’t take another step away from me...”

Theo took a deep breath and one step.

“One...”

“Two...”

“Three...”

Tears were moving silently down his cheeks. She didn’t move.

“Four...”

“Five...”

“Six...”

The closer he got the softer he spoke.

“Seven...”

“Eight...”

“Nine...”

His heart was beating so fast.

“Last chance, Amelia. If you let me take the next step, I am never letting you go again...”

The next step brought him close enough to stand right behind her, he grabbed her shoulders gently and whispered.

“Ten...”

They stood for a little while. Theo stroked her arms and brushed against her hair with his nose, her scent made his heart race.

“Please turn around, my love. Look at me.”

Slowly she turned around and met his eyes. Her cheeks were blushing, glistening with tears. Carefully he wiped them away with his thumbs.

“Amelia...”

“Yes...”

First, he brushed his nose against hers, then he brushed his lips against hers and kissed her. A soft featherlight kiss. The sensation rushed through his body.

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

Chapter Text

Twenty years after the day of the birth

The twins married in January and are now accompanying the Prince on his tour around the empire.

A heartbreaking sobbing disturbed Thomas on his usual morning stroll before work. He enjoyed the quietness before the town woke up. It had been eight years since Sidney and Charlotte had offered him the apprenticeship and he had steadily worked his way up and was now an assistant to the board and participated in every board meeting. His sisters were all in good positions as either nannies or governess and he had been able to provide retirement and a comfortable cottage for his mother. He still lived at Sanditon House when he wasn’t in London handling business affairs. All in all, life was treating Thomas very good.

Back to the sobbing. The source of the heartbreaking sound came from a young woman standing on the beach hidden behind a big boulder. The sun was rising and cast a golden glow over her. Thomas coughed to announce his presence but stopped within two arms lengths with his side to her and handed her his handkerchief. She moved a little closer and took it.

“Thank you.”

Her voice was small and trembling.

“You’re welcome. Is there something I can do for you? Walk you back to town perhaps? You really shouldn’t be out here this time of day alone.”

He spoke softly with his head turned against her. For the first time she met his eyes.

“I know. It’s just...”

Her voice broke.

“I understand. Would it help to tell a stranger? I am a very sympathetic listener.”

A small smile lit up her face. She was beautiful and very young.

“My heart aches so much I’m willing to give it a try... I lost my parents in an accident but two months ago. We were a close little family and I feel is if my heart has been ripped out of my chest and that I have lost my future. I feel lost and alone.”

Thomas weighed his words for a while.

“I am no stranger to loss. I promise you this. It will get better – not pass, but it will get better. You will be able to enjoy the beauty of a rising sun again. Your heart will return again... not the way it was but it will still beat and it will still love. Mourning is waiting. Waiting for your heart not to ache as much. Waiting for feeling a little less lost and alone by each day.”

She looked gratefully at him.

“Thank you... would you mind terribly to stay with me for a little while?”

“Not at all.”

They stood in silence and watched the sun rise and stubbornly sent its beams over the sea as if nothing bad had ever happened to the good people in Sanditon.

“I am ready to go back now.”

He offered her his arm and they started to walk back to town, in silence at first but then in pleasant conversation about nothing and everything. As they parted, they faced each other for the first time.

“If you walk again tomorrow, may I join you? I find your company very soothing.”

She blushed.

“I would be delighted but then I feel it would be more proper if we are not strangers. I am Thomas Harris.”

He held out his hand. She took it and shook it.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Harris. Miss Jane... Rose.”

“Until tomorrow, Miss Rose.”

The next weeks they met every morning for a walk along the beach. Sometimes in silence but mostly they shared their thoughts and got to know each other a little better. One morning as they parted, she asked him slightly frustrated.

“Are you married, Mr. Harris? You always seem to have to be somewhere?”

He laughed.

“No, I am not married. But I do work. Long hours. My morning stroll is my time alone – where I collect my thoughts. You can say I stretch my legs and mind here.”

“Ah, I see. I am sorry, that was not very polite of me to ask that sort of question so bluntly. Please accept my apology.”

“There is nothing to apologize for. You may ask me anything.”

She looked at him with a mischievous smile.

“Alright then. Will you be attending the autumn ball?”

“Ehm, no! Balls are really not my thing.”

“Oh...”

“Have a nice day, Miss Rose.”

“You too, Mr. Harris.”

As he walked away, he heard her whisper.

“Ti amo.”

He turned around.

“What did you say?”

Being able to converse in three different languages besides his mother tongue, Thomas knew exactly what she had whispered to him. He could feel his cheeks redden and his heart race.

“It’s Italian and translates into something like ‘see you tomorrow’.”

He smiled.

“Well, Ti amo to you too then.”

His voice was deep and sincere. He was utterly confused and happy at the same time.

Later that evening Charlotte asked him to be present at dinner the following day. Lady Susan was in town.

Thomas was just finishing some letters in the library when Lady Susan arrived the next evening.

“Thomas, how very good to see you again. I am pleased that you were able to join us. This is Lady Jane Courtland. Perhaps you remember her late parents? Anyway, since you speak Italian, I thought it would be nice for her to spent an evening where she could meet a fellow speaker.”

Jane and Thomas stared blushingly and perplex at each other. Thomas reacted first. Bowed.

“Lady Courtland. It is my pleasure to meet you. Again.”

He spoke in Italian, desperately trying to remember if Lady Susan knew any of the language.

“Likewise, Mr. Harris. We are very safe to communicate in Italian. My guardian only knows ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’. How about Mr. and Mrs. Parker? “

“French and German. No Italian.”

Charlotte had placed them next to each other at the table. And since they had been brought together to speak Italian, it was hardly impolite for them to continue. The rest of the company was pleasantly engaged in their own conversation and so Thomas and Jane could talk freely. Instinctively they kept their voices low though speaking in Italian.

“I should have told you my real name. It’s just that in Italy we were just a part of the village. I don’t like the effect it has on people when I use my title. Other than that, I have not kept anything from you. I didn’t know Lady Susan’s connection with the Parkers before she came down here from London. The ton was too crowded for me and she let me go to her apartment in Sanditon for some peace and quiet.”

Her big blue eyes sought his.

“Please forgive me.”

He smiled.

“It’s not that. Our last conversation yesterday...”

“Yes. You have my heart.”

“But...”

“Did you mean it when you said you loved me too – knowing that it didn’t mean ‘see you tomorrow’?”

He sighed.

“Yes, but...”

“But what?”

They were interrupted by Susan asking something and after that they were caught up in the English conversation.

At the evening of the autumn ball Thomas had Sanditon House to himself. He was working in the library when there was a knock on the front door. Staff had been given the night off and he went to open. Outside was Jane. Beautiful in a dove blue dress. Thomas felt more than below her station in his rolled-up shirtsleeves and muzzled hair.

“Miss Ro... Lady Courtland... Why are you not at the ball?”

She lifted her chin stubbornly and met his gaze.

“Because the only man I want to dance with is here!”

Thomas sighed. He had absolutely no idea what to do. This was improper in so many ways. He ran his fingers through the cowlick that a talented barber had managed to turn into a charming feature.

“...Jane, what is the point?”

His voice was a low plead for help.

“If nothing else, Thomas... Please give me one dance to remember.”

She took his hand and led him out into the garden where she placed his one hand on the small of her back and his other in her hand. Tears were pooling in her eyes as she placed her hand gently on his shoulder. They danced without music and without words. Thomas’s heart was pounding in his chest fighting his sensibility. Never had he been torn apart like this. Jane stopped moving and leaned her forehead against his chest.

“Why will you not have me?”

He wrapped his arms around her.

“I do. Trust me I do. But I am so much below your station. The son of a drunken smith. My life has been formed by the unlikely kindness and trust of Mr. and Mrs. Parker. I have no wealth, I’m almost twice your age. I will look like a gold digger preying on your naivety. We would be judged harshly by the world and I cannot do that to you. Besides Lady Susan would rightfully never allow you to marry a man like me. I have no place in your world, you would eventually resent me for not fitting in. For being the gossip of the town.”

“Do you really think that badly of me?”

He lifted her chin with his finger.

“Look at me. No, but this is out of yours and mine control. I love you – I have never been in love before. I love you too much to put you in harm's way. You will eventually forget about me and find someone worthy of your love. And I will remember this evening and this dance in my heart forever.”

He placed his hands on the sides of her face and wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumbs. Slowly he lowered his head and kissed her. Gently and hesitantly, just grazing her lips with his. She pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. His whole body exploded as fireworks when the tip of her tongue touched his. Carefully he broke the kiss before he completely lost control of himself.

“You should go back. Lady Susan must be wondering where you have gone.”

Next day when everybody else had left the office, Sidney called out.

“Thomas, do you have a minute?”

Thomas soon towered in the doorway.

“Of course.”

“Sit down. Drink?”

“No, I don’t drink. I have seen what it did to my dad and y...”

Sidney’s face darkened a bit.

“Ehm, yes. Good choice.”

“What can I do for you?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to know if you were alright. You haven’t been yourself lately and I have the feeling that it has got something to do with the young Lady Courtland.”

Thomas’ face fell apart. His tall body lost its normal upright composure.

“I’m in love with her.”

Sidney rubbed his stubbled chin.

“I thought as much. Does she not love you back?”

Thomas rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.

“She does. But nothing can come of it. I’m almost twice her age, I have no wealth – I can’t even claim to be the son of a gentleman. I have no place in her world. Who in their right mind would allow her to marry me? And she... she would be judged for it. I cannot do that to her.”

Sidney snorted.

“A gentleman. I have met many men claiming by fortune or title to be gentlemen but acting the very opposite. Hell, we both know well enough, that I have not always acted in a gentlemanly manner. You may not have a gentleman as a father, but you were born a gentleman, Thomas. You act like one in every sense and you have proven that you belong among gentlemen. Look what you have accomplished the past eight years!”

Thomas sent him a pale smile.

“That is good of you to say, Sir. But how would you feel if I had come and asked for Lizzy’s hand in marriage?”

There was a slight pause.

“I would be hesitant...” Sidney raised is hand to stop Thomas from talking. “...but not for the reasons you may think. I am not that much of a hypocrite. You were one of the first people to hold her when she was born. Charlotte and I have always regarded you as a sort of brother or uncle. A protector, not a suitor. I would trust you with my family and money any day, Thomas. In fact, I am trusting you with my family and money every day. You have no reason to doubt yourself on that account. You are more than equal to any man I have met. I admit it would look better, you were the one with a title and fortune. But nonetheless.”

“Thank you. It doesn’t change anything but I truly appreciate your words.”

Thomas was both relieved and disappointed every morning that passed without Jane waiting to keep him company on his walk. This morning was no different and he started walking, his head bent in pain as he watched the sun rise as mercilessly as it had the very first day, he had met her.

“Thomas!”

He turned. And swallowed. It was Lady Susan. Prepared to be scolded for his improper behavior at the evening of the ball, he bowed.

“Good morning, Lady Susan.”

She smiled the enigmatic smile he knew from enough meetings could mean the making or the breaking of a target and took his arm.

“I am in a bit of pickle here, Thomas. And I have the feeling you are the man who can help me sort things out.”

“I am at your disposal, Lady Susan.”

She sent him a wry smile.

“That is very good to know. Please, keep that in mind. I understand that my young ward is miserably in love with you. Is that your understanding as well?”

Thomas blushed to a deep red.

“That is my understanding as well, yes.”

She looked inquisitorially at him.

“And are these feelings returned?”

He was staring at his feet as they walked.

“Yes.”

“But you do not wish to pursuit these feelings because of Jane’s social status?”

Now he looked at her.

“How could I do that to her? Look at me. I’m seventeen years her senior, no fortune, no place in your circles. We may be in love but when did that ever matter?”

Lady Susan stopped.

“I am looking at you, Thomas. I have been for the past decade. First, I saw a big boy going out of his way to serve his Master and Mistress. Then I saw a young man working hard to earn the position, he had been given. Creating results – including quite a solid return on investment to me. Now I see a gentleman, well-dressed and well-behaved and well-fitted. Fluent in multiple languages, moving freely in every social circle he encounters. You may still carry the poor boy inside you and that is probably why you read people so well. I have heard no one talk about you with anything but respect and the beau monde of London is an unforgiving and snobbish crowd.”

Thomas was confused.

“What are you telling me, Lady Susan?”

She laughed

“Ah, for an exceptionally intelligent young man, you are remarkably slow right now. As Jane’s guardian I am giving you my blessing to marry her. I was given very concrete instructions by her parents regarding my guardianship.”

“Where is she now?”

Susan smiled.

“Yes, that is the thing. She left for London yesterday after confiding who broke her heart to me. You see, I am never wrong when it comes to matters of the heart, Thomas. You don’t choose who you fall in love with. If you can set aside your own reservations for not marrying her, my carriage leaves at noon. I will be more than happy to take you with me. In the meantime, read this... Oh, and by the way. If you marry, she wants to live in Italy where she is simply known as Signorina Rose.”

She handed him a letter and left. The seal was already broken, his fingers trembled as he opened it.

Dear Susan

If you read this it means that neither I nor Eliza have lived long enough to see our dear Jane come of age.

We ask this of you. Keep her safe, provide her with a home and family until she makes her own. She has no need to marry for money or a title. Eliza and I both know more than anyone what that can do one’s character. You know where our own hearts have been – and not been. Do not let her make the same mistakes or bring misery to anyone. She is a pure being. We almost lost ourselves in that game and that is why we have led a happy life in Italy away from the Ton. Our Jane should be happy. Marry out of love to someone worthy of her. He needn’t be wealthy nor with a title. If you find him trustworthy of her heart and fortune, then we give them our blessings through you.

Please take good care of our little girl.

Yours gratefully,

Lord Bryce Courtland

He was already running as he read the last words. Sidney and Charlotte were still eating breakfast when he returned to Sanditon House, happy and out of breath. Stumbling over his own words and feet, he quickly let them in on things before he strode up the stairs to pack a bag. Two hours later he was sitting next to Susan in her carriage on his way to Jane.

To say that Jane was surprised to see Thomas in Susan’s townhouse is an understatement. She scolded him in Italian for solid ten minutes before she balled her hands into two small fists and pounded him in the chest for another five – still yelling. Finally, she broke down in tears and wrapped her arms around him.

“You hurt me.”

Thomas wrapped his arms around her trembling body and nuzzled his nose in her hair.

“I’m so sorry. I only wanted to protect you.”

She raised her head, her face stained with tears.

“And what do you want now?”

He kissed her.

“You.”

It was just a small whisper against her lips before he kissed her again.

Chapter Text

Forty-three years after the wedding

As summer turned to autumn Sidney slowly got weaker. At first, he merely stayed in the house – either in the study or in the library. Often reading to Theo and Amelia’s children. Eventually he didn’t have the strength to get out of bed. His mind was as sharp as ever but his body slowly prepared itself for his last journey.

Theo wrote Lizzy and she came with Will and their children to spend the last time with their father. Charlotte spent her days next to Sidney, reading to him or talking. They both knew that they were running out of time but silently agreed to cherish it instead of mourning it.

One night in early November they lay in bed and watched the first snowflakes fall softly from the sky outside the window. Sidney took her hand.

“It’s time, my love.”

His voice was low but deep and still made her body tremble.

“I know...”

He lifted her hand to place a soft kiss on the back of her hand.

“We’ve had a good life, haven’t we?”

The first tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“Yes. A happy and good life.”

“Thank you for everything, Charlotte.”

She leaned her forehead against his.

“Thank you for everything, Sidney.”

They lay like that for a little while.

“Please don’t say the word, Charlotte...”

“What word?”

“Goodbye. Don’t say it.”

She was crying know.

“I won’t.”

“Please be happy. Take your time. Enjoy our beautiful family. I’ll be waiting for you, so don’t rush.”

She stroked his cheek.

“I love you, Sidney.”

“I love you too, Charlotte. For eternity.”

Slowly she could feel the last breaths leave his body. She sobbed quietly still laying with her forehead against his until there were no more tears in her. When morning came before the sun had cast its first beams on the sparkling new snow, she woke up Theo and Lizzy who came to say their goodbyes. They spent the rest of the day in library and shared stories of him, laughing and crying. Theo and Lizzy spent the evening writing letters to inform family and friends.

Next day Charlotte went into the study. Theo had taken over the Sanditon business long ago with the help of Amelia but Sidney and Charlotte had kept their study. She browsed through the letters. There was one from Sidney. She smiled through her tears. Of course, he had left her a letter. It carried his scent, she brought it to her lips and kissed it.

Sidney had written her more than 500 letters during their marriage and she had kept every one of them. Some were short and witty. Others were long and passionate. She sat down in the chair by the fire where Lady D had throned when she was alive, and where they had shared so many passionate moments during their long and loving marriage. And she started reading all his letters in chronological order. From his first letters rewriting their story. Every letter brought a smile on her lips, sometimes a laugh and always a tear. How she had loved him and he her.

The days were filled with playing with her grandchildren, talking with Theo and Lizzy and meeting with friends. But her evenings were filled with Sidney’s written words to her. A complete and beautiful story of his love for her.

On the first wedding anniversary without him she reached the last letter from him that she had left unopened. The final chapter.

Love of my life

You once told me that every great love must end unhappy. Only now I fully understand what you meant. It pains me that I am ending our love story the way it started – me hurting you by leaving you. Please, don’t think too badly of me.

I will never understand what I did to deserve your love, my sweet beautiful and brilliant Charlotte. Your love has saved me and my heart more than once. I hope that you never doubted how deeply I loved you – more for every day.

I remember our first kiss as if it were yesterday. The first time we made love. After all this time you can still undo me by biting your lip.

Our children. Theo and Lizzy. They are the greatest and most wonderful gift you could ever give me – not a day has passed where I haven’t been proud of them. The wonderful people they have become. You are a wonderful mother and you made me a wonderful father. You made me feel that I could do anything as long as you were by my side. My best self. My truest self.

We created our own world, didn’t we, my love? A world full of love and passion. Oh, the passion. In arguments. In our business. In bed. Life with you was always an adventure. I loved seeing the world through your eyes.

I wish you every happiness and a long life after me. Would it be selfish and presumptuous of me to hope that you will not marry again? You still turn heads, my dear. And rightfully so, you are still as beautiful today as the first time I laid eyes on you.

(Charlotte laughed at this)

I will be waiting for you. For an eternity of endless and weightless love. I love you, Charlotte. So very much.

Yours forever,

Sidney

As she read the last lines, Sidney through all ages held out his hand for her. She took it and followed him. Theo and Lizzy found her like this the next morning, they were happy that their mother had stayed on for so long before her heart burst open. After the funeral they sat down with Will and Amelia and read every letter from their parents to each other. Laughing and crying – sometimes blushing at the intimate details. When they had finished, they carefully put the letters back into the beautiful boxes, Sidney had given Charlotte to keep the letters safe. The testimony of an extraordinary love.

The End ❤