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Clarkes aching feet pounded like her heart on the stainless tiled floor of The lab. The image of bellamys cold and ruthless eyes flashed in a horrible pattern in her shattered mind as she ran. She’d find the others, re group and together they’d find away to bring bellamy back to the person they know…..and love.
Faintly she could hear harsh footsteps falling into pace behind her. Bellamy was catching up. She forced herself not to stop and turn around, to not make yet another attempt at maybe, possibly making him remember her. Who she was to him. What was she to him anymore? Her head tries to catch up to her heart, so many gaps have formed in their relationship and so few times for them to stop and figure out how to mend them. Now look whats happened, she’s finally came to save him, like he had not to long ago when Josephine was eating away at her mind. He hadn’t given up and neither could she. She owed him. What? A promise? That he deserved to be saved just like she had, that no matter what these people had done to him, he was still bellamy blake and she was still his Clarke griffin.
She reached a corner, then another, this place was a puzzle that couldn’t be solved and she was running out of time. Bellamys breath became heavier, as did her own as her limbs became tired. As her eyes spotted a closed door at the end of the hallway to her left she figured if she sped up, she could make a left, hide in the room and he’d think she’d continued forward. Arguably not the best plan but with her heart growing weaker and her lungs closing it was her only choice.
…….
Clumsily, Clarke flung herself into the unknown room and darted towards the metallic, sturdy looking desk in the corner. The desk had a back to it that would provide Clarke with enough cover should bellamy enter, but it wouldn’t take a genius to find her. Her quivering hands forcibly ripped the radio from her belt as her eyes helplessly stayed strained on the door, praying that raven was ready to respond on the other side. Unfortunately the radio appeared unresponsive. Damn radios, never working when she needed them too.
All of a sudden, bellamys harsh voice ringed out,
“You really think you can hide from me……Princess!?”
The nickname hurt her in ways she couldn’t quite understand. Never before had he said it with so much anger and distaste, even when he did hate her. Yet another reminder that the bellamy that had surly reached the crossroad and was looking ruthlessly for her wasn’t the bellamy she knew and……cared for.
Too entranced by her own thoughts, she froze when she heard the door to the room she’s in open. Of course, even when it wasn’t the real bellamy. He could still find her without much thought, if she hadn’t been terrified, she’d have thought more about how well versed they were with one another’s actions. But she was in fact terrified.
The heavy metel of the gun she was carrying reminded her of another choice she may soon have to make, would she kill bellamy? Take the gun and fire it at him as he entered the room, walk away unscaved with nothing but another corpse of someone she loved in her wake. No, there were many lines Clarke griffin had crossed, but killing bellamy, whether he be him or not, was a line Clarke wouldn’t cross even if her life was dependant on it. Funnily enough, her life was depending on that right now.
So she did the only other choice she could think of, readied herself with a plan to get as close to him as possible and knock him out. She’d think about how she was gonna carry him and herself out later, right now she could only have one plan.
The heavy breathing grew closer and without a second more of thought, Clarke raised from behind the desk with her hands held above her head in an act of surrender. She wasn’t quite sure whether bellamys orders where to capture her or kill her but considering the look in his eyes as she rose and he caught glimpse of her, she didn’t want to wait and find out.
He was clean shaven and though his eyes lacked the emotion she had come to expect of him, he still looked scarily similar to the bellamy she had first come to earth with all those years ago and she wanted nothing more than to be able to wrap her arms around him again and let go of all the pain of being without him for days. The shadows under his eyes though suggested that for him its been much longer, maybe he doesn’t look that much older but a part of her knows that he’s been here for years, was he waiting for her? At first maybe, but she guessed that the same people who had split her from her friends shortly after she was thrust into the anomaly weren’t exactly merciful and she assumed that hope, hope that she’d come for him, was severely beaten away. Or maybe there was something else going on. Honestly she didn’t have time to dwell on the past years of his life, he was here now , dressed far to cleanly and with a look far to unrecognisable for her mind to wander off. She had to bring him back.
As he stepped forward, she smoothly raised her gun to point at his chest. She hadn’t planned on it but she needed him to listen and he needed to believe that if he didn’t, he’d soon find himself dead.
His left eyebrow raised as his deep brown eyes scrutinised her, as if he could stare right through her, see her intentions and found great humour in her futile attempts. She lifted her chin and impersonated the same Clarke that had managed to stop soldiers ready for war many times before.
“Bellamy, I need you to listen ok? My name is Clarke griffin, I came down to earth with you and 99 others, you stowed away on our ship to protect your sister, Octavia blake.”
Still with his narrowed eyes and persistent stare, she decided to go for a more abrupt approach.
“For gods sake bellamy! This isn’t you, some part of you must know that, I know who you are, its been 135 years and I STILL know who you are. I know the bellamy that would give his life for his people!”
She became more desperate with each word, soon reinforcements would arrive and they’d be ripped apart yet again, she’d be killed and he’d live the rest of his sad pathetic life as someone else.
“I have seen you bellamy, I have seen you at your worst, crying, ashamed, TERRORIFIED! And never once have I turned away and I’m not going to now, not after everything you and I have given to still be breathing. You told me once that as long as we’re still breathing there’s hope so I still have goddamn hope that you’re in there. And if you’re not…..”
A sharp intake of breath, interrupted her.
“And there she goes again, Clarke griffin thinking she knows everything, you think I don’t remember your name? You think you haven’t troubled my sleep these past 8 years? Oh I remember you alright.” Bellamy growled as if the words somehow had been living on replay in his mind for centuries and he finally could say them.
Clarke made no attempt to hide her shock at bellamys blatant interruption, He seemed as if he was barley holding himself back. If he really remembered parts of her, even if they were bad, it gave her something to grasp onto. Slowly her eyes re grasped his and the dark depts swallowed her yet again. Before a word could leave her mouth he stepped closer without hesitation and slowly tilted his head downwards so their height was more evenly matched. The hand that held her gun slowly became weaker but she willed herself not to break.
“I realised long ago that we’re all just pawns in your desperate attempts to make yourself feel better over the lives you’ve taken. One by one we all fall down around you wanheda, congratulations, you want to save me and instantly feel redeemed for leaving me TIME AND TIME AGAIN!. You’ve left me with NOTHING CLARKE GRIFFIN. And when you die, that’s what you’ll be, nothing. You want to save me? There’s nothing to save princess, you’re too damn late.”
His voice rose and his breath became heavy, the anger he had clearly kept contained burst through the surface, each word struck Clarke like never before. 8 years, He HAD waited. She HAD failed. Her glossy eyes filled with tears, so much so, she didn’t notice him step right up against her gun, the barrel dangerously pushing at his hardened chest.
“Pull the trigger”
More tears, this was all too familiar.
“No.”
An empty laugh fell from his lips as his cool composure returned and the humours look felt even more tormenting.
“Common Clarke, take the easy way out, let me and your demons die together.”
The tears where unbearable now, like thick clouds shielding her vision from the happiness she’d once felt. That happiness didn’t exist without bellamy, that of which she knew was true. If he died, her demons wouldn’t go with him, it’d be the last shred of life she felt inside of her, the last bit of hope.
They where still breathing. So there’s still hope.
As he lips parted to begin her attempts, once again she was interrupted.
“Shame, thought you had more courage than that, well, it was fun whilst it lasted.”
Her left hand suddenly felt lighter as her gun as grasped viciously from her hand and pointed directly at her head. Breathing became increasingly difficult as she forced her eyes to cling to bellamys. This was it, she was no longer in control. Too many times she had been faced with the barrel of a gun, too many times had she cheated death. Maybe this will be the last.
“Do you remember that day trip?” The words left her mouth before she could process the angle she was pulling. The words continued to fall
“I was just thinking, you said you remembered me, do you remember that day? I told you I needed you bellamy, for the first time I had told someone else I needed them, and I meant it. More than I think you realise. You say that I’m nothing. Fine, Im nothing, but you bellamy blake arnt. You fight for the ones you love and goddamnit you fight hard, you saved my life that day and ever day after that without even realising it because you spend so much of your life blaming youself and taking responsibility for others actons. Sure you’ve done bad things but bellamy blake you are not nothing.
Her eyes drifted up to see bellamys eyebrows slowly nit together. Was she getting somewhere or were her still falling tears blinding her? Never the less, she saw something and she still had more to say.
“You wanna pull the trigger? Pull the trigger bellamy but know that there is nothing you could say or do that would ever make me want to kill you because there is no happily ever after in my story without you in it.”
She could see his walls begin to break, now it felt as if it was her staring into his soul and maybe somewhere in the was the person she…… the person she LOVED. Her own realisation struck her enough to not notice bellamy fighting back the tears and harshly forcing the gun harder againt her temple. It was now or never.
She took out her radio.
“I called you every day for 6 years, I never gave up hope that’d you’d come back to me. I called you because I needed you.”
Bellamy stared down at her, tears threatening to fall.
“Its not good enough Clarke, not anymore”
She wasn’t finished.
“I called you because I knew you’d answer.”
“I called you because I wanted you”
“I called you because some days it felt like I couldn’t breath.”
The guns pushed closer.
“NOT. GOOD. ENOUGH!”
Silence. There was nothing else for Clarke to say but the utmost truth.
“I called you because I was in love with you. And it was too late.”
The air felt thicker somehow, as if someone had dropped something heavy onto clarkes chest and she found it hard to breath. Despite everything, her pale blue eyes stayed glued on bellamys. The gun was still sharply pressed against her temple but she payed no mind it it, having just admitting something she’d long buried.
Bellamys eyes grew more familiar and the tears began to fall shamelessly. Had they really fallen this far? She would see bellamy crumble again, but this time she’s stick around.
Her last words seemed to hit them both. Too late. She couldn’t fool herself into thinking he felt the same, she’d done it for 6 years and it hurt her too much when he had returned, clearly having thought she was dead and moved on. It seems their story is one big “what if?”
Having not been paying attention to anything but bellamys softened stare, The careless clatter of Clarkes handgun left a insistent ringing in her ear. And the world began feel a whole lot louder.
“It’s not too late” Barely a whisper but Clarke still heard it and the gravity that carried with it. Not too late. Bellamys calm voice broke down her barriers as she finally realised he was back. Her bellamy was back. It wasn’t too late, for him, for her, for them. They closed the gap between them, bellamys fingers lacing effortlessly through clarkes dishevelled hair and clarkes still shaky palms raising to rest perfectly on bellamys cheeks. Their foreheads touched as they both let out a shaky sigh, the corners of Clarke mouth turned upwards.
“I love you too princess.” and this time the nickname made her smile.