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Chapter Text

June 23, 1921

Hanno immediately offered to treat the newcomers' injuries as soon as Agnes told him to make the guest room, and his sister was more than happy to avoid more responsibility. Of course, Hanno already knew who the stranger was thanks to insight from his future self, and he tidied up the room and fetched the medicine kit from Erna who was delighted at his generosity.

When he knocked lightly on the door and entered however, he was surprised at the sight that greeted him. Jonas was sound asleep… and looked so young. He was his age, and even in his sleep he appeared pained. Hanno attempted to wake him in vain, and gently peeled back the covers and stripped the other boy of his clothes- a long sleeved dark colored shirt that had seen better days, and light brown pants that had a big blood stain on the left leg. Hanno didn’t want to cause Jonas any more pain- surely even this early on he had gone through enough, judging by his wounds and his fitful sleeping, and eventually decided to cut off his shirt instead of risking further injury to his neck.

He left the boy in his boxers while he attended to his injuries, taking care to apply dressing and gauze as delicately as he could manage. At one point he noticed that Jonas had opened his eyes- incredibly blue, and so beyond sadness and despair that it made Hanno’s heart ache- and promptly lost consciousness again. As Hanno treated Jonas’s neck he couldn’t help but wonder if had tried to kill himself and failed or if the hanging he’d survived was from an assassination attempt.

Hanno sat on the bed beside him for a while, eventually deciding to put a shirt on him (one of his own of course) and made sure to unbutton it all the way before he maneuvered the clothing on to the sleeping boy and then button it up once it was on. He placed pants and suspenders on the desk by the window for when he woke up- which were also his- but found a strange feeling in his chest when he went to leave. Jonas tosses again in his sleep, and Hanno sighs to himself and sits on the floor across from him.

When his adult self had told him about Adam, and his younger self Jonas, Hanno had found himself envisioning Jesus, daydreaming about the day he’d finally get to meet the savior in the flesh. Noah had even said that they’d get to be friends before this cycle was over. But the guy who was muttering quite unintelligibly to himself through whatever dream he was in was just a boy who had clearly been through a lot. He didn’t look how he imagined, didn’t look like the Jesus referenced in the Bible at all- he looked more like himself than that.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t feel comfortable leaving. He didn’t look like a powerful man, he was a teenager in anguish who was living a nightmare. Hanno holds the rags that are now smeared with Jonas’s blood and the sight brings him back to the painful reality of two days ago when he had to shove down his morals and kill someone on Adam’s orders. He had cried a lot since then, had hardly slept after being kept awake by his inner voice ranting about how wrong it was despite Noah and Adam’s praise. Jonas seems to have no resemblance to Adam at all. He doesn’t even know him, but his inner voice nags at him that Jonas would never ask him to do such a thing. Hanno feels a sort of peace in his presence and finally falls asleep on the floor listening to his deep breathing and still manages to wake up before Jonas.

June 24, 1921

He takes Jonas’s clothes to his room, folding them in a pile he leaves on his bed. He changes his clothes and unbuttons his shirt all the way and pokes his head next door where Jonas is mumbling in his sleep again.

He makes himself some oatmeal and engages in polite conversation with Erna and returns the medicine kit before going back to the guest room Jonas has been sleeping in.

He’s been excavating the Winden caves and has some muscle from his efforts thus far. He tells himself that he is only rolling up his sleeves because it’s toasty and not because he’s trying to impress the savior who happens to be his age and notably handsome.

He sits quietly on the wood floor again and wonders if his older self remembers what he is feeling right now, if he lies to himself about what he feels in this moment. Hanno just wants something to himself that can’t be taken away or lost- but even his whole past and near future is for Noah to know and remember. He supposes that he’ll just have to take comfort in the fact that he can savor this time with Jonas, and that for Noah it’s only a memory from a couple decades in the past.

Noah is loyal to Adam, but right now all Hanno wants is to be loyal to Jonas who clearly could use all the help he could get. But this isn’t the first time he’s doubted Noah’s faith- and by extension, his own. He doesn’t trust Adam, and even though Noah does he can’t help wonder how working with Jonas to stop the apocalypse is wrong. Noah won’t give him a straight answer about it, and it makes him profoundly uneasy that he’s literally lying to himself.

Jonas moans in his sleep and tosses some more. When he whimpers a few minutes later, Hanno wonders if he should wake him but decides he should let him sleep as long as he can manage. He gets out his knife just as the boy wakes.

Jonas Kahnwald launches upright in bed from a nightmare, gasping, his fingers feeling along his covered throat. He looks around the wooden bed frame above his head, his surroundings all foreign to him, and the throbbing in his leg makes him throw the cotton comforter to the side. His leg is bandaged too. He could have sworn he remembered beautiful blue eyes and a scratched face, gentle hands undressing him, warm fingers applying gauze to his injuries.

It was all starting to come back to him. The hanging, an adult Elisabeth sparring him, traveling through the wormhole, hiding the hazmat suit in the field. And… being in 1921, being asked about the war he wasn’t in, and being generously given refuge and food.

After all of this was over he may as well check himself back into the nuthouse permanently. He wondered what Peter would think when he found out his most frequent patient was shot and hung by his daughter. Assuming of course that there was a Winden left to get back to.

He had to get home. He didn’t have much time.

He throws his legs over the side of the bed when a voice speaks.

“You slept for almost 24 hours”.

A teen his own age leans against the wall from a few feet away, a boy with dark blue eyes, a cut on his cheek, and a switchblade in his hands. He wears a dark gray unbuttoned shirt that’s rolled up at the elbows, black pants, and his suspenders hang loosely around his thighs. His eyes… look familiar in a way that Jonas can’t explain but is also sure he hasn’t seen before.

“Who are you?” Jonas implores, still breathing heavily. The boy is using the knife to pry the dirt out from under his fingernails.

“Everyone says that Erna can’t turn away a stray dog” he glances at him then, his gaze intense. Jonas isn’t sure if he’s speaking about himself and admitting he also is here seeking refuge or if he’s referring to Jonas being here. Hanno is cryptically referring to both.

“I’m not right here. This isn't right here”.

Jonas isn’t sure why he confesses this to a guy who has probably been watching him sleep. There is something in him, something he can’t place, that makes him long to trust him. Maybe it’s the intense sadness, the pit of despair drilling into his heart, the loneliness of the knowledge he now has to carry that makes him want to confide.

The boy thinks a moment, hums to himself, swallows. “I pictured you differently”. Jonas stops breathing for a moment as his blood turns cold, his eyes look even more concerned as they watch the teen move toward the door.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Why did you say that?” his voice pleading to Hanno who now has his hand on the doorknob but couldn’t help but look at him again with that intense gaze. He takes him in, as if trying to memorize this moment, before he blinks, a smirk of a smile ghosting across his lips as he glances away and leaves without another word, the door closing quietly in the aftermath of his wake.

Jonas tries to think over the pounding of his heart against his rib cage. He has to get home, he has to save his mother, Martha, the whole town. How many days does he have left now? If he truly had slept 24 hours how much time remained until everyone he loved would really die?

He spots a familiar photo on the wall where the boy had been leaning against and limps over to make sure it really is what he thinks it is. Sure enough, toward the middle of the emerald tablet and above the triquetra was that same loaded phrase: sic mundus creatus est.

He knew there was something wrong about this town, and the guy who had bandaged him knew who he was- and probably knew more than he did. What role did he play in all of this? Was he an ally or an adversary?

He grabbed the clothes on the desk the boy had left him realizing belatedly that his shirt had been changed while he was unconscious. He tried not to think about how the other boy had stripped him down to his boxers to tend to his injuries. He also attempted to ignore how the clothes smelled like sweat and pine just as the stranger had as he quickly pulled the pants and suspenders on before snatching a lantern on his way out of the door.

Hanno puts on a coat, his hand hovering on the hanger next to the empty one he replaces, wondering if he should bring a coat for Jonas. He doesn't really need two coats- he could spare one for the savior if he was cold. Jonas was also probably limping to the caves and was probably sweating from the effort- would a coat be too hot? The extra weight probably wouldn't help his leg, so Hanno dismisses the idea, grabs an apple on the way out the door and starts the trek to the caves.

He makes it to Winden Caves in good time and sits on the large moss covered rock outside the cave mouth. He tries not to think about how panicked Jonas is going to be when he finds out the portal doesn’t work yet. He wipes off his switchblade on his trousers and slices off a bit of apple, chewing thoughtfully as the birds above him sing the last songs of the day. After a bit he thinks he hears something echoing from the cave, something that sounds like faint banging, followed soon after by screams. Hanno’s heart doesn't twist in his chest at the horrible sound and unwanted tears don’t wet his eyes as the sound continues.

The sun has almost fully retreated by the time Jonas exits, and the look on his face hurts him. He has a solution for Jonas to return, he knows, but he wishes he had a solution for all his problems. He wonders how long it has been since either of them have smiled.

Jonas is the only person in his life who understands how it feels to be thrown into a war to control time where an older version of yourself is another player who isn’t straightford with what has to come next. It’s a very specific commonality, and right now they could almost appear to be equals, two sides of the same coin of war. But Hanno was just a bishop on the chessboard and Jonas would always be the king.

Maybe Hanno is just incredibly lonely, maybe that's why he feels so inexplicably drawn to the other boy. Maybe he just wants a friend who truly understands. He watches Jonas in the settling darkness, and even in immeasurable sadness he was profoundly beautiful in a tragic way.

Jonas stumbles wearily out of the unyielding Winden caves, so far beyond defeat, beyond hope, beyond despair that he doesn’t even realize its past sunset.

Everyone will die. He has failed everyone- his mother, Martha, Bartosz, Magnus, all the people he grew up with and their families. As if the loss of his father wasn’t enough on his conscience. How was he supposed to succeed? Was there a way to fix this or was it his destiny all along to fail, his fate to struggle uselessly under unbeatable odds?

“It's not open yet” Hanno states, and Jonas startles, blue eyes meeting him in the settling darkness. Hanno uses his knife to slice a last piece of apple, chews, and tosses the apple away as he stands up. Jonas happens to think that he’s a bit dramatic, and the large dark coat he wears makes him notice the chill that has fallen with the retreat of the sun.

“It’ll be another 32 years before it opens,” Hanno declares, approaching him.

“So you know about this?” Jonas implores, and Hanno stops a couple feet away from him. He debates telling him that he spends his days excavating these same caves, that he has spent years already intertwining his future with Jonas’, and that he spends his whole life serving him in one way or another. That just two days ago, he lost his innocence and a part of himself to murder someone he knew for the sake of the man he apparently becomes. But that truth feels too heavy on his tongue, and even more substantial on his heart, so he says instead: “they’re waiting for you”.

“Who’s waiting for me?” Jonas asks, glancing around the empty woods.

“Sic Mundus. You want to get home don’t you? That’s what they say, anyway.”

“Who are they?”

Hanno closes the distance between them, leaning toward him, and whispers mere inches from his ear: “the travelers”.

Hanno sees Jonas swallow and his eyes steal a glance at Jonas’s lips. He looks good in Hanno’s clothes, and if things had been different Jonas could have stayed in the room right next to his, they could have pursued their futures together. But Jonas had another mission, and it wasn’t going to include Hanno. He spins around and heads toward the church, closing his switchblade in his hand. When he doesn't hear footsteps following him he glances back to catch Jonas’s eyes until the boy follows him.

The two young men walk side by side, the mysterious stranger taking care to walk slowly to keep pace with Jonas who is limping with his injured leg. The scent of sweat and pine is oddly comforting to Jonas, and the boy stays close enough to him that the smell envelops him. Jonas thinks that his scent should be a cologne, and wonders if cologne has been invented yet in this creepy past he was currently trapped in.

Hanno attempts to only have his eyes straight ahead. The feeling in his chest toward Jonas makes him feel as if he's betraying Noah and Adam in some way. Hanno wonders if his blind desire to protect and serve alongside Jonas follows him in his adulthood and turns into Noah blindly serving Adam who wants the opposite of what Jonas is fighting for. Adam looks nothing like Jonas, appears nothing like the fit and attractive teen beside him- but Noah says they are one in the same. Noah has probably lied to him before, and surely remembers how strongly he feels for Jonas now. It wouldn’t be beyond his older self to mislead him about Adam’s true identity.

The only sound is Jonas’s labored breathing, the snapping of twigs and pine needles and the crunching of leaves. After a while, Hanno hears a thunk and sees Jonas’s face twist in pain as he gasps out. His bad leg has hit a large rock protruding from the forest floor. Hanno wraps a hand around his waist and lays Jonas’s arm across his shoulder to support his weight. He steals a meaningful glance at Jonas and they continue on, Jonas’s breathing easing a bit with the assistance.

After what feels like an infinity it becomes evident that the creepy church in the middle of an empty field is their destination, and another infinity later they reach the door. Hanno removes his hand from Jonas’s waist, and Jonas’s hand falls from Hanno’s shoulder as they approach the entrance. Hanno doesn't want anyone to see him like this with the man who is supposed to be his adversary. Jonas makes no comment and about the gesture or the way Hanno has stiffened before he steps into the church. Jonas takes a look behind him before following him inside.

The young man leads Jonas in, stopping a few pews from the front as Jonas walks past him and turns to face him.

“Why did you bring me here?” Hanno just looks at him, looks down, swallows.

Jonas continues, “you’re one of them. A traveler.”

“Not yet”, the teen admits, “but soon I will be”.

A creak behind him makes Jonas turn around as Noah enters the room, his outfit the same as last time, his expression just as cold. Jonas stiffens as he faces him, his back facing the young man that led him there in a way that is almost protective. Noah strolls up to him with an air that seems nearly predatory.

“It must feel strange to see me here as well. Especially after our last encounter.”

The priest is casually referring to when he kidnapped Jonas at the Winden hospital in 1986 when he was trying to save his father at the cost of his own existence. Jonas glares at him but says nothing.

The priest glances behind him at the young man, “but I see you’ve already made my acquaintance”.

Jonas turns to look at young Noah- Hanno- as well, feeling oddly betrayed by the stranger. Noah gets even closer- what is up with him not respecting personal space?- and murmurs “you will get answers in time”. Noah leads his young self and Jonas to the door he came from, exposing an elevator he gestures Jonas to get into. The three ride down into a cave and Noah sends Jonas to talk to Adam. Jonas can’t help but turn around to look at Hanno before he departs.

Hanno crosses the room and inspects a photo on the wall and Noah stands silently by the fireplace.

“The prophecy,” Hanno begins, “how did it arise?”

Noah inspects the lost pages and closes the triquetra notebook without response.

“The book,” Hanno continues, “who wrote it?”

Noah finally turns to face himself.

“Whoever it was who wrote it had already seen the past and future”

Hanno takes a few steps toward him, looks at him intently as he asks the question that he wants the answer to the most.

“What will happen to him next?”

Noah meets his intense gaze and swallows. There is no need to clarify who he is referring to. “Adam will send him on his way, the path that’s been determined”, he turns back around to look into the flames. “So the last cycle may begin”

Hanno doesn’t like how somber Noah’s voice is, and prays silently for Jonas’s sake.

June 25, 1921

Jonas wakes up after meeting his old self and finds that Adam has been watching him sleep from the recliner. It didn’t seem as sinister when it was young Noah rather than himself. Adam seems to sense his thoughts.

“Isn’t it peculiar that we feel the most repulsion for the very people who are most similar to ourselves?”

Jonas isn’t in the mood for this shit.

“I just want to know how to get home”.

Adam looks down at himself in a manner almost resigned, then stands and makes his way to the door. “Get dressed” he orders as he leaves. Jonas spots his signature yellow raincoat, clothes, and white converse on the bench across from him. He doesn’t think about how comfortable young Noah’s clothes are or how much he's come to appreciate the smell of the other boy over the past day as he changes into clothes from his own time.

Jonas wonders if Hanno knows what's going to happen to him next, or if they’re both just pawns until they’re older.

June 27, 2020

Stranger Jonas is sitting at the kitchen table when he hears the front door creak and footsteps on the carpet. His hand grabs the gun his mom left on the table, leaping to his feet as Noah- young Noah- appears around the corner.

“Noah” he says softly, lowering the weapon in surprise.

“You look different now,” Noah remarks, taking in the sight of the older man, “I mean, since last time”.

Jonas has always had a soft spot for young Noah, but reminds himself who he works for and raises the gun again. “He sent you, didn’t he? Adam?”

“I’ve always wondered when you turn into him,” Noah admits.

“I won’t. I will never do the things he did”

“He said you’d say that kind of thing” Noah says as he steps closer. “He also said we’d be friends. Before I’m betrayed”.

Noah appears more vulnerable than Jonas has ever seen him, and he hates it. Why would any version of him betray him?

“Why do you follow him?” He demands the teen incredulously, tears of frustration springing into his eyes against his will.

“What made you follow her? Claudia? We both want to believe. We fasten ourselves to the salvation that’s promised.”

Noah closes the distance between them despite the gun still in Jonas’ hand, the cold metal now touching his chest. Sweat and pine fill Jonas’ nostrils, the same smell he remembered from when he first met young Noah and he tries to ignore the way his own heart aches in his chest. Was this young Noah’s first travel? Was it really just a couple days ago that young Jonas and young Noah had met in 1921? Young Noah looks just as Jonas remembered him.

“If you kill him, you kill all hope of salvation.” The gun is directly pointing at Noah's heart, and Noah places his hand over Jonas’, his thumb resting on the cold metal. His hand is warm and calloused, his eyes worried and caring. Jonas wishes young Noah wouldn’t look at him like he is the moon and the stars while simultaneously working against him.

“He is the savior” Noah declares gently, and slowly lowers the gun away from himself. “You’ll be the savior.” Noah hopes Jonas can see the apology in his eyes.

Jonas still has tears in his eyes as he watches Noah take a letter out of his jacket.

“What is this?

“Read it. It’s from Martha.”

Jonas lets out a shaky breath before tucking the gun into the waistband of his jeans and taking the note. He reads it, his breath becoming more audible and Noah studies his expression with concern. All Noah wants to is help Jonas, and he hates misleading him this way.

“This can’t be real” Jonas murmurs, trying to find the truth in Noah’s face.

“You must save her. Bartosz, Magnus, and Franziska. And later, me and Agnes. This circuit has to be finished for the next cycle to begin. Just as the prophecy foretells. And so that Martha can live.”

“No, this isn’t right. Martha…” Jonas folds the letter, grabs his briefcase, and walks past Noah who keeps his hands folded and gaze down as he leaves. Noah doesn’t even try to push down the overwhelming guilt that washes over him. It had to be done, but that doesn’t keep him from feeling sick.

Noah has never been in the Kahnwald house before, and now that it’s empty he can't help but wonder what Jonas’ room looks like. He makes his way up the stairs and finds it without hassle, taking the liberty of sitting on his bed while the guilt gnaws at his heart.

What had his older self said before he left? There was something he needed to know, but if he knew he wouldn't be able to do this. Was he talking about Adam betraying him or something else? Did that mean he shouldn't have given Jonas the letter? Was something going to happen to him? He couldn't deny that he cared for him- was that what this was about? His older self aligned himself with Adam, which he now knew was a mistake and he wanted nothing more than to align himself with Jonas.

He lays down, a palm behind his head as he stares up at the same ceiling Jonas has all his life. He knows that his father killed himself in his studio, that his mother has been in love with his grandfather for decades and that they had an affair following his father's death. Jonas’s life pre- time travel sounded pretty lonely and isolating in itself. Noah can’t help wonder how he’s holding up. Not well, if carrying a gun around to point at everyone is any indication.

Noah spots the alarm clock on the bedside table and the pill bottle beside it, of what he assumes are meds for anxiety or PTSD. He ponders how Jonas has been coping all of this time without it.

He should probably start making his way to the bunker. He ponders leaving a note for young Jonas who should be returning soon, but he can’t think of what to say. He studies the landscape pictures around the room and the books on the shelves- both classics and modern novels alike. Noah has always imagined him as an honors student. He sees a school playbill for Ariadne on top of a pile of books, and he decides to leave a note after all. He takes a sticky note and hesitates for awhile, then scrawls out:

‘I’m sorry. There is no future for us, or our happiness’.

He puts the note on top of the playbill and puts it back where he found it, and leaves for the bunker with a sinking feeling in his chest that something terrible was going to happen to Jonas in his absence. Everything would happen as it always has, and Noah knows that the cycle can’t be broken, but that doesn’t stop him from praying to the God he doesn’t believe in for a miracle.

Chapter Text

“The mystery of time intersects with the mystery of our personal identity, with the mystery of consciousness” - Carlo Rovelli, world renowned theoretical physicist

2023

Jonas is done. He is so far beyond defeat that the idea of hope sounds too naive to entertain. He has tried, and he is tired of it all. He can’t fix this, he knows that now. He was never going to be able to make this right. 

He stumbles along to his dark and dusty home, fatigued but finding some solace in knowing he didn’t have to wake up and try to fight again tomorrow. Not only himself, or Sic Mundus or Erit Lux but fate and destiny and time itself. Jonas takes a last look at the family photo in the kitchen, all smiles and ignorance of an easier time. He hasn’t seen his mother in a long time, but he hopes wherever or whenever she is she’s ok. His eyes involuntarily travel to the stain on the wood floor where his Martha was murdered. He can’t do this anymore. He won’t. Death will be freedom from his suffering, death will be his paradise.

He makes it to his father’s studio and studies the wooden beam where Mikkel took his own life. Like father, like son, he supposes, and slowly uses the same rope to make a noose for himself. He stands on the same stool. He doesn’t hesitate just like his father didn’t as he kicks it away and falls into a painful and jerking struggle for his death. 

Noah was looking for Jonas, to tell him the excavation of the caves had finally reached the door. Whatever Noah had been expecting to see when he went into the Kahnwald house, this wasn’t it. He knew Jonas was living a nightmare and was the walking embodiment of misery- aren't they all?- but it had never occurred to him that he’d pursue the same end as his father. He pulls out his trusty switchblade and hastily cuts the boy free. Jonas crumbles into a heaving heap on the floor, and Noah quickly unties the noose and pulls it off. Jonas gasps for air, and finally seeing Noah, scrambles away from him.

“What are you doing here? Are you following me?” Jonas rasps. Noah is furious and distraught and his heart hurts. 

“You made me a promise. Adam made me a promise. You said that the apocalypse must happen, so that we can get saved. So that all of us can get saved”.

Jonas looks back at the wooden beam and back to the other teenager.

“You cannot die” Noah snarls, yanking a gun out of his coat and pointing it at Jonas who doesn’t even flinch, his finger sliding onto the trigger… but he can’t. He knows with unquestioning faith that the gun will not fire at him, but the thought of demonstrating it, trying it, on the man he’s been pining for for months but across a century… he can’t. He puts it into Jonas’ hand who tries to shoot himself in the head in vain, the gun clicking in defiance. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 times. 

Noah’s heart twists at the defeat on his face and takes the gun back from him and shoots the wall, the sound so explosive in the deafening silence that Jonas finally flinches. 

“You cannot take your own life because your older self already exists. Time won’t permit it. No matter what you try,” Noah steps closer, “a force, or someone will always stop you from doing it. Elisabeth and I found the passage. You must keep your promise.”

The trek back to the caves is relatively quiet, even the birds are solemn. The teens walk side by side for the most part, Noah sometimes trailing behind Jonas a bit out of caution though he isn’t sure why. The last time they walked through the woods together, Jonas was wearing Noah’s clothes and Noah was close to kissing him. Noah tries not to think about how in the months in between Jonas has lost all hope and no longer wants to live at all. 

Jonas tries to ignore the embarrassment of Noah seeing him in his darkest hour. He doesn’t want him to see him as a coward or unable to handle the world he’s responsible for ruining. He doesn’t want to smell the same sweat and pine scent he thinks about at night or remember the way Noah instinctively reached for him and helped him walk the last time they saw each other, strong hands wrapped around him taking the weight of his burdens as his own. 

They climb into the caves and crawl past the door and see the wall of rock behind it. Noah flashes his light back on Jonas’s face. 

“It will open up again and then you take us. And then Adam takes us to paradise finally.

He said we’re friends eventually” he looks back at Jonas whose eyes are searching him for something, “before I’m betrayed”. Jonas swallows hard and turns away from him- he doesn’t like to be reminded of his future mistake.

2023-2040

It takes time for Jonas to warm up to Noah and Elisabeth, and the ability to communicate with them about the God Particle and what he knows of their situation. He knew of Elisabeth from his old life of course, from Fransiska and Magnus primarily, but they had never really interacted. He  had only had a couple run-ins with Noah, and at different ages. Noah and Elisabeth had gotten into the routine of living together, sometimes staying in the caves, sometimes staying in the hut they had recently made into a makeshift home. Noah and Elisabeth had gotten close over time, as they only had each other left, and Jonas, who hadn’t felt a part of a family in quite awhile, was slow to try to integrate into the new dynamic. 

Jonas often stayed at the Kahnwald house alone in the beginning, stopping by a couple times a week to check on them and help them with the caves. Noah, who had been learning GSL from and for Elisabeth, started to help Jonas learn, and once Jonas began attempting to sign to her Elisabeth started teaching him too. All three of them would eventually start to stay at the Kahnwald house occasionally, if they had enough energy to make the trek after a day of excavating the caves- but usually they would sleep in the caves or the hut. 

The feelings that Jonas and Noah had for each other stayed mostly discrete, with actions and words said that could have been interpreted as platonic love rather than romantic. The three of them only really had each other after all. Noah was openly suspicious of Claudia in front of them, and Claudia was often gone for mysterious stretches of time. Jonas, for the most part, didn’t bother to defend Claudia; he too was skeptical of her loyalties. Every once in a while Jonas would find Noah openly staring at him, and vice versa. Noah would often stand very close to Jonas and sometimes Jonas would purposely lean in to see if he would move back. He never did, but then again, Noah never really seemed to have learned the concept of personal space. Not that Jonas minded- he was perfectly fine being close with him. 

Elisabeth would often watch the two of them dance around their feelings, oblivious of the reciprocation. She saw Jonas as the older brother she never had, but she never felt that way about Noah. As time went on, she realized it was because she saw him in a romantic way she had never seen Jonas. Noah developed feelings for her too, and became confused with the way he was simultaneously in love with both of them. Jonas was his savior and a forbidden love, Elisabeth was the woman he swore to protect and would always stand at his side. Noah also couldn’t help but try to repress his feelings for Jonas- although he knew Christianity was a front for his future, he had spent a great deal of time in the Winden Church and could not help the guilt he felt for loving another man. Not just any man, but his savior. He also tried to convince himself that it wasn’t love at all, just admiration, just being incredibly grateful that the future Adam was a part of his life and would grant him paradise for his sacrifices. Elisabeth was sweet, smart, and he was very protective of her. It was just easier, simpler, better on his conscience to lean into Elisabeth’s touches- and the more he did so, the guiltier he would feel about leaning into Jonas- so he stopped. He wasn’t in control of his life, but he could still have a great love.

2040

Experimenting with the God Particle at the nuclear power plant has not been a fruitful endeavor. Jonas, Noah, and Claudia work on it everyday- trying to pitch new ideas and spitball latest hypotheses. On a particular day, the God Particle appears to turn into dark matter but it does not sustain. Noah glances at Jonas, and then suspiciously at Claudia. The men go back to the hut Noah and Elisabeth live in and Jonas frequents. 

Noah looks at Jonas as he heats his hands over their open flame outside their shelter. 

“Why do you think it still isn’t working?” Jonas stares into the fire as he asks him.

“Maybe Claudia doesn’t want it to work. Why do you trust her?”

“Why is it him you trust? Adam? He lied to you” Noah looks away from him, tired of repeatedly defending his loyalties.

“There is no paradise. There is no world other than this one. I know you think I’m becoming him. But I’m not. The portal will work, I’ve seen it- in the future. Everything repeats itself. But if I can travel back I can change everything” he looks back at Noah “my older self tried it before but this time it’s different. The components in the passage have changed. This time it will work.”

“She told you all that? Claudia? What do you really know about her?

Jonas looks away, knowing that Noah has every right to be suspicious- he himself has doubts about Claudia and her allegiances but he can’t think of another productive path forward given the circumstances. 

“She sometimes disappears for days. How does she know all the things she knows? She says that not all that’s here should exist here. What did she mean by that?”

The makeshift hut door opens and a pregnant Elisabeth comes out and beckons Noah to come inside. Jonas has known for quite awhile that she is pregnant with Noah’s child, but every time he sees her with a swollen belly he flinches, just slightly, as if he thought that knowledge was but a dream. Noah turns back to Jonas and says, “Claudia is hiding something from us. We can’t trust her. I hope that you know that.” Noah goes inside and they share one last look as the door closes.

2041

Noah lies to Elisabeth about paradise as he always does and they go inside the hut to see Charlotte is gone. Noah, seething, immediately goes to the bunker and throws open the door to see Jonas sitting peacefully at the desk. “Where is she?” He growls and crosses the distance in the time it takes Jonas to stand up from his chair. Noah grabs him by his coat collar, Jonas gasping in surprise as he’s thrown against the bunker wall. Jonas has had a few pipe dreams about Noah slamming him into a wall but this isn’t quite what he had imagined. 

“Charlotte!” He demands, “where’s Charlotte?” 

Jonas just breathes heavily in bewilderment. “For all these years I wondered what he meant by that. That we’d be friends before you finally betray me. Where’s Claudia? Does she have Charlotte? Are you in on it?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about,” Jonas admits, and Noah wraps his hands around his throat and strangles him. Jonas and Noah have both had pipe dreams involving Noah’s hand around Jonas’s throat- but not like this, never like this. 

“Where is she? Where’s Charlotte?”

“I don’t know” Jonas manages, and Noah releases him, both of them breathing in the same air before Noah leans into him even closer, his mouth mere inches from his. He looks deep into his eyes, the eyes of the man he has spent lifetimes serving, the eyes of the man he loves involuntarily, even somehow still through such an egregious and unforgivable crime.

“I wish you endless suffering” says Noah and stalks away. 

Noah takes his time going back to the hut, defeated and heart broken. He knew at some point that this would happen, that the kidnapping of his only child was inevitable, but the forewarning doesn’t make it hurt any less. He never told Elisabeth that this would happen, just as he hadn't told her the truth about paradise- that it was fiction, a dream to propel him forward through this hellscape. He says goodbye to a tearful Elisabeth, quickly and vaguely explains that he has to go travel and find her, and sets out to go back to his childhood home. He cannot bear to witness her sorrow and lie to her more. 

1920

Noah strolls into the bar, mentally agonizing over how he’s seen over a century into the future and is now back where it all began. He greets Erna, more youthful then he’s seen her in quite awhile, and asks for a place to rest- Erna stares at him a moment- probably due to the resemblance… A part of him starts to panic as he remembers what happens next. Erna shouts for Hanno to give him a room, and his younger self runs down the stairs and sees him- really sees him- and swallows. Noah realizes in that moment that everything had come full circle all over again, that he genuinely could not change things, but what other option did he have but to try?

Noah didn’t realize how socially awkward his younger self could be, although being an orphan without friends and drafted into a time war was quite a justification. He fumbles through a conversation with himself that they would talk again soon and that he had much to explain and teach him before he embarks back to the basement of the church. 

Adam is staring at that stupid painting with his back turned to him when he arrives, and Noah’s mouth goes dry at seeing the stark contrast from the middle aged Jonas he had just seen and the old man he was here. 

“I was wondering when you’d come. I know you think I lied to you. That I took Charlotte away from you. But I didn’t.” Adam says it without turning around and Noah realizes he’s been walking toward him without thinking and stops in his tracks.

“You were right. Claudia. She lied to all of us". Adam finally turns to face him.

"The book- do you have it with you?” Noah automatically pulls the triquetra notebook out of his inner coat pocket, his trust regained with his suspicions confirmed. 

“The last entries- they’re gone? You must find those pages. They will lead you to Charlotte and to your ultimate destination. You will find your paradise, finally. And Helge will help you". Adam hands him a bible. “Everything in life happens in cycles. Sunset follows the sunrise over and over. But this trip will be your last cycle in time. Are you ready Noah?”

Noah swallows and nods. He is not ready, because he knows now that everything truly will be as they were before despite his best efforts. But this is his destiny, to try and fail alongside both Jonas and Adam. This would always be his fate, to struggle ad infinitum. 

Noah gets to work. 

Goodbye

Jonas had never found the post-it note that Noah had left for him- but it didn’t matter. His love for Martha was eternal- across time and across worlds. If there was a world without Martha, Noah would have been the love of his life- but that world didn’t exist. But Noah was right about one thing- there was no future for the two of them, or their happiness. What was even worse was that they wouldn’t have any existence at all. 

Jonas vanishes holding hands with Martha, and taking a last look at the world they’d never see again. Adam and Eve hold hands as they take in the sight of their burned painting. Stranger Jonas and adult Martha both vanish alone thinking about each other. 

Noah is lying on his bed with his hand behind his head looking at the ceiling of the room below the church, the same room Jonas stayed in when he was brought there. He thinks of his family, of Elisabeth stuck in a post-apocalyptic future alone waiting on the paradise he promised her, of his daughter he never got to see grow up. Most of all, as he disintegrates, he thinks of the man he’s spent decades serving and loving and wonders if this was him- if he had finally done it, if he was finally at peace, and 

Noah didn’t get to finish his last thought as he fades into emptiness.