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She never did get used to seeing her own face in the mirror. It wasn't shocking when it morphed into her fears, at least, not anymore. She'd seen it plenty of times before, green eyes staring back at her, reminding her of the hurt and pain she caused; or half of her face missing like the void, separated by purple cracks. This shouldn't affect her. She was happy, she was loved and it was reciprocated. So, why was she thinking about it, three years later? Why couldn't she be normal? Why couldn't she forgive and forget, like everyone else had done? Why was she so differ-
"Adora! Are you done staring in the mirror? This isn't a coming of age play." Catra laughed, she really was beautiful. Adora could stare into her eyes for hours, she'd prefer that more than looking in the mirror and seeing green eyes stare back.
"What?" Adora stared at the mirror, it showed Catra right behind her. But if she stared hard enough, Adora knew that couldn't be herself in the mirror. Parts of herself were chipping away, disintegrating into black again and Adora knew what was going on and she oh so badly didn't want to relive that a-
Catra pulled her close by the waist. "That play we saw a few weeks ago. I made fun of it while you sat there all confused. You look like shit, by the way."
Adora looked away. "I see you never dropped the swearing habit."
"Are you in a bad mood or something? You don't look that bad, just exhausted."
Adora rolled her eyes. "I slept today."
"You're asleep more than me, and I'm half-cat. You sure nothing's wrong?" Of course, Catra was suspicious. Adora couldn't hide anything from her, but she'd have to hide this.
Adora wanted to tell her. But Catra... Catra was over it. She didn't want to bring it up again and have Catra relive everything. It was bad enough Adora was hung up on this, she couldn't get Catra involved. "Yes. Yeah. I'm fine."
"Anyway, get ready. We're eating dinner together."
"The last time we did that was a month ago. What's special?"
"Well, it'll be the first time you got ready in a month. I wanna hang out with my girlfriend! You're cute and I want affection." Catra smiled.
"Fine, fine. I love you."
Catra touched her cheek softly. "I love you too." Her fingers brushed over the scar and Adora couldn't help but remember.
"I love you." Adora's eyes immediately darted away. It was the first time Adora said it. Horde Prime was always listening, but Catra and Adora were an unstoppable duo. They had almost crushed the Rebellion together, until someone switched sides and it threw them off entirely. That was fine, he had never tuned into their thoughts during that battle.
Adora just had to get it out. She loved Catra. She was her partner-in-crime, and Adora wanted them to be so much more. Sure, it was probably unrequited, but... it had eaten away at her too much. Prime wanted everyone to have inner peace, so she put herself out there and said it.
"Adora? That's you?" Adora turned to stare at Catra. This couldn't be happening, Catra was... not under the control of him. Her eyes were their two colors and Adora wanted nothing more than to do away with her- until they faded back to the familiar green and Adora smiled.
"Yeah, it's me. You heard me, didn't you?" Adora reached for her hand.
Catra just smiled. It felt... off. Adora couldn't put her finger on it. "Dumbass. I love you too."
"We're gonna conquer Etheria together, you know?" She'd have to ignore that. Catra was trustworthy, she'd never betray her.
Catra rested her head on Adora's shoulder. "Aw, you promise?"
"I promise. Etheria will be ours until the end of time."
"You're a romantic, aren't you?"
"You love it." Adora smiled.
"I do."
Catra lied. Adora knew it all this time. She rebelled, she turned against what was right and good, of course she had snapped out a few times which was erratic but... now she wasn't a part of their army. The world they wanted so badly to have together, the world they deserved. Catra gave it up. Of course she had to, of course she had to leave again, because of course Adora couldn't trust anyone anymore.
Adora didn't deserve her. So as she stared into the mirror one last time before Horde Prime called her, she didn't see herself. Adora saw a broken little girl. She had the maturity of one to trust Catra. Her betrayal... Adora knew to get her emotions out now. She punched the mirror and watched it shatter before picking up a shard. That was who she wanted to see; Adora smiled and walked away.
She was called there to fight, and Adora would gladly do so. Except for the fact Catra kept... looking familiar. The green eyes would peak out sometimes, and Adora wanted desperately to just hold her hand again. There was one time she gave in, one she remembered so vividly. Catra was frozen in place, and Adora walked up to her, moving Catra's hand to her cheek.
"Hey, Catra." She had snapped out of it earlier, her normal eyes were a disgrace to Prime's legacy. Adora knew Catra would never hurt her, and it was shocking to see Catra look so torn before her hand shook and sliced her cheek. For a moment, Adora looked at Catra and didn't feel hate and resentment. But that moment was fleeting, and she was soon fighting her love once again.
"Catra..." Adora looked down.
"Huh? Oh, wait, fuck, I touched the scar, huh? Look, I love you. I'm not gonna scratch you again unless you're into that."
Adora groaned. "Oh my god, Catra. Never say that again."
"You don't love me?" Catra, being overdramatic as usual, looked hurt.
Adora rolled her eyes. "You know exactly what I mean."
"Maybe. You have an idea of what you want to wear?"
"I can't go down there in these clothes?" That was a legitimate question. She wasn't naked, after all. They may or may not have been washed in a while, but all she was going to do was just grab food and go back to bed.
"No, dumbass, the point is to get you out of those."
Adora grinned. "Kinky."
"I hate you."
"My jokes are better. Admit it."
"Rarely. I'm gonna go get you clothes.'
"Please don't make me wear tights."
"Hey Glimmer, do you know where the tights are?" Catra shouted.
Her worst nightmare. "I am not wearing them."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pleaseeeee-"
"No." Adora glared at her.
Catra groaned. "Hey, can I brush your hair? It looks soft."
"Oh, it isn't. I feel like I'm carrying straw on my head."
"You should shower."
"That's rich coming from you."
"Fuck off, I'm brushing your hair." Catra went over. "Claws or actual brush?"
"I keep telling you the actual brush rips out your hair, but you don't believe me."
"You act so old. Fine, I'll do it your way." The claws in her hair jolted her memory again.
They weren't together yet. Adora desperately wanted to be, though. After all, they did everything together. They'd always hold hands, and Adora craved that physical touch, but they'd also kick ass together. It was much easier when the one she loved was by her side, doing the exact same thing. It was just like old times, it was all Adora ever wanted. Catra wanted that too, as far as Adora knew. She gripped onto Catra's hand.
"Hey, Catra." Adora smiled.
"Hey, Adora. You look hot taking down the Rebellion." Adora looked away.
"I know. I think we did a good job today. Most of the princesses have run off."
Catra smiled. "Obviously they're scared of your muscles."
"Or they're scared of, y'know, you. Your magical powers from the magicats or something." Catra was always more powerful. She just... put herself down all the time. Adora wasn't on her level and she'd never understand why she was being compared to a goddess.
"Oh, yeah. That's certainly something." Catra sighed.
It felt awkward for a moment. Conversation didn't really flow anymore since they were always watched. It was fine, they made do with whatever seconds they had not under constant surveillance. "So, uh, Catra."
"You can say it. I'm fucking amazing."
Adora smiled. Finally, some acknowledgment. "Of course you are. I was just going to complain about my hair."
Catra stared at her, like she was trying to find what was wrong. "Give it a break from the ponytail and let me brush it."
"That was an unexpected answer."
"It looks soft! I want to touch it."
"One time. One. That is it. You may brush my hair one time."
Catra smiled. "I'll get to work."
Adora felt a hand on her forehead. "You're burning up."
"What?"
Catra seemed frustrated. "You're not deaf. Have you been sick for like, a month? Oh no. Is that why you're sleeping so much?"
"I'm not sick! It's just really warm. Change of climate or something."
"You haven't left our bedroom in a month?"
Adora shrugged. "I didn't feel like it."
"Adora." Catra sounded so disappointed. How was she going to get out of this?
"I'm okay! I promise. I just, y'know, I'm a private person and I like my time with you and I could ramble on and on about how much I love you-"
Catra covered Adora's mouth. "I know, I'm the greatest girlfriend. Your hair's done, it wasn't that hard. Maybe you should eat something, you have ea-"
"Stop worrying so much about me. Yes, I've eaten. You bring food every morning." Adora kissed her cheek.
Catra blushed softly. "You worry more when I'm sick!"
"That's life-threatening!"
"This is emotional turmoil! We've gone through enough angst."
"I'm fine! I don't have identity issues." Fuck, that was low.
"No attacking my past. That's illegal, you're going to jail."
"Jail is bed. I'm tired." Adora hugged her. "Sleepy."
"Didn't you just wake up from a nap?"
Adora groaned. "Don't call me out like this."
"I love you, but you sleep too much. When was the last time we talked?"
"That's a good question. Yesterday? Am I not being a good girlfriend?"
"You're trying your best. I know it's hard when the townspeople... aren't exactly forgiving."
"Yeah. We're gonna get food now, right?"
Catra grinned. "Wear. The. Outfit."
"I am not wearing tights!"
"I put away the tights!:
"If this is embarrassing I'll kill you."
"I'd like to see you try."
Adora changed in the closet. It wasn't anything drastic, which she was thankful for, it was only casual Brightmoon attire. Which was basically periwinkle and lavender, which were the same color. "I'm very thankful it's not bad."
"I'd hope not. Now hurry up! We're meeting your friends."
"They're your friends."
"They're our friends."
Adora sighed. Dinner was blurry. She ate and all, but it took a bit before she could actually swallow anything. Seeing her reflection in the glass table wasn't fun either. Yes, she knew she looked really bad. Adora hated the green eyes on her, but Catra wasn't even saying anything about them. Maybe she was just overthinking it again. After all, Entrapta took the chip out already. Adora was seeing things again, that had to be it. She couldn't just get a break when she was awake, sleep was her escape from... everything. From her past, from even the person she was. Adora didn't even notice Catra tap on her shoulder until she yanked Adora's arm back.
"Ow!" Adora glared. "What?"
"Uh, are you done? Everyone else is gone, I thought you liked our friends."
"I do, I'm just tired."
"Something's wrong."
Adora sighed. "I'm fine."
"I'm not stopping until you tell me the truth."
"I'm fine!"
"Something's wrong! Is it me?" Catra was so close to yelling.
"It's not you! It's him!" Adora looked away.
"Oh. Do you get flashes?" Adora rolled her eyes. She asks that one time and it gets brought up everywhere.
"I hear him sometimes. I know it's been three years, I just want to be over this. I'm so tired. I'm mentally drained and I can't keep up with anything. I feel so stupid for letting this drag me down and I-"
"You're not stupid."
"You interrupted me. I feel stupid. I know you're trying so hard but I feel like I'm a waste of space. You keep pointing out that I just sleep all the time and I feel like such a bad girlfriend..." Adora wiped her eyes. "And now I'm crying."
Catra held her hand. "It's okay. You... We're different people. Don't compare yourself to me, you were chipped a month longer. Yeah, we both fucking suffered, but you shouldn't beat yourself up too much. What... what happened to start it up now? You were fine a few weeks ago."
"When we got the new bathroom mirror. I see all my fuckups. That time I pulled the lever, me in the Horde, when I was chipped..."
Catra pressed their foreheads together. "I know. When I left, I saw myself like that all the time. I'm no professional, but you like to push things away. Accept your past. It's a part of you, you learned, you're not gonna like, blow up people again."
"But that was kinda fun."
"We almost killed my friends."
"That was kinda fun." Adora laughed softly. "You are the best girlfriend."
"We're not arguing over this. We decided on you!"
Adora just smiled and looked down at the glass table. So that was what she looked like after all.
"Hey, Adora. Your reflection's kinda cute."
"What if I just saw my chipped self?"
"We're on the same mental plane and you know it. Still tired?"
"I mean, I could shower."
"Finally." Catra smiled.
Adora held Catra's hand tightly. "I love you."
"I love you too. Now shower, you dumbass!"
Adora raised her eyebrows. "Is that a threat?"
"Yes! Now go!" Adora laughed and ran with Catra all the way back. It was like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. She didn't have to see her past anymore, only her future. And Catra? There was a reason that every time Adora was around a mirror, Catra would be standing right next to her.