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"What happened?" Ronan asked, eyes flickering from the gash over Adam's eyebrow to his bandaged wrist.
Adam didn't really talk about this with them. At first he would come up with lies, but when they figured it out, he would just not answer their questions or reply briefly. But there was something in Ronan's eyes that made him say the truth today. "He caught me trying to sneak out to find you and thought I was trying to run away or something."
He didn't want to think about last night, his father's fists and accusations. His temple and wrist still hurt like hell and he had to miss a day of school and work because of it. The impact of that was already heavy on his mind. He hoped Ronan wouldn't ask more about this. Whenever they talked about this— or didn't, for that matter— Ronan seemed angry, although not his usual destructive, fire-like anger, but quieter, like simmering embers.
Today he just looked sad. Adam didn't know if he had ever seen him like this: shoulders slumped, eyes defeated and downcast, mouth turned in a frown.
Ronan cursed, hands idly fiddling with the bandages around his forearms. "You shouldn't have tried to leave to find me. I would have been okay."
"You almost killed yourself, Ronan. I don't see how that's okay." Though he and Ronan spent most of their time arguing and didn't get along, Adam couldn't forget the fear he had felt when Gansey had called him yesterday night, saying that Ronan was missing, and again today, when Gansey came to his house, the concern on his face morphing into sadness as he saw the cut on Adam's temple and the poorly wrapped bandage around his wrist.
Ronan seemed invincible; he was sharp lines and jagged edges, throwing punches and racing under the dark night, too-loud music and creative curses. He didn't seem like someone who would try to take his own life. But, Adam contemplated, you could be wrong about people. After all, it had taken time for him to realize that Ronan wasn't a total asshole after their initial meeting"
"It's not...It wasn't like that," Ronan said, making a sound of frustration. He went to the bedside table and took out a first aid kit. Before Adam could ask about it, he said. "Sit down."
Adam frowned but did as told, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Ronan sat down too, facing him, and rummaged through the kit to get some cotton and antiseptic. He raised his hand tentatively and dabbed the cotton to the gash gently.
It sting and Adam fought back a wince, just taking in a sharp breath. Why was Ronan doing this? Did he feel guilty that it was his fault? Why would he even care?
Adam couldn't remember the last time someone else had patched his injuries. When he was younger, his mother used to do it sometimes, but there would be a disappointment in her eyes, and Adam never understood what he had done wrong.
Adam searched Ronan's eyes for any signs of disappointment, but there was only sadness and worry. Adam hadn't seen this look directed to him from Ronan.
Ronan slowly unwrapped the bandage around Adam's wrist, inspecting the bruise with featherlight touch, and whispered, "Do you think it's a bone injury?"
Adam shook his head. "I don't think so."
Ronan didn't say anything, just took out a pain relief spray and applied it to the bruise. Then, he bandaged it securely.
Adam thought Ronan would get up and leave now, but he didn't. His hand was still loosely holding Adam's wrist as he said, "I'm sorry."
The words were barely a whisper and Adam wondered if he had heard him wrong. Ronan didn't apologize, especially not to Adam. Adam didn't know what to say, so he simply replied, "It wasn't your fault." Because it really wasn't.
"It was," Ronan said in a soft voice. "Just...If I go missing again like this, don't try to sneak out."
"Then don't go missing again," Adam said back.
Ronan seemed like he wanted to argue to that, but then he sighed and said, "Okay, I won't."
Again, Adam wondered if he had heard him wrong. It wasn't like Ronan to agree to things so quickly. But then again, he was acting quite out of character today. "Good," Adam said and he meant it.
Ronan looked down at Adam's wrist and asked, "Is this any better now?"
"Yeah. Yeah, it's better."
----
Ronan's injuries healed slowly but surely; he had started wearing leather bands around his scarred wrist. And Adam's bruise was fading too. They were on a cycle of staying with Ronan and making sure he didn't do something destructive again, which frustrated Ronan, but it was working.
But Adam couldn't stay safe from his father for long.
Adam walked behind Gansey into Monmouth, trying not to limp, but Ronan, who was just walking out of his room, seemed to notice anyway, as he looked down at Adam's foot and then up at his split lip.
"Come here," Ronan said, walking back into his room, as Gansey went to change. Adam followed in silence and sat down on the bed as Ronan nodded towards it.
"What happened to your foot?" Ronan asked.
"Stepped on some glass," Adam said, which wasn't a complete lie. He didn't want to say that it was a broken bottle, shattered by his father in anger.
It was obvious that Ronan knew it wasn't the entire truth, but thankfully he didn't say anything about it. Instead he just said, "Take off your shoes."
Pushing the thoughts away, Adam did as told, grimacing against the pain. As Ronan brought out the first aid kit, Adam blurted out, "You don't have to do this." Did Ronan still feel guilty about last time? But Adam had told him that it wasn't his fault.
"You're hurt. Shut up," Ronan replied without any heat, and sat down on the bed. "Bring up your feet."
Adam leaned back against the headboard, stretching out his legs so that his feet rested near Ronan's thigh. Ronan worked carefully and it hurt considerably less than Adam would have thought. He dropped his head back and closed his eyes against the flood of emotions. He didn't understand why Ronan was being so gentle. The idea of someone helping him just because they wanted was still novel to him. He wanted to ask Ronan so many things.
Why are you doing this, Ronan? Why does your help not feel like pity, but care? Why do you even care?
Adam opened his eyes and found Ronan already looking at him. He held his gaze for some seconds, before standing up. "Wait here," Ronan said and left the room.
Adam stared at his now perfectly bandaged foot, mind running with thoughts.
Ronan came back soon with an ice pack. "Scoot over."
Adam did and Ronan sat near him, holding out the pack. Adam pressed it to his lips; the freezing ice hurt a little, but after a while, it eased the pain.
"Do you have work today?" Ronan asked.
"No, I don't."
Ronan just nodded in response, but Adam saw some tension release from his shoulders as he took the ice pack from Adam.
Out of habit, Adam began to bite his lower lip, but Ronan put a thumb over his lip. "Stop it. You'll make it bleed again, idiot."
Adam's lips tingled and he had a feeling it didn't have anything to do with the cold.
Ronan let his thumb linger for a second longer, before pulling away and asking, "Better?"
"Yeah... Better."
----
The next few weeks passed smoothly for Adam, mostly because he managed to stay away from his father by spending most of his time working at his jobs. But things didn't stay like that for long. Because of his extra hours at the jobs, he had forgotten to fix his father's truck, which...which resulted in new bruises on his ribs and upper arm.
Thankfully the next day was Sunday, so he didn't have school or work. After waking up early to fix the truck, he went to Monmouth, hoping to get some studying done with Gansey. He had to take his bike which was excruciating, but he didn't really have another option.
When he finally reached the second floor, the pain was nearly unbearable. He brought his arm to his ribs, taking slow breaths. Maybe he shouldn't have worked on the truck today. Maybe he shouldn't have biked all the way here. Before he could mask his expressions, the door opened and Ronan stood there.
"Ronan. Hey." Adam tried to compose himself as they walked inside. "Where's Gansey?"
"He went to meet Helen. And Noah's with him. What happened to you?"
"Nothing," he lied, trying to sound convincing.
But Ronan wasn't buying it. "Parrish, what happened?" he asked again.
He tried to think of an excuse, but he was tired and it hurt too much, and he just wanted to rest. "I had to fix his truck, but I forgot."
Ronan's jaw tightened, eyes burning with fury. "Fucking hell," he swore, voice strained, holding back his anger.
Adam hadn't seen Ronan attempt to control his anger before. He went on races and fought people to let out his emotions. It felt like a big thing that he was clamping down his anger for Adam. And even the fact that he was angry was a lot different. When people saw the bruises, they looked at Adam in pity and sympathy or sometimes sadness. They were never angry that this was happening.
"Come on," Ronan said, bringing him out of his thoughts.
He followed the other boy to the shared bathroom-kitchen and stood aside as Ronan took out the first aid kit that they kept in here. He wanted to tell Ronan that this wasn't necessary. He didn't need to help Adam. He would be okay. But somehow he found himself incapable of saying no to Ronan.
Ronan nodded towards the counter and said, "Sit here and take off your shirt."
It was a good opportunity to make a joke, but Adam simply lifted himself up to sit on the counter. He paused with his hands on the hem of his shirt, remembering his older bruises and scars, his ribs visible because of his thin frame. Taking a deep breath, he took off his shirt, but kept his gaze fixed firmly on his hands.
He heard Ronan do his smoker breath. "Jesus fucking Christ, Parrish." Ronan walked and stood between his slightly opened knees. "Did you bike all the way here like this?"
Adam looked up at him and was surprised by the worry and fear filled in those ocean eyes. He was also surprised by how close they were; Ronan's hands were on the either sides of his outer thighs and their breaths mingled between them. Adam nodded in answer.
"You shithead. Couldn't you have called one of us to pick you up?"
Adam almost said that Ronan hated his phone and wouldn't have picked up anyway, but he didn't want to argue about that.
Ronan huffed out a breath and silently began healing the bruises. Adam was once again struck by Ronan's tenderness, how whenever Adam hissed at the pain, he pulled away. Adam felt like his heart couldn't handle this.
"Better?" Ronan asked after he was done, handing Adam his shirt. His voice was still a bit strained, though it didn't seem like because of anger, but some other emotion that Adam couldn't name.
Adam nodded. "Better."
----
After that it became a thing, whenever Adam showed up with new bruises, Ronan would heal them, sometimes in silence, his eyes filled with numerous emotions, and sometimes he would ask about them, face darkening with anger.
They didn't talk about why Ronan did it. That is, until he got Chainsaw.
When Adam and Gansey had entered Monmouth the next day, he had found Ronan sitting on the floor of his bedroom, holding something in his hands.
While Gansey went to find Noah— probably to talk about their upcoming meetings with the psychics today— Adam walked into Ronan's room. "What's that?" he asked.
Ronan unclasped his hands and a small bird looked up at Adam. "This is Chainsaw," Ronan said, eyes drifting down to the bruise on Adam's cheek. Before Adam could say something about Chainsaw, Ronan said, voice hard, "I told you not to sneak out again because of me."
"And I told you not to disappear again," Adam shot back, sitting down in front of him.
Ronan held out his hand not holding Chainsaw, the lines of scars barely visible under the leather bands. "I'm okay, aren't I?" he asked. "Why did you need to sneak out?"
"Why do you patch me up when I'm hurt? Why do you care?"
Ronan didn't seem to expect that. He averted his gaze and muttered, "Because you're my friend and I care about you."
Though Ronan had shown this in the past weeks, hearing him say those words still make Adam's breath hitch. He wondered if he'd ever get used to people genuinely caring for them. Especially Ronan caring about him so much.
"Well, I care about you too," he replied. "So of course I was worried when Gansey called me saying they didn't know where you were."
Ronan's shoulders dropped. "I don't want you to get hurt because of me," he said and it felt like an apology.
"Then don't do things like this again."
They sat in silence for sometime before Ronan carefully dropped Chainsaw into Adam's hands. "Here, hold her for a second."
"'Her'?" Adam inquired, staring at the raven in his hands. She rubbed her head against his thumb and he felt himself smiling.
"Yes, her," Ronan said, sitting down in front of him with an ice pack.
This time Adam didn't question or refuse as Ronan closed his fingers around Adam's chin, holding his face at place and pressed the pack to his cheek.
He felt Chainsaw move in his hands and he wondered if he should look down to ensure she wasn't falling down or something, but he couldn't bring himself to move his eyes away from Ronan's soft gaze.
Ronan let out a breath and it puffed over Adam's lips. When did they get this close? Ronan's eyes flickered down to Adam's lips so briefly that Adam thought he might have imagined it.
"Better?" Ronan asked, pulling his hands back.
"Yeah. Better," Adam answered.
"Adam, I-" Ronan began, but Chainsaw let out a shriek, making them both jump.
"I...I think she's hungry," Ronan said and took her, walking to the bed where there seemed to be some snacks.
Adam leaned back against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. He always knew Ronan was quite good looking and since he had figured out that he was bisexual, deep down, he knew that maybe he liked Ronan a little. He had been doing a pretty good job of not thinking too much about these feelings, but now these feelings were crashing in full force. He watched as Ronan fed Chainsaw, petting her softly, and something in him ached.
He wanted…
He wasn't even sure what. To kiss Ronan? To see him smile like he was right now? To be with him?
Adam took a deep breath and tamped down the thoughts.
----
After Ronan had punched his father and Adam had pressed charges, Adam had thought he was finally free. It wasn't how he had wanted it to go, but nonetheless he was away from his father now. He had his own apartment at St. Agnes. And it felt like home, especially when Ronan would spend time there. And that was something that Adam was uncertain to think more about.
But he hadn't escaped his father, not really.
As his father left, Adam stood there frozen. There was another knock on the door and he flinched, wiping his eyes hurriedly. Was he back? Why?
But then the door opened, and Ronan stood there, eyes wild with terror. He cursed and walked to Adam. "Adam, are you okay?" His eyes ran over Adam's face, checking for injuries. "Are you hurt?"
Adam shook his head, managing a small, "I'm fine."
"What- What was he doing here?" Ronan asked, voice venomous.
"He...He wanted to talk about the court case."
"Son of a bitch," Ronan bit out. "Did he hurt you?"
Vaguely, Adam realized that Ronan asked something like that before. "He...He tried to."
"What?" Ronan looked murderous now.
"But he didn't," Adam mumbled, thinking about Cabeswater.
"Adam," Ronan said, voice gentle but firm, and held Adam's shoulders. "What happened?"
"He raised his hand and I thought he'd hurt me, but I...Cabeswater helped. I don't know how but it hurt him and...and he left." Ronan's hands slid down to his arms and Adam noticed the blood on Ronan's hand, making him remember what had happened before. He felt nauseous thinking about that. "What...What did you do about-"
"I was taking it to my car to take it to the Barns and that's when I saw his truck driving away. So I- Fuck, I thought-" He shook his head, as if scared of his own thoughts. Adam knew a thing or two about feeling like that.
"I'm okay," he said because he didn't want to see Ronan worried like this. "You can go."
Ronan shook his head again. "What if he comes back?"
"I don't think he will," Adam said, though the possibility scared him.
"What if he does?" The anger seemed to have left Ronan, and now there was a hint of fear in his eyes. His hands rested on Adam's wrist and Adam wondered if he could feel his pulse beating too quickly. "Come to the Barns with me."
Adam blinked at him. "What?"
"Don't stay here tonight. The Barns is safer."
"Isn't it illegal for you?"
On any other day, Ronan would grin and make some comment about it, but today he just shrugged. "We can sneak in."
"Ronan, I have school tomorrow."
"I will drop you back here in the morning."
Adam knew that Ronan meant it. And honestly, he didn't want to stay here alone today. So with a short debate with himself, he nodded and followed Ronan out of his apartment.
The drive to the Barns was silent. After getting down from the car, Ronan had told him to go ahead as he needed to bury the body. Adam had offered to help, but Ronan hadn't agreed.
So Adam found himself walking through the halls of the house, staring around at the dream things, wondering what it was like for Ronan to grow up here, surrounded by a loving family. And also wondering what it would be like to see the younger Ronan here, running around the house, playing with his brothers.
"Hey." Ronan's voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he turned to his right to see the other boy standing near him. He realized that the door was to his left and that's why he probably didn't hear Ronan coming. But he felt an immense gratitude that Ronan stood on his right side now. It was like he always made sure that he stayed on Adam's right. "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing."
"Are you thinking about him?" Ronan asked and Adam realized that Ronan was worried that he was silent like this because he was thinking about his father.
Adam shook his head. He had learnt to push away these thoughts now. "No. I was just wondering what your childhood was like," he said honestly.
He expected Ronan to close off on that like he usually did when his family came up in conversation, but he just replied, smiling ruefully, "It was great."
Adam wondered what was worse. Growing up with a family that didn't love you, or having a loving family only for that to be snatched away.
"Come on. I'm hungry," Ronan led them to the kitchen and started making something to eat.
"What are you doing?"
"What do you think? Making dinner," Ronan answered without looking up.
Adam's eyebrows rose up. He didn't know what he could do to help, so he just sat up on the counter. It was surprisingly nice to see Ronan like this, concentrated on the work.
Ronan glanced up and finding Adam looking, asked, "What?"
Adam's heart stuttered at his intense gaze, but he managed to look nonchalant. "I didn't know you could cook."
Ronan's lips quirked up in a smirk. "Well, Parrish. Prepare to be mind blown."
"Always so humble." Adam rolled his eyes, though there was a small smile on his lips.
----
That night, sleeping in Declan's old room, he dreamt of Ronan dying in front of him and being back in the trailer park with his father.
He woke up with a scream dying in his throat and tears trailing down his cheek.
"Adam?" A voice said.
It wasn't cruel or filled with hate like his father's but he still flinched away. Sitting up, he pushed himself back against the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest and making himself as small as possible.
Someone turned on the bedside lamp and he blinked against the blurry vision as his eyes focused on Ronan kneeling near him on the bed.
Ronan.
He wasn't in his parent's home or St. Agnes. He was at the Barns. With Ronan. He wiped at his cheeks.
"Hey, it's me. It's Ronan." Ronan's face was pinched with worry.
It was okay. It was just Ronan, Adam told himself but that did nothing to help his pounding heart or stuttering breaths. The image of Ronan dying kept replaying in Adam's mind.
"Are you...Can I touch you?" Ronan asked, one hand held towards Adam.
Adam realized that Ronan knew it could scare him more and his thoughtfulness made Adam's heart ache. He nodded and let out a shuddering breath as Ronan put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Ronan pulled him closer, drawing him to his chest. Adam rested his head on his shoulder and shut his eyes against the tears, as strong arms enveloped him.
"You're okay," Ronan whispered in his good ear, rubbing slow circles on his back. "It was a nightmare."
Adam didn't move his head as he asked, "Did I wake you up?" He grimaced at his accent slipping through the words and how broken his voice sounded.
"No, I was awake. I was just gonna check on you to see if you needed something."
They sat like that in silence for a while, before Ronan asked, "You wanna talk about it?"
Adam shook his head, hating the tears that slipped through his lashes.
"Hey," Ronan said in a whisper, pulling back to look at him. He cupped Adam's face, thumb wiping away the tears gently. "Breathe, Adam. Take a deep breath."
Adam inhaled shakily. Then again, and again, until his breathing evened out and his tears stopped. His chest felt lighter than before. Without thinking, he let his forehead drop against Ronan's.
Ronan's hands stilled over his cheeks, before moving down to his jaw, his thumb stroking over Adam's lower lip.
He didn't remember leaning forward, nor seeing Ronan move, but somehow they met halfway, and his eyes fluttered close as Ronan's lips pressed against his.
The kiss was soft and hesitant. It was Ronan kissing him slowly and holding him close like he was afraid it wasn't real. It was Ronan's hands moving to his hair and Adam gripping his waist. It was warmth and a content feeling spreading through Adam's body. It was like the rain after a long hot summer.
It was finally breathing.
They pulled back, lips still only a breath away, and Adam asked, "Stay?"
Ronan gave him a small smile and nodded. "Of course."
They laid down under the covers, Adam's head on Ronan's chest, and Ronan stroking his hair.
Ronan brought his other hand and intertwined his fingers with Adam's. Their hands fit perfectly, like puzzle pieces sitting together.
Ronan pressed his lips to the top of his head, muttering a "Better?" against his hair.
Adam smiled, a bright and teary smile, staring down at their hands. "Better."