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Tadashi sits on the stool at the bar, alone, swirling the drink in his hand. It’s the coolest thing he might have experienced today. He lifts up the drink and quickly slams in down. It burns as it runs down his throat, but not as much as it burns to know that the man he’s loved for years is in a relationship. At least he was told, then again, through text seems like such a copout. He reads over then again, scrolling up and down on the one page as if moving it would shake it out of existence. He sighs, turning his phone over on the bench so he can’t see the screen. He orders another drink. Then another, soon enough drunk and removed from the thoughts of Tsukishima, of him being with Nekoma’s captain. He really should’ve said something, but now that they’re adults, he knows he took too long. Far too long, to the point where Tsukishima moved to someone else. Though that’s what hurts Tadashi most, that clearly his love wasn’t reciprocated if it was given to someone else. He has to move on, because the world will as well, and Tsukishima will, so he should too. Surely he could find more to life than the man he thought he knew.
A couple drinks too many and Tadashi is almost at the point of passing out on his way home. He missed his Uber twice in his lack of understanding his environment now, and had for some reason decided to walk home. Not that he could akin any of his behaviour to sobriety. He fumbles around for his keys in his small bag when he gets to the door, but finds it is open. Perhaps he had forgotten to lock it in all of his sorrow. He makes his way to the unusually green couch and sits his bag beside it, letting himself fall onto it to immediately go to sleep.
-
A throbbing headache is far from aided when you wake up to someone screaming beside you. Unable to collect his thoughts, he places his hand over his eyes, not taking in any of the loud words being directed at him. He licks his lips, taking in a deep breath. He moves to sit up, a sharp pain in his head. He sighs a little rubbing the temples of his head, in which the yelling stops. Was he imagining it maybe? He rubs the sleep out of his eyes so they don’t stick when he tries to open them, but he’s greeted with unfamiliarity. He slowly turns his neck to avoid any pains, then meets eyes with a young man, probably around his age. He’s the thing in this room that Tadashi recognises, he’s seen him before.
“What’re you doing in my house?” Is all he gets. Tadashi wonders about the boy for a moment before realising he’s been asked a question.
“I- First of all, I am so sorry.” Tadashi watches the other boy go to speak, but when he closes his mouth he notes he has the freedom to talk. “I came in last night, and I genuinely thought it was my apartment.”
He scratched his head. In all honesty he couldn’t remember even trying to get home last night, but that sounded like the least creepy option. The boy across from him remains in silence, he too must be confused about the situation. They sit in silence for a few quickly passing minutes.
“Would you like a glass of water?”
Tadashi was expecting to be removed from the couch, so he could find his own place, but glad for the question. It was what he needed most.
“Please. That would be really nice.”
The clink of glass cups and the running of water soothes his thoughts. They overpower the throbbing just a little. He takes the glass when it’s passed to him, and watches the boy sit down in an armchair, his own eyes watching Tadashi. He’s quite short, his hair neat for someone who looks otherwise to just have gotten out of bed. They both take a sip in unison, Tadashi unable to hold the small smile at such a weird coincidence. He clears his throat, thinking it would be best for a proper explanation.
“Again, I’m so sorry I’m here,” Tadashi starts, and the other boy pipes up.
“Well, you’re here now so you might as well stop being sorry.” Tadashi ponders the words for a moment, it might be the most profound thing he’s ever heard, then again, it might just be the leftover alcohol speaking. He nods.
“Right. Well, last night I was at a bar. I was really upset and stupidly drunk my feelings out.” He quickly touches his pocket, finding his phone still sitting in it. “I don’t have much recollection after leaving, just lots of lights and crap. I suppose I thought this was my apartment, even though really they look nothing alike.” He shook his head this time, he felt stupid, even more so trying to replay the events in his head.
They look at each other for a moment before Tadashi continues.
“Do I know you from somewhere? You seem really familiar.”
The other boy smiles, almost as if he was waiting for the question, like he knows who Tadashi is. Then again, it might click when he says it.
“Sakunami Kousuke.” The name doesn’t ring an immediate bell, but the next words do, “Libero of Date Tech.”
Tadashi’s eyes widen slightly. It all flicks back to him, and he can picture him clearly in the uniform on the other side of the court.
“Oh! Right! I remember now! Yamaguchi Tadashi, just in case you forgot like I did.”
They both laughed a little, and it made Tadashi smile for the first time in the past couple days. It was a nice change of pace.
“Well Yamaguchi, would you like to stay for breakfast then? You look like you could use the morning off.”
Yamaguchi was a little taken aback by this. First, he wasn’t shoved out of the apartment, second, someone was offering to take care of him. Likely out of pity for him, but honestly, he could use a little bit of anything else but sadness right now.
“I uh, sure. If you don’t mind having me. It’d be nice to spend my morning with someone.”
He quickly became conscious of his smell, and the way he looked. He ran a hand through his knotty hair, trying to bring some kind of order to the chaos. The panic must have shown on his face, because Sakunami laughed again.
“Don’t worry, I can’t even smell that well since my nose is pretty blocked.”
Tadashi nodded then smiled, this made him feel much better, about everything.
-
Sharing a breakfast with an old school rival and learning a bit about them was not how he expected his morning to go. And he didn’t expect to live in the apartment across the corridor either. A simple right instead of left took him to a much needed talk. Considering their proximity, they decided they’d meet up again when Sakunami wasn’t as sick and Tadashi didn’t reek so bad of alcohol, which honestly wasn’t too long after considering they didn’t take too long to get over.
It was apparent to Tadashi that even if he still wasn’t over Tsukishima, he should try to move on anyway, and maybe this was his chance, to be with Sakunami. They began to hang out when neither had work, having fun together. It helped Tadashi pull the pain that Tsukishima left. Every time he saw Tsukishima and Kuroo together on his socials, it hurt. But then the time he spent with Sakunami made it that little less painful.
-
Tadashi awoke to a sunny autumn morning, the light shiny right through his window. Forgetting the close the blinds was a nightmare of aftermath when he had fallen asleep late last night. He grumbles, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He begrudgingly makes his way to the bathroom, washing his face. He turned the powerpoint off that his phone is plugged into and watches as the time blinks on the screen. He still has another hour before he is to meet with Sakunami. Since they plan to have breakfast out together, he just spends the morning getting himself clean. He pairs his favourite long blue jacket, with a white shirt and orange pants, plus a black scarf to keep him warm. He packs and repacks his bag multiple times out of nervousness to meet Sakunami this morning. It’s like now that they are becoming better friends, Tadashi forms more butterflies every time they meet.
Right at nine, Tadashi is out of his door and locking his apartment for certain. He waits for Sakunami, rather than knocking because he knows he’ll come eventually. When he opens the door, Tadashi smiles at him.
“Ready? I know exactly where I’m going this time.”
Sakunami laughs, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. Tadashi thinks he looks cute, and a little better dressed up than himself, but he doesn’t dwindle on it. Tadashi takes them to a small cafe across from the art gallery they’ll visit after. He hasn’t tried it before, but there is no harm in eating somewhere new. The tea there is absolutely delicious, but the food is pretty average. That can’t put it completely at fault though, because it is pretty cheap.
“What are you most excited about? In the gallery, I mean.” Tadashi puts some slightly overdone eggs and rice into his mouth, the sauce really helps the flavour.
“I think the student work they’re displaying. What a great way to celebrate the artists in schools.”
Tadashi nods, finding himself to quickly agree. He puts down his chopsticks, having finished his meal.
“I think it’ll be interesting to see older art pieces against the fresher thoughts of the newer generation.” He pauses, laughing, “And I’m making myself sound old.”
Sakunami joins in on the laughing and Tadashi smiles. He pays the bill for the two of them, even if it takes a little bit of banter to be able to do so. The art gallery tickets are free however, as they decided to visit the areas available to the public. It was full of amazingly crafted works, from a range of ages to ideas, from mediums to execution. Tadashi’s favourite part is the fact that the two of them can talk about it so freely. They bounce thoughts off one another, and it makes Tadashi forget about the other worldly problems he’s dealing with. It’s pure fun to be doing this.
Towards the end of their visit, they come across a room with a sign tellinging them that they’re now free to use their cameras. It’s full of student artworks, small and big. Each comes with a deep description of the students thoughts. He thinks that this room is his favourite, because it’s all such fresh art, though his favourite is the piece in the corner of the room. It’s a bunch of square mirrors stuck together to make a weird temple like shape, reflecting a lot of angles back at him. The student talks about how no matter where you are in life, everything will still come back to you. He smiles, calling Sakunami over to him.
“Let’s take a photo! This looks so cool!”
Tadashi pulls out his camera, and the other is more than happy to get in the photo.
“You have to send this to me after, this is pretty cool.” Tadashi snaps the photo. They both look happy, and Tadashi blushes a little. Sakunami looks cute in this photo.
“I’ll send it to you when we get back. Is it cool if I post it?”
He slips his phone into his pocket and Sakunami nods as him.
“Yeah, that’s not problem at all!”
They fist bump each other, something they’ve been doing quite often lately.
They had spent quite some time inside when Tadashi’s stomach started to rumble. Sakunami showed to be quite hungry himself. They left the gallery to find a small canteen. They both order take away burgers, soon after finding a place to sit by the water. They laugh, talking about their least and most favourite works. And to top it off, the burger tastes great.
“Thanks for hanging out today with me Sakunami. It was enjoyable.”
The smaller man smiles, crumpling up his burger wrapper. “I couldn’t agree more Yamaguchi.”
The walk home is silent, but it’s enjoyable. That’s what makes it so worthwhile. Tadashi really has a good friend now, someone else to talk to.
-
Once home, he sends the photo and posts it on a couple of his socials. He leaves his phone on the bench before turning on the kettle in order to make tea after using the bathroom. After making his drink, he takes his phone and goes to the couch, sinking into the cushions. He turns on his phone, noticing a missed call from ‘Tsukki <3’.
He puts his tea down on the coffee table, taking a deep breath. They hadn’t spoken for at least a couple weeks at this point. He unlocks it, his thumb hovering over Tsukishima’s red name. He purses his lips, tapping on it before he could chicken out. He put the phone to his ear to hear it ring, but it is quickly picked up.
“Tsukki wh- Tsukishima, what’s up?”
“Yamaguchi, where are you at the moment?”
He’s very straight forward, something in his voice indicates some kind of frustration and Tadashi doesn’t know what to think of it.
“I’m at home, why’s that?”
The line is nothing but static for a few, long moments.
“Can I come over? Now.”
The confirmation of how stressed Tsukishima feels from saying ‘Now.’ hits him pretty hard, and he begins to feel worried for him.
“Uh yeah, sure. Is something wrong?”
“Thank you Yamaguchi, I’ll tell you when I get there.”
The line beeps in his ear and then there is no sound at all. He puts his phone down and picks up his tea. He doesn’t know when Tsukishima will be here or what’s happening, and he has no idea how to go about it. He waits by the door, watching the minutes pass on the kitchen wall clock. It’s been about 11 minutes and 37 seconds when he hears a knock. He moves to the counter to put his glass down before coming back to the door. The extra time makes him look less eager. He swings the door open and the tall blonde stands in front of him. He really hasn’t changed at all. Tadashi moves out of the way to let him in. He waits for him to remove his shoes to close the door before speaking.
“Tsukki, what’s up?” He lets the nickname slide.
The other stares straight at Tadashi, grumbling a little bit. “The photo you posted, are you dating him?”
Tadashi is dumbfounded by the question, no words leaving his mouth.
“Yamaguchi, it’s yes or no.”
Yamaguchi shakes his head.
“No, I just, I met him a couple weeks ago and we’ve become really good friends. I guess you could say I like him or something.”
Tsukishima scowls, and Tadashi frowns. Why is the other so upset at this development?
“Is something wrong? Aren’t you happy I’ve moved on?”
Tsukishima quickly shakes his head.
“No Yamaguchi. After seeing the photo I felt insanely, and embarrassingly, jealous.” The tone of his voice clearly indicates he didn’t want to admit it, he sounds disgusted at his own words.
“I still love you.”
Tadashi lets himself process the words, though it’s like two pans clashing against each other in his head.
“But you- you’re dating Kuroo!” Tears start to well up in his eyes, he thought he had been moving on but hearing this crumbled his entire foundation. Of course he was still in love with Tsukishima, regardless of what happened. He could never not love him.
“I know, but… it was stupid.”
Tadashi pinches the bridge of his nose. Was he just being played with?
“Is this some kind of sick joke? How could you love me if I wasn’t you’re first choice?”
Tadashi is frustrated himself now. He can’t bring himself to look Tsukishima in the eyes.
“I’m serious Yamaguchi. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I just felt like I had waited too long.”
“Then you should have done something!” Yamaguchi rose his voice at him, looking directly at him now with a frown and tears spilling from his eyes. “You know I love you Tsukishima, but you went of with Kuroo, so I found someone else for myself! Why are you coming to ruin it? You would’ve told me if you liked me.” He chockes on a sob, sniffling.
Tsukishima bites his lip, something in his eyes showing how broken he felt, but Tadashi was too angry at him to notice it.
“You didn’t actually care about me,” Yamaguchi spat at him.
“Tadashi I-“
“Don’t Tadashi me,” Tadashi cuts him off, “You had your chance time and time again. It doesn’t all lie on me. Give me one good reason why you couldn’t have said something to me instead of pissing of with Kuroo.”
Tsukishima pulls at loose fabric on his cardigan, like the weight of the situation is hitting him and he doesn’t know how to react.
“I don’t know,” Tsukishima lets out with a hot breath. “To be honest with you, I don’t know Tadashi. I can’t imagine the pain I’ve brought upon you by leaving. I’m sorry, for being stupid, for leaving. I don’t know why.”
Tadashi grunts, then sobbs, his face falling into his hands.
“I don’t know Tsukishima, I don’t know what to do!” His voice is muffled by sobs and his hands. “I love you so much but I hate you too!”
He lets his hands fall as he takes a deep breath. “The amount of pain I felt when you told me that you were suddenly leaving to be with Kuroo. It really, really hurt. If you can’t imagine it, then think of a boulder forget crushing you, but you never get the satisfaction of letting it take you out. It’s always there, pushing on you because apparently you’re just not good enough.”
Tsukishima reaches out to wipe Yamaguchi’s tears, but his hand is quickly swatted away.
“Say something to me instead!”
They stare at each other, Tsukishima’s brain turning to say something that won’t upset him. Tadashi waits, he knows he has had his turn to speak, and he will spend all day if it means he gets something.
“I’ve already broken up with Kuroo.” Tsukishima raises a hand when Tadashi opens his mouth. “When I saw that photo it dawned upon me just how much of a coward I had been. I could do better for you. I thought maybe if I loved you so much, I should let you be happy with someone else. Because I knew you deserved better than me, look what I’ve done to you. But I can’t explain just how wrong it felt to see you with someone else.”
Tadashi didn’t go to speak this time. He doesn’t know what to say. He felt bad for the other now that he had listened, but the damage was still sitting there. It wasn’t suddenly gone. He starts crying, tears streaming from his eyes. He feels a heat press up against shortly after in the front of his body and two arms wrap around him. He doesn’t reject them though, instead pushing right back into it.
They stand there with Tadashi’s faint cries and Tsukishima’s soft coo’s being the only noises filling the room. They loved each other, regardless of how badly everything had turned out. The damage was done and the mess was made, but the two together in the room decided that it wasn’t beyond repair. They would mend the broken pieces to make a new puzzle, one built better than the last.