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"The two of you look good together."
Seungkwan sighed. Not this again, he thought. He only watched as Mingyu scrolls at his phone, a loopsided smile on his face.
"Really." Seungkwan answers dryly. Mingyu hums, bites his lips, finger still busy on his phone. It makes his blood boil, kind of, that he wasn't even looking at his direction.
"I don't think I've seen you smile like this." Mingyu showed his phone to Seungkwan for a split second—but enough for Seungkwan to notice which picture on instagram he was referring to. "Being with Seokmin makes you that happy? I'm glad."
"Of course he does." Seungkwan holds himself back from clicking his tongue. He knows Mingyu, showing any kind of annoyance would only make things worse. "He's my friend."
"He's your type isn't he?"
Mingyu is finally looking at him—eyebrows raised, with the corner of his lip slightly curving up. As if he's challenging Seungkwan, and any wrong answer would result in him storming outside the door.
And it might be just what he intended to do.
They're close. It would be weird if they aren't, considering the fact that the both of them willingly stayed by each other's side since high school. Neither of them could live without each other and they knew that—or at least, Seungkwan thought they do.
"I told you already." Seungkwan stares back into Mingyu's eyes. "It didn't work out. I did have a crush on him, but it's all in the past. we're just friends now."
"You can't just be friends with someone you had feelings for"
Seungkwan scoffs. Mingyu's expression drops for a second. "What about you and Minghao hyung, then?"
"He has a boyfriend." Mingyu places his phone on the table. "You think I'd still have feelings for someone taken?"
What a hypocrite, Seungkwan thought.
"He's still single. Why don't you give another shot?" Mingyu props his chin on his hand, smiling. Seungkwan hates this smile. It's the fake one, the professional one he has for the camera. Something he has on when he's got something to hide. "He makes you happy, doesn't he?"
"So? You make me happy too."
"I make your life miserable." Mingyu chuckles. "You're annoyed by me a lot. Even now you're annoyed too, aren't you?"
Of course he was. Of course he was. How could he not?
"I'm just saying that you should think about it." Mingyu stood up, about to leave the room but Seungkwan tugs the back of his shirt.
"Kim Mingyu."
Mingyu turns around, and Seungkwan stood up facing the taller one. He doesn't make Seungkwan feel small. He always thought about them as an equal. A puzzle piece stuck together. Words are almost unnecessary between them, almost.
Almost, because Seungkwan both understands and doesn't understand why Mingyu is always like this. It's always the same pattern; he goes out with his friend, Mingyu gets grumpy and jokes about it (as if it could ease the situation—it doesn't). They argue, ignore each other's existence until Seungkwan asks what's for dinner and they talk again like nothing happened. He's used to it, but he's still sick of it.
Seungkwan is not his boyfriend. Mingyu does not belong to him. They don't have a name for their thing, just two stubborn adults staying by each other's side and refusing to leave their comfort bubble. Nothing actually bounds them together, but Seungkwan always feels the need to set things right. He doesn't want to lose what they have—whatever it is that they're having right now.
"I'm not taking a second chance. And if you still want to ask me why, it's because I have you with me."
"He's much better than I am." Mingyu smiles again.
"I don't care."
Seungkwan holds his wrist this time, his grip tight as if Mingyu would run away if he loosen it just a little.
"So what if he's better? He's not the one I live under the same roof with. He's not the one whose cooking i eat every day. He's not the one i shared my first kiss with, and still kiss until this day. He's not the one I slept with."
This is not what he usually does. Mingyu is the one who teases, randomly bringing up whatever sappy things they did. It feels awkward having those word roll off his tongue, and Mingyu would certainly tease him over this later, but he felt the need to say something—or else the chain will never break.
"And?" Mingyu challenges, again, not as bold because he's looking at Seungkwan's hand on his this time.
"And I don't do that with anyone else. Only you. I.. love you, hyung."
"You know you shouldn't." Mingyu scoffs, but his face soon turns again to something Seungkwan can't decipher. "I'm not enough for you. I never will."
He's right. Mingyu could give him the best kisses and hugs that gives him comfort, but a shadow will always loom above them as long as they're together—a shadow called uncertainity.
But what Mingyu doesn't know is that he's foolish, so foolish that he'd throw away his possible happily ever after with anyone else but Mingyu, even if being with Mingyu would hurt him, he won't let Mingyu go. What Mingyu also doesn't know is that he's not ready to let Seungkwan go too, no matter how much he convinces himself.
"I don't care that we don't know what to call this," Seungkwan gestures to the gap between them. "I don't care what we are. All I know is that I want you. And only you."
They push, and pull, and push, and push. But when they're too far from each other's sight, they'll pull again.
Mingyu caresses Seungkwan's cheek with his free hand, his expression finally softens. "You're so pretty."
"You're changing the subject." Seungkwan complains yet he reaches to hold Mingyu's hand on his face, keeping it where it is.
"I didn't know you can be serious like this." Mingyu swipes his thumb on Seungkwan's lips, and Seungkwan can't help but let out a little smile.
"If that's what it takes to shut you up, I will from now on."
Mingyu chuckles. They both lean in, their lips meeting in the middle. Kissing is the easy part, talking is the hard one—and they're guilty for always seeking the easy way out. But maybe that's okay.
As long as they have each other.