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There were things about Bucky that had made me swoon for him since the day I met him. It was the little things, things that weren’t supposed to make a person’s heart pound. The way he would run over to open and hold the door anytime he’d see me through the glass doors in the compound. The way he would smile just the slightest whenever he saw me. Even just a simple good morning every day had made me feel comfort, yet my stomach had fluttered because of him.
Days flew by, months even since everything that happened. After the day Steve decided to go back and live his life, things changed for Bucky. For all of us. But as the days passed, I couldn’t leave and I wouldn’t let Bucky, nor Sam, be alone. And to be a lot more truthful to myself, I didn’t want to go back in being all by myself. I was just a SHIELD agent, until things turned to shit and the world kept getting threatened. And I gave up.
The compound here Upstate had been calm. With Steve leaving the shield to Sam, Sam thought he immediately needed to get everything organized and ready for whatever was ahead. But, after speaking with him, we came to the realization that we needed to come to terms with everything that had happened to us. Over those months, the three of us stayed by each other's side. Sam had become like a brother to me, which is funny because he reminded me of my own brother. They were both veterans, both amusing, protective and good people. The only difference was that Sam is still alive. Then there’s Bucky and I. Closer than we’ve ever been. Even before all of this Thanos and time travel situations, and when we were in hiding with each other, Bucky and I always had our little and quick moments. I didn’t think anything of those moments until we started talking about more than our old missions.
See Bucky, Sam and I would always wind down at the end of a busy day and tell each other stories. Bucky would tell us what it was like for him in the war, Sam would tell us about missions and then there was me. I would tell them SHIELD stories of how I started, what Fury was like when I met him, and even my own missions against HYDRA and a team with none other than Agent Coulson.
This morning, I had trained with some other people who were well trusted and well aware of us. They had been sent by Pepper and Happy, who had wished us here at the compound well.
After the training and conversation with Sam about how we all need to keep our health and body going, I sat in the compound’s kitchen, picking at the fruit bowl that also had some veggies in it. I’d rather exercise more than eat healthy.
“Good morning.” My head turns, my eyes coming in contact with Bucky’s as he fills his water bottle up.
“Morning, did you just wake up?” I ask, surprised that he’s not still sleeping.
“Few hours ago.”
I look at the clock in the kitchen. 9:30am. “It’s almost ten, what did you wake up at five?”
Bucky lets out a laugh, shaking his head. “Eh, a little bit before then.”
“What do you do?” Intrigued on why he wakes up so early. But then I realize, I didn’t get much sleep, so maybe he was having trouble sleeping?
“You know, I usually hide out there by the lake before the sun rises. I guess maybe you and everyone else thought I’d been sleeping all day when you don’t see me.” He lets out a breathy laugh.
“Why do you hide?”
He shrugs. “Guess I just need to be alone.”
“You don’t need to be alone.” I suggest. “I know things have been tough for you. With what happened.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to discuss this.” He admits, leaning his arms on his knees.
“You can talk to me, you know that right?”
He nods his head.
“I am being serious. I just want you to know that I’m here, Sam is here. Whenever you want to. And I just also want you to know that I’m not trying to replace Steve. Who he was to you, what you guys meant to each other. I don’t want to over step and-”
“You… You’re not overstepping. How do I say this? Steve was his own person, yeah he was my best friend. But you’re you, Sam is Sam.”
“I don’t get what you’re trying to say.” I nervously chuckle.
“What I’m trying to say is that you and Sam can’t replace Steve, because there isn’t any replacement needed. He’ll always be my best friend. But so are you, so is Sam. Well, I hope Sam thinks the same, or else I’ll have to kick his ass the next time we train in the gym.”
“When did we become this close, huh?”
“When you began to trust me,” He smiles, “I know we weren’t close then, back when Steve and you guys found me…. the moment you accepted me, that made me feel somewhat better.”
I was in awe. My heart ached, but in a good way. The way he opened up to me, the way he spoke, made me content with where I was today, where we all were. Despite the awful things that had happened to all of us, we were beginning to accept that. Even if it did take months.
“You’ll always be accepted by me, no reason to hide or anything. Hope you know that.”
“I do.” He says. “I hope you know that too. You’re accepted. I know you feel overwhelmed by all of this, to be honest, so am I.”
“Yeah.” I laugh, “We’re in the damn Avengers compound. Don’t know what I did to deserve that.”
“I don’t either.”
“We’ll figure it out together then, I guess.” I suggest, shrugging my shoulders.
“I’m gonna go by the lake.” He announces after minutes of comfortable silence. I watch him walk around the kitchen counter and towards the doorway to leave.
“Oh, okay.” I say, saddened that our conversation was about to end and that I wouldn’t see him for hours to come.
He stands there, looking at me with his metal arm stretched out, his hand opened. “Come with me, doll.”
I don’t hesitate. I stand up from the chair and walk over to him, grabbing his hand. Bucky looks down at his metal hand with mine for just a moment, of a little panic. I grip his metal hand harder, my eyes staring at his that doesn’t look at mine. I’ve known him for so long now, that I was never thinking about his metal arm. His worried eyes meet mine, as he notices my grip and the smile that stays on my face.
But quickly in that moment, I swear I see a look of relief as a smile appears on his face.
He leads me all the way outside to the gazebo by the river. His hand lets go of mine as we walk up the two little steps up the white wooden gazebo. We sit beside each other on the wrap around bench, our bodies turned sideways, facing the river as it flows. The silence between us is both comfortable yet nerve wracking. I wasn’t sure if he was feeling the same things as me, but just being near him, alone… that was enough to send my heart through my chest.
Over time, I couldn’t face myself or come to terms with the liking I took to Bucky. More than just friends too, which felt so middle school to me.
His cough snaps me out of my thoughts, which then made me realize that I was staring at his face. His beautiful face; his black hair flowing and stopping just at his jawline.
“I have to be honest.” He begins to speak. “I think a few months back, when Sam went to bed one night, I realized that you were beginning to mean something to me. I don’t know, I mean I knew you did when you began to trust me a long time ago. But it’s different now. I know it can be hard talking to me sometimes…”
“But I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk, Bucky,”
“Yeah, and I like that about you. You understand.”
“You’re talking to me now, so I appreciate this, and all the other nights we talk.”
“I like when we talk. The two of us. It means so much to me.”
I smile, nodding my head at him as my eyes look to the lake. “Yeah, I can say the same thing.” He obviously meant as a friend, because there is no way he’d settle for me, especially when he hasn't seen people out in the city…. But, it was nice to feel wanted, and I’m sure he felt the same.
“No, not like that.”
My eyes shot up at his, “What do you mean?”
“Me and you, we became close pretty fast, Doll.” He smiled, putting the glass of whatever dark liquor was in its rest on the table. “Allies on a team, acquaintances at most. Then friends after the whole government chase. Then after Steve… le-”
“After Steve left.” I helped.
“Yeah, after what happened, what I was going through what I’m still going through… you’ve been there, you still are.”
“Thats what best friends are for right?”
From the corner of my eye, I see Bucky inching sideways, closer to where I sat.
“Like I said before, I have to be honest. For myself and to you. I think I really like you. A lot. Gosh,” he sighs, “I think I used to be a lot better at this.”
“A lot better at what?” My heart pounds. Who knew you could be this nervous as a twenty seven year old woman.
“Believe it or not, but I was good at flirting.” He laughs.
“Are you trying to flirt with me?”
“Okay, don’t laugh at me now.”
“No! I’m not, “ I smile. “I’m just a bit surprised that you want to flirt with me.”
“Why’s that? I just told you I liked you.”
“I just didn’t think you would.”
He shakes his head, “Well that’s impossible.”
It’s silent again, but a good silence. That’s what was also nerve wracking, not the silence, but the fact that I didn’t say anything back to him, made me worry. “Just to let you know, I like you too. For a while.”
“That’s a relief. I was starting to think that maybe you didn’t see me that way.”
“Well lately, that's pretty much all I was looking at you as.”
The wind had picked up a bit as both our hair began flowing. As Bucky looked pretty and handsome with the way his hair flowed behind him, I felt a mess. The wind had forced my hair into my face and onto my mouth.
Bucky’s hand moves the flowing hair out of my face once he sees me struggling with it. “I got it.”
“That was embarrassing. Thanks.”
I stare into his eyes, those round blue eyes. My eyes linger down to his light salmon colored lips. I wanna kiss him.
If Bucky had the powers to read minds, it had seemed possible just then. “Can I kiss you?” He asks.
“I already know that you can’t, but can you read minds?” I laugh in disbelief, and he lets out a confused chuckle.
“No, I don’t why?”
“Nothing.”
I move closer, my hand grabs his metal hand that had rested on my shoulder from helping my hair out of my face. Moving slowly, I stare into his eyes and move his hand to my cheek. I close my eyes and smile toothless. “Kiss me.” I barely whisper, but with his enhanced body, and senses, he hears it and smiles.
I feel his face come close to mine, his lips lingering over mine. We didn’t even kiss yet and I didn’t want this to end. “You’re really beautiful.” He says.
“So are you.” But before I even complete the sentence, his lips are already on mine. The feeling is both euphoric and so relieving from all the built up emotions we both must’ve had. All the sparks that almost everyone had said you’d experienced when kissing someone for the first time, it was true. The kiss deepens as I let out a small moan. Both of his hands are now at the sides of my face. I could tell he was holding back from caressing me tighter, but he was still so passionate.
The kiss slows down. My hand grabs his neck, gently touching him as I pull away.
“Was that okay, doll?”
I open my eyes and shake my head. “That was… was more than okay.” I say breathlessly.
He sighs, placing his forehead on mine. “Good, because I really enjoyed that.”
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Awkward ending im so sorry. Can’t wait to write more and improve!!