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Ben walked silently beside Callum. Since their argument, neither man had spoken another word. Both contented for the time being to call a truce and walk back home. They could not arrive soon enough for Ben. All he wanted was to be home so he could hide behind the walls. Safe from prying eyes or worse eyes that were filled with pity for him. He needed to be home he was too vulnerable out here. His emotions too raw and his heart sore.
For once Ben welcomed the silence instead of cursing it. Just as well it was the world that Ben was now forced to live in. Though Ben would give anything to feel normal again.
Just like he had for those few moments tonight. Ben felt like himself.
When Callum walked him over to the speaker and he placed his hands on the speaker felt the beat. He felt such a rush of emotions when he felt the music vibrating through his hands and up his arms. He felt his heart take up the beat and hope bloomed within it. Ben's eyes closed and he gave himself over to the sensation and a chill swept through him. In that moment Ben felt such peace. Something he had not felt for a long time.
Just like the boat, his hopes crashed seconds later.
But that one moment Ben had felt alive. He had become part of the living world again. For those minutes he was participating instead of watching life. Ben smiled wistfully down at his hands in wonder. Even now he could still feel the echoing vibration of the music. His skin had tingled and his blood burned with it. It was perfection. It was as if he was breathing the music in. He could feel it moving along his skin, rippling across his chest making the hair on his arms stand on end.
Ben experienced all that in just those few minutes of holding the speaker. When he looked at Callum in wonder, smiles on both their faces, he thought “I could do this. Learn to live without hearing. So long as I had this big beautiful man by my side.”
He was ready to take that step, but then he turned and saw the three women. Laughing at him. Just like that, the shudders came down and the world went dark along with the silence. This time not even Callum's bright light could penetrate it.
So Ben did what he does best. He ran out of the bar and went on the attack. His target Callum. Ben pushed, yelled, and blamed. Doing his best to get Callum angry and attack him back. Only Callum wouldn't take the bait. After it was over Callum took his hand and guided him home to Ian's house.
Maybe Callum was a bit angry after all. Instead of his apartment, he took him to Ian's house. Which is where he is now sitting in silence and darkness all alone for the last hour. He has no idea where Callum went off too. Or if he is even coming back to him. The home Ben wanted to go to was Callum's apartment. He felt safe there. Here he felt like the walls were closing in on him and he was suffocating. Plus he really wanted Callum here.
Maybe he was never coming back. Maybe he is coming back, but only to give Ben his things. Maybe this time Ben's words stuck and Callum decided enough was enough. “Maybe I need to learn to just shut the fuck up.”
Callum burst through the door in time to hear Ben's words. He smiled softly at his idiot boyfriend. Ben would learn soon enough that Callum was in this for the long haul. Whatever demons Ben was fighting Callum would be right beside him. Whether he liked it or not. Callum took a step toward Ben but stopped when he felt his phone buzzing. Pulling the phone from his pocket he saw that Mick had sent him a text. A text that consisted of thumbs up emoji. Everything was ready not he had to just get grumpy there. Slipping the phone back in his pocket Callum walked over to where Ben sat at the table looking sad and lonely. God but he loved this man. Warts and all. Callum lifted his hand and gently tapped his lover's shoulder hoping he didn't startle him too badly.
Ben jumped when a large hand landed on his shoulder. Looking up he was surprised to see Callum staring down at him. “Callum?” You came back? Was left unsaid but the shock in his voice and face told Callum enough.
“Of course I came back. I didn't leave you. I just had to take care of something first.” Callum grabbed Ben's coat off the back of the chair handing it to him. “Here put your coat on. We're leaving.” Callum pulled Ben up from his chair and helped him with his coat.
“Where are we going?” Ben asked still stunned that Callum had not left him.
Callum grabbed Ben's hand leading him out the door. “Out.” was all Callum said as he shut and locked the door. Callum pulled Ben along behind him hand secured in his as he dragged him across the square. Ben stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk. Because his eyes were glued to his lovers back and not to where he was walking. It was only Callum's strong hands that kept him from falling on the ground.
“I've got you. I won't let you fall.” Callum steadied him before he continued their journey. Callum felt his pulse beat faster when the Vic came into view. Callum really hoped Mick had everything ready.
When Ben saw they were headed for the Vic, he pulled back tugging his hand free from Callum's grip. “I don't want to go in. I don't want to be around any people.” Ben did not want to be where people were talking and laughing having a good time. While he tried to read lips in the darkened bar. No thanks.
“We're not,” Callum promised and took Ben's hand back in his. “We are going through the Vic,” he said, leading the younger man through the Vic doors straight to the back of the bar.
Ben pressed close to Callum and kept his eyes firmly on the back of his boyfriend's head. He hid behind his lover's larger frame making sure to not make eye contact with anyone. But if he had looked up he would have seen Mick give Callum a thumbs up and the encouraging smiles from both Linda and Tina.
Callum nodded his thanks to his friends as he pushed his way through the crowd. He could feel the heat from Ben's body and the younger man pressed close him. Callum could feel the tension in the younger man so he made sure to hold on tighter to his hand. Just in case the younger man thought to slip free and run back to his house and hide. Callum was determined to not let Ben run and hide or push him away. He was also determined to show Ben how much he was worth. It was so much more than he was led to believe. Callum will spend the rest of his days telling Ben how much he is worth. Starting with tonight.
Ben let himself be pulled through the Vic straight to the back of the bar. Callum continued until they reached the staircase that led to the roof. Curious Ben turned questioning eyes up to his lover.
Callum shook his head smiled and said, “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” Ben answered honestly because he did trust Callum. Trusted him more than he has ever trusted anyone in his life. Ben felt his face burn, blushing when Callum lifted his hand, brought it to his mouth, and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it.
“Let's go.” Callum began climbing the stairs tugging Ben behind him. Once the reached the top he turned to Ben. He signed the words as he spoke. “Losing your hearing doesn't change who you are. What you mean to me or how I feel about you. If anything it makes me love you more. You are a fighter and you deserve to be seen and heard and loved for who you are. Not who you think your dad wants you to be.”
Ben shook his head, “How can you love me. I've done nothing but push and fight against you and your love. I've said and done things that hurt you, intentionally. How can you still love me?” Why haven't you turned away from me like my father has? Ben just did not understand what it was Callum saw in him to keep fighting for him for them.
Callum smiled brightly, eyes going soft. “Because I see you. I see right through your cold words to the scared beautiful boy beneath. The one who spent their life trying to please a man that will never truly see him. Never know the beautiful man he turned out to be. Because he still only sees the man you are not.” Callum wiped the tears that fell from Ben's eyes then pressed a kiss to his forehead before he continued. “But, that is his problem. Not yours. He was wrong Ben, you are good for someone. Me you are good for me.”
Ben had no words, Callum with his earnestness and beautiful heart broke him. Ben could always hide behind his shield, a cold veneer of attitude and snark. Only Callum did more than just see through him. He unraveled him, made Ben want, and yearn. Made Ben fall in love. “You're good for me too,” he whispered.
“I know. Your mum tells me all the time.” Callum told him smugly. “She loves me.”
“I do too.” Ben sighed and pressed his forehead against Callum's chest. One day he will solve a problem without pushing Callum away. One day he will stand tall and not hide his heart and love. But let them both flow freely to this man that without his knowledge owned both of them. “Why have you brought me here?”
“I wanted to dance with you, remember?” Callum pushed the door open granting them entrance to the roof.
Ben remembered the three women laughing at him. “I can't hear the music.” Ben reminded him.
“No you can't but just like earlier you can feel it.” Callum laughed at Ben's look of confusion. “You'll see, come on.” Callum tugged Ben through the door and waited for his lover to see his surprise. He made a mental note to thank Mick for access to the roof and Linda and Tina for everything else.
Ben's eyes widened in surprise. “What have you done?' He asked with the biggest smile Callum had ever seen. The first thing Ben had noticed was the small table sitting in the middle of a large raised platform. The table sat at a corner and was covered in a red table cloth. Sitting in the middle of the table were two lit candles and a vase with red roses. “You went for the whole cliché, didn't you?”
“Yep even ordered the stars out tonight, just for you.” Callum stepped up onto the platform then turned to hold his hand out for Ben.
“Why this platform though?” Ben asked taking Callum's hand who then pulled him up on the platform. “You could have just put the table on the roof.” Ben stared down at the wooden floor stomping his feet as he did.
“Yes but the raised platform is a better conductor.” Callum picked up a cell phone that had been lying by the candles. He pointed to two large black boxes laid on opposite sides of the platform.
“Are those?” Ben's confused frown turned into a smile. “Speakers.” two large speakers were placed face down on the floor.
“Yep, borrowed them from the Vic, karaoke night will have to wait.” Callum looked through the songs until he found one to his liking. Hitting play he raised the volume and waited. His eyes were locked on Ben. Once the first beat of the song started the platform vibrated and shook. Callum's breath caught in his throat eyes glued to his lover. Ben's head was tilted back and his eyes were closed a smile so serene and filled with bliss graced his face. Callum felt himself fall even deeper in love with this man.
Slowly Ben began to sway with the music feeling the rhythm through the floor. Callum watched mesmerized by Ben's beauty, watching him lose himself to the music. Callum watched until he could stand it no more, he need to touch and hold.
Calum walked across the platform and stopped in front of Ben, not wanting to startle him. Slowly he raised a hand and ran his fingers gently down Ben's arm. His lover never opened his eyes he just fell forward into Callum's arms, trusting him to be there. Callum sighed happily, one arm wrapped around Ben's waist the other holding his lover's smaller hand tightly in his and pressed against his chest.
The soles of their feet tingle with the vibrating melody of the song. As one they fall into each other and lose themselves in the music. Hands clasped tightly, bodies pressed together, hips swaying to and fro. With eyes closed both men are lost to each other. No one but the two of them exists at that moment.
The title of the song does not matter, all that matters is that Ben is alive and loving this moment Callum has gifted him. He still has his demons and he will still have setbacks. They both know this dance would not solve all their problems.
24 years of learned behavior cannot be undone in a year let alone one night. Even with Callum's unconditional love, Ben is as ever a work in progress. However, things are progressing towards the better. His ears may not work, however, he hears Callum loud and clear. This is a step forward, a step towards each other and not away. As long they keep moving forward, they can handle the setbacks, together.
Until then they will spend their nights and days dancing. Lost in each other's arms and bodies slowly swaying to the rhythm of the music they feel pounding beneath their feet. Even if there is no music that's okay too. Because a melody can linger long after the music has ended. The melody lingers in your consciousness and in your memories. Sometimes when you're lucky enough you find that melody in the arms of your lover and in the beats of your heart.
What more could Ben ask for?