Archive of Our Own

It all starts silly, if you ask him.

Just before walking out the door Isak realizes he forgot to take care of his flowers, yellow roses, in the kitchen – Eskild’s present from a few months back after Isak finally moved out from kollektivet to his new place. Eskild almost teared up right there then, saying how his present serves a tiny symbol of Isak’s steps in adult life. Isak knows he wanted to sound inspiring and all that, but all Isak did in return was mumble quiet “thanks” (even though deep down he thought it was sweet, in a way). Now he had this little thing he had to care of. It wasn’t as big and serious as a pet, no, that’s too much responsibility, but still it was something that needed to be looked after.

The thing is, (Isak doesn’t think about it often these days), Eskild moved out from the kollektivet much earlier than Isak. He shares an apartment with his boyfriend of two years now while being disgustingly in love and and all that jazz. First months without Eskild in the flat share, though, were… weird. Knowing that Eskild didn’t live just behind the wall anymore made the usual comfort disappear. Not that Isak will ever admit that out loud.

Isak had to learn how to let himself miss Eskild, the only figure close to family in his life besides Jonas, and how to recognize what’s actually good for him. Then he had to learn not to forget to water his roses, although it took him a while, both time and self-discipline.

Practice showed he needed to notice the plant in the first place, so instead of keeping flowers on the balcony (what was his first choice), he put them on the windowsill in the kitchen. In the mornings it goes like this: coffee for himself, water for a flower. Today, though, it completely flew out of his head that he can’t leave the flowers on their own for two weeks. And now he’s still standing at the entrance door with his backpack on his shoulders fully dressed and ready to go thinking how he’s going to solve this, the faster the better.

His train is in one hour, in fifty-seven minutes, actually, and if he doesn’t decide what to do right now he’s fucked.

Crossing the kitchen in his dirty shoes to take the plant he thinks thank god he doesn’t have a pet.

– – –

What is his life, honestly.

For the tenth time in the last three minutes he replays in his head why on earth he just couldn’t plan his day ahead. He really needs to be more mindful about his life choices, that’s for sure. Yes, he should be on his way to the train station but he’s knocking on somebody’s door hoping they’re home so he could ask them to look after his plant. This all looks like a joke. He’s a joke.

Apparently, nobody’s home tonight, so Isak waits another five seconds before walking to another door but as he moves to turn away the lock makes a squeaky sound. A moment passes and Isak gasps, realizing whose door he was knocking on.

This day beats him with terrible decisions – coffee in the morning burned his tongue, he intentionally didn’t call his mom during his lunch time like he was supposed to, then started packing his stuff in the last minute, and now his head is a mess and he absolutely is not prepared to talk to Even.

Oh no.

“Hello, Isak,” Even greets him and Isak tries not to pay attention to the rustiness in his voice. “What is so urgent? Or you are just having fun by waking up your neighbors?”

“Even, hi. Yes. I need something,” oh god, just kill him right here. “Oh fuck. I woke you up. Shit. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it’s actually already late for some people.”

Right. He checks the time on his phone: it’s a quarter past eleven, which means it is, in fact, not really good time for asking your neighbors to do you a favor. Also, he has around fifty minutes left to get to the station.

“It’s fine, I guess."

Isak breathes out as Even obviously relaxes, leaning with his shoulder on the doorframe.

You started it you finish it, Isak. There’s no going backwards. You already woke him up, “Okay. Uh… I’m sort of in trouble?”

“You’re asking me?” Even says, his mood changes faster than Isak’s brain works right now. Isak notices how smile finds its way to Even’s lips and sleepiness in his eyes slowly disappears. He’s never seen Even so domestic and soft, with hair falling down on his forehead, and the only thing that is spinning through Isak’s mind is that how pretty Even is. But, to be honest, it’s all old news for Isak.

“Okay, I’ll make it short. Turns out I’m shit at planning my schedule, and it came to a point that my train leaves in less than an hour and I’m still here. I’m freaking out right now because I can’t miss it, I really, really can’t, it’s an amazing training program from my University and it’s only five minutes ago I realized I desperately need somebody to keep an eye on this little guy while I’m away.” Isak finally raises his hands with the plant for even to see. “I’ll be gone only for two weeks. The flowers were a present from a very good friend of mine and I actually grew to love them a lot so I really don’t want them to die.”

“Well, that wasn’t exactly short. But okay,” Even grins and shrugs like it’s not a big deal.

“Seriously? Just like that?”

“Of course, why are you so surprised?” Even chuckles and it sounds so sweet Isak might melt right now. Even tilts his head, running his hand through his hair, which is already tousled. “It’s a plant. I’ll keep an eye on it. Cecilia’s gonna love more colors in the apartment,” it seems like the last phrase Even says more to himself than to Isak as he’s taking the plant from Isak’s hands.

Mumbling ‘thanks’ Isak suddenly feels awkward, now that the problem is solved.

“Aren’t you late?” Even asks him, raising an eyebrow, looking him right in the eyes.

“Uh, yes! You saved me, thank you. Again,” he makes two steps backwards still looking at Even, salutes him, and then makes his way down the stairs.

Only the walls of the building witness the embarrassment on Isak’s face. He’s determined to replay it in his mind in some sort of punishment.

*

On the second evening in his hotel room Isak lets himself relax.

Yesterday was a mess, a pleasant mess, but a mess nevertheless. Even after calming down he couldn’t fall asleep on the train because seats were extremely uncomfortable and the noises were too loud. Nervousness and the lack of sleep did make it a bit harder for him to go through the day but sleepless nights during exam weeks taught him that there is no such thing as impossible. At this point, nothing could spoil the experience for him.

The first night ended at some local bar with all guests, students and professors, who were happy to have fun before the serious parts begin. Isak came back to his hotel room exhausted, fell on the bed and slept like a log before his alarm rang at seven thirty next morning.

And today… today was different, important and difficult. Isak just doesn’t have it in him right now to do something more than lazily lying in bed. He just finishes talking to his mom on the phone when he gets a text.

From: Unknown number
They miss you
[image]

Frowning, he hesitates to open the photo. Turns out it’s just a picture of his roses on the wooden table.

From: Unknown number
The magician never reveals his secrets :P

From: Unknown number
I’m not a stalker, I swear

It’s silly and funny at the same time and Isak can’t help but genuinely smile at the screen. It even makes him forget about his question. He’s probably just too tired. It what it takes to simply add Even’s number in his phone.

From: Even
:(
You’ve got a rival by the way
Cecilia seems to love them a lot
[image]
Might steal them and keep them to herself

It’s a photo of his plant again but this time a white cat sits next to roses sniffing them. Isak suddenly feels dumb for assuming other things before.

Before he says anything else his phone buzzes with another text.

From: Even
I do
Isn’t she cuuute
Just look at her
[image]
[image]
But how is…
The place you’re at
You never specified where you were going

From: Even
I remember that
So… You’re not telling me
Okay okay
I’ll stop with my interrogation, then
Also sorry for millions photos of Cecilia. She’s too cute I can’t resist

Isak groans throwing back his head higher on the pillow. Are mental facepalms a thing or is there just somebody who hates him very much?

From: Even
Wow
That’s amazing!!
When I heard you saying “lab” I should have known right away you’re a science nerd

Isak doesn’t really acknoledge what he says anymore but maybe he’d better to stop overthinking and just go with the flow?

From: Even
If they all are like you then I’ll have to agree

*

Even doesn’t message him every day but when he does they kick off their conversations as if they have known together for a lifetime now. It always puts a smile on Isak’s face, automatically making the day much better.

At some point Isak stops pretending Even’s flirtatious texts don’t affect him. At this point he just knows better. And there is no one around him to tease him about it so he enjoys the whole thing in peace.

Even is even more considerate than Isak could imagine – he patiently waits for Isak to finish his busy day, not disturbing him until late evenings when shares what happened to him that day and then asks how Isak’s day was.

Isak gets updates on his roses, clutches every chance to talk to Even, to get to know him, joke with him, and it feels like Even genuinely wants the same.

Isak learns that Even is graduating this year, he is a film major – it is what creates numerous jokes in Isak’s head and he’s determined to use them all at some point – and when Even isn’t studying he likes to draw (Isak notices small pieces on Even’s walls when Even sends him photos of flowers or of Cecilia). He also learns that Even works part-time at some coffee shop downtown and is a part of a big group of guys who make youtube videos (he goes to check it out as soon he gets the name of the channel).

Picking up all these little things about Even make him more real, more human, he isn’t just this hot neighbour anymore. He’s still a mystery but this time it doesn’t feel like Isak has to spend ages to find the answers he needs.

Even tells him about how he got Cecilia, that poor thing was a street cat for a while until a friend of his found her. He couldn’t keep her and when Even found out about it, he decided she’s his then. It took him three days to convince his landlord that having a cat in the apartment isn’t a bad idea.

Eventually, it slips out in their conversations how having a cat helps Even with his routine when he’s down. Of course, being his curious and to not very considerate self, Isak asks what he meant by that. He also remembers he mentioned the same thing about his mom in the first chat they had.

Even dials his number then, spontaneously as it could ever be, and at any other moment Isak would get annoyed because who calls when you have texts but hearing Even’s raw, shaky voice, so weird to hear him nervous, makes Isak feel so thrilled and so content at the same time. Almost like something clicks and just like that he's at ease.

Even dials his number and tells him everything, about him being bipolar and how it was hard for him in high school, and it still is, and Isak listens, and listens, and listens, it’s such a shame he can’t hug Even right now or hold his hand to show him support. Maybe it isn’t something Even would want but Isak still can’t stop thinking about it.

And then Isak talks, about himself and high school, his friends, his mom and how she’s getting better these days. And Even listens, listens, and listens.

At some point Even softly says, “This probably isn’t how you pictured to spend your night. But thank you for listening.”

“Of course.”

They talk for hours, Isak only realizes it’s far past midnight when Even reminds him of it but he is so happy that even the thought of waking up in four hours doesn’t bother him.

Now that Isak gets a chance to keep getting to know there are so many things that make Even smart, and silly, and serious, and flirty, - the second week passes by in a blink of an eye.

*

Of course he fucks up his schedule again. This time it’s convenient to blame it on the night train he had to take, but why lie to yourself - he knows it’s all his own fault.

The day after he comes back is such a mess with missed deadlines and dozens of things he has to take care of. Running on caffeine, he visits his mom early in the morning because he promised her and he’s trying to be a man of his word, then begs his professor to postpone the due of the assignment for two more days in the afternoon. (Thank God his professor isn’t a monster, he gives him time to finish everything later without putting his grades at risk). By the time his classes end it’s already getting dark and if he doesn’t get home soon he’ll just fall asleep standing on his feet.

At home he convinces himself at least to take a shower to wash off all the exhaustion and that weird unsettling feeling that keeps buzzing in his mind he don’t know how to name. He remembers about Even when he’s ready to fall onto his bed but realizes right away how late it is and he knows that last time he knocked on Even’s door he literally woke him up.

Tomorrow then, tomorrow.

---

Tomorrow catches up on him as fast as it always does. This time Isak is more collected than the day before, and even though the anxiety of previous day still lingers on the scale from one to ten Isak is having a full seven day.

Also, he manages to finish his overdue assignment. The library always makes him do his best, he doesn’t quite know if it’s some physiological trick or just how things are but he only gets things done in the surrounding of thick books and other students concentrated on their own work.

At home, he finds himself spiraling again. Somehow the thought of knocking on Even’s door scares him once again. What should he say? Just ask him for his plant and leave? Isak wants to stay a little longer.

While he’s fixing himself not a really healthy dinner and speculating with himself whether or not he should to just go and let it be how it is, Even beats him to it. Because as soon as Isak opens the door, there he is, holding Isak’s yellow roses in his hands with that famous grin on his face.

“Here they are, little prince, your roses are back to your planet.”

“Thank you for taking care of them. Does that make you a fox?” Isak asks taking the plant from Even. Then he double checks himself, realizing what he just said. “Sorry, that came out weird. Thank you, again.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Even bites his bottom lip and clasps his hands together losing his confidence in a second. “I just, uhm, Cecilia would like to meet you, you know.”

Isak’s brows rise up to his hairline and he does his best not to crack up right there. All in all, the whole situation is amusing and just - who knew Even can be so sweet? So he decides to play along by starting nodding at Even, mockingly considering his invitation.

“Only if that’s the case. I’ll be honored to meet your cat.”

Once he’s inside Even’s apartment, he can’t stop looking around. Somehow, Isak did expect something like this: pastel colors, white and light blue, movie posters here and there, minimum of furniture.

“Cecilia is a lovely name,” Isak say, leaning with his palms on his knees while the cat herself carefully tries to sniff Isak whose smell is very new to her.

“It is,” he hears Even’s voice from the kitchen. When Even comes back, he has two cups of tea in each hand. “It’s a reference, too.”

Isak furrows his brows, “To what?”

“To a movie character,” Even nods.

“Right. A film major,” Isak rolls his eyes but can’t stop the grin forming on his face. Everything about Even is so endearing.

“Atonement, have you heard of it? Incredible narration, and shot so smartly, the color palette is fatastic… Cecilia is a–”

Isak shakes his head and interrupts him still with a smirk on his lips. “I know who Cecilia is, I have read the book.”

Even’s brows shot up, and as he shakes his head surprised chuckle escapes from his mouth.

“What? I don't look like someone who reads modern literature?" Isak asks at what Even just shrugs. "My older sister studied English literature for a year here before quitting and moving to Berlin,” Isak explains. “After she left, there were days when I would feel the need to be closer to her, at least in some way. I could do that only through the books she left in our old house.”

“Okay, you may have read the book,” Even softly says, subtly changing the topic, and Isak doesn't know if he's so obvious with him being not fully comfortable talking about this or Even is just good at reading people. “But you haven’t seen the movie.”

With that, Even doesn’t even bother to talk Isak into watching the movie, he just heads to his computer to set the movie on and says along the lines something like, “This is just an excuse to watch at young and beautiful Kiera Knightly and James McAvoy once again but this is a really good movie.”

“Seriously, Even?” Isak tilts his head, looking at Even, amused but still places himself next to Even on his couch. “I literally just told you I know the story.”

“I’m pretty sure it is a thousand times more heartbreaking in action, not in words." Even winks. Or, better to say, tries to wink, "Now shhh.”

At some point, Cecilia returns to them from wherever she was earlier and makes herself comfortable on Even’s lap but she doesn’t fall asleep. Instead, she keeps watching Isak with curiosity and maybe just a little confusion and well. That’s fair.

The story is sad, and it breaks Isak’s heart again, mostly by making him feel angry as if he was conned. He gets so lost in his thoughts he even forgets for a few moments that Even is sitting right next to him, sometimes mouthing some of the dialogues.

Little does Isak know that later, when he stands up from the couch so he could come back to his apartment, Even will gently put his fingers around Isak’s wrist and softly ask:

“Stay.”

It all does start silly but in the end he learns that Even tastes like honey lemon tea they shared earlier and this is the best thing he could think of in a while. And then he learns Even knows just where and how to touch him, and it's so much better than he could ever imagine.

“How did you get my number, by the way?” Isak asks next morning, standing in Even's kitchen in Even’s old t-shirt, sipping coffee Even made for him.

The whole setting is surreal, straight out of his dreams, because the way Even’s hair catch the morning lights, the way he bashfully smiles at Isak, the way Isak sees him so domestic and a little shy – and it’s only for him to see, for him to keep this memory in store, for him to feel.

Isak has so much of all this fondness for Even and now he knows where to put it.

Cecilia is with them, half-sleeping on the windowsill. Today she isn't as beware of Isak as she was yesterday, she even lets him pet her and starts to purr whe he does so. It's a win, Isak thinks.

“I asked Sana,” Even answers and awkwardly shrugs, turning to fully face Isak. “She’s my friend's sister. I knew you know each other because she confused my door with yours once.”

“Right. What a small world,” Isak chuckles as Even nods at him.

Isak leans on the fridge door with his hip and forgets about his coffee on the countertop just a moment after - and it gets cold eventually, because at first neither of them wants to shut up and then neither of them wants to let go.

It all does start silly, but maybe just this time being absent-minded made this one good thing happen. Love, Isak thinks, well, no, but he knows what it takes for a flower start its blossom.