Swess
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“So where do you want to start?” asks Frank, and god, even the simplest questions are tough. How to even begin explaining the details of how you methodically destroyed every aspect of your own life. How do you explain chasing your own son out of the state? How do you explain burning your life down in pursuit of the ghost of your late wife?
“Buck got a boyfriend,” Eddie hears himself say, and then pauses, frowning in confusion at himself. “That’s not actually– I didn’t–” He lets himself take a breath under the heavy weight of Frank’s unwavering gaze, “It actually started with Pepa.”
//
While Chris is in El Paso, it’s Eddie’s summer of Realizing Things, such as comphet, what Buck means to him, and how to let himself be happy.
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Bookmarked by Swess
10 Oct 2024
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Missing Chris is less of an emotion these days and more of a physical entity. He’s sure everyone can see that he’s slowly hollowing himself out, that he can’t do much of anything else.
But when Jee laughs at him trying to get his tongue to touch his nose, and Mara loops one of her arms through his to keep him from tossing the rest of his cup in the garbage, Eddie feels solid again.
Maybe he likes yellow birthday cake ice cream after all.
(or, gerrard messes with the team's schedules and eddie 'i just drove my son to flee the state' diaz is the only option to watch mara and jee-yun after school on tuesdays, which, shouldn't be a problem at all, right?)
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- English
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by Swess
13 Sep 2024
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“You’re in love with me?” Buck asks, like a laggy computer system that just finished booting up.
“Er. Yes?” Eddie says. “I thought we established that.”
Buck nods, once, glacially slow, and Eddie sees when the synapses of his brain snap into place.
“... But I’m straight?”the one where it takes eddie a while to get over buck, and it takes buck even longer to figure out he doesn't want him to
Bookmarked by Swess
02 Jan 2024
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“It’s just that—I died,” Buck continues, voice unsteady enough that Eddie wonders if this is the first time he’s acknowledged that out loud. “I died, and there’s so much more. There’s so much more I want to do, things I don’t even know I want to do yet, and I almost had the chance to have and live them taken away. I don’t want to die and regret missing out on everything else, Eddie.”
“So let’s make a list,” Eddie says. “Let’s do them.”
or, a bucket list that’s really about buck needing to make a change and an eddie who’s ready to do anything to see him fall in love with life again. it takes some crossing off for eddie to realise—the thing at the top of the list in his own heart? it’s been right here all along
Series
- Part 1 of bucket list fic
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Bookmarked by Swess
26 Dec 2023
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Something is wrong.
“Buck”, Eddie says his name slowly, like he’s a deer that could easily be startled, “do you remember Monday night, after I got home from working a shift without you?”
“We had a few beers and you told me about that crazy call.”
“Yes. And do you remember what happened afterwards?”
“Uh — no? Should I?”
The ice in his veins spreads and soon his whole body feels frozen, like a bucket of icy water has just been dumped all over him.
“Oh shit, did I drink too much on an empty stomach again? That always leaves me way drunker than I should be and I can’t remember shit the next day”
Buck doesn’t remember.
He doesn’t remember.
Eddie’s entire world crashes down around him. He feels like his body has stopped working. He doesn’t know if he’s breathing but he’s pretty sure his heart has stopped.
Buck’s memories of them can’t be gone.
OR
Buck and Eddie finally get together only for lightning to strike a few days later, leaving Buck with no memories of them ever becoming a couple.
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- English
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- 3/3
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Bookmarked by Swess
22 Dec 2023